foreword...the Dohnavur Fellowship is a group of Indian and European men and women who work together in the south of India. its friends wanted to know how it began...
from an old Gaelic Rune:
Jesu, son of the virgin pure,
be Thou my pilgrim staff,
throughout the lands (2x)
Thy love in all my thoughts,
Thy likeness in my face,
may i heartwarm to others
and they heatwarm to me,
for the love of the love of Thee (2x)
8...and now, in a place quite unlike a city street on a riany day, another great truth was made vital. it was the grave of the pioneer missionary, Ragland. it lies on a bare plain in North tinnevelly, near a small, ruined house. the day had been hot, we (the Walkers of Tinnevelly and i) had had a rackety journey and a walk on a glary white road. nobody seemed inclined to speak, the stifling heat discouraged speech and we hung about the ugly little ruin and the depressing tombstone like wet socks put out to dry, to quote a perfect word for the feelings of hot, limp people at the end of a blistering day. it did not seem the moment for anything inspiring to happen; but suddenly mr. walker, ragland's spiritual successor, broke the tired silence with words that are associated with R: - 'of all plans of ensuring success, the most certain is Christ's own-becoming a corn of wheat, falling into the ground and dying: 'verily, verily, i say unto you, except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone; but if it die it bringeth forth much fruit'. forgotten then were the heat, the fag of life-forgotten was everything. for a minute we stood in silence, and i know that the prayer rose then from the depths of our hearts: Lord, give it to us to live that life and to die that death and to bring forth fruit unto life eternal...
16...f.b. meyer had been stuck by the bedecked christian women of the South. he had also come full upon caste and debt- both prickly subjects and when he pleaded that the whole burnt offering might be laid on the altar, he named them explicitly as hindering things, instead of skating round them and giving, what all india loves, 'a spiritual address'. his words were an offence. his sensitive spirit felt this acutely. years afterwards he wrote to us that he had been sorely tempted over that series of meetings. and small wonder. he had spoken plain words and the devil never forgives plainness of speech.
to us who were left to bear the brunt of the blame after this most unpopular mission was over, came a great calm. we saw the road clear before us; the only thing was to go on. two or 3 fellow missionaries and a few christians were one with us in spirit and that was cheer. but we learned to go on unaffected by approval or disapproval. for the matter of the jewels was only one of a series of tests and disciplines; and we proved the truth of words that we read much later: 'there is always something more in your nature which He wills to mark with the Cross...
62...my flesh and my heart faileth-let them fail. for God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever. has anyone ever been able to tell what our glorious Lord can be to man, woman, or little child whom He is training to wait upon Him only?
63...life is battle-yes, but it is music. it knows the thrill of brave music, the depths and heights of music. it is LIFE, not stagnation. oh, taste and see that the Lord is good. Blessed (happy, very happy) is the man that trusteth in Him.
66...it is God's truth that one loving spirit sets others on fire.
..if our children were to grow up truthful they must be taught by those who had a regard for truth; and not just a casual regard, a delicate regard. on this point we were adamant.
...and we learned that to cling to a creature is to 'fall with the sliding creature'. our story may find its way to someone who must do what may seem foolish ('narrow-minded' is the usual adjective). it is well to know that when the devil finds that his fiery darts fall harmless, sometimes he plucks from his quiver the light-feathered arrow of a smile. but the only way of peace is to go on quietly, so we went on, and tried to obey our light.
69...we have never been led to go on to higher education. when a keen girl-student recovering from a long illness began to learn greek for recreation, it was that she might be able to study her new testament better and so do more for the younger ones. we never had time for what (to us) would have been luxury. and as they grew older, we tried, by means of travelling on the king's business, and with the splendid help of books, to enlarge our children's minds so that they would be always eager to learn more.
71...those were years of rigid economies, for though we were never burdened about funds, we thought in terms of pence, not shillings, much less pounds. receipts for gifts were often gummed on the back of post cards to save stamps and stationery. and everything else was done in that careful spirit. but no one knew that we were at times almost in straits. they only knew that all our needs were supplied, for we told them so, and it was true. the times of shortness were for the proving of faith; the end of almost each year saw us with something over.
72...if the Spirit of Him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, He that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his spirit that dwelleth in you- we asked for that as a present experience, and i believe received in some measure a life that was quickened and sustained for the sake of the children.
...'the work' will never go deeper than we have gone ourselves. 'i bear in my body the marks-i bear branded on my body the scars of Jesus as my Master....how often we have pondered the paragraph beginning, in stripes and imprisonments, in tumults and labours-and felt unworthy to be called followers of the Crucified.
can he have followed far
who has nor wound nor scar?
76...from the first the children did the work of the compound; we teach them to keep their little world orderly because of the cloud of witnesses. (foot. a friend, writing of bishop westcott, says this beautiful thing about him: ' in the presence of the unseen he met all life, and you could not surprise him out of it. in this atmosphere he worked and breathed. not only god Himself, but the cloud of witnesses, the communion of the unseen body of Christ, were more real to him than the things seen'. and the same friend tells a story of how the bishop's chaplain, finding him struggling late and minutely one night over the draft of a service for a humble country church, reminded him that the congregation would not be critical. 'they are accustomed to anything, he said. with a gentle, surprised smile, such as elisha's might have been in dothan, the bishop looked up from his desk and said, 'you forget: WHO are 'the congregation? we are only an infinitesimal part of it'.
77...we had always much singing and silence counted with us too. we found that the children could learn to understand silence. we had a minute's silence before beginning our worship together and often a pause somewhere in the middle. it could never be long, because there were so many who were very small. the day from 5 am until 10 pm was divided among us, each taking certain hours for prayer-not the whole hour, but whatever space could be given and a prayer-bell-a disc of metal hung under a tree-was struck hour by hour. from the first we found that even very little children used the bell with a sweet and simple confidence.
as we went on continually asking that the ways of prayer might be opened to us, we learned that the kind of intercession that is like a musical chord, every note in harmony with every other and all seeking to be tuned perfectly to the keynote (the will of our great Intercessor) is something worth guarding at any cost.
we found prayer choruses uplifting too. years afterwards, we sent a few of these out in a small book called Wings, but they could only be a few and the music which wings the words could not always be given. we grew into a kind of prayer that is, for us at least, very helpful. we ask to be led bny the Holy Spirit from point to point, each prayer leading on from the preceding prayer till the particular subject laid on our hearts has been dealt with,
78 and we have the assurance that the Lord will complete all, as Kay translates Ps. 138.8.
this way of prayer is just the opposite to the kaleidoscope kind, which darts hither and thither all over the earth or over a number of scattered interests (often within the limits of a single long prayer) leaving the mind which has tried to follow perhaps dazzled, perhaps tired. it is a much simpler thing. such prayer is often brief; it is often silent or it may take the form of song and we are lifted up as with wings to our lord's feet. it is possible only when all who are praying together do thoroughly understand one another, are, indeed, as one instrument under the control of the spirit of God, who moves on each severally as he will or unites all in silence or in song. such prayer asks for something not easily defined. Darby's translation of exodus 23.21, 'be careful in his presence', comes to mind as a word that expresses its quietness and awe, and the jubilant psalms show its joy.
the habit of having a settled prayer day once a month was a great help. it led to something which we could not do without now-occasional extra days when we plan, so that the many whirling wheels of our busy world shall run down as much as possible and we be set free to give ourselves to prayer. 'do not be so busy with work for Christ that you have no strength left for praying', said hudson taylor once. 'true pray requires strength'. to secure even half a day's quiet in a large family like ours needs careful planning beforehand, but it is worth that. again and again things have happened after such a day that nothing we could have done could have effected, for prayer is truly force. so when the constraint is upon us we yield to it, believing it to be of God. sometimes to one or another privately this compulsion comes and we have a quiet room set apart for this purpose; no one goes there except for quietness. when it comes to all, then, after we have had some time alone, we meet as on our usual prayer day and this way of being together in prayer is a strand in our gold cord.
foot..others have felt the same necessity. 'when any Sisters life of prayer has been seriously broken in upon, as when a Nurse-Sister has had a succession of bad cases, arrangements are made for counteracting the effect of this when the special time of strain is over.
'the time that is thus set apart for quiet and prayer may seem to some to be excessive. but it is to be remembered that the sisters in india have to face a heathen world, and to work in an atmosphere which is, whether they are conscious of it or not, full of deadly evil influences; and that this, when it is combined with hard work in a very enervating climate, tends greatly to wear them out and makes it very necessary for them to be in direct and habitual contact with him who is the Source of life'. -oxford mission to calcutta.
'Christ knew how the holiest service, preaching and healing, can exhaust the spirit, how too much intercourse with men can cloud the fellowship with God, how time, full time, is needed, if the spirit is to rest and root in him, how no pressure of duty among men can free from the absolute need of much prayer..andrew murray
79 it was not long before we began to understand the reality of the authority often exercised, especially at night , by the evil one, our enemy, upon the minds of these lately delivered from his prison-house. so far as we knew, the babies were not affected, but older children and converts were. if strong threads of affection bound the heart to anyone in the old life, then there would be at times distress, apprehension of trouble there, perhaps a vivid dream revealing it in tangible form. the immaterial became material, or the material appearing in the immaterial stuff of dreams disturbed and sometimes seriously injured, the life of the one thus strained. often we heart afterwards of what had been happening just at that time hundreds of miles away (miles matter nothing where spirit forces play) and were able to trace the influence to its source. tuesdays and fridays, the nights given up to demon worship for thousands of square miles in the south, seemed to ask for special guarding by prayer, for the throb of tomtoms which filled the air and the weird cries of the worshippers were sometimes reminiscent and sounds, like scents, have extraordinary recalling power. but any night might hold a need.
for all such conditions we found just one sure antidote-the peace of God. let the will close down the door on the old life with its allures, its pictured memories, let the last thoughts before falling asleep be set on Him, the Eternal keeper who neither slumbers nor sleeps, let some hymn or psalm or calming promise or assurance fill the last conscious moments and the spell will be broken. an old prayer (SirThomas Browne's )
80 is as sure of an answer in an indian room tonight as it was in an english home 300 years ago:
while i do rest, my soul advance,
make me to sleep a holy trance
that i may, my rest being wrought, awake into some holy thought.
and now and here, as always everywhere, there is One whom the winds and waves obey and He draws near to the frightened soul and says, it is I; be not afraid. and when He is as near as that, the weakest of His little children sleeps peacefully and is almost sure to waken into some holy thought.
were then ever naughty? 'you know, dear children, you are in a beautiful garden, but the serpent entered the garden of eden, remarked an excellent friend one day, in the course of a sunday address and he thought that he was giving them information.ther was, i fear, an impious chuckle in more than one small soul, though, to our relief, the upturned faces were suitably demure. did they not know that? why, of course. snakes love gardens. and as for the serpent who 'entered the garden of eden', they know him only too well. but, even so, the garden helped. a carelessly disobedient child would be sent to find a disobedient plant, one whose leaves ought to grow alternately or opposite or in whorls and which disobeyed its law; a destructive one would be told to stick on the leaf it had plucked off from pure wantonness-a deplorable habit, too common here. for punishments were various. a quarrelsome child had a deer's horn tied round her neck or, ir very small, was put in a barrel out of which she could not climb, and in which she soon tired of her own cxompany and sometimes persistent offenders were given switches and told to go and fight it out-this always ended in laughter.
two fables often came to mind in those days. when we were perplexed by diverse advisers (for we found that both books and people differed considerably about the proper way to bring up children), then we thought of aesop's old man and his donkey. and when we hardly dared to do anything for fear of doing wrong, the mother bear story..was delightfully in point: 'shall i, said the bear's cub to his mother move my right paw first or mjy left or my two front paws togetheer or the two hind ones or all four at once or how? 'leav off thinking and walk, grunterd the old bear. so in a great simplicity we tried to let the children grow as the green things about tjhem grew, not too closely regarded, not pulled up at frequent intervals to see how they were getting on. and there was always the hope that they would be part of the crown of flowers that our Lord would werar one day.
83 often then, much more often than now, we had to take risks. what soldier does not? it was second nature to hazard anything to save a child. we tried to walk wisely and lawfully too, but at a time when the only adoption the Law recognized in the case of a girl was that of a temple-woman it was impossible to be always on the safe side. to have a missionary in fail would not have been comfortable for the Society with which we, (mabel wade and i) were at that time connected, so we arranged with the Secretary on the field that if one of us were imprisoned, that one should drop out...
..once the word was caused to run quietly through south india that should a little girl for whom we were known to be fighting a losing fight in the courts, appear at any mission station she should be protected and passed on safely . and this was done. how often we have thanked God for fellow missionaries.
..a child of 8 was about to be dedicated to the god of one of the great temples of the south. her father had married out of caste. this had made trouble, so he had killed his wife and was about to marry again. in a case like that, the child, if there be one, is
84 usually dedicated (note-to the temple where she becomes a sex slave) and the family starts afresh. we tried to save the child, but could not. now, a month or so later, the indian friend in whose house we had been staying had found that if certain expenses could be met she might be redeemed. one hundred rupees was the sum required. would we send it or not? the answer had to be given at once.
it was the first time such a decision had had to be made. the life of a child was at stake. we sent the hundred rupees.
then doubts arose. NOR SCRIP (throughout, other books that were written concerning this ministry when noted will be captitalized...if i remember :) tells of these and of how they were set at rest. but ponnamal (golden) and pearl, the two faithful indian sisters who shared this matter with me, were unhappy, though their loyal hears trusted me. it was such an unheard of thing to pay money for the redemption of a child. was it strange that they felt apprehensive? i asked then if i might pray for a token that could not be mistaken, to show whether or not we were in the will of our God. and to that the answer, i thought, was Yes. what may i ask, Lord? you may ask for one hundred rupees. we had never up to that time had a gift of 100 rupees.
and it cam. a fellow missionary who knew nothing of this (no one knew outside the house) was caused to think of us and to feel that she should send us something. she was about to write a cheque for a different sum, so she told us..but she felt constrained to make it just 100 rupees. we laid the cheque on the floor like a little new gideon's fleece, and, kneeling round it, we thanked our heavenly Father.
86 ..it was written by walker of tinnevelly and was called CUSTOM AND LIBERTY. no one would publish that...for with a firm touch it dealt with matters that are usually left because they are too thorny to be comfortably handled, so we printed it ourselves...
87...to test her vocation we sent Perfection on a long visit to her relatives-graduates, in good positions in the city of madras. she returned from that visit sure of her call and in the steadiness of a purpose that the Lord formed and guards she has gone on ever since.
sometimes in strange ways the call comes that compels. often in india, as in older days in palestine, the Lord speaks to His simple children in dreams. we do not explain this or defend, we only know that it is so. there was one, hardly to be called a child of the household, though she had
88 been baptized, who sat on the floor day after day with her hair streaming round her shoulders and her eyes pouring out tears - for she was a widow.
she must stay in that dimly lighted room. she must sit there and mourn. so said her mother in law, also a baptized hindu rather than a genuine christian. so she sat and wept loudly, as custom ordained and lamented according to custom and because she had a very bad temper and her mother in law's was still worse, that house, though wealthy, could hardly be called happy.
after some troubled months, the widow had a dream. one whom she did not recognise, dressed in a long white robe, came to her and said, 'i will send you to a place where they all love one another. He vanished with the word, and she woke. 'if this comes to pass within 7 days i shall know that it is certainly the doing of the Supreme, she said to herself. within a week a festival was held in the church near by. the bishop came to it. the missionary took him to see the old mother in law and her daughter in law, as being the noted coverts of the place. he stood silently in the doorway and looked at the widow. then slowly he said something in english. the missionary translated. the words were the same that she had heard. how it was effected she does not know, but a few days later she and her little son arrived in Dohnavur..
89...money came to build a school. 'is it impossible to make the idea of entire consecration the foundation of education? was andrew murray's question when he was founding his Huguenot Schools two or three generations ago...
..once it was a conversation at the breakfast table. missionaries from different parts of india were in Dohnavur that day. all were one in lamenting that the type of chistian we turned out from our various institutions was so lacking in certain qualities which make for character. i could not help wondering, as i listened to the talk of these seniors, how a new type could be expected to evolve from an old mould. it could not be that the plastic stuff poured into the mould was incapable of receiving a finer impression. everything in me refused that explanation. ..'open your ears to what walker iyer says to you about spiritual things (things theological), but close them if he speaks of other things' (things theological), was the advice given to his convert lads by their schoolmaster in the mission school. this was the mould. how expect a new type from it?
..'the raft the current carries where it will' is the Tamil synonym
90 for the life swayed by the surrounding usual. those rafts were everywhere.
in our mountain ravine, just above our swimming pool, a small tree grows on the rock in mid-steam. when the river is in flood and a roaring torrent pours over the little tree, whipping off its every leaf, it stands unmoved. its root grip the rock. we wanted the children to be like that. 'give them time to root, we used to say to our advisers. 'we are training them for storms and floods.'
93 but fears came up perpetually and danced before our eyes like wearisome, mischievous goblins; we found that we could only go on if we leaned all our weight on the promises. and there was always a sense, even then, that something good lay ahead and that we were being shaped for that good thing, though we did not know what it was. their Redeemer would not waste the children. if only they had the sovereign quality of truth, somehow the way would open. so we tried to bring them up to be truthful and faithful, ready for any sort of hard work, not slackers. and though, when we could not answer the frequent, 'and what are you going to do with them? with a clear cut pan and must have appeared unpractical and foolish, we were not cast down. 'Thou knowest, Lord; Thou hast not show us yet, but Thou knowest', we used to say to Him, and found it comforting. 'only teach us how to train them in honesty and thoroughness, in detachment from the spirit of the world and in a pure indifference to all its tinsel allurements. give us some to help us who will understand about the gold and silver and precious stones. let us not be disappointed of our hope. and he answered with a word of strong consolation; for He Himself knew what He would do.
98 O merry love, strong, ravishing, burning, willful, stalwart, unslakened, that brings all my soul to Thy service and suffers it to think of nothing but Thee. Thou challengest for Thyself all that we live; all that we savour; all that we are.
thus therefore let Christ be the beginning of our love, whom we love for Himself. and so we love whatever is to be loved ordinately for Him that is the Well of love, and in whose hands we put all that we love and are loved by...
O love un-departed! O love singular!...
we praise thee, we preach thee, by the which we overcome the world; by whom we joy and ascend the heavenly ladder. in thy sweetness glide into me: and i commend me and mine unto thee withouten end. richard rolle (1290-1349), THE FIRE OF LOVE , AND THE MENDING OF LIFE.
99 all through those years of beginnings we had lived with a menace in our ears. it was like living within sound of the growls and rumblings of an approaching storm.
at last, in 1910 and 1911, the storm broke upon us and we were plunged into a welter of troubles in the law courts. it was then that for the first time we understood the 77th psalm-with one exception, it seems to me, the most poignant in the whole psalter. will the Lord cast off forever? and will He be favourable no more? is His mercy clean gone for ever? doth His promise fail for evermore? hath God forgotten to be gracious? hath He in anger in anger shut up His tender mercies? and i said, this is my infirmity: but i will remember the years of the right had of the most High.
but still, though we did remember, those awful questions pierced us, for the child for whom we had fought so hard was alone in her desolation, snatched from us by powers too strong for us and she had clung to us with all her might. the thought of her was like the probing of a spear and a cruel voice cried aloud in our ears, turning the spear-point in the wound: 'hath God forgotten to be gracious?
it was then that a scale was given to us by which to measure all that could ever be again. never more could ordinary trials and trifling rubs appear worth the energy of agitation that is so often spent on them; and we have never yielded to the temptation to make mush of them without a felling of shame. for that long series of law suits was a long, single hunt; the hunters were very evil men and the hunted was a child who had trusted us to save here.
her name was Jewel, and when was young, pure spirited girl to whom we had given a promise that no power on
100earth could make us break, that we would never give her up to her iniquitous mother. when we gave her that promise we did not know how impossible, from the human point of view, it was going to be to keep it. after anxious months and a miracle of deliverance, J had been given to us in open court. her mother and her responsible relatives had signed a yadast (a document handing her over to us). but they went back on their word and filed a suit against us, accusing us of breaking the child's cast, which according to the terms..we were bound to keep inviolate. the judge at that time was Sir Charles Spencer, afterwards of the High Court, Madras; when it was known that he would try the case, the false witnesses fled. not for silver nor for gold would they face the keen eyes of that sahib, they said. the case was dismissed and with thanksgiving we brought our J home. but the relatives bided their time. they waited till a new judge came, then they moved again on a new charge.
the matter created a stir allover south india. missionaries of every name and government officials who know about the notorious mother, openly stood by us and all the better hindus and muslims of the country side, for once united, were with us in sympathy. we had what everyone thought was a good case; but, to the general astonishment, the court ordered us to return J to her mother. the Courts of Heaven intervened then. while we were away fighting for her, a courageous friend, a guest who was staying in Dohnavur, helped the child, disguised as a Muhammadan boy, to escape. and she was passed from hand to hand till Handly Bird, the Great-heart of south india, risked everything and carried her off to china, where she was sheltered for 6 years. of this we knew nothing for a long time, for our friends who acted for us carefully kept the knowledge from us. an anonymous post card, 'For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew Himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward Him', greatly comforted us' but many felt that, should J be found and brought back, the only way to save her would be to broadcast her
101 story, so we wrote it and held it ready. a page from it now (for we had not to use it) may show the supreme hour of that long fight, the hour of utmost defeat, when for the first time we tasted public shame and scorn and knew how little we had drunk as yet of the cup of our Saviour's agony for souls. but that hour of our humiliation in the sight of men was the hour that shone as no other hour in our lives had ever shone and it shines in our memory still like a great star in a moonless night. this is the page:
the hours between sunset and midnight of that last night (the night before we went to court for the last time) were sacred to Jewel. as we lay close together on the cane cot on the verandah we fell into silence; but our last talk was of john the baptist and of faith that nothing can offend. and before i left her i took her hands in mine and looked down into her upturned face, 'promise me, whatever happens, by His grace, you will never be offended in Him'. and she repeated, 'i promise by His grace, i will never be offended in Him'. for a moment we stood so in the starlight, looking into each other's eyes. then we look up together to Him, our Beloved, 'Lord, dear Lord, whatever happens, by Thy grace we will never be offended in Thee'. then we parted. the child stayed in Doh, and we started for our night's journey by bullock cart. and on the way the open oval of the cart framed the Southern Cross.
next morning at 11 o'clock the court opened. for 1-0 minutes or so we stood straining our ears to catch the words of the judgment read by the judge. but he read inaudibly and our pleader told us that we must ask to be allowed to read it ourselves, which we did. it was handed down to us and we went to the court library, where the clerk read it to us. we were as those smitten in the place of dragons.
but we were not forsaken. we were sitting wound the table, the clerk was floundering slowly through the bulky manuscript, some 30 or 40 pages of foolscap, glancing at us every now and then to see how we bore it, his drone occasionally jumping into a metallic staccato was an encouraging grunt from the mother's pleader roused him, when suddenly i saw through the open door a paradise flycatcher, a dear bird that had cheered us before. it alighted on a branch of the mango tree near the door and looked in as if giving a message to someone; and then it flew in among the dark green shadows, its long, white tail-feathers streaming like little pennons of victory.
the heavy, hot hour wore on: we had reached the last long minute of it, when a word stung like a whip-lash. the
102clerk was wide awake now. the cruel face across the table tightened up. the mother's pleader shot forth his hand and snatched the paper from the clerk. 'Costs! has she to pay them? for the whole suit?' he had never dreamed of that.
then suddenly, all unbidden, unprayed for, came a strange triumphant joy utterly unprayed for before. we might have been the victors, it was such a victorious joy. it welled up like the springing of a fountain. it was so new, so pure, that i did not recognise it for my own. was it the sudden shining of His face? was it the joy of those who departed from the presence of the council rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for His Name? was it that sacred joy?
i do not know. but i do know that all that went before and all that had to follow, when the time came for paying the price in hours emptied of all conscious illumination, was as nothing in comparison with one moment of that joy.
104 her lies a lover who has died for his Beloved and for love; who has loved his Beloved with a love that is good, great and enduring; who has battled bravely for love's sake, who had striven against false love and false lovers; a lover ever humble, patient, loyal, ardent, liberal, prudent, holy and full of all good things, inspiring many lovers to honour and serve his Beloved. raymond lull
105 that court case was the beginning of a long period of keen anxiety, or what would have been anxiety but for the presence of our Shield and our Defence. the shields of the earth belong unto the Lord is a word that we have often proved. we were advised by an english chistian barrister to 'disappear the children and lose their traces'. for precedent is everything in india and there were many evil men who, encouraged by that unexpected order of the court, were ready to go to law to claim children to whom they were not related; false witnesses who would swear to relationship were, of course, only a matter of rupees. but we could not possibly 'disappear the children', so we went on from day to day depending upon the God of our mercy, and when threats muttered more like low thunder than ever, we gathered the children round us and looked up and again and again were delivered from all our fears. but the story of these deliverances would fill a book. when we meet the gallant friends whose prayers and deeds stood round us and wrought for us through those days, will the unwritten stories shine for them like living pictures? will they see, rather than read or hear, what they were used to do in this far away corner of india by the mighty means of prayer.
on the home side good help had before this been given to us. our kindergarten,so sadly closed, had been reopened; a friend who broke down in the University Settlement, Bombay, had come to us, and she stayed with us till ill health forced her home. before that had to be, the answer to our years of prayer had come - strangely enough, through the loss that, more than any other in those early days, cast us upon our God.
106 on august 24, 1912, Walker of Tinnevelly was with Christ. his wife was in england, ill; she cabled in answer to our cable, 'the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away, Blessed be the name of the Lord'. a sentence in a letter from bishop Moule when bereft of wife and daughter shows life as we slowly, painfully, learned to live it: 'i am learning the lesson set to the weaned child: i am learning to do without'. we had to learn to 'do without'. did our friend see from the other side the answer to the prayer that we had so often prayed together about the children's education?
15 years before that date, agnes naish of westfield had come to a south indian college with one purpose: to teach and train indian girls to be winners of souls among their own people. she was now with her elder sister, edith, evangelising in the villages. her heart had been deeply moved about the children who are in peril all over south india and through the delirium of a severe illness she had been haunted by the thought of them. when Mr. Walker left us, she and her sister offered to come and help us through the pressure of the time. in the following year they joined our Fellowship, and agnes naish took charge of our school. frances nosworthy, a trained kindergartener, cam a year later and after 2 years, helen bradshaw, also trained; and so our prayer was answered. years afterwards, when the work had grown beyond our expectations (for is it not the glorious tale of all who know our Master that His ways with us pass not only our asking, but even our thinking?) two young sisters, alice and joan roberts, were given and 19 year old joan just lapped up the language, as someone said, and acclimatised so beautifully that her parents' faith was justified in the eyes of many who had looked on doubtfully when one so young came out....
107 soon after agnes naish took charge of the children's education, our principles were tested. a friend of an influential official in the educational world came to stay with us. she told her friend of what we were doing. he was interested and the end of that was the offer of a grant if we would come in, even only partially, under the general scheme. we were to have large concessions, but, of course, would have to prepare our children for the usual examinations. this would have bound us to use as teachers some who could not build in god, silver, precious stones and sometimes (to mention one matter only) to use as readers books which we did not believe could do anything towards forming the character we wanted.
(foot - see The Republic of Plato (golden treasury series, page 15 of analysis) the passage takes point from the fact that our one purpose was to prepare children for war. 'but war implies soldiers and soldiers must be carefully trained to their profession. they must be strong, swift and brave; high-spirited, but gentle. but how must they be educated? - in the first place we must be very scrupulous about the substance of the stories which they are taught in their childhood...truth, courage, and self control must be inculcated by all the stories that are employed in their education'.
we had no freedom of spirit to consent. to be outside the running of the
108 official machine was certain to handicap us in many ways in the future, but we could not touch money that must sooner or later lead to compromise. it was a thing forbidden.
109 ..the searching forces of bereavement were close upon us now. ponnamal (golden), with whom the earliest journeys on behalf of the children had been undertaken,she who had cared so faithfully for the little nursery in neyyoor, gradually failed, and soon became very ill.
we had no liberty of spirit to 'claim healing'; we hardly understand the use of that phrase; we know too little to 'claim' where temporal blessings are concerned. but we felt free to have a solemn service of Prayer and Anointing and Committal. it was led by a friend of many years, dr. stewart of madras, and as we lad palms about our dear ponnamal we knew that, however the answer came, there would be victory, there would be peace.
and as the days passed we were kept in the sme mind. we knew our Father. there was noneed for persuasion. would not His Fatherliness be longing to give us our hearts' desire (if i may put it so)? how could we press Him as though He were not our own most loving Father? in that understanding with Him we lived through the next two years:
and shall i pry, Oh, change Thy will, my Father,
until it be according unto mine?
Ah no, Lord, no, that never could be, rather
I pray Thee, Blend my human will with Thine.
110 and work in me to will and do Thy pleasure,
let all within me, peaceful, reconciled,
Tarry content my Well-Beloved's leisure
at last, at last, even as a weaned child.
can one pass that for peace and deep heart's ease?
it was soon evident that healing as by the touch of His hand was not to be. our Lord often uses His human healers now, so we took ponnamal to hospital.
our neyyoor friends were away at the time, but the Salvation Army hospital at nagercoil in tranvancore was good to us. in the dawn after our night together in the bullock-cart, as it trundled slowly along the road leading between the hills into travancore territory, she and i wondered what the end of that journey would be. would it be relief? neither of us had assurance about that. then what new valley of sorrow was opening before us? these strange valleys which cross the plain of life are not unknown ways to any of the Father's children, but at the entrance the soul trembles just for a moment - then it enters unafraid, for Thou art with me, Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me. and so began the walk through the valley which was to prove a valley not of shadow only, but far more of illumination, of springs of water and of corn fields, and at the end, for ponnamal, the light of her Lord's face.
we were three months in nagercoil: 'do Thou so make my bed in all my sickness that, being used to Thy hand, i may be content with any bed of Thy making', was our prayer then.
111 ponnamal suffered long. we need not recall what she has forgotten and what can be shown to the greater glory of God has been told in the book called, PONNAMAL, HER STORY.
but it was not all storm and rain: there were sunny spaces. i cannot show them more tenderly than in the melodious words of the old tale: 'and behold, at a great distance he saw a most pleasant mountainous country, beautiful with woods, vineyards, fruits of all sorts, flowers also, with springs and fountains, very delectable to behold. then he asked the name of the country: they said it was Immanuel's Land'. on august 26, 1915, ponnamal was received into the celestial city and to us again was set the hard lesson, to learn how to do without.
we missed her at every turn. we were too few to be able to protect every part of a compound whose wall was nearly a mile long. P's vigilance had been a continual help and now that it was removed the evil one had his chance. anxiety upon anxiety followed. 'no one is indispensable. you will be given another ponnamal', said some easily. mistaken words and vain. they did nothing to help us through.
no, it is not by giving us back what He has taken that our God teaches us His deepest lessons, but by patiently waiting beside us till we can say: i accept the will of my God as good and acceptable and perfect, for loss or for gain. this, word for word, spelled out by ponnamal's death bed, was the lesson set to us to learn:
he said, 'i will forget the dying faces;
the empty places-
they shall be filled again;
O voices mourning deep within me, ceases.
vain, vain the word; vain, vain:
not in forgetting lieth peace.
he said, 'i will crowd action upon action,
the strife of faction
shall stir me and sustain;
O tears that drown the fire of manhood, cease.
vain, vain the word; vain, vain:
not in endeavour lieth peace.
he said, 'i will withdraw me and be quiet,
why meddle in life's riot?
shut be my door to pain.
desire, thou dost befool me, thou shalt cease.
vain, vain the word; vain, vain:
he said, 'i will submit; i am defeated;
God hath depleted
my life of its rich gain.
o futile murmurings; why will ye not cease?'
vain, vain the word; vain, vain:
not in submission lieth peace.
he said, 'i will accept the breaking sorrow
which God tomorrow
will to His son explain'.
then did the turmoil deep within him cease,
not vain the word, not vain;
for in ACCEPTANCE lieth peace.
114 but indeed through it all God does make known to us wonderful resources of His mercy. He does help us, beyond all that we can ask or think, by the kindness and gentleness that He teaches others to show us, and by the Light that changes the look of all things and by the uplifting power of His grace and by showing us our task in life and by setting us to help and think for others: so in all these ways He bears us on from day to day. and it is just from day to day that we have to hold on; not looking into or puzzling about the further distances of this life, but doing our best each day with each day's task and each day's duty, trusting God to give us the strength and light which for each day we need. - francis paget, bishop of oxford.
115 we had learned that the best way to protect such a child was to put her in some safe place pending the decision of the court. we could not always depend on a brave guest or on the cooperation of fellow missionaries. so the only thing to do was to put cuckoo where she could not be found, and, if things went against us, to say that we had done so and take the consequences - 7 years' imprisonment.
but ponnamal lay dying. we had been with her through months of suffering and she had counted on us to be with her to the end. how could we leave her> 'but do not think of me, she said to that. in the gathering up of the love of the years she said it, 'do not think of me'.
it was impossible for any english person to travel unobserved with an indian child. we had no indian women who could do it. but there was one who could do it - arul dasan, he who had narrowly escaped having his eyes filled with pepper because he would not turn from his Lord Jesus. he was a young man now and he was with us. he listened as we told him what it might cost if things went wrong. we did not know how the law would regard
116 his share in the matter. it might be impossible to shield him even though we declared ourselves responsible.
opposite to us as we talked, hanging upon the wall, was a picture, 'the vigil'. i took it down and gave it to him. 'keep your vigil, i said, and he took the picture with him. that night he kept his vigil and received his sword and buckler, the empowerment from on high.
and yet it was in fear and in much weakness that he started and it was a worn and weary arul dasan who returned 6 days later. he told us that on the 2nd day, in a house boat on the back waters of travancore, as he sat with the little Cuckoo nestling close to him, a group of men stood talking in the stern. 'look at that child, said one of them and spoke of the criminal case about to come on in madras. the 2 men dropped their voices and went on talking, glancing round again and again at him. the loss of little Cuckoo - prison; arul dasan faced both in that hour
and the accals, the indian sisters, how show the temper of their steel? after arul dasan started on his journey we gathered them together and told them everything. they were all young, inexperienced, timid by nature and terribly afraid of the very word prison..
..it did not appear to help them much to be reminded that in olden days prison was usual. the martyr stories, they seemed to think, belonged altogether to another order of life..
at last someone spoke. 'willit not be possible to have a buthil? (buthil means one who does something instead of another.) and from all round the group came that one word, 'will it not be possible? then, more
117 earnestly still, 'oh, let me be buthil! yes, up to 7 years' imprisonment, 'let me be buthil'..
next day a telegram came -'criminal case dismissed'.
118 when we were sure that all was safe, the friends who had sheltered Cuckoo sent her back to us. we met her at a big junction in the midst of the usual crush and clamour of a railway station. when first she caught sight of us among the crowd there was a whoop, a wild leap into our arms and a joyful jumble up of hugs with all four limbs at once. when we had liberty and leisure to look round, we saw a crowd of smiles.
blessed for ever be the cord that binds those who yield to its mighty bonds one to another. 'do not think of me' - 'let me be buthil'. the love in such words is eternal. this is a thread of our gold cord.
120 in answering the questions of the christian as to the failure of science to throw light on the nature of God, Sir Arthur Eddington says, 'i doubt whether there is any assurance to be obtained except through the religious experience itself; but i bid him hold fast to his own intimate knowledge of the nature of that experience...we may embark on the venture of spiritual life uncharted though it be. it is sufficient that we carry a compass.
121 i have told nothing, so far, of how supplies have come so that we could continue from year to year, because any who care to know about that will find it written in 3 little books, NOR SCRIP, TABLES IN THE WILDERNESS, and MEAL IN A BARREL. but there may be some who would like to know, before they read further, something of how we were taught to take such words as our Lord's about the lilies and the ravens and the sparrows quite simply (perhaps the odd sparrow, the fifth thrown in as an extra by the birdseller, is as good a name as we could find for our fellowship - the odd sparrow that is
122 not forgotten). so i will copy a few paragraphs from the first of these records. they belong to our earliest days and to a time of temptation to fear.
then, as never again for 15 years, i was allowed to taste of the cup which would be poured out for me if the money did not come. allan gardiner, for some hidden good purpose, was allowed to starve to death. therefore such an issue could not be regarded as impossible. the children -i need not trace in writing the end of that thought. but i did that day tread every foot of it in imagination and came to this: suppose the christian world cries shame on the one responsible, what will it matter, after all? the children will be in heaven and is that not better than the temple?...
123we have never lacked any good thing; and during the years of War, people in the towns and villages began to say, 'God is there'; for they could not account for what they saw except by saying that. and, later on, when we were able to do more outside work, we found that true thoughts about His love had already been spread abroad, because of what He had done. we have never had to labour to prove that He hears and answers prayer; the fact of our existence witnesses that it is so.
there were days of tension, days when it cost 15 times more to bring a child from the nearest station than it had cost before the War, because of the fall in value of the pound and the rise in the price of rice, which sent bandy fares
Friday, October 30, 2015
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)