*17 Oct. 15 and 16 we spent with one or two of our friends, partly on board and partly on shore, in exhorting one another 'to SHAKE OFF EVERY WEIGHT AND RUN WITH PATIENCE THE RACE SET BEFORE US.
9.17 I began to learn German, in order to converse with the Germans, 26 of whom we had on board. on Sun...I now first PREACHED EXTEMPORE (def - on the spur of the moment; without premeditation or preparation; off hand)...
Oct. 20, 1735 (note - on the ship going to America) ..believing the denying ourselves, even in the smallest instances, might, by the blessing of God, be helpful to us, we wholly left off the use of flesh and wine, and confined ourselves to vegetable food, -chiefly rice and biscuit...
*18 9.22 - my brother writ sermons, and mr. Ingham instructed the children. at 12 we met to give an account to one another what we had done since our last meeting and what we designed to do before our next. about one we dined. the time from dinner to four, we spent in reading to those whom each of us had taken in charge, or in speaking to them severally, as need required. at four were the evening prayers; when either the second lesson was explained, (as it always was in the morning,)or the children were catechised and instructed before the congregation. from 5 to 6 we again used private prayer. from 6 to 7 I read in our cabin to two or three of the passengers, (of whom there were about 80 english on board,) and each of my brethren to a few more in theirs. at 7 I joined with the Germans in their public service; while Mr Ingham was reading between the decks, to as many as desired to hear. at 8 we met again, to exhort and instruct one another. between 9 and 10 we went to bed, where neither the roaring of the sea, nor the motion of the ship, could take away the refreshing sleep which God gave us.
*19 Nov. 1 - this was a happy opportunity of instructing our fellow-travellers. may He whose seed we sow, give it the increase!
11.23 - at night I was awaked by the tossing of the ship and roaring of the wind, and plainly showed I was unfit, for I was unwilling, to die.
12.2 - I had much satisfaction in conversing with one that was very ill and very serious. but in a few days she recovered from her sickness and from her seriousness together.
12.7 - finding nature did not require so frequent supplies as we had been accustomed to, we agreed to leave off suppers; from doing which, we have hitherto found no inconvenience.
20 1.15.1736 - complaint being made to Mr. Oglethorpe, of the unequal distribution of the water among the passengers, he appointed new officers to take charge of it. at this the old ones and their friends were highly exasperated against us, to whom they imputed the change. but 'the fierceness of man shall turn to Thy praise'.
1.17 - ..contrary wind..rose higher and higher ..about 11 I lay down in the great cabin, and in a short time fell asleep, though very uncertain whether I should wake alive and much ashamed of my unwillingness to die. o how pure in heart must he be, who would rejoiced to appear before God at a moment's warning!..
1.18 - we returned God thanks for our deliverance, of which a few appeared duly sensible. but the rest (among whom were most of the sailors) denied we had been in any danger. I could not have believed that so little good would have been done by the terror they were in before. but it cannot be that they should long obey God from fear, who are deaf to the motives of love.
*21 1.23- in the evening another storm began. in the morning it increased, so that they were forced to let the ship drive. I could not but say to myself, 'how is it that thou hast no faith?' being still unwilling to die. about one in the afternoon, almost as soon as I had stepped out of the great cabin-door, the sea did not break as usual, but came with a full, smooth tide over the side of the ship. I was vaulted over with water in a moment and so stunned that I scarce expected to lift up my head again, till the sea should give up her dead. but thanks be to God, I received no hurt at all...
1.25- at noon our third storm began, at 4 it was more violent than before. now, indeed, we could say, 'the waves of the sea were mighty and raged horribly. they rose up to the heavens above and ' clave 'down to hell beneath'. the winds roared round about us and (what I never heard before) whistled as distinctly as if it had been a human voice. the ship not only rocked to and fro with the utmost violence by shook and jarred with so unequal, grating a motion, that one could not but with great difficulty keep one's hold of any thing, nor stand a moment without it. every ten minutes came a shock against the stern or side of the ship, which one would think should dash the plans in pieces. at this time a child, privately baptized before, was brought to be received into the church. it put me in mind of Jeremiahs buy the field, when the Chaldeans were on the point of destroying Jerusalem and seemed a pledge of the mercy God designed to show us, even in the land of the living.
we spent two or three hours after prayers, in conversing suitably to the occasion, confirming one another in a calm submission to the wise, holy, gracious will of God. and now a storm did not appear so terrible as before. blessed be the God of all consolation!
at 7 I went to the Germans. I had long before observed the great seriousness of their behaviour. of their humility they had given a continual proof, by performing those servile offices for the other passengers, which none of the English would undertake; for which they desired, and would receive no pay, saying, 'it was good for their proud hearts', and 'their loving Saviour had done more for them'. and every day had given them occasion of showing a meekness which no injury could move. if they were pushed, struck, or thrown down, they rose again and went away; but no complaint was found in their mouth. there was now an opportunity of trying whether they were delivered from the spirit of fear, as well as from that of pride, anger and revenge. in the midst of the psalm wherewith their service began, the sea broke over, split the main-sail in pieces, covered the ship and poured in between the decks, as if the great deep had already swallowed us up. a terrible screaming began among the English, the Germans calmly sung on. I asked one of them afterwards, 'Was you not afraid?' He answered, 'I thank God, no.' I asked, 'but were not your women and children afraid?' He replied, mildly, 'No; our women and children are not afraid to die'. from them I went to their crying, trembling neighbours, and pointed out to them the difference in the hour of trial, between him that feareth God and him that feareth him not. at 12 the wind fell. this was the most glorious day which I have hitherto seen.
*22 1.26- we enjoyed the calm. I can conceive no difference comparable to that between a smooth and a rough sea, except that which is between a mind calmed by the love of God and one torn up by the storms of earthly passions....
*23 2.7- Mr. Oglethorpe returned from Savannah with Mr. Spangenberg, one of the Pastors of the Germans. I soon found what spirit he was of; and asked his advice with regard to my own conduct. he sad, 'My brother, I must first ask you one or two questions. have you the witness within yourself? does the Spirit of God bear witness with your spirit, that you are a child of God?' I was surprised and knew not what to answer. he observed it and asked, 'do you know Jesus Christ?' I paused and said, 'I know He is the Saviour of the world'. I paused and said, 'I know He is the Saviour of the world' 'True, replied he; 'but do you know He has saved you? I answered, 'I hope He has died to save me.' He only added, 'do you know yourself? ' I said, 'I do'. but I fear they were vain words.
2.9 I asked him many questions, both concerning himself and the church at Hernhuth. the substance of his answers was this: -
'at 18 years old, I was sent to the university of Jena where I spent some years in learning languages, and the vain philosophy, which I have now long been labouring to forget. here it pleased God, by some that preached His word with power, to overturn my heart. I immediately threw aside all my learning, but what tended to save my soul. I shunned all company, and retired into a solitary place, resolving to spend my
*24 life there. for three days I had much comfort here; but on the fourth it was all gone. I was amazed, and went for advice to an experienced Christian. when I came to him, I could not speak. but he saw my heart and advised me to go back to my house and follow the business Providence called me to. I went back, but was fit for nothing. I could neither do business, nor join in any conversation. all I could say to any one, was Yes or No. many times I could not say that, nor understand the plainest thing that was said to me. my friends and acquaintance looked upon me as dead, came no more to me, nor spoke about me.
'when i grew better, I began teaching some poor children. others joining with me, we taught more and more, till there were above 30 teachers, and above 200 scholars. I had now invitations to other universities. but i could not accept of any; desiring only, if it were the will of god, to be little and unknown. i had spent some years thus, when Professor Breithaupt, of halle, died: being then pressed to remove thither, i believed it was the call of god and went. I had not been long there, before many faults were found, both with my behaviour and preaching; and offences increased more and more, till, after half a year, a petition against me was sent to the King of prussia, who sent an order to the commander at Halle; in pursuance whereof I was warned to leave the city in 48 hours. I did so, and retired to Hernhuth to Count Zinzendorf.
'the village of Hernhuth contains about a 1000 souls, gathered out of many nations. they hold fast the discipline, as well as the faith and practice, of the apostolical church. I was desired by the brethren there last year,k to conduct 16 of them to Georgia, where tow lots of ground are assigned us; and with them I have staid ever since.
I asked, 'whither he was to go next? he said, 'I have thoughts of going to Pennsylvania. but what God will do with me I know not. I am blind. I am a child. My Father knows; and I am ready to go wherever he calls.
2.13 some of the Indians sent us word of their intention to come down to us. in our course of reading today, were these words: 'thus saith the Lord of Hosts, It shall yet come to pass, that there shall come people, and the inhabitants of many cities: and the inhabitants of one city shall go to another,
*25 saying, let us go speedily to pray before the Lord, and to seek the Lord of Hosts: I will go also. yea, many people and strong nations shall come to seek the Lord of Hosts in Jerusalem, and to pray before the Lord'. (Zech. 8.20-22)
2.14 - about one, Tomo Chachi, his nephew Thleeanouhee, his wife Sinauky, with two more women, and tow or three Indian children, came on board. as soon as we came in, they all rose and shook us by the hand; and Tomo Chachi (one Mrs. Musgrove interpreted) spoke as follows:-
'I am glad you are come. when I was in England, I desired that some would speak the great Word to me; and my nation then desired to hear it; but now we are all in confusion. yet I am glad you are come. I will go up and speak to the wise men of our nation; and I hope they will hear. but we would not be made christians as the spaniards make christians: we would be taught, before we are baptized.
I answered, 'there is but One, He that sitteth in heaven, who is able to teach man wisdom. though we are come so far, we know not whether He will please to teach you by us or no. If He teaches you, you will learn wisdom, but we can do nothing; . we then withdrew.
*26 2.24 -at our return the next day...Mr. Delamotte and I took up our logging with the Germans. we had now an opportunity, day by day, of observing their whole behaviour. for we were in one room with them from morning to night, unless for the little time i spent in walking. they were always employed, always cheerful themselves, and in good humour with one another; they had put away all anger and strife and wrath and bitterness and clamour and evil-speaking; they walked worthy of the vocation wherewith they were called, and adorned the Gospel of our Lord in all things....
*27 3.7- this evening one of the Germans, who had been long ill of a consumption, found himself much worse. on my mentioning it to Bishop Nitschman, he smiled and said, 'He will soon be well; he is ready for the Bridegroom'.
*28 3.14- having before given notice of my design to do so, every Sunday and holiday, according to the rules of our Church, I administered the holy communion to 18 persons which of these will endure to the end?...
*29 3.30- ..the next day Mr. Delamotte and I began to try, whether life might not as well be sustained by one sort as by a variety of food. we chose to make the experiment with bread; and were never more vigorous and healthy than while we tasted nothing else. 'Blessed are the pure in hear'; who, whether they eat or drink, or whatever they do, have no end therein but to please God! to them all things are pure. every creature is good to them and nothing to be rejected. but let them who know and fell that they are not thus pure, use every help and remove every hindrance; always remembering, 'he that despiseth little things shall fall by little and little'.
4.4 - about four in the afternoon I set out for Frederica, in a pettiwga, - a sort of flat-bottomed barge. the next evening we anchored near Skidoway Island, where the water, at flood, was 12 or 14 feet deep. I wrapped myself up from head to foot, in a large cloak , to keep off the sand-flies, and lay down on the quarter-deck. between one and tow I waked under water, being so fast asleep that I did not find where I was till my mouth was full of it. having left my cloak, I know not how, upon deck, I swam round to the other side of the pettiwaga, where a boat was tied, and climbed up by the rope without any hurt, more than wetting my clothes. Thou art the God of whom cometh salvation: Thou art the Lord by whom we escape death.
the winds were so contrary, that on Saturday, 10, we could but just get over against Doboy Island, 20 miles from
*30 Frederica, but could not possibly make the creek, having a strong tide also against us. here we lay beating off till past one, when the lightning and rain, which we had long seen at a distance, drove down full upon us; till, after a quarter of an hour, the clouds parted, some passing on the right, and some on the left, leaving us a clear sky and so strong a wind right after us, as in tow hours brought us to Frederica.
a little before we landed, I opened my Testament on these words: 'if God be for us, who can be against us?' coming on shore, I found my brother exceeding weak, having been for some time ill of a flux; but he mended from the hour he saw me. this also hath God wrought!
*31 5.10- I began visiting my parishioners in order, from house to house; for which I set apart (the time when they cannot work, because of the heat, viz.) from 12 till 3 in the afternoon.
*32 6.1- after praying with him, I was surprised to find one of the most controverted questions in divinity, disinterested love, decided at once by a poor old man, without education or learning, or any instructor by the Spirit of God. I asked what he thought of paradise; (to which he had said he was going) he said, 'to be sure, it is a fine place. but I don't mind that; I don't care what place i am in. let God put me where He will or do with me what He will, so I may but set forth His honour and glory.
*33 6.12- being with one who was very desirous to converse with me, but not upon religion, i spoke to this effect:- 'suppose you was going to a country where every one spoke Latin, and understood no other language, neither would converse with any that did not understand it: suppose one was sent to stay here a short time, on purpose to teach it you; suppose that person, pleased with your company, should spend his time in trifling with you and teach you nothing of what he came for: would that be well done? yet this is our case. you are going to a country where every one speaks the love of God. the citizens of heaven understand no other language. they converse with none who do not understand it. indeed none such are admitted there. I am sent from God to teach you this. a few days are allotted to us for that purpose. would it then be well done in me, because I was pleased with your company, to spend this short time in trifling and teach you nothing of what I came for? God forbid! I will rather not converse with you at all. of the two extremes, this is the best'.
6.17- an officer of a man-of-war, walking just behind us, with two or three of his acquaintance, cursed and swore exceedingly: but upon my reproving him, seemed much moved and gave me many thanks.
6.19- ...in the afternoon I summed up what I had seen or heard at Frederica, inconsistent with christianity, and, consequently, with the prosperity of the place. the even was as it ought: some of the hearers were profited, and the rest deeply offended.
*34 6.22- observing much coldness in Mr. -'s behaviour, I asked him the reason of it. he answered, 'I like nothing you do. all your sermons are satires upon particular persons, therefore I will never hear you more; and all the people are of my mind, for we won't hear ourselves abused.
'besides, they say they are Protestants. but as for you, they cannot tell what religion you are of. they never heard of such a religion before. they do not know what to make of it. and then your private behaviour:- all the quarrels that have been here since you came, have been 'long of you. indeed there is neither man nor woman in the town who minds a word you say. and so you may preach long enough; but nobody will come to hear you'.
he was too warm for hearing an answer. so I had nothing to do but to thank him for his openness, and walk away.
6.23 - I had a long conversation with Mr. -, upon the nature of TRUE RELIGION. I then ASKED HIM , WHY HE DID NOT ENDEAVOUR TO RECOMMEND IT TO ALL WITH WHOM HE CONVERSED. He said, 'I did so once; and for some time, I thought I had done much a good by it. but I afterwards found they were never the better, and I myself was the worse. therefore now, though I always strive to be inoffensive in my conversation, I do not strive to make people religious, unless those that have a desire to be so, and are, consequently, willing to hear me. but I have not yet (I speak not of you or your brother ) found one such person in america'.
'HE THAT HATH EARS TO HEAR, LET HIM HEAR!' mark the tendency of this accursed principle! if you will speak only to those who are willing to hear, see how many you will turn from the error of their ways! if, therefore, striving to do good, you have done hurt, what then? if, therefore, striving to do good, you have done hurt, what then? so did St. Paul. so did the Lord of life, even His word was 'the savour of death', as well as 'the savour of life'. but shall you, therefore, strive no more? God forbid! Strive more humbly, more calmly, more cautiously. do not strive as you did before, - but STRIVE WHILE THE BREATH OF GOD IS IN YOUR NOSTRILS!
being to leave Frederica in the evening, I took the more notice of these words in the Lesson for the day: 'whereunto
*35 shall I liken the men of this generation? they are lie unto children sitting in the market-place, and saying, we have piped unto you, and ye have not danced; we have mourned to you, and ye have not wept. for John the Baptist came neither eating bread nor drinking wine; and ye say , He hath a devil. the Son of Man is come eating and drinking; and ye say, Behold a gluttonous and a wine-bibber, a friend of publicans and sinners! Luke 7.31-4
*37 7.10 ..this evening we had such a storm of thunder and lightning as I never saw before, even in Georgia. this voice of God, too, told me I was not fit to die; since i was afraid, rather than desirous of it. O when shall I wish to be dissolved and to be with Christ? when I love Him with all my heart.
almost the whole town was the next evening at the funeral; where many, doubtless, made a world of good resolutions. O how little trace of most of these will be left in the morning! it is a true saying, 'Hell is paved with good intentions'.
*44 on Monday evening we left Darien, and on Wednesday, (..1.5.1737) we came to Frederica. most here were, as we expected, cold and heartless: we found not one who retained his first love. O send forth Thy light and Thy truth, that they may guide them! let them not yet follow their own imaginations!
*46 3.4 from the directions I received from God this day, touching an affair of the greatest importance, I could not but observe, as I had done many times before, the entire mistake of those who assert, 'God will not answer your prayer, unless your heart be wholly resigned to his will'. my heart was not wholly resigned to His will. therefore, not daring to depend on my own judgment, I cried the more earnestly to Him to supply what was wanting in me. and I know , and am assured, he heard my voice, and did send forth His light and His truth.
3.24 a fire broke out in the house of Robert Hows, and in an hour burned it to the ground: a collection was made for him the next day and the generality of the people showed a surprising willingness to give a little out of their little for the relief of a necessity greater than their own.
53 7.27 I rejoiced to meet once more with that good soldier of Jesus Christ, August. Spangenberg, with whom on Monday, August 1, i began my long-intended journey to Ebenezer. in the way, I told him, the calm we had so long enjoyed was now drawing to an end; that I hoped he would shortly see i was not ( as some had told him) a respecter of persons; but was determined (God being my helper) to behave indifferently to all, rich or poor, friends or enemies. I then asked his advice as to the difficulty I foresaw; and resolved, by God's grace, to follow it.
in the evening, we came to New-Ebenezer, where the poor salzburghers are settled. the industry of this people is quite surprising. their 60 huts are neatly and regularly built and all the little spots of ground between them improved to the best advantage. one side of the town is a field of Indian corn; on the other are the plantations of several private persons; all which together one would scarce think it possible for a handful of people to have done in one year.
8.3 we returned to Savannah. Sunday, 7, I repelled Mrs Williamson from the holy communion. and Monday, 8, Mr. Recorder, of savannah, issued out the warrant following: -
''to all Constables, Tithingmen, and others, whom these may concern:
'You, and each of you, are hearby required to take the body of John Wesley, Clerk:
'and bring him before one of the bailiffs of the said town, to answer the complaint of william williamson and Sophia his wife, for defaming the said Sophia and refusing to administer to her the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper, in a public congregation, without cause; by which the said William Williamson is damaged one thousand pounds sterling: and for so doing, this is your warrant, certifying what you are to do in the premises. ..Tho. Christie
*54 8.9 Mr. Jones, the Constable, served the warrant and carried me before Mr. Bailiff Parker and Mr. Recorder. my answer to them was, that the giving or refusing the lord's supper being a matter purely ecclesiastical, I could not acknowledge their power to interrogate me upon it. Mr. Parker told me, 'However, you must appear at the next Court, holden for Savannah'. Mr. Williamson, who stood by, said, 'Gentlemen, I desire Mr. Wesley may give bail for his appearance'. but Mr Parker immediately replied, 'Sir, Mr. Wesley's word is sufficient'.
8.10 Mr Causton )from a just regard, as his letter expressed it, to the friendship which had subsisted between us till this affair) required me to give the reasons in the Courthouse, why I repelled Mrs Williamson from the holy communion. I answered, 'I apprehend many ill consequences may arise from so doing: let the cause be laid before the Trustees'.
8.11 Mr. Causton came to my house and among many other sharp words, said, 'make an end of this matter: Thou hadst best. My niece to be used thus! I have drawn the sword, and I will never sheath it till I have satisfaction'.
soon after, he added, 'Give the reasons of your repelling her before the whole congregation'. I answered, 'sir, if you insist upon it, I will; and so you may be pleased to tell her. He said, 'Write to her and tell her so yourself'. I said 'I will;' and after he went I wrote as follows;
'To Mrs. Sophia Williamson.
'at Mr. Causton's request, i write once more. the rules whereby i proceed are these: -
'so many as intend to be partakers of the holy Communion, shall signify their names to the Curate, at least some time the day before'. this you did not do.
'and if any of these - have done any wrong to his neighbours, by word or deed, so that the congregation be thereby offended, the Curate - shall advertise him, that in any wise he presume not to come to the Lord's table, until he hath openly declared himself to have truly repented'.
'if you offer yourself at the Lord's table, until he hath openly declared himself to have truly repented. '
'if you offer yourself at the Lord's table on sunday, I will advertise you, (as I have done more than once,) wherein you have done wrong. and when you have openly declared yourself to have truly repented, i will administer to you the mysteries of God. John Wesley
*55 Mr. Delamotte carrying this, Mr. Causton said, among many other warm sayings, 'I am the person that am injured. the affront is offered to me; and I will espouse the cause of my niece. I am ill-used; and I will have satisfaction, if it be to be had in the world'.
which way this satisfaction was to be had, I did not yet conceive. but on Friday and saturday it began to appear: - Mr. Causton declared to many persons, that 'Mr. Wesley had repelled Sophy from the holy communion, purely out of revenge; because he had made proposals of marriage to her, which she rejected and married Mr. Williamson'.
I could not but observe the gracious providence of God, in the course of the lessons all this week. on monday evening God spake to us in these words: 'Call to remembrance the former days, in which ye endured a great fight of afflictions: partly whilst you were made a gazing stock, both by reproaches and afflictions and partly whilst ye became companions of them that were so used. - Cast not away, therefore, your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward; for ye have need of patience, that after ye have done the will of god, ye might receive the promise.' Heb 10. 32-6
the Evening lesson on Tuesday was the 11th of the Hebrews; in reading which i was more particularly encouraged by his example, who 'chose rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season: Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures of Egypt'.
the Lesson on Wednesday began with these words; 'Therefore seeing we are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, - and run with patience the race that is set before us: Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. Heb 12.1-2
in the Thursday Lesson were these comfortable words: 'I will never leave thee nor forsake thee. so that we may boldly say, The lord is my helper and I will not fear what man shall do unto me. Heb. 13.5-6
the words of St. James, read on Friday, were, 'Blessed is the man that endureth temptation': and those on Saturday,
*56 'My brethren, have not the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, - with respect of persons'. James 2.1
I was only afraid, lest those who were weak should 'be turned out of the way'; at least so far as to forsake the public 'assembling of themselves together'. but I feared where no fear was God took care of this also. so that on Sunday, the 14th, more were present at the Morning Prayers than had been for some months before. many of them observed those words in the first lesson, 'Set Naboth on high among the people; and set two men, sons of Belial, before him, to bear witness against him'.
8.16 - Mrs. Williamson swore to and signed an affidavit, insinuating much more than it asserted; but asserting, that Mr. Wesley had many times proposed marriage to her; all which proposals she had rejected. of this i desired a copy; Mr. Causton replied, 'sir, you may have one from any of the newspapers in America'.
On Thursday or Friday was delivered out a list of 26 men, who were to meet, as a Grand Jury, on Monday the 22d. but this list was called in the next day and 24 names added to it. of this Grand Jury, (44 of whom only met.) one was a Frenchman, who did not understand English, one a papist, one a professed infidel, 3 Baptists, 16 or 17 others Dissenters; and several others who had personal quarrels against me and had openly vowed revenge.
to this Grand Jury, on Monday the 22d, Mr. Causton gave a long and earnest charge, 'to beware of spiritual tyranny, and to oppose the new, illegal authority which was usurped over their consciences'. then Mrs. Williamson's affidavit was read. after which, Mr. Causton delivered to the Grand Jury a paper, entitled, -
'a list of grievances, presented by the Grand Jury for Savannah this...day of August, 1737.
this the majority of the Grand Jury altered in some particulars, and on Thursday, September 1, delivered it again to the Court, under the form of two presentments, containing ten bills, which were then read to the people.
herein they asserted, upon oath, 'that John Wesley, Clerk, had broken the laws of the realm, contrary to the peace of our Sovereign Lord the King, His crown and dignity.
*57 1. by speaking and writing to Mrs W, against her husband's consent.
2. by repelling her from the holy communion.
3. by not declaring his adherence to the Church of England.
4. by dividing the Morning Service on Sundays.
5. by refusing to baptize mr. Parker's child, otherwise than by dipping, except the parents would certify it was weak, and not able to bear it.
6. by repelling William Gough from the holy communion.
7. by refusing to read the Burial Service over the body of Nataniel Polhill.
8. by calling himself Ordinary of savannah.
9. by refusing to receive William Aglionby as a godfather, only because he was not a communicant.
10. by refusing Jacob Matthews for the same reason: and baptizing an Indian trader's child with only two sponsors'. (this, i own, was wrong; for I ought, at all hazards, to have refused baptizing it till he had procured a third.)
9.2 was the third Court at which i appeared since my being carried before Mr. P. and the recorder.
I now moved for an immediate hearing on the first bill, being the only one of a civil nature: but it was refused. I made the same motion in the afternoon; but was put off till the next Court-day.
on the next Court-day i appeared again; as also at the two Courts following: but could not be heard, because (the Judge said) Mr. Williamson was gone out of town.
the sense of the minority of the Grand Jurors themselves (for they were by no means unanimous) concerning these presentments, may appear from the following paper, which they transmitted to the Trustees: -
'To the Honourable the Trustees for Georgia.
whereas two presentments have been made, the one of August 23, the other of August 31, by the Grand Jury for the town and county of Savannah, in Georgia, against John Wesley, Clerk.
'we, whose names are underwritten, being members of the said Grand Jury, do humbly beg leave to signify our dislike of the said presentments: being, by many and divers circumstances,
*58 thoroughly persuaded in ourselves, that the whole charge against Mr. Wesley is an artifice of Mr. Causton's , designed rather to blacken the character of Mr. Wesley, than to free the colony from religious tyranny, as he was pleased, in his Charge to us, to term it. but as these circumstances will be too tedious to trouble your Honours with, we shall only beg leave to give the reasons of our dissent from the particular bills.
with regard to the First bill, we do not apprehend that Mr. Wesley has either spoke in private or wrote to the said Mrs. Williamson, since March 12, (the day of her marriage,) except one letter of July the 5th, which he wrote at the request of her uncle, as a pastor, to exhort and reprove her.
the Second we do not apprehend to be a true bill; because we humbly conceive Mr. Wesley did not assume to himself any authority contrary to law: for we understand, 'Every person intending to communicate, should signify his name to the Curate, at least some time the day before; ' which Mrs. Williamson did not do; although Mr. Wesley had often, in full congregation, declared, he did insist on a compliance with that Rubric, and had before repelled divers persons for non-compliance therewith.
the Third we do not think a true bill; because several of us have been his hearers, when he has declared his adherence to the Church of England, in a stronger manner than by a formal declaration; by explaining and defending the apostles', the Nicene, and the Athanasian Creeds, the Thirty-nine Articles, the whole Book of Common-prayer, and the Homilies of the said Church; and because we think a formal declaration is not required, but from those who have received institution and induction.
the fact alleged in the Fourth bill we cannot apprehend to be contrary to any law in being.
the Fifth we do not think a true bill; because we conceive Mr. Wesley is justified by the Rubric, viz., 'If they (the parents) 'certify that the child is weak, it shall suffice to pour water upon it'. intimating (as we humbly suppose) it shall not suffice, if they do not certify.
'the Sixth cannot be a true bill; because the said William Gough, being one of our members, was surprised to hear himself named, without his knowledge or privity; and did publicly
*59 declare, it was no grievance to him, because the said John Wesley had given him reasons with which he was satisfied.
the Seventh we do not apprehend to be a true bill; for Nathaniel Polhill was an Anabaptist, and desired in his lifetime, that he might not be interred with the Office of the Church of England. and farther, we have good reason to believe, that Mr. Wesley was at Frederica, or on his return thence, when Polhill was buried.
as to the Eighth bill we are in doubt, as not well knowing the meaning of the word 'Ordinary'. but for the Ninth and Tenth, we think Mr.Wesley is sufficiently justified by the Canons of the Church, which forbid 'any person to be admitted godfather or godmother to any child, before the said person has received the holy communion'; whereas William Aglionby and Jacob Matthews had never certified Mr. Wesley that they had received it'.
this was signed by 12 of the Grand Jurors, of whom three were Constables and six more Tithingmen; who, consequently, would have made a majority, had the Jury consisted, as it regularly should have done, of only 15 members, viz., the four Constables and 11 Tithingmen.
9.30 having ended the Homilies, I began reading Dr. Rogers's 8 sermons to the congregation: Hoping they might be a timely antidote against the poison of infidelity which was now with great industry propagated among us.
10.7 I consulted my friends, whether God did not call me to return to England? the reason for which I left it had now no force; there being no possibility, as yet, of instructing the Indians; neither had i, as yet, found or heard of any indians on the continent of America who had the least desire of being instructed. and as to Savannah, having never engaged myself, either by word or letter, to stay there a day longer than i should judge convenient, nor ever taken charge of the people any otherwise than as in my passage to the Heathens, I looked upon myself to be fully discharged therefrom, by the vacating of that design. besides, there was a probability of doing more service to that unhappy people, in England, than I could do in Georgia, by representing, without fear or favour to the Trustees, the real state the colony was in. after deeply considering these things, they were unanimous, 'That I ought to go; but not yet'. so I laid the thoughts of it aside for the present;
*60 being persuaded, that when the time was come, God would 'make the way plain before my face'.
10.15 being at Highgate, a village 5 miles from Savannah, consisting of (all but one) French families, who, I found, knew but little of the English tongue, I offered to read prayers there in French every Saturday in the afternoon. they embraced the offer gladly. on Saturday, the 22d, i read prayers in German likewise, to the German villagers of Hampstead; and so continued to do, once a week. we began the Service (both at Highgate and Hampstead) with singing a psalm. then I read and explained a chapter in the French or German Testament, and concluded with prayers and another psalm.
10.29 some of the French of Sanannah were present at the prayers at Highgate. the next day i received a message from them all, 'that as I read prayers to the French at Highgate, who were but few, they hoped i would do the same to those of Savannah, where there was a large number who did not understand English'. Sunday, 30th, I began so to do; and now I had full employment for that holy day. the first English prayers lasted from five till half an hour past six. the Italian (which I read to a few Vaudois) began at nine. the second service for the English (including the sermon and the holy communion) continued from half past ten, till about half an hour past 12. the French service began at one. at two I catechised the children. about 3 began the English service. after this was ended, I had the happiness of joining with as many as my largest room would hold, in reading prayer and singing praise. and about 6, the service of the Moravians, so called, began: at which I was glad to be present, not as a teacher, but a learner.
11.3 I appeared again at the Court, holden on that day; and again at the Court held Tuesday, Nov 22d. on which day Mr Causton desired to speak with me. He then read me some affidavits which had been made September 15th last past; in one of which it was affirmed, that I then abused Mr. Causton in his own house, calling him liar, villain and so on. it was now likewise repeated before several persons, which indeed I had forgot, that i had been reprimanded at the last Court for an enemy to, and hinderer of, the public peace.
I again consulted my friends, who agreed with me, that the
*61 time we looked for was now come. and the next morning, calling on Mr. Causton, I told him, I designed to set out for England immediately. I set up an advertisement in the Great Square to the same effect and quietly prepared for my journey.
12.2 I proposed to set out for Carolina about noon, the tide then serving. but about 10, the Magistrates sent for me and told me, I must not go out of the province; for I had not answered the allegations laid against me. I replied, 'I have appeared at 6 or 7 Courts successively, in order to answer them. but i was not suffered so to do, when I desired it time after time'. then they said, however, I must not go, unless i would give security to answer those allegations at their Court. I asked, 'What security?' after consulting together about two hours, the Recorder showed me a kind of bod, engaging me, under a penalty of 50 pounds, to appear at their Court when I should be required. He added, 'But Mr. Williamson too has desired of us, that you should give bail to answer his action'. I then told him plainly, 'Sir, you use me very ill, and so you do the Trustees. I will give neither any bond, nor any bail at all. You know your business and I know mine'.
in the afternoon, the magistrates published an order, requiring all the officers and centinels to prevent my going out of the province; and forbidding any person to assist me so to do. being now only a prisoner at large, in a place where I knew by experience, every day would give fresh opportunity to procure evidence of words I never said and actions I never did; I saw clearly the hour was come for leaving this place: and as soon as Evening Prayers were over, about 8 o'clock, the tide then serving, I shook off the dust of my feet and left Georgia, after having preached the Gospel there (not s i ought, but as i was able) one year and nearly nine months.
during this time i had frequent opportunities of making many observations and inquiries concerning the real state of this province, (which has been so variously represented,) the English settlements therein, and the Indians that have intercourse with them. these I minuted down from time to time; a small extract of which I have subjoined.
1. Georgia lies in the 30th and 31st degree of north latitude. the air is generally clear, the rains being much shorter, as well as heavier, than in England. the dews are very great.
*62 thunder and lightning are expected almost every day in May, June, July and August. they are very terrible, especially to a stranger. during those months, from 10 in the morning to 4 in the afternoon, the sun is extremely scorching. but the mid-day sun is always warm even when the mornings and evenings are very sharp and the nights piercing cold.
2. the land is of 4 sorts, -pine-barren, oak-land, swamp, and marsh. the pine-land is of far the greatest extent, especially near the sea-coasts. the soil of this is a dry, whitish sand, producing shrubs of several sorts, and between them a spiny, coarse grass, which cattle do not love to feed on. but here and there is a little of a better kind, especially in the savannahs. (so they call the low, watery meadows, which are usually intermixed with pine-lands.) it bears naturally two sorts of fruit, -hurtle-berries, (much like those in England,) and Chincopin-nuts; a dry, harsh nut, about the size of a small acorn. a laborious man may, in one year, clear and plant 4 or 5 acres of this land: It till produce, the first year, from two to four bushels of Indian corn and from four to eight of Indian pease, per acre. the second year it usually bears half as much; the third, less; the fourth, nothing.
3. vines, mulberries and peach-trees it bears well. the white mulberry is not good to eat. the black is about the size of a blackberry and has much the same flavour. in fresh pine-land, Indian potatoes grow well; (which are more luscious and larger than the irish;) and so do water-melons and sewee-beans, about the size of our scarlet, but to be shelled and eaten like Windsor beans.
4. Oak-land commonly lies in narrow streaks between pineland and some swamp, creek or river. the soil is a blackish sand, producing several kinds of oak, (though none exactly like the English, ) bay, laurel, ash, walnut, sumac-trees, gum-trees, (a sort of sycamore,) dog-trees, (covered in spring with large white flowers) and many hickory-trees, which bear a bad kind of walnut. in the moistest part of this land some porsimmon-trees grow, (which bear a sort of yellow, clear, luscious plum) and a few mulberry and cherry trees. the common wild grapes are of two sorts, - both red: the fox-grape grows two or three only on a stalk, is thick-skinned, large-stoned, of a harsh taste,
63 and of the size of a small Kentish cherry. the cluster-grape is of a harsh taste too and about the size of a white currant.
5. this land requires much labour to clear; but when it is cleared, it will bear any grain, for 3,4 or sometimes 5 years, without laying any manure upon it. an acre of it generally bears 10 bushels of Indian corn, besides 5 of pease, in a year. so that this at present is justly esteemed the most valuable land in the province.
6. a swamp is, any low, watery place, which is covered with trees or canes. they are here of 3 sorts, cypress, river and cane swamps. cypress-swamps are mostly large ponds, in and round which cypresses grow. most river-swamps are overflown every tide, by the river which runs through or near them. if they were drained, they would produce good rice; as would the can-swamps also; which is all a quagmire and absolutely good for nothing; and hard marsh, which is a firm by barren sand, bearing only sour rushes. marshes of both sorts abound on the sea islands, which are very numerous, and contain all sorts of land. and upon these chiefly, near creeks and runs of water, juniper-trees and cedars grow.
7. the marshes are of two sorts: soft marsh, which is all a quagmire and absolutely good for nothing; and hard marsh, which is a firm, but barren sand, bearing only sour rushes. marshes of both sorts abound on the sea islands, which are very numerous, and contain all sorts of land. and upon these chiefly, near creeks and runs of water, juniper trees and cedars grow.
8. Savannah stands on a flat BLUFF, (so they term any highland hanging over a creek or river,) which rises 45' perpendicular from the river and commands it several miles both upward and downward. the soil is a white sand to above a mile in breadth, south-east and north-west. beyond this, eastward, is a river-swamp; westward a small wood, in which was the old Indian town. on the other side of the river is a marshy island, covered with large trees. south-west of the town is a large pine-barren, which extends backward to a branch of the Alatamahaw river.
9. St. Simon's island, having on the south-east the Gulf of Florida, on the other sides, branches of the Alatamahaw, is about 100 miles south of Savannah, and extends in length about 20, in breadth from two to five miles. on the west side of it, on a low bluff, stands, Frederica, having woods to the north and south; to the east, partly woods, partly savannahs and partly marshes. the soil is mostly a blackish sand. there is not much pine-land on the island;
*64 the greatest part being oak-land, intermixed with many savannahs and old Spanish or Indian fields.
10. on the sea-point, about 5 miles south-east of the town, is the fort were the soldiers are stationed. but the storehouse in Frederica better deserves that name; being encompassed with regular ramparts of earth and a palisaded ditch, and mounted with cannon, which entirely command the river.
11. about 20 miles north-west from St. Simon's is Darien, the settlement of the Scotch Highlanders, a mile from fort King George, which was built about seventeen and abandoned about eleven years since. the town lies on the main land, close to a branch of the alatamahaw, on a bluff about 30 feet above the river, having woods on all sides. the soil is a blackish sand. they built at first many scattered huts; but last spring, (1736) expecting the spaniards, they built themselves a large fort and all retired within the walls of it.
12. Augusta, distant from Savannah 150 miles and five from old Savannah Town, is designed to stand in an old Indian field, on a bluff, about 30 feet high. a small fort of wooden piles was built there in 1737; but no house was then build, nor any more ground cleared, than Mr. Lacy and his men found so.
13. Old-Ebenezer, where the Saltzburghers settled at first, lies 25 miles west of Savannah. a small creek runs by the town, down to the river, and many brooks run between the little hills: but the soil is a hungry, barren sand; and upon any sudden shower, the brooks rise several feet perpendicular, and overflow whatever is near them. since the Saltzburghers removed, two English families have been placed there: but these too say, that the land is good for nothing; and that the creek is of little use; it being by water 20 miles to the river; and the water generally so low in summer-time, that a boat cannot come with 6 or 7 miles of the town.
14. New-Ebenezer, to which the Salzburghers removed in march, 1736, lies 6 miles eastward from the old, on a high bluff, near the savannah river. here are some tracts of fruitful land, though the greatest part of that adjoining to the town is pine-barren. the huts, 60 in number, are neatly and regularly built; the little piece of ground allotted to each for a garden is everywhere put to the best use, no spot being left unplanted. nay, even one of the main streets, being one more
*65 than was as yet wanted, bore them this year a crop of Indian corn.
15. about 10 miles east of this, on a creek, 3 miles from the river, was the village of Abercorn. 19 families settled here in 1733; but it is now without inhabitant. 4 miles below the mouth of Abercorn-Creek is Joseph's Town, the settlement of 2 Scotch gentlemen. a mile below was Sir Francis Bathurst's plantation: and a quarter of a mile from this, Walter Augustine's settlement. but both these are left without inhabitant.
16. a mile below this is Captain Williams's plantation: a mile from thence, Mrs. Mathews's (late Musgove,) commonly known by the name of the Cowpen: adjoining to which is the land belonging to Captain Watson; on which is an unfinished house, swiftly running to ruin. a mile from this is Irene, a house built for an Indian school, in the year 1736. it stands on a small, round hill, in a little piece of fruitful ground, given by the Indians to Mr. Ingham. the Indian town is within a furlong of it.
17. 5 miles south-west of Savannah, on a small rise, stands the village of Highgate. it has pine-land on three sides and a swamp on the fourth. 12 families were placed here in 1733; nine whereof remain there. a mile eastward of this is Hampstead, settled with 12 families also, a little before Highgate; 5 of which are still remaining.
18. 6 miles south-east of Savannah is Thunderbolt: 3 families are settled here, near a small, ruinous fort. 4 miles south of this is the island of Skidoway: on the northeast point whereof 10 families were placed in 1734; (a small fort was built here likewise: ) but 9 of them are either dead or removed to other places. a small creek divides Skidway from Tybee-island, on the south-east part of which, fronting the inlet, the lighthouse is built. 10 families were settled here in 1734; but they are part dead and part removed, so that the island is now again without any fixed inhabitant.
19. 12 miles southward from Savannah (by land) is Mr. Houstoun's plantation: and 40 or 50 miles from him, up Ogeechy river, that where Mr. sterling for some time lived, Fort Argyle stands 20 miles from this, on a high bluff, by the river Ogeechy. it is a small, square, wooden fort, musket-proof. 10 freeholders were settled near it; but 8 of them
*66 are gone, and the land they had cleared, lying waste, will, in a few years, be as it was before.
20. the southermost settlement in Georgia is Fort St. Andrew. it stands 50 miles south of Frederica, on the south-west side of Cumberland Island, upon a high neck of land, which commands the river both ways. the walls are of wood, filled up with earth, round which are a ditch and palisade.
21. it is hard to pick out any consistent account of the Georgian Indians from the contradictory relations of their traders. the following is extracted, partly from the relations of such as have been occasionally amongst them and have no interest in making them better or worse than they are.
22. Of the Georgian Indians in general it may be observed, that they are not so properly nations, as tribes or clans, who have wandered thither at different times; perhaps expelled their native countries by stronger tribes; but how or when they cannot tell, being none of hem able to give any rational account of themselves. they are inured to hardships of all kinds and surprisingly patient of pain. but as they have no letters, so they have no religion, no laws, no civil government. nor have they any kings or princes, properly speaking; their meekos, or headmen, having no power either to command or punish, no man obeying them any farther than he pleases. so that every one doeth what is right in his won eyes; and if it appears wrong to his neighbour, the person aggrieved usually steals on the other unawares, and shoots him, scalps him or cuts off his ears: having only two short rules of proceeding, - to do what he will and what he can.
23. they are likewise all, except, perhaps, the Choctaws, gluttons, drunkards, thieves, dissemblers, liars. they are implacable, unmerciful; murderers of fathers, murderers of mothers, murderers of their own children: it being a common thing for a son to shoot his father or mother because they are old and past labour; and for a woman either to procure abortion, or to throw her child into the net river, because she will go with her husband to the war. indeed, husbands, strictly speaking, they have none; for any man leaves his wife ( so called) at pleasure, who frequently, in return, cuts the throats of all the children she has had by him. whoredom they account no crime and few instances appear of a young indian woman's
*67 refusing any one. nor have they any fixed punishment for adultery; only, if the husband take his wife with another man, he will do what he can to both, unless speedily pacified by the present of a gun or a blanket...
*69 12.7 ...I took the boat for Charles-Town...here I expected trials of a different kind and far more dangerous. for contempt and want are easy to be borne: But who can bear respect and abundance?
*70 12.26 - I began instructing a Negro lad in the principles of christianity. the next day I resolved to bread of living delicately and return to my old simplicity of diet; and after I did so, neither my stomach nor my head much complained of the motion of the ship.
12.28 - finding the unaccountable apprehensions of i know not what danger, (the wind being small and the sea smooth
*71 which had been upon me several days, increase, I cried earnestly for help; and it pleased God, as in a moment, to restore peace o my soul.
1.1.1738 - all in the ship (except the Captain and steersman) were present both at the morning and Evening service and appeared as deeply attentive, as even the poor people of Frederica did, while the word of God was new to their ears. and it may be, one or two among these likewise may 'bring forth fruit with patience.
1.2 -being sorrowful and very heavy, (though I could give no particular reason for it,) and utterly unwilling to speak close to any of my little flock, (about 20 persons), I was in doubt whether my neglect of them was not one cause of my own heaviness. in the evening, therefore, I began instructing the cabin-boy; after which I was much easier.
I went several times the following days, with a design to speak to the sailors, but could not. I mean, I was quite averse from speaking; I could not see how to make an occasion, and it seemed quite absurd to speak without. is not this what men commonly mean by, 'I could not see how to make an occasion and it seemed quite absurd to speak without. is not this what men commonly mean by, 'I could not speak? and is this a sufficient cause of silence, or no? and is this a sufficient cause of silence, or no? is it a prohibition from the Good Spirit ? or a temptation from nature, or the evil one?
*72 1.7 I began to read and explain some passages of the Bible to the young Negro. the next morning, another Negro who was on board desired to be a hearer too. from them I went to the poor Frenchman, who, understanding no English, had none else in the ship with whom he could converse. and from this time, I read and explained to him a chapter in the Testament every morning.
1.8 in the fulness o my heart, I wrote the following words: -
'by the most infallible of proofs, inward feeling, I am convinced,
1. of unbelief; having no such faith in Christ as will prevent my heart from being troubled; which it could not be, if I believed in God and rightly believed also in him;
2. of pride, throughout my life past; inasmuch as I thought I had what I find I have not:
3. of gross irrecollection; inasmuch as in a storm I cry to God every moment: in a calm, not:
4. of levity and luxuriancy of spirit, recurring whenever the pressure is taken off and appearing by my speaking words not tending to edify; but most by my manner of speaking of my enemies.
Lord, save, or I perish! Save me.
1. by such a faith as implies peace in life and in death:
2. by such humility, as may fill my heart from this hour for ever, with a piercing uninterrupted sense, Nihil est quod hactenus feci (foot - I have done nothing hitherto)
3. by such a recollection as may cry to Thee every moment, especially when all is calm; give me faith or I die; give me a lowly spirit; otherwise, mihi non sit suave vivere. (foot - Let life be a burden to me.)
4. by steadiness, seriousness, semnotAs, sobriety of spirit; avoiding, as fire, every word that tendeth not to edifying; and never speaking of any who oppose me, or sin against god, without all my own sins set in array before my face.
this morning, after explaining these words of St. Paul, 'I beseech you, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, I
*73 exhorted my fellow-travellers with all my might, to comply with the apostle's direction. but leaving them afterwards to themselves,' the seriousness they showed at first soon vanished away.
on Monday 1.9 and the following days, I reflected much on that vain desire, which had pursued me for so many years, of being in solitude, in order to be a christian. I have now, thought I, solitude enough. but am I, therefore, the nearer being a christian? not if Jesus Christ be the model of christianity. I doubt, indeed, I am much nearer that mystery of Satan, which some writers affect to call by that name. so near, that I had probably sunk wholly into it, had not the mercy of God just now thrown me upon reading St. Cyprian's works. 'O my soul come not thou into their secret1 stand thou in the good old paths.
1.13 we had a thorough storm, which obliged us to shut all close; the sea breaking over the ship continually. I was at first afraid; but cried to God and was strengthened. before 10, I lay down: I bless god, without fear. about midnight we were awakened by a confused noise of seas and wind and men's voices, the like o which I had never heard before. the sound of the sea breaking over and against the sides of he ship, I could compare o nothing but large canon, or american thunder. the rebounding, starting, quivering motion of the ship much resembled what is said o earthquakes. the Captain was upon deck in an instant. but his men could not hear what he said. it blew a proper hurricane which beginning at south-west, then went west, north-west, north, and, in a quarter o an hour, round by the east to the south-west point again. at the same time the sea running (as they term it) mountain-high, and that from many different points at once, the ship would not obey the helm; nor indeed could the steersman, through the violent rain, see the compass. so he was forced to let her run before the wind, and in half an hour the stress of the storm was over.
about noon the next day it ceased. but first I had resolved, god being my helper, not only to preach it to all, but to apply the word of God to very single soul in the ship; and if but one, yea, if not one of hem will hear, I know 'my labour is not in vain'.
I no sooner executed this resolution, than my spirit revived; so that from this day I had no more of that fearfulness and
*74 heaviness, which before almost continually weighed me down. I am sensible one who thinks the being in orco, as they phrase it, an indispensable preparative for being a christian, would say, I had better have continued in that sate; and that his unseasonable relief was a curse, not a blessing. nay, but who art thou, O man, who, in favour of a wretched hypothesis, thus blasphemest the good gift of God? hath not He Himself said, 'this also is the gift of God, if a man have power to rejoice in his labour?' yea, God setteth His own seal to his weak endeavours, while He thus 'answereth him in the joy of his heart'.
1.24 we spoke with 2 ships, outward-bound, from whom we had the welcome news, of our wanting but 160 leagues of the Land's-end. my mind was now full of though; part of which I writ down as follows: -
We went to America, to convert the Indians; but O! who shall convert me? who, what is he that will deliver me from this evil heart of unbelief? I have a fair summer religion. I can talk well; nay, and believe myself, while no danger is near: but let death look me in the face, and my spirit is troubled. nor can i say, 'to die is gain!'
I have a sin of fear, that when I've spun
my last thread, I shall perish on the shore!
'I think, verily, if the Gospel be true, I am safe: for I not only have given and do give, all my goods to feed the poor; I not only give my body to be burned, drowned, or whatever God shall appoint for me; but I follow after charity, (though not as I ought, yet as I can,) if haply I may attain it. I NOW believe the Gospel is true. 'I show my faith by my works', by staking my all upon it. I would do so again and again a 1000 times, if the choice were still to make. whoever sees me, sees I would be a christian. therefore 'are my ways not like other men's ways'. therefore I have been, I am, I am content to be, 'a by-word, a proverb of reproach'. but in a storm I think, 'what if the gospel be not true? then thou art of all men most foolish. for what hast thou given thy goods, thy ease, thy friends, thy reputation, thy country, thy life? for what art thou wandering over the face of the earth? - a dream, 'a cunningly-devised fable!' O! who will deliver me from this fear of death? what shall I do? where shall I fly
*75 from it? should I fight against it by thinking or by not thinking of it? a wise man advised me some time since, 'be still and go on'. perhaps this is best, to look upon it as my cross; when it comes, to let it humble me and quicken all my good resolutions, especially that of praying without ceasing; and at other times, to take no thought about it, but quietly to go on 'in the work of the Lord'.
we went on with a small, fair wind, till thursday in the afternoon; and then sounding, found a whitish sand at 75 fathom: but having had no observation for several days, the Captain began to be uneasy, fearing we might either get unawares into the Bristol Channel, or strike in the night on the rocks of Scilly.
1.28 was another cloudy day; but about 10 in the morning (the wind continuing southerly) the clouds began to fly just contrary to the wind, and, to the surprise of us all, sunk down under the sun, so that at noon we had an exact observation; and by this we found we were as well as we could desire, about 11 leagues south of Scilly.
1.29 - we saw English land once more; which, about noon, appeared to be the Lizard-point. we ran by it with a fair wind; and at noon, the next day, made the west end of the Isle of Wight.
here the wind turned against us and in the evening blew fresh, so that we expected (the tide being likewise strong against us) to be driven some leagues backward in the night: but in the morning, to our great surprise, we saw Beachy-head just before us and found we had gone forwards near 40 miles.
toward evening was a calm; but in the night a strong north wind brought unsafe into the Downs. the day before, Mr. Whitefield had sailed out, neither of us then knowing any thing of the other. at 4 in the morning we took boat, and in half an hour landed at Deal: it being Wednesday, 2.1, the anniversary festival in Georgia for Mr. Oglethorpe's landing there.
it is now 2 years and almost 4 months since I left my native country, in order to teach the Georgian Indians the nature of Christianity: but what have I learned myself in the meantime? why, (what I the least of all suspected,) that I who went to America to convert others, was never myself converted
*76 to God. (foot - I am not sure of this. ...and handwritten afterward in pencil are some reader's words, 'corrected by Wesley in 1774'...so then late in life he felt differently...) I am not mad, though I thus speak; but 'I speak the words of truth and soberness; ' if haply some of those who still dream ,may awake and see, that as i am, so are they.
are they read in philosophy? so was I. in ancient or modern tongues? so was I also. are they versed in the science of divinity? I too have studied it many years. can they talk fluently upon spiritual things? the very same could i do. are they plenteous in alms? behold, I gave all my goods to feed the poor. do they give of their labor as well as of their substance? I have laboured more abundantly than they all. are they willing to suffer for their brethren? I have thrown up my friends, reputation, ease, country; I have put my life in my hand, wandering into stranger; I have given my body to be devoured by the deep, parched up with heat, consumed by toil and weariness, or whatsoever God should please to bring upon me. but does all this (be it more or less, it matters not) make me acceptable to God? does all I ever did or can know, say, give, do, or suffer, justify me in His sight? yea, or the constant use of all the means of grace? (which, nevertheless, is meet, right, and our bounden duty.) or that I know nothing of myself; that I am, as touching outward, moral righteous blameless? or (to come closer yet) the having a rational conviction of all the truths of christianity? does all this give me a claim to the holy, heavenly, divine character of a christian? by no means . if the Oracles of God are true, if we are still to abide by 'the law and the testimony'; all these things, though, when ennobled by faith in Christ, (foot - I had even then the faith of a Servant, though not that of a Son.) they are holy and just and good, yet without it are 'dung and dross', meet only to be purged away by 'the fire that never shall be quenched'.
this, then, have I learned in the ends of the earth - that I 'am fallen short of the glory of God': that my whole heart is 'altogether corrupt and abominable'; and, consequently, my whole life; (seeing it cannot be, that an 'evil tree' should 'bring forth good fruit':) that 'alienated' as I am from the life of God, I am 'a child of wrath', (foot - 'I believe not'.) an heir of hell: that my own works, my own sufferings, my own righteousness, are so far from reconciling me to an offended God, so far from making any atonement for the least of those sins, which 'are
*77 more in number than the hairs of my head', that the most specious of them need an atonement themselves , or they cannot abide his righteous judgment; that 'having the sentence of death' in my heart, and having nothing in or of myself to plead, I have no hope, but that of being justified freely, 'through the redemption that is in Jesus:' I have no hope, but that if I seek I shall find Christ and 'be found in Him not having my own righteousness, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith'. Phil. 3.9
if it be said, that I have faith, (for many such things have I heard, from many such things have I heard, from many miserable comforters,) I answer, so have the devils, - a sort of faith; but still they are strangers to the covenant of promise. so the apostles had even at Cana in Galilee, when Jesus first 'manifested forth His glory'; even they they, in a sort, 'believed on Him; but they had not then 'the faith that overcometh the world'. the faith I want is (foot - the faith of a son) 'a sure trust and confidence in god, that, through the merits of Christ, my sins are forgiven, and I reconciled to the favour of God'. i want that faith which St. Paul recommends to all the world, especially in his Epistle to the Romans; that faith which enables every one that hath it to cry out, 'I live not; but Christ liveth in me; and the life which I now live, I live by faith in the son of god, who loved me and gave Himself for me'. I want that faith which none can have without knowing that he hath it; (though many imagine they have it, who have it not) for whosoever hath it, who have it not) for whosoever hath it, is 'freed from sin, the ' whole 'body of sin is destroyed' in him: He is freed from fear, 'having peace with God through Christ and rejoicing in hope of the glory of God'. and he is freed from doubt, 'having the love of God shed abroad in his heart, through the Holy Ghost which is given unto him' ; which 'Spirit itself beareth witness with his spirit, that he is a child of God'.
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