well this has been a bit of a melancholy week. after seven years and eight months eddie has moved out. he will be living in virginia, helping his parents get their house in shape with a view to them transitioning to a local retirement home. God has graciously worked in this all and his family is greatly heartened, blessed and transformed by what he is doing. so there is a special glow about it all. my prayer is that he will buy a little gentleman's farm, provide for all his needs with his own hands and keep an eye on his parents in a situation where they have their own space. then when he gets married to another homesteading spirit and they start having children all three generations can cross pollinate! yea, you know me...the dreamer-idealist. but that is my wish. so much healing in that unreachable world...
eddie and i celebrated our last free evening together watching 'matrix' and then (for me) recovering by going to michael's restaurant for coffee and dessert and then home for a time of prayer. then i, coffee-saturated, stayed up the few hours that remained and read 'wild at heart' by john eldridge. then to warminster planned parenthood to pray and protest. just received word that it may not be long until people like myself will be considered domestic terrorists dangerous to our culture.
just talked with tom and judy leidy this am at church and heard of a trip to jordan where they experienced an amazingly different 'picture' of muslims. jordan is 96 % muslim yet they allow the US to transport war things into iraq from their country. it was amazing to see how honest, sober (no alcohol), chaste and family oriented the local populace was. they went to one park where they estimated 20,000 people were there with their families-all very kind and friendly etc. it made me realize again how we are fed a certain very limited slant to what goes on in the world. 'news' has nothing to do with openness and truth but is just one more product designed for consumption based upon an agenda. i'll get off the soap box.
last two days a sudden spike into the 90s and for the first time since i can remember i am not cold. as i recently thought of what another prolifer shared with me this winter about taking off my gloves and put my hands where my legs could warm them this heart-warming analogy came to mind. just as my frozen hands, made that way by gloves, are warmed deliciously by my legs in the coldest weather, so my soul, always sinful despite my many attempts and devices, is forgiven and healed again and again by You. thank You.
found two more ways to economize. saved $83 on home insurance by moving the deductible from $1000 to $2500. next year hopefully i'll take another baby step toward no insurance by going to a $5000 deductible. that will bring it to just over $100 for the year. also i discovered ounce for ounce that it is 2/3rds less expensive to buy brown organic eggs in a third small egg flat than to by the same as jumbos in a 12-pack. also have enjoyed dandylion greens in my salad this week after picking a huge bagfull off the back lawn.
came across something in the voice of the martyrs publication that shared a process that has helped many who have been traumatized by lethal violence done to spouses or other members of their families. the process is:
1. spend time focusing on Jesus' presence
2. recall the moment of trauma
3. purposefully invite Jesus into that moment
4. give Jesus the pain and ask for His direction
5. commit to doing what Jesus directs
VOM reports that many are transformed.
my ongoing question concerning marriage once again had an interesting input when another man at the wild at heart retreat became the first human being to validate what i did in reference to mom. he and his wife got married on an uncertain foundation much like mom and i. they too have a great amount of conflict. i shared that i worked my hands to the bone to try to stay out of debt and meet the needs of the family, but the more i made the faster it went out...and, to boot, i got the distinct impression, although mom -from where she was coming from economically- was truly amazing in her patience and restraint, was more and more aware that i would never come close to meeting her expectations financially. although we lived royally juxtaposed to my upbringing, we were and would always be slumming it juxtaposed to hers. it came slowly but i realized that i was created to live a life that had nothing to do with a focus on money and things but with the non-material world. here i was, my life passing by, focused wholly on earning money. then came the defining moment when i put my foot down and said, 'i will pay the mortgage, the utilities, the food and a modest amount for clothing but that is it. i had done everything from regularly eating all the food left by the family to living out of the trash cans at landis market etc. to economize and was at the end. no more would i pay for more than just necessities. mom freaked and the meltdown began. when i had finished sharing this with pete, he looked at me and said, AMAZINGLY, 'steve, you did the right thing!!! you set limits just like i'm setting limits which my wife is going ballistic over. you did the right thing.' now granted here are two sinners talking...but it got me thinking about the other side of the coin again. just like in I cor. 7 where believers are admonished to stay with unbelievers, but to allow them to depart if they want...that was exactly how i originally viewed the whole thing. i was not any longer going to allow another person to cause me to live in violation to my conscience. when God highlighted matthew 5:32 recently i saw the other. in matthew i 'saw' that i forced mom to divorce by taking my inflexible stand on this and other issues. but the other side is that mom chose to leave...it is all very confusing after talking with pete for all the memories came flooding back. my lousy memory is a handicap. so yea...i don't know, i just don't really know. you are always talking about two sinners not one...but you are talking about sin. if any of you would want to share your thoughts it might be a real help in enabling me to remember in cases or to 'see' something i haven't yet seen. gotta go. have a good week. love, dad
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
4.21.09 WILD AT HEART REFLECTION
part of the aftermath of the wild at heart retreat, or should i say advance, has been to look at the word 'adventure' and some related words. this was done with noah webster's american dictionary of the english language (1828).
ADVENTURE from Latin adventus from advenio (ad=to + venio=to come; literally means 'to come to') definition - HAZARD, RISK, CHANCE, that of which one has no direction...at all hazards... see ADVENT, VENTURE
ADVENT - a coming; the coming of our Savior into this world
VENTURE - a hazard, an undertaking of chance or danger; the risking of something upon an event which cannot be foreseen with tolerable certainty
CHANCE - seems to be from the participle of the french verb cheoir - to fall; def - an event that happens, falls out or takes place without being contrived, intended, expected or foreseen; the effect of an unknown cause or the unusual or unexpected effect of a known cause
HAZARD - to expose to chance, put in danger of loss, injury
RISK - the sense is pushing forward, a rushing, exposure to harm. see PERIL
PERIL - from latin periculum; greek parao - to try, attempt, that is to strain, also para - an attempt, danger, hazard (also point or edge of a sword coinciding with ber, per (welsh) - a spit, spear, pike, hence latin experior and english experience.; paro - to pass, thrust in or transfix. the primary sense of peril is to advance, pushing, going forward; a radical sense of boldness; danger denounced 'do it at your own peril'
the adventure You want me to hazard all on:
1. believe You (john 7.38); obey You
2. seek first Your kingdom and Your righteousness and be totally dependent on You for material needs (matt. 6.25-30)
3. meditate on the Bible (ps. 1.2, 119.11), know the Bible so as to be able to share it (II tim. 2.15)4. proclaim the gospel to everyone (mk. 16.15)
5. make disciples (matthew 28.19-20)
6. speak the truth in love (ephesians 4.15)
7. deny every desire coming from self, most powerfully the desire to have a beauty to care for, protect, defend and fight for...as i, though humanly wavering, am currently convinced such is forbidden by You (lk. 9.23-4)
8. think of every woman as Your daughter and relate to her, in heart, as such
9. fight for the hearts of my family
10. fight for the hearts of 12 men
11. do the seven essential daily 'duties'
12. accomplish what i don't think i can (ie. fix the front porch) phil. 4.13
13. be whatever i see as lacking in another
14. eat only for strength (eccl. 10.17), fast (mk. 2.20), eat only organic
15. do not knowingly accept $1.00 from government
16. look to You alone for physical healing, if You choose, and be joyfully ready to depart if You don't (ps. 90.3,5-9,15; 103.3; phil.1.21-4)
ADVENTURE from Latin adventus from advenio (ad=to + venio=to come; literally means 'to come to') definition - HAZARD, RISK, CHANCE, that of which one has no direction...at all hazards... see ADVENT, VENTURE
ADVENT - a coming; the coming of our Savior into this world
VENTURE - a hazard, an undertaking of chance or danger; the risking of something upon an event which cannot be foreseen with tolerable certainty
CHANCE - seems to be from the participle of the french verb cheoir - to fall; def - an event that happens, falls out or takes place without being contrived, intended, expected or foreseen; the effect of an unknown cause or the unusual or unexpected effect of a known cause
HAZARD - to expose to chance, put in danger of loss, injury
RISK - the sense is pushing forward, a rushing, exposure to harm. see PERIL
PERIL - from latin periculum; greek parao - to try, attempt, that is to strain, also para - an attempt, danger, hazard (also point or edge of a sword coinciding with ber, per (welsh) - a spit, spear, pike, hence latin experior and english experience.; paro - to pass, thrust in or transfix. the primary sense of peril is to advance, pushing, going forward; a radical sense of boldness; danger denounced 'do it at your own peril'
the adventure You want me to hazard all on:
1. believe You (john 7.38); obey You
2. seek first Your kingdom and Your righteousness and be totally dependent on You for material needs (matt. 6.25-30)
3. meditate on the Bible (ps. 1.2, 119.11), know the Bible so as to be able to share it (II tim. 2.15)4. proclaim the gospel to everyone (mk. 16.15)
5. make disciples (matthew 28.19-20)
6. speak the truth in love (ephesians 4.15)
7. deny every desire coming from self, most powerfully the desire to have a beauty to care for, protect, defend and fight for...as i, though humanly wavering, am currently convinced such is forbidden by You (lk. 9.23-4)
8. think of every woman as Your daughter and relate to her, in heart, as such
9. fight for the hearts of my family
10. fight for the hearts of 12 men
11. do the seven essential daily 'duties'
12. accomplish what i don't think i can (ie. fix the front porch) phil. 4.13
13. be whatever i see as lacking in another
14. eat only for strength (eccl. 10.17), fast (mk. 2.20), eat only organic
15. do not knowingly accept $1.00 from government
16. look to You alone for physical healing, if You choose, and be joyfully ready to depart if You don't (ps. 90.3,5-9,15; 103.3; phil.1.21-4)
Monday, April 20, 2009
4.20.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!
it is monday am and i am sitting in the library with five days of stubble on my face and wearing a sweatshirt that reeks somewhere between a forrest fire and back yard barbeque from standing around bondfires until all hours of the morning. i drank more coffee than i have collectively for probably the last several years. this is the men's retreat i was told about by jim yothers on the block. it is based on the book 'wild at heart' and put on by a group of five men who have been meeting for the last six years most every week. i would find it very hard to express what i experienced, not so much in the outside world but in the inner.
i went with the distinct impression that although i had gone 'to support jimmy in his walk with the God' that there may be something there that God has for me. i'm just beginning to process but, at this point, it looks like both may turn out to be true. i can't really articulate...and in a sense have no desire to articulate at this point what happened. one thing i may venture is that what God has been teaching me through nee may be beginning to be internalized. pre-nee i would probably be wildly thrashing around in the inner and outer world making all kinds of premature and rash inward and outward statements and actions. instead there is a cautionary to do or say little or nothing and just take the whole thing to God for His leading step by step. i would sincerely invite you to plan to join me next year (maybe i can get a special dispensation for you kate :)
i'll just say that there are all kinds of hard things that i have avoided for as long as i can remember...hard things in the billions of little choices i have made that have largely shaped who i am at this point and the path my life has taken so far...hard things in bigger arenas that i have avoided. the retreat was focused on regaining lost masculinity which i think i need very badly to do.
i'll leave it go at that for now. hope you have a good week. love, dad
i went with the distinct impression that although i had gone 'to support jimmy in his walk with the God' that there may be something there that God has for me. i'm just beginning to process but, at this point, it looks like both may turn out to be true. i can't really articulate...and in a sense have no desire to articulate at this point what happened. one thing i may venture is that what God has been teaching me through nee may be beginning to be internalized. pre-nee i would probably be wildly thrashing around in the inner and outer world making all kinds of premature and rash inward and outward statements and actions. instead there is a cautionary to do or say little or nothing and just take the whole thing to God for His leading step by step. i would sincerely invite you to plan to join me next year (maybe i can get a special dispensation for you kate :)
i'll just say that there are all kinds of hard things that i have avoided for as long as i can remember...hard things in the billions of little choices i have made that have largely shaped who i am at this point and the path my life has taken so far...hard things in bigger arenas that i have avoided. the retreat was focused on regaining lost masculinity which i think i need very badly to do.
i'll leave it go at that for now. hope you have a good week. love, dad
Saturday, April 11, 2009
4.12.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!
He is risen! greetings from s.e. pa. we had an especially good Good Friday service last night. we, as humans, normally don't think of physical death as good and much in life takes shape based on that outlook. conversely we are either totally unaware of or, if aware, dismissive of the reality of spiritual death, that is being separated from God...at physical death, eternally. strange that we should exercise so much thought about remaining physically alive in this living hell called earth, thinking it somehow good, while unconcerned about forever being separated from God (the only real good). so it is truly GOOD friday on which He allowed Himself to be abused, taunted, ridiculed, despised, rejected, beaten and killed...all for me.
i write on saturday because tomorrow, being resurrection day, the library is closed and i am thus barred from communicating with you at that time. well...eddie after seven years and eight months rode off into the sunset yesterday morning to live in harrisonburg, va to take care of his aging parents who have increasing physical difficulties. we have prayed many times together and apart that God would lead him rightly and now He has. eddie has a peace which he has not had for a while. it will be great for the whole situation. WHAT A BLESSING! maybe he will even meet the one God has for him to love and marry. we will see.
have made some progress this week at 54. God provided a means, via jim greiser's truck to get a load of horse manure which i trust will be a blessing. was able to finish chopping out the stump in the front yard, extended the wall of the raised garden out about a foot or so and, in so doing, made the slate pieces straight again, turned and mulched the soil with the manure and planted,indoors, basil, tomatoes and peppers and outdoors about six different vegetables which i got through heirloomseedsacres.com. i also started to dig out the old broken water line that drains into the front street. today God has given a beautiful soaking rain to start things off. i had ordered an irrigation system from the same place but have not received it yet so i'll have to check on that. i hope to make some progress on unearthing the pipe this week. we'll see what God has in store. thursday evening i go to the poconos with jim yothers for a wild at heart conference. there is a bit of dissonance here in that i'm not much for what i perceive as rah-rah events, but felt led to go with jim...i don't have any clear reason why but am looking to the Lord to guide and use this time in some way for good.
shared last week a bit of what i have been experiencing as far as focus. an article by marvin olasky also helped me see myself a bit better. he writes, 'the parable of the prodigal son should have a plural in its name: sons. we all know of the younger brother's libertine living, but the elder brother has a more subtle problem: he is self-righteous and lacks joy.
part of the evangelical political problem in contemporary america is that much of the press and public sees us as elder brothers. sometimes we are that way in reaction to younger bothers. sometimes younger brothers go their way in reaction to us.
in higher education, younger brother colleges are party schools that profer sex and stimulants. some christian colleges try to avoid that by imposing tight rules in elder brother fashion. those rules may lead to external conformity rather than deep belief. both younger brother and elder brother colleges divert students from learning more about God.
in journalism, younger brother magaqines ranging from rolling stone to people sell a continuation of younger brother college life. elder brother reporters tend to be self -righteious fault-finders - and it' always someone else's fault. elder brother journalism lacks love compassion and a sense that all of us are in this mess together. christian publications that look only at sin among secularists can also be elder brothers.
in the realm of social justice', younger brothers want governmental redistribution so that evedryone, regardless of conduct, gets part of the national inheritance. some recipients of washington's largesse are widows and orphans, but others are younger brothers or sisters who should go home, but do not because government checks allow them to keep destroying themselves. elder brothers though, wax sarcastic about wastrels while they overlook the needy...the gay rights debate is another younger vs. elder brother combat zone. while covering manhattan's annual humongous gay pride parade, i didn't see any lip-locks except when the marchers observed a dozen souls from a church waving Bibles and screaming at them, 'you're going to hell, sodomite' or 'you're an abomination in the sight of God'. the presence of elder brothers allowed younger brothers to feel self-righteous..ironically, ranting reminders about sin provided the opportunity to forget about sin.
younger brothers who perceive self-righteousness or joylessness in their elders head toward mockery. on the comedy network, jon stewart is a snarkyh younger brother and stephen colbert pretends to be an elder as he parodies fox's tut-tutting bill o'reilly. elder brothers tend to forget that truth without love is like sodium with chloride: poison, not salt. what's rare on tv and in life are third brothers who, because they know deeply that the Father loves them, have love for and patience with both elder and youger brothers. third brothers, knowing they have been forgiven, are not prideful.
a third brother christian college helps students to see that all peple are made in the image of God and all people are sinners. because of that, beauty show up where we expect banality and evil emerges where we anticipate excellence...students become bilingual and bicultural, able to move in both christian and secular circles without ignoring the problems of the former or the knowledge generated in the latter, through common grace.
third brother journalism rises out of the history lecture in chapter seven of the book of acts: stephen, with neither an elder brother's pridefulness nor a younger brother's sarcasm, realistically emphasized the fallenness of his people and the holiness of God. he does not seek life's meaning in the formation of or adherence to a man-made religion that sets up a code of morality. third brother politics is also different. the founders fought for both liberty and virtue. elder brothers tend to forget the former, younger brothers the latter. third brothers know that we can never have enough laws to banish sin. they tell the truth, but do not rant at abortionists and gay rights activists. they control their tongues and lungs not because killing babies and killing marriage is right but because their goal is to change hearts. third brothers ask pointed questions and here are ones for each of us to answer. am i a younger, elder or third brother? can we through god's grace leave behind elder and younger brotherism?
i am much like the man, healed of blindness, when asked of Jesus, ' how do you see? , said, 'i see men as trees walking'. the man knew he had a problem but he still couldn't see correctly. may God have mercy on me and heal me in this area so i can see correctly. right now i am 180 degrees away from what david said in psalm 131 and, if honest, would write, 'oh Lord, my heart is proud and my eyes are haughty. i involve myself in great matters and in things too difficult for me. i have not composed and quieted my soul. a weaned child rests against his mother. my soul is not like a weaned child within me. my only consolation is that i am in some little degree of misery over this rather than totally blind to it. everything i think and do, it seems, these days is judged as self-righteous by the conscience.
i am a bit, but not yet enough, like those in psalm 107 of whom it is said, 'there were those who dwelt in darkness and in the shadow of death, prisoners in misery and chains, because they had rebelled against the words of God and spurned the counsel of the Most High. therefore He humbled their heart with labor. they stumbled and there was none to help. then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble. He saved them out of their distresses. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death and broke their bands apart. let them give thanks to the Lord for His loving kindness and for His wonders to the sons of men! for He has shattered gates of bronze and cut bars of iron asunder'. my prayer is that You would have mercy on me and forgive me and help me be the way i should.
the spring is beautiful. the daffodils are in full bloom, shirley's hiacinths are lovely and there are those single threadlike wisps full of tiny purple blossoms. the birds are singing and hopping about the lawn. no matter how bleak life can look at times to a manic-depressive personality, yet God, in His signature-kindness provides little hints on every side that He knows all, has everything in hand and ALL IS WELL... if only they can be seen. thank You Lord. open my eyes that i may see, glimpses of truth Thou hast for me. place in my hand the wonderful key, that shall unclasp and set me free. silently now i wait for Thee, (make me) ready my God Thy will to see. open my eyes. illumine me, Spirit divine.
hope you have a good week. love, dad
i write on saturday because tomorrow, being resurrection day, the library is closed and i am thus barred from communicating with you at that time. well...eddie after seven years and eight months rode off into the sunset yesterday morning to live in harrisonburg, va to take care of his aging parents who have increasing physical difficulties. we have prayed many times together and apart that God would lead him rightly and now He has. eddie has a peace which he has not had for a while. it will be great for the whole situation. WHAT A BLESSING! maybe he will even meet the one God has for him to love and marry. we will see.
have made some progress this week at 54. God provided a means, via jim greiser's truck to get a load of horse manure which i trust will be a blessing. was able to finish chopping out the stump in the front yard, extended the wall of the raised garden out about a foot or so and, in so doing, made the slate pieces straight again, turned and mulched the soil with the manure and planted,indoors, basil, tomatoes and peppers and outdoors about six different vegetables which i got through heirloomseedsacres.com. i also started to dig out the old broken water line that drains into the front street. today God has given a beautiful soaking rain to start things off. i had ordered an irrigation system from the same place but have not received it yet so i'll have to check on that. i hope to make some progress on unearthing the pipe this week. we'll see what God has in store. thursday evening i go to the poconos with jim yothers for a wild at heart conference. there is a bit of dissonance here in that i'm not much for what i perceive as rah-rah events, but felt led to go with jim...i don't have any clear reason why but am looking to the Lord to guide and use this time in some way for good.
shared last week a bit of what i have been experiencing as far as focus. an article by marvin olasky also helped me see myself a bit better. he writes, 'the parable of the prodigal son should have a plural in its name: sons. we all know of the younger brother's libertine living, but the elder brother has a more subtle problem: he is self-righteous and lacks joy.
part of the evangelical political problem in contemporary america is that much of the press and public sees us as elder brothers. sometimes we are that way in reaction to younger bothers. sometimes younger brothers go their way in reaction to us.
in higher education, younger brother colleges are party schools that profer sex and stimulants. some christian colleges try to avoid that by imposing tight rules in elder brother fashion. those rules may lead to external conformity rather than deep belief. both younger brother and elder brother colleges divert students from learning more about God.
in journalism, younger brother magaqines ranging from rolling stone to people sell a continuation of younger brother college life. elder brother reporters tend to be self -righteious fault-finders - and it' always someone else's fault. elder brother journalism lacks love compassion and a sense that all of us are in this mess together. christian publications that look only at sin among secularists can also be elder brothers.
in the realm of social justice', younger brothers want governmental redistribution so that evedryone, regardless of conduct, gets part of the national inheritance. some recipients of washington's largesse are widows and orphans, but others are younger brothers or sisters who should go home, but do not because government checks allow them to keep destroying themselves. elder brothers though, wax sarcastic about wastrels while they overlook the needy...the gay rights debate is another younger vs. elder brother combat zone. while covering manhattan's annual humongous gay pride parade, i didn't see any lip-locks except when the marchers observed a dozen souls from a church waving Bibles and screaming at them, 'you're going to hell, sodomite' or 'you're an abomination in the sight of God'. the presence of elder brothers allowed younger brothers to feel self-righteous..ironically, ranting reminders about sin provided the opportunity to forget about sin.
younger brothers who perceive self-righteousness or joylessness in their elders head toward mockery. on the comedy network, jon stewart is a snarkyh younger brother and stephen colbert pretends to be an elder as he parodies fox's tut-tutting bill o'reilly. elder brothers tend to forget that truth without love is like sodium with chloride: poison, not salt. what's rare on tv and in life are third brothers who, because they know deeply that the Father loves them, have love for and patience with both elder and youger brothers. third brothers, knowing they have been forgiven, are not prideful.
a third brother christian college helps students to see that all peple are made in the image of God and all people are sinners. because of that, beauty show up where we expect banality and evil emerges where we anticipate excellence...students become bilingual and bicultural, able to move in both christian and secular circles without ignoring the problems of the former or the knowledge generated in the latter, through common grace.
third brother journalism rises out of the history lecture in chapter seven of the book of acts: stephen, with neither an elder brother's pridefulness nor a younger brother's sarcasm, realistically emphasized the fallenness of his people and the holiness of God. he does not seek life's meaning in the formation of or adherence to a man-made religion that sets up a code of morality. third brother politics is also different. the founders fought for both liberty and virtue. elder brothers tend to forget the former, younger brothers the latter. third brothers know that we can never have enough laws to banish sin. they tell the truth, but do not rant at abortionists and gay rights activists. they control their tongues and lungs not because killing babies and killing marriage is right but because their goal is to change hearts. third brothers ask pointed questions and here are ones for each of us to answer. am i a younger, elder or third brother? can we through god's grace leave behind elder and younger brotherism?
i am much like the man, healed of blindness, when asked of Jesus, ' how do you see? , said, 'i see men as trees walking'. the man knew he had a problem but he still couldn't see correctly. may God have mercy on me and heal me in this area so i can see correctly. right now i am 180 degrees away from what david said in psalm 131 and, if honest, would write, 'oh Lord, my heart is proud and my eyes are haughty. i involve myself in great matters and in things too difficult for me. i have not composed and quieted my soul. a weaned child rests against his mother. my soul is not like a weaned child within me. my only consolation is that i am in some little degree of misery over this rather than totally blind to it. everything i think and do, it seems, these days is judged as self-righteous by the conscience.
i am a bit, but not yet enough, like those in psalm 107 of whom it is said, 'there were those who dwelt in darkness and in the shadow of death, prisoners in misery and chains, because they had rebelled against the words of God and spurned the counsel of the Most High. therefore He humbled their heart with labor. they stumbled and there was none to help. then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble. He saved them out of their distresses. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death and broke their bands apart. let them give thanks to the Lord for His loving kindness and for His wonders to the sons of men! for He has shattered gates of bronze and cut bars of iron asunder'. my prayer is that You would have mercy on me and forgive me and help me be the way i should.
the spring is beautiful. the daffodils are in full bloom, shirley's hiacinths are lovely and there are those single threadlike wisps full of tiny purple blossoms. the birds are singing and hopping about the lawn. no matter how bleak life can look at times to a manic-depressive personality, yet God, in His signature-kindness provides little hints on every side that He knows all, has everything in hand and ALL IS WELL... if only they can be seen. thank You Lord. open my eyes that i may see, glimpses of truth Thou hast for me. place in my hand the wonderful key, that shall unclasp and set me free. silently now i wait for Thee, (make me) ready my God Thy will to see. open my eyes. illumine me, Spirit divine.
hope you have a good week. love, dad
Monday, April 6, 2009
4.6.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!
had a new experience yesterday. was coming over to the library to write you and all the sudden had a check in spirit. decided to cast a lot and it said 'no'. i went home. needless to say, i was not happy at all. why? I LIKE TO 'TALK' TO YOU. God is trying to move to the place where what He wants comes first before what i want, no matter how 'good' it may seem. ouch! that really cuts cross grain to my flesh. to be quite honest, i was in quite a little funk and did not have to happy an evening. everytime i deny my flesh i find it extremely powerful. try it the next time you are really looking forward to doing something you want. deliberately don't do it and see what you experience. even worse is if you NEVER do it. that hurts and tends to create general interior mayhem.
just motored through quite a number of emails...most of them of a political nature...i checked them and then pressed the 'report spam' button. i hadn't been here since last sunday so there were a bunch and i moved them out of my life with a click. wow, that was satisfying. the lot i cast, 'should i continue to be involved in political issues?' clear cut a major time thing and source of much lack of peace by coming up 'no'. great! i no longer have to bear all the world's problems on my wafer-thin little shoulders. i know if that's the total end. i have a peace about casting lot on certain things that may come up in the future. if i repeatedly get 'no' them i might discontinue all such queries. i just sense that the 'no' received on the general question was an answer to prayer for guidance, for deliverance from the frenatia of the last eight months or so.
i am now wondering about the source of all that. the period was characterized by a marked lack of peace. my sense is that when there is a lack of peace there is unclear direction from God. if i was more mature spiritually i probably would have ceased all writing, all political activity and waited on the Lord. 'i wait for the Lord. my soul doth wait and in His word do i hope. my soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning, i say, more than they that watch for the morning!' this may be a favorite verse but it has yet to take hold as a part of my life. i am an action oriented, impetus person. hard to break ingrained patterns. the Lord seems to have given me eight months of anxiety in order to begin helping me to move away from 'what comes natural'. it is interesting that from time to time, 'fret not thyself because of evildoers' would come to me. my response was to pray that i wouldn't fret. it did not occur to ask the Lord, 'what about this fretting? it's obviously not Your will. what's going on? what's the block that seems to make it impossible not to fret? and wait for direction.
among a number of things i've been impressed by, the most powerful is the statement, 'do not resist him who does evil' (matthew 6:39) . as i meditated on that the first reaction was that it seemed absurd, especially when applied, say, to abortion. (by the way, as you perhaps are already well aware, not only am i a work in progress but so is my thinking as i seek to understand exactly what God is saying to me on particular issues.) ...here i am evidently instructed not only not to resist evil people but in not resisting seek to also bless them, if possible, in the process. it goes on in this vein when saying, 'if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. and whoever shall force you to go one mile, go with him two. give to him who asks of you and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you'. it comes to me that maybe one purpose of God in these 'insane' instructions might be to provide the world with an example of His miraculous power to totally provide, protect or release from this life the one who wholly trusts in Him.
but getting back to abortion or say, a government that steals private property with impunity..or..or..or. the list can seem very long these days to a person of my persuations about what is right and wrong....how do i understand isaiah 1.17 about defending the orphan etc. well, evidently i am instructed to defend the orphan as best i can without resisting..and, if possible, blessing, those who are responsible. wow. it still GRATES BADLY. but now i am becoming increasingly convinced that it grates my flesh and not the One who instructs me how to live. i am praying to truly submit myself completely to the One 'whose ways are higher than mine'... and i am experiencing genuine peace in a growing way as i leave injustice to Him who will judge. now i need to do all i can, or more accurately that which He desires, in the narrowed scope He allows me.
hope you have a good week. love, dad
just motored through quite a number of emails...most of them of a political nature...i checked them and then pressed the 'report spam' button. i hadn't been here since last sunday so there were a bunch and i moved them out of my life with a click. wow, that was satisfying. the lot i cast, 'should i continue to be involved in political issues?' clear cut a major time thing and source of much lack of peace by coming up 'no'. great! i no longer have to bear all the world's problems on my wafer-thin little shoulders. i know if that's the total end. i have a peace about casting lot on certain things that may come up in the future. if i repeatedly get 'no' them i might discontinue all such queries. i just sense that the 'no' received on the general question was an answer to prayer for guidance, for deliverance from the frenatia of the last eight months or so.
i am now wondering about the source of all that. the period was characterized by a marked lack of peace. my sense is that when there is a lack of peace there is unclear direction from God. if i was more mature spiritually i probably would have ceased all writing, all political activity and waited on the Lord. 'i wait for the Lord. my soul doth wait and in His word do i hope. my soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning, i say, more than they that watch for the morning!' this may be a favorite verse but it has yet to take hold as a part of my life. i am an action oriented, impetus person. hard to break ingrained patterns. the Lord seems to have given me eight months of anxiety in order to begin helping me to move away from 'what comes natural'. it is interesting that from time to time, 'fret not thyself because of evildoers' would come to me. my response was to pray that i wouldn't fret. it did not occur to ask the Lord, 'what about this fretting? it's obviously not Your will. what's going on? what's the block that seems to make it impossible not to fret? and wait for direction.
among a number of things i've been impressed by, the most powerful is the statement, 'do not resist him who does evil' (matthew 6:39) . as i meditated on that the first reaction was that it seemed absurd, especially when applied, say, to abortion. (by the way, as you perhaps are already well aware, not only am i a work in progress but so is my thinking as i seek to understand exactly what God is saying to me on particular issues.) ...here i am evidently instructed not only not to resist evil people but in not resisting seek to also bless them, if possible, in the process. it goes on in this vein when saying, 'if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. and whoever shall force you to go one mile, go with him two. give to him who asks of you and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you'. it comes to me that maybe one purpose of God in these 'insane' instructions might be to provide the world with an example of His miraculous power to totally provide, protect or release from this life the one who wholly trusts in Him.
but getting back to abortion or say, a government that steals private property with impunity..or..or..or. the list can seem very long these days to a person of my persuations about what is right and wrong....how do i understand isaiah 1.17 about defending the orphan etc. well, evidently i am instructed to defend the orphan as best i can without resisting..and, if possible, blessing, those who are responsible. wow. it still GRATES BADLY. but now i am becoming increasingly convinced that it grates my flesh and not the One who instructs me how to live. i am praying to truly submit myself completely to the One 'whose ways are higher than mine'... and i am experiencing genuine peace in a growing way as i leave injustice to Him who will judge. now i need to do all i can, or more accurately that which He desires, in the narrowed scope He allows me.
hope you have a good week. love, dad
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