Converted...But....!
6 when I arrived at Bangor there was no one to meet me. I felt like turning back again. but I thought, while I am here I might as well take a look at the old home. so I made my way there. I passed by the driveway to the home several times, and just as I was making up my mind to go away, my dear old mother came out of the home to cross the drive with a basket of washing to put on the clothes line to dry. I couldn't help myself, I said, 'Mother'. she looked up and saw me, dropped the basket and had 7 me in her arms in no time. my tears and hers blended, as she kept saying, 'oh, I am so glad to see you'. over and over again, she hugged me and loved me and wept over me. not a word about my sin or sinful life. just glad I was home.
three weeks passed by when one Monday morning I was sitting by the fire reading the morning paper and smoking, while mother was busy preparing the breakfast. suddenly, and without warning, a voice said to me, 'Now or Never'. you must decide or reject Christ'. sweat broke out on my brow. I trembled all over with fear. in my heart I cried 'Lord, I yield. I repent of all my sin and now accept thee as my Saviour'.
suddenly and powerfully and consciously, I was saved. such a peace and freedom from fear, such a sweet and sure assurance filled my soul. I turned to my mother and said, 'Mother, I am saved'. she looked at me and nearly collapsed and said, 'when? I said, 'Just now'. Where? 'Here, where I am sitting. jshe cried with joy unspeakable. she couldn't say a word, but just hugged me and cried. her baby boy had not only come home, but was now saved.
happy day, happy day, when Jesus washed my sins away! it was on a Monday at 8.30 a.m...May 22, 1899. what a day. a day that will never see an end. I wired to my brother in Edinburgh, Scotland. he was a medical student, and he took his F.R.C.S. (Edin.) there and went to the John G. Paton mission to the south Sea cannibals. I wired, 'I have decided for Christ! maybe he wasn't glad and let me know it!
isn't it wonderful the way the Lord leads su? He works in a mysterious way His wonders to perform. His ways are past finding out, but they are perfect. hallelujah! when he sets his love on you, He will never give up. he will never grow weary seeking to save us, until he brings us to Himself, crying, 'I yield. I yield. i can hold out
8 no longer. I sink by dying love compelled and own Thee Conqueror
'O love that wilt not let me go, i rest my weary soul on thee; I give Thee back the life I owe, that in thine ocean depths its flow may richer, fuller be'. what a wonderful Savior is jesus my Lord!
the peace and joy and assurance continued, but in a fluctuating way. sometimes doubting, sometimes trusting, sometimes joyful, sometimes sad. all grosser sins dropped off me and I had no sorrow about it, or any bother with them; but the sins of the flesh and the spirit continued to plague me greatly. envy, jealousy, malice, hatred. I could crush them down, but they continued to rise up again, more vigorous than ever.
the fear of man was a dreadful snare, and I was helplessly caught by it. I was ashamed of Christ and ashamed of being seen with out-and -out christians. I was a sneak and a coward, if ever there was one. i despised myself, but was helpless about it. the fear of what men would say and do, if I confessed Christ, terrified me.
I attended church twice every Sunday and joined the men's Bible class. I read the Bible, but didn't get any good out of it and had little or no desire for it. prayer was a real penance, and seemingly useless. what a wretched, miserable experience I was passing through. if I could have given it all up, i believe i would have done so . I wondered was this all that salvation meant? so many saved ones around seemed to be ENJOYING the same experience as myself. we never heard there was any way out, from the preaching. it was 'do the best you can.' 'Hitch your wagon to a star'. 'Each victory will help you', but i rarely, if ever had victory. I always enjoyed living even in sin, but since i was saved, I was spoiled for living in sin, but wasn't enjoying it. 'O wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
Out of the Slough of Despond
I lived in this distracted state for nearly 7 months after my conversion. some have told me I wasn't converted at all - that I only thought I was. but they were wrong. I was truly born again and a new creature in Jesus Christ. I had the inward witness clear, and the outward evidence that i was a changed man. the Spirit answered to the Blood and told me I was born of God. He is the spirit of truth, and would never deceive me by lying to me. I hated sin, but was continually overcome by it. I loved holiness and longed to be perfectly whole, but never experienced it. i believed there was deliverance for me, but how to obtain it, I didn't know.
9 I KNEW SOME CHRISTIANS WHO WERE LIVING A VICTORIOUS, JOYOUS, SOUL-WINNING LIFE. how I envied them! i am sure if I had only made known to them the fluctuating, failing kind of life I was living, they would have led me into the open secret; but I WAS ASHAMED TO MAKE MY EXPERIENCE KNOWN. what a wretched state i was in. I had left the world and worldlings and come to Christ as my Saviour. but He was a root out of the dry ground. he had no form nor comeliness, no beauty that i should desire Him. I was dissatisfied, discontented and defeated and there seemed no way out for me.
I could not enjoy the wold and its pleasures and I was not enjoying the pleasures at God's right hand. the world renounced had left an aching void, but my salvation didn't seem to fill the void. i am glad, in a way, that I had to pass through this long seven-month experience, because I have helped so many believers who were living the same sort of life, out into a life of holiness, happiness and helpfulness. God never intended His people to live wandering in the wilderness. He brought them out of Egypt, by blood and power, to bring them into Canaan.
Than God, the day of my deliverance was at hand. one of he leading businessmen of the town, an out-and -out man for Christ and souls, arranged for a 'Convention for the deepening of the christian life'. he was Mr. S.G.Montgomery, brother of Dr. Henry Montgomery. the Rev. J. Stuart Holden was to be the speaker. he and my brother James were close friends in their student days, working in connection with the C.C.S.M.
I was invited to attend. I didn't know what sort of a meeting the convention was. I thought it first to be another religious service; so had no fear about attending. what a surprise I got the very first meeting, as I heard Mr. Holden speak. it seemed to em that my brother, or some one, had told him about the failure I was as a christian. I felt a little annoyed. but I was there the next night, and I felt sure he had been told about me, for he made clear and public my spiriual condition. I was more annoyed than ever and determined i wouldn't attend another meeting.
I was there again the next night, however, when it was made clear to me that Jesus had made full provision for not only my Salvation, but for a life of victory over the world, the flesh and the devil. as I had received Jesus Christ as my Saviour, by repentance and faith, not of works or merit or desert, but on the ground of grace and by faith, so IF I WOULD SURRENDER FULLY, LAYING MY ALL ON THE ALTAR OF SACRIFICE and receive by faith the Holy spirit to sanctify me and fill me, He would give me a clean heart and possess me fully; and as i continued to walk in the light as he was in the light, that is,WALK BY FAITH AND OBEDIENCE, the Blood of Jesus Christ His son would keep on cleansing me from all sin.
10 It was all so sublimely simple. I was amazed. I thought it could only be attained by hard work, whereas it was an obtainment. the gift of the Holy spirit. I didn't immediately obtain it. I was frightened to make the surrender without any strings attached. it was this 'unconditional' surrender that filled me with fear and hindered me receiving the blessing. the devil was working overtime with me. filling me full of mostly lies. he told me I would have to be a missionary, to leave all and go abroad or i would have to make a fool of myself in some public way. I would lose reputation, etc.
the Salvation Army had come to our town. the Corps was two wee girls in uniform. they held open-air meetings and made a noise with their tambourines. their first soldier was a man called Daft Jimmy. he had hardly enough brains to give him a headache, but he had sense enough to gt saved. he carried the flag as they marched the streets. on his jersey, a red one, he had the women put by white yarn these words on his back, 'SAVED FROM PUBLIC OPINION' I was told by satan that I would have to go to the open air meeting and march down the street with two girls and a fool. maybe this didn't fill me with a horrible dread. I would be laughed at by all my friends. I would lose my reputation.
I said, 'Lord, I will be willing to go to Timbuctoo or Hong Kong or even die decently as a martyr'. I couldn't get of it, I BECAME MORE AND MORE MISERABLE AND, OH, SO HUNGRY FOR FREEDOM AND VICTORY. AT LAST I BECAME DESPERATE. the last night of the convention I SAW IT WAS A CLEAN-CUT, UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER OR CONTINUE WANDERING IN FAILURE, DEFEAT AND DISSATISFACTION. I went down to the shore, and there under a clear sky and shining stars I made the complete, unconditional surrender. I cried out, 'Come in. Come in, Holy Spirit. thy work of great blessing begin. by faith I lay hold of the promise and claim complete victory o'er sin'.
Hallelujah! what a thrill, what a peace, what a joy. although an old-fashioned Presbyterian I began to weep and sing and rejoice like an old-fashioned methodist. when I came home, I told my mother, 'the surrender has been made, and I am free and so happy'. she was delighted, for she told me she wondered whether I was really saved or not. she knew he blessing, for she had received it under the Rev. Andrew Murray's preaching held in a convention in Belfast.
the wonder to me was, that all the fear of what men might say or do had vanished and NOW I WAS WILING TO DO ANYTHING OR GO ANYWHERE. the very thing i dreaded most, before receiving the blessing, about the salvation Army meeting, was faced. I couldn't say I was very happy about it. but I told the Lord i would do what he wanted, cost what it may. so I went to their open-air meeting on a saturday night, when the
11 country people are all in and mostly everybody is out shopping or meeting friends on the street. any other night of the week the streets were largely deserted. i tried to compromise aout the sy, but He held me to saturday.
as I walked down the street that Saturday it seemed as if every friend and relative i ever had were out and about. when i came to the open-air meeting and saw the two wee Salvation Army girls singing and rattling their tambourines and poor Daft Jimmy holding the flag, i nearly turned back. talk about dying. i was dying hard that night; I stepped off the footpath and stood in the ring. the soldiers looked at me. then to my horro one of them said, 'the people don't seem to stop and listen: let us get down on our knees and pray'. What could I do? I couldn't run away. so down i got on my knees.
the crowd gathered around. I could hear their laughter and jeers. the officer prayed a telegram prayer - short and to the point. I could have wished the prayer had been as long as the 119th psalm. I stood up, blushing and nervous. they got the collection while the crowd was there and then to my horror, she said 'Brother! take this tambourine and lead the march down the street to the Barracks'. i couldn't let a girl beat me, so i took it. THAT DID IT. MY SHACKLES FELL OFF AND I WAS FREE. MY FEARS ALL GONE. I started down the street, whether in the body or out of the body, i can't till. i lost my reputation, and fear of man: joy and peace and glory filled me. I can see now and understand why the lord dealt with em so drastically. i would never, I believe, have come right through and out-and -out for Christ, in any other way. i was naturally timid and shy. i lost something that night I never want to find again, and I found something I never want to lose. that is, I LOST MY REPUTATION AND FEAR OF FAN AND FOUND THE JOY AND PEACE OF HE OVERFLOWING FULLNESS OF THE SPIRIT. HALLELUJAH!
oh the peace my saviour gives,
peace I never knew before;
and my way has brighter grown,
since I learned to trust Him more.
John tells us (John 10.10) that Jesus came to give life, and -'more abundantly'. every born again one has life, but comparatively very few know the abundant life experimentally. it is the abundant, abounding, overflowing life that is the birthright of every born again one. satan moves earth and hell to keep christians from going in for it. he does his level best to hinder a sinner coming of Christ; but when he fails to do this, he works harder than ever to hinder them becoming candidates for the
blessing and possessing it...
18 ...Lanarkshire has the highest population in Scotland. it is the coal and steel centre...something like Pittsburg, USA missions were held all winter in churches and halls. during the summer I had a large tent. the workers and congregations were coal miners and steel workers. i did enjoy the work among them. the works were coal miners and steel workers. I did enjoy the work among them. the workers were most red hot, out and out daredevils for the Lord and ro souls. we were not bothred about our reputations or what men said or did to us. we had been delivered from the fear of what men said or did. we had no reputation to consider because we had lost it.
when we began a mission in a town or village, we weren't there long before we had either a riot or revival. sometimes we had more riot than revival, but never a revival without a riot. I usually had a large bell. I would march the streets, shouting my meetings and the Gospel. soon we had a stir in the place. we didn't know anything about diplomacy or compromise. it was all Christ or satan. everybody was in the camp of either one or the other. there was no via media as middle ground.
many had a hard struggle before they got liberty; but once they were free, there was no scheme or devise, however unorthodox or sensational, they didn't enjoy doing . the marches through the places were strange. sandwich boards, back and front,torches, with plenty of smoke and smell, cornets, megaphones, drums, often all going full blast at the same time.
I remember one place that was very decent, religious and dead. they said about the place that it was 'pianos, pride and pious'. of course they were greatly distrubed and annoyed at me, the workers and the methods. I determined I would let them see we were just as decent as they were, so i got all the warriors to dig up their old frock suits and silk hats. you never saw such a collection - all sorts of fashions! so we put sandwich boards on them and marched through the place singing psalms. no instruments or noise.
what a commotion! the church, hall or tent, were soon crowded and praise God , many were well born into God's family and became our workers. we tried to make any convert or older christian,
anything but a sneak disciple. of course, many got clean mad, but their antagonism only helped us on. they advertised us and the meetings by criticising and opposing us. I often felt very sorry for them: our strange methods and noisy parades were so upsetting to all their notions of decency and decorum.
they didn't like my preaching, at first. they said that i was coarse, vulgar and verging on blasphemy, etc. I told them that there was one thing they couldn't deny, namely, that they could understand me. they didn't need a dictionary to do it.
19 I remember we came to a nice, Presbyterian, covenanting town. we had a lovely hall (a memorial to the '59 revival) seating sevral hundred. the first week there I never had motre than maybe 20 for an audience and mostly dear old women. the town hardly knew I was there, or was holding an evangelistic mission. I didn't know what to do. one day i met th Town Crier riging his big bell and telling about an auction to be held. it was their way of advertising. I got an inspiration. I held out to the Crier 2s. 6d. and asked him to lend me his bell; which he did. it was a clear, starry dark night, so nice and quiet everywhere. i didn't tell anyone what i was going to do: they would have been shocked and not come with me.
i got at the top of the main street and took my coat off and tid the arms around my waist; then buckled up my sleeves and started down the street ringing the big bell and shouting with all my might, FIRE! FIRE! what a commotion! windows were flung open, doors banged. they croded out on the street to see me tearing down the street, roaring like a madman and ringing the bell and shouting, Fire! Fire! they thought the town was on fire. we passed the Wee free Church. they were holding their weekly prayer meeting. they had about 12 people. out they came and their minister.
when I got to the bottom of thee street, where there was a covenanting memorial, i climbed on it and cried out with a loud voice, 'hell fire, you covenanting Presbyterians, and i am trying to keep you out of it'. i got some rubbish thrown at me, but i got my crowd and packed my hall. the minister said, any man who would do that to get people under thee gospel, he would stand by him. and he did; he came night after night to the meetings. the people said, 'if he can go, then we will go too'.
22 another town would not allow open-air meetings without permission. the places we were allotted were out-of-the-way places, whee few people passed by. I noticed that men selling things on the streets were not molested, as long as they kept moving. I got the workers together with their sandwich boards on them. I marched ahead of the parade ringing the bell and preaching as we marched along, but so slowly that you could hardly see us moving. what a crow gathered along the street. the police couldn't hinder us as long as we kept moving. our workers testified as they moved along; some gave out tracts, others distributed bills announcing our tent meetings. many were interested; many were annoyed at us and shouted uncomplimentary remarks.
what prayer meetings we used to have. all nights and half nights of prayer. the noise at times was entreating and joyful. the way some prayed, you would have thought God was a million miles away, or deaf. one night when a big-voiced man was prying, one of the nice, timid, quiet prayer warriors tugged at his coat and said, 'Brother, God isn't deaf'. 'no', said the man, 'God isn't deaf, but these sinners seem to be.
one prayed, 'Lord, give me a good reputation in hell and with the old devil'. it created a laugh. afterwards, I took him aside and said that he shouldn't say things at prayer to cause us to laugh. He said, 'Mr. nicholson, I didn't say it that way. I had been reading it in the bible'. I asked, 'where?' he turned up Acts 19. 13-5, 'seven sons of Sceva...' called over the spirit possessed ones, 'i adjure you by Jesus whom Paul preacheth'. the evil spirit answered, and said, 'Jesus I know and Paul I know; but
23 who are you?' He said, 'I want the devil to know who I am'. I couldn't say a word. he was a new convert, and had been a great sinner.
these were great days and great victories wee won. we always managed a riot or a revival. sometimes a riot and no revival, but never a revival without a riot!
the Lord had his own way of getting us ready for another move in his work and will. we do not always understand, not can we explain the way we are to move, or when. we just have an inward feeling of assurance that we are about to move on and out, like Abram, 'not knowing whither he went'. i felt a wee bit annoyed and irritated, because I loved the work i was doing in scotland and the place and people. I had married, and had a nice wee cottage, nicely and comfortably furnished and paid for. we were one in Christ Jesus and united and agreed in the work we were dong, and the way we were doing it. then our firstborn arrived; a daughter.
the thought of leaving all this was anything but pleasing. the Lord has a hard joy on his hands with the most and the best of us. He cannot coerce or compel, but He has queer ways of making us willing until there comes a time when we are constrained to say with all our heart, 'i yield; i sink by dying love compelled and own Thee conqueror'. what rest and peace and joy fill the heart when the surrender is fully made. you begin to sing.
Where He may led me i will go,
for I have learned to love Him so.....
so onward i go, nor doubt nor fear:
His divine will is sweet to me.
Hallelujah! He gave me his promise, 'Verily i say unto you, there is no man that hath left house or brethren, or sisters, or father or mother or WIFE or children or lands, for My sake, and the gospel's , but he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses and brethren and sisters, and mothers, and children and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life'. Mark 10.29-30 notice, we will receive houses, sisters, mothers, children - all in the plural; and not in some future day but now. HALLELUJAH! we also get persecutions. like salt in our food. it give savour to our service.
I accepted, with great feat and trembling, the invitation of Dr. Wilbur Chapman and Mr. Chas, m. Alexander, to join their party, conducting evangelistic campaigns all over the world. they were beginning an australian campaign, starting at melbourne, Victoria, in may 1909. I was to leave London in march and join them at melbourne. they were going vial the pacific to australia, while i journeyed by the mediterranean. it was a wrench leaving wife and bairn, and the work and workers i had got to know
24 and love. I didn't know when, if ever, I would return. but I had sure and clear leading that i was in the centre of the circle of the will of God. He would not fail me or forsake me.
i embarked at London on the S.S.Ophir. the vessel was crowded. I didn't know a single person aboard. many were waving goodbye to their friends. I hadn't one to wish me goodbye. maybe I didn't feel lonely and homesick! I had a real dose of mental malaria, ingrowing thoughts and blues. in fact, it was a good dose of old fashioned 'dumps'. maybe the old devil didn't work overtime on me. he succeeded for a while in making me a pure bred unbelieving believer. the Lord is a specialist in dealing with this sort of disease. he had treated and helped abraham, moses,
David, Jeremiah, Jonah, John Baptists etc, etc. He wonderfully helped me. Bless Him!
(note - he took a steady pastorate position, replacing the pastor of 1200 people for a year. at the end of this he was invited to stay on.)...but I had 'itchy feet' and best of all, I had the assurance that it was His directive will for me. I don't believe it is ever God's will to put a square man in a round hole or vice versa. he made me for an itinerant sort of life. so I feel very much at home and enjoy the journeying here and there doing God's work....
I was back in USA holding tabernacle meetings...the Lord graciously blessed our efforts, and we were kept busy. i was young and strong. work was a pleasure. i felt i was lazy even to take time to sleep. I never rested between missions....
112 dealing with the subject, 'what is a christian?'..he said - a christian was a man who believed the Bible was the infallible word of God. he believed he Bible not only contained the Word of God but that it actually was the word of God.
132 ..he said that the results of a revival would be conviction of sin in God's people and the putting of wrongs right. love for one another, love for Christ and deliverance from worldliness would be other results. Christ satisfied the soul.
...at Ravenhill Road Church (Belfast) 1938
133 ...read Luke 18 which presented will defined portraits of he proud Pharisee and the penitent publican.
his address which followed was a powerful deliverance. he took on the basis of the Scripture mentioned tow classes of he unsaved. the first of these was made up of the people whom God could not afford to save. that should soak in and make them think. people wer present who were going to hell with all the judgement of god upon them. God could not afford to save hem. but there were those whom God could not refrain from saving. while he described those two classes they could know to which they undoubtedly belonged.
the question might be put - is i possible for god not to be able to afford to save anyone when it was said, 'Whosoever'? were they not among the 'whosoevers'? but God's whosoever was not so wide as they asserted; God's whosoever was limited by the condition - 'believeth'.
who then, went on the evangelist, were the people God could not afford to save? first of all were the proud...by loving the Lord and following the Lord...
134 those who could not break with sin..
137 ...give (me) a tongue like an old cow...sharper than any file...
a few jotted down...
-the minute you become a praying man ...Hell is on your doorstep.
-...parent should give their children more chance of seeing them at prayer.
-Paul went from most eminent to least of all saints..not fit to call a saint. we only grow as we grow down.
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