Sunday, September 27, 2009

9.27.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!

God says you have not because you ask not. going on His word, yesterday it came to me to just ask around at mision evangelica if anyone had an old Bible i could have. i have been using a spanish-english new testament/psalms/proverbs that seems to be modeled on the niv whereas they all read publicly and teach/preach from a spanish Bible modeled on the kjv (la reina-valera, 1960). after men's sunday school today i was asking several of the guy whether they knew of anyone that had an old copy of the Bible they use when a young man named howard, say 13 yrs old, who was standing by me stuck his Bible in front of me and said, 'you can have mine, i have another (a study Bible). how kind!! i am praying about how the Lord would have me respond.

today we sang a number of old songs i sang a long time ago. how sweet they were! the man who led today did not hurry them but sang them more slowly and clearly...and i was able to actually find them, with some help, and sing along! there was a sweet presence of the Lord in worship today. great. they were talking in sunday school about how the church started with puerto ricans but now have people from 12 different spanish-speaking countries..guess, if i stay, i'll be lucky 13! they also were talking about the berean believers in acts 17 who searched the scriptures to see if the things that Paul said were so. great time!

my first spanish lesson went very well. in the initial excitement i am already done my homework. one assignment was to write 5-10 sentences using the vocabulary learned. here they are with vocabulary capped:
1. yo soy un ESTUDIANTE de la Biblia.
2. yo no TENGO ninguno AMIGO EXCEPTO Jesus.
3. la Biblia es la lampara a mis pies y la luz a mi camino.
4. you QUIERO poner mucho en el BANCO del cielo.
5. como el MOTOR es necesario al AUTOMOVIL, tan el Espiritu Santo es necesario al hombre.
6. la FRUTA del Espiritu Santo es amor, alegria, paz, paciencia, amabilidad, bondad, fidelidad, humilidad y domino propio.
7. mis pecados son el ELEFANTE en mi armario.
8. cuando estoy recibiendo un regalo, yo soy ESTUPIDO intendar comprarlo; cuando estoy recibiendo la vida eterna, yo soy estupido intendar comprarlo.
9. yo quiero comprar una BICICLETA electrica.
10. !(pretend this exclamation is upside down since i don't have a spanish computer) que tengo siempre un AMOR sin hipocresia!
at mision i am starting a dictionary of words i have to look up, whether from something spoken or written there, while i am trying to listen intently to get a better ear. when we read scripture together they leave me quickly behind. toward the end i decided to focus on reading correctly (more slowly and quietly). Lord may You enable me to learn and use this for You..i have heard that within 10-15 years more than 50 % of people here will be from spanish-speaking countries.

finished reading the life of corrie ten boom which jen had lent. was going to return it but was pulled back and glad i did. here is yet another i have discovered that lived totally by faith and just pursued relentlessly what You called her to. Lord, help me follow You! help me trust You to provide.

this week decided to put off 'for pay' work and work at 54. by thursday pm the Lord helped me to totally unearth the iron fence between grieser's and 54 and to scrape the paint off the pillars loren gave for the front porch. at that point i had nearly 40 hours in, had had a much more difficult time with the fence than i had imagined (typical) and had been fighting a virulent patch of poison ivy on both hands and arms for more than a week. even with many scalding hot water-fels naptha soap treatments they show no sign of religuishing their hold. probably the worst i've ever had. next time i see poison ivy starting in an area adjacent to any area i have anything to do with i plan to keep attacking it incessantly until it is gone!!!!

friday went into my 'throw in the towel' mode and hunkered down to read ten boom and inside the (islamic) revolution. i am still on the latter, a 500+ pg book, in the part explaining about the radicals. it is only by God's grace we are not, already, totally destroyed. i keep finding myself saying, steve, what are you doing messing around with 54 when the sky is falling? oh Lord, help me see through 54 to the bitter end for i know it is a test You have set for me to pass. if i'm not faithful in the little things then there's no use doing anything else. i must habitually take care of the basic responsibilities of life no matter how small and insignificant they may appear. o Lord help me work out my own salvation with fear and trembling! help me to get back into the harness tomorrow am repeating the mantra I CAN DO ALL THINGS THRU HIM WHO STRENGTHENS ME. help me finish prepping, priming and painting the fence and porch pieces and put the new water drainage system in. send good weather in Your will oh Lord..... reading inside also MOVES me TO focus more than ever on MEMORIZE THE BIBLE. what we have hid of it in our hearts will be spiritual SUSTENANCE when all around crumbles away. help me hide Your word in my heart so that i might not sin against You Lord.

the renters: ed went to the pennsylvania eye associates in harrisburg to get a second opinion on his eyes. the prognosis he had received, it seems was quite defective. at this place only doctors deal with patients and the doctor who will do the surgery is the last to meet with the patient. a great number of diagnostic tests were done and it turns out that he has rapidly advancing cateracts in both eyes and needs correction for astigmatism. the process took 4.5 hours. he is exceedingly pleased with the care he received and will have the first eye operated on on tuesday and the second eye a week later. so friday he left for home in mechanicsburg not to return for 2.5 weeks. i hope to reach him tuesday pm to see how he's doing. bill and his wife are getting a bit closer.. maybe, so we continue to pray that God will restore their marriage and family (they have 5 children). currently his wife is still talking about divorce and she begins work in new jersey tomorrow. do a good work in them Lord, and help them to both seek You with all their hearts. i am believing You for a miracle of grace.

this week kyle, the kindergartener from next store, and i played volleyball over the fence as we are wont to do. he even helped me a bit on the fence. i am telling him about You Lord. give me the words to say that You will be his all in all. it's precious to my heart to see how he wants to spend time with me. Lord, its absolutely amazing the grace You have poured out on our family. i never spent time with my children, like i am doing a bit now with kyle and yet they haven't totally abandoned me which would be exactly what i deserve for abandoning them when they needed a father the most. thank You Lord for Your mercy. help me to be present for them. help me to be always ready to 'be there' if they need me. bless kyle and my little ones with a heart given over to You...

rejoice, i was reminded this am, is a command that is repeated 72 times in the new testament. the thot came that the commands to FEAR NOT and REJOICE are simese twins for if You are enough (rejoice) then i have nothing to fear. love, dad

Saturday, September 26, 2009

9.26.09 MYSTICISM

westminster abbey in london is one of the few places in the world that doien'disappoint. the man part of wetminster is the cathedral: an enormous, basilica-stle monastery of gothic architecture that leaves one with a breathtaking vision of the height and depth of, if not God at least of the worshipers' concept of God. with the sheer amount of space between the floor and soaring vaults, from the back of the nave to the altar, as well as the complicated artistry on every wall and window, you find yourself awed by everything that speaks of the unimaginable greatness of God. you have a peculiar sense that God is very present and yet not altogether accessible. this is not an unpleasnt experience; on the contrary, you realize that your idea of God has probably been domesticated and confined.

we might refer to such an experience as mystical, although the term is commonly associated in the western mind with something that is highly subjective and meant for only the few. thisis..a stunted definition. in ancient christian theologuy, mystical refers to the wonder of the christian story, the fulfilling of the Father's plan of redemption in Christ, which paul refers to as the 'mystery' I tim 3.16..

ambrose of milan, the 4th century bishop, declared that our very faith 'is the mystery of the trinity', as is the Lord's supper and ..baptism..john cassian taught that scripture too contains the mystery in the form of words, which describe the works of God that are disclosed to human minds only by grace. because God Himself in mystery, we should expect to find throughout the divine text depths and hidden realities that exceed our knowledge. none of these mysteries should be regarded as problems. the distance between creature and Creator is not something to be overcome or removed as if it were an obstacle to growth in the christian life...like many important points of theology, the knowledge of God and the unknowable God have produced a balancing act that historic christianity has sought to preserve. as a result , christianity has struggled since the 3rd century to avoid what (is)...called a 'tyranny of epistemology' in its understanding of God and God's revelation to us. simply put, this tyranny occurs when christians think of God as a great field of investigation, a problem to be solved..

in a fascinating , little-known book..the life of moses (commentary on exodus 1-20), gregory of nyssa attempts to present an anatomy of christian spirituality which he says is a movement from light to darkenss...he was very aware of those in his day who claimed to have a rational knowldege of God that violated the very essence of God. such people asserted that if you know descriptions for God's essence, you could intellectually grasp the being of the divine. in respone, gregory wrote, 'how can our mind, whic always operated on a dimensional image, comprehend a nature that has no dimension?' .. as moses went through stages in his ascent to God, so must we. the first stage..'the way of light'..involves our detachment from the love of things and the purification of the soul..'blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God'. only by purifying ourselves can we become recipients of divine knowledge..we would do well to think of acquiring knowledge about God not through purely rational means, as protestants are wont to do, but by making ourselves a worthy receptacle that can hold such knowledge..second stage is illumination, characterized by an awareness of moving from the sensible to invisible realities. in gregorys progression..this is tha stage of moses' journey in which he entering the cloud..the cloud blocks all outward appearances, compelling and accustoming the sould to look within. here we find the image of God and thereby a knowledge of God. .we must not confuse this knowledge of God with knowledge of God as he is. there is only an awareness of God's presence..the third stage ..depicts moses entering the darkness and seeing God in it..moses approached the thick darkness where God was....john 1.18 states, 'no one has ever seen God'..this darkness expresses that the divine nature remains inaccessible because god is infinite..it should be obvious, then , that no finite mind can plumb the depths of God..gregory puts it, 'how can one arrive at the boundary sought for when there is no boundary?' this is the kind of effect westminster abbey can hav..here is whaer gregory..makes his most noteworthy contribution to christian theology: that the christian life must first be defined by seeking God without end and 'that true satisfaction of the soul's desire consists in constantly going on with this quest and never ceasing in the ascent to God'. this is a joyful conclusion, since it ensures that one can always progess in holiness because spiritual progress is on of infinite growth. for the platonist, all change is regarded as a defect ofr loss; in gregory's system, the process of changing may be redeemed by perpetual growth in the good. it is this sort of movement that describes our transformation 'from one degree of glory to another II cor 3.18 esv. however much the christian is transformed into the likeness of God, God remains ever beyond, so that the sould must always push forward in anticipation in this life and in the one to come.

we must pursue the viruous life. it begins by emulating those whom God has used to fufill His purposes of good. this notion dates back to plato and plutarch, who wrote of the many lives of great men worthy of admiration and imitation. in this same vein, the roman stoic philosoqher seneca wrote, 'plato, aristotle, and the whole throng of sages..derived more benefiet from the character of socrates than from his words'. a similar emphasis is found in the Bible job (patience)..abraham (faith..Jesus..go and DO likewise..and paul..'be imitators of me'

you can't teach virtue by means of words (note: what about 'the things you have learned and received and HEARD and seen in me, practice these things..phil. 4.9)..5th century..palladius..'teaching consists of virtuous acts of conduct: cheerfulness, courageousness, bravery, goodness..which generates words like a flame of fire'...mystical understanding works like this: it's always a mixture of knowledge and ignorance, possession and quest, immanence and transcendence...what we discover in the end is that the intellect by itself can never lead anyone to the virtues of the soul...protestantism..built on a gnostic scheme of a knowledge that saves (?!)..the sermon, not the liturgy is central.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

9.24.09 COLLEGE? EDUCATION? CALLING?

i went to college because both my parents went to college. i went to college to escape the draft. (i do not believe in giving my life in a war that is waged on a no-win basis. if there is evil, deal with it and get out.) i went to college to experience life, to be a brand new person (to bad i brought myself along!) and, oh...what shall i study...i like history. that will be my major. i am interested in understanding government. political science will be my minor. so there i was where my dad, one of the places where my dad, went. there i pursued pleasure, stayed up all night many night, learned i was a sinner (that was valuable!!!) and basically did what i wanted and read what i wanted, etc. i did not go to college to get a job.

for a number of years after college i bounced in and out of school. i was the quintessential professional student. in fact, for many septembers after college was over i had an almost palpable experience of lusting for the academic environment once again. i went to seminary and got an m.div. i was very samsonesque, a powerful (toxic) combination of flesh and spirit. i was too proud and arrogant to listen to anyone else, to seek counsel, to study wise models of human or ministerial conduct. i was wiser than all! so as quickly as i was in the ministry, i was out on my ear with a tremendous amount of bad effects on my family. i was a ship without a sail..away from God's calling with crying family needs. to lose myself i became a workaholic drifting further from everyone inwardly, bitter i had lost the deepest meaning i felt life had.

then in the vain attempt to mollify my wife's desire that i rise above low employment, i went back to school once again and got an m.ed along with teaching certification for elementary school. i didn't like the politics of public education and, in my mind, could not afford the salary of private education and so continued on the course of low employment ie. non-(so-called)professional. obviously most of my problems in the employment world are a result of my hard-headed obfuscation, but in all the darkness the single candle was a bone-deep love of working with my hands. as we humans are in many areas due to heredity/environment i am an odd combination of what i saw in my father (scholar, book-worm) and mother (working with hands) and i would have to say that the latter won out. in another life i could love doing nothing but studying the Word to first practice it myself and then to teach it to others. that would be highest. i could also love to do nothing but study other subjects of love (etymology tops a long, long list of such loves) and to live and then communicate that knowledge in such a way as to enrich the lives of others and the world in which they live. but in this life those choices are closed...and besides I LOVE TO WORK WITH MY HANDS. i would have saved a lot of time, effort and money if i had understood that early on and just found what i love to do, in that area, and do it in such a way as to show God and bless others.

when our children approached college i encouraged them to consider learning a trade. they all went to college. on both my wife's and my side most every person was a college graduate so they would have been bucking hard against the tide..and i think college was good for them generally. none of them seem to have a passion for working with their hands so it's good they went.

my parents never said a word to me about going to college. when nothing was done i had the opportunity to step up to the plate and made the decision to go on my own for the reasons stated above. i filled out all the paperwork myself. like the little red hen, i did everything myself. i wanted it. i knew that if i went it was all on me and i accepted that responsibility. the summer before leaving i bought the first new clothes i had ever owned with my own money. when i was leaving mom made me a big lunch to take in the car full of her out-of-this-world egg salad sandwiches, tastycakes, chocolate milk and other food items she knew i loved. i felt like a millionaire! that was the extent of my parents' financial support. they sent me a strong message. WE HAVE FAITH IN YOU. Y O U C A N D O I T ! how secure i felt in their love for and confidence in me. i became a man.

so when our children were approaching college, even though i had sinfully ceded all 'authority' to my wife, i was still able to exercise a sort of negative authority when i told them two things: it's all on you, stay completely out of debt. the influence of my wife brought as much aid $ in as possible as well as supply of needs..good and bad possibly in its ways..but my message caused our children to hate me..i'm not sure if that has yet turned the corner. it's what i would do all over again.

college, when not true to the Bible, can, apart from the grace of God, have a noticeable deleterious effect on the faith once for all delivered to the saints. my children, having an absent father, were at risk, and there are numerous parental failures, not to speak of evil outside influences and of fleshly aberrations, that can contribute to a toxic abandonment of childhood faith. one EXPECTS such at secular schools but it is an unexpected blow coming in the context of a college advertised as 'christian.

well, i've vented my spleen alittle on the subject and now a more or less quote from world magazine, (7.18.09, p28)..'as i've written before, higher education seems to have been oversold and a glut of grads are taking jobs they could have learned fresh out of high school. but the corollary is a developing shortage of skilled labor. these days, the board certification, not the diploma, may be the surest way to a good living. matthew crawford holds a phd. in political philosophy from the unive. of chicago. he's also a motorcycle mechanic in his own shop. in terms of personal satisfaction and intelledtual challenge, there's no contest between this job and his previous one as director of a washington think tank - reflections on which led him to write 'shop class as soulcraft: an inquiry into the value of work. if you're in the market for power tools, crawford says, surplus stores are overstocked with equipment from high school shop classes. these were largely dismantled in the 90s because of the supposed opportunities for 'knowledge workers' : processors, analysts, visionaries. the notion that not everyone is cut out for 'knowledge work' seems to have escaped the writers of articles titled 'preparing kids for high-tech and the global future'. there's also the troublesome question that if the wiring in the computer lab is faulty, who's going to fix it? crawford argues that there's a high cost to denigrating manual labor, both to society and to individuals. the ideal of education in the computer age is 'indeterminate' human beings, celebrated more for potential than achievement. training in a particular skill locks us in, ties us down. far better, the thinking goes, to lurk on the cutting edge of possibility. cut in the real world, people take pride in specifics. most of us are not mavericks or visionaries; most, in fact, are suited to certain kinds of work and not others how many potential crack mechanics are diverted into mediocre accountants by cheerleaders for the information age? further, in an increasingly specialized society, we find ourselves disoriented and powerless. the model T used to come with a toolbox so the motorist could make basic repai4rs himself. but today he may need a special screwdriver, not locally available, just to open the obelisk-like casing over the motor block. the assembly-line worker of today is the office drudge, shepherding information to no discernable purpose to earn the money to buy vehicles and appliances he can't even do routine maintenance on. crawford suspects we weren't made for such disengagement. he sees a correlation between the brain and the hands; there was more thinking going on in the bike shop than the think tank. the psalmist discerned a similar truth when he wrote 'establish the work of our hands'. paul's admonition to the thessalonians to live quietly and work with their hands is not merely a way to keep out of trouble. he modeled the advice, an educated man who knew and applied a manual trade. there is no such thing as a 'virtual human'. just as the cyber-world requires immense scaffolding of skilled labor, so we need practical skills to connect with our society and ourselves. by all means, train the mind. but don't desparage the work of your hands.'

post notes..i have learned and forgotten much. with each passing day it seems my mind and memory become more and more tenuous. i recent times i have thot of the vast amount of time i have spent accumulating knowledge to satisfy my own lust for it and to make it an ego-building/enhancing idol...and now it has/is turning to dust. it has come to my mind to seek to spend time only on what i can directly use for God in order to know Him better or to show who He is more clearly.. a perspective i wish i had had when i was 10.

also, when education or any activity/pursuit in life is for gaining $/worldly possessions for self it is defacto totally empty and meaningless. only when it is just a means to the goal of glorifying God and blessing others does it bring satisfaction and take on real living power.
also

Monday, September 21, 2009

9.21.09 WHY IS PRO-CHOICE PREVAILING?

to the editor:

in response to dinesh d'souza's article 'sex, lies and abortion' (ct 9.09, p.78) in which he concludes that the pro-life movement 'must take into account the larger cultural context of the sexual revolution that invisibly but surely sustains the triumphant advocates of abortion', i think that while on the right track he stops short of spelling out the central principle involved.

men and women, all being sinners, each have a supreme temptation. men are tempted to substitute (read that 'pursue') sex for the self-denying rigors of genuine/sacrificial friendship and relationship in marriage. women are tempted to substitute control for the self denying rigor of honoring and following the lead of a husband.

as a result of the sexual revolution both men and women have been used and taken advantage by the opposite gender which has resulted in a general abandonment of God's commands to love (men) and obey (women). this could have played out either way. the way it has played out is that women have become gods and have society has bowed down. israel's syncretism of worshipping jehovah AND various other gods at the same time is repeated in america today. no one dares to 'take charge' in any area without the tacit consent of women. consider how adult males are portrayed in the media. consider what would happen if a man, let alone all men, was responsible, because of choice, for the dismemberment and slaughter of his child. women are at the top of the pantheon of 'other gods' in america. they are confident their will, if they really want it, will never be effectively challenged. thus the 'perplexing' phenomenon of the greatest genecide in world history. stephen paine

Sunday, September 20, 2009

9.20.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!

just learned that if i don't save a post that i lose it. DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! had come in yesterday to get an early start on the weekly e to you because was expecting company this afternoon. but an angry husband's call, i am supposing.. who had not been previously consulted by his wife as to his availability, cancelled that. so i arrived here ready to build on what was typed yesterday only to find it went to computer heaven...or depending on your view will be reincarnated as a grimy grocery list that is being run over by feet and shopping carts or the pith of some kind of world-changing declaration of independence..private or public i don't have a clue...but i'm bummed and of such a poor memory that i don't have much of a clue what was written. just as well. IN THE SOVEREIGNTY OF MY GOD IT WAS NEVER INTENDED TO BE READ.

so we blithely go on. this week got a marriage offer from a woman in phoenix via a missionary friend (?) in india. pass. just got an invitation to indian valley mennonite from christine via blog comment. pass. little does anyone know how deeply i am committed to mision evangelica...

work this week was 6.5 hours so i think last week's 18.6 hr weekly avg. ytd will be a high water mark...who knows, possibly for the year. i am very interested to see how close God comes to providing 20 hr a week for the year. (i'm believing He will be right on the mark!) Lord, You have rightly rebuked me for my presumption. all work i thot i had has vanished and here i thot i would blast thru it all and be done in early november for the year. You say, steve, you know I have been schooling you to GO STEP BY STEP DEPENDING ON ME FOR EVERYTHING and presuming nothing. remember, apart from Me you can do nothing...so my precious Lord keeps disciplining me. I FEEL SO SECURE IN YOUR DISCIPLINE and management of my life. i am excited to once again DEPEND on You and not myself, Lord. what a poor substitute self or any other self or thing is for You! all else fails 100% of the time and the only reason i don't think so is because i'm blind. oh Lord open Thou my eyes to see You and Your truth...i was a wandering sheep. keep me from going back.

my lifelong fight against working on my house (or doing anything that i don't want to do) may be in the process of being shattered by the Lord. He has raised up scott to fix the front porch, put the gutters back on the house and install new spouting, ben to assist me in resetting the iron fence..and because of this and shirley, nex door, requesting me to paint her porch i am forced to work like crazy for the next few weeks to keep ahead of everything and get everything done before cold weather..Lord, i'm sensing somehow 2010 is going to be the year of the bamboo (in covey's 'seven habits of highly effective persons' he shares that change in a person is somewhat like a bamboo plant which for a number of years stays the same size and then in one season bolts to 50, was it, 60 feet high. i don't know if he's onto something. but that paradigm-changing illustration was always something i longed to experience. i because of my many and great sins against God have experienced what psalm 107 says. on the one hand there is God..as i have experienced You..and the desired response to Your ongoing mercy and grace and goodness..'oh that men would praise the Lord for His goodness and for His wonderful works to the children of men, for He satisfieth the longing soul and filleth the hungry sould with goodness'...that's You with me. now for my response to You, in the context of Your discipline on me for my sins..'such as sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, being bound in affliction and iron because they rebelled against the words of God and contemned the counsel of the Most High. therefore He brought down their heart with labor..they fell down and there was none to help'. that's where i live Lord. but Lord You were anointed to bring good news to the afflicted..to bind up the broken-hearted..to proclaim liberty to captives and freedom to prisoners...Lord, that's me. hear my cry Lord for You have broken the gates of brass and cut the bars of iron in sunder..cut the bars that hold me back from surrender 100% to You. Oh Lord, hear my cry and set me free......so hopefully i will be able to report THE YEAR OF THE BAMBOO..SET FREE IN CHRIST TO GIVE ALL TO CHRIST AND FOR CHRIST THRU CHRIST.

my father used to eat a big tablespoon of petroleum jelly everyday. told a story of a man who worked on big machinery at the heads of oil wells where this would collect on the gears or something and accidentally (read, providentially) discovered its wonderful medicinal properties. just bought some but like everything else they have messed it up..nothing like the old stuff.

would love to share an article on mysticism in ct (9.09, p47) but for lack of time must share this am with you. got up at 5 (by the way, i'm going to jinx myself but i'm on a roll of 10 consecutive to-bed-at-10-up-at-5...two of my seven daily rocks...I'M SO EXCITED...but now since i said something tonight i probably won't get in bed til 2!)

was spending time with the Lord. currently i am going thru and writing all the commands (imperative mode words) in the new testament. this am came to the 7th chapter of iicor. vs 10 says 'for the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation; but the sorrow of the world produces death'. the thot occurred that i have a CHOICE BETWEEN REPENTANCE AND REGRET. i can chose to meta/noeO (greek word for repent) or meta/mellomI (greek for regret). meta has the idea of after; noeO the idea of thot; mellomI the idea of being an object of care ...so, i'm piecing this together...i can choose to think of anything i have done, said, thot and afterward comparing that with what God has to say about it, seek God's help to move away from me towards God or i can do the same and stay where i am either justifying myself or having the hopeless feeling that i cannot change. repentance is sorrow fading when looking away from self to You Lord, regret is looking anywhere else with the result of continued sorrow. while thinking about this the word 'interesting!' came to mind and so i went after that. what does that really mean? latin has inter + esse. the first is between, the second the verb to be. webster has the idea of interest being when something concerns, affects, excites emotion or passion. regret affects me, thus stirring my interest in digging a bit. i find in spite of the amazing number of failures i've had, the colossal magnitude of my sins, with some whopping individual ones in there, what a jerk i am most of the time (always 'discovered' afterwards) I HAVE NO REGRETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS, I JOYFULLY FIND 'PROPHECIED' IN II CORINTHIANS. Lord, i bless You for producing a repentance in me that is without regret.

as i was doing this the thot came to call the 13 men God has put on my heart. the only one i regularly get is jeff braun and this am i was praying with him over the phone and all the sudden a voice came...to make your call, press one...at that point i realized that jeff had vaporized at some point previous (the prayer still took!). i hung up and called again and got an invitation to leave a message and so continued the prayer until i was cut off. it was an awesome morning though. i like to call early so as not to actually contact 'a reluctant sheep'. truth be told i did not have a burning desire to but was moved to do so out of a rare 'be faithful' urge. well, glory came down. as i called down the list, focusing on encouraging the men with psalm 13 where david, feeling forsaken of God and being abused by men, nevertheless concludes by saying, 'but i HAVE TRUSTED in Thy mercy. my heart SHALL REJOICE in Thy salvation'. WOW what a blessing. david DECIDED IN THE PAST that he was going to trust the Lord come hell and high water and so, in the midst of being forsaken and abused, he confidently looks forward to not getting what he deserves and being delivered from his difficulties...anyway i called a number up twice to get a bit more 'prayed out' over them and the glory came down...there is so much more to tell of God and His goodness, but for this week, i am history..have a good week. love, dad

Monday, September 14, 2009

9.13.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!

i thank the Lord that He provided a good amount of work the first four days this week because friday and saturday were rained out. the weekly avg. for 09 now stands at 18.6 hours. very little work remains and that will be finished dv this week. something may arise but at this point this seems doubtful. the possiblity of staining a big house fell through and other circumstances have developed that may have totally dried up a lot of work i was hoping to finish out 09's hours with..so You have me where i need to be all the time Lord..trusting You for 'what's next'. oh Lord, keep drawing me to the position of total, ongoing trust in only You no matter if the good times are rolling or i am destitute of all provision and help on a human level.

am hoping, nothing coming in, Lord that You will help me to climb mt. impossibility and plant Your banner on the top! i would be talking about fixing, cleaning and organizing 54. i would rather do anything that work on my home/property. oh Lord, strengthen me for the assault, the ascent, the blood-and-guts perseverence..and the thrill of VICTORY IN JESUS in this area of my life. the first..and one of the most dreaded..project that needs to be done is to relieve the neighborhood of hearing the roar of water cascading into a homemade trench by laying new water pipe where damaged and by clearing out the piping going out into the street. i will be having a million excuses not to do it but this year has been a year of tremendous struggle yet tremendous victory. for the first time in my life i have not totally given up in doing what i ought. that is huge. so, two goals for 09: 1. don't give up and throw in the towel thru december. this will be huge because it will mean that i will have to do the water drainage project. (working on the house a certain amount of time every day is one of the seven daily rocks that must be done) 2. end 09 with catching up on rocks that are currently behind from a ytd perspective so this can become the first year in my life to not completely throw aside all duty and the first year to meet all rock (duty) goals for the year. then on that foundation i can work to meet the 7 rock goals every week in 10 and every day from 11 on...PRETTY PATHETIC AREN'T I. this would be a good time to put in a plug to make good habit formation a core goal in the raising of every little child. WOW! would that ever put them light years ahead... but as pathetic as i am, You have not cast me aside Lord. think of all those years when all i thot of was pleasure..doing what i want. You are so precious Lord. thank you for not giving me, in this and so many areas, what i deserve. thank you that You gave me a disciplined wife so our children were not wasted totally by my evil example and are much like her in this area. You are merciful and mighty!!..and i praise You Lord.

every week at mision evangelica my ear for spanish is improving. now i am able to distinguish about half the words although i don't know the meaning of some and the pace is so fast that i can only understand single word or short phrase meaning. but it's good. being, in my old man, a bit paranoid i am stuggling abit..feeling that people are not quite as friendly. but as i think and pray it comes: 1) honeymoon periods are the norm in human relationships. don't worry just stick to what you sense is right and if your heart is right before the Lord then everything is fine no matter if everything is terrible. 2) i am cool toward the women and am often thinking of my dad's advice 'steve be careful of how you relate to women. don't be too friendly of too unfriendly' and am praying, Lord show me the way. but until i am comfortable before the Lord in this area i am uncomfortable, for i feel that a number of women who have been very friendly and to whom i have, maybe, been too cool are moving away. (possibly offended, by their reactions) 3) same on the man side for i am not as friendly as i might because i really don't want to come into a spanish-speaking church and be talking english all the time. again, they may not understand because they don't know what i'm thinking. (i could walk around with a sandwich board explaining my behavior toward women on the front and toward men on the back but somehow i don't think that would be a good idea either.) bottom line is that it's hard to be misunderstood and not feel you are in a position to be able to explain. it's all good. i need to smile alot and say dios bendiga in passing until i can begin actually saying spanish words and understanding them. today i actually had a thot to translate the words of 'victory in Jesus" into spanish, learn them and offer to sing them...but that's probably not from You. show me the way Lord. help me to surrender all this angst to You and relax...

finalized the cremation this week. phil lakjer and i went to univest, i gave them my check for $625 and got an irrevocable thing that can be used to pay whoever cremates what's left behind.
i don't need no service, newspaper thing or eulogies. no need forcing people into public lying! if there's enough left over you guys can go to mt. champlain at acadia and throw my dust up in the air in celebration that I'M HOME AT LAST. if president obama has his way maybe the state will get rid of me early and i can go home sooner. Lord, though, would You burn me out rather than allow the indignity of rust, mold and rot...or perhaps they might put me in a straight jacket in some closet until my state appointed time of departure...the other day i took off from lakjer's funeral home, went down main st., pulled up to the paint store, jumped out and on the way in saw that the back hatch was still open with all my paint cans and supplies sitting on the bumper (glued with divine glue i guess) just as i left them...oh that gallon of slow-penetrating oil paint all over main street would have been fun though!

this diatribe came in the middle of painting...the earth is filled with men who are self-condemned. they disavow a God of judgment but regularly sit in judgment upon those around them while blind to the fact that this should show them - i am created in His image.

this week i began a tepid experiment of trying to recycle water used in the kitchen to be used to wash the car, water the garden, whatever..maybe take a bath in..i don't know. i'm sure there are a world of uses..

i've been thinking that SHIT comes out of every one of us the same way.. from the pope to an untouchable, mongoloid child with a cleft palate in india. it's one of the many quiet messages from God that we're to think about. no matter what 'big stuff' we are it is a constant, (sometimes) silent message that we aren't as big as we think. we all, the Bible says, have a shitty nature and it will keep coming out all our time here. most of us go to great lengths to hide the spiritual/moral shit, just as we don't squat out there wherever and whenever we have the urge come on.

its a laugh isn't it..the persecution of michael vick over dogs in the midst of millions of dismembered, bloodied and deliberately murdered human beings by millions of people in our country..

talked to a little boy the other day about God and when i asked him if he thought he was bad enough to be sent to hell he said no.

there is a person that everytime i get physically near them or hear their voice a deep hatred everytime wells up. oh Lord, have mercy upon my wicked soul. why am i like this?

i am seeing more and more that i must drive people nuts with my continual blabbing. i'm starting to notice it more in others. when you continually talk non-stop i guess you are either saying 1) aren't i and the things i have to say the most interesting and good and helpful and..or 2) i don't really care about what you think to much or about the value of your time. Lord, would You help me in this wretchedness to be healed of diarrhea of the mouth. at least let me have the decency to STOP TALKING BRIEFLY to give the possibility of mutual dialogue or of learning of another's joys and sorrows and interests and troubles..hope you have a good week. love, dad

Thursday, September 10, 2009

9.12.09 MUSLIM DAY PARADE

am busier than ever, in different ways, and so hope to kill three birds with one stone here.

FIRST, THANK YOU FOR PRAYING FOR US IN DEARBORN! it was an intense time but God was very real and present to me..and i would say, by observation and fellowship, to the group gathered there. in spite of some legal difficulty which denied us some free speech rights within the festival itself, God opened many doors for sharing the gospel for which we are thankful. since i'm wordy it would take too long to give a good picture but i went, was there and came home BLESSED OF GOD in spirit and am very aware that prayer was responsible. thank you..

SECOND, as many of you know that i was led to leave immanuel leidy church just before leaving for dearborn. this was extremely hard at first for: 1. i had no leading to any other specific church (and i never again plan to be 'out there' and separate from a body of believers) 2. i was leaving the church family which had surrounded me with love and kindness for nearly eight years. it was the FIRST church family i had EVER been actively involved in. it was the first, and virtually only, church family since my divorce eight and a half years ago and used of God in many ways to contribute to that ongoing healing process. during the time at leidy my relationship with God has been (and continues to be!!) radically transformed by things He has done and is doing in me, obedience He is progressively leading me into and the ever-growing THRILL of being such a wretched, undeserving sinner and yet being FORGIVEN AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..HE DOESN'T REMEMBER ONE OF MY MULTITUDINOUS DASTARDLY THOTS, WORDS OR DEEDS..AND ATTITUTES, and in the greatly intensified nature of my moment by moment relationship with Him. it's weird but leidy church has been, as best i can understand, only the setting of all this change rather than a realized (?) catalyst of it. albeit, leaving the setting of such wonderful change caused deep pain and a free-falling disorientation of sorts. but all that..of the first couple of months is beginning to fade and i sense a growing stability once again.. for i am thinking that God has led me, for however long to a new home.

i have visited a number of churches but 5 sundays ago i was led to mision evangelica on railroad avenue in souderton. the first week i could barely force myself to go thru the front door..filled with fear of the unknown, uncertainty and the fact that they were speaking a language i don't understand. i must say though that they welcomed me warmly. my very initial feeling (typical for me who am very emotional, impulsive, spontaneous) though unable to communicate, is of being ACCEPTED, BELOVED AND ENFOLDED!! time will probably record this as merely an initial experience yet it is very real right now. i guess the Lord knew that i would not stay otherwise...don't know. there are several who have reached out among the men and am staying a bit aloof from the women having been run through many hard lessons as a result of thinking a man can be just as friendly with a woman as with a man..Jesus appears to have done this but either it doesn't work for mere mortals or He hasn't taught me His way in this area yet. all in all it could be alot worse. they invited me to a birthday party after church in the basement, a picnic on labor day at peace valley park (i lied that i was busy and must confess that tomorrow to the brother who invited me..i'll blame it on the fear of being with a group for so long a time when you can't understand or talk to them..still sin..i should have gone) and actually asked me to lead (in english) in prayer one sunday before men's sunday school. (i love prayer time for the one 'leading' is at times drowned out by the others praying along..great! i love it!!) i was led one sunday to cast a lot for mision and it came up 'yes'. i had been led to do this every sunday as i prayed that God would lead me in His way step by step to the right church. well, unlike with the other churches, the weekly lot on mision came up yes-yes-yes. the fourth week i cast a lot on mision saying, 'Lord, i'm sensing this..do You want me to attend here for a while?' again 'yes'. i'm not sure where God's long term or big picture is for me but i am sometimes excited and sometimes lonely and thinking i'm crazy..but dv plan to be a part of this family for as long as God wants. so we'll see...right now am thinking at least till the end of 09. the 'here for a while' sunday they asked me if i would be around for a while and in response to my answer gave me the spanish sunday school quarterly to work on reading. i met someone today at the warminster murdering center who i am sensing may be a good spanish tutor and am praying that she will be open to swap for some paint work. so all you who have been praying for me for leading...WE'LL SEE.. but the leading is interesting for i have had an off-and-on, kind of low grade thot about being immersed in spanish (a single friend or contact of some sort was vaguely the thot) so that i could learn it and possibly one day use it to evangelize/encourage spanish-speaking people...and now God has led me into the midst of a number of spanish-speaking disciples. God may be bringing me out of a very deep and dry between-churches-valley. thank You Lord for Your faithful leading.

THIRD, and final, God has led me to join denny barger and some others (?) to share the love of Jesus with muslims at the muslim day parade in nyc on october 18th. it seems to have been hijacked by the radical muslim element in nyc, the most radicalized muslim area in the country. it goes down madison avenue, i think, and ends in a bazaar of sorts conducive to talking and socializing. SO I'M EXCITED to see what God is going to do there. dv i will also be attending BRIDGES a seven week course taught by denny barger of dreamsalive exploring various common ground areas from which we can launch relationships and from which foundation we can talk Jesus and share the gospel. this is in jersey, over the walt whitman bridge and starts wed pm october 7, i believe. so that should be very helpful and am praying for God to fill me with His love. would you join with me in prayer for bridges, oct. 18th and God's guidance in this area of things. as for dearborn, would you pray specifically for to have:
1) God's VISION of needs/opportunities jn.4.35-8
2) REST in Christ's finished work eph.2:4-6
3) the LOVE of Jesus! mt.9.36
4) an OPEN DOOR Icor.16.9
5) BOLDNESS eph.6.19
6) CLARITY col.4.4
7) STAND in the victory Christ has won IIcor.2.14-6
8) OPEN HEARTS acts16.14
9) GIVEAWAYS IIthess.3.1
10)HUNGER AND THIRST FOR RIGHTEOUSNESS matt.5.6
11)TEAM UNITY ps.133.1;phil.1.27
12)FAVOR luke2.52
13)SUBMISSION TO AUTHORITY rom.13.1-4
14)SAFETY ps.91
15)GOOD LOGISTICS/ORGANIZATION Icor.14.40
16)Holy Spirit-led FOLLOW UP matt.28.18-20
17)the Church of Christ GO OUT, INVITE, COMPEL matt.22.8-9;luke 14.23
18)ABUNDANT FRUIT THAT REMAINS jn. 15.5,16

last night i was invited by a brother to go to calvary chapel of philadelphia to hear a live interview with joel rosenberg (sp?) (jr) the author of 'inside the revolution' and a church planter in the middle east and the 'billy graham of iran', an iranian convert to Christ. it was a divine appointment and very helpful in giving me a better understanding of islam in general and of muslims in particular. most of what i share here is from jr. i was detained and so got there 5 minutes into the interview. at that time jr was sharing about the current showdown that looms large between israel and iran. it is interesting that the current iranian regime was outlawed by ayatollah (you'll have to forgive me but i'm going to 'wing it' on spellings) kohmeni in 1979 when he came out of exile to form the world's first islamic nation in iran as too radical. evidently they are suicidal and apocalyptic and are very ready to destroy israel and the united states no matter how many millions of deaths this involves. they see this as a precursor to the end-of-time coming of the islamic 'messiah'. much more very informative and helpful to understand was shared.

jr then outlined the three groups in islam. 1. the RADICALS. there are 1.3 billion muslims of which 7 % or 91 million are radical. that means that for them islam is the only option and jihad or holy war to the death against all non-muslims is the only means. they are of the suicide-bomber persuation. ( throughout i am just repeating whati understood to be expressed.) these are seeking nuclear power and desire an iranian-pakistan axis along this line. they seek to hasten the end of time and the bringing in of, i would suppose, eternal bliss. 2. the REFORMERS. these would be the vast majority. they believe islam is the answer but desire more rights, openness, jeffersonian democracy. for example, these people were out in large numbers when the recent iranian election was fixed to maintain the radical clique in their power position. 3. the REVIVALISTS. these are 'muslims' who do not think that islam or jihad is the answer but Jesus! they are a very rapidly expanding group, especially in the middle east. in recent years millions in the middle east have been seeing visions and having dreams of Jesus. it is as if Jesus said I WILL BUILD MY CHURCH in this area...even if I have to do it alone! in iran, the first islamic nation, it is as if the spirit is largely: we have seen islam for 30 years. islam is the problem. it is reported that 70 % are atheists, drug addiction is the highest in the world, and prostitution is rampant. the evangelist from iran predicted the addition of 100,000 new house churches in the next decade. people are needy and hungry and are coming to Christ in great numbers. in 1979, the year iran became an islamic republic, there were 500 christians. today 1 million. there are 100,000 christians in saudi arabia, 2.5 million in egypt, 5 million in sudan, etc. islam has not been able to stop satellite tv. for example bishop bostros (?), a believer, has a nightly audience of millions of people from the middle east. many are calling in to receive Christ..tv and internet are increasingly used for discipleship and to teach how to establish house churches.

the session ended with WHAT DO WE DO about all this? it was suggested that we, the church of Jesus Christ need to: 1. LEARN - there are many resources on joel rosenberg's (sp?) site insidetherevolution.org and his book by the same name which includes Bibles and (i'm assuming) evangelistic/discipleship materials, for muslims we may meet, in many languages. 2. PRAY -
-that God would break the spirit of fear in muslims contemplating Jesus Christ to be their savior and lord. they face harassment/ostracization from everyone closest to them.. at best and death at worst.
-that God would give us a heart to love rather than fear/hate muslims
-that we would seek and that God would open up opportunities to befriend muslims
-that God would give boldness and clarity in sharing the gospel with them and the grace to reach out to them by inviting them into our homes and by helping them with needs that come to our knowledge.
-that ' inside the revolution' might be translated into various middle eastern languages and then shared there via tv and internet
-that God would raise up muslim-cum-christians to disciple those who come to Christ via tv and internet
-that the persecuted church would grow in the grace, knowledge and boldness of Christ. the evangelist shared of being in a house church recently where during scripture memory time a 79 year old man, a mother in her 40s and a child, all recent converts, got up one-by-one and nailed acts 2, all 47 verses, word perfect.
3. LOVE - Jesus said for us to love our neighbor and our enemy therefore
-build friendships with them
-pray with them (they will let us!)
-don't argue with them
-see them as God sees them (ask God to take away fear/hate)
-THE MORE THEY ABUSE/ATTACK US THE GREATER THE OPPORTUNITY to be kind and loving in return. this is extremely important for allah is not at all associated with love, only with fear and hate. most muslims, other than by dreams and visions, are coming to Christ via contact with loving christians and by comparative theology (islam does not meet the needs of the human heart so they are hungry and seeking and thus open to investigating other spiritual-based beliefs)..love seen and experienced personally opens a door to investigate the love of Jesus Christ.
-realize that God loves them very much. in genesis when hagar was driven away by sarah and had thrown her son, ishmael (the father of many muslims in the world), under one of the shrubs and went a distance off so as not to see him die, God spoke to her. 'arise, lift up the lad and hold him in thine hand, for I will make him a great nation'.
-realize that Jesus has torn down the wall between people who are different (ephesians 2) and take for your motto I Shall Love All Muslims (all people!)

THEY ARE AT WAR. ARE WE? FOR WE WRESTLE NOT AGAINST FLESH AND BLOOD BUT AGAINST PRINCIPALITIES, AGAINST POWERS, AGAINST THE RULERS OF THE DARKNESS OF THIS WORLD, AGAINST SPIRITUAL WICKEDNESS IN HIGH PLACES...GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN YOU THAN HE THAT IS IN THE WORLD...

Sunday, September 6, 2009

9.6.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!

my take on tolkein's frodo taking the ring, which made it possible for him to become invisible and thus escape perceived danger, and casting it into the fires of, was it, mordor is this. each one of us is faced with a deep, life-long , inner struggle which pits self-protection against self-renunciation. (ie. 'in this particular situation - and there are probably billions - will i do what i want or do what i ought') he left his shire, home, a safe, warm and lovable place, to go on a harrowing epic journey to bring an end to self-protection. his was a representative position, like that of adam and Christ, whereby whatever he did would effect every other being in his world. adam's choice to knowingly follow eve in disobedience to God's only command has resulted irrevocably in every human being born irrationally bent away from and against the only One who loves and can truly help them. there is nothing that can change this. however Christ, already eternally existing as God to all eternity future, in His choice to become a man because that was the only way that he could die in man's place, makes it possible for any human to be miraculously unbent...and thus saved from eternal destruction. frodo, in a mythic way takes his place beside them. his-self-protection- leading-to-enslavement-cum-self-renunciation-leading-to-freedom is, like Christ's action, offered to one and all as a choice. however, the frodo myth is not a once-for-all reality-change but a MOMENT BY MOMENT WAR where it is possible for both self-protection and self-renunciation to silently ebb and flow in one's inner man. the position one is at at any given time, however, is having a silent, powerful, but very real effect on every one else. our unseen, spiritual reality teems with possibilities. i am frodo. i too am on a journey to end self-protection.

dios te bediga (God bless you) was coming out of my mouth this am at mision evangelica. i am understanding snatches now and am able to distinguish many more words as i listen to prayer, praise, singing and teaching. blessed time of worship and singing this am. am trying to pray in spanish and make sense of the sunday school manual, the bulletin and Bible. it is an uncertain journey on both sides. i'm not sure how to relate and i would think they have the same reservations. so, with God's help i will seek to just put one foot in front of the other and see what God has in store.

i hope, by God's grace, to be at the muslim day parade october 12 in nyc and to begin taking a course called bridges for the next seven wednesdays in new jersey. this will further an understanding of areas in which a muslim and a non-muslim have commonalities upon which to establish dialogue.

it seems to be getting more difficult to work. for the last 6 weeks now i have failed to put 40 hours 'on the board', not thru lack of work but thru other things squeezing it out. after an abyssmal 14.5 hour showing this week i am barely hanging onto an 18+hr weekly avg for the year.

ed officially joined bill and i as an inmate at 54 last tuesday and after several hours talking time we are getting acquainted.

the Lord keeps giving me gifts. yesterday a man with whom i worked on a job site over a year ago offered to give me 10 vintage, hard-wood porch pillars. since i only need several i asked for 4 and he said, when asked how much he wanted, that he was going to give them. so now hopefully the porch repair can begin and i can actually fit time in to paint it before cold weather.

it seems as though phil lakjer may be selling his funeral business so i have decided to sign up for a stripped down cremation package which should be settled when i bill him for the painting i am now completing for him.

i am sensing that, for some reason, my heart is not present here with you now so rather than just type more dead words i'll spare us both. hope you have a good week. love, dad