just learned that if i don't save a post that i lose it. DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! had come in yesterday to get an early start on the weekly e to you because was expecting company this afternoon. but an angry husband's call, i am supposing.. who had not been previously consulted by his wife as to his availability, cancelled that. so i arrived here ready to build on what was typed yesterday only to find it went to computer heaven...or depending on your view will be reincarnated as a grimy grocery list that is being run over by feet and shopping carts or the pith of some kind of world-changing declaration of independence..private or public i don't have a clue...but i'm bummed and of such a poor memory that i don't have much of a clue what was written. just as well. IN THE SOVEREIGNTY OF MY GOD IT WAS NEVER INTENDED TO BE READ.
so we blithely go on. this week got a marriage offer from a woman in phoenix via a missionary friend (?) in india. pass. just got an invitation to indian valley mennonite from christine via blog comment. pass. little does anyone know how deeply i am committed to mision evangelica...
work this week was 6.5 hours so i think last week's 18.6 hr weekly avg. ytd will be a high water mark...who knows, possibly for the year. i am very interested to see how close God comes to providing 20 hr a week for the year. (i'm believing He will be right on the mark!) Lord, You have rightly rebuked me for my presumption. all work i thot i had has vanished and here i thot i would blast thru it all and be done in early november for the year. You say, steve, you know I have been schooling you to GO STEP BY STEP DEPENDING ON ME FOR EVERYTHING and presuming nothing. remember, apart from Me you can do nothing...so my precious Lord keeps disciplining me. I FEEL SO SECURE IN YOUR DISCIPLINE and management of my life. i am excited to once again DEPEND on You and not myself, Lord. what a poor substitute self or any other self or thing is for You! all else fails 100% of the time and the only reason i don't think so is because i'm blind. oh Lord open Thou my eyes to see You and Your truth...i was a wandering sheep. keep me from going back.
my lifelong fight against working on my house (or doing anything that i don't want to do) may be in the process of being shattered by the Lord. He has raised up scott to fix the front porch, put the gutters back on the house and install new spouting, ben to assist me in resetting the iron fence..and because of this and shirley, nex door, requesting me to paint her porch i am forced to work like crazy for the next few weeks to keep ahead of everything and get everything done before cold weather..Lord, i'm sensing somehow 2010 is going to be the year of the bamboo (in covey's 'seven habits of highly effective persons' he shares that change in a person is somewhat like a bamboo plant which for a number of years stays the same size and then in one season bolts to 50, was it, 60 feet high. i don't know if he's onto something. but that paradigm-changing illustration was always something i longed to experience. i because of my many and great sins against God have experienced what psalm 107 says. on the one hand there is God..as i have experienced You..and the desired response to Your ongoing mercy and grace and goodness..'oh that men would praise the Lord for His goodness and for His wonderful works to the children of men, for He satisfieth the longing soul and filleth the hungry sould with goodness'...that's You with me. now for my response to You, in the context of Your discipline on me for my sins..'such as sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, being bound in affliction and iron because they rebelled against the words of God and contemned the counsel of the Most High. therefore He brought down their heart with labor..they fell down and there was none to help'. that's where i live Lord. but Lord You were anointed to bring good news to the afflicted..to bind up the broken-hearted..to proclaim liberty to captives and freedom to prisoners...Lord, that's me. hear my cry Lord for You have broken the gates of brass and cut the bars of iron in sunder..cut the bars that hold me back from surrender 100% to You. Oh Lord, hear my cry and set me free......so hopefully i will be able to report THE YEAR OF THE BAMBOO..SET FREE IN CHRIST TO GIVE ALL TO CHRIST AND FOR CHRIST THRU CHRIST.
my father used to eat a big tablespoon of petroleum jelly everyday. told a story of a man who worked on big machinery at the heads of oil wells where this would collect on the gears or something and accidentally (read, providentially) discovered its wonderful medicinal properties. just bought some but like everything else they have messed it up..nothing like the old stuff.
would love to share an article on mysticism in ct (9.09, p47) but for lack of time must share this am with you. got up at 5 (by the way, i'm going to jinx myself but i'm on a roll of 10 consecutive to-bed-at-10-up-at-5...two of my seven daily rocks...I'M SO EXCITED...but now since i said something tonight i probably won't get in bed til 2!)
was spending time with the Lord. currently i am going thru and writing all the commands (imperative mode words) in the new testament. this am came to the 7th chapter of iicor. vs 10 says 'for the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation; but the sorrow of the world produces death'. the thot occurred that i have a CHOICE BETWEEN REPENTANCE AND REGRET. i can chose to meta/noeO (greek word for repent) or meta/mellomI (greek for regret). meta has the idea of after; noeO the idea of thot; mellomI the idea of being an object of care ...so, i'm piecing this together...i can choose to think of anything i have done, said, thot and afterward comparing that with what God has to say about it, seek God's help to move away from me towards God or i can do the same and stay where i am either justifying myself or having the hopeless feeling that i cannot change. repentance is sorrow fading when looking away from self to You Lord, regret is looking anywhere else with the result of continued sorrow. while thinking about this the word 'interesting!' came to mind and so i went after that. what does that really mean? latin has inter + esse. the first is between, the second the verb to be. webster has the idea of interest being when something concerns, affects, excites emotion or passion. regret affects me, thus stirring my interest in digging a bit. i find in spite of the amazing number of failures i've had, the colossal magnitude of my sins, with some whopping individual ones in there, what a jerk i am most of the time (always 'discovered' afterwards) I HAVE NO REGRETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS, I JOYFULLY FIND 'PROPHECIED' IN II CORINTHIANS. Lord, i bless You for producing a repentance in me that is without regret.
as i was doing this the thot came to call the 13 men God has put on my heart. the only one i regularly get is jeff braun and this am i was praying with him over the phone and all the sudden a voice came...to make your call, press one...at that point i realized that jeff had vaporized at some point previous (the prayer still took!). i hung up and called again and got an invitation to leave a message and so continued the prayer until i was cut off. it was an awesome morning though. i like to call early so as not to actually contact 'a reluctant sheep'. truth be told i did not have a burning desire to but was moved to do so out of a rare 'be faithful' urge. well, glory came down. as i called down the list, focusing on encouraging the men with psalm 13 where david, feeling forsaken of God and being abused by men, nevertheless concludes by saying, 'but i HAVE TRUSTED in Thy mercy. my heart SHALL REJOICE in Thy salvation'. WOW what a blessing. david DECIDED IN THE PAST that he was going to trust the Lord come hell and high water and so, in the midst of being forsaken and abused, he confidently looks forward to not getting what he deserves and being delivered from his difficulties...anyway i called a number up twice to get a bit more 'prayed out' over them and the glory came down...there is so much more to tell of God and His goodness, but for this week, i am history..have a good week. love, dad
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