my life in the spirit has been somewhat akin to a car crazily careening all over the road. the cause of this in large part, it seems, is because everything (or more realistically, many things) seems to attract me. it drives me crazy and makes life very difficult to manage. i have very little peace lately, especially since late summer last year when i started feeling i need to respond, in writing, to everything that comes along. i have had a lot of strange things happen in the area of writing and in other areas that have caused me to wonder if some or all of these things are akin to the angel of the Lord forbidding balaam's donkey to proceed with the result that he did some strange and irritating things to balaam.
during the winter in organizing the file system i came across a paper on the use of the lot by uncle hugh (H) written in 1966. at the time of organizing there was a strong impression to reread it but at that point i had been rereading so much that the impulse was refused. since that time, though, the same impression has come back a number of times. the idea slowly formed that maybe this was part (?) of the Lord's answer to my continual overload dilemma. today, desperate and bone-weary in spirit i read the paper. H explains a childhood experience where his father, in response to some mischief which had no child confessing, decided to ferret out the culprit by use of the lot. he put everyone's name on slips of paper, put an x on a slip and put a blank slip in a basket. then he had everyone pick a piece out. H thought that this was not good for he felt pretty sure that no one in the family had knowledge of the crime. when the basket had been passed around, the blank piece remained in the basket. H reports that the random probability of this happening is once in 3.6 million attempts.
despite this experience H reported that most people in the church at that time did not believe that the lot was for the church age even though its use is reported a number of times in the old testament. after marriage and as the worst of the great depression was over H found that as the circumstances of others improved, theirs worsened. during this time he was reminded once again of the lot, made a study of it in the Bible and was led to begin using it for guidance. reading between the lines and from my discussions with H it appears that he used it quite extensively in his life from that time forward.
H related several instances. he had been working as a entry level clerk even though degreed in physics (no jobs available) and had the opportunity to interview for a foreman's position at international harvester. he had no idea of what he was worth so he put several figures on different pieces of paper and a blank one (for the Lord to indicate 'other') into a hat and drew out the blank one. upon checking as to whether to go higher or lower the indication received was to go higher. he did this several times until he finally drew a dollar figure, one astronomically higher than he would have thought to say in the interview. when he interviewed and the man asked what he wanted as salary he told the figure received. the man seemed very pleased to hire him and actually gave a bit more than he asked. a few months later as a result of leading a crew that came up with good answers to problems that had plagued the department for quite a while, he was moved to general foreman over the whole area.
H told one other story of when he went to the aragonne national laboratory to work as a metallurgist. they were being pressed to pass on some metal for use in a test reactor. the lot told him 'no' but he had no reason he could give. nevertheless, despite intense pressure, they did not ship the metal for use. upon further guidance he asked clearance to break the metal rods and in so doing they were proved to be defective.
H then gave some comments on the use of the lot:
1. the lot should be essentially a solemn vow before the Lord. it should not be looked at as magic. i believe he quoted something in proverbs to the effect that the lot is cast into the lap but the disposition of the whole matter is of the Lord.
2. the lot should not be used to check up on God's faithfulness or integrity. i am thinking he meant that when you cast the lot, you should not cast it again to see if the first answer was right. 3. he learned that the lot can reveal a disobedient, presumptive will. i guess he had occasions where he kept casting the lot because he was sure it gave the 'wrong' answer. one time he got the same 'wrong' answer 20 times in a row. (he must have devised coming at the same thing from a number of different angles?)
4. he did not feel it was good to consult the lot again after the action or lack thereof seemed 'failed' in some way unless the coming was motivated by a willingness to receive rebuke or correction from the Lord.
5. the lot truly shows God. He has a right to be arbitrary with directions and we do well to acknowledge that right. it may seem to us that He is telling us to stand on our head-if so, we had better try it and see how it improves our perspective. He is not arbitrary in actuality. we can ask for instruction concerning the why of the guidance. as H was increasingly led to ask, the Bible became increasingly lucid in many areas. H concluded that greater difficulties may come by going God's way (guess he meant with the assistance of the lot) than being self guided. if we can be instructed by our failures, refuse to trust doubtful intuitions and screen the subjective and the subversive from decisions it will be well. H is the only person i ever knew who used the lot besides dad.
well, today (wednesday, march 25th) i began using the lot. typically, right out of the gate i used it a lot.) whereas most might sense an occasional need, i'm using it as a (hopefully) divine buzz saw to clear cut the dense forrest of pressing, irresistible NEEDS i'm currently entangled in and compassed round with! one delight is that it cut tea day out of my life. (picking up the account sunday, march 29th). since wednesday have had to turn away a number of emails requesting to know where the souderton tea day is being held and to e afa requesting that they delete my information from the list of cities involved in the tea day protest.
i have also confirmed that i'm not to go to canada this summer and a myriad of other issues. we'll see how long this lasts, but for now i have a tremendous influx of peace which is nice. so far i have not cheated by refusing to follow the lot and i sense that this can be something that may ber faith-increasing. for instance i cast the lot: 'should i return my scooter to groffdale machine shop( in new holland)?' when it came up 'yes' i took it out. the Lord used it as a witness to alvin groffdale (first alvin - my father's old name before he went to heaven and got a new name which no one knows except Jesus Himself- i've met in a long time) and left it on consignment there. that was a bit hard. but i am sensing grace to just let go of all my own trying to figure things out and my own worries about them and leave them totally in the Lord's hands. i have at times felt the security i have always heard that a child experiences when their parent sets firm boundaries. kind of different and kind of cool. a first.
one lot i cast was 'do you want me to be involved in political activism?' i'm not sure it was correctly phrased or approached in a prayerful manner. the answer was 'no'. i'm not sure about this one. the 'no' may have been 'you did not phrase this correctly, it was too general' or something to that effect. i haven't cast on that exact question again but am in prayer about the whole thing. not that i feel i am consciously resisting the answer. in many ways it would be a tremendous stress-reliever and simplifier and catalyst to bring focus into my life. i have often wondered if the whole chaos of my life this past 7-8 months is 'a lack of peace' from God because He doesn't want me involved in this area. one reason why i am in prayer is that without thinking i cast a somewhat contradictory lot: should i attend the school board meeting tonight? and got a yes answer. another reason is that God has been speaking to me through the Word.
one of my wretchednesses is being so proud and cocky in the flesh and having such an acidy, cutting, sarcastic, generally wicked tongue that i have frequently used instead of the sword of the Spirit...this often has come out in the political realm of things. on the one hand it seems that the Spirit is gently, softly recalling me again and again to the 'fret not' and other powerful instructions that God prescribes for me in psalm 37, contrasted on the other hand with the boiling-sea anger in my spirit when i read/hear about/observe what is being done and spoken in the world. well, as i have been ruminating day after day on various areas of the sermon on the mount, i was attracted once again to the beatitude,' blessed are the GENTLE for they shall inherit the earth.' trench's 'synonyms of the new testament' comments on this word as follows:'praus speaks of the temper of spirit in which we accept His dealings with us as good and therefore without disputing or resisting. closely related to tapanophrosuna (the greek word for humility) because it is only the humble heart which is also meek, which does not fight with God or struggle or contend with Him. first of all before God, then also with men realizing the insults and injuries which they may inflict are permitted and employed by Him for the chastening and purifying of His elect. the meek know themselves as a sinner among sinners. the knowledge of his own sin helps him to meekly endure that of others. it is a grace previous to (the greek word for humility) but is not able long to continue with out. the theological dictionary adds that praus (greek word for gentleness) is used in the LXX for the hebrew word for the poor, humble, afflicted person...the one without rights (oh how many RIGHTS i have especially being so much better than those around!), the oppressed, those who are cheated, exploited and cursed. Yahweh takes the part of such. He hears and comforts those who find no mercy among their fellow men. He will finally reverse all that is not now in their favor. the word hence moves from material poverty and becomes the self-chosen religious title of those who in deep need and difficulty seek help from yahweh alone of have found it there. the old testament quote that uses this word concerning Jesus is found in zechariah 9.9, 'your king is coming to you. He is just and endowed with salvation, HUMBLE and mounted on a donkey'. Jesus says, 'I am GENTLE and humble in heart' (matt. 11.29) . in II tim. 2.25 the Lord's bondservant should 'with GENTLENESS correct those in the opposition. titus 3.2 says we are to 'malign no one, to be uncontentious, GENTLE, showing every consideration for all men. james 3.13 says, 'who among you is wise and understanding? let him show by his good behviour his deeds in GENTLENESS of wisdom'. luther called Jesus the beggar-king. He has no rights. He appeals all to His Father. oh fill me with You, dear Lord Jesus!!
hope you have a good week. love, dad
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