12.12.2012 HOMOSEXUALITY AND CHANGE: IS IT POSSIBLE?

the following article is in the winter 2012 harvest news, a publication by harvest USA.
HARVEST USA i a faith operated ministry.
most of our work is given freely or at low cost.
we are supported entirely by churches and individuals who are convinced of our mission.
our mission is to partner with and equip  the church in  bringing the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ to transform the lives of those affected by sexual struggles and sin.
proclaiming Christ as Lord to a sexually broken world
equipping the church to minister to sexually broken people

the article is written by david white

'i love children.
i've always wanted a family.
i just can't imagine myself ever getting married.
i mean, how would sex even work
i don't think this is working'.
'frank' shook his head and threw up his hands in exasperation.
a christian man in his 30s, wrestling with same-sex attraction (SSA),
he was beaten down by the relentlessness of his temptation and his seeming inability to change.
like most men and women struggling with SSA,
frank hoped coming to harvest USA would translate into deliverance from his homosexual desires.
for him, defeating SSA meant


eradicating ongoing homosexual temptation and essentially becoming heterosexual.
this is what change means for many people and anything short of that feels like a 'bait and switch'.
first, we need to acknowledge that the ongoing, persistent nature of a struggle with SSA is very hared for those who desire to follow God's word regarding His design for sexuality.
for the vast majority of men and women, it will be a lifelong experience in this fallen world.
it is a unique and, at times, excruciating cross they are called to bear,
but it is not a hopeless journey.
for it is there, in that struggle, that God wants to meet them.
(for a fuller description of how god uses our battles with temptation for our good and His glory,
please see my prior harvest news article, 'suffering with temptation at harvestusa.org;
click on Resources/Articles/Same-Sex Attraction).

conflicting views of change
in our culture there is a cacophony of voices expressing radically divergent perspectives on change.
because the media shouts the loudest,
a growing number of people have adopted the view that SSA is 'inborn and unchangeable'.
after all, no one ever asked to have SSA.
the desires come unbidden and they stubbornly persist.
it is never a conscious choice.
although direct genetic and/or physiological origins have never been scientifically proven,
the spirit of the age insistently asserts that altering sexual orientation
is as futile as trying to change skin color.
 it is argued that the very attempt is psychologically harmful,
so california recently made it illegal for therapists to talk to teenagers about the possibility of change.

sadly, even the church's voice has too frequently been unhelpful.
to begin with, homosexuality is often viewed as particularly abhorrent
and far more broken than heterosexual brokenness.
further, some christians act like SSA is simply a chosen 'life style' that can be easily deselected.
perhaps more pervasive is a triumphalist christianity that suggests
any significant sin struggle is easily overcome as long as someone has enough faith.
this is why i tend to cringe at the typical church testimony,
'my life was a mess, but then i got saved and now everything is grand!'
anything short of painless, temptation free, easy obedience
is chalked up to an individual's failure to really believe,
as if our journey in this life is a gentle sunday stroll to heaven.

finally, most people (particularly those who struggle with the issue)
see change as nothing less than the utter eradication of their SSA,
coupled with a big boost in heterosexual desire.
mistakenly, they believe that ultimate change means
a traditional marriage,
children,
a house in the burbs with a white picket fence and
eventually grandchildren.
there is an understandable longing to find relief
from the unwanted attraction and the ongoing temptation,
but this expectation goes far beyond the promises of the bible.
how can we sort through all these dissonant voices?

re-aligning the focus
since freud, our culture has placed an inordinate focus on our sexuality.
so many women wrestle with body image because they are programmed to believe
that sex appeal is one of the most important aspects of their person.
in this environment, it's not surprising that people
build their fundamental identity around their sexuality.
this is not what it means to be human.
the bible gives us two primary categories for identity formation,
tied to the reality that we are body and spirit.
first, we are created as God's 'image bearers', either male or female,
and second, we are either 'in Christ' or not.
perhaps this sounds overly simple, but to be 'in Christ' means
to be an adopted child of God,
an heir to His eternal kingdom.
our identity is completely bound up in Him-
this union with Him is both foundational and of infinitely greater worth
than what our culture proclaims is our sexual 'orientation'.
a biblical anthropology does not recognize 'sexual orintation' as a core identity marker.
this is why i am very concerned by the growing number of Christians who
uphold biblical sexual morality in practice,
but maintain the identity of a 'celibate, gay christian'.
God doesn't want our identity wrapped up in
the broken places of our humanity,
but in the glorious redemption that is ours in Christ!

men and women coming for ministry to harvest USA
are always surprised by how little we talk about sex.
seriously.
why?
 for us the issue is not sexual orientation;
we're not in the business of making people 'straight'.
for 30 years, our focus has always been the gospel-
that God has reconciled us to Himself through Christ, not counting our sins against us.
('for the love of Christ controls us,
having concluded this,
that one died for all,
therefore all died;
and He died for all,
that they who live should no longer live for themselves but
for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.
therefore from now on we recognize no man according to the flesh;
even though we have known Christ according to the flesh,
yet now we know Him thus no longer.
therefore if any man is in Christ,
he is a new creature;
the old things passed away;
behold, new things have come.
now all these things are from God,
who reconciled us to Himself through Christ,
and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.
namely, that God was in Christ
reconciling the world to Himself,
not counting their trespasses against them,
and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.
therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ,
as though God were entreating through us;
we beg you on behalf of Christ,
be reconciled to God.
He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf,
that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. II corinthians 5.14-21)

God initiated a relationship with us
and that relationship becomes the defining core of our identity.
the focus on who i am is no longer on my sexual attractions, desires or tendencies
(or anything else for that matter!)
increasingly, it's no on me at all-
my life is radically reoriented around Him.

...God's great love for us in Christ becomes the center of our identity
and the controlling factor in our lives.
in Jesus, we find the 'treasure in the field', the 'pearl of great value'
and everything formerly prized is counted
'as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord'
(see matthew 13. 44.6; philippians 3.8)
at harvest USA,  we believe the opposite of homosexuality isn't heterosexuality-
it is holiness.
to be holy means to be set apart for God.
this is what it means that we are reconciled to Him.
He is our God, we are His people.
to be a disciple means taking up a cross,
willing to lose my life for His sake,
believing His promise that in so doing i will actually find abundant life.
thus dietrich bonhoeffer wrote,
'when Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.

the bible's starting point
ultimately, the 'inborn and unchangeable' claim rests on personal experience, not science.
the arguments goes,
'i never asked for SSA.
i've always felt this way.
it is natural for me.
therefore God made me this way.
but here's rub:
the bible teaches that what is 'natural' to us is broken!
nothing in this world is the way it's supposed to be.
all of us have a sexuality in need of redemption.
what i mean is,
no one goes through life with blinders on,
experiencing a dormant sexuality
until they finally meet that special someone of the opposite gender,
get married,
and then spend the rest of their lives in starry eyed, selfless devotion to that person,
never looking to the left or right.
in a fallen world,
sexuality is bent in innumerable directions,
but ALL of us have a broken sexuality.
my wedding ring is completely foreign to me naturally.
apart from Christ, when i was single i cheated on every woman i dated.
i'm not naturally wired for monogamy-
i needed a radical, supernatural intervention by the Spirit of God
to overcome my 'natural' tendencies and begin living differently.

beginning in genesis 3 and running straight through to revelation,
the bible assumes that our 'natural' state is broken and anti-God,
meaning we live for self, not Him.
this is the natural 'orientation' for all humanity-
to live self determinative, autonomous lives apart from God.
this means who we are naturally is not God given!
our feelings, our attractions, the worldviews we develop as we are shaped by life,
can't be trusted.
thus the very starting point of pro-gay theology is completely unbiblical.
as c.s. lewis wrote,
'fallen man is not simply an imperfect creature who needs improvement;
he is a rebel who must lay down his arms.
in our pluralistic society, many choose to reject the bible's doctrine of man,
but for any who want to call their faith christian,
our broken natural state,
our utter inability to change ourselves
and our desperate need for God's supernatural intervention
is the only starting point for understanding what is wrong with us
(and the world at large!)
this is where change begins.

a biblical view of change
the hope of the gospel is that God does what is impossible for us:
He gives us a new heart that understands our need for His grace
 and embraces Christ by faith.
this new heart is what enables us to obey.
and, as we looked at above,
obedience begins to flow from affection for God
in response to His love for us.
although the new heart we are given when we come to Christ by faith is 'instantaneous',
the outworking in our lives is a lifelong process.
and the truth is that temptation, struggle and loss
will be a life long reality,
not just for the SSA struggler,
but for everyone who lives in this fallen world.

so to speak of change biblically means
in Christ we now have the ability to obey God
and align our life to His will and design.
transformation means
i am no longer a slave to my desires.
by His Spirit, God empowers us to obey-
in the face of ongoing temptation and the tug of our flesh.
listen to how paul describes this battle;
'for the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit,
and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh,
for these are opposed to each other,
to keep you from doing the things you want to do. galatians 5.17
as we live in relationship with Him,
and equally important,
 as we live authentically
(not false; genuine; real)
with others in the community of Christ,
the Spirit of God reins us in and even though we 'want' to continue pursuing sinful activities,
as we surrender to Him,
His hand restrains us in love.
because He knows what is best for us.

living in obedience is the demonstration that we know Christ
(my little children,
i am writing these things to you
that you may not sin.
and if anyone sins,
we have an advocate with the Father,
Jesus Christ the righteous;
and He Himself is the propitiation
(satisfaction of God's wrath) for our sins;
and not for ours only,
but also for those of the whole world.
and by this we know that we have come to know Him,
if we keep His commandments.
the one who says,
'i have come to know Him',
and does not keep His commandments,
is a liar,
and the truth is not in him;
but whoever keeps His word,
in him the love of God has truly been perfected.
by this we know that we are in Him... I john 2.1-5)
in our wisdom
change looks like the removal of SSA,
but God's purposes are powerfully at work in our suffering with temptation
(see my aforementioned article).
His promise is that there will always be away out of temptation
so we are able to endure it I corinthians 10.13.
God doesn't magically transport us out of the mess;
rather, like shadrach, meshach and abednego,
we need to pass through the fire,
but with a promise;
He is with us and we won't be consumed.
(..'when you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
when you walk through the fire,
you will not be scorched
nor will the flame burn you...
do not fear, for I am with you...see isaiah 43.1-7)

looking to the one who empowers change
will it be like this forever?
absolutely not!
(there'll be more on that on our blog..(truthandmercy.wordpress.com)
i realize that the thought of living with lifelong temptation,
with sexual attractions and pulls that you wish you didn't have,
can at times feel crushing,
but believe me,
it gets better.
temptation may persist,
but that doesn't mean it will be at the same intensity all the time.
i always tell people,
if there's a predator after you,
it makes a HUGE difference if it's a lion..or a gnat.
one will destroy your life;
the other is a nuisance.
the more you walk in obedience,
the more temptation will become less life-dominating
(more the 'nuisnce' and less the destructive threat.)
as you live according to His word,
seek the support of others in the body of Christ-

(note: or if you find no one,
get very close to the one who said,
'come unto to Me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.
take My yoke upon you and learn from Me
for I am gentle and humble in heart;
and you shall find rest for your souls.
for My yoke is easy and My burden is light. matthew 11.28-30
..fill every moment talking to Him, complaining to Him, praising and thanking Him, asking Him to give you guidance and beholding His beauty
...memorizing and meditating on His word
...agonizing to obey His commands,
especially to make disciples and to proclaim the good news of His loving death and powerful resurrection to make forgiveness and eternal life possible to everyone who will turn from their sins to Him as Lord and savior.)

which is absolutely essential for any change oriented movement.
as you intentionally turn from your idols
you begin to see reality more clearly.
you begin to see the hooks connected to the idols
that draw you in your struggle
away from obedience to Christ
(idols of
comfort,
pleasure,
avoidance of pain,
the need for relationship at any price,
to name a few.)
and you learn to identify them and avoid them.
more importantly, you begin to experience 'abundant life'
in your relationship with God and others;
relationships with others that can be deep, enriching and need not be sexualized.

in following Christ, many men and women
have experienced a lessening of SSA desires and attractions over time,
but some have not.
some have experienced growth in heterosexual desires
(especially with regard to a specific person of the opposite sex
that they love or are married to),
but some have never experienced a change in sexual desires.
the essence of the fruit of change
is the Spirit led ability to resist and turn from temptation to past desires
and we believe anyone in Christ can grow along that trajectory.
(the curve described by the path of a propelled object?)
will there be times of failure?
yes, as there is with anyone dealing with other deeply rooted issues,
like anger, overeating and various addictions and so on.

as i grieved the loss of my first wife,
facing the overwhelming challenge of being a single parent to twin teen girls,
God met me in my grief, loneliness and sexual longing as He never had before.
at one point, reading thought the gospel of matthew, two passages spoke to me.
FIRST, when Jesus was telling about His return,
He mentioned that He didn't know when that day will be-
only the Father knows.
consider that:
for 2000 years Jesus has been waiting,
perhaps patiently asking with each new morning,
'Father, is it today?
He has been waiting a LONG time.
this is not to diminish your time of waiting.
i'm not saying Jesus has it worse,
so buck up.
what i want you to see is that He knows what it takes to wait.
He knows exactly the grace you need as you are 'waiting' on Him, '
not just for the future when He returns,
but now, every day, trusting in Him
as He works change and growth in your life according to His timing.
SECOND, at the last supper,
He passed the cup
saying i would be the last time He would partake of the fruit of the vine
until He drank it with us in the kingdom.
He left us the supper and told us to feast frequently,
remembering Him until He returns,
but He Himself is fasting.
He is depicted in scripture as our victorious King,
ruling the universe by the word of His power,
but He is a patiently waiting and fasting King.
He is patient,
but eagerly looking forward to sitting down at the wedding feast with you and i..