matthew 5.1 says, 'when He saw the multitudes, He went up the mountain and after He sat down, His disciples came to Him'. i just started memorizing the sermon on the mount a few minutes ago and when i went over this verse a few times several things came to mind. 1. Jesus did not go to the multitudes nor away. He just made it a little more difficult to reach Him. 2. after He sat down, His disciples came..not before. was #1 deliberate? i think of the verse that says something to the effect, when you seek Me you shall find Me, when you seek for Me with all your heart. was#2 a set sign between His 'learners' and Himself that teaching was to begin, was it simply seen as an opportunity to possibly hear what He might say or is there nothing special involved? if i am sensitive to the Lord, if i hunger to learn from Him, to know Him better then i will put myself into a position, even at the cost of real effort to do so whenever opportunity affords.
my inner life continues to be in shambles, full of weakness, inconsistencies, sin and a definite, conscious holding myself from a complete giving of myself. the last, it seems is the taproot from which all the other bad fruit is coming. i have been praying for sometime about a full consecration of my life to Jesus and God is pointing out items that need to be surrendered completely and i'm not willing. i am in great need and unless i take this step will continue to suffer spiritually and be 'out to sea' as it were.
i've decided to finish up last week's book. there are too many meaningful, helpful comments and just typing them out is another time of 'good food' to eat. i hope you are helped to some degree by what you are able to read.
no doubt, as i know only too well, the knowledge that one's acts have, contrary to one's intention, led to all sorts of dreadful consequences, is a heavy burden. but it is a burden of regret and humiliation, isn't it, rather than of guilt. perhaps we all dislike humiliation so much that we tend to disguise it from ourslves by treating blunders as sins?
my idea of the purgatorial kitchen didn't mean that anyone had lately been 'getting in my hair'.
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