in part one of what i hope to be a series of statements from carey's 2 year journal, i tried to 'correct' carey's words ie. capitalizing first letters on names of God, etc. bit by bit i gave that and all other correction up. carey's words i am trying, with few exceptions, to have just as he wrote them. for a world class linguist, his spelling, punctuation and grammer suffer.
4.19.1794 o how gorious are the ways of God. my soul longeth, and fainteth rfor God, for the living God - to see his glory and beauty as i have seen them in the sanctuary - when i first left england my hope of the conversion of the heathen was very strong, but among so many obstcles it would entirely die away, unless upheld by God - nothing to exercise it, but many things to obstruct it for now a year and 19 days, which is the space since i left my dear charge at leicester. since that i have had hurrying up and down; a 5 months imprisonment with carnal men on board the ship, 5 more learning the language; my munshi (native language helper/teacher) not understanding english sufficiently to interpret my preaching - (my family my accusers and hinderers,) my colleague (the man carey was supposed to work with in india) separated from me, long delays and few opportunities for social worship - no woods to retire to like brainerd for fear of tigers (no less than 20 men in the department of debhatta where i am, have been carried away by them this season from the salt works) - no earthly thing to depend upon, or earthly comfort; except food and raiment; well i have God and his word is sure; and the superstitions of the heathen were a million times more deeply rooted - and the examples of europeans, a million times worse than they are; if i were deserted by all and persecuted by all. yet my hope, fixed on that sure word will rise superior to all obstructions and triumph over all trials; God's cause will triumph and i shall come out of all trials as gold purified by fire ..
4.20 began the day with uncomfortable expectations and heartbreaking views of wretchedness, pride and unmortified affections within and confusing appearance without, yet notwithstanding i enjoyed a very comfortable day; i had much pleasure in instructing my family and found my soul drawn out in desires for the salvation of my children. blessed be God for this day.
4.22..i think the hope of soon acquiring the language puts fresh life into my soul, for a long time my mouth has been shut and my days have been beclouded with heaviness - but now i begin to be something like a traveler who has been almost beat out in a violent storm; and who with all his clothes about him dripping wet, sees the sky begin to clear, so i with only the prospect of a more pleasant season at hand, scarce feel the sorrows of the present.
4.23 with all the cares of life and all its sorrows, yet i find that a life of communion with God is sufficient to yield consolation in the midst of all and even to produce a holy joy in the soul which shall make it to triumph over all affliction; i have never yet repented of any sacrifice that i have made for the gospel, but find that consolation of mind which can come from God alone.
4.24 still a continuance of the same tranquil state of mind; outwardly the sky lowrs but within i feel the soul's calm sunshine and the heart felt joy...
4.25 ..i feel a calm, serious frame of heart, but yet have cause to mourn the want of a contemplative mind; things come and go and seem to make but very little impression upon my heart, o what need i have of a spirit of importunate intercession with God; i pray for divine blessings, yet rest too well contented without obtaining them.
4.26 i spend some pleasant hours with munshi almost every day - have much pleasure to see him turn his back upon idolatry and laugh at the superstitions of the hindus; i wish sincerely that he had but a little more of the zeal of the old christians; but while i rejoice in his judgment of divine things; i am grieved at his timorousness; and strong attachment to his cast, which he looks upon notwithstanding as chains forged by the devil, to hold the hindus in slavery..
4.27..had much pleasure and affection in instructing my family and have seen some such impressions upon my 2 eldest children, as are matter of great encouragement to me; o that they may be followed up by God to good purpose.
4.28..i want to know the affairs of europe, o my friends, my dear friends, i long for all the communion with you that our distance can allow.
4.29..my soul has been strengthened and enlightened; i only want an heart endowed with gratitude and love; i want to be filled with a sense of the mercy of heaven and to feel my heart warmed with a hearty regard to him and all his ways, i find great reason to fear lest i should contract an unfeeling carnal form of godliness without the power.
4.30 i have reason to bless God for all the benefits with which he loads me - o how apt we are to overlook all his goodness and all his beauty and to dwell on those parts of our experience which are dreary and discouraging, but i feel that the light afflictions and momentary sorrows which i endure diminish in their bulk and lose their nature while we look not at temporal but at eternal things; while concerned about temporal things i see all temporal troubles magnify themselves and on the contrary when i see the beauty of holiness; and the importance of my work; all that i have to meet with in the prosecution of the work disappears and is scarcely perceptible.
5.1 still some rays of sunshine dart upon my soul and i can say with the apostle thanks be to God, who comforteth us in all our tribulation. and yet i can derive no comfort from the wources that other people commonly do; (i have none of those helps and encouragements from my family of friends that many have - they are rather enemies to the work that i have undertaken but tho i find it extremely difficult to know how to act with propriety and sometimes perhaps act indiscreetly,) yet i find that support in God which i can find no where else and perhaps these trials are designed to put me upon trusting in and seeking happiness from the Lord alone..
5.2 still i have reason to bless God for serenity and composure of soul, but the state in which i am is such as precludes me from action; and almost discourages me - yet blessed by God the translation goes on - and i find much pleasure in the prospect of being able to print it soon.
5.3 my life is attended with very little variety, i fear that a wretched coldness is growing upon me and hope that almighty power may prevent it - living at another man's table i have no time or opportunity for fasting and prayer, which my soul greatly needs.
5.9-11 days of guilty vacancy. i never can enjoy peace of conscience long, if my time is not filled up for God - and wish to find much less.
5.16 tempestuous without; but blessed by God calm and serene within - o what are all earthly pleasures or pains if we have God's presence - and that which is its companion, the testimony of a good conscience that in simplicity and godly sincerity, we have had our conversation in this world.
5.17 feel very much degenerated in my sul, scarce any heart for God, but a careless indolence possesses my spirit and makes me unfit for anything - i need much of the presence of God to conquer indolence, to which the heat of the country probably contributes; but my own disposition would much nourish it - tho i bless God that i never enjoyed better health.
5.20-2 have been days of delay and barrenness to y soul - i think that i have too much impatience under disappointments; yet i can in general feel a pleasure in thinking that my times are in the hand of God and that whatsoever becomes of me yet he wil be glorified at last.
5.26 ..and in the evening began my work of publishing the word of God to the heathen...one brahman was quite confounded and a number of people were all at once crying out to him, why do you not answer him; why do you not answer him? he replied i have no words; just at this time a very learned brahman came up who was desired to talk with me - which he did and so acceded to what i said that he at last said images had been used of late years but not from the beginning - i enquired what i must do to be saved? he said i must repeat the name of God a great many times; i replied would you if your son had offended you, be os pleased with him, as to forgive him, if he was to repeat the father a 1000 times? this might please children or fools - but God is wise. he told me that i must get faith. i asked what faith was - to which he gave me no intelligible reply - but said i must obey God - i answered what are his comman- what is his will - they said, God was a great light - and as no one could see him, he became incarnated, under the tree fold character of birmmha (brahma?), beeshno (vishne?) and seeb (shiva? and that either of them must be worshipped in order to life - i told them of the sure word of the gospel - and the way of life by Christ and night coming on, left them. i cannot tell what effect it may have as i may never see them again.
5.28 ..could i but see the cause of God prevail here, i could triumph over all afflection which ever i have had the fear of going through - for indeed i have gone through very little yet - but my carnality i have daily, nay constant reason to deplore.
5.29-31 made very little way on account of the crookedness of the river, we laboured 2 days to make about 4 miles in a strait line - ti thought that our course was very much like the christian life, sometimes going forward and often apparently backward, tho the last was absolutely necessary to the prosecution of our journey..
6.1 blessed be God this has not been a day totally lost - when i can feel my soul going out after God, what pleasure it yields and an hour spent with a near and enduring sense of the divine perfection how very pleasant and refreshing it is.
6.2..i thought of trying to talk to some poor people at..this evening, but just before i was going to begin a fire broke out which consumed 3 houses and called the attention of the few people who were here till it was too late
6.3 had some serious thots this morning upon the necessity of having the mind evangelically emplyed, i find it is not enough to have it set upon duty, sin, death or eternity. these are important but as the gospel is the way of a sinner's deliverance so, evangelical truth, sould and will, when it is well with him, mostly occupy his thoughts, - but alas the afternoon i felt peevish and uncomfortable.
6.4-6 deadness and carnality prevailed these days - i have no opportunities for retirement and what is worse little heart to retire - perhaps this is the reason why i excuse myself by saying i have no place.
6.8..felt thankful that God had preserved us and wondered how he can regard so mean a creature as was enabled this evening to wrestle with God in prayer for many of my dear friends in england..
6.9 ..my unprofitableness has been a source of humiliation to me..
6.12-4 ..much mercy has followed us all through this journey and considering the very weak state o my wife we have been supported beyond expectation - travelling in general i have always found unfriendly to the progress of divine life in my soul, but travelling with a family more particularly so - yet through the mercy of god, i have not been without some seasons of enjoyment and inward delight in God - tho moved with an awful degree of coldness and inattentiveness to that which when attended to has always been productive of the greatest pleasure and satisfaction to my soul.
6.16 ..tho our congregation did not exceed 16 yet the pleasure that i felt in having my tongue once more loosed i can hardly describe - was enabled to be faithful and felt a sweet affection for immortl souls.
6.17-8 had much serious conversation and sweet pleasure these days; i feel now as if released from a prison and enjoying the sweets of christian fellowship again - o that our labour may be prosperous and our hearts made glad to see the work of the Lord carried on with vigour, surely the lord is now thus making room for us; and removing every difficulty without some gracious design; i must desire a spirit of activity and affection.
carey at this point takes on the role of a manager of an indigo plantation.
6.28 ..felt not much spirituality today, but had the pleasure of detecting a shocking piof oppression practiced by those natives who managed the affairs of this place before my coming. they had hired laborers for 2 rupees per month, - but when the por people came to be paid they deducted 2 annas (16 annas makes 1 rupee) from each man's pay for themselves. i am glad of this detection on 2 accounts, namely as it affords me an opportunity of doing justice among the heathen and exposing the wickedof their leaders, one of these oppressors being a brahman and as it so discouraged the poor people from working for us, that we could scarcely procure labourers at any rate, this will serve a little to remove the prejudice of the people against the europeans and prepare a way for the publication of the gospel.
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