SONRISA! i love the spanish word for smile. just saying it makes me warm and glowing all over. it acts as a Christ-talisman upon me...recalling His smile upon me...even on a dreary, cold, rainy day like today..even after over 2 days of this weather..even after i have abysmally sinned against Him again and again. GOD IS GOOD, is all i can say!
He has been teaching me to really BELIEVE what He says in I john 1.9..if we confess (say the same thing as) our sins (to Him), He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness...all i can say is that He is shrinking the horrid, toxic period that occurs between the moment i realize my sin against Him and the moment it is GONE! GOD IS GOOD! may i give myself wholly to Him.
this week got 3 hours of work and am out of work now with one possibility coming up. my loving, heavenly father is teaching me a much needed lesson in the area of counting-chickens-before-they-hatch, or, viewed another way, really depending on myself and/or other people while masquerading as one who depends completely on God alone. thot i had all the 09 hours to and average of 20 hr weekly in the bag and now find myself short by just over 300 hours with 2.5 months to go. for the last two years my work has largely faded in the winter months...so my spirit rejoices that this is an opportunity to DEPEND (lit. hang from!) God and receive what He deems good to send GOOD.
this week 25% of the miracle of 09 was completed. after years of sitting in the house in terrror as the sump pump operated continuously during heavy rain storms..cursing myself for being-'unable'-to-do-it, that is fix the stupid thing, i now sit through rain day and night hardly ever hearing the sump pump operate. mind you (God must be changing me..) i do not have my usual boasting/arrogant spirit that occurs just having completed X. no self-congratulation. just a tentative looking to God to somehow make up for any unnoticed shortcomings in the project and petitions that it might work effectively into the distant future. may this, i take it to be a, grace from God spread over my whole life. GOD IS GOOD.
windows need to be caulked up, as usual, to keep out the winter winds (ed, who is in kate's-mom's-eddie's front northern-facing bedroom, when asked if he wanted me to winterize the window, opted to still crack the streetside window at night! he wasn't kidding when he said he was a polar bear..i think i'm going to have to override this wish..). front porch needs to be prepped and painted (25%) and fence sanded and rust-reformed, painted and reestablished (25%) are next, by God's grace...then there's the real miracle..300 hrs work... one step at a time with You, Lord...WITH YOU.
the more i ponder circumcision, a thing that has never come into play for the vast, non-jewish part of the world's peoples, the more i am seeing that it could well be a type of code word for any bite-sized thing that we subtly, or not so subtly, put our trust in. one person may think that they are righteous if they do x, another if y, another if z...and on and on it goes throughout the world in a never-ending variety of various types of 'circumcisions' that we as people put our trust in. we are really making gods out of ourselves, putting ourselves before the God of the Bible by saying that what we say goes over what He says. how pitiful. how awful when humanity stands one by one before the great white throne and judges our lives. i see 'circumcision' in meticulously keeping one's car under 25 mph in a school slow zone or in wearing a suit and tie or...well, the varieties are endless..and so handy...we can make them small enough not to cramp our style and live the way we want, we can change them when they become too hard or circumstances change or...go to a certain building on sunday. may God have mercy on us all...all us self-righteousized people. Lord, not one of us can fool You, YOU ARE GOOD! THE JUDGMENTS OF THE LORD ARE TRUE AND RIGHTEOUS ALTOGETHER. more to be desired are they than gold, yea than much fine gold. sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. moreover by them is Thy servant warned..
last sunday pm the musico was SO LOUD at one point that my ears hurt...no, they literally hurt!!! the thot crossed my mind, is loudness-in-praise a 'circumcision' of sorts...heard of men but not of God? i know i have bowed at that altar many times...and will probably many more. am really enjoying spanish though and am getting used to the idea of being alone in the church. God seems to be subtly encouraging my heart with the fact the He alone is enough. anywhere with Jesus i can safely go..anywhere with Jesus i am not alone. the hearing of spanish is becoming clearer and am able to distinguish more words. speaking and reading are shooting forth their first green sprouts. GOD IS GOOD. i am enjoying the learning of the language and looking forward eagerly to when i can begin to make myself understood and understand in conversation.
i've written down nearly 300 words, mostly those which are not obvious to the english ie. car - caro etc. am hopeful to start grouping words by category as an aid to learning comprehension. either this is an indication of my love of language or God's moving me to learn/use spanish for Him..hopefully both. am now half way through genesis 3 and am beginning to be spoken to by the text for the first time. the first thing noticed that touched my heart was how the spanish 2nd person/familiar form, reserved for more intimate relationships such as family and friends, is used when God calls out to and speaks with adam and eve after they have chosen to disobey Him. the message to me is, You love us even when we are in our sin. how beautiful You are Lord. how beautiful and other-than-human Your love and patience. then this am came to where God speaks to the serpent after adam and eve shift the blame/shame of their disobedience down to him. 'she will wound your head and TU (familiar form as opposed to usted) will wound her heel'. He felt compassion for an animal who had become a willing accomplice of satan to bend all of God's creatures away from Him..staggering! i have seriously wondered if i will meet judas, hitler and others ,who none of us 'better' people would never expect to see in heaven, by the side of Jesus...the prostitutes and the tax-gatherers will come into the kingdom while you yourselves will be thrust out...
rummage sale this week: open-toe slippers that would 'accept' thick woolen socks!, small backpack to replace my rapidly dying one, 'dress' shoes (fuzzy sneakers) i really like, Bible ? (2500 of them) game for $3.50. went back on the $2 a bag sale and squeezed 4 pairs of dungarees (my last work pants will soon be in shreds), nice, soft bedtime shorts for hot weather..not to be seen by anyone..which have red flames shooting out of blackness and 'hot stuff' in red..the Lord and i know this is a lie..(perfect for hot, humid nights on the third floor), a real wood pull over, a ladle (at last, i've been asking for one for a long time...so many times i really can use one! the Lord is good!), 12 frozen food containers (the Lord has given me so many tiny yellow and orange tomatoes this year that i've almost used up all the ones i have!..just like He seemed to indicate in the spring when i wanted to pull out all the many, many plants that sprouted from last year's...'no, no..you'll need alot this coming winter..) and three books stuffed into the top of the bag that i need like a hole in the head...but, one never knows..maybe that is just what i need..maybe these will prove themselves useful. thank You, Lord.
tomorrow am i head up to the muslim day parade in nyc. it starts at 12:30am at 41st st. and works its way down madison avenue to 23rd st. with a food bazaar at the end. i go feeling like a little orphan in a howling sandstorm far from any human help. the Lord's comfort came this am during memorization time when i reached, in psalm 139, verse 17 'how precious also are Thy thots unto me, o God! how great is the sum of them! if i should count them, they are more in number than the sand; when i awake, i am still with Thee. in my lowness and fear He came quietly and said, 'stephen..take your thumb out - of - your - mouth, straighten up your backbone and...TAKE HOLD OF MY HAND.. I'll take you where I want you to go tomorrow. then when i was saying psalm 91 these words came, comfort-laden...
I am your refuge..
I..your fortress..
I will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
I will deliver you from the noisome pestilence
I will cover you with My feathers..
under my wings you will trust..
My truth shall be your shield and buckler..
you shall not be afraid for the terror by night..
nor for the arrow that flieth by day..
nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness..
nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday..
1000 shall fall at your side..
10,000.. at your right hand but it shall not come nigh you.
only with your eyes shall you behold and see the reward of the wicked
there shall no evil befall you..
neither shall any plague come nigh your dwelling (no state-mandated vaccinations?)
I will give my angels charge over you to keep you in all your ways..
they shall bear you up in their hands lest you dash your foot against a stone..
you shall tread upon the lion and adder
the young lion and the dragon shall you trample under foot
BECAUSE YOU HAVE SET YOUR LOVE UPON ME (Lord, i don't love You but will You help me to be obedient to You..)..
I will deliver you..
I will set you on high, because you have known My name.
you shall call upon Me and I will answer him.
I will deliver you
I will honor you
with long life (i should say! i'm never going to die!!!!) will I satisfy you..
I will show you My salvation.
..that's what the Lord will do. NOW FOR WHAT I MUST DO..
i will say of the Lord, He is my refuge..my fortress..my God..in Him will i TRUST.
just went up to the desk and asked my sweetheart, melanie, if, since there are few people here, if i could have a bit more time today (sorry to make you suffer! just press DELETE!..AND YOUR FREE....) and in her loving way (love is kind..the word means to make yourself useful to the beloved) she had 60! more minutes for me. i said with a wide, feeling-loved smile, 'melanie! i feel just now like little jack horner who stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plumb and said, 'WHAT A GOOD BOY AM I! (God and i know that's a lie..)..so i continue a bit..i have so much to say today!
then, this am when i was saying psalm 146 God, the third time, comforted me..'praise ye the Lord. praise the Lord, o my soul. while i live will i praise the Lord. i will sing praises unto my God while i have any being. (one cannot REALLY praise the Lord when they are in anyway looking to men for anything..) put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help. his breath goeth forth, he returneth to his earth. in that very day his thots perish. HAPPY is he that HATH the God of jacob for his HELP, whose HOPE is in the Lord his God..
at maria's house, where i am spanish-tutored, in the bathroom i discovered a long, written, framed thing that had a sort of tarnished glow. with her permission, i took the treasure home and polished a bit. this is the result..
I WILL NEVER AGAIN (RIGHTLY) THINK..
I CAN'T X ..for i can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me. phil. 4.13
I LACK X..for my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. phil.4.19
I FEAR X.. for God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind II tim. 1.7
I DON'T BELIEVE GOD..for God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. romans 12.3
I AM TOO WEAK..for the Lord is the strength of my life psalm 27.1
I AM OVERCOME BY SATAN..for greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world I john 4.4
I AM DEFEATED..for God..always causeth us to triumph in Christ II corinthians 2.14
I AM SICK-WITHOUT- A -CURE..for with his (Jesus') stripes we are healed. isaiah 53.5
I AM WITHOUT ANYONE TO CARE..for casting all your care upon Him for He carETH for you. I pet.5.7
I MUST SIN..for 'if you continue in My word..you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free...whoever committeth sin is the servant of sin..if the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed'. john 8.31-2, 34,36
I AM CONDEMNED/CURSED/DOOMED..for there is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. romans 8.28
I AM ALONE/ABANDONED.. for I will never leave nor forsake you. hebrews 13.5
gotta go. have a good week. love, dad
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment