last week over 40 hours trying to get a rush job done. today put in another 8+ so my weekly average has skyed to over 9 hr. per week.
it was a rough week spiritually as i battled in the area of my 7 daily duties and ...well, and failed. the failure was spotty but nevertheless failure indeed. when i first read nee saying that it is extremely important to constantly battle in spirit against the enemy i had two reactions. first, i couldn't even relate to the concept of battling in the spirit. second, i really couldn't relate to constant battling. now i battle but it is usually a defensive action in response to spiritual evil and struggles that sometimes creep up on you or blindside you. i am more attuned to spiritual warfare but am starting to see nee's emphasis on offense rather than defense. God, as i shared, has been doing some pretty amazing things in my spirit. satan is not happy when i stop sinning in an area for with the disappearance of sin comes the disappearance of his foothold or 'place to operate'. to make a long story short this week i ceded some operating space to him and therefore am once again on the defensive and struggling to regain what i had in spirit last week. it may all appear a bit funky but it is the new face of my inner world. may God give me grace to fight the good fight of faith so that i may be brought to the place where i am useful to do difficult things for Him at a moment's notice.
had a nudge toward firmness for the truth in reference to opposing abortion when i came upon deuteronomy 21 in my study of the word 'innocent' as i am studying justice in the old testament. the word is naqi in hebrew which means 'clean, free from, exempt. latin is innocentia (in (negative prefix) + noceo, to hurt) and has the idea of 'free from qualities that can injure'. as i dandle silas on the knee i am looking at innocence.
deuteronomy says, 'if one be found slain in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee to possess it, lying in the field, and it be not known who hath slain him; then they elders and thy judges shall come forth, and they shall measure unto the cities which are round about him that is slain. and it shall be, that the city which is next (nearest) unto the slain man, even the elders of that city shall take an heifer, which hath not been wroght with and which hath not drawn in the yoke, and the elders of that city shall bring down the heifer unto a rough valley which is neither eared nor sown and shall strike off the heifer's neck there in the valley. and the priests the sons of levi shall come near; for them the Lord thy God hath chosen to minister unto him, and to bless in the name of the Lord; and by their word shall every controversy and every stroke be tried. and all the elders of that city, that are next unto the slain man, shall wash their hands over the heifer that is beheaded in the valley. and they shall answer and say, 'our hands have not shed this blood, neither have our eyes seen it. be merciful, o Lord, unto Thy people israel, who Thou hast redeemed and LAY NOT INNOCENT BLOOD UNTO THY PEOPLE israel's charge'. and the blood shall be forgiven them. so shalt thou put away the guilt of innocent blood from among you, when thou shalt do that which is right in the sight of the Lord'
i saw in this passage a good bit of care and effort and expense being made in behalf of ONE PERSON. it seems that every life in israel was precious. there was to be the measurement made from that person's body to the nearest village, there was to be brought a heifer, not an old worn out one but one that had a whole life of labor ahead of it, to be killed, ALL the elders of the closest village were to swear before God they had no knowledge of this killing, the levites were to be involved by passing judgment that all had been done according to the law of God...and the result was that innocent blood was not laid to the nation's charge but rather the blood would be forgiven them. as i thought about this it struck me how vastly different this scenario is from how we in america respond to the shedding of innocent blood. i can't say more now for i often feel numb, more dead than alive...which is the case right now. but as i read and reflected i once again felt the immensity of evil we are all complicit in and how one day we will all stand before God to give an account. i honestly don't know how the mercy of God and the judgment of God will all play out. i often feel like i'm just playing mental games when what i should do is right in front of my eyes...i just don't want to pay the price. as i poured out my vehemence saturday to a friend who i have talked with before about all this he simply said, 'steve, it seems clear what God is calling you to do. you need to do it rather than wait for others to understand, to do the same thing. just do what God is calling you to do'. a word, in my ongoing denial i did not want to hear.
since it is now tuesday evening and i haven't begun to share all...i better end here. hope you have a good week. love, dad
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