2.23.1795 i felt some encouragement through this day, arising from the circumstance of the people coming yesterday for instruction, and was enabled to plead with God for them; i long for their deliverance from their miserable state on 2 accounts, principally because i see God daily dishonoured, and them drowned in sensuality, ignorance and superstition, and likewise because i think that news of the conversion of some of them would much encourage the society, and excite them to double their efforts in other places for the propagation of the glorious gospel.
2.24,25 i think one of the greatest blessings upon earth is christian society, for if one becomes somewhat dull, conversation serves to enliven his spirits and to prompt him on in godliness; i have but little to this help, and to my sorrow often fall, when i have not one at hand to lift me up again. i think my peevishness, fretfulness, and impatience is astonishing. o that the grace of God might but be in me and abound.
february and march: this season, it is a considerable work, and requires much care and attention.
3.1 felt my mind somewhat set upon the things of God, and had some real pleasure in the public exercises which were engaged in, in my house this day. i felt a concern for the gospel, and its spread in other parts, and for the churches, and ministers of my acquaintance; was in hopes that my last week's congregation would have come today, but was disappointed. i went out however to a market at about 2 miles distance ..and preached to the people there, who were very attentive, and promised to come for further instruction the day after tomorrow, i hope some good may be done soon.
3.9,10 much to complain of, such another dead soul i think scarcely exists in the world. i can only compare myself to one banished from all his friends and wandering in an irksome solitude.
3. 12-14 much to do in the world, and almost all my time taken up therein, have had a few serious solitary reflections, but want that tenderness of conscience, and that peace of conscience which i have experienced in time past; mine is a lonesome life indeed. o that my soul my be quickened in divine things.
3.15 a miserable day. i did not suspect that my soul was so absorpt in the world as i find it to be. if i try to pray, some thing relative to the compleating of our works starts up and my thoughts are all carnal, and confused. i have been very unhappy and would not have to manage all the business of so great a concern again for another person of the world, but it is my own carnal spirit that is to be blamed. this is the station which God has i great mercy put me int, and has thus preserved and provided for my family. ..i went out to preach to the natives, found very few, tried to discourse to them, but my soul was overwhelmed with depression, and i left them after some time. by the way i tried to pour out my soul in prayer to God, but was ready to sink under the burden of my own soul..
3. 23,29 ..spiritual conversation is a great and invaluable blessing..
4.11-2 on the last of these days preached twice to the natives, had a large assembly in the morning about 200 and in the evening about 500. munshi first read to them a part of the gospel of matthew, and i afterwards preached to them, upon the necessity of repentance and faith, and of copying after the example of Christ - they heard with considerable attention, and i felt some sweet freedom in pressing them to come to Christ. afterwards had some meditation on the effect of the fear of God on my soul, and saw plainly that i was restrained from much evil thereby, not merely as if i was hindered from action by bonds put upon me but, by its operation upon my will, and exciting me to fear doing that which God disapproves of -
5.9 i have added nothing to these memoirs since the 19th april. now i observe that for the last 3 sabbaths my soul has been much comforted in seeing so large a congregation, and more especially as many who are not our own workmen attend from the parts adjacent, whose attendance must by wholly disinterested. i therefore now rejoice in seeing a regular congregation of from 2 to 600 people, of all descriptions, mussulmen, brahmans and other classed of hindus, and which i look upon as a favourable token from God - i this day attempted to preach to them more regularly from a passage of the word of God, luke 4.18 'the spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor, etc. - in which i endeavored to prove the miserable state of unconverted men, as spiritually poor, as bound by a sinful disposition, and by pernicious customs, and false expectations of happiness, from false, and idolatrous worship in which i took occasion to observe that both in the shastras and koran, there were many good observations and rules, and which ought to be attended to, but that one thing, they could not inform us of ..how God can forgive sin, consistent with his justice, and save sinners in a way in which justice and mercy could harmonize. i told them that their books were like a loaf of malignant poison, which made the whole so poisonous that whoever sould eat of it would die, so i observed that their writings contained much good instruction mixed with deadly poison.
i appealed to them whether any of their idols could give rain (a blessing much wanted now) or whether they could do them any service at all; when an old mussulman answered aloud 'no they have no power at all' and in this he included the mussulman's (peers) or spirits of their saints, as well as the heathen idols. i observed that the caste was a strong chain by which they were bound, and afterwards spoke of the suitableness and glory of the gospel which proposed an infinitely great sacrifice for infinite guilt, and a fee salvation for poor, and perishing sinners. in the afternoon i enlarged upon the same subject, felt my own soul warmed with the opportunity and hope for good, - of late God has given me greater concern for the salvation of the heathen, and i have been enabled to make it a more important request at the throne of grace - blessed by God have at last received letters and other articles from our friends in england. i rejoice to hear of the welfare of zion, bless God that leicester people go on well - o may they increase more and more. letters from dear brethren fuller, morris, pearce, and rippon, but why not from others, i am grieved for carleton church, poor brother west! i am grieved for england. a residence there with propriety is extremely difficult. bless God we have no such spies of informers here, we are in peace, and sit under our vines and fig trees..
6.14 (last journal entry) i have had very sore trials in my own family from a quarter which i forbear to mention, have greater need for faith and patience than ever i had and i bless God that i have not been altogether without supplies of these graces from God, tho alas i have much to complain of from within..we concerted means to get all the old hindu professors together, having it now in our power to furnish them with some employment. ..we spent wednesday 26 - in prayer, and..we all engaged in supplication for the revival of godliness in our own souls and the prosperity of the work among the natives. i am from that day seized with a dysentery which continued near a week with dreadful violence - but then i recovered, through abundant mercy. that day of prayer was a good day to our souls. we concerted measures for forming a baptist church, and tomorrow morning i going to moypal for the purpose of our organizing the same - through divine mercy our congregation of natives is very promising; we have rather fewer people now owing to this being their seeds time, the rains being just now setting in - i hope for , and expect the blessing of God among us. tho it is painful to preach among careless heathens, yet i feel preaching the gospel to be the element of my soul; had much seriousness to day in addressing them from the words of paul. 'come out from among them and be separate and touch not the unclean thing and i will receive you etc.' and i thought the people behaved seriously. the foundation also goes on, genesis is finished, and exodus to the 33rd chap. i have also for the purpose iof exercising myself in the language begun translating the gospel of john; which munshi afterwards corrects; and mr. thomas has begun the gospel by luke. o Lord send now prosperity.
the above writer, who is said to have spoken - ATTEMPT GREAT THINGS FOR GOD, EXPECT GREAT THINGS FROM GOD, ended being involved in not only having a hand in translating (parts of) the bible into about 40 languages, but also authored many language grammars and other helps in a number of these. oh Lord may You help me have this same faith and spirit...not for any particular 'attainment' but that i may simply be moved and brought to the same degree of commitment to serve You however You please.
i hope, by the grace of God, to go thru these noting some of the many things i have been benefited by to the end that this benefit might become not solely intellectual but may become fruitful to living a life more pleasing to You
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