my life in the spirit has been somewhat akin to a car crazily careening all over the road. the cause of this in large part, it seems, is because everything (or more realistically, many things) seems to attract me. it drives me crazy and makes life very difficult to manage. i have very little peace lately, especially since late summer last year when i started feeling i need to respond, in writing, to everything that comes along. i have had a lot of strange things happen in the area of writing and in other areas that have caused me to wonder if some or all of these things are akin to the angel of the Lord forbidding balaam's donkey to proceed with the result that he did some strange and irritating things to balaam.
during the winter in organizing the file system i came across a paper on the use of the lot by uncle hugh (H) written in 1966. at the time of organizing there was a strong impression to reread it but at that point i had been rereading so much that the impulse was refused. since that time, though, the same impression has come back a number of times. the idea slowly formed that maybe this was part (?) of the Lord's answer to my continual overload dilemma. today, desperate and bone-weary in spirit i read the paper. H explains a childhood experience where his father, in response to some mischief which had no child confessing, decided to ferret out the culprit by use of the lot. he put everyone's name on slips of paper, put an x on a slip and put a blank slip in a basket. then he had everyone pick a piece out. H thought that this was not good for he felt pretty sure that no one in the family had knowledge of the crime. when the basket had been passed around, the blank piece remained in the basket. H reports that the random probability of this happening is once in 3.6 million attempts.
despite this experience H reported that most people in the church at that time did not believe that the lot was for the church age even though its use is reported a number of times in the old testament. after marriage and as the worst of the great depression was over H found that as the circumstances of others improved, theirs worsened. during this time he was reminded once again of the lot, made a study of it in the Bible and was led to begin using it for guidance. reading between the lines and from my discussions with H it appears that he used it quite extensively in his life from that time forward.
H related several instances. he had been working as a entry level clerk even though degreed in physics (no jobs available) and had the opportunity to interview for a foreman's position at international harvester. he had no idea of what he was worth so he put several figures on different pieces of paper and a blank one (for the Lord to indicate 'other') into a hat and drew out the blank one. upon checking as to whether to go higher or lower the indication received was to go higher. he did this several times until he finally drew a dollar figure, one astronomically higher than he would have thought to say in the interview. when he interviewed and the man asked what he wanted as salary he told the figure received. the man seemed very pleased to hire him and actually gave a bit more than he asked. a few months later as a result of leading a crew that came up with good answers to problems that had plagued the department for quite a while, he was moved to general foreman over the whole area.
H told one other story of when he went to the aragonne national laboratory to work as a metallurgist. they were being pressed to pass on some metal for use in a test reactor. the lot told him 'no' but he had no reason he could give. nevertheless, despite intense pressure, they did not ship the metal for use. upon further guidance he asked clearance to break the metal rods and in so doing they were proved to be defective.
H then gave some comments on the use of the lot:
1. the lot should be essentially a solemn vow before the Lord. it should not be looked at as magic. i believe he quoted something in proverbs to the effect that the lot is cast into the lap but the disposition of the whole matter is of the Lord.
2. the lot should not be used to check up on God's faithfulness or integrity. i am thinking he meant that when you cast the lot, you should not cast it again to see if the first answer was right. 3. he learned that the lot can reveal a disobedient, presumptive will. i guess he had occasions where he kept casting the lot because he was sure it gave the 'wrong' answer. one time he got the same 'wrong' answer 20 times in a row. (he must have devised coming at the same thing from a number of different angles?)
4. he did not feel it was good to consult the lot again after the action or lack thereof seemed 'failed' in some way unless the coming was motivated by a willingness to receive rebuke or correction from the Lord.
5. the lot truly shows God. He has a right to be arbitrary with directions and we do well to acknowledge that right. it may seem to us that He is telling us to stand on our head-if so, we had better try it and see how it improves our perspective. He is not arbitrary in actuality. we can ask for instruction concerning the why of the guidance. as H was increasingly led to ask, the Bible became increasingly lucid in many areas. H concluded that greater difficulties may come by going God's way (guess he meant with the assistance of the lot) than being self guided. if we can be instructed by our failures, refuse to trust doubtful intuitions and screen the subjective and the subversive from decisions it will be well. H is the only person i ever knew who used the lot besides dad.
well, today (wednesday, march 25th) i began using the lot. typically, right out of the gate i used it a lot.) whereas most might sense an occasional need, i'm using it as a (hopefully) divine buzz saw to clear cut the dense forrest of pressing, irresistible NEEDS i'm currently entangled in and compassed round with! one delight is that it cut tea day out of my life. (picking up the account sunday, march 29th). since wednesday have had to turn away a number of emails requesting to know where the souderton tea day is being held and to e afa requesting that they delete my information from the list of cities involved in the tea day protest.
i have also confirmed that i'm not to go to canada this summer and a myriad of other issues. we'll see how long this lasts, but for now i have a tremendous influx of peace which is nice. so far i have not cheated by refusing to follow the lot and i sense that this can be something that may ber faith-increasing. for instance i cast the lot: 'should i return my scooter to groffdale machine shop( in new holland)?' when it came up 'yes' i took it out. the Lord used it as a witness to alvin groffdale (first alvin - my father's old name before he went to heaven and got a new name which no one knows except Jesus Himself- i've met in a long time) and left it on consignment there. that was a bit hard. but i am sensing grace to just let go of all my own trying to figure things out and my own worries about them and leave them totally in the Lord's hands. i have at times felt the security i have always heard that a child experiences when their parent sets firm boundaries. kind of different and kind of cool. a first.
one lot i cast was 'do you want me to be involved in political activism?' i'm not sure it was correctly phrased or approached in a prayerful manner. the answer was 'no'. i'm not sure about this one. the 'no' may have been 'you did not phrase this correctly, it was too general' or something to that effect. i haven't cast on that exact question again but am in prayer about the whole thing. not that i feel i am consciously resisting the answer. in many ways it would be a tremendous stress-reliever and simplifier and catalyst to bring focus into my life. i have often wondered if the whole chaos of my life this past 7-8 months is 'a lack of peace' from God because He doesn't want me involved in this area. one reason why i am in prayer is that without thinking i cast a somewhat contradictory lot: should i attend the school board meeting tonight? and got a yes answer. another reason is that God has been speaking to me through the Word.
one of my wretchednesses is being so proud and cocky in the flesh and having such an acidy, cutting, sarcastic, generally wicked tongue that i have frequently used instead of the sword of the Spirit...this often has come out in the political realm of things. on the one hand it seems that the Spirit is gently, softly recalling me again and again to the 'fret not' and other powerful instructions that God prescribes for me in psalm 37, contrasted on the other hand with the boiling-sea anger in my spirit when i read/hear about/observe what is being done and spoken in the world. well, as i have been ruminating day after day on various areas of the sermon on the mount, i was attracted once again to the beatitude,' blessed are the GENTLE for they shall inherit the earth.' trench's 'synonyms of the new testament' comments on this word as follows:'praus speaks of the temper of spirit in which we accept His dealings with us as good and therefore without disputing or resisting. closely related to tapanophrosuna (the greek word for humility) because it is only the humble heart which is also meek, which does not fight with God or struggle or contend with Him. first of all before God, then also with men realizing the insults and injuries which they may inflict are permitted and employed by Him for the chastening and purifying of His elect. the meek know themselves as a sinner among sinners. the knowledge of his own sin helps him to meekly endure that of others. it is a grace previous to (the greek word for humility) but is not able long to continue with out. the theological dictionary adds that praus (greek word for gentleness) is used in the LXX for the hebrew word for the poor, humble, afflicted person...the one without rights (oh how many RIGHTS i have especially being so much better than those around!), the oppressed, those who are cheated, exploited and cursed. Yahweh takes the part of such. He hears and comforts those who find no mercy among their fellow men. He will finally reverse all that is not now in their favor. the word hence moves from material poverty and becomes the self-chosen religious title of those who in deep need and difficulty seek help from yahweh alone of have found it there. the old testament quote that uses this word concerning Jesus is found in zechariah 9.9, 'your king is coming to you. He is just and endowed with salvation, HUMBLE and mounted on a donkey'. Jesus says, 'I am GENTLE and humble in heart' (matt. 11.29) . in II tim. 2.25 the Lord's bondservant should 'with GENTLENESS correct those in the opposition. titus 3.2 says we are to 'malign no one, to be uncontentious, GENTLE, showing every consideration for all men. james 3.13 says, 'who among you is wise and understanding? let him show by his good behviour his deeds in GENTLENESS of wisdom'. luther called Jesus the beggar-king. He has no rights. He appeals all to His Father. oh fill me with You, dear Lord Jesus!!
hope you have a good week. love, dad
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
3.24.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!
it's kind of hard to communicate where i'm at right now. i think the Lord has me in bootcamp of some sort. just spent all computer time available for the last three days responding to what is coming in and now am left (on tuesday afternoon) with 15 minutes to communicate with you. what do i say. how can i possibly share all i'm experiencing now none of which seems of any redeeming value? in every area of life i am experiencing strong cognitive dissonance. almost everything i am actually doing i strongly disagree with or am not sure that it is the right thing to do. the last of a long line of examples is that i signed up to organize a tea party in front of the souderton borough office. so far over 1000 cities have signed up. i am the last person qualified to actually do such a thing. i have no confidence that at noon april 15th there will be anyone beside myself there...that actually would be infinitely easier to deal with than any other possible outcome. i would stand with my little sign, burn my bush economic stimulus check, have a word of prayer and go home....why do i keep doing things i'm not at all qualified to do? why do i do things i don't want to do and not do things i do?
have just, for some reason been given 15 more minutes so i'll share a snippet of something from the Bible. in meditating on matthew 6 the other day i was again impressed with the power of Jesus' declarative statements of fact, such as:
1. things that are treasured (stored and accumulated) on earth are subject to destruction and theft.
2. things that are treasured (stored and accumulated) in heaven are not subject to destruction and theft.
3. where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
4. the light of the body is the eye.
5. your whole body will be full of light (if your eye is single)
6. your whole body will be full of darkness (if your eye is evil)...i've been given 15 more..
7. how great is the darkness (if the light that is in you is darkness)
8. no man can serve two masters. (if he tries..either
9. he will hate the one and love the other..or)
10. he will hold to the one and despise the other.
11. you cannot serve God and mammon (valued or treasured possessions)
12. (Question) is not the life more than meat and the body than raiment?
13. your heavenly father feedETH (repeatedly/continuously) the birds who do not sow, reap or gather into barns.
14. Q. which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
15. Q why do you take thought for raiment?
16. even solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like (a lily of the field who does not toil or spin)
17. ...wow 15 more!...Q shall God not much more clothe you (if He clothes the grass of the field like this, which today is and tomorrow is cast into the oven)?
18. all people seek for what to drink, eat and clothe themselves with.
19. your heavenly Father knowETH that you have need of all these things.
20. all these things shall be added to you (if you seek first God's kingdom and His righteousness.
21. the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.
oh may God help me believe Him. have a good week. love, dad
have just, for some reason been given 15 more minutes so i'll share a snippet of something from the Bible. in meditating on matthew 6 the other day i was again impressed with the power of Jesus' declarative statements of fact, such as:
1. things that are treasured (stored and accumulated) on earth are subject to destruction and theft.
2. things that are treasured (stored and accumulated) in heaven are not subject to destruction and theft.
3. where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
4. the light of the body is the eye.
5. your whole body will be full of light (if your eye is single)
6. your whole body will be full of darkness (if your eye is evil)...i've been given 15 more..
7. how great is the darkness (if the light that is in you is darkness)
8. no man can serve two masters. (if he tries..either
9. he will hate the one and love the other..or)
10. he will hold to the one and despise the other.
11. you cannot serve God and mammon (valued or treasured possessions)
12. (Question) is not the life more than meat and the body than raiment?
13. your heavenly father feedETH (repeatedly/continuously) the birds who do not sow, reap or gather into barns.
14. Q. which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
15. Q why do you take thought for raiment?
16. even solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like (a lily of the field who does not toil or spin)
17. ...wow 15 more!...Q shall God not much more clothe you (if He clothes the grass of the field like this, which today is and tomorrow is cast into the oven)?
18. all people seek for what to drink, eat and clothe themselves with.
19. your heavenly Father knowETH that you have need of all these things.
20. all these things shall be added to you (if you seek first God's kingdom and His righteousness.
21. the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.
oh may God help me believe Him. have a good week. love, dad
Sunday, March 15, 2009
3.15 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!
greetings. wow has this ever been a different week. before this week i had worked just over 105 hours during the first 9 weeks of the year. this week i clocked in at 58.75 hours! i could have worked more but there's too much to do! God is good!! He's brought me to about 16.5 hours average per week. if He blesses me this way too much more i may be able to get all 1040 hours in early and then be a full time missionary somewhere for the rest of 09. we'll see what He has in mind. it's cool because last week i had made a decision not to seek work in the borough moving lawns and shoveling snow (i'm hoping, more and more, to be enabled to work very close to home so i leave as little negative environmental footprint as possible). i probably could have had the work but as i prayed about it just did not have a peace. it seemed like the Lord was saying quietly, 'haven't I been providing well enough to meet your needs?' so i decided no and then He sent two apartments to do along with the rest of leidy's second floor to complete and sent them in a way that all three worked together perfectly. praise Jehovah Jireh! may i completely entrust every detail of my daily life to His care and seek FIRST His kingdom and His righteousness.
yesterday went down to the high school state quarterfinals (only 8 teams left in pa.) at the villanova fieldhouse to see penn wood win a thriller over pennsbury and york win a thriller over parkland. i'm supposed to help at a banquet next saturday night but maybe i can sneak in the state championship game at hershey, we'll see. this was the first game i went to this year as a paying customer (went to a few at souderton after halftime when you get to go in for free). as this game was coming up i was praying about if it would be alright to go and seemed to be getting a 'its ok'. then just as eddie and i were leaving to go down i went out to get the mail and found a customer refund check for $10 from jefferson hospital where i had the two shoulder operations 2.5 years ago which cost nearly 20k...and they send me a $10 refund? right on that day.. it seemed to be a God-thing. kind of a kinky little quirky way of saying, 'i love you and i want to show you that in a special way here by paying your gas, tolls and game ticket ($6). God is good! basketball has been losing a bit of its special glow but 'in Him' it had a special glow yesterday!!
God has been dealing with me over a long time about mom. during the divorce proceedings i was looking at mom in a very judgmental, negative way. she was the evil one who had done wrong and was solely responsible for the divorce. i was the pure, holy, wronged party in the whole affair. somewhere past the half point of the 8 year period since the divorce was finalized God began to reveal to me that it was more i who had driven mom out than her who had left. the responsibility gradually came to rest, in my thinking, more and more on me and less on mom and in accepting this i also came to realize that it probably would not be appropriate for me to remarry. it has been wierd in this area, as in many other areas, that i live in a double-tiered reality. on the one level are the normal human feelings and thought - in this case the aching loneliness and longing for the companionship of one who shared the same view of reality and what is of greatest importance in life and being able to care for and enter into that person's life in a way that would greatly bless them at the same time as having their full-hearted support and help and encouragement in the reality that God had appointed me to live. on the other level - almost a looking at all the human part as if it were the longings of someone else combined with a supernatural presence keeping me from it as well as helping me cope with the loss of it. this has been my experience i would say at least for the last several years here. then on friday i sat down to spend time with the Lord and was focusing on matthew 5 as part of my current meditation on/study of the sermon on the mount. just as at so many times and in so many ways during this last 8 years God has just APPEARED to deliver a potent, life-changing truth to me so imperceptibly (the closest thing i can think of is when a nurse is talking with you - and you are dreading getting a needle - and she is pleasant and joking maybe and ..THERE..the needle is in and the shot is over before you were even expecting it). and this was the needle He gave friday night so quickly, so deftly, so skillfully...steve, you did not just (neutrally) drive your wife away from you, you did it criminally and wickedly!!! the needle came when my eyes rested on the next verse. matthew 5:31-2,'and it was said,"whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of dismissal", but I say to you that everyone who divorces (lit. SENDS AWAY) his wife, except for the cause of unchastity (i was looking at this in an entirely convoluted way 180 degrees away from the truth as mom was divorcing me and i had not been unchaste!!...how blind in sin i must be so much more than what i could ever believe!!!!), MAKES HER COMMIT ADULTERY; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery'. don't get me wrong. mom is not sinless. but i not she clearly bare the primary responsibility for our divorce. out of time.
hope you have a good week. love, dad
yesterday went down to the high school state quarterfinals (only 8 teams left in pa.) at the villanova fieldhouse to see penn wood win a thriller over pennsbury and york win a thriller over parkland. i'm supposed to help at a banquet next saturday night but maybe i can sneak in the state championship game at hershey, we'll see. this was the first game i went to this year as a paying customer (went to a few at souderton after halftime when you get to go in for free). as this game was coming up i was praying about if it would be alright to go and seemed to be getting a 'its ok'. then just as eddie and i were leaving to go down i went out to get the mail and found a customer refund check for $10 from jefferson hospital where i had the two shoulder operations 2.5 years ago which cost nearly 20k...and they send me a $10 refund? right on that day.. it seemed to be a God-thing. kind of a kinky little quirky way of saying, 'i love you and i want to show you that in a special way here by paying your gas, tolls and game ticket ($6). God is good! basketball has been losing a bit of its special glow but 'in Him' it had a special glow yesterday!!
God has been dealing with me over a long time about mom. during the divorce proceedings i was looking at mom in a very judgmental, negative way. she was the evil one who had done wrong and was solely responsible for the divorce. i was the pure, holy, wronged party in the whole affair. somewhere past the half point of the 8 year period since the divorce was finalized God began to reveal to me that it was more i who had driven mom out than her who had left. the responsibility gradually came to rest, in my thinking, more and more on me and less on mom and in accepting this i also came to realize that it probably would not be appropriate for me to remarry. it has been wierd in this area, as in many other areas, that i live in a double-tiered reality. on the one level are the normal human feelings and thought - in this case the aching loneliness and longing for the companionship of one who shared the same view of reality and what is of greatest importance in life and being able to care for and enter into that person's life in a way that would greatly bless them at the same time as having their full-hearted support and help and encouragement in the reality that God had appointed me to live. on the other level - almost a looking at all the human part as if it were the longings of someone else combined with a supernatural presence keeping me from it as well as helping me cope with the loss of it. this has been my experience i would say at least for the last several years here. then on friday i sat down to spend time with the Lord and was focusing on matthew 5 as part of my current meditation on/study of the sermon on the mount. just as at so many times and in so many ways during this last 8 years God has just APPEARED to deliver a potent, life-changing truth to me so imperceptibly (the closest thing i can think of is when a nurse is talking with you - and you are dreading getting a needle - and she is pleasant and joking maybe and ..THERE..the needle is in and the shot is over before you were even expecting it). and this was the needle He gave friday night so quickly, so deftly, so skillfully...steve, you did not just (neutrally) drive your wife away from you, you did it criminally and wickedly!!! the needle came when my eyes rested on the next verse. matthew 5:31-2,'and it was said,"whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of dismissal", but I say to you that everyone who divorces (lit. SENDS AWAY) his wife, except for the cause of unchastity (i was looking at this in an entirely convoluted way 180 degrees away from the truth as mom was divorcing me and i had not been unchaste!!...how blind in sin i must be so much more than what i could ever believe!!!!), MAKES HER COMMIT ADULTERY; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery'. don't get me wrong. mom is not sinless. but i not she clearly bare the primary responsibility for our divorce. out of time.
hope you have a good week. love, dad
Sunday, March 8, 2009
3.8.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!
have been thinking of Jesus. there was bad stuff going on all around and yet he didn't get involved to try and prevent it. do i know a better way than He? after His baptism He settled in capernaum in galilee and the first summary statement about what He was doing said, 'Jesus was going throughout all galilee, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every kind of disease and every kind of sickness among the people'. this thought about Jesus has been coming to me - no editorials, no incendiary statements or actions, no condemnation except in rare exceptions to those who were religious do-gooders...
my life, on the other hand, consists of saying incendiary things, of being what maybe my better self would metacognitively view as mean and nasty. more and more time i spend sitting in front of a computer typing all this stuff. i spend much time getting, investigating and responding to email from pro-life concerns. i send many belligerent and rude messages to those evil people in our government who are doing evil things whether concerning social justice, moral/ethical concerns or economic action all the while finding that the welter of wickedness around and within is never-ending. i carry a sign with the picture of a murdered baby on it and, again, an incendiary message on the other side. certainly all this magnetizes to one part of who i am and so, in a real way, comes naturally...the question is is this the part of me that is like Jesus or another.
another verse i came across lately was in acts 10:38, 'Jesus of nazareth..anointed with the Holy Spirit and with power..went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with Him'. after His resurrection He said to His followers, 'go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you' . His last words to them before He ascended to heaven were, 'you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you and you shall be My witnesses both in jerusalem and in all judea and samaria and even to the remotest part of the earth'. no mention of social justice whether broadly or narrowly defined.
all this has been flowing into my inner person lately in place of isaiah 1:17, the old testament verse that keeps 'calling' me to oppose abortion. Jesus' mission on earth was not of a bellicose nature and yet God thundered the condemnation of the law from mt. sinai and the old testament prophets uniformly spoke in thundering condemnation of sin. many say that Jesus 'the god of the new testament' is different from Jehovah 'the god of the old testament'. i believe that Jesus was the God of the old testament come to earth in the flesh. so i am stumped. maybe God calls some to thunder condemnation and others to show love. at this point what seemed so clear is now not so.
i guess what i am saying is that i am beginning to question all that has been happening within me over the question of abortion for at least the last 15 years. i wonder what would happen if there was absolutely no resistance to abortion whether by action or word but just a quiet avoidance of it and a helpful hand offered to those who have suffered as a result of it.
of Jesus it is said, 'seeing the people , He felt compassion for them because they were distressed and dispirited like sheep without a shepherd'. maybe the old testament simply bears witness to the magnitude of God's wrath against sin and is not for us to imitate. quite frankly i don't know. all i know is that, as passionate as my 'holy wrath' against abortion, etc., etc. has been, can be and probably will be in the future, i have not had and cannot seem to have a final peace about 'warring' against it. maybe all this inner dissonance was brought to a head by the recent challenge i had from one before whom i was raving - 'then, go do what you feel called to do stop waiting for others to join you. i don't know...all i know is that i am tired of it all. i don't seem to have an inner peace about it. maybe this is part of the formation of an answer to prayer, both mine and the prayers of others who i have told my struggle too.
one part of me is ready to simply walk away from all that has consumed me with a special intensity over the past 6 months or so. i continue to covet and appreciate the prayers. i am so tired. i long to, no matter how stressful and difficult the calling might be, be doing something with the concord of my whole being rather than having this deep internal double-mindedness.
hope you have a good week. love, dad
my life, on the other hand, consists of saying incendiary things, of being what maybe my better self would metacognitively view as mean and nasty. more and more time i spend sitting in front of a computer typing all this stuff. i spend much time getting, investigating and responding to email from pro-life concerns. i send many belligerent and rude messages to those evil people in our government who are doing evil things whether concerning social justice, moral/ethical concerns or economic action all the while finding that the welter of wickedness around and within is never-ending. i carry a sign with the picture of a murdered baby on it and, again, an incendiary message on the other side. certainly all this magnetizes to one part of who i am and so, in a real way, comes naturally...the question is is this the part of me that is like Jesus or another.
another verse i came across lately was in acts 10:38, 'Jesus of nazareth..anointed with the Holy Spirit and with power..went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with Him'. after His resurrection He said to His followers, 'go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you' . His last words to them before He ascended to heaven were, 'you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you and you shall be My witnesses both in jerusalem and in all judea and samaria and even to the remotest part of the earth'. no mention of social justice whether broadly or narrowly defined.
all this has been flowing into my inner person lately in place of isaiah 1:17, the old testament verse that keeps 'calling' me to oppose abortion. Jesus' mission on earth was not of a bellicose nature and yet God thundered the condemnation of the law from mt. sinai and the old testament prophets uniformly spoke in thundering condemnation of sin. many say that Jesus 'the god of the new testament' is different from Jehovah 'the god of the old testament'. i believe that Jesus was the God of the old testament come to earth in the flesh. so i am stumped. maybe God calls some to thunder condemnation and others to show love. at this point what seemed so clear is now not so.
i guess what i am saying is that i am beginning to question all that has been happening within me over the question of abortion for at least the last 15 years. i wonder what would happen if there was absolutely no resistance to abortion whether by action or word but just a quiet avoidance of it and a helpful hand offered to those who have suffered as a result of it.
of Jesus it is said, 'seeing the people , He felt compassion for them because they were distressed and dispirited like sheep without a shepherd'. maybe the old testament simply bears witness to the magnitude of God's wrath against sin and is not for us to imitate. quite frankly i don't know. all i know is that, as passionate as my 'holy wrath' against abortion, etc., etc. has been, can be and probably will be in the future, i have not had and cannot seem to have a final peace about 'warring' against it. maybe all this inner dissonance was brought to a head by the recent challenge i had from one before whom i was raving - 'then, go do what you feel called to do stop waiting for others to join you. i don't know...all i know is that i am tired of it all. i don't seem to have an inner peace about it. maybe this is part of the formation of an answer to prayer, both mine and the prayers of others who i have told my struggle too.
one part of me is ready to simply walk away from all that has consumed me with a special intensity over the past 6 months or so. i continue to covet and appreciate the prayers. i am so tired. i long to, no matter how stressful and difficult the calling might be, be doing something with the concord of my whole being rather than having this deep internal double-mindedness.
hope you have a good week. love, dad
Saturday, March 7, 2009
3.7.09 CASEY VOTES FOR ECONOMIC STIMULUS
dear senator casey,
i was dismayed to receive the news the other day that you went ahead and voted for the american economic recovery and reinvestment act which has put us nearly $800 billion in debt.I had asked that you not vote $1.00 for economic stimulus.
i was further dismayed to receive word from you today telling us pennsylvanians what we will get out of this:
1. $400 (i am an individual) i was keeping the 2008 stimulus check of $600 and now might as well wait for the next check so i can burn the $1000 at one time.
2. $2500 tax credit for college tuition i don't need this.
3.275 million for unemployment benefits i don't need this.
4.$8000 tax credit for first time home buyers.
i don't need this.yet i and my descendants will have to pay this and all the interest owing on it. i don't appreciate you taking my money without my permission. that is stealing which the God of the Bible forbids you do.
the other reasons why i asked you not to vote $1.00 for this are as follows:
1. The Bible says to owe no man anything. by voting for this you have gone against what God says. I believe that the God of the Bible, our creator, knows how we best function.
2. My understanding of the financial crisis is that it was brought on by character defects one of which was greed, the desire for more. God tells us to be content with food and covering (clothing and shelter). we are in this mess because of our disobedience to His command. Everything we do contrary to His command has a consequent correction, sometimes immediate and sometimes distant. One of God's correctives for disobedience is suffering. Corrective suffering serves the purpose of bringing us back to a place of obedience. God, though an avenger of our evil in disobeying Him yet is very merciful to us when we deserve His judgment. If He directs that mercy come by human agency it is to come at the hands of other individuals only. His word makes no provision for mercy to come at the hands of government
3. It is my understanding that the government encouraged the effort to provide housing for people who, considering the normal principles that guide those who loan money, did not qualify as being able to pay back the loan.In so doing the government acted contrary to Scripture by becoming surety - becoming a prommisory for the payment, in this case, of loans that there was very good reason to believe could or would not be paid. The Bible says, 'A man lacking sense shakes hands and becomes guarantor in the presence of his neighbor'. (Proverbs 17:18)
4. It is reported that much of the money is for 'pork". You state that this will save and create jobs. jobs are created and remain viable as long as they fulfill felt needs. the things you mention today have nothing to do with jobs. having disobeyed God and reaped His wrath, you now seek to play God, the breaking of another commandment - thou shalt have no other gods before Me.
senator casey unless the Lord build the house, they labor in vain who build it. you have dug a deeper hole for all of us to try and struggle out of. Had you refused to vote for a bill you did not even have enough time to read let alone interact with those who will have to pay for it this would have been principled, responsible, representative action.
by this you have become guilty of taxation without representation and in so doing have violated the constitution and the oath you swore to defend it. unless this can be immediately rescinded and corrected i feel the only honorable thing for you to do is to quit your office along with all others who voted for it and president obama who illegally signed it into law.
i anxiously await your reply. God bless you in everything good you are doing as our representative.
sincerely, stephen paine
i was dismayed to receive the news the other day that you went ahead and voted for the american economic recovery and reinvestment act which has put us nearly $800 billion in debt.I had asked that you not vote $1.00 for economic stimulus.
i was further dismayed to receive word from you today telling us pennsylvanians what we will get out of this:
1. $400 (i am an individual) i was keeping the 2008 stimulus check of $600 and now might as well wait for the next check so i can burn the $1000 at one time.
2. $2500 tax credit for college tuition i don't need this.
3.275 million for unemployment benefits i don't need this.
4.$8000 tax credit for first time home buyers.
i don't need this.yet i and my descendants will have to pay this and all the interest owing on it. i don't appreciate you taking my money without my permission. that is stealing which the God of the Bible forbids you do.
the other reasons why i asked you not to vote $1.00 for this are as follows:
1. The Bible says to owe no man anything. by voting for this you have gone against what God says. I believe that the God of the Bible, our creator, knows how we best function.
2. My understanding of the financial crisis is that it was brought on by character defects one of which was greed, the desire for more. God tells us to be content with food and covering (clothing and shelter). we are in this mess because of our disobedience to His command. Everything we do contrary to His command has a consequent correction, sometimes immediate and sometimes distant. One of God's correctives for disobedience is suffering. Corrective suffering serves the purpose of bringing us back to a place of obedience. God, though an avenger of our evil in disobeying Him yet is very merciful to us when we deserve His judgment. If He directs that mercy come by human agency it is to come at the hands of other individuals only. His word makes no provision for mercy to come at the hands of government
3. It is my understanding that the government encouraged the effort to provide housing for people who, considering the normal principles that guide those who loan money, did not qualify as being able to pay back the loan.In so doing the government acted contrary to Scripture by becoming surety - becoming a prommisory for the payment, in this case, of loans that there was very good reason to believe could or would not be paid. The Bible says, 'A man lacking sense shakes hands and becomes guarantor in the presence of his neighbor'. (Proverbs 17:18)
4. It is reported that much of the money is for 'pork". You state that this will save and create jobs. jobs are created and remain viable as long as they fulfill felt needs. the things you mention today have nothing to do with jobs. having disobeyed God and reaped His wrath, you now seek to play God, the breaking of another commandment - thou shalt have no other gods before Me.
senator casey unless the Lord build the house, they labor in vain who build it. you have dug a deeper hole for all of us to try and struggle out of. Had you refused to vote for a bill you did not even have enough time to read let alone interact with those who will have to pay for it this would have been principled, responsible, representative action.
by this you have become guilty of taxation without representation and in so doing have violated the constitution and the oath you swore to defend it. unless this can be immediately rescinded and corrected i feel the only honorable thing for you to do is to quit your office along with all others who voted for it and president obama who illegally signed it into law.
i anxiously await your reply. God bless you in everything good you are doing as our representative.
sincerely, stephen paine
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
3.4.09 OBAMA SEEKS TO AFFLICT HEALTH WORKERS WHO REFUSE ABORTION
Obama seeks to take away religious rights of doctors and health care providers who refuse to perform abortions Urgent: send your e-mail to the White House today!
According to several news agencies, President Barack Obama will rescind the "conscience rule" that protects health workers who refuse to participate in abortions or other medical procedures that go against their moral and religious beliefs. If the rule is rescinded, doctors, nurses and other health care workers could lose their jobs or be punished professionally for adhering to their sincerely held religious convictions. Obama's proposal would take away their religious freedom.
The current rule empowers federal health officials to cut off federal funding for any state or local government, hospital, clinic, health plan, doctor's office or other entity if it does not accommodate employees who exercise their right of conscience. It applies to more than 584,000 health care facilities.
The Obama administration is doing the bidding of pro-abortion advocacy groups who seek to penalize health care providers who refuse to participate in abortions.
According to The Washington Post, Obama administration officials stressed that the proposal will be subject to 30 days of public comment. That is why it is so very important for you to let the White House hear from you today.
my responding email:
mr. president have we forced you to believe what we believe? if not, please pay us the same courtesy.
mr. president,
it is bad enough that you believe it is permissible to murder human beings. it is worse that you support making murder 'legal' and worse still that you presume to make all others act as if they believe what you do. it is unacceptable that you, who we have elected president, assume the role of a legislator and entirely unacceptable, in fact impeachable, to dictate rather than listen..to coerce us to do evil rather than lead us in doing good. turn back from this your wickedness before the God of the Bible. He may have plans to use you as an instrument to bring His judgment upon us, but be assured mr. president that He will bring judgment then upon you for ignoring His command 'thou shalt not murder'. i pray for you every day that you will hear 'well done good and faithful servant (for His servants we all are whether we realize this or not), enter into the joy of thy Lord' and not 'depart from Me for I never knew you' on the day you stand before Him in judgment. God bless you for everything you do that the God of the Bible wants you to do! sincerely, stephen paine
According to several news agencies, President Barack Obama will rescind the "conscience rule" that protects health workers who refuse to participate in abortions or other medical procedures that go against their moral and religious beliefs. If the rule is rescinded, doctors, nurses and other health care workers could lose their jobs or be punished professionally for adhering to their sincerely held religious convictions. Obama's proposal would take away their religious freedom.
The current rule empowers federal health officials to cut off federal funding for any state or local government, hospital, clinic, health plan, doctor's office or other entity if it does not accommodate employees who exercise their right of conscience. It applies to more than 584,000 health care facilities.
The Obama administration is doing the bidding of pro-abortion advocacy groups who seek to penalize health care providers who refuse to participate in abortions.
According to The Washington Post, Obama administration officials stressed that the proposal will be subject to 30 days of public comment. That is why it is so very important for you to let the White House hear from you today.
my responding email:
mr. president have we forced you to believe what we believe? if not, please pay us the same courtesy.
mr. president,
it is bad enough that you believe it is permissible to murder human beings. it is worse that you support making murder 'legal' and worse still that you presume to make all others act as if they believe what you do. it is unacceptable that you, who we have elected president, assume the role of a legislator and entirely unacceptable, in fact impeachable, to dictate rather than listen..to coerce us to do evil rather than lead us in doing good. turn back from this your wickedness before the God of the Bible. He may have plans to use you as an instrument to bring His judgment upon us, but be assured mr. president that He will bring judgment then upon you for ignoring His command 'thou shalt not murder'. i pray for you every day that you will hear 'well done good and faithful servant (for His servants we all are whether we realize this or not), enter into the joy of thy Lord' and not 'depart from Me for I never knew you' on the day you stand before Him in judgment. God bless you for everything you do that the God of the Bible wants you to do! sincerely, stephen paine
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
3.3.09 RESPONSE TO ABORTION IS MURDER
john, in response to the writer who did not understand how paul could write to subject oneself to governmental authority - the same authority (emporer nero) which eventually massacred him and many other believers - a response could be that those who truly believe in and follow Jesus Christ open themselves to the type of death He died. Never did a man do such amazingly good things, such as raising the dead and healing all who came to Him, and yet get killed with no reason other than the political one used. we can march into the mouth of a roaring lion doing good...if we have already lost all. romans 8 tells us 'for Thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter'. paul refused to resist the evil government but he also refused to follow them in their evil. gandhi's twin components of non-violence: fear not, hate not. it could be added, be ready to give up all, even your life in refusing to cooperate with evil. may God give us grace to be willing to lose all doing good. stephen paine
Monday, March 2, 2009
3.2.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!
last week over 40 hours trying to get a rush job done. today put in another 8+ so my weekly average has skyed to over 9 hr. per week.
it was a rough week spiritually as i battled in the area of my 7 daily duties and ...well, and failed. the failure was spotty but nevertheless failure indeed. when i first read nee saying that it is extremely important to constantly battle in spirit against the enemy i had two reactions. first, i couldn't even relate to the concept of battling in the spirit. second, i really couldn't relate to constant battling. now i battle but it is usually a defensive action in response to spiritual evil and struggles that sometimes creep up on you or blindside you. i am more attuned to spiritual warfare but am starting to see nee's emphasis on offense rather than defense. God, as i shared, has been doing some pretty amazing things in my spirit. satan is not happy when i stop sinning in an area for with the disappearance of sin comes the disappearance of his foothold or 'place to operate'. to make a long story short this week i ceded some operating space to him and therefore am once again on the defensive and struggling to regain what i had in spirit last week. it may all appear a bit funky but it is the new face of my inner world. may God give me grace to fight the good fight of faith so that i may be brought to the place where i am useful to do difficult things for Him at a moment's notice.
had a nudge toward firmness for the truth in reference to opposing abortion when i came upon deuteronomy 21 in my study of the word 'innocent' as i am studying justice in the old testament. the word is naqi in hebrew which means 'clean, free from, exempt. latin is innocentia (in (negative prefix) + noceo, to hurt) and has the idea of 'free from qualities that can injure'. as i dandle silas on the knee i am looking at innocence.
deuteronomy says, 'if one be found slain in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee to possess it, lying in the field, and it be not known who hath slain him; then they elders and thy judges shall come forth, and they shall measure unto the cities which are round about him that is slain. and it shall be, that the city which is next (nearest) unto the slain man, even the elders of that city shall take an heifer, which hath not been wroght with and which hath not drawn in the yoke, and the elders of that city shall bring down the heifer unto a rough valley which is neither eared nor sown and shall strike off the heifer's neck there in the valley. and the priests the sons of levi shall come near; for them the Lord thy God hath chosen to minister unto him, and to bless in the name of the Lord; and by their word shall every controversy and every stroke be tried. and all the elders of that city, that are next unto the slain man, shall wash their hands over the heifer that is beheaded in the valley. and they shall answer and say, 'our hands have not shed this blood, neither have our eyes seen it. be merciful, o Lord, unto Thy people israel, who Thou hast redeemed and LAY NOT INNOCENT BLOOD UNTO THY PEOPLE israel's charge'. and the blood shall be forgiven them. so shalt thou put away the guilt of innocent blood from among you, when thou shalt do that which is right in the sight of the Lord'
i saw in this passage a good bit of care and effort and expense being made in behalf of ONE PERSON. it seems that every life in israel was precious. there was to be the measurement made from that person's body to the nearest village, there was to be brought a heifer, not an old worn out one but one that had a whole life of labor ahead of it, to be killed, ALL the elders of the closest village were to swear before God they had no knowledge of this killing, the levites were to be involved by passing judgment that all had been done according to the law of God...and the result was that innocent blood was not laid to the nation's charge but rather the blood would be forgiven them. as i thought about this it struck me how vastly different this scenario is from how we in america respond to the shedding of innocent blood. i can't say more now for i often feel numb, more dead than alive...which is the case right now. but as i read and reflected i once again felt the immensity of evil we are all complicit in and how one day we will all stand before God to give an account. i honestly don't know how the mercy of God and the judgment of God will all play out. i often feel like i'm just playing mental games when what i should do is right in front of my eyes...i just don't want to pay the price. as i poured out my vehemence saturday to a friend who i have talked with before about all this he simply said, 'steve, it seems clear what God is calling you to do. you need to do it rather than wait for others to understand, to do the same thing. just do what God is calling you to do'. a word, in my ongoing denial i did not want to hear.
since it is now tuesday evening and i haven't begun to share all...i better end here. hope you have a good week. love, dad
it was a rough week spiritually as i battled in the area of my 7 daily duties and ...well, and failed. the failure was spotty but nevertheless failure indeed. when i first read nee saying that it is extremely important to constantly battle in spirit against the enemy i had two reactions. first, i couldn't even relate to the concept of battling in the spirit. second, i really couldn't relate to constant battling. now i battle but it is usually a defensive action in response to spiritual evil and struggles that sometimes creep up on you or blindside you. i am more attuned to spiritual warfare but am starting to see nee's emphasis on offense rather than defense. God, as i shared, has been doing some pretty amazing things in my spirit. satan is not happy when i stop sinning in an area for with the disappearance of sin comes the disappearance of his foothold or 'place to operate'. to make a long story short this week i ceded some operating space to him and therefore am once again on the defensive and struggling to regain what i had in spirit last week. it may all appear a bit funky but it is the new face of my inner world. may God give me grace to fight the good fight of faith so that i may be brought to the place where i am useful to do difficult things for Him at a moment's notice.
had a nudge toward firmness for the truth in reference to opposing abortion when i came upon deuteronomy 21 in my study of the word 'innocent' as i am studying justice in the old testament. the word is naqi in hebrew which means 'clean, free from, exempt. latin is innocentia (in (negative prefix) + noceo, to hurt) and has the idea of 'free from qualities that can injure'. as i dandle silas on the knee i am looking at innocence.
deuteronomy says, 'if one be found slain in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee to possess it, lying in the field, and it be not known who hath slain him; then they elders and thy judges shall come forth, and they shall measure unto the cities which are round about him that is slain. and it shall be, that the city which is next (nearest) unto the slain man, even the elders of that city shall take an heifer, which hath not been wroght with and which hath not drawn in the yoke, and the elders of that city shall bring down the heifer unto a rough valley which is neither eared nor sown and shall strike off the heifer's neck there in the valley. and the priests the sons of levi shall come near; for them the Lord thy God hath chosen to minister unto him, and to bless in the name of the Lord; and by their word shall every controversy and every stroke be tried. and all the elders of that city, that are next unto the slain man, shall wash their hands over the heifer that is beheaded in the valley. and they shall answer and say, 'our hands have not shed this blood, neither have our eyes seen it. be merciful, o Lord, unto Thy people israel, who Thou hast redeemed and LAY NOT INNOCENT BLOOD UNTO THY PEOPLE israel's charge'. and the blood shall be forgiven them. so shalt thou put away the guilt of innocent blood from among you, when thou shalt do that which is right in the sight of the Lord'
i saw in this passage a good bit of care and effort and expense being made in behalf of ONE PERSON. it seems that every life in israel was precious. there was to be the measurement made from that person's body to the nearest village, there was to be brought a heifer, not an old worn out one but one that had a whole life of labor ahead of it, to be killed, ALL the elders of the closest village were to swear before God they had no knowledge of this killing, the levites were to be involved by passing judgment that all had been done according to the law of God...and the result was that innocent blood was not laid to the nation's charge but rather the blood would be forgiven them. as i thought about this it struck me how vastly different this scenario is from how we in america respond to the shedding of innocent blood. i can't say more now for i often feel numb, more dead than alive...which is the case right now. but as i read and reflected i once again felt the immensity of evil we are all complicit in and how one day we will all stand before God to give an account. i honestly don't know how the mercy of God and the judgment of God will all play out. i often feel like i'm just playing mental games when what i should do is right in front of my eyes...i just don't want to pay the price. as i poured out my vehemence saturday to a friend who i have talked with before about all this he simply said, 'steve, it seems clear what God is calling you to do. you need to do it rather than wait for others to understand, to do the same thing. just do what God is calling you to do'. a word, in my ongoing denial i did not want to hear.
since it is now tuesday evening and i haven't begun to share all...i better end here. hope you have a good week. love, dad
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