!que dios te bendiga! i greeted a few brothers with this my first official spanish, God bless you!, greeting this am. when the Lord first led me away from leidy church the spanish-speaking church on railroad ave. in town was one of the 'names' that came to me. i have visited a number of churches, mostly very local, and been led to stay home several weeks before being led to cast a lot on whether or not to go to las iglesias mision evangelica early in august. the lot came up 'yes' three weeks in a row and approaching this sunday i sensed that i should cast a lot on whether to attend this church for an indefinite time rather than keep casting lots weekly and the lot confirmed this leading. first two weeks attended the 10 am service which turned out to be 'sunday school' for want of a better term. we start out singing a few songs. when people come they usually kneel, at the place in the pews where they will sit, for a time of prayer. every sunday there are different people who are up front leading in prayer, reading scripture, a portion from the current sunday school curriculum and leading singing. the singing is accompanied by a number of tamborines, clapping, drums, guitar, 'hallelujahs' of all different types of verbal expressions of praise to God. during prayer sometimes the one leading is totally drowned out by the congregation praying or even one person in the congregation who evidently has a spirit of prayer. it always could be described as 'making a joyful noise to the Lord' although this am's leader was both out of tune and off tempo making it difficult at times for the others, including the intruments to follow. but everyone participates joyfully and seem focus, as should be, on the Lord Himself. all those who lead are given public encouragement and thanks for their ministry.
i understand very little spanish as far as comprehension. but having taken the language have been interested to see how i am slowly developing an ear for distinguishing individual words and the ability to start getting word meanings here and there. i enjoy going to the men's sunday school class. ben, the teacher, is excellent and sprinkles in just enough english words for me to get a blessing. it is thoroughly biblical. there is no talking just about things in general but everything seems deeply rooted in scripture. often we are asked to read verses (i get to practice reading). there is a lot of interaction with everyone seeming to feel very at ease to contribute so there is quite a bit of dialogue (my long term impression is that this is a more effective teaching method even though i don't practice it enough because i'm too verbose). all seem on an equal footing just as during the prayer time but ben asks a lot of questions and really good and blessed-to-my-soul teaching seems to be going on if what little i am able to get at this point is any indication.
ben, julio and juan especially have reached out to me. in fact the whole congregation has sends an, if not verbal, none verbal welcome message my way. i immediately felt and in a continually growing way feel much closer to these people, many of whom i cannot talk with, than i believe i have ever felt in a congregational setting. today i was even asked to pray, in english, before sunday school. franky, the son of the pastor, gave a very moving testimony of God's working in his heart (i believe today) during sunday school. just met him but am sensing he may be a friend too. it was interesting how God prepared for today because they wondered if i might be coming on a regular basis to know whether or not to give me a sunday school journal for the coming quarter and i was able to say that God had led me to come on a regular basis at least for the immediate future. i feel and sense God's love thru these brothers and sisters. what started out as extremely threatening and fearful seems to be metamophizing into something possibly beautiful. God knows.
last sunday i went to the evening (6 pm) service. a visiting speaker was there but i look forward to going again to hear and possibly get to know the pastor (he also pastors a congregation in norristown so is not there in the am). both services are two hours long so i am a bit unsure but am currently being drawn, possibly, to both. at this point, if i had a choice, i would choose the am because of the sense that closer fellowship is to be at that service.
out-of-the-blue ed called and it looks like he will be renting the other second floor bedroom starting tomorrow. we shall see.
learned recently that whole foods, the only non-farm place i do food shopping supports planned parenthood. i asked friday and the people at the counter could not confirm that so i hope to call the store manager this week to see if this is true. if so it will be a real bummer and really krimp my life style in this area but on friday i was planning to buy a few items there for a birthday party and found my conscience would not let me do it. help me Lord not to violate my conscience just for things i want.
for a long time i have deeply sensed the pathological nature of news reporting in the united states but after listening to a song called '6 o'clock news' written by larry norman this thot process has developed further. one of the repeated (over and over and over again) lyrics coming out of the mouth of a reporter, on location in vietnam during the vietnam war, is ' i'm just the 6 o'clock news, what can i do , all those kids without shoes, what can i do, napalm tatoos, what can i do. WHAT CAN I DO was one of the primary consideration for my leaving both the verbal and visual news behind years ago and norman is the only other one who seems to have sensed, been frustrated by and finally hated what i now see as not merely a pathological but also a deeply satanic methodology. . that is to flood a moral conscience with wickedness in a form where nothing can be done about it, to a degree where the conscience at first fights, then falters, fails and finally gives up completely in its response to WHAT CAN I DO. once this beachhead is established in one area then it becomes easier to generalize it out to other areas of conscience. we, as a result, are now much more passive/inactive/spectator type beings. we may think, dream, feel possibly..but WE DO NOT DO ANYTHING AGAINST EVIL..not really..
as i was pouring over my spanish new testament/psalms during the evening service last week i came across the words ahora mismo meaning right now and made a note on my poop sheet (the sheet i write anything/everything on that comes to mind as i am in the steam of life) but unfortunately did not note the verse it came in. but i did note beside it 'satan's method'. he does love to get us to do things impetuously before we can a. think about them and b. understand their effects, results etc. this is evident in the strategy now being taken to a new level by government to do everything QUICKLY. God says in proverbs something to the effect that the PLANS of the diligent cause him to prosper but everyone who is hasty comes surely to ruin.
the picture of our sin came vividly as i considered again the beheading of john the baptist. imagine the beauty and sensuality of a young woman dancing seductively. great if it happens in the bedroom between solomon and his wife (if she were one of one not one of one thousand wives) but an evil, stupifying haze in any other scenario. the druglike effect on herod was that he was trapped in an ill-advised statement most likely caused by pride and lust.. and it led to a bloody head being brought into the public banquet hall. the question comes DID ALL THAT MESMERIZING BEAUTY CAUSE ALL THIS BLOODY GORE? so with us. we all are so good at rationalizing the nature and effects of our sin away but WE ALL, apart from the covering righteousness of Jesus Christ, ARE FREAKIN' BLOODY UGLY WRETCHED MESSES. may God help us see ourselves with spiritual bifocals as, at the same time, the above AND PURE, HOLY, RIGHTEOUS in God's sight...only because of Jesus.
this week (by the way in spite of not making one 40 hr week in august God now has me up to an 18.3 hr weekly average. thank You Lord.) while working on a picket fence in franconia i had an extremely hard time painting the first section. everything seemed to happen against me and it took so loooong to do it. i was racing against time to paint the entire final coat on the fence that day so as to keep the job price under a certain level. i was nearly beside myself with angst. the whole time i was praying against satan and was fighting the spiritual battle but my spirit seemed flat. i remembered nee saying to always keep the spirit calm, not too excited and not to pressed down, so i calmed down and decided to start a different strategy on the next section. as time passed it became increasingly apparent that God, not satan, was fighting me. why? i saw that i was in willful assertion rather than humble dependence mode. i repented further and started painting in a deliberate way and much less frenetic than at the start. i totally gave up my insistence that i be done by a certain time and just left the whole thing with God...i'm not sure how He did it but amazingly, somehow, all the lost time was made up and i was able to finish right on the money. praise His wonderful Name.
in the face of tremendous need i tend to come to Jesus in my heart and say, in effect, 'YOU give them something to eat', but in the Bible, in the face of tremendous need, Jesus said to his followers, you give them something to eat'! hope you have a good week. love, dad
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
8.23.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!
a multitude of Bible translations may have the design to get more people reading but there are disadvantages. i remember being in groups of totally disparate people and all saying psalm 23 together as well as saying many psalms with the family, nuclear and extended (as it was custom in my father's family), after evening meal together. my own path has been around two translations, the king james version (1611) and the new american standard version (probably sometime in the 1960s). the first i used until seminary at which time i switched to the second. as far as memorization as i child many psalms and individual verses were memorized as a result of 'just being there' as a psalms were repeated and Bible teaching based around many key verses in the Bible. as a young adult i began to seek to have an ongoing practice of every day Bible memorization and review. the practice has been staccato, more off than on but for the past few years has been resuscitated. it is a constant battle. i keep being led to get more intentional about it, even bulldog like in tenacity to make sure that this happens every day and that the 100 verse a day cycle of review happens. since dearborn, through which i fought extremely hard to keep the review cycle going every day, i have fallen apart. the cycle is now about 11 days long and i finally completed the first cycle since dearborn...43 days. God seems to press me not to 'run through' my daily allotment but to slowly let it run through me. have a lot of static from the evil spirit. its amazing all the methods by which he seeks to unsettle, disturb and finally dislodge me from the daily commitment. as far as new memorization it stalled about 6 months ago at about verse 21 of ephesians 1. may God enable me to refuse to allow the evil spirit to continue this blank space that the Spirit presses upon me as so crucial every day on to the end of my alloted 70 years here...i started talking about translations. God has brought bill to 54 as a roomer. since thursday night he has occupied the back 2nd floor bedroom. we got to talking about translation and said he would give me a couple of new ones he uses. this am looked at the new living translation of john 3.16 to see what they do with it. two difficulties, as opposed to say the kjv, are 1. kjv - for God SO LOVED the world...that whosoever BELIEVETH in Him should not perish.. 2. nlt - for God LOVES the world SO MUCH...that whoever BELIEVES in Him should not... some thots..God's love was expressed in a past historical action wherein He took on human flesh and allowed sinful men to put him to death on a cross so He could pay the penalty for man's sin. the actual idea of the greek is that God IN THIS WAY LOVED. loving so much can, depending on how the reader is filtering it can give a very deficient idea of God's love. any person familiar with the kjv may realize that all the words that end with eth, such as BELEIVETH, express present tense verbs..those with action that is continuous or repeated. only the one who continuously, repeatedly believes God will not perish. on the other hand one who believes today in the sunshine may stop when the storms come.
my back problems that started directly after resisting the police (it was my heart attitude not what i actually did that God seems to be focusing on...i could have done exactly the same thing but with a heart totally submissive to God's authority as embodied by the human authority in front of me and that would have been, i believe, entirely acceptable) at the baby murdering center in warminster and i am now in the 16th day of continuous pain there. i have been asking the Lord if there is a particular sin that He is trying to put His finger on..yet that does not seem to be it. while recently going thru the words of Jesus in the Gospels i came upon His word to peter in john 21.18, 'verily, verily, I say unto thee, when thou wast young, thou girdedst thyself and walkedst whither thou wouldest but when thou chalt be old, thou shalt stretch forth thy hands and another shall gird thee, and carry thee whither thou wouldest not'. i have been led to begin preparing for the increasing physical, mental, ?, ?, ? debility that descends toward the end of earthly life. i have been concerned about this because i have had, i am thinking upon observation of people, much less than the average share of physical difficulty and pain to this point. God has on numerous times miraculously protected my body from far worse than i have experienced. peter was heading for an upside-down crucifixion but in a more general sense we are all heading for the last great battle..the battle with LESS in every area, the battle with pain and the concomitant magnification of difficulty that comes with increasing debility. my life has gone by very rapidly and at this point i will be gone in a nanosecond for we are all like the grass that flourishes in the morning and in the evening is cut down and the place of it knoweth it no more. ah, the wonderful twin elixers that come..david's desire to show YOUR STRENGTH to those coming behind and paul's LIGHT affliction which is but for a MOMENT which works for us a FAR MORE EXCEEDING AND ETERNAL WEIGHT OF GLORY..what a gain is possible over the wretched trail of pride, rebellion, sin and vanity that have marked my trail to this point. ah Jesus thank You, thank You, thank You for Your bloody, suffering love over me..oh let me somehow disappear completely so You may appear....
my rebel spirit has finally surfaced in the use of the lot. for three weeks running i have cast a lot on this ? - Lord do You want me (the third week - MAY I) to take my bike down to the murder place so gerry can fix it up and i can paint for him? friday was going to be my last. (I AM SO SPIRITUAL!!!!) i was modeling it after paul's thrice repeated request that the Lord take away the thorn in his flesh rather than follow the normal pattern of NO MEANS NO. this friday am the lot yielded yes! i, with great effort, took all my paint things out of the car again and somehow shoehorned the bike in (over the back seat that still stubbornly stays upright) with joy in my little heart that God would allow me to have what i want..went down and........(gerry is ALWAYS THERE, he has never missed a day even in the bitterest cold or when the murders are not being committed that day) NO GERRY. as i am increasingly experiencing i was tracking responses on two levels. the spirit was gently bemused with God's sense of humour, while my flesh continues to roar defiance and shake its little fist.
this week finished, completely, the final book of the lord of the rings. merry, pippen, frodo and sam come back home to the shire after the great battle against the evil one has been won. the writing...oh, the only way i can describe it is DELICIOUS and savory. i enjoyed every word. the three great joys were: 1. tolkien's wise and wimsical chronology of how a free people put away tyranny (especially delightful as we are slipping into tyranny and social/political slavery right now because we are incapable of doing as a society (and it must be done AS A SOCIETY) what these four did to those whom tolkien delightfully calls 'the ruffians". 2. sam's effective efforts in leading the cleansing of all that the ruffians had besmeared the shire with and he and rosey cotten's love..and all the fruitful product of that into the future. 3. frodo's transformation in the area of becoming like Christ and his departure with bilbo across the sea (out of this life). many times in these last 50 pages i wept with JOY as tolkien delicately portrayed with beautiful, apt words the recovered societ and this (frodo's) most beautiful of 'human' metamorphoses. i bless Your Name, i bless Your Name, i give You honor, give You praise YOU ARE THE LIFE, THE TRUTH, THE WAY, i bless Your Name, i bless Your Name.....
am afraid to cast a lot but was so powerfully spoken to by Jesus as i read His recorded words again (this time, off-the-charts more vividly real than ever before...You stepped right off of the page!) especially His most oft repeated two words..FOLLOW ME. i know we as Your professed followers have allowed ourselves the liberty of spiritualizing those words into some hazy, ill-defined concoction of spirituality but this time You wouldn't let me do that. every time it seemed that You were saying TO ME...FOLLOW ME...oh..i am scared because every one You said that to left everything...i don't wnt to..helpme..help me step off the edge and
my back problems that started directly after resisting the police (it was my heart attitude not what i actually did that God seems to be focusing on...i could have done exactly the same thing but with a heart totally submissive to God's authority as embodied by the human authority in front of me and that would have been, i believe, entirely acceptable) at the baby murdering center in warminster and i am now in the 16th day of continuous pain there. i have been asking the Lord if there is a particular sin that He is trying to put His finger on..yet that does not seem to be it. while recently going thru the words of Jesus in the Gospels i came upon His word to peter in john 21.18, 'verily, verily, I say unto thee, when thou wast young, thou girdedst thyself and walkedst whither thou wouldest but when thou chalt be old, thou shalt stretch forth thy hands and another shall gird thee, and carry thee whither thou wouldest not'. i have been led to begin preparing for the increasing physical, mental, ?, ?, ? debility that descends toward the end of earthly life. i have been concerned about this because i have had, i am thinking upon observation of people, much less than the average share of physical difficulty and pain to this point. God has on numerous times miraculously protected my body from far worse than i have experienced. peter was heading for an upside-down crucifixion but in a more general sense we are all heading for the last great battle..the battle with LESS in every area, the battle with pain and the concomitant magnification of difficulty that comes with increasing debility. my life has gone by very rapidly and at this point i will be gone in a nanosecond for we are all like the grass that flourishes in the morning and in the evening is cut down and the place of it knoweth it no more. ah, the wonderful twin elixers that come..david's desire to show YOUR STRENGTH to those coming behind and paul's LIGHT affliction which is but for a MOMENT which works for us a FAR MORE EXCEEDING AND ETERNAL WEIGHT OF GLORY..what a gain is possible over the wretched trail of pride, rebellion, sin and vanity that have marked my trail to this point. ah Jesus thank You, thank You, thank You for Your bloody, suffering love over me..oh let me somehow disappear completely so You may appear....
my rebel spirit has finally surfaced in the use of the lot. for three weeks running i have cast a lot on this ? - Lord do You want me (the third week - MAY I) to take my bike down to the murder place so gerry can fix it up and i can paint for him? friday was going to be my last. (I AM SO SPIRITUAL!!!!) i was modeling it after paul's thrice repeated request that the Lord take away the thorn in his flesh rather than follow the normal pattern of NO MEANS NO. this friday am the lot yielded yes! i, with great effort, took all my paint things out of the car again and somehow shoehorned the bike in (over the back seat that still stubbornly stays upright) with joy in my little heart that God would allow me to have what i want..went down and........(gerry is ALWAYS THERE, he has never missed a day even in the bitterest cold or when the murders are not being committed that day) NO GERRY. as i am increasingly experiencing i was tracking responses on two levels. the spirit was gently bemused with God's sense of humour, while my flesh continues to roar defiance and shake its little fist.
this week finished, completely, the final book of the lord of the rings. merry, pippen, frodo and sam come back home to the shire after the great battle against the evil one has been won. the writing...oh, the only way i can describe it is DELICIOUS and savory. i enjoyed every word. the three great joys were: 1. tolkien's wise and wimsical chronology of how a free people put away tyranny (especially delightful as we are slipping into tyranny and social/political slavery right now because we are incapable of doing as a society (and it must be done AS A SOCIETY) what these four did to those whom tolkien delightfully calls 'the ruffians". 2. sam's effective efforts in leading the cleansing of all that the ruffians had besmeared the shire with and he and rosey cotten's love..and all the fruitful product of that into the future. 3. frodo's transformation in the area of becoming like Christ and his departure with bilbo across the sea (out of this life). many times in these last 50 pages i wept with JOY as tolkien delicately portrayed with beautiful, apt words the recovered societ and this (frodo's) most beautiful of 'human' metamorphoses. i bless Your Name, i bless Your Name, i give You honor, give You praise YOU ARE THE LIFE, THE TRUTH, THE WAY, i bless Your Name, i bless Your Name.....
am afraid to cast a lot but was so powerfully spoken to by Jesus as i read His recorded words again (this time, off-the-charts more vividly real than ever before...You stepped right off of the page!) especially His most oft repeated two words..FOLLOW ME. i know we as Your professed followers have allowed ourselves the liberty of spiritualizing those words into some hazy, ill-defined concoction of spirituality but this time You wouldn't let me do that. every time it seemed that You were saying TO ME...FOLLOW ME...oh..i am scared because every one You said that to left everything...i don't wnt to..helpme..help me step off the edge and
Sunday, August 16, 2009
8.16.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!
computers are sluggish today so have gone thru 20 minutes to get to this point. this week has been the usual, of late, desert. nee says that modern christians view spirituality as either having profound knowledge, i'm assuming he meant biblical, and/or passionate 'spiritual' feeling rather than obedience to God's will. period. for several years now the feelings part (the knowledge part dropped away a number of years ago) has progressively disappeared from my life, somewhat contemporaneous with the reading/meditating of nee's spiritual man. i can say in all seriousness that during the early years of my time at leidy church i was a bonifide 'spiritual feelings junkie'. i am becoming convinced that God wants me to utterly die not only to living by 'spiritual feeling' but to everything i want so that i am able, having jettisoned all else, to be better able to focus on and to do whatever He wants, feelings and all else to the side. i seem to be inching along this kind of continuum of sorts and so my average day looks like utter failure, feedback, staccato, walking thru a minefield, exhaustion etc. keep fighting to pray, to do the seven daily duties, to take every thot captive to obey Christ but feel like i'm neck deep in mud. the one thing that is a haven right now is the Word. Jesus is leaping off the pages in a way never experienced before. He used to be an insipidly sweet nice guy. now i have trouble seeing how He stayed alive as long as He did. (am having trouble at this point with letters i type coming up on the screen and a big red band entitled ERROR just came up on the top of the screen so this may somehow blow up and never see the light of day) LORD help. anyway, i have never heard a person talk to others and with others like He did. what an exquisite mix of lion and lamb. right now i am focusing on His words in my red letter edition and He is shocking me, feeding me, showing me how to be like Him, if i dare, and touching my heart with His AUTHORITY. wow.
last week's confrontation and then 'losing' my back was followed up by God speaking very clearly to me (lot) that i should do whatever told this past friday. when at WAPP i discussed the police confrontation with a number of people. father bill's input was the best. i asked him what he would do if the police arbitrarily told him to take down or move his signs. he said he would. then to come from another angle i asked him, 'would you leave if the police told you to leave'? he said no. would you go to jail? yes. this man is a retired priest in his 80s and a very irenic man. we have had good conversations about faith, salvation and many other things in the past..and...i don't know just hearing his answers just kind of calmed me down. for how long i don't know because i am a roaring volcano beneath the surface. when i am in this destupified state it is an achievement to just stay out of jail every week. on a human level i can justify a myriad of disobediences to the government under the rationale that they are operating on a totally illegal basis. when pulled back to God's point of view i can reluctantly agree mentally that God uses all kinds of totally wicked, illegal things to accomplish His purposes. i feel a head of steam growing to start casting lots every week on whether or not to block the WAPP entrance and the first yes free me to go to prison and never come back so as to in some infintesimal way suffer with the millions who have been ripped apart. help me oh my God...
coming home from WAPP i could feel it coming on and sure enough i took a dive into recreational living defined as eating a gallon of ice cream and reading the final book of the lord of the rings trilogy. this time thru i noticed much more clearly tolkien's use of many words in an older etymological sense, more toward middle english. one word he used again and again was the word 'fell' (for example, they were in a fell mood) to the point i had to consult webster who rendered it along the lines of 'violent'. men truly have a warlike core, a part of God's nature.
one thing though...the rereading of this, highly anticipated, fell far short of expectation. upon reflection, the only consistent revivifing, life-giving word is the Bible. i have been sensing, and resisting a possible impulse to focus solely on the Bible.
today came across 'dissipation' meaning to scatter, disperse, waste, consume, squander in luke 22.34 and among a number of other 'words' this morning i was spoken to. it reads 'and take heed to yourselves, lest at any time your hearts be overcharged with surfeiting (dissipation..i'm in the library using their king james version) and drunkenness and cares of this life and so that day come upon you unawares'. so, in terms of being ready to meet Christ face to face, there are three things i need to do: 1. make every penny, every thot, every word, every action, every moment count instead of dissipating my one chance to do things that will reflect Your glory for all eternity. 2. live on what i absolutely need rather than be a slave to what i want. 3. commit everything to the Lord and receive everything as from Him no matter how horrible it may seem in the here and now.
in john 5.14 Jesus said to the man He healed at the pool of bethesda, 'do not sin anymore'. it just struck me how much this is in agreement with my attitude toward the sins of others and how different it is when it comes to my attitude toward my own sins.
in john 5.41 Jesus said 'I do not receive glory from men'. amazing. much of my trouble comes from seeking the good opinion of men, seeking to be liked by other people. how much faster i would be running the race if i was not encumbered with this heavy load...having only one Person to please and focusing all on Him and His smile alone.
in john 6.16 i came to the account paralleled in mark 6.45 'and straightway He (Jesus) constrained (made) His disciples to get into the ship..and He KNEW they would be encountering a frightful storm! the Lord's prayer says, Lord, 'lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil' (matt. 6.13) and yet matt. 4.1 says 'then Jesus was LED up OF THE HOLY SPIRIT into the wilderness TO BE TEMPTED of the devil'. everything that could be a temptation, and i'm passing through a big ongoing one this week, is given by God as a test to help my faith and obedience to become stronger. He wants me to pass this test, to be approved whereas of course the devil want me to fail, take the bait and sink under his accusation and harassment and bedevilment of various sorts...but we are not ignorant of his methods, praise God. thank You Lord for temptation/tests leading to You and to the power Jesus had after extinguishing the devil in the wilderness with Your Word
finally in john 8.11 the POWER and BEAUTY of Jesus' words to the woman TAKEN IN THE ACT of adultery and made a public spectacle when all the self-righteous sinner-accusers had melted away. NEITHER DO I CONDEMN YOU...FROM NOW ON SIN NO MORE. Oh Lord my God when i in awesome wonder consider You, words utterly fail. thank You for Your holiness that will not excuse my sin and act like 'its ok'. thank You for You love that says to me as i confess, 'i've paid the price, it's ok... hope you have a good week. love, dad
last week's confrontation and then 'losing' my back was followed up by God speaking very clearly to me (lot) that i should do whatever told this past friday. when at WAPP i discussed the police confrontation with a number of people. father bill's input was the best. i asked him what he would do if the police arbitrarily told him to take down or move his signs. he said he would. then to come from another angle i asked him, 'would you leave if the police told you to leave'? he said no. would you go to jail? yes. this man is a retired priest in his 80s and a very irenic man. we have had good conversations about faith, salvation and many other things in the past..and...i don't know just hearing his answers just kind of calmed me down. for how long i don't know because i am a roaring volcano beneath the surface. when i am in this destupified state it is an achievement to just stay out of jail every week. on a human level i can justify a myriad of disobediences to the government under the rationale that they are operating on a totally illegal basis. when pulled back to God's point of view i can reluctantly agree mentally that God uses all kinds of totally wicked, illegal things to accomplish His purposes. i feel a head of steam growing to start casting lots every week on whether or not to block the WAPP entrance and the first yes free me to go to prison and never come back so as to in some infintesimal way suffer with the millions who have been ripped apart. help me oh my God...
coming home from WAPP i could feel it coming on and sure enough i took a dive into recreational living defined as eating a gallon of ice cream and reading the final book of the lord of the rings trilogy. this time thru i noticed much more clearly tolkien's use of many words in an older etymological sense, more toward middle english. one word he used again and again was the word 'fell' (for example, they were in a fell mood) to the point i had to consult webster who rendered it along the lines of 'violent'. men truly have a warlike core, a part of God's nature.
one thing though...the rereading of this, highly anticipated, fell far short of expectation. upon reflection, the only consistent revivifing, life-giving word is the Bible. i have been sensing, and resisting a possible impulse to focus solely on the Bible.
today came across 'dissipation' meaning to scatter, disperse, waste, consume, squander in luke 22.34 and among a number of other 'words' this morning i was spoken to. it reads 'and take heed to yourselves, lest at any time your hearts be overcharged with surfeiting (dissipation..i'm in the library using their king james version) and drunkenness and cares of this life and so that day come upon you unawares'. so, in terms of being ready to meet Christ face to face, there are three things i need to do: 1. make every penny, every thot, every word, every action, every moment count instead of dissipating my one chance to do things that will reflect Your glory for all eternity. 2. live on what i absolutely need rather than be a slave to what i want. 3. commit everything to the Lord and receive everything as from Him no matter how horrible it may seem in the here and now.
in john 5.14 Jesus said to the man He healed at the pool of bethesda, 'do not sin anymore'. it just struck me how much this is in agreement with my attitude toward the sins of others and how different it is when it comes to my attitude toward my own sins.
in john 5.41 Jesus said 'I do not receive glory from men'. amazing. much of my trouble comes from seeking the good opinion of men, seeking to be liked by other people. how much faster i would be running the race if i was not encumbered with this heavy load...having only one Person to please and focusing all on Him and His smile alone.
in john 6.16 i came to the account paralleled in mark 6.45 'and straightway He (Jesus) constrained (made) His disciples to get into the ship..and He KNEW they would be encountering a frightful storm! the Lord's prayer says, Lord, 'lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil' (matt. 6.13) and yet matt. 4.1 says 'then Jesus was LED up OF THE HOLY SPIRIT into the wilderness TO BE TEMPTED of the devil'. everything that could be a temptation, and i'm passing through a big ongoing one this week, is given by God as a test to help my faith and obedience to become stronger. He wants me to pass this test, to be approved whereas of course the devil want me to fail, take the bait and sink under his accusation and harassment and bedevilment of various sorts...but we are not ignorant of his methods, praise God. thank You Lord for temptation/tests leading to You and to the power Jesus had after extinguishing the devil in the wilderness with Your Word
finally in john 8.11 the POWER and BEAUTY of Jesus' words to the woman TAKEN IN THE ACT of adultery and made a public spectacle when all the self-righteous sinner-accusers had melted away. NEITHER DO I CONDEMN YOU...FROM NOW ON SIN NO MORE. Oh Lord my God when i in awesome wonder consider You, words utterly fail. thank You for Your holiness that will not excuse my sin and act like 'its ok'. thank You for You love that says to me as i confess, 'i've paid the price, it's ok... hope you have a good week. love, dad
Sunday, August 9, 2009
8.9.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!
on friday at WAPP as i was about to leave someone complained that my signs were obstructing their vision to see if cars were coming along the road and the policeman on duty asked that they be moved. i went up to his car, which happened to be at the same place as the person who had complained, got down to where my head was the same height as his head, turned and looked over the top of the line of signs and could clearly see the traffic coming down the road toward us. he had asked that we move the signs and at that point i said that i could see clearly and asked if he could see clearly. he would not give a direct answer but asked again that we move the signs. at that point another of the prolife people came over and entered the conversation and said we should move the signs. my question was, WHY? i said to the policeman that there should be cause and said that if vision was indeed obstructed i would be the first to move the signs. i asked where the police station was and at that point he offered to call the sargent, which he did. the sargent upon arriving and refusing to shake hands with me as we met, assessed the situation and agreed that vision was not obstructed but asked that the signs be repositioned stating that if there was an accident because of the signs the motorist could sue me. i said that this was a violation of free speech rights. he said he was concerned for public safety..the same argument used to deny free speech rights in dearborn, michigan. as we were talking a number of other prolife people arrived and i could see that no one could see any traffic now..and thot..that will be the next complaint and any one there will have to line up against the hedge and not be able to move from that spot. we are currently restricted to an 8' swath of lawn that runs along the front of planned parenthood. all i could think was that it would only take one complaint in this area to restrict us all to a 2' swath AND I SAW RED. as in my vision several years ago of people who butchered people in my neighborhood during the night standing on their blood-soaked porch in the morning having coffee and donuts with the local police officers, so it is becoming at WAPP. the police park near to and regularly talk and joke with the people who escort the women into the abortuary. looking at the whole situation a common sense solution to the whole would be to tell the complaintant to do what they do in any other situation in which their vision is not clear: 1) come to a stop at the painted line, 2)it they cannot see clearly from that point slowly move up. still short of being out onto the road until they can see clearly and 3) proceed when the way is clear.
i am like a tinder-box on the issue of abortion. it doesn't take much to bring to the surface great, unfathomable wrath. here are people we pay to be our servants in the area of making sure that what is right is done and that what is wrong is corrected who are acting more and more like petty tyrants and oppressors..who talk about protecting the safety of people who have been judged competent enough to make commonsense decisions while driving so as to stay safe and keep others safe as well while 'protecting' people to, in broad daylight, rip apart the bodies of human beings by the millions.
at times like these i quickly spiral either down into deep depression or up into a towering rage shown in part in my next journal entry: 'the whole insanity of what we are doing..the fountain is once again tapped and spews forth. how can i continue to be complicit in this evil i should not be at all at the level of disputing about the positions of signs (we are, by degrees, being harassed and restricted to where free speech rights are totally taken away for those who merely protest abortion). i should be a number of notches higher..at the level of keeping people away from where they are murdering defenseless, innocent human beings..that would be the appropriate response..and i shouldn't be doing this in 2009. i should have done it in 1973 or whenever i first heard what was happening. on the moral barometer that feels like the proper response: one sees/hears of something of this horrific nature and MOVES TO STOP IT..TO KEEP IT FROM HAPPENING OR DIE IN THE ATTEMPT. that response feels about right. but depraved man responds only to the level where: 1. she feels personally threatened 2. someone she cares about is threatened (family, friends, people close by being murdered?) or 3. to not respond or APPEAR not to respond would cause others to think badly of her. (jumping on or even just APPEARING to jump on politically correct bandwagons..but this is not on society's or even 'christianity's' evil bandwagon, but it is politically correct to mouth lies about abortion while not dealing with the substantial evil that is being done by it every day) some salve their conscience by asserting that they do not believe in abortion but that is a WOMAN'S choice that no one has the right to deny her..some by saying they're prolife..some by wearing buttons/teeshirts or putting bumper stickers on their car..some by writing letters to the editor..some by working at pregnancy centers..some by praying/counseling/protesting at places where human beings are being massacred. though a few have been redeemed all are suffering from temporal or terminal depravity. when it comes right down to it the bottom line for each of us in every area is IF IT DOESN'T ADVERSELY AFFECT ME THEN IT DOESN'T MATTER.
the true, pure, moral response would seem to be INDIFFERENT (this doesn't affect me at all/i don't even know this person) AND AGGRESSIVE (but i must help them to protect them and stop this from happening to them AND I WILL/I AM going to even if i suffer the loss of my possessions, my freedom and my life). i recall my horrified, I-NEED-TO-STOP-THIS response as a small child viewing my first boobtube murder and my current response to one now. that contrast pictures very clearly to me WHAT SHOULD BE and WHAT IS my response to abortion...and i loathe myself for who i have become. oh the unending misery and pain of being who i am and of living complicit, comfortable and all the rest of the barf that composes 'the good life in this wicked, wicked, wicked world. it is intolerable......or should be..but somehow i can still tolerate living while being dead. this should drive me to INDIFFERENT AGGRESSION but evidently it is worse than intolerable...it is something i can somehow live with. oh what agony, what misery, WHAT SHAAAAAAME at my absolute moral numbness and in action...and living in a world full of others, evidently...., such as i..............................................................................................................(hopefully, somehow this is not true and i am a certifiable nutcase but i keep thinking of the emporer's new clothes and tend to think that whole societies can operate on an insane level..and then, drawing on a piece of thot from Him in ecclessiastes where He says insanity is in their hearts..
NOW.......................................................................................................................................................shake your moral self off and go on 'living'.
this am went to the iglesia on railroad ave. in souderton. i was scared walking into a spanish speaking church, not knowing what kind of experience it would be and what kind of reception i would meet with. church started at 10 am according to the sign out front but when i walked in at 9:58 the whole group was singing with tamborines, drums and guitar. i sat in the back row and a big guy in front turned around and handed me a hymnal..his wife whispered in english 'number 16'. the next i actually understood (at number 120), found and 'sang' in a low voice struggling with some of the pronunciations. singing went on for about half an hour. then all the children left..the few teenagers left..the women gathered and i was ushered into a small room crowded with adult men. what a time a intimate fellowship even in different languages...maybe there is an enclave i may have here where i experience a little bit of heavenly fellowship. we shall see. have a good week. love, dad
i am like a tinder-box on the issue of abortion. it doesn't take much to bring to the surface great, unfathomable wrath. here are people we pay to be our servants in the area of making sure that what is right is done and that what is wrong is corrected who are acting more and more like petty tyrants and oppressors..who talk about protecting the safety of people who have been judged competent enough to make commonsense decisions while driving so as to stay safe and keep others safe as well while 'protecting' people to, in broad daylight, rip apart the bodies of human beings by the millions.
at times like these i quickly spiral either down into deep depression or up into a towering rage shown in part in my next journal entry: 'the whole insanity of what we are doing..the fountain is once again tapped and spews forth. how can i continue to be complicit in this evil i should not be at all at the level of disputing about the positions of signs (we are, by degrees, being harassed and restricted to where free speech rights are totally taken away for those who merely protest abortion). i should be a number of notches higher..at the level of keeping people away from where they are murdering defenseless, innocent human beings..that would be the appropriate response..and i shouldn't be doing this in 2009. i should have done it in 1973 or whenever i first heard what was happening. on the moral barometer that feels like the proper response: one sees/hears of something of this horrific nature and MOVES TO STOP IT..TO KEEP IT FROM HAPPENING OR DIE IN THE ATTEMPT. that response feels about right. but depraved man responds only to the level where: 1. she feels personally threatened 2. someone she cares about is threatened (family, friends, people close by being murdered?) or 3. to not respond or APPEAR not to respond would cause others to think badly of her. (jumping on or even just APPEARING to jump on politically correct bandwagons..but this is not on society's or even 'christianity's' evil bandwagon, but it is politically correct to mouth lies about abortion while not dealing with the substantial evil that is being done by it every day) some salve their conscience by asserting that they do not believe in abortion but that is a WOMAN'S choice that no one has the right to deny her..some by saying they're prolife..some by wearing buttons/teeshirts or putting bumper stickers on their car..some by writing letters to the editor..some by working at pregnancy centers..some by praying/counseling/protesting at places where human beings are being massacred. though a few have been redeemed all are suffering from temporal or terminal depravity. when it comes right down to it the bottom line for each of us in every area is IF IT DOESN'T ADVERSELY AFFECT ME THEN IT DOESN'T MATTER.
the true, pure, moral response would seem to be INDIFFERENT (this doesn't affect me at all/i don't even know this person) AND AGGRESSIVE (but i must help them to protect them and stop this from happening to them AND I WILL/I AM going to even if i suffer the loss of my possessions, my freedom and my life). i recall my horrified, I-NEED-TO-STOP-THIS response as a small child viewing my first boobtube murder and my current response to one now. that contrast pictures very clearly to me WHAT SHOULD BE and WHAT IS my response to abortion...and i loathe myself for who i have become. oh the unending misery and pain of being who i am and of living complicit, comfortable and all the rest of the barf that composes 'the good life in this wicked, wicked, wicked world. it is intolerable......or should be..but somehow i can still tolerate living while being dead. this should drive me to INDIFFERENT AGGRESSION but evidently it is worse than intolerable...it is something i can somehow live with. oh what agony, what misery, WHAT SHAAAAAAME at my absolute moral numbness and in action...and living in a world full of others, evidently...., such as i..............................................................................................................(hopefully, somehow this is not true and i am a certifiable nutcase but i keep thinking of the emporer's new clothes and tend to think that whole societies can operate on an insane level..and then, drawing on a piece of thot from Him in ecclessiastes where He says insanity is in their hearts..
NOW.......................................................................................................................................................shake your moral self off and go on 'living'.
this am went to the iglesia on railroad ave. in souderton. i was scared walking into a spanish speaking church, not knowing what kind of experience it would be and what kind of reception i would meet with. church started at 10 am according to the sign out front but when i walked in at 9:58 the whole group was singing with tamborines, drums and guitar. i sat in the back row and a big guy in front turned around and handed me a hymnal..his wife whispered in english 'number 16'. the next i actually understood (at number 120), found and 'sang' in a low voice struggling with some of the pronunciations. singing went on for about half an hour. then all the children left..the few teenagers left..the women gathered and i was ushered into a small room crowded with adult men. what a time a intimate fellowship even in different languages...maybe there is an enclave i may have here where i experience a little bit of heavenly fellowship. we shall see. have a good week. love, dad
Monday, August 3, 2009
8.3.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!
last week was great. one week closer to home! the Lord has brought me up over 17 hr per week for the year. it will be cool to see how He brings it in. don't think there is enough work pending yet to finish out the year but if i work steady 40 hour weeks (which requires steady work) i should finish the work year sometime before the end of october. that would be awesome because there is so much i want to get done on the house. Lord, help me not plan, devise, scheme or assume anything but may i look completely to You, Jehovah Jireh, my provider. oh it will be so wonderful if i can actually let go and fully trust Him rather than myself or any other...
got angry last week at the brother and sister who i helped out for 30 hours the week before. thot, as usual, that it was all of God..that my motivation was to simply serve and give..wasn't even close! i got so angry at them after only a day. i guess i expected them to roll out the red carpet, bow down etc. it was serious and while i was in it sooo justified. then God graciously opened my eyes to myself and how embarrassing and shamefully i appeared before Him ready to ask forgiveness. went back to them the next day and confessed my sin to them. they were gracious, acted surprised and said they appreciated what i did. how ashamed i was but it was so good to confess my sin against them and put the whole ludicrous thing behind me.
later last week this brother and i took measurements and discussed the details of putting railings in. saturday i worked from 5:30 to noon digging two foot deep hole to pour concrete in after we set the railing in place. to make them he took about 1.75" round galvanized pipe and bend it in a U shape in such a way that one length will be a railing next to the first four steps off the porch and the other will do the same for the middle four steps. he capped the ends and i put two coats of benjamin moore black ironclad latex on them. then he took maybe about a 1.5" round steel pipe, capped both ends and welded four very nice looking steel things on. where they hit the wall they are flat and round and these will be bolted into studs going up the stairs from the living room to the second floor. i put two coats of bm black ironclad oil. God You are so kind and good to me. You forgive and You provide things i could never imagined would be so nice and serviceable. thank You for Your goodness to me in so many ways. tonight we pour cement and bolt!!
have disliked the bushes in the yard for a long time. saturday am took out the bushes in front, yews (?) and rhododendron and this am (monday) the hedge between greiser's and 54, the overgrown azalea and huge bush be the back deck. they all left the property today, i believe, courtesy of souderton borough chipper. no more hedge trimming..YEA. dv i hope to swap labor with this brother, painting some more of the house for him really shoring up the rickety, tumble down iron fence to the point where kyle, in stead of bending it further over will hopefully find an iron rock of gibralter in it...that is may hope, prayer and vision. so we'll see. i hope to have that all painted with (commercial time again) bm black ironclad oil before cold weather, get rid of all the bush roots, and tree stump so that dv next spring, or whenever is best, i can plant some fruit trees, berry bushes, etc. i'd like to plant several fruit trees in front of the front porch so when they grow up i can sit out there and not feel like i'm on display. mom always loved to sit out on our big front porch and would luxuriate when the cool evening breezes would kick up on a balmy summer evening saying, 'ah, steve, i love these breezes! they are just like the sea breezes evenings at the shore'. one of the many things i love about my parents..their contentment with simple fare and (mom's) effervescent enjoyment of such. i hope to espatier them (pronounced espEyA) to provide a screen of sorts on front and side and possibly a source of fruit while i read. dv i hope to get into this next spring or so and then begin to think about and research how to have a goat, chickens, etc to provide milk, cheese, butter and eggs. i can dream can't i..
sunday traveled thru an intense rain storm..so intense the roads were flooding over and almost turned back but continued on with an even fiercer determination to get things right even if i got stuck, even if i got sopping wet to do it and thus God enabled me to finally track down a former colleague, after avoiding this for months, and ask him to forgive me for talking against him. he readily forgave me.. a little lighter yet! the Lord recently directed my attention to the section of the sermon on the mount about anger. Jesus here says, 'you have heard that it was said by them of old time, thou shalt not kill and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment. but I say unto to you, that whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment.." anger over something has a God-appointed time limit. ephesians 4.26 says be angry and sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath. anger is to be dealt with the day it occurs. that opens up a host of other ?s and rationalizations that are commonly used for ignoring what God says. but be that as it may, it is interesting how Jesus turns this on its head. one would expect that he would say something like, 'so if you don't want to be judged don't stay angry'. but no, instead He says, 'therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee..leave ther thy gift before the altar and go thy way. first be reconciled (become friends) to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift'. He seems to say, yea, anger is so dangerous that when someone gets angry at you make sure ASAP that you relate to that one in such a way that their anger is resolved. (again a host of ?s and rationalizations appear before the mind's eye) in focusing on Jesus' words lately..what He says..how He says it..the wisdom and AUTHORITY with which He says whatever He says is really making a fundamental change in my perception of Him. i thot i knew Him..wow, how little..and still, how little. He is beautiful/terrible to behold! this time looking carefully at this i came away with these conclusions: a. i need to more thotfully relate to people b. i need to GO TOWARDS the people i am currently avoiding...WHICH, the Lord is horrifically showing me, ARE MANY! c. people who clearly show anger toward me i need to seriously attend to...as if i don't have enough to do already..but the Lord keeps showing me a simple, potentially transformative truth..YOU NEED TO BE DOING WHAT I TELL YOU TO NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. i have all kinds of things i like doing. i have all kinds of plans. i'm getting the idea that much that is uppermost or on the drawing board must be scrapped if i am going to please the One i hope to please the most. Lord, take out my heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh and cause me to walk in Your statutes.
went sunday night to try and watch the gladiator (dvd) on one of the church machines. found they were inaccessable this week while at the same time met a brother who ended up giving me a vcr/dvd machine plus a converter box so i can get tv. though thinking before the Lord to gratefully receive the former, being weak i ended up taking, reluctantly the latter. got it home and, as i thot, was unable to connect the former up so we'll see..i don't think it can be connected to my 13" tv.. please Lord give me the determination not to bring the boob tube back into my house.
in 1804 william carey and his colleagues drafted a 'form of agreement' for the serampore mission. it contains the following statements of purpose:
1.to set an infinite value on men's souls
2.to acquaint ourselves with the snares which hold the minds of the people
3.to abstain from whatever deepens india's prejudice against the gospel
4.to watch for every chance of doing the people good
5.to preach 'Christ crucified' as the grand means of conversion
6.to esteem and treat indians always as our equals
7.to guard and build up the hosts that may be gathered
8.to cultivate their spiritual gifts, ever pressing upon them their missionary obligation, since indians only can win india for Christ
9.to labour unceasingly in biblical translation
10.to be instant in the nurture of personal religion
11.to give ourselves without reserve to the Cause, not counting even the clothes we wear our own
thot this week of the phrase, 'experimental christian'. it is an out-of-date concept. there are numbers who claim to be christians and yet this normally involves jumping through certain approved hoops which, in their..and ofttimes in others'..opinion qualifies them for the club. there appear to be exceedingly few who even approach a serious, ongoing, self-sacrificial attempt to follow Christ literally and keep His words literally. i don't know that i have ever met one, including myself who would qualify. but somehow that little phrase is working in my bones. maybe someday i can earnestly bent every muscle and sinew of the spirit to this end..SECRETLY..so as to experiment with following Jesus' words literally in every regard. if i could even do it constantly, fervently and largely fail in the effort just being given the grace to make this war the one focus of my remaining earthly existence would cause me to die enraptured. Jesus in matthew 25 in the judgment of the sheep and the goats said to both groups TO THE EXTENT you did or did not DO these things, you did or did not do it unto Me. thank You Lord for not being vince lombardi or grading on pass/fail but giving credit according to focus and amount of effort. i bless Your good and holy name.
have a good week. love, dad
got angry last week at the brother and sister who i helped out for 30 hours the week before. thot, as usual, that it was all of God..that my motivation was to simply serve and give..wasn't even close! i got so angry at them after only a day. i guess i expected them to roll out the red carpet, bow down etc. it was serious and while i was in it sooo justified. then God graciously opened my eyes to myself and how embarrassing and shamefully i appeared before Him ready to ask forgiveness. went back to them the next day and confessed my sin to them. they were gracious, acted surprised and said they appreciated what i did. how ashamed i was but it was so good to confess my sin against them and put the whole ludicrous thing behind me.
later last week this brother and i took measurements and discussed the details of putting railings in. saturday i worked from 5:30 to noon digging two foot deep hole to pour concrete in after we set the railing in place. to make them he took about 1.75" round galvanized pipe and bend it in a U shape in such a way that one length will be a railing next to the first four steps off the porch and the other will do the same for the middle four steps. he capped the ends and i put two coats of benjamin moore black ironclad latex on them. then he took maybe about a 1.5" round steel pipe, capped both ends and welded four very nice looking steel things on. where they hit the wall they are flat and round and these will be bolted into studs going up the stairs from the living room to the second floor. i put two coats of bm black ironclad oil. God You are so kind and good to me. You forgive and You provide things i could never imagined would be so nice and serviceable. thank You for Your goodness to me in so many ways. tonight we pour cement and bolt!!
have disliked the bushes in the yard for a long time. saturday am took out the bushes in front, yews (?) and rhododendron and this am (monday) the hedge between greiser's and 54, the overgrown azalea and huge bush be the back deck. they all left the property today, i believe, courtesy of souderton borough chipper. no more hedge trimming..YEA. dv i hope to swap labor with this brother, painting some more of the house for him really shoring up the rickety, tumble down iron fence to the point where kyle, in stead of bending it further over will hopefully find an iron rock of gibralter in it...that is may hope, prayer and vision. so we'll see. i hope to have that all painted with (commercial time again) bm black ironclad oil before cold weather, get rid of all the bush roots, and tree stump so that dv next spring, or whenever is best, i can plant some fruit trees, berry bushes, etc. i'd like to plant several fruit trees in front of the front porch so when they grow up i can sit out there and not feel like i'm on display. mom always loved to sit out on our big front porch and would luxuriate when the cool evening breezes would kick up on a balmy summer evening saying, 'ah, steve, i love these breezes! they are just like the sea breezes evenings at the shore'. one of the many things i love about my parents..their contentment with simple fare and (mom's) effervescent enjoyment of such. i hope to espatier them (pronounced espEyA) to provide a screen of sorts on front and side and possibly a source of fruit while i read. dv i hope to get into this next spring or so and then begin to think about and research how to have a goat, chickens, etc to provide milk, cheese, butter and eggs. i can dream can't i..
sunday traveled thru an intense rain storm..so intense the roads were flooding over and almost turned back but continued on with an even fiercer determination to get things right even if i got stuck, even if i got sopping wet to do it and thus God enabled me to finally track down a former colleague, after avoiding this for months, and ask him to forgive me for talking against him. he readily forgave me.. a little lighter yet! the Lord recently directed my attention to the section of the sermon on the mount about anger. Jesus here says, 'you have heard that it was said by them of old time, thou shalt not kill and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment. but I say unto to you, that whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment.." anger over something has a God-appointed time limit. ephesians 4.26 says be angry and sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath. anger is to be dealt with the day it occurs. that opens up a host of other ?s and rationalizations that are commonly used for ignoring what God says. but be that as it may, it is interesting how Jesus turns this on its head. one would expect that he would say something like, 'so if you don't want to be judged don't stay angry'. but no, instead He says, 'therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee..leave ther thy gift before the altar and go thy way. first be reconciled (become friends) to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift'. He seems to say, yea, anger is so dangerous that when someone gets angry at you make sure ASAP that you relate to that one in such a way that their anger is resolved. (again a host of ?s and rationalizations appear before the mind's eye) in focusing on Jesus' words lately..what He says..how He says it..the wisdom and AUTHORITY with which He says whatever He says is really making a fundamental change in my perception of Him. i thot i knew Him..wow, how little..and still, how little. He is beautiful/terrible to behold! this time looking carefully at this i came away with these conclusions: a. i need to more thotfully relate to people b. i need to GO TOWARDS the people i am currently avoiding...WHICH, the Lord is horrifically showing me, ARE MANY! c. people who clearly show anger toward me i need to seriously attend to...as if i don't have enough to do already..but the Lord keeps showing me a simple, potentially transformative truth..YOU NEED TO BE DOING WHAT I TELL YOU TO NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. i have all kinds of things i like doing. i have all kinds of plans. i'm getting the idea that much that is uppermost or on the drawing board must be scrapped if i am going to please the One i hope to please the most. Lord, take out my heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh and cause me to walk in Your statutes.
went sunday night to try and watch the gladiator (dvd) on one of the church machines. found they were inaccessable this week while at the same time met a brother who ended up giving me a vcr/dvd machine plus a converter box so i can get tv. though thinking before the Lord to gratefully receive the former, being weak i ended up taking, reluctantly the latter. got it home and, as i thot, was unable to connect the former up so we'll see..i don't think it can be connected to my 13" tv.. please Lord give me the determination not to bring the boob tube back into my house.
in 1804 william carey and his colleagues drafted a 'form of agreement' for the serampore mission. it contains the following statements of purpose:
1.to set an infinite value on men's souls
2.to acquaint ourselves with the snares which hold the minds of the people
3.to abstain from whatever deepens india's prejudice against the gospel
4.to watch for every chance of doing the people good
5.to preach 'Christ crucified' as the grand means of conversion
6.to esteem and treat indians always as our equals
7.to guard and build up the hosts that may be gathered
8.to cultivate their spiritual gifts, ever pressing upon them their missionary obligation, since indians only can win india for Christ
9.to labour unceasingly in biblical translation
10.to be instant in the nurture of personal religion
11.to give ourselves without reserve to the Cause, not counting even the clothes we wear our own
thot this week of the phrase, 'experimental christian'. it is an out-of-date concept. there are numbers who claim to be christians and yet this normally involves jumping through certain approved hoops which, in their..and ofttimes in others'..opinion qualifies them for the club. there appear to be exceedingly few who even approach a serious, ongoing, self-sacrificial attempt to follow Christ literally and keep His words literally. i don't know that i have ever met one, including myself who would qualify. but somehow that little phrase is working in my bones. maybe someday i can earnestly bent every muscle and sinew of the spirit to this end..SECRETLY..so as to experiment with following Jesus' words literally in every regard. if i could even do it constantly, fervently and largely fail in the effort just being given the grace to make this war the one focus of my remaining earthly existence would cause me to die enraptured. Jesus in matthew 25 in the judgment of the sheep and the goats said to both groups TO THE EXTENT you did or did not DO these things, you did or did not do it unto Me. thank You Lord for not being vince lombardi or grading on pass/fail but giving credit according to focus and amount of effort. i bless Your good and holy name.
have a good week. love, dad
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