ramblings on various subjects specially put on my heart when thinking of christmas this year -
i grew up in a poor home but for the most part 'did notknow' i was poor. my mom made sure there were gifts under the tree. they were great but greater far was the impression that mom gave out of the fullness of a very loving heart, that she really wanted to bless and please my sister and i. i really enjoyed most everything she gave, necessities as well as toys, and felt so rich in the glow of her love even when there wasn't a whole lot. it seems that she knew exactly what we would like and believe me there were few things she gave that were not well used if not worn out by use. these were all received as from dad and mom. it was only as i left home that i realized that they really came from mom. i remember after mom was unable to give gifts that dad would send a check for $5 for each person. dad was a very giving person too, just not to his family. he literally gave the clothes off his back to people in need. his whole life was about giving to others. his greatest gift, as well as my mother's, was himself and in dad's case that was all. he would often take us with him wherever he went whether it was to get a little money window washing to be enabled to keep ministering to others or in his various ministrations. there came a time when we no longer wanted to go, for these were usually all day affairs and we, increasingly, were more interested in other things and people than we were in just being with him. all that to say, his unspoken, ongoing message/invitation seemed to be through it all, 'i love you. i want to have you with me. my only gift is myself. would you be with me?' this combination of my mom and dad i count a wonderful blessing.
probably as a result of this kind of childhood, as years passed gift- giving as practiced in my own home became more and more in my heart a thing of self-centeredness and excess to the point where all true joy was gone from my heart and it was viewed in a jaded fashion. as a result, when my marriage broke up i naturally moved toward a non-material christmas. i guess i internalized my father's message and made it my own. being non-material in a material culture makes it awkward to fit in. there were a few years there where i received gifts while not giving them and, as i surmised would happen, gifts coming my way soon dried up when there was no longer any expectation of the like coming from my direction. it was difficult, i'm sure, for everyone involved since it is so counter cultural. i had to endure being invited to view 'the christmas carol' i guess so i would be encouraged to stop being a scrooge, being given gifts that had 'a thorn' in them that pricked rather than blessed and was useful and delightful. the one exception was the gift of an automatic bread maker given by my daughter kate and her husband todd (i think it was the first year they were married). what a perfect, blessed, helpful gift. it still dutifully churns out health-giving and delicious loaves nearly 10 years later. many is the time either when it is operating or i am enjoying its product that my heart rises involutarily to thank God for their kind and helpful gift. (to me that is the quintessential element of 'gift') kate is just like my wife (and my wife's mother) in being one of the most thoughtful gift givers i have ever known outside of mom. (if kate had 'shown no mercy' and kept giving such gifts while receiving nothing material in return...i really don't know...she might have created such a dissonance in my spirit that i would have had to...well i would have had to cry out to God to make me a good material gift giver! i, like my father, am a lousy gift giver in situations of any degree of expectation while more excelling in situations of no expectation)
being non-material is my groove and so i'm glad not to be harassed out of it. i kind of like to think of it as being in the same groove God was when He gave Himself by taking on flesh and coming into the world as a baby to die for us...His only purpose was that we might be with Him. His greatest gift was not expected, not deserved, not desired, non-material. He gave Himself. that's it. my practice for nearly 10 years has been to pray for Him to show me a situation where i can best replicate what He did. i think of Jesus' words, 'when you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, otherwise they may also invite you in return and that will be your repayment. but when you give a reception, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, since they do not have the means to repay you; for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous'. sometimes He gives several such opportunities. so far, three days from christmas, He has given only one this year. but each giving reminds me of His giving we celebrate as christmas and am grateful that each year He gives at least some way to in some way pass on His christmas blessing...as close to the unexpected, undeserved pattern He established as i can.
the prayer i pray most often for myself and for the group of believers with whom i live and worship God is found in romans 15:7 - 'accept on another just as Christ also has accepted us to the glory of God'. there are so many innumerable ways in which we 'wall out' one another. all of these are contrary to who God is and how He relates to us. we are, in many ways wretched sinners odious to God. He is perfectly righteous and we are, in so many ways, unrighteous. He is holy and we are profane. He is love and we are hateful. He continually makes Himself useful and serves us. we are no so inclined but rather want others to meet our needs. we are so blind that we cannot perceive how wretched we are in His sight. we therefore deem all the many good things he does for us as what is naturally 'due' such wonderful being as we are! if it were not for Jesus Christ's death for our sin we would all be in hell. we only dimly perceive this if at all. yet we turn from His miraculous acceptance of us inspite of our wretchedness and judge ourselves to be too good to accept others we view as having unforgivable blemishes. this is just the way of the world. we all reject others at the deepest levels. very few deep, unconditional acceptances are afforded human beings by other human beings (that is why accepting, non-judgmental animals are all-important to so many people! they are literally starving for simple acceptance!) how sad. how tragic even. but when this happens among a group of people who all claim that God accepts them in spite of their wretchedness it is a heinous crime...a running, pussy sore in God's sight! every person should be fully loved and accepted by the people called 'church' but one of the many great sins of the church is that this is the rare exception. we all, at church, have our friends and then there is everyone else whom we may greet briefly if that. everyone of us in our old nature wait for another to be friendly to us before we will be friendly to them, rather than being friendly and outgoing and careing on a continual basis with someone who does not in any way reciprocate. Jesus said, 'if you love (do good) to those who love (do good) to you, what credit is that to you? for even sinners love (do good) to those who love (do good) to them". our 'walling out' of others is illustrated in the new testament by the jews and gentiles. there was no love lost between these two groups. there was as little contact of any kind as possible. God revealed that one of the many things that He accomplished by dying on the cross was to break down this thick wall between these two groups. He says in ephesians 2:11f, 'therefore remember that formerly you, the gentiles in the flesh, who are called 'uncircumcision' by the so called 'circumcision' (jews) ...remember that you were at that time separate from Christ, excluded from the commonwealth of israel, and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. but now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. for He Himself is our peace, who made both groups into one and BROKE DOWN THE BARRIER OF THE DIVIDING WALL by abolishing in His flesh the enmity...' but we who call ourselves followers of Christ, who believe ourselves continually forgiven of all our sins day by day find it impossible to completely forgive others who sin (or 'sin') against us. if only we would unconditionally love, accept, care for, be kind to and forgive every one we knew! this is a burden on my heart that God would help me be like Him this way. i hope this coming year to work at moving closer to people all around who i have subtly or not so subtly put on the other side of some type of wall in my heart. i was yet again encouraged in this direction when i recently read the rule of st. benedict 53: all guests who present themselves are to be welcomed as Christ, for He Himself will say, 'i was a stranger and you welcomed me' matthew 25:35
we live in a world of what is called 'politically correct speech'. every free man should view this as a pejorative and a curse to be avoided at all costs for it is the opposite of truth. it is the using of speech to gain personal ends. truth has no place in its scheme nor it in truth's. in fact truth is hated by it because if truth is known its objective is likely hindered or thwarted. it ignores or denies whole areas of reality that are standing rebukes to its agenda. consider the ongoing murder of helpless, speechless pre-born babies. no one in logical debate can actually assert that these are not human beings no matter how small. the biological texts currently used assert that human life begins at conception, sonograms show it, surviving aborted babies are proof positive. yet we 'legalize" it so it is not murder but choice. interesting how the politically correct term of choice focuses away from the murdered to another. truth does not focus away or squirm around or avoid but rather simply states what is as God reveals it. truth says abortion is murder!
thinking of this from another angle, it is interesting that Jesus, who fed the hungry, healed all who came to Him and raised the dead was deserted and murdered by those He blessed. recently i realized more fully why. Jesus was a non-stop truth-speaking 'machine' as it were. luke 14 recounts 'that when He went into the house of one of the leaders of the Pharisees on the sabbath to eat bread, they were watching Him closely...and He began speaking a parable to the invited guests when He noticed how they had been picking out the places of honor at the table, saying to them, "when you are invited by someone to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for someone more distinguished than you may have been invited by him and he who invited you both will come and say to you, 'give your place to this man,' and then in disgrace you proceed to occupy the last place. but when you are invited, go and recline at the last place, so that when the one who has invited you comes, he may say to you, 'friend, move up higher'. then you will have honor in the sight of all who are at the table with you. for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (i take it that may not have been too well accepted, possibly with the common thought of His hearers being,' who does he think he is ?!) and he also went on to say to the one who had invited Him, "when you give a luncheon...do not invite..." ' (possibly this did not endear Him - couldn't he at least give such an important person as i instructions in private?!!' - to the pharisee) Jesus evidently was 24-7 in-the-open truthful with people. this occasion may have been forgivable but telling someone they are sinful...! this that occurred in luke 11 was unforgivable. 'now when He had spoken, a pharisee asked Him to have lunch with him and He went in and reclined at the table. when the pharisee saw it, he was surprised that He had not first ceremonially washed before the meal. but the Lord said to him, 'now you pharisees clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but inside of you, you are full of robbery and wickedness. (and He's sitting at this guy's table eating his food!) You foolish ones, did not He who made the outside make the inside also? ( 'now He's calling me a fool!') ' then Jesus starts saying things like 'woe to you pharisees! for you love the chief seats in the synagogues and the respectful greetings in the market places. (how dare He judge us and tell us we are in danger of God's judgment. we're the most holy people around!)' ...'one of the lawyers said to Him in reply, "teacher, when You say this, You insult us too." but He said," woe to you lawyers as well! for you weigh men down with burdens hard to bear, while you yourselves will not even touch the burdens with one of your fingers..." ' (all this because a guy may have THOUGHT He was doing wrong by not washing His hands before eating!) the result of Jesus' truth speaking? 'when He left there, the scribes and the pharisees began to be very hostile and to question Him closely on many subjects, plotting against Him to catch Him in something He might say.' it was speaking the truth that caused Jesus to be murdered in spite of the fact that He did nothing but good. Jesus said. 'I am the light of the world' and in john 1 He says, 'the Light shines in the darkness and the darkness did not comprehend it'. the word translated as 'comprehend' gives a rather benign connotation. it can also have the idea of 'over taking' with the hostile connotation of 'snuffing out' and when you think about it there can be little common ground between light and darkness. where the one is the other cannot be. so being light, speaking truth like Jesus can get a person in trouble. the more we say exposes what someone does not want exposed the more likelihood of being hated. Jesus, in the sermon on the mount, likened anger to murder. sometimes truth cannot be tolerated and, if necessary, if the one speaking it will not be quiet, they must be 'quieted' in some way. with Jesus the light that came from His truth- speaking showed too clearly the darkness in men and so He had to be gotten rid of. He was gotten rid of by the pharisees who viewed themselves as the most righteous of men. this world is no friend of light, of truth. the more pointed, the more the truth shows a person's darkness the more endangered the truth-speaker!
so what does this have to do with you and i? what does it have to do with abortion? God's purpose is to make those who believe the Gospel just like Jesus (romans 8:28f)...in other words make them truth-speakers. ephesians 4:12 says believers in Jesus are to be built up until they 'attain to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ...speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ'. God's goal for every believer in Jesus is that they might become exactly like Jesus...in this case be a truth-speaking machine in reference to whatever is happening around them. For example, the correct word for abortion is murder and the correct word for choice is murder. this year i have been down at the planned parenthood murdering facility on louis drive in warminster on a number of friday mornings when they typically, silently (to the outside world) murder 20 to 25 human beings...legally...fully acceptable by our society. the total number we have murdered is now over 50 million and we have also had a large hand in promoting abortion worldwide (now nearing 1,500,000,000 human beings). even my little, tepid public protest of carrying the blown up picture of a murdered 22 week old baby lying, limbs twisted, in its own blood calls forth curses from passing motorists. i am criminally blind myself so i can hold nothing against them. if i saw clearly i would have said long ago,'by continuing to live in freedom i am acquiescing in and blameable for the murder of these innocents and so i will refuse to acquiesce any longer and accept the government's penalty for non-acquiescence. may God Almighty forgive my complicity in this ungodly holocaust...may God help me repent and may 2009 see my little tiny truth -light shine. is it only in losing my life for His truth that i will find it?
this floodgate has led me into brief encounters with government. i have asked the souderton borough council to get out of everything except things that no one else can easily provide. providing and maintaining a sewer system are several things that come to mind. i went to one borough meeting to get a feel for what goes on. during the public comment time
I have been steeping in a book called 'the spiritual man' by watchman nee most of 2008. it is a transformative book in my life. i am now going through the 700 page book a second time taking notes on all my notations from the first time through. each day God seems to richly feed my spirit and subtly continue to make inner changes as well as give me many things to cry out to Him about...oh how i need Him to change me!
of the many jewels i have found i quote p. 205 volume 1. 'a soul under the rule of the Holy Spirit never worries for itself. "do not be anxious about your life (matt. 6:25)... believers actually lose their self in God. hence they can trust God utterly...we know if we care for God's cares that God will take care of our cares. once we wondered at miracles, now we live by the God of miracles and know in experience how God provides every need...the cares of this life emerge as very small items indeed along our daily path.' this passage along with a number of others is making a change in me. i am finding myself hungering to trust God much more than i have to this point. i have always been attracted to those who have lived a life of utter dependence on God and although i am by no means near this yet, things like gandhi's vow of poverty, where he gave up all possessions, is growing more attractive. i also think of Jesus' instructions to the 12 apostles the first time He sent them out. 'do not acquire gold..silver..copper..a bag..two coats or sandals..a staff'...He wanted them to trust totally on Him. in a number of ways i am tentatively attempting to do this. one is attempting to move away from insurance that is not mandatory. (in pa. there is a base auto insurance that is required by law.) another is being a part of a group of believers in Jesus who help each other pay for medical expenses. another is testing trying to get through the winter without turning the heat on in the house. uncle hugh once said that he had to put a little more heat into his house when ice began forming in the toilet. in this case the furnace will kick on at 40 degrees so there is no danger of that. another is thinking of giving up 54 and living in an efficiency apartment. what freedom that would give to focus on eternally important things rather than maintain property. although drawn this way it seems a world of distance between the words of matthew 6:33 and where the heart is. this is definitely a growing inclination though so we will just have to keep asking to give grace to live 6:33.
gandhi's approach to life, experimentally attempting to speak and live out truth has long held an attraction. some attractive quotes and ideas from him made much more attractive by his attempt to live them out and promote the living of them by others: satyagraha or 'firmness for the truth' (what we commonly know as non-violent non-cooperation ie. the 3 hebrew children before nebuchadnezzar's furnace; peter and john before threatening authorities); hind swaraj or an individual's rule over himself; politically, home rule or self-government (the position of the american colonies); swadeshi or the simple life of living by what you make yourself (reflected in the Bible's clearest primer (proverbs 31) on what a God-honoring economy (from the greek compound word oikos (house) + vomos (control, manage, rule); in the new testament the wife is clearly designated by God as the one in charge of this home based economy being called by the apostle paul the oikodespotas or house despot); dharma or religion that underlies all religions which should yield citizenship, liberty and mutual assistance. this was to underlie, primarily, the hindu and moslem religions that were so historically like oil and water and bind them together so that the nation of india could be independent and truly free. this same thing is needed between christian and non-christian elements in america today. they must agree upon the core moral principles thought necessary for survival by civilizations from the dawn of history (adultery, homosexuality, premeditated killing, lying, stealing, disrespect of parents by children and people given over to satan cannot be allowed if a civilization is to survive).
gandhi required all who lived in the commune (ashram) where he lived to take the following vows: non-violence, truth, non-stealing, chastity, non-possession, labor for bread, control of palate, fearlessness, respect for all religions, make what you need, abolition of untouchability.
gandhi's program for independence from the english: 1. all indians return all titles and honorary posts to the english 2. all quit civilian posts in the government 3. all withdraw from being police or in the military 4. non-payment of taxes (this was interrupted because of indians murdering englishmen, gandhi saying that if they couldn't love englishmen they wouldn't be able to love one another and so their independence would fail. a high ranking english official breathed a sigh of release saying that if it had gotten to step 4 they wouldn't have been able to jail 320 million indians for non-payment of taxes.
gandhi on writing: i may not write in anger or malice. i may not write idly. i may not write merely to excite passion..often my vanity dictates a smart expression or my anger a harsh adjective. it is a fine exercise to remove these weeds...fineness is carefully/prayerfully cultivated. (this deeply convicts and is a bit of a measuring rod for my writing).
gandhi: 'my trust is solely in god.i trust men only because i trust god. if i had no god to rely upon, i should be like timon, a hater of my species.'
2008 has seen a new interest in government in my life. though a history major/philosophy and political science minor in college, though an voracious reader in these areas in the past i have been a bit of a political ostrich for a number of years. this has become fully, wide-eyed awake this year. have had brushes with the local school board, the souderton borough council, the local taxpayers group, the pa. state representative... who knows what will come. i have more and more to ask God what He wants me to do each day for ten of me could not scratch the surface of the crying political burdens on my heart not to speak of church, neighborhood, work, family desires and needs.
one thing that has happened that has been exciting is that for the first time i have something to tell about what God has done, and is doing, in me. it occurred to me with increasing power that for the first time in my life i have a relationship with God. i am talking with Him more and more through each day and the big thing is that He is speaking to me more and more! people used to talk about having a relationship with God and i mentally assented, 'i do too. i speak to Him when i pray. He speaks to me through the Bible'. but this was more an intellectual assessment based on what i heard others say. now it is a living, daily experience!
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