have been thinking of Jesus. there was bad stuff going on all around and yet he didn't get involved to try and prevent it. do i know a better way than He? after His baptism He settled in capernaum in galilee and the first summary statement about what He was doing said, 'Jesus was going throughout all galilee, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every kind of disease and every kind of sickness among the people'. this thought about Jesus has been coming to me - no editorials, no incendiary statements or actions, no condemnation except in rare exceptions to those who were religious do-gooders...
my life, on the other hand, consists of saying incendiary things, of being what maybe my better self would metacognitively view as mean and nasty. more and more time i spend sitting in front of a computer typing all this stuff. i spend much time getting, investigating and responding to email from pro-life concerns. i send many belligerent and rude messages to those evil people in our government who are doing evil things whether concerning social justice, moral/ethical concerns or economic action all the while finding that the welter of wickedness around and within is never-ending. i carry a sign with the picture of a murdered baby on it and, again, an incendiary message on the other side. certainly all this magnetizes to one part of who i am and so, in a real way, comes naturally...the question is is this the part of me that is like Jesus or another.
another verse i came across lately was in acts 10:38, 'Jesus of nazareth..anointed with the Holy Spirit and with power..went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with Him'. after His resurrection He said to His followers, 'go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you' . His last words to them before He ascended to heaven were, 'you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you and you shall be My witnesses both in jerusalem and in all judea and samaria and even to the remotest part of the earth'. no mention of social justice whether broadly or narrowly defined.
all this has been flowing into my inner person lately in place of isaiah 1:17, the old testament verse that keeps 'calling' me to oppose abortion. Jesus' mission on earth was not of a bellicose nature and yet God thundered the condemnation of the law from mt. sinai and the old testament prophets uniformly spoke in thundering condemnation of sin. many say that Jesus 'the god of the new testament' is different from Jehovah 'the god of the old testament'. i believe that Jesus was the God of the old testament come to earth in the flesh. so i am stumped. maybe God calls some to thunder condemnation and others to show love. at this point what seemed so clear is now not so.
i guess what i am saying is that i am beginning to question all that has been happening within me over the question of abortion for at least the last 15 years. i wonder what would happen if there was absolutely no resistance to abortion whether by action or word but just a quiet avoidance of it and a helpful hand offered to those who have suffered as a result of it.
of Jesus it is said, 'seeing the people , He felt compassion for them because they were distressed and dispirited like sheep without a shepherd'. maybe the old testament simply bears witness to the magnitude of God's wrath against sin and is not for us to imitate. quite frankly i don't know. all i know is that, as passionate as my 'holy wrath' against abortion, etc., etc. has been, can be and probably will be in the future, i have not had and cannot seem to have a final peace about 'warring' against it. maybe all this inner dissonance was brought to a head by the recent challenge i had from one before whom i was raving - 'then, go do what you feel called to do stop waiting for others to join you. i don't know...all i know is that i am tired of it all. i don't seem to have an inner peace about it. maybe this is part of the formation of an answer to prayer, both mine and the prayers of others who i have told my struggle too.
one part of me is ready to simply walk away from all that has consumed me with a special intensity over the past 6 months or so. i continue to covet and appreciate the prayers. i am so tired. i long to, no matter how stressful and difficult the calling might be, be doing something with the concord of my whole being rather than having this deep internal double-mindedness.
hope you have a good week. love, dad
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment