11.15.09 LAST POST?

since it is becoming more common for people to come back out of retirement i decided to add the ?
this blogsite was started when i was in the midst of a fever over the dissolution of our government. the 'fame bug' bit me. in the guise of proposing to 'let other people know', i think a real motive has been to be known.
what are the things that, like night lights, attract away from focusing on the light of the world and letting His words be a lamp to the feet and a light to the path..attract away to destruction... well, the pursuit of fame, $, power, sex, etc. i guess they can all be summed up in the idea of seeking whatever the self desires.
today i am officially giving up (this part of) the desire to be known (remembered).
the ridiculous nature of this became especially apparent when a friend followed my son in becoming my second FOLLOWER! i was so enthralled with my VAST INFLUENCE...as i became aware of this putrid motivation..i think that was the beginning of the end. then there were other, i take them to be Holy Spirit, reminders that served to bring me to this point.

one was david's insistance on taking a census to see how many people he was over...this directly resulted in the death of 70,000 people. another was the verse that says that in the multitude of words there lacketh not sin. i have sinned many times because of the many words recorded on this blog. finally, a recent verse that has come to my attention is where paul says, 'for i will not presume to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished thru me, resulting in the obedience of the gentiles by word and deed..' this reminded me of how much-speaking-about-myself for any reason and in any way that does not lead a person to forget me and be drawn to Christ is a pretty empty pursuit...in all labor there is profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. may i become a man of few words and many quiet deeds.

11.01.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!

well, i have 58 minutes to tell you about 10 hours worth of stuff about last week...actually the last 10 days since it is actually now wednesday night 11.4.09..so i'll send you 58 minutes worth. i have entered the twilight zone as God brought me more work. i now have to paint the interior of 325 harleysville pike (route 113) so that the folks can be in before thanksgiving. this is the first big winter job i think i have ever had since being on my own. it came at the perfect time. the Lord gave me a week or so to get all the prep and priming done on all the pieces that will come back together to make up the porch. also scott, after a long absence, says he will be able to put it together saturday (the last 3-4 saturdays have been rainy, etc). so i guess i'll believe it when i see it. another blessing is that shirley, right at the perfect time offered me the former center railing that john had removed many years ago. the weather had aged it so that it, being a very detailed, difficult piece to prep, was relatively easy. i think it took about 20 man hours to get it down to bare wood and prime. it would have been impossible or would have taken a lot more time if it wasn't 'weather-prepared' perfectly. none of the wood was damaged but the paint kind of just fell off in scraping. i thank the Lord for His kindness to me. this is just one of oodles of little and big things He has given so graciously. so anyway this house will take everything i have and more to get done in time. once again i am relying on God but so greatful for the work He provided 'out of the blue'. He took away the work i thot i had in my back pocket and had someone who i don't even see anymore, but who had said that when they bought a house they wanted me to paint it, called to ask if i could do it. amazing thing..God's timing. He is so faithful. Lord help me not blaspheme You in my heart by doubting You will do what You have promised to do in Your word.

spanish is off the charts. i find it difficult to not spend an hour a day at it. it's like i'm in a zone. true i do love language but this seems to be sort of a God-thing..just sense that He wants this..but it could just be me. time will tell. am enjoying genesis. in a day or two i should be beginning chapter 7. church is good. i have very low expectations and i'm trying to be more like nee's maxim of not doing anything unless directed by the Lord. so far there are two things that have come strongly: offering to sand and prime all the bare, weathered, but in good shape old wood that covers the front of the building. God must mean it for spring because i'm not even close to having any time to do it now. the other is frankie cruz, the pastor's son. when i first came i saw his anglo wife and their two young children for a number of weeks but only saw him two times, once when the church had a birthday party for their little boy and the other when frankie came to men's sunday school class the next sunday. haven't seen him since but sunday night was finally given his phone number. if you pray, please pray for frankie. during that sunday school class he gave a long, what i take for a, testimony. it was punctuated by weeping. i was and remain deeply touched. 3 things come strongly. frankie may desperately need a friend. (that friend is Jesus, if he's lost sight of Him or never has met Him.) God is dealing with him and may have some special call upon him. God wants me to reach out to him. pray that i will do so. i have not a clue as to what to say or do.

every time i go to church i feel like i am running a gauntlet of overly friendly women. either i have delusions of grandeur, am crazy or there is something to it. i tried to grow as much white hair on my face as possible and it seemed to get worse. now i'm letting my hair grow out and never combing it. my looks are indescribable yet, unexplainably, the phenomenon continues to grow. sunday night going out thot i was in some kind of greeting line. (seriously, though, most all the people are very friendly.) i guess they think i'm some fat-cat gringo who will bring them into the land of milk and honey materially (what a shock reality WITH ME would be!) ..who knows..but it is draining when you know you can't marry nobody..and a bunch are pretty nice seemin'. God has me in this particular vise for some reason. may God help me and have mercy.

in spanish study for today came upon something interesting when i was looking at different words for 'fish'. PESCAR (to fish) MARIDO (a husband) is actually a phrase in spanish for, in english, 'land a husband'! the first language i've come across which accurately describes the process leading to matrimony. maybe spanish women are expert fishers..

came across this editorial in world mag (nov.7.09, p6). i will not get it typed but will start...

latest VIEW OF EVANGELICALS in barna survey:

ages 16 to 29 see us as: non-christians churchgoers
ANTI-HOMOSEXUAL 91% 80% JUDGMENTAL 87% 52%
HYPOCRITICAL 85% 47%
OLD-FASHIONED 78% 36%
TOO INVOLVED IN POLITICS 75% 50%
OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY 72% 32%
INSENSITIVE TO OTHERS 70% 28%
BORING 68% 27%
NOT ACCEPTING OF OTHER'S FAITHS 64% 39%
CONFUSING 61% 44%

..'if it's true that we evangelical christians have a pretty ugly reputation in today's culture-and the newest figures from the barna group suggest strongly that such is the case - then it's certainly appropriate to be asking with increasing urgency (my note: why?): whose fault is that? who's to blame for our bad press? (note: who cares what people think? the real ? is what does God think of me! i'll stop butting in.)
i spent several hours last weekend with barna's president..and he assures me that the numbers are accurate. and it's not just the pagan outsiders who are skeptical about us. we don't even see ourselves all that positively. our own children share with unbelievers some of the same questions about what they see as flaws in our character.
...self-serving and self-forgiving creatures that we are, our tendency is not just to overlook the foolish things we say and do that make the truth of God repulsive to people, but even to congratulate ourselves for being 'do faithful'. the reason people see me as judgmental, we tend to rationalize, is tha i am so diligent in my pursuit of God's truth. if the world hates you, we like to quote from Jesus Himself in john 15, know that it has hated Me before it hated you...
so i'm bold to suggest here that our default position shoud be an assumption that we are the guilty ones (and those criticizing are not?..sorry..) we're too often the ones whose offensive ways have made God's good news seem other than good. of course, we're anti-the-sin-of-homosexuality; the Bible couldn't be clearer on that issue (yea, but why are 'christians' known for that. how come we aren't known for being against, say, greed and adultery and other things we're up to our necks in) but then we have to examine our hearts and confess we're not very good at holding that perspective while also lovingly sharing God's truth with men and women caught up in such a lifestyle. (it's because few of us even know such people and if we do we stay away from them. you can't show love to someone you won't get near enough to talk to.)
yes there's a profound sense in which God's truth, even when sweetly portrayed, is an offense to many. and that recognition leaves us inching with great care across a very high tight wire - 'speaking the truth in love'. sadly, the history of..(sorry, i can't type out the rest. i started thinking this was an insightful article but while typing it i have come to think it gross. the whole answer is that CHRISTIANITY IS SHOT THROUGH WITH PHARISAISM AND IT STINKS TO HIGH HEAVEN...GROSS, GROSS, GROSS. i want to vomit at my self-righteousness and lack of caring squat about people.. God have mercy on me and all the rest who label themselves but don't match up...gotta go for now. hope you have a good week. love, dad

10.26.09 ROMAN CATHOLIC VS REFORMATION

THE THEOLOGICAL RESULTS OF THE PROTESTANT REFORMATION

one should specifically note the rediscovery of five critical biblical doctrines that had been obscured from public view by the medieval roman catholic church. the roman church still opposes these doctrines;

1. SOLA SCRIPTURA (scripture alone) the reformers were united in their belief that the Bible alone teaches all that is necessary for salvation and christian living (II pet. 1:1-4). they held the word of God to be the only standard by which men's consciences may be bound. rome, on the other hand, then and now, denies sola scriptura by elevating papal decrees and church tradition to wha they say are equal (but are in reality greater) positions of authority than that of the Bible. where the meaning of the Bible differs from the opinion of the pope or official doctrine (as is very often the case) the word of God plays a mute second fiddle.

2 SOLA GRATIA (by grace alone) the reformers understood that salvation is not a cooperative event carried out by God and man working in partnership. in salvation, sinners are rescued from God's wrath by His grace alone (titus 3.3-7). God's grace is His spontaneous and unmerited favor, granted to the spiritually dead and helpless sinner through the regenerating work of the Holy Spirit. God mercifully releases those whom He is saving from their own willful bondage to sin and thus enables them to repent and believe ( john 3.3; 6.44; rom. 8.6-8; 9.16). interestingly, this point of doctrine is disputed today also by evangelicals outside the roman church.

3. SOLA FIDE (through faith alone) 'justified' is the biblical term that describes a person as forgiven, not guilty, and perfectly righteous in God's sight. according to scripture, justification is bestowed on the sinner by grace alone through faith alone, 'not as a result of works, so that no one can boast' (eph. 2.8-9; gal. 2.16). according to official roman catholic teaching, however, using the word 'alone' after the word 'faith' will earn one a pronouncement of anathema (formal damnation). rome actually forbids you to believe or repeat what the Bible plainly states! they insist that while justification begins with faith, it can only be completed through the sinner's personal effort. in roman catholic theology, one may not say, 'therefore, HAVING BEEN justified by faith', or 'HAVING NOW BEEN justified by His blood' (the exact words of paul in rom. 5.1 and 5.9) according to rome, one may only believe that he is being justified - by faith plus words.

4. SOUS CHRISTUS (because of Christ alone) the reformers understood that the salvation of God's people was the work of Jesus Christ alone. His death was a sufficient and effective sacrifice for sin (heb. 9.12,26,28; 10.12,14). He is the only mediator between God and men (I tim. 2.5). only Christ's righteousness (not the sinner's personal righteousness) merits the believing sinner's justification (II cor. 5.21). rome, on the other hand, commands the performance of seven essential works of merit (sacraments) for justification. rome also insists that mary (not Jesus) is the dispenser of grace. while Rom denies that Christ's righteousness may be imputed to the believing sinner, mary is said to have vast amounts of excess righteousness which can be imputed to sinners. this form of blasphemy against the Son of God is bad enough, but it culminates in blasphemy against God the Father - the idolatry of mary worship. mary is praised as the 'co-redemptress' and 'co-mediatrix with Christ. rome even refers to her in some places as the savior of mankind, the one who commands God to save whom she will.

5. SOLI DEO GLORIA (for the glory of God alone). it is obvious that in roman catholic theology mary receives equal (if not greater) credit than God for the salvation of sinners. rome openly glorifies her. also, God is robbed of His glory by making the sinner the one who ultimately performs (via the sacrments) or suffers (via purgatory)his own way into heaven. but the Bible insists, and the reformers recognized, that God saves sinners by Himself. therefore He alone should receive all praise and glory. and the God of the Bible is a jealous God (ex. 20.5). He will not share His glory with another (isa. 42.8; 48.11).

so what was reformed (or recovered) during the reformation? in the final analysis, it was the gospel of God's grace.

10.25.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!

this week was spent meeting new people, getting to know my neighbors and prepping pieces that are slated to make up a reconstructed front porch. i thank God that i haven't quit. in fact one day this week i worked with a special 'vengeance'..a reminder of the way i used to work..and the thot came that that was the first time in memory that i worked on my own property in that fashion. may God give me a steady stream of diligence no matter what i am doing. i want to work just as hard on things i don't want to do as i do on those i do want to do. the pieces were in bad shape so the prep has been going slow but most now are scraped, sanded and primed. the weather has been beautiful and mild until friday at which point i went under cover of the barn. trying to take each day as from God.

i sense a society which is becoming ever more isolated. i sense that i need to do my little part in the face of this alienation of people. what comes is that my part is to set a goal to try to make eye contact however briefly and smile at every person i encounter. (a little sunbeam in the dark dank) practicing this out back this week produced two new neighbor acquaintances and dispensed a bit of warmth to a great number of people who are frozen in the 'stranger' mode. may God enable me to continue to do this for it is truly counter-cultural. sometimes you feel absolutely REPELLED away. may God help me keep joining eyes and keep smiling into dark , possibly very lonely, needy worlds even though most of the time i receive 'frost' back. He loves each one..

God continues to wean me away from trusting in and depending on anyone(thing) but Him. i think of how confidently i had put my trust in a person who has withdrawn and in the withdrawing i lost the EXPECTED completion of this year's pay. i was comforted this week by psalm 146 - 'put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help. his breath goeth forth, he returneth to his earth. in that very day his thots perish. happy is he that hath the God of jacob for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God: which made heaven and earth, the sea and all that therein is, which keepeth truth forever, which executeth judgment for the oppressed, which giveth food to the hungry. the Lord looseth the prisoners. the Lord openeth the eyes of the blind. the Lord raiseth them that are bowed down...'

these come to me as wonderful and create a sonrisa to You...'MANY, o Lord my God, ARE Thy wonderful works which Thou hast done, and THY THOTS TO US-WARD. they cannot be reckoned up in order unto Thee. if i would declare and speak of them, THEY ARE MORE THAN CAN BE NUMBERED'..psalm 40.5 another is, 'how precious are THY THOTS UNTO ME, o God! HOW GREAT IS THE SUM OF THEM! if i should count them, THEY ARE MORE THAN THE SAND; when i awake, i am still with Thee..wow, in a world where few thots are directed my way other than irritation, rancor, deceit-hypocrisy and hatred what a contrast! the Lover of my soul is thinking precious and good things about me..AND NONE OF THEM ARE true, but all of them are POSITIONALLY AND PROPHETICALLY TRUE! even though a miserable wretch yet He
1. chose me IN CHRIST, before the foundation of the world, that i should be holy and blameless before Him..
2. predestinated me to adoption as a son BY JESUS CHRIST to Himself..
3. He made me accepted IN THE BELOVED..
4. i have redemption THRU HIS BLOOD..
5. i have forgiveness of my sins according to the riches of HIS GRACE..
6. He made known to me the mystery of His will which He purposed IN HIM..(at the end of time all things will be summed up IN HIM..
7. IN HIM i have obtained an inheritance..
8. He is working all things after the counsel of His own will that i should be to the praise of His glory, who..trusted IN CHRIST..
9. i trusted IN HIM after i heard the word of truth, the gospel of my salvation..
10. i believed IN HIM..
11. i was sealed with the Holy Spirit, whom JESUS sent.
12. this Holy Spirit is the earnest of my inheritance until God redeems me, His purchased possession..
13. He has already made me alive together WITH HIM..
14. He has already raised me up WITH HIM..
15. He has already seated me in the heavenly places IN CHRIST JESUS..
16. He did all this so that in the coming ages He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in kindness to me IN CHRIST JESUS..
17. i am His workmanship..He created me IN CHRIST JESUS for good works which He ordained beforehand that i should walk in them..
18. now, IN CHRIST JESUS, i who was far off have been brought near BY THE BLOOD OF CHRIST..
19. HE is my peace..
20. He has reconciled me to Himself and every other person BY THE CROSS..
21. IN CHRIST i have boldness and access to God with confidence BY FAITH IN HIM..
22. He grants..the CHRIST may dwell in my heart by faith..that i may be able to comprehend..and know the love OF CHRIST..
23. to me He gives grace according to the measure of the gift OF CHRIST..
24. He enables me to speak the truth in love, thereby growing up into HIM in all things, even CHRIST...
well i've run out of time just trying to tell the reasons God is thinking good of me all the time and i didn't even get all the way thru ephesians..HOW PRECIOUS ARE YOUR THOTS TO ME OH LORD!!!!
have a good week. love, dad

10.19.09 AMERICA HEADED FOR POVERTY?

below are quotes from two governors of indiana. small print is current gov. mitch daniels, a conservative. large, former gov. evan bayh, a liberal. (as reported in world mag., 10.10,09, p6)

state govt finances are a wreck. the drop in tax receipts is the worst in half century. fewer than 10 states ended the last fiscal year with significant reserves, and three-fourths have deficits exceeding 10% of their budgets. only anemergency infusion of printed federal funny money is keeping most state boats afloat right now.
AMERICA IS ON AN UNSUSTAINABLE FISCAL PATH THAT THREATENS OUR FUTURE. CHANGING COURSE IS IMPERATIVE...
most governors i've talked to are so busy bailing that they haven't checked the long-range forecast. what the radar tells me is that we ain't seen nothing yet. what we are being hit by isn't a tropical storm that will come and go with sunshine soon to follow. it's much more likely that we're facing a near permanent reduction in state tax revenues that will require us to reduce the size and scope of our state govts. the time to prepare for this new reality is already at hand.
LAST MONTH THE OFFICE OF MANAGEMENT AND BUDGET PREDICTED THAT THE NATIONAL DEBT WILL INCREASE BY $9 TRILLION OVER THE NEXT DECADE - $2 TRILLION MORE THAN FORECAST JUST FOUR MONTHS EARLIER. GOVT NET INTEREST PAYMENTS EXCEED $1 TRILLION IN 2019, UP FROM $382 BILLION THIS YEAR. BECAUSE PROJECTED DEFICITS EXCEED PROFECTED ECONOMIC GROWTH, THE GAP WILL BE SELF-PERPETUATING.
the coming state govt reset will be particularly wrenching after the happy binge that preceded this last recession. during the last decade, states increased their spending by an average of 6% per year, gusting to 8% during 2007-8. much of the govt institutions built up in those years will now have to be dismantled.
THE CONSEQUENCES OF ALL THIS WILL NOT BE BENIGN. A WORLD SATURATED WITH U.S. CURRENCY WILL EVENTUALLY LOOK ELSEWHERE TO INVEST, CAUSING THE DOLLAR'S VALUE TO DROP. FOREIGN CREDITORS, THEIR CONFIDENCE SHAKEN BY OUR FISCAL PROFLIGACY, WILL DEMAND HIGHER PAYMENTS TO KEEP HOLDING OUR DEBT. THE NET EFFECT WILL BE 'STAGFLATION', THAT PERNICIOUS COMBINATION OF SLOWER GROWTH, HIGHER INFLATION AND INTEREST RATES, AND LOWER LIVING STANDARDS...
even if americans wanted to go back to their high spending, high borrowing ways, will anyone lend them the funds to spend like it's 2007 all over again? consumer credit will remain tighter as a matter of both sound business and new govt regulation. home equity appreciation is gone as a huge source of collateral, even if lenders were either willing or permitted to loan freely against it.
THESE EVENTS WILL DIMINISH OUR GLOBAL INFLUENCE, BECAUSE FISCAL STRENGTH IS ESSENTIAL TO DIPLOMATIC LEVERAGE, MILITARY MIGHT, AND NATIONAL SIGNIFICANCE. NO GREAT NATION CAN RELY UPON THE GENEROSITY OF STANGERS OR THE FORBEARANCE OF POTENTIAL ADVERSARIES TO MEET ITS SECURITY NEEDS. AMERICA IS DOING BOTH. CHINAA USES ITS MONETARY RESERVES TO CURRY FAVOR IN DEVELOPING COUNTRIES ONCE IN THE US SPHERE OF INFLUENCE; WE MUST BORROW TO PAY FOR THE WARS IN IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN.

what to do?
1. seek FIRST the kingdom of God and His righteousness.
2. do not be conceited
3. do not fix your hope on riches
4. fix your hope on God who richly supplies all things to enjoy
5. do good
6. be rich in good works
7. be generous
8. be ready to share
...and when you have that operating , then
1. reduce your living standard, by degrees, to poverty level...content with covering and simple, nourishing food.
2. pay off all debt.
3. become 100% self-sufficient
4. and barter for whatever you can't produce yourself

10.18.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!

SONRISA! i love the spanish word for smile. just saying it makes me warm and glowing all over. it acts as a Christ-talisman upon me...recalling His smile upon me...even on a dreary, cold, rainy day like today..even after over 2 days of this weather..even after i have abysmally sinned against Him again and again. GOD IS GOOD, is all i can say!

He has been teaching me to really BELIEVE what He says in I john 1.9..if we confess (say the same thing as) our sins (to Him), He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness...all i can say is that He is shrinking the horrid, toxic period that occurs between the moment i realize my sin against Him and the moment it is GONE! GOD IS GOOD! may i give myself wholly to Him.

this week got 3 hours of work and am out of work now with one possibility coming up. my loving, heavenly father is teaching me a much needed lesson in the area of counting-chickens-before-they-hatch, or, viewed another way, really depending on myself and/or other people while masquerading as one who depends completely on God alone. thot i had all the 09 hours to and average of 20 hr weekly in the bag and now find myself short by just over 300 hours with 2.5 months to go. for the last two years my work has largely faded in the winter months...so my spirit rejoices that this is an opportunity to DEPEND (lit. hang from!) God and receive what He deems good to send GOOD.

this week 25% of the miracle of 09 was completed. after years of sitting in the house in terrror as the sump pump operated continuously during heavy rain storms..cursing myself for being-'unable'-to-do-it, that is fix the stupid thing, i now sit through rain day and night hardly ever hearing the sump pump operate. mind you (God must be changing me..) i do not have my usual boasting/arrogant spirit that occurs just having completed X. no self-congratulation. just a tentative looking to God to somehow make up for any unnoticed shortcomings in the project and petitions that it might work effectively into the distant future. may this, i take it to be a, grace from God spread over my whole life. GOD IS GOOD.

windows need to be caulked up, as usual, to keep out the winter winds (ed, who is in kate's-mom's-eddie's front northern-facing bedroom, when asked if he wanted me to winterize the window, opted to still crack the streetside window at night! he wasn't kidding when he said he was a polar bear..i think i'm going to have to override this wish..). front porch needs to be prepped and painted (25%) and fence sanded and rust-reformed, painted and reestablished (25%) are next, by God's grace...then there's the real miracle..300 hrs work... one step at a time with You, Lord...WITH YOU.

the more i ponder circumcision, a thing that has never come into play for the vast, non-jewish part of the world's peoples, the more i am seeing that it could well be a type of code word for any bite-sized thing that we subtly, or not so subtly, put our trust in. one person may think that they are righteous if they do x, another if y, another if z...and on and on it goes throughout the world in a never-ending variety of various types of 'circumcisions' that we as people put our trust in. we are really making gods out of ourselves, putting ourselves before the God of the Bible by saying that what we say goes over what He says. how pitiful. how awful when humanity stands one by one before the great white throne and judges our lives. i see 'circumcision' in meticulously keeping one's car under 25 mph in a school slow zone or in wearing a suit and tie or...well, the varieties are endless..and so handy...we can make them small enough not to cramp our style and live the way we want, we can change them when they become too hard or circumstances change or...go to a certain building on sunday. may God have mercy on us all...all us self-righteousized people. Lord, not one of us can fool You, YOU ARE GOOD! THE JUDGMENTS OF THE LORD ARE TRUE AND RIGHTEOUS ALTOGETHER. more to be desired are they than gold, yea than much fine gold. sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. moreover by them is Thy servant warned..

last sunday pm the musico was SO LOUD at one point that my ears hurt...no, they literally hurt!!! the thot crossed my mind, is loudness-in-praise a 'circumcision' of sorts...heard of men but not of God? i know i have bowed at that altar many times...and will probably many more. am really enjoying spanish though and am getting used to the idea of being alone in the church. God seems to be subtly encouraging my heart with the fact the He alone is enough. anywhere with Jesus i can safely go..anywhere with Jesus i am not alone. the hearing of spanish is becoming clearer and am able to distinguish more words. speaking and reading are shooting forth their first green sprouts. GOD IS GOOD. i am enjoying the learning of the language and looking forward eagerly to when i can begin to make myself understood and understand in conversation.

i've written down nearly 300 words, mostly those which are not obvious to the english ie. car - caro etc. am hopeful to start grouping words by category as an aid to learning comprehension. either this is an indication of my love of language or God's moving me to learn/use spanish for Him..hopefully both. am now half way through genesis 3 and am beginning to be spoken to by the text for the first time. the first thing noticed that touched my heart was how the spanish 2nd person/familiar form, reserved for more intimate relationships such as family and friends, is used when God calls out to and speaks with adam and eve after they have chosen to disobey Him. the message to me is, You love us even when we are in our sin. how beautiful You are Lord. how beautiful and other-than-human Your love and patience. then this am came to where God speaks to the serpent after adam and eve shift the blame/shame of their disobedience down to him. 'she will wound your head and TU (familiar form as opposed to usted) will wound her heel'. He felt compassion for an animal who had become a willing accomplice of satan to bend all of God's creatures away from Him..staggering! i have seriously wondered if i will meet judas, hitler and others ,who none of us 'better' people would never expect to see in heaven, by the side of Jesus...the prostitutes and the tax-gatherers will come into the kingdom while you yourselves will be thrust out...

rummage sale this week: open-toe slippers that would 'accept' thick woolen socks!, small backpack to replace my rapidly dying one, 'dress' shoes (fuzzy sneakers) i really like, Bible ? (2500 of them) game for $3.50. went back on the $2 a bag sale and squeezed 4 pairs of dungarees (my last work pants will soon be in shreds), nice, soft bedtime shorts for hot weather..not to be seen by anyone..which have red flames shooting out of blackness and 'hot stuff' in red..the Lord and i know this is a lie..(perfect for hot, humid nights on the third floor), a real wood pull over, a ladle (at last, i've been asking for one for a long time...so many times i really can use one! the Lord is good!), 12 frozen food containers (the Lord has given me so many tiny yellow and orange tomatoes this year that i've almost used up all the ones i have!..just like He seemed to indicate in the spring when i wanted to pull out all the many, many plants that sprouted from last year's...'no, no..you'll need alot this coming winter..) and three books stuffed into the top of the bag that i need like a hole in the head...but, one never knows..maybe that is just what i need..maybe these will prove themselves useful. thank You, Lord.

tomorrow am i head up to the muslim day parade in nyc. it starts at 12:30am at 41st st. and works its way down madison avenue to 23rd st. with a food bazaar at the end. i go feeling like a little orphan in a howling sandstorm far from any human help. the Lord's comfort came this am during memorization time when i reached, in psalm 139, verse 17 'how precious also are Thy thots unto me, o God! how great is the sum of them! if i should count them, they are more in number than the sand; when i awake, i am still with Thee. in my lowness and fear He came quietly and said, 'stephen..take your thumb out - of - your - mouth, straighten up your backbone and...TAKE HOLD OF MY HAND.. I'll take you where I want you to go tomorrow. then when i was saying psalm 91 these words came, comfort-laden...
I am your refuge..
I..your fortress..
I will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
I will deliver you from the noisome pestilence
I will cover you with My feathers..
under my wings you will trust..
My truth shall be your shield and buckler..
you shall not be afraid for the terror by night..
nor for the arrow that flieth by day..
nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness..
nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday..
1000 shall fall at your side..
10,000.. at your right hand but it shall not come nigh you.
only with your eyes shall you behold and see the reward of the wicked
there shall no evil befall you..
neither shall any plague come nigh your dwelling (no state-mandated vaccinations?)
I will give my angels charge over you to keep you in all your ways..
they shall bear you up in their hands lest you dash your foot against a stone..
you shall tread upon the lion and adder
the young lion and the dragon shall you trample under foot
BECAUSE YOU HAVE SET YOUR LOVE UPON ME (Lord, i don't love You but will You help me to be obedient to You..)..
I will deliver you..
I will set you on high, because you have known My name.
you shall call upon Me and I will answer him.
I will deliver you
I will honor you
with long life (i should say! i'm never going to die!!!!) will I satisfy you..
I will show you My salvation.
..that's what the Lord will do. NOW FOR WHAT I MUST DO..
i will say of the Lord, He is my refuge..my fortress..my God..in Him will i TRUST.

just went up to the desk and asked my sweetheart, melanie, if, since there are few people here, if i could have a bit more time today (sorry to make you suffer! just press DELETE!..AND YOUR FREE....) and in her loving way (love is kind..the word means to make yourself useful to the beloved) she had 60! more minutes for me. i said with a wide, feeling-loved smile, 'melanie! i feel just now like little jack horner who stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plumb and said, 'WHAT A GOOD BOY AM I! (God and i know that's a lie..)..so i continue a bit..i have so much to say today!

then, this am when i was saying psalm 146 God, the third time, comforted me..'praise ye the Lord. praise the Lord, o my soul. while i live will i praise the Lord. i will sing praises unto my God while i have any being. (one cannot REALLY praise the Lord when they are in anyway looking to men for anything..) put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help. his breath goeth forth, he returneth to his earth. in that very day his thots perish. HAPPY is he that HATH the God of jacob for his HELP, whose HOPE is in the Lord his God..

at maria's house, where i am spanish-tutored, in the bathroom i discovered a long, written, framed thing that had a sort of tarnished glow. with her permission, i took the treasure home and polished a bit. this is the result..
I WILL NEVER AGAIN (RIGHTLY) THINK..
I CAN'T X ..for i can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me. phil. 4.13
I LACK X..for my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. phil.4.19
I FEAR X.. for God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind II tim. 1.7
I DON'T BELIEVE GOD..for God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. romans 12.3
I AM TOO WEAK..for the Lord is the strength of my life psalm 27.1
I AM OVERCOME BY SATAN..for greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world I john 4.4
I AM DEFEATED..for God..always causeth us to triumph in Christ II corinthians 2.14
I AM SICK-WITHOUT- A -CURE..for with his (Jesus') stripes we are healed. isaiah 53.5
I AM WITHOUT ANYONE TO CARE..for casting all your care upon Him for He carETH for you. I pet.5.7
I MUST SIN..for 'if you continue in My word..you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free...whoever committeth sin is the servant of sin..if the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed'. john 8.31-2, 34,36
I AM CONDEMNED/CURSED/DOOMED..for there is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. romans 8.28
I AM ALONE/ABANDONED.. for I will never leave nor forsake you. hebrews 13.5

gotta go. have a good week. love, dad

10.13.09 CAN TRUTH BE KNOWN?

the field of philosophy that deals with how we know is called epistemology. it is enough for our case to give evidence for the fact that we do know reality; it is not necessary at this point to fully explain how this occurs...the evidence below is not an answer to the ? how do we know? but rather, do we know?

first principles of knowledge
aristotle said that 'demonstration must be based on premises prior to and better known than the conclusion'.. aquinas..'anything whence something proceeds in any way we call a principle..a first principle does not signify priority in time, but origin'..james b. sullivan.. 'the most general judgements conceivable and the most evident, which presuppose no others in the same order for their proof, and are implicit in every judgement'...geisler..'the ultimate starting point from which all conclusions may be drawn in a given area of knowledge or reality. first principles are necessary constituents of all knowledge, but they do not supply any content of knowledge. there are as many of them as there are orders of knowledge and reality'..l.m. regis..'a first principle is..a first among firsts..first principles must therefore be understood to mean a group of judgements by which the intellect observes the existence of necessary bonds between several primary concepts, bonds that oblige it to identify them in affirmation or to separate them by negation'..they are self-evident and need no proof. they show themselves to be true...aquinas..'perfect knowledge requires certitude, and this is why we cannot be said to know unless we know what cannot be otherwise'..aristotle and aquinas make two assumptions..1. 'there exists a reality that is independent of the human mind, to which the mind can either conform or fail to conform. in other words, what we think does not create or in any way affect what we are thinking about. it is what it is, whether we think about it or not and regardless of what we think about it. 2. that this independent reality is completely determinate..(principle of contradiction)..nothing can both be and not be at the same time. anything which does exist cannot both have and not have a certain attribute at one and the same time'..

first principles- each is true in the area of *being (ontology) and applies to the area of #knowledge (epistemology)
1 IDENTITY (B IS B) - *a thing must be identical to itself. if it were not, then it would not be itself and #being is intelligible. if it were not we could not conceive of anything.
2 NONCONTRADICTION (B IS NOT NON-B) - *being cannot be nonbeing, for they are direct opposites..and opposites cannot be the same and #there are at least twways to express this principle: 1 it is impossible that contradictory statements be simultaneously true; 2 if one
1

10.11.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!

there's so much i want to share with you! alas i only have 1 hour and 55 minutes in which to do so. so, here goes..Lord, guide my thots.

even though i am a wicked saint yet You keep pouring out Your love on me. i am SO BLESSED! help me love you Lord.

first want to share a song by chris rice called 'thirsty'. it describes me, in spirit, exactly as far as desire goes. my prayer it will describe what i do/be not only what i desire to do/be.
i'm so thirsty, i can feel it
burnin' thru the furthest corners of my soul
deep desire, can't describe this
nameless urge that drives me somewhere
though i don't know where to go.

seems i've heard about a river from someone who's been
and they tell me once you reach it, oh you'll never thirst again
so i have to find the river. somehow my life depends on the river.

holy river, i'm so thirsty
other waters i've been drinkin'
but they always leave me empty like before
satisfaction - all i'm askin'
could i really be this thirsty if ther weren't something more?

I'M ON THE SHORE NOW (this is how i feel increasingly) of the wildest river
and i kneel and beg for mercy from the skiess
but no one answers -gotta take my chances
'cause somethin' deep inside me's cryin'
'THIS IS WHY YOU ARE ALIVE'

so i plunge into the river with all that i am
prayin' this will be the river where i'll never thirst again
I'M ABANDONED TO THE RIVER (this is where i want to LIVE!)
and now my life depends on the river
holy river
i'm so thirsty.

yesterday i came in here to try to get a spanish grammer (failed) and get a head start writing to you (failed). it's too long to explain what happened but approximately an hour of typing was lost. precious Jesus! ever since allentown, precious Jesus!, my heavenly father has been tightening the chain on me. oh how FURIOUSLY, HATEFULLY my flesh rages against Him. but the spirit knows instinctively that every painful lash He gives is exactly right. i huffed out of here yesterday ready, in flesh, to go into full scale rebellion and just DO WHAT I WANT! i got home and God worked it that scott was there working on the porch and the Lord kept me working until 9:30 pm, under the lights finishing up the priming of all the bare wood stuff scott had installed. by then He had gotten me over the worst of my rage and pout and He put me to bed pretty much without much rebellion, except for a bit of cursed bedtime gluttony... and we blame God for bad health without a thot about all our destructive habits!

all the pillars are installed and primed. who knows but shirley's porch (and mine!) may somehow be miraculously finished this fall. that would, weatherwise and otherwise (i need to work, is my thot anyway, for i am still 300+ hours short of the 1040 hrs for 09) , be a notable miracle. tomorrow i will finally get more sanding implements for the grinder and be able to keep plodding thru what seems another impossiblity..but at the same time i am sensing a strong need to try and get the water drain off from the house replaced and made free flowing (another miracle). i finish my last job tomorrow dv and so hope to start digging up and exposing the water system. Lord help me to trust You.

last week i came within a whisker of quitting like i always have done when i face doing things i don't want to do. instead i slogged thru mud up to my neck logging 9.5 hr work and about 20 at home. it is ugly-wretched Lord but thank You for that small victory.

the most urgent of many prayers lately are against gluttony, how to relate at mision evangelica, the-intense-desire-cum-action toward/to leave all my possessions behind and follow Jesus, lips that pour forth the goodness of God, EVERY DAY meditate on/thru 100 verses, satan be put to utter flight in bill's marriage now heading for divorce..reconciliation in Christ...Lord help me/us....

may have lost another friend. joan has been extremely friendly for a long time now. she does dangerous things like giving me her address and phone number on a piece of writing she did, dating a guy she is a total stranger to and then having to fight him off and things like that. in order to create a bit of distance i moved from the role of 'friend' to that of 'father figure' when she started to do some crazy things. she doesn't know Jesus and is certifiably 'boy crazy', a dangerous combination that leads millions of women, desperate to escape aloneness at all costs, to lives of unending misery. so i've been doing my little part. my message: YOU DON'T NEED A MAN, YOU NEED JESUS!!!!!!!! i've been encouraging her to read the gospel of john which she has no interest in. last week i gave her my first written message. it said, 'Jesus says, come to Me all you who labor and are heavy laden and i will give you rest. take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart and you shall have rest for your souls. for My yoke is easy and My burden is light.' she's fading fast. Jesus, rescue joan from spiralling down into unrelenting anger and bitterness toward men because she 'can't get one'.

me llamo es pebapadoodle froda pagan. translated 'my name is ...' paine, my surname, comes from 'pagan'. (this i found in some geneological writing on the family name) paganus is christian latin for a countryman, villager, rustic, civilian, non-militant as opposed to mIlEs (long vowels capped) for soldier, on of the army or heathen as opposed to christian or jewish. (tertullian, augustine) the christians called themselves mIletEs 'enrolled soldiers' of Christ, members of His militant church, and applied to non-christians the term applied by soldiers to all who were 'not enrolled in the army'. it is thot that outlying areas still had lingering ancient idolatry after christianity had been accepted in the roman empire. the etymology of the surname fits well for i am a wretched sinner, i am a pagan with all that is within me...and would totally abandon Christ and His church were it not for the mystery i experience of Christ dwelling within...the hope of glory.

frodo is the hobbit in tolkien's lord of the rings who by an action was God's instrument to bring great good and blessing to the world. this took the supreme effort of destroying what 'protected' him from danger...and he had to do it himself without any help from another. unnoticed and quietly living beneath the earth at bagend in the community of hobbits inhabiting the shire he went straight into the jaws of hell to accomplish the mission and returned a changed man. the surname is where i'm coming from, the middle name a dream, a vision of where i am going? as soon as i read, i sensed deeply that this was a calling of sorts. if it ever issues out and how it issues out remain in doubt.

when i was made a grandfather against my will (no one consulted me, at least) my thot was, ' i'll be ready for that in 30 to 40 years (the plan was, and still is, to sneak out of here early by God's grace... and thus escape) but You do say, in the vein of it being a blessing, '...yea, thou shalt see thy children's children and peace upon israel.' so i best not argue. but anyway they started asking me what i wanted to be called. i didn't have a clue. no name i had ever heard appealed to me. so they started calling me different names in the presence of the child but i, like zacharias, was dumb. then on the occasion of silas' first birthday party, while making his gift of three building blocks and ready to sign the last block, the muse came upon me and i knew my name was to be pepapadoodle...a little etymology. yankee doodle, a ditty song of at least 190 verses, was written by a british army surgeon, dr. richard schuckburg, during the 1750's. the occasion was the french and indian war when the american troops from new england joined the british general braddock in preparation for war. they were a motley crew in buckskins and furs and presented quite a contrast to the spit and polish of the british. it was a mock song. but with so many mocks in life, they can sometimes turn unexpectedly to mock the mocker. some 20 years later yankee doodle was played by the americans when the british surrendered at cornwallis ending the american revolution. my flesh has joined AND AIDED the world and the devil in laying my life waste. i am truly a fool and a miserable failure taken by any measurement...but God may have a last word...

the etymology of the first syllable pe is from pee of low and unnameable origin...at least in public. 'wee' is a cognate. truly, 'he who exalts himself will be humbled' is very descriptive of my experience.

finally bapa, the center, reveals the heart of the grandfather for the bairnie(s?). abba is the aramaic, i believe, word for God and is used in the new testament to describe the believer-to-God-the-Father relationship. abba is inscribed indelibly on our hearts as we relate to God. ba was gandhi's name in his older years and also used by my favorite uncle, hugh in the same time frame...but, after all this vain verbiage...really...what's in an earthly name. i wait for the new name God will give ..'to him that overcometh will I give to eat of the hidden manna and ill give him a white stone and in the stone a new name written which no man knoweth saving he that receiveth it' (rev . 2.17).

have a good week! love, dad

10.7.09 WHAT IS TRUTH?

TRUTH IS THAT WHICH CORRESPONDS TO REALITY OR REFLECTS REALITY-WHAT REALLY IS.

metaphysical truth is that which corresponds with reality or reflects reality - what really is. by correspondence we mean agreement with something, in this case a thot of statment about reality agrees with reality. by reality we mean that which is or exists.

subjectivism is where truth or reality is determined internally by the subject or person.

aristotle: truth relies on the actual existence of the thing which a thot/statement is about. ..'if there is a man, the statement whereby we say that there is a man is true, and reciprocaly - since if the statement whereby we say that there is a man is true, (then in reality) there is a man. and whereas the true statementis in no way the cause of the actual thing's existence, the actual thing does seem in some way the cause of the statement's being true: it is because the actual thing exists or does not the athe staement is called true or false.'

norman geisler: truth is what corresponds to its referent (the idea to which a word refers). truth about reality is what corresponds to the way things really are. truth is 'telling it like it is'. this correspondence applies to abstract realities as well as actual ones. ther are mathematical truths. there are also truths about ideas. in each case there is a reality, and truth accurately expressed it. falsehood, then, is what does not correspond. it tells it like it is not, misrepresenting the way things are...

relativism is the theory that 'there is no objective standard by which truth may be determined, so that truth varies with individuals and circumstances'. ..2 propositions: truth is not relative to space and time and truth is not relative to persons.

regarding the first the relativist would say that the statement, 'the pencil is to the left of the pad', is relative since it depends on which side of the desk you are standing. place is always relative to perspective, they say. but truth can be time bound as well. at one time, it was perfectly true to say, 'reagan is president', but one can hardly say that now. it was true at one time, but not now. the truth of such statements is irrevocably contingent on the time at which they are said'..but that perspective is understood in statements about space and time..'as regards time and place, the perspective of the speaker, temporal and spacial, is understood in the statement. for example, 'reagan is president', when said in 1986 is true and IT ALWAYS WILL BE TRUE. if someone uses the same words in 1990, then he is making a new and different truth claim, because the present tense is now four years removed from the context of the other statement. the spatial and temporal context of statements is an ingerent part of the context which determines the meaning of that assertion. however, if 'reagan is president' (said in 1986) is always true for everyone, everywhere, then it is an absolute truth. the same can be said about the pencil on the dest. the perspective of the speaker is understood as part of the context. it is an absolute truth.

truth not relative to persons..

'while rain is falling here, that rain is not synthesized existentially with 'not falling'. that is absolute. it is not relative to the observer...'

mortimer adler - the remark 'that may be true for you, but not for me is not mistaken but often misinterpreted. the misinterpretation 'arises from the failure to distinguish between the truth or falsity that inheres in a proposition or statement and the judgment that a person makes with regard to the truth/falsity of the statement in question. we may differ in our judgment about what is true, but that does not affect the truth of the matter itself'..the truth or falsity of a statement 'derives from its relation to the ascertainable facts, not from its relation to the judgments that human beings make'.. adler thus distinguishes between the objectivity of truth and subjectivity of judgment.

self-defeating nature of relativism..'either relativism is a genuine theory in which a real assertion is made or else it isn't. but any attempt to assert relativism without relying on just-plaine (absolute) truth would inevitably fail, because it would generate an infinite regress. and, of course, any assertion of relativism that does rely on just-plain (absolute) truth would be self-defeating. so it looks like any apparent assertion of relativism is either self-deeating or else is not a real assertion, but something more like an empty slogan.

the 'infinite regress' mentioned above 'occurs when the relativist claims that the theory of relativism is true. the theory is true either absolutely (for all people, at all times and all places or relatively. if the theory is true absolutely, then relativism is false for at least one truth is true absolutely. but if the theory is only relatively true, the ? must be asked, 'to whom is it true (relatively)? suppose it is true relative to some person named john. the relativist is then asserting that relativism is true for john. but is this claim (that relativism is true for john true absolutely or relatively? if absolutely, then relativism must be false; but if relatively, then relative to whom? relative to john? relative to someone else? suppose the claim that relativism is true for john is true relative to some other person named suzie. now the relativist will have to explain whether this truth is absolute or relative, and if the latter, for whom it is true. bnd by now the relativist is well on his way to nowhere. eventually, the person will either have to admit that at least one truth is absolutely true, in which case relativism is false, or else he will be unable to say what is really being asserted when he claims that relativism is true. so relativism is either self-defeating, and therefore false, or unassertable

if relativism were true, then the world would be full of contradictory conditions. for if something is true for me but false for you, then opposite conditions exist. for if i say 'there is milk in the refrigerator' and you day 'there is not any milk in the refrigerator' - and we both are right. then there must both be and not be milk in the refrigerator at the same time and in the same sense. but that is impossible. so, if truth were relative, then an impossible would be actual.

absolute truth is denied because of the desire to be accepted; to be 'with it', fashionable, avant garde; aversion to difficulty that adherence to the truth brings; the belief that the 'reality' of ever-changing evolution makes absolutes impossible; adverseness to anything that would judge and condemn them.

taken from mcdowell's 'evidence that demands a verdict'

10.7.09 WHAT ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTIONS AND WHO HAS THE ANSWERS?

4 BASIC QUESTIONS -
1.where did i come from?
2.what's my purpose?
3.why is there sin and suffering?
4. is redemption possible?

10.4.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!

Lord, You are so good. take me to be with You soon! and until You do help me use every second to love You.

this week was total chaos. as far as the fence is concerned i had constant blockages from a multitude of angles. i had originally planned to have the entire 100' or so of fence completely sanded and 'rust converted' by friday pm. as of that time i had a little less than two of the 18 sections sanded. the man who was going to fix the front porch has, for various reasons, not come yet. i keep moving all the posts out and then moving them back to the barn. God unexpectedly provided an about 24 hour job out of the blue which was completed. all that i had planned to do on 54 in other areas has not been accomplished. i'm grateful for the Lord's unexpected provision but the rest of work related things are in wreckage.

i have guidance to do certain things which are continually thwarted in a variety of ways. i remember nee saying that the Lord will give direction but then we need to wait on His time as to the completion of what He wants done. He seems to be really focusing on that area right now. He is taking a totally impetus person and changing him in this area from glory to glory even by the Lord the Spirit. my flesh is sooo bonkers but in spirit i rejoice in His patient recreation-in-His-image work within. everything seems to have a design factor: bring steve to utterly reject doing anything by his own power and, instead, make him absolutely depend (literally, hang from!) Me for EVERYTHING. the flesh absolutely hates and rebels against this and so the Lord has to work patiently...and painfully to make this change within. the spirit He gently nudges toward is a spirit of absolute joy in Him and praise and TRUST in the face of IMPOSSIBILITY. x is what I want you to do (read that 'this is what I will do...and i'll let you help)

the seven daily rocks (absolute essentials that nothing else pushes out of the way) continue to be another absolute battlefield. i am still far from 'bomb-proof' in the area of a rocklike commitment to make sure these are done no matter what else may be left undone. right now the fight is especially intense in the area of scripture memory/daily meditation (review) of 100 verses. i'm sure my enemy is not happy that ephesians 1 and II sam. 23.1-7 have just been added to the memorized passages. Lord, i cry to You. help me! give me a great love for Your word, to love to spend time listening to Your voice, to Your heart, to Your desires for me.

running has been another casualty along with up-at-5-and-down-at-10 sleep. the last two nights i have not gotten to bed before 1:30 am...i am rereading e.stanley jone's song of ascents for the third time (i think this is a second..i don't reread books)...and here once again about a man who under a lifelong crush of incredible activity/responsibility always stole away two times a day, no matter what was happening, to be with You and Your Word. i also think of psalm 127 where it talks about the incredible challenge of 'building a house' (ie. provision of needs and loving of spouse and raising of children) and there part of the dictum is 'it is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows (worry!) for so He gives His beloved sleep.' Lord! order my life by the template of Your word. the entrance of Your word giveth light...you shall know the truth (Thy word is truth!) and the truth shall set you free! i give my wreck of a week, my wreck of a self to You once again oh You who restoreth (again and again and again and again an...well you get the never-ending blessed picture!) my soul.

i am once again beginning to look at people in the eyes and smile..and if possible..to greet everyone i touch in any way.

had an 8 hour discussion with a brother this week surrounding this question: is it sin to fail to respond? he did not, as i feel, believe it to be sin. i kind of tried to distill the essence of, the nature of non-response to make my point. he expressed that no one had the right to compel another to respond. i'm not sure he ever 'heard' me but i made it as clear as i knew how that compulsion was not what i had in view by asking the ?.

i asked if he thot that there was ever a time when God did not respond to us when we called to Him. He says, in one of a myriad of ways, call to Me AND I WILL SHOW YOU great and mighty things which you know not. so, if God keeps His word the answer would be yes HE ALWAYS RESPONDS..yes, no, not yet. if He does and we are to be imitators of God as beloved children, i would assume that means that anyone who claims to be God's child would have in their heart to respond.

i shared that response, evidently considered a little thing by many, is indicative of bigger things AS VIEWED BY GOD. Jesus said, 'he who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much.. (lk.16.10) if we can think of the biggest thing we feel that God would want us to do for Him, that thing must include and have as a precursor responding. if i can't respond..meaning that i am in circumstances that make response impossible that is one thing. if i feel i can't currently respond or that i am not able to(will not) respond then i need to make that known.

i also began to, as it were, 'blow up' non-response so as to aid in the investigation of it's essential nature (ie. what does non-response mean when it is given and what does it do when it is experienced? where does it reside on the good-evil continuum for the average person) ala : it is easy to disregard living human beings being ripped to pieces when they are incapable of making any noticable response and when this is done behind walls and doors out of sight...it is increasingly difficult to disregard more and more public and personally identifiable shredding of human bodies ie. watching your child (or someone supremely near and dear to your heart) screaming in terror and pain as their body is similarly destroyed in one's presence.

i began with, would it be acceptable to you if a total stranger you just met refused to respond when you talked to them? how would that feel? what would you think? how about an acquaintance? a close friend? your child or another close relative? what about your wife? up to the last, amazingly, he was able to maintain his position that 'i do not have the right to compel or expect another to respond to me' but that position crumbled and he said that it would not be acceptable and he would then seek to address it with a view to removing it from the relationship.

we discussed other factors. there are definitely instances where lack of response is appropriate. proverbs says, 'do not answer a man ACCORDING TO HIS FOLLY..(why?) lest you be like him', but that is not the normal nature of the interactions we experience.

i'm open to learn more and to grow in this area. possibly i'm missing something. but i would say that, given the amount of non-response (let alone abusive, non-encouraging response) that i regularly experience among other people who would claim to be God's children that there is a deep and very toxic anti-relational element in relationship...again as i experience. i often think of the proverb that talks about the rich person having many friends but the poor man running after, thru lack of response, even the members of his own family...so that needs to be factored in in my situation since i have little or nothing to offer that is attractive under the sun. yet, to me, this is an absolute crisis. it is no surprise that there is so little real relationship if the basics of relationship are not even practiced. another indication of this ubiquitous cancer is indicated by the fact that, across the board, 99% of 'relationship' that i experience is either totally superficial or me focusing on (asking questions, listening to) 'the other' in the relationship.

i make matters worse by having the temerity to, in certain cases, challenge 'the other' about their lack of response. the near universal response to this is lack of any response! and i would assume, on the part of 'the other', a moving even further away from real relationship where there is an ongoing MUTUAL concern and response. i view the reality of genuine, mutually-nourishing/chreishing relationship largely from the perspective of jeremiah. it seems it would not take much to puncture and deflate the thin skin of public civility (ie. public hypocrisy) to reveal the monstrosity that lurks..ubiquitous..beneath. he says, 'o Lord, Thou hast deceived me and i was deceived; Thou hast overcome me and prevailed. i have become a laughingstock all day long. everyone mocks me. for each time i speak, i cry aloud, i proclaim violence and destruction, because for me the word of the Lord has resulted in reproach and derision all day long. but if i say, 'i will not remember Him or speak anymore in His name, then in my heart it becomes like a burning fire shut up in my bones and i am weary of holding it in and i cannot endure it. for i hav heard the whispering of many, 'terror on every side! denounce him; yes, let us denouce him!' all my trusted friends, watching for my fall, say; 'perhaps he will be deceived, so that we may prevail against him and take our revenge on him'. but the Lord is with me like a dread champion, therfore my persecutors will stumble and not prevail...' (20.7f)

my sense, possibly my congenital touch of paranoia, is that i do not dwell far from jeremiah's reality. were i to speak the truth in love more than i do, which is an inner compulsion i -to my shame - often supress, i would, in am convinced, live in his reality...there is only one person i do not consciously repond to immediately and that is doug, a man who now lives in a group home but who lived at 54 for 10 months. the distinct thot occurred to me a while back that i was treating him like i am so often treated. i decided to stop my lack of response for even though, to my perspective, calls to no real purpose and says trite, inane, ludicrous things...he is a mirror of how i evidently am perceived by others who i contact. God responds to me carefully, attentively, immediately..He ratchets it up! He is constantly with me, knowing everything about me. His thots toward me are multitudinous. how can i do less than respond to a fellow-inmate in this insane asylum called earth? all he seeks is at least a drop of water (to hear something beside the echo of his own voice) in this scorching desert we all trod.

it is monday evening. i have just typed for an hour finishing thots on response, above. today i got up and realized i had 'hit the wall' again and so have spent the day largely comatose, at the reading level. may You help me talk to You constantly did to Your father when You were here, in the constant press of need and ministry. this related thot from john wesley, i believe..be diligent. never be unemployed. never be triflingly employed. never trifle away time. never spend any more time at any one place than is strictly necessary.

in the paraphrased words of james taylor i am a hunk of steamin' junk and yet somehow You love me! thank You for Your love, Lord..so faithful and true.

am reading thru genesis in spanish and found a beauty in 1.18..that the sun, moon and stars were to sAnyOrer (a cognate of senor-mister..really master) over the day and the night. as i contemplated that along side of the spanish word used for 'Lord" (senor) it was a beautiful picture of the length and breadth, the bestowing nature of lordship. there's nothing gonna happen when all the lights go out, the breadth of lordship..the lights, on, bestow so much of what constitutes life. Lordship's giving and essentiality, in this picture, seem to almost cause Lordship's control and direction and command...just a very nourishing picture/truth to chew on.

sunday decided to pray in spanish during my quiet time. not as difficult as i had thot and a very real and special time of speaking to the Lord. so far i have written over 100 words in my little dictionary and i only write things that are new to me so i'm enthused so far to be inching forward in my understanding of spanish. my profesora and i locked horns on friday but had a very good session over all.

this week was led to examine whether or not i really am believing the promises of God. do i really believe that when i admit a wrong thot, word, deed, do i really believe (ie. experience) that You have forgiven and cleansed me from all unrighteousness.

the things i witness, and especially last week witnessed, in the slow-down-to-15-mph-as-you-pass-the-front-of-the-school zone are of the normal tragicomedy we call life here on earth. i won't get started but simply refer to an article by janiebchenny (or something like that) in the 9.26.09 edition of world mag where she posits what i have thot - that children these days are gods, that women especially have a virulent infection of this particular disease and that it, in part, is a direct result of the massive, one-third-of-a-generation abortions that have been chosen to tidy-up and enhance millions of women's lives. the zone out front is one of the places of worship of those who have survived.

9.27.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!

God says you have not because you ask not. going on His word, yesterday it came to me to just ask around at mision evangelica if anyone had an old Bible i could have. i have been using a spanish-english new testament/psalms/proverbs that seems to be modeled on the niv whereas they all read publicly and teach/preach from a spanish Bible modeled on the kjv (la reina-valera, 1960). after men's sunday school today i was asking several of the guy whether they knew of anyone that had an old copy of the Bible they use when a young man named howard, say 13 yrs old, who was standing by me stuck his Bible in front of me and said, 'you can have mine, i have another (a study Bible). how kind!! i am praying about how the Lord would have me respond.

today we sang a number of old songs i sang a long time ago. how sweet they were! the man who led today did not hurry them but sang them more slowly and clearly...and i was able to actually find them, with some help, and sing along! there was a sweet presence of the Lord in worship today. great. they were talking in sunday school about how the church started with puerto ricans but now have people from 12 different spanish-speaking countries..guess, if i stay, i'll be lucky 13! they also were talking about the berean believers in acts 17 who searched the scriptures to see if the things that Paul said were so. great time!

my first spanish lesson went very well. in the initial excitement i am already done my homework. one assignment was to write 5-10 sentences using the vocabulary learned. here they are with vocabulary capped:
1. yo soy un ESTUDIANTE de la Biblia.
2. yo no TENGO ninguno AMIGO EXCEPTO Jesus.
3. la Biblia es la lampara a mis pies y la luz a mi camino.
4. you QUIERO poner mucho en el BANCO del cielo.
5. como el MOTOR es necesario al AUTOMOVIL, tan el Espiritu Santo es necesario al hombre.
6. la FRUTA del Espiritu Santo es amor, alegria, paz, paciencia, amabilidad, bondad, fidelidad, humilidad y domino propio.
7. mis pecados son el ELEFANTE en mi armario.
8. cuando estoy recibiendo un regalo, yo soy ESTUPIDO intendar comprarlo; cuando estoy recibiendo la vida eterna, yo soy estupido intendar comprarlo.
9. yo quiero comprar una BICICLETA electrica.
10. !(pretend this exclamation is upside down since i don't have a spanish computer) que tengo siempre un AMOR sin hipocresia!
at mision i am starting a dictionary of words i have to look up, whether from something spoken or written there, while i am trying to listen intently to get a better ear. when we read scripture together they leave me quickly behind. toward the end i decided to focus on reading correctly (more slowly and quietly). Lord may You enable me to learn and use this for You..i have heard that within 10-15 years more than 50 % of people here will be from spanish-speaking countries.

finished reading the life of corrie ten boom which jen had lent. was going to return it but was pulled back and glad i did. here is yet another i have discovered that lived totally by faith and just pursued relentlessly what You called her to. Lord, help me follow You! help me trust You to provide.

this week decided to put off 'for pay' work and work at 54. by thursday pm the Lord helped me to totally unearth the iron fence between grieser's and 54 and to scrape the paint off the pillars loren gave for the front porch. at that point i had nearly 40 hours in, had had a much more difficult time with the fence than i had imagined (typical) and had been fighting a virulent patch of poison ivy on both hands and arms for more than a week. even with many scalding hot water-fels naptha soap treatments they show no sign of religuishing their hold. probably the worst i've ever had. next time i see poison ivy starting in an area adjacent to any area i have anything to do with i plan to keep attacking it incessantly until it is gone!!!!

friday went into my 'throw in the towel' mode and hunkered down to read ten boom and inside the (islamic) revolution. i am still on the latter, a 500+ pg book, in the part explaining about the radicals. it is only by God's grace we are not, already, totally destroyed. i keep finding myself saying, steve, what are you doing messing around with 54 when the sky is falling? oh Lord, help me see through 54 to the bitter end for i know it is a test You have set for me to pass. if i'm not faithful in the little things then there's no use doing anything else. i must habitually take care of the basic responsibilities of life no matter how small and insignificant they may appear. o Lord help me work out my own salvation with fear and trembling! help me to get back into the harness tomorrow am repeating the mantra I CAN DO ALL THINGS THRU HIM WHO STRENGTHENS ME. help me finish prepping, priming and painting the fence and porch pieces and put the new water drainage system in. send good weather in Your will oh Lord..... reading inside also MOVES me TO focus more than ever on MEMORIZE THE BIBLE. what we have hid of it in our hearts will be spiritual SUSTENANCE when all around crumbles away. help me hide Your word in my heart so that i might not sin against You Lord.

the renters: ed went to the pennsylvania eye associates in harrisburg to get a second opinion on his eyes. the prognosis he had received, it seems was quite defective. at this place only doctors deal with patients and the doctor who will do the surgery is the last to meet with the patient. a great number of diagnostic tests were done and it turns out that he has rapidly advancing cateracts in both eyes and needs correction for astigmatism. the process took 4.5 hours. he is exceedingly pleased with the care he received and will have the first eye operated on on tuesday and the second eye a week later. so friday he left for home in mechanicsburg not to return for 2.5 weeks. i hope to reach him tuesday pm to see how he's doing. bill and his wife are getting a bit closer.. maybe, so we continue to pray that God will restore their marriage and family (they have 5 children). currently his wife is still talking about divorce and she begins work in new jersey tomorrow. do a good work in them Lord, and help them to both seek You with all their hearts. i am believing You for a miracle of grace.

this week kyle, the kindergartener from next store, and i played volleyball over the fence as we are wont to do. he even helped me a bit on the fence. i am telling him about You Lord. give me the words to say that You will be his all in all. it's precious to my heart to see how he wants to spend time with me. Lord, its absolutely amazing the grace You have poured out on our family. i never spent time with my children, like i am doing a bit now with kyle and yet they haven't totally abandoned me which would be exactly what i deserve for abandoning them when they needed a father the most. thank You Lord for Your mercy. help me to be present for them. help me to be always ready to 'be there' if they need me. bless kyle and my little ones with a heart given over to You...

rejoice, i was reminded this am, is a command that is repeated 72 times in the new testament. the thot came that the commands to FEAR NOT and REJOICE are simese twins for if You are enough (rejoice) then i have nothing to fear. love, dad

9.26.09 MYSTICISM

westminster abbey in london is one of the few places in the world that doien'disappoint. the man part of wetminster is the cathedral: an enormous, basilica-stle monastery of gothic architecture that leaves one with a breathtaking vision of the height and depth of, if not God at least of the worshipers' concept of God. with the sheer amount of space between the floor and soaring vaults, from the back of the nave to the altar, as well as the complicated artistry on every wall and window, you find yourself awed by everything that speaks of the unimaginable greatness of God. you have a peculiar sense that God is very present and yet not altogether accessible. this is not an unpleasnt experience; on the contrary, you realize that your idea of God has probably been domesticated and confined.

we might refer to such an experience as mystical, although the term is commonly associated in the western mind with something that is highly subjective and meant for only the few. thisis..a stunted definition. in ancient christian theologuy, mystical refers to the wonder of the christian story, the fulfilling of the Father's plan of redemption in Christ, which paul refers to as the 'mystery' I tim 3.16..

ambrose of milan, the 4th century bishop, declared that our very faith 'is the mystery of the trinity', as is the Lord's supper and ..baptism..john cassian taught that scripture too contains the mystery in the form of words, which describe the works of God that are disclosed to human minds only by grace. because God Himself in mystery, we should expect to find throughout the divine text depths and hidden realities that exceed our knowledge. none of these mysteries should be regarded as problems. the distance between creature and Creator is not something to be overcome or removed as if it were an obstacle to growth in the christian life...like many important points of theology, the knowledge of God and the unknowable God have produced a balancing act that historic christianity has sought to preserve. as a result , christianity has struggled since the 3rd century to avoid what (is)...called a 'tyranny of epistemology' in its understanding of God and God's revelation to us. simply put, this tyranny occurs when christians think of God as a great field of investigation, a problem to be solved..

in a fascinating , little-known book..the life of moses (commentary on exodus 1-20), gregory of nyssa attempts to present an anatomy of christian spirituality which he says is a movement from light to darkenss...he was very aware of those in his day who claimed to have a rational knowldege of God that violated the very essence of God. such people asserted that if you know descriptions for God's essence, you could intellectually grasp the being of the divine. in respone, gregory wrote, 'how can our mind, whic always operated on a dimensional image, comprehend a nature that has no dimension?' .. as moses went through stages in his ascent to God, so must we. the first stage..'the way of light'..involves our detachment from the love of things and the purification of the soul..'blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God'. only by purifying ourselves can we become recipients of divine knowledge..we would do well to think of acquiring knowledge about God not through purely rational means, as protestants are wont to do, but by making ourselves a worthy receptacle that can hold such knowledge..second stage is illumination, characterized by an awareness of moving from the sensible to invisible realities. in gregorys progression..this is tha stage of moses' journey in which he entering the cloud..the cloud blocks all outward appearances, compelling and accustoming the sould to look within. here we find the image of God and thereby a knowledge of God. .we must not confuse this knowledge of God with knowledge of God as he is. there is only an awareness of God's presence..the third stage ..depicts moses entering the darkness and seeing God in it..moses approached the thick darkness where God was....john 1.18 states, 'no one has ever seen God'..this darkness expresses that the divine nature remains inaccessible because god is infinite..it should be obvious, then , that no finite mind can plumb the depths of God..gregory puts it, 'how can one arrive at the boundary sought for when there is no boundary?' this is the kind of effect westminster abbey can hav..here is whaer gregory..makes his most noteworthy contribution to christian theology: that the christian life must first be defined by seeking God without end and 'that true satisfaction of the soul's desire consists in constantly going on with this quest and never ceasing in the ascent to God'. this is a joyful conclusion, since it ensures that one can always progess in holiness because spiritual progress is on of infinite growth. for the platonist, all change is regarded as a defect ofr loss; in gregory's system, the process of changing may be redeemed by perpetual growth in the good. it is this sort of movement that describes our transformation 'from one degree of glory to another II cor 3.18 esv. however much the christian is transformed into the likeness of God, God remains ever beyond, so that the sould must always push forward in anticipation in this life and in the one to come.

we must pursue the viruous life. it begins by emulating those whom God has used to fufill His purposes of good. this notion dates back to plato and plutarch, who wrote of the many lives of great men worthy of admiration and imitation. in this same vein, the roman stoic philosoqher seneca wrote, 'plato, aristotle, and the whole throng of sages..derived more benefiet from the character of socrates than from his words'. a similar emphasis is found in the Bible job (patience)..abraham (faith..Jesus..go and DO likewise..and paul..'be imitators of me'

you can't teach virtue by means of words (note: what about 'the things you have learned and received and HEARD and seen in me, practice these things..phil. 4.9)..5th century..palladius..'teaching consists of virtuous acts of conduct: cheerfulness, courageousness, bravery, goodness..which generates words like a flame of fire'...mystical understanding works like this: it's always a mixture of knowledge and ignorance, possession and quest, immanence and transcendence...what we discover in the end is that the intellect by itself can never lead anyone to the virtues of the soul...protestantism..built on a gnostic scheme of a knowledge that saves (?!)..the sermon, not the liturgy is central.

9.24.09 COLLEGE? EDUCATION? CALLING?

i went to college because both my parents went to college. i went to college to escape the draft. (i do not believe in giving my life in a war that is waged on a no-win basis. if there is evil, deal with it and get out.) i went to college to experience life, to be a brand new person (to bad i brought myself along!) and, oh...what shall i study...i like history. that will be my major. i am interested in understanding government. political science will be my minor. so there i was where my dad, one of the places where my dad, went. there i pursued pleasure, stayed up all night many night, learned i was a sinner (that was valuable!!!) and basically did what i wanted and read what i wanted, etc. i did not go to college to get a job.

for a number of years after college i bounced in and out of school. i was the quintessential professional student. in fact, for many septembers after college was over i had an almost palpable experience of lusting for the academic environment once again. i went to seminary and got an m.div. i was very samsonesque, a powerful (toxic) combination of flesh and spirit. i was too proud and arrogant to listen to anyone else, to seek counsel, to study wise models of human or ministerial conduct. i was wiser than all! so as quickly as i was in the ministry, i was out on my ear with a tremendous amount of bad effects on my family. i was a ship without a sail..away from God's calling with crying family needs. to lose myself i became a workaholic drifting further from everyone inwardly, bitter i had lost the deepest meaning i felt life had.

then in the vain attempt to mollify my wife's desire that i rise above low employment, i went back to school once again and got an m.ed along with teaching certification for elementary school. i didn't like the politics of public education and, in my mind, could not afford the salary of private education and so continued on the course of low employment ie. non-(so-called)professional. obviously most of my problems in the employment world are a result of my hard-headed obfuscation, but in all the darkness the single candle was a bone-deep love of working with my hands. as we humans are in many areas due to heredity/environment i am an odd combination of what i saw in my father (scholar, book-worm) and mother (working with hands) and i would have to say that the latter won out. in another life i could love doing nothing but studying the Word to first practice it myself and then to teach it to others. that would be highest. i could also love to do nothing but study other subjects of love (etymology tops a long, long list of such loves) and to live and then communicate that knowledge in such a way as to enrich the lives of others and the world in which they live. but in this life those choices are closed...and besides I LOVE TO WORK WITH MY HANDS. i would have saved a lot of time, effort and money if i had understood that early on and just found what i love to do, in that area, and do it in such a way as to show God and bless others.

when our children approached college i encouraged them to consider learning a trade. they all went to college. on both my wife's and my side most every person was a college graduate so they would have been bucking hard against the tide..and i think college was good for them generally. none of them seem to have a passion for working with their hands so it's good they went.

my parents never said a word to me about going to college. when nothing was done i had the opportunity to step up to the plate and made the decision to go on my own for the reasons stated above. i filled out all the paperwork myself. like the little red hen, i did everything myself. i wanted it. i knew that if i went it was all on me and i accepted that responsibility. the summer before leaving i bought the first new clothes i had ever owned with my own money. when i was leaving mom made me a big lunch to take in the car full of her out-of-this-world egg salad sandwiches, tastycakes, chocolate milk and other food items she knew i loved. i felt like a millionaire! that was the extent of my parents' financial support. they sent me a strong message. WE HAVE FAITH IN YOU. Y O U C A N D O I T ! how secure i felt in their love for and confidence in me. i became a man.

so when our children were approaching college, even though i had sinfully ceded all 'authority' to my wife, i was still able to exercise a sort of negative authority when i told them two things: it's all on you, stay completely out of debt. the influence of my wife brought as much aid $ in as possible as well as supply of needs..good and bad possibly in its ways..but my message caused our children to hate me..i'm not sure if that has yet turned the corner. it's what i would do all over again.

college, when not true to the Bible, can, apart from the grace of God, have a noticeable deleterious effect on the faith once for all delivered to the saints. my children, having an absent father, were at risk, and there are numerous parental failures, not to speak of evil outside influences and of fleshly aberrations, that can contribute to a toxic abandonment of childhood faith. one EXPECTS such at secular schools but it is an unexpected blow coming in the context of a college advertised as 'christian.

well, i've vented my spleen alittle on the subject and now a more or less quote from world magazine, (7.18.09, p28)..'as i've written before, higher education seems to have been oversold and a glut of grads are taking jobs they could have learned fresh out of high school. but the corollary is a developing shortage of skilled labor. these days, the board certification, not the diploma, may be the surest way to a good living. matthew crawford holds a phd. in political philosophy from the unive. of chicago. he's also a motorcycle mechanic in his own shop. in terms of personal satisfaction and intelledtual challenge, there's no contest between this job and his previous one as director of a washington think tank - reflections on which led him to write 'shop class as soulcraft: an inquiry into the value of work. if you're in the market for power tools, crawford says, surplus stores are overstocked with equipment from high school shop classes. these were largely dismantled in the 90s because of the supposed opportunities for 'knowledge workers' : processors, analysts, visionaries. the notion that not everyone is cut out for 'knowledge work' seems to have escaped the writers of articles titled 'preparing kids for high-tech and the global future'. there's also the troublesome question that if the wiring in the computer lab is faulty, who's going to fix it? crawford argues that there's a high cost to denigrating manual labor, both to society and to individuals. the ideal of education in the computer age is 'indeterminate' human beings, celebrated more for potential than achievement. training in a particular skill locks us in, ties us down. far better, the thinking goes, to lurk on the cutting edge of possibility. cut in the real world, people take pride in specifics. most of us are not mavericks or visionaries; most, in fact, are suited to certain kinds of work and not others how many potential crack mechanics are diverted into mediocre accountants by cheerleaders for the information age? further, in an increasingly specialized society, we find ourselves disoriented and powerless. the model T used to come with a toolbox so the motorist could make basic repai4rs himself. but today he may need a special screwdriver, not locally available, just to open the obelisk-like casing over the motor block. the assembly-line worker of today is the office drudge, shepherding information to no discernable purpose to earn the money to buy vehicles and appliances he can't even do routine maintenance on. crawford suspects we weren't made for such disengagement. he sees a correlation between the brain and the hands; there was more thinking going on in the bike shop than the think tank. the psalmist discerned a similar truth when he wrote 'establish the work of our hands'. paul's admonition to the thessalonians to live quietly and work with their hands is not merely a way to keep out of trouble. he modeled the advice, an educated man who knew and applied a manual trade. there is no such thing as a 'virtual human'. just as the cyber-world requires immense scaffolding of skilled labor, so we need practical skills to connect with our society and ourselves. by all means, train the mind. but don't desparage the work of your hands.'

post notes..i have learned and forgotten much. with each passing day it seems my mind and memory become more and more tenuous. i recent times i have thot of the vast amount of time i have spent accumulating knowledge to satisfy my own lust for it and to make it an ego-building/enhancing idol...and now it has/is turning to dust. it has come to my mind to seek to spend time only on what i can directly use for God in order to know Him better or to show who He is more clearly.. a perspective i wish i had had when i was 10.

also, when education or any activity/pursuit in life is for gaining $/worldly possessions for self it is defacto totally empty and meaningless. only when it is just a means to the goal of glorifying God and blessing others does it bring satisfaction and take on real living power.
also

9.21.09 WHY IS PRO-CHOICE PREVAILING?

to the editor:

in response to dinesh d'souza's article 'sex, lies and abortion' (ct 9.09, p.78) in which he concludes that the pro-life movement 'must take into account the larger cultural context of the sexual revolution that invisibly but surely sustains the triumphant advocates of abortion', i think that while on the right track he stops short of spelling out the central principle involved.

men and women, all being sinners, each have a supreme temptation. men are tempted to substitute (read that 'pursue') sex for the self-denying rigors of genuine/sacrificial friendship and relationship in marriage. women are tempted to substitute control for the self denying rigor of honoring and following the lead of a husband.

as a result of the sexual revolution both men and women have been used and taken advantage by the opposite gender which has resulted in a general abandonment of God's commands to love (men) and obey (women). this could have played out either way. the way it has played out is that women have become gods and have society has bowed down. israel's syncretism of worshipping jehovah AND various other gods at the same time is repeated in america today. no one dares to 'take charge' in any area without the tacit consent of women. consider how adult males are portrayed in the media. consider what would happen if a man, let alone all men, was responsible, because of choice, for the dismemberment and slaughter of his child. women are at the top of the pantheon of 'other gods' in america. they are confident their will, if they really want it, will never be effectively challenged. thus the 'perplexing' phenomenon of the greatest genecide in world history. stephen paine

9.20.09 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!

just learned that if i don't save a post that i lose it. DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! had come in yesterday to get an early start on the weekly e to you because was expecting company this afternoon. but an angry husband's call, i am supposing.. who had not been previously consulted by his wife as to his availability, cancelled that. so i arrived here ready to build on what was typed yesterday only to find it went to computer heaven...or depending on your view will be reincarnated as a grimy grocery list that is being run over by feet and shopping carts or the pith of some kind of world-changing declaration of independence..private or public i don't have a clue...but i'm bummed and of such a poor memory that i don't have much of a clue what was written. just as well. IN THE SOVEREIGNTY OF MY GOD IT WAS NEVER INTENDED TO BE READ.

so we blithely go on. this week got a marriage offer from a woman in phoenix via a missionary friend (?) in india. pass. just got an invitation to indian valley mennonite from christine via blog comment. pass. little does anyone know how deeply i am committed to mision evangelica...

work this week was 6.5 hours so i think last week's 18.6 hr weekly avg. ytd will be a high water mark...who knows, possibly for the year. i am very interested to see how close God comes to providing 20 hr a week for the year. (i'm believing He will be right on the mark!) Lord, You have rightly rebuked me for my presumption. all work i thot i had has vanished and here i thot i would blast thru it all and be done in early november for the year. You say, steve, you know I have been schooling you to GO STEP BY STEP DEPENDING ON ME FOR EVERYTHING and presuming nothing. remember, apart from Me you can do nothing...so my precious Lord keeps disciplining me. I FEEL SO SECURE IN YOUR DISCIPLINE and management of my life. i am excited to once again DEPEND on You and not myself, Lord. what a poor substitute self or any other self or thing is for You! all else fails 100% of the time and the only reason i don't think so is because i'm blind. oh Lord open Thou my eyes to see You and Your truth...i was a wandering sheep. keep me from going back.

my lifelong fight against working on my house (or doing anything that i don't want to do) may be in the process of being shattered by the Lord. He has raised up scott to fix the front porch, put the gutters back on the house and install new spouting, ben to assist me in resetting the iron fence..and because of this and shirley, nex door, requesting me to paint her porch i am forced to work like crazy for the next few weeks to keep ahead of everything and get everything done before cold weather..Lord, i'm sensing somehow 2010 is going to be the year of the bamboo (in covey's 'seven habits of highly effective persons' he shares that change in a person is somewhat like a bamboo plant which for a number of years stays the same size and then in one season bolts to 50, was it, 60 feet high. i don't know if he's onto something. but that paradigm-changing illustration was always something i longed to experience. i because of my many and great sins against God have experienced what psalm 107 says. on the one hand there is God..as i have experienced You..and the desired response to Your ongoing mercy and grace and goodness..'oh that men would praise the Lord for His goodness and for His wonderful works to the children of men, for He satisfieth the longing soul and filleth the hungry sould with goodness'...that's You with me. now for my response to You, in the context of Your discipline on me for my sins..'such as sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, being bound in affliction and iron because they rebelled against the words of God and contemned the counsel of the Most High. therefore He brought down their heart with labor..they fell down and there was none to help'. that's where i live Lord. but Lord You were anointed to bring good news to the afflicted..to bind up the broken-hearted..to proclaim liberty to captives and freedom to prisoners...Lord, that's me. hear my cry Lord for You have broken the gates of brass and cut the bars of iron in sunder..cut the bars that hold me back from surrender 100% to You. Oh Lord, hear my cry and set me free......so hopefully i will be able to report THE YEAR OF THE BAMBOO..SET FREE IN CHRIST TO GIVE ALL TO CHRIST AND FOR CHRIST THRU CHRIST.

my father used to eat a big tablespoon of petroleum jelly everyday. told a story of a man who worked on big machinery at the heads of oil wells where this would collect on the gears or something and accidentally (read, providentially) discovered its wonderful medicinal properties. just bought some but like everything else they have messed it up..nothing like the old stuff.

would love to share an article on mysticism in ct (9.09, p47) but for lack of time must share this am with you. got up at 5 (by the way, i'm going to jinx myself but i'm on a roll of 10 consecutive to-bed-at-10-up-at-5...two of my seven daily rocks...I'M SO EXCITED...but now since i said something tonight i probably won't get in bed til 2!)

was spending time with the Lord. currently i am going thru and writing all the commands (imperative mode words) in the new testament. this am came to the 7th chapter of iicor. vs 10 says 'for the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation; but the sorrow of the world produces death'. the thot occurred that i have a CHOICE BETWEEN REPENTANCE AND REGRET. i can chose to meta/noeO (greek word for repent) or meta/mellomI (greek for regret). meta has the idea of after; noeO the idea of thot; mellomI the idea of being an object of care ...so, i'm piecing this together...i can choose to think of anything i have done, said, thot and afterward comparing that with what God has to say about it, seek God's help to move away from me towards God or i can do the same and stay where i am either justifying myself or having the hopeless feeling that i cannot change. repentance is sorrow fading when looking away from self to You Lord, regret is looking anywhere else with the result of continued sorrow. while thinking about this the word 'interesting!' came to mind and so i went after that. what does that really mean? latin has inter + esse. the first is between, the second the verb to be. webster has the idea of interest being when something concerns, affects, excites emotion or passion. regret affects me, thus stirring my interest in digging a bit. i find in spite of the amazing number of failures i've had, the colossal magnitude of my sins, with some whopping individual ones in there, what a jerk i am most of the time (always 'discovered' afterwards) I HAVE NO REGRETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS, I JOYFULLY FIND 'PROPHECIED' IN II CORINTHIANS. Lord, i bless You for producing a repentance in me that is without regret.

as i was doing this the thot came to call the 13 men God has put on my heart. the only one i regularly get is jeff braun and this am i was praying with him over the phone and all the sudden a voice came...to make your call, press one...at that point i realized that jeff had vaporized at some point previous (the prayer still took!). i hung up and called again and got an invitation to leave a message and so continued the prayer until i was cut off. it was an awesome morning though. i like to call early so as not to actually contact 'a reluctant sheep'. truth be told i did not have a burning desire to but was moved to do so out of a rare 'be faithful' urge. well, glory came down. as i called down the list, focusing on encouraging the men with psalm 13 where david, feeling forsaken of God and being abused by men, nevertheless concludes by saying, 'but i HAVE TRUSTED in Thy mercy. my heart SHALL REJOICE in Thy salvation'. WOW what a blessing. david DECIDED IN THE PAST that he was going to trust the Lord come hell and high water and so, in the midst of being forsaken and abused, he confidently looks forward to not getting what he deserves and being delivered from his difficulties...anyway i called a number up twice to get a bit more 'prayed out' over them and the glory came down...there is so much more to tell of God and His goodness, but for this week, i am history..have a good week. love, dad