7.22.2012 IS TOTAL CONSECRATION POSSIBLE?!

1.CONSECRATE-set apart or dedicate to the service of a deity (note: in the case of Jesus i would amend webster's definition to, either, set oneself apart..or be set apart by God to be His continual slave)

2.DEDICATE-devote wholly or earnestly

3A.DEVOTE-
to GIVE UP TO or
APPROPRIATE TO or
CONCENTRATE ON A particular pursuit, occupation, PURPOSE, cause, etc.

3B.EARNESTly-
SERIOUS in intention, purpose or effort;
sincerely ZEALOUS;
showing DEPTH AND SINCERITY OF FEELING;
seriously IMPORTANT;
FULL seriousness

4A. APPROPRIATE-set apart for some specific purpose or use

4B. CONCENTRATE-
-bring to a common CENTER or point of union
-direct toward one POINT
-FOCUS;
-put into a SINGLE place
-INTENSIFY
-make/become denser, stronger or PUREr
-BRING ALL efforts, faculties, activities TO BEAR ON ONE THING
-come to a COMMON center

4C. PURPOSE
-the REASON FOR which something (in this case someone) exists ( EXISTENCE)
-INTENDED or DESIRED RESULT, END, AIM, GOAL
-DETERMINATION, RESOLUTION

4D. SERIOUS- characterized by DEEP THOUGHT

4E. ZEALous-FERVOR for a person, cause or object;
-EAGER DESIRE OR ENDEAVOR
-ENTHUSIASTIC DILIGENCE
-ARDOR

4F. DEPTH- INTENSITY

4G. SINCERity- 
-FREE OF DECEIT, HYPOCRISY OR FALSENESS;
-GENUINE, REAL
-UNMIXED, UNADULTERATED

4H. FEELing-
-BE(COME) CONSCIOUS OF
-BE EMOTIONALLY AFFECTED BY
-EXPERIENCE THE EFFECTS OF
-HAVE A PARTICULAR SENSATION/ IMPRESSION OF
-HAVE A GENUINE/THOROUGH CONVICTION OF
-THINK,
-BELIEVE
-HAVE A SENSATION OF BEING

4I. IMPORTant-
-BE OF CONSEQUENCE, MATTER

4J. FULL
-COMPLETE
-ENTIRE
-MAXIMUM

SERIOUS-
showing DEEP THOUGHT;
of GRAVE or SOMBER manner
NOT TRIFLING
requiring.. APPLICATION

after going through this little exercise i come up with something like: everything for God and nothing for me.

this all arose because in 2011 i felt that God was calling me to something along this line...and i consciously pulled back. in fact i  went on an unparalleled binge of ice cream eating, tv sports watching, reading and , in general, avoiding things i felt i ought to do...even to the point of barely taking care of absolutely basic life responsibilities. so i guess that was my answer. no.

but i keep praying..am in deep misery and concern over how God has been bringing into my consciousness a growing awareness of my sin and its horrendous nature..and this has nothing to do what i just mentioned above..and have recently been sensing that some of the strangleholds mentioned above are relaxing a bit. then in the last week i let go watching any of the summer olympics..and this was really a bit painful, the reading of the sports page and sports illustrated. i have stopped listening to sports radio, even kyw. on saturday i got gallery 3 by gary larsen at a book sale for .50 and started whiffing through it with great pleasure and gusto..but...it's kind of hard to put into words...but i sensed that this enjoyment..along with so many others..was crowding God out. putting Him in a ramshackle old, broken down room with no light and heat..that by tiny increments i was being taken over. or to put it another way i was giving myself over to things-ALL GOOD AND FINE AND ALL THAT STUFF- that were choking , literally choking the Life of God out of me. honestly.

normal people would say this is all nuts..and i kind of agree. as far as mySELF goes, i totally and firmly am in agreement that this is all nut. i will probably experience a spiritual tsunami of a negative reaction any minute now..much greater than what i experienced last year. i'm just waiting for the inevitable to happen. this giving all, meaning ALL, meaning everything E-V-E-R-Y   S-I-N-G-L-E  F-R-E-A-K-I-N'  T-H-I-N-G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to God..it's just beyond possibility.

i've never known anyone that i perceived was living like that, did you?! i once read a book by amy carmichal (sp?) i think called 'god's missionary'. in it she told of her struggle as a young missionary. all the other older missionaries on the field made time in their lives for parties, amusements etc. but amy didn't feel comfortable doing these things. she even came to the point where she didn't feel comfortable reading books that did not specifically bring her closer to God. i've never forgotten that little book. i don't think God wants me to.