this morning i experienced another, what i call for want of a better term, a spiritual brainstorm. sometimes they are brief and enable my hidden heart gates to swing open and weep in love for such a savior. often they go on for hours (like today) and very occasionally they have gone on for days on end. they are most usually spiritual or are becoming more so, maybe, over time. they 'look like' or are experienced as 'cascading thoughts'
as often, when this occurs, i have the desire to share the overflow and called my son. when mentioning spiritual brainstorm...a term i rarely use in conversation...he knew it was a propensity that my blessed mother had and he knew that it consisted of a flow of very distinct thoughts of an unusual nature. but he had never, evidently, been made aware by me that it is of a spiritual nature. today as we were talking and i was attempting to briefly tell him what God gave me for him (didn't make it..intro too long..5 minutes i gave myself was up...i have it down to share sunday when i visit silas and spend some time with the family) the thought came for the first time that this reminded me of jacobs ladder.
i have always wondered about the significance, beyond the obvious fact that God was manifesting Himself to jacob, that jacob's ladder has. messangers (the meaning of 'angel) coming down from God to jacob. (i am moved right now to try and see what the commentators say this evening...maybe God is trying to tell me something more..) but i am still awash and in a heightened state of closeness to God as a result of all the messengers he cascaded onto the little eating table i sat at 'receiving', weeping, glorying in Him this morning. i can't wait to be with Him...forever..
Thursday, November 29, 2012
11.28.2012 CONSECRATION IV OR 'WHY CAN'T I TELEPHONE RUSS OR DOUG?'
i'm long winded so if you only have a minute the short answer is,
'because God has enabled me for the past three weeks to raise 'denying myself' to an increasingly restrictive level.
now the long answer from my log today..
they have called, russ several times and doug a number of times, without me responding.
that is very hard for me.
along with a multitude of other things in life, i am being taught, things that are very hard for me to not do-even if they are 'nice' or 'good'!
in regard to this issue,
it is very hard for me to ignore or turn away from something or someone whose need i know. now, reflectively, as i write that...i'm aware that that is not at all universal in application.
if i responded to every single thing i knew about as a need...well, obviously, that would be unworkable.
so...maybe this issue, uncovered, has to do more with my fear of man.
pridefully thinking that i am very independent and don't fear any man, God has been bringing me along in His school and showing me how much fear i have of many more people than i could have imagined. i do not at all fear God uniformly (if at all! probably that revelation is coming..) but i have made idols of many people, in regard to most of whom i have no conscious understanding of exactly why. but i am sure it has to do with having things and doing things like i want not like God wants.
so this russ and doug thing appears as one of a number of difficulties and temptations that have arisen as attempts to derail me from an increased level of self denial for the purpose of following God...that is getting done what He wants no matter what else does or does not get done.
three observations:
1. God wants me to focus on doing personal 'oughts or responsibilities' as He leads me. they are to have the first, and are to form the driving, focus of each day. what do You want me to do today? is the question to be answered and lived out. the goal is to do this for the first (if at all possible) 8 hours of the day..if not this is to be the minimum and maximum amount of time each day (if possible, up to a maximum of 40 hours a week. the goal is that this activity is to cease by 5 pm. ideally the final four hours are to be focused on the Lord. ie. prayer and fasting, study of the word, reaching out to people particularly made prominent in my spirit, reading (only) good books to a particular spiritual goal or growth, studying spanish...those are prominent right now. some may drop away. other things may be added. i don't have any idea. but the goal is that when i eat i eat, if possible, as soon after 5 as possible and then spend the rest of the night with the Lord..'to behold the beauty of the Lord and to enquire in His temple' as david says. hopefully this last will continually percolate into every minute of my short nano second left before, by His grace, i stand before Him clothed in His righteousness. (having said all that plans are great...and then there is reality. man proposes, God disposes...but this is a vision that has been taking shape for a fair amount of time and now, for the first time is being consciously pursued every day.)
2. this is not as easy as it sounds for i am addicted to SELF. i have lived a life of doing as i please..doing what i want before the 'inner ought' of regularly performing responsibilities given by God...strictly and only doing what God wants and not allowing myself to do what He wants (unless i subconsciously am storing up a lot of chips for later self activity). i have been justifying this by saying to myself, 'i'm ministering to others' when in fact my life in actuality is riddled with big chunks of time given to myself which reveals many further and hidden fleshly motives such as the fear of men.
THIS HABIT, SO INGRAINED AND SO DECEPTIVELY RATIONALIZED as being part and parcel of a life of and for God,
when it, in actuality, is brazen self worship,
HAS TO GO.
I'M STILL STRUGGLING MIGHTILY,
(now toward the end of the third week since this change)
by God's grace so far, to not turn back to my old way,
but with His help and by His power,
TO ESTABLISH A NEW HABIT OF LIFE....
a foundation upon which to truly begin being a slave of Jesus Christ,
one who's SELF is finally and totally and irrevocably under the complete control of another.
ie. struggle goes slower than liberty.
liberty, in god's mercy will come..
liberty to EASILY...thoughtlessly, willingly, eagerly
to do His will no matter what may oppose, no matter what is happening, no matter what the cost.
3. interestingly, though on a physical rather than spiritual/psychological level, i can now see clear indications that my elan vital is starting to fade away...
the great physical strength and endurance God has given me throughout life,
which has enabled me to work extremely hard, assiduously, undauntedly, doggedly is now exacting an increasing toll. most noted recently along with diminishing strength is the need for more sleep to be restored to 'go!' position. (i currently can't imagine lessening my intensity at work, but maybe God will help and gift me with increased 'pacing' to enable me not to need increased sleep...but you look at this paragraph with all the first person singular pronouns and must concede with me that this whole gift if completely taken away would only be another boon to the spirit.)
anyway, more time in bed means that you don't get to as many things as you used to.
the above three reasons, and possibly more, are why i cannot yet get back to russ and doug (or do this, that or the other thing.) 'hopefully soon', or, better put, 'in God's will and time'..
one interesting by product of the not doing what i want is that i am experiencing growing power over sin and in combating it and temptation to it.
when you are busy focusing completely on the accomplishment of an agenda that God has put in front of you this tends to squeeze out sins of the
thoughts (ie. listening to the continual yammering lies and accusations of the devil)
speech (ie. saying many idle and worthless words is replaced by restricting yourself (for time sake) to words that are focused briefly on what is most necessary and/or helpful)
and actions. (ie. if everything in the schedule is for God there's no time or room for wicked ways that continually clamor after your flesh)
although certain trenchant
(sharp, keen, vigorously effective)
lusts (evil desires) still are baying around me in the night of my old nature glued to satan who lies about, and the world system that excludes, God...such as gluttony
(ie. eating (or non-physical, consuming) anything at any time for any reason other than gaining necessary strength to do for God..)
is suspect of an enfeebled nature or a shortened life.
as God enables me to continue this practice, this habit, hopefully, by His power, this way of life of the control and denial of self (matthew 16.24)
He may or may not decide to duck tape their baying mouths...
but i consider it will probably, rather, be a blood bath to my last earthy breath.
'because God has enabled me for the past three weeks to raise 'denying myself' to an increasingly restrictive level.
now the long answer from my log today..
they have called, russ several times and doug a number of times, without me responding.
that is very hard for me.
along with a multitude of other things in life, i am being taught, things that are very hard for me to not do-even if they are 'nice' or 'good'!
in regard to this issue,
it is very hard for me to ignore or turn away from something or someone whose need i know. now, reflectively, as i write that...i'm aware that that is not at all universal in application.
if i responded to every single thing i knew about as a need...well, obviously, that would be unworkable.
so...maybe this issue, uncovered, has to do more with my fear of man.
pridefully thinking that i am very independent and don't fear any man, God has been bringing me along in His school and showing me how much fear i have of many more people than i could have imagined. i do not at all fear God uniformly (if at all! probably that revelation is coming..) but i have made idols of many people, in regard to most of whom i have no conscious understanding of exactly why. but i am sure it has to do with having things and doing things like i want not like God wants.
so this russ and doug thing appears as one of a number of difficulties and temptations that have arisen as attempts to derail me from an increased level of self denial for the purpose of following God...that is getting done what He wants no matter what else does or does not get done.
three observations:
1. God wants me to focus on doing personal 'oughts or responsibilities' as He leads me. they are to have the first, and are to form the driving, focus of each day. what do You want me to do today? is the question to be answered and lived out. the goal is to do this for the first (if at all possible) 8 hours of the day..if not this is to be the minimum and maximum amount of time each day (if possible, up to a maximum of 40 hours a week. the goal is that this activity is to cease by 5 pm. ideally the final four hours are to be focused on the Lord. ie. prayer and fasting, study of the word, reaching out to people particularly made prominent in my spirit, reading (only) good books to a particular spiritual goal or growth, studying spanish...those are prominent right now. some may drop away. other things may be added. i don't have any idea. but the goal is that when i eat i eat, if possible, as soon after 5 as possible and then spend the rest of the night with the Lord..'to behold the beauty of the Lord and to enquire in His temple' as david says. hopefully this last will continually percolate into every minute of my short nano second left before, by His grace, i stand before Him clothed in His righteousness. (having said all that plans are great...and then there is reality. man proposes, God disposes...but this is a vision that has been taking shape for a fair amount of time and now, for the first time is being consciously pursued every day.)
2. this is not as easy as it sounds for i am addicted to SELF. i have lived a life of doing as i please..doing what i want before the 'inner ought' of regularly performing responsibilities given by God...strictly and only doing what God wants and not allowing myself to do what He wants (unless i subconsciously am storing up a lot of chips for later self activity). i have been justifying this by saying to myself, 'i'm ministering to others' when in fact my life in actuality is riddled with big chunks of time given to myself which reveals many further and hidden fleshly motives such as the fear of men.
THIS HABIT, SO INGRAINED AND SO DECEPTIVELY RATIONALIZED as being part and parcel of a life of and for God,
when it, in actuality, is brazen self worship,
HAS TO GO.
I'M STILL STRUGGLING MIGHTILY,
(now toward the end of the third week since this change)
by God's grace so far, to not turn back to my old way,
but with His help and by His power,
TO ESTABLISH A NEW HABIT OF LIFE....
a foundation upon which to truly begin being a slave of Jesus Christ,
one who's SELF is finally and totally and irrevocably under the complete control of another.
ie. struggle goes slower than liberty.
liberty, in god's mercy will come..
liberty to EASILY...thoughtlessly, willingly, eagerly
to do His will no matter what may oppose, no matter what is happening, no matter what the cost.
3. interestingly, though on a physical rather than spiritual/psychological level, i can now see clear indications that my elan vital is starting to fade away...
the great physical strength and endurance God has given me throughout life,
which has enabled me to work extremely hard, assiduously, undauntedly, doggedly is now exacting an increasing toll. most noted recently along with diminishing strength is the need for more sleep to be restored to 'go!' position. (i currently can't imagine lessening my intensity at work, but maybe God will help and gift me with increased 'pacing' to enable me not to need increased sleep...but you look at this paragraph with all the first person singular pronouns and must concede with me that this whole gift if completely taken away would only be another boon to the spirit.)
anyway, more time in bed means that you don't get to as many things as you used to.
the above three reasons, and possibly more, are why i cannot yet get back to russ and doug (or do this, that or the other thing.) 'hopefully soon', or, better put, 'in God's will and time'..
one interesting by product of the not doing what i want is that i am experiencing growing power over sin and in combating it and temptation to it.
when you are busy focusing completely on the accomplishment of an agenda that God has put in front of you this tends to squeeze out sins of the
thoughts (ie. listening to the continual yammering lies and accusations of the devil)
speech (ie. saying many idle and worthless words is replaced by restricting yourself (for time sake) to words that are focused briefly on what is most necessary and/or helpful)
and actions. (ie. if everything in the schedule is for God there's no time or room for wicked ways that continually clamor after your flesh)
although certain trenchant
(sharp, keen, vigorously effective)
lusts (evil desires) still are baying around me in the night of my old nature glued to satan who lies about, and the world system that excludes, God...such as gluttony
(ie. eating (or non-physical, consuming) anything at any time for any reason other than gaining necessary strength to do for God..)
is suspect of an enfeebled nature or a shortened life.
as God enables me to continue this practice, this habit, hopefully, by His power, this way of life of the control and denial of self (matthew 16.24)
He may or may not decide to duck tape their baying mouths...
but i consider it will probably, rather, be a blood bath to my last earthy breath.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
11.22.2012 ALLENDER -TO BE TOLD II
chapter 1 - THE TALE TO BE TOLD
READING YOUR LIFE AS GOD HAS WRITTEN IT
'yes, that's so, said sam.
and we shouldn't be here at all, if we'd known more about it before we started.
but i suppose it's often that way.
the brave things in the old tales and songs, mr. frodo:
adventures, as i used to call them.
i used to think that they were things the wonderful folk of the stories went out and looked for, because they wanted them, because they were exciting and life was a bit dull, a kind of sport, as you might say.
but that's not the way of it with the tales that really mattered, or the ones that stay in the mind.
folk seem to have been just landed in them, usually-
their paths were laid that way, as you put it'.
that's an accurate description of life.
God is constantly writing our story, but he doesn't send us the next chapter to read in advance.
instead, we all read backward-
finding the meaning in our stories as we read what God has already written.
life is a story that unfolds in such a way that we can't see very far ahead.
we don't know the final outcome, or even the next plot twist,
until we're in the middle of it.
as say says to frodo in the fellowship of the ring:
'i wonder what sort of tale we've fallen into?
'i wonder, replied frodo.
but i don't know. and ghat's thee way of a real tale.
take any one that you're fond of.
you may know, or guess, what kind of a tale it is,
happy ending or sad ending,
but the people in it don't know.
and you don't want them to'.
WHAT SORT OF AUTHOR DO YOU HAVE?...you are a story.
you are not merely the possessor and teller of a num er of stories;
you are a well-written, intentional story that is authored by the greatest Writer of all time..
...God is the potter and we are the clay. even the word human-
derived from the latin word humus, meaning 'dirt'- shouts loudly about our origin.
we are dirt.
the name adam (hebrew, 'adama) means 'red', the color of clay.
God shaped, molded and formed us to reveal something about Himself..
He is a being who loves to reveal
and who invites us to join the process of revelation
by calling us to ask, seek, and knock.
God always intended for His children to join Him in completing creation.
we are not inanimate entities that merely reveal glory but living stories that are meant to create glory.
...both your plot and mine are formed in the circle of relationships into which we were born.
our plot includes the age or unique situation at the time of our birth.
it also involves the tension of the tragedy that is our lot inherited from the fall.
a plot is a thematic merry go round that circles in and out and around the curse of creation and makes movement from the beginning to the end a ride on a roller coaster.
remember, the narrative unfolding of beginning, middle and end does not always march in sequence.
WHAT SORT OF CHARACTERS POPULATE YOUR STORY? WHAT SORT OF PLOT DOES YOUR STORY HAVE?
...in many ways, the plot of our life is the story of humankind.
it is about how we came to be who we are (creation),
how we lost ourselves (the fall),
what it means to discover the name God has written for us (redemption),
and how the ending of our story reflects the great consummation of God's story (His coming).
our plot is an encounter with thee heartache and dreams and desires related to our personal tragedies-
the events of our life that occur between fall and redemption and, ultimately, glorification.
every life is under the curse, a consequence of adam and eve's turning from God to embrace the delectable lie of evil.
the most dramatic moment in the history of humanity,
other than the second adam's faithful surrender to the cross,
thrust humanity into the course of sorrow, loss, and harm.
every woman will labor with loneliness;
every man will struggle with futility.
it is write into the plot of the earth.
as a result of adam and eve's folly, we all have been cast east of eden.
we live as aliens who know we are not at home and
whose plot always involves efforts to rise above the tragedy of our condition.
we are looking for our eden and the intimacy we would have know with our heavenly parent had we not disobeyed.
at the same time, we are trying to make sense of the earthly parents we have been given.
and we are simultaneously trying to understand our time, face, and name.
in other words, we are trying to make sense of our story.
one wise person said anonymously,
'adversity introduces us to ourselves'.
....even when tragedy has nothing to do with physical death, it still involves a form of death in the shattering of shalom or harmony.
a divorce is a death.
sexual abuse is a death.
betrayal in a relationship
the loss of a job
conflict in a marriage
an auto accident
an illness,
loss of meaning
or hope
or joy-
all are forms of death.
in the bible God makes it clear that rebellion results in death. death lies at the heart of all tragedy and at the core of every personal narrative.
...tension is living in the gap between certainty and uncertainty.
we always begin with what we know and are irresistibly drawn to what we don't know.
we are inveterately curious.
we are wired to grow, and all growth stretches us beyond our comfort level.
...we want danger and excitement, but only as long as they cone with money back guarantee that everything will work our before the game is finished.
but life isn't like that.
there are no safe risks.
there is no growth that comes with a guarantee of success.
tension is the medium in which we breath every day.
...to understand our story, we need to know our tragedies,
and as we learn them,
we will catch a glimpse of how we currently manage tension.
repetitive patterns have become themes in our lives over time,
themes that impose structure on us even when a surface evaluation would tell us that these themes are nothing more than personal preference or desire.
we are not wholly our own,
nor are we exclusively the result of what has happened to us.
no wonder reading the plot of our lives is so difficult.
yet it is in the plot where we will find meaning.
it also is the only part of our story we can rewrite if the trajectory of our life is not as we desire.
i can't change my tragedies, nor can i really eliminate (fully) the characters in my story,
but i can write a new plot.
to do so requires reengaging the tragedies of my life with new patterns,
thereby developing new or additional themes
that mark who i am both as a coauthor of my life and an editor of my future.
doing this marks me as a character in a larger story,
a player who furthers the plot development
while living in the real world of tension and tragedy.
to know our plot is the first step in changing it.
WHAT SORT OF ENDING ARE YOU WRITING?
...the ending of my story is how i lived my life toward an aim,
a finish that is worth both dying for and living for.
if i live my life for me alone,
then my story is as dull as my self absorption,
even if i have survived untold adventures.
but if i live my life for Someone more important than myself
and i have sacrificed,
nobly risked,
been humbled,
learned,
grown and given,
then my life is headed toward a glorious ending.
what makes my life a glorious bestseller is that my plot reveals
not a mere moral or lesson
but the very person and being of God.
a merely good life reveals little beyond the fact that goodness exists.
but a life that knows its plot, characters, setting, dialogue and themes
will possess a clear and abiding passion that reveals something unique about the author.
a life that is familiar with its story reveals much about the character of God.
i don't believe God is so concerned that we build ministries-
or companies, families, or any other human legacy-
to His glory.
His glory is grown when we simply live out the calling He has given us.
we give Him much greater glory
when we are aware of our calling,
live intentionally,
and live with passion.
that's how we coauthor our own story.
chapter 2 - WHAT'S YOUR REAL NAME?
...dale carnegie developed a multimillion dollar business based on teaching people to
win friends and influence people by saying someone's name a minimum of 3 times during a conversation.
people apparently love to hear their own name.
a famous television sitcom sold the setting and premise for the show with the line,
'you want to go where everybody knows your name..
in the ancient near east a name confeerred meaning and a future
'to be lived up to or lived down'.
(notes, 'dictionary of biblical imagery, 1998)
a name marked a person with a set of expectations that determined the persons place
in the family and in the world.
today it is rare that parents first study a child in order to give the child a name that fits.
far more often wee pick a family name,
or we choose a name that sounds good and has a meaning that we like.
the hebrew process of naming was exactly the opposite.
a name was chosen that reflected the unique calling and character of the child.
(note, among others abraham, sarah and jacob had name changes by God later in life.)
...each change in nae points to a day when we will receive an entirely new name. the bible tells us that those who seek God will one day be given a new name:
'everyone who is victorious will eat of the manna that has been hidden away in heaven.
and I will give to each one a white stone and on the stone will be engraved
a new name that no one knows except the one who receives it. revelation 2.17
when i stand before God i will be given a new name...
the passage also reminds us that we are living in a world in between.
we are between two names.
we know our name;
we don't know what our new name will be.
...the result..is that we lose sight of the truth that we're on a journey to live out the story God has written for us...
paradoxically, we're moving toward the discovery of something we don't yet know but have already received...
the word mores, the latin word that means 'convention', is where we get our word morality.
we settle for the morality of our community,
in order to fit in,
to not be too different, odd or undesirable...
..we grow up in a sea of stories told in a way that fits what we want others to know about us...
chapter 3 -WHAT MAKES A GOOD STORY?
good stories tell about the intersection of desire (subjective expectation) and tragedy (cruel reality). a story begins when our desires collide head on with reality. sometimes reality is impersonal, like a storm theat sets into motion a flash flood that dills nine kids on a bus going to bible camp. but other times the cruelty is volitional. it could involve envious brothers, an unwise father who favors one son over the others, and a talkative, gifted younger brother who shares more about his dreams and desires than he should. good stories demand tragedy, and 'inciting incident'. and inciting incidents will always intensify our desire to listen to what the story is telling us-unless the inciting incident happens in our own story. often, when it occurs in our life, we want the story to be resolved and the problem solved-and quickly! we love stories as long as they happen to someone else.
stories don't give answers, but they do offer perspective. they provide a window through which we can look for patterns of life. peering through the window then leads to more compelling stories and finally deeper wisdom. wisdom ultimately isn't a formula or a conclusion but a way of being in the world that leads to a more truthful and more beautiful good. stories lure us because we sense this good hidden within them...
SHALOM
stories begin with life at peace. such shalom is not merely an absence of tension or the presence of perfect pleasure. it is a deep inner and external harmony when disparate parts flow togeher in a unity that is greater than the sum of the parts. it is like an excellent choir. at the state competition, when the tension and desire to do well are at their height, each member digs deeper and sings with an abandon that in turn stirs the combined whole, including the conductor, to reach even higher. as the piece moves to completion, the harmony intensifies to a level that is beyond what the choir has ever reached before. it is an experience of the fullness and beauty of shalom.
shalom often comes in a moment of tranquillity and innocence. as i wrote the last paragraph, i watched an eight month old child stand in her mother's lap and peer into her mother's eyes. her hands caressed her mothe's cheeks, and as she cooed, her mother echoed her tones. i stopped writing and stared. the moment of innocent, tender play between mother and daughter was captivating. such shalom is simultaneously invigorating and restful. it stirs and calms. it can bring the heart to a rest that may lead to sleep, but it is more likely to draw us to awe and wonder.
we all have moments of shalom. it is the moment we sat on our grandmother's lap and played with her pearl necklace. it is going downstairs on a winter morning and warming our feet against the furnace vent. i recall seeing my pajama pants billow with the flowing heat that made my toes toasty. i remember putting my head on a pillow to read a picture book until my mom called me to a breakfast of pancakes and warm syrup. that was shalom...
a moment of shalom is a taste of life in eden. it is life without sin, tragedy, emptiness or fear. search your own memory for moments of shalom. recall moments of rest, dafety and warmth...
SHALOM SHATTERED
shalom is shattered by sin, by the intrusion of a lie, a distortion of the truth that mars the pleasure of being naked, transparent, trusting and true. shalom is not shattered merely by the presence of something 'not good' because, in the garden of eden, God said that it was 'not good' for man to be alone. apparently, God wanted adam to know loneliness and absence in order to enter the glory of presence and companionship. mere absence is not tragedy, nor is our shalom shattered when we experience loneliness. instead, shattering occurs when ouur dignity is assaulted and death enters to divide and destroy.
consider the so called innocent teasing of childhood. a group of kids gathers around a timid classmate who is overweight:
'fatty pants, fatty pants, you're a big blubber butt!'
such words attack the most tender and raw part of the child's being. such words shatter shalom as sin severs trust and grows shame like a cancer. the result of the shattering is death. in every story, in every life, there are moments of death that take away our name and rename us as strangers, orphans, or widows.
at the moment of being unnamed, we are thrown into our story. we lose the name friend and are given the name reject. our story prior to the point of being unamed is a mild fluctuation between good and evil. it may be a boring or rather empty story, but at least it's safe. then tragedy enters the garden, and we are forever changed as we are cast from the sweet protection of shalom. from that point we embark on a journey that offers only intermittent moments of rest. our life is anything but mild, anything but safe.
joseph's life followed this pattern. he was relatively happy until he went to find his brothers. apparently, he wasn't used to being out in the rough and tumble world, but for some reason he was allowed to travel. his short trip became the starting point of a long and agonizing journey to an inhospitable foreign land.
obviously sshalom had been shattered long before this event, because joseph's brothers already hated him. but once the opportunity arose for them to punish hem, joseph's life journey truly began. tragedy always moves our story forward in a way that shalom could never accomplish.
josph's encounter with tragedy removed him from his father's benvolent provision. he went from most likely to succeed into shackled slavery. such a reversal of fortune, the shattering of shalom, takes away our idntity, reverses our expectations, and steals from us the security of our name. no longer was joseph favored son. he was now powerless slave.
listen to your own memory of times when you wer unnamed or destabilized by a shattering experience. some moments are monstrous, such as death dealing incidents of sexual abuse. or these moments can be as subtle and common as being mocked on a playground. in either case, the shattering moves us from a place of shalom to a place that is harsh and unrelenting. the shattering brins us a keen awareness that we are alone and in danger. we are on our own.
this is a pivotal point of our story. we need to name those moments and identify their settings, characters, dialogue and impact. doing this requires enormous honesty and courage, but it moves us more deeply into the plot of our life where we can once again imagine and pursue shalom.
SHALOM SOUGHT once we are evicted from the shalom of eden, we must figure out how to get food, where we are going to sleep and how we will make our way in the world. it's inconceivable to consider what adam and eve felt during their first night east of eden. life in the wild, surrounded by the formidable darkness, would require a radical new choice:
will i trust in God's goodness to protect me and provide for my needs or will i trust in myself?
the search for shalom is infused with the fundamental question of meaning"
is life as random, opointless and absurd as it seems?
or is it ordained, purposeful and meaningful?
what will win-the abundant indications of randomness or our desire for more than we can see?
the fact that we tell stories that are given menaing by structure implies an awareness that life is not essentially random. life surely has meaning, no matter who obscure or confusing.
the search for that meaning is give stucture by HONESTY, DESIRE, and RISK.
HONESTY IS NAMING THAT WE ARE NO LONGER IN EDEN.
our shalom has been compromised; we've been cast out of eden. but an amazing number of us never begin this journey because we won't fully admit that we have been exiled, orphaned and widowed. we want to believe we are still citizens and heirs, not aliens and fatherless children. but the story we are to live and write doesn't truly begin until we face what we have lost and then turn to see the horizon of uncertainty ahead. our story will gain momentum and depth only to the degree that we honestly embrace both loss and fear.
DESIRE BRIDGES OUR PAST AND OUR FUTURE
desire takes form through our dreams. for joseph, dreaming literally plunged him into his plight. telling his brothers that he saw them bowing down to him in a dream fueled their conspiracy to seell him into slavery.
but later, josph's dreaming reversed the shattering of his shalom. he was called from prison to report to pharaoh what God had been telling him about egypt's future in a dream. we're in the presence of a good story when the flaw that shatters shalom is also the doorway to redemption. that is, joseph's being exiled (the shattering) led to his relationship with pharaoh (his redemption). whether it be our won flaw or the sin of others, God uses the raw material of sin to create the edifice of His redeemed glory.
your plight is also your redemption.
the bible assumes that its stories are also our story. abraham, the father of faith, is sent of into exile. he's a settled man with a comfortable life, but God makes him an alien in a foreign land. like abraham, we will be called by God to leave our place of comfort. isaac, the son of laughter, is redeemed from death by God's provision, and we will know God's provision as well. jacob, the son of isaac, takes redemption into his own hands and ends up being an alien like his grandfather.
we are abraham, isaac and jacob. their stories are a paradigm of our own. each of us is called, redeemed and exiled-again and again. along the way, we are called to make choices consistent with the character we are called to play. our story evolves as we face the tough decisions that come our way.
joseph was forced to make a series of agonizing choices. he was a slave serving in a position of trust when potiphar's wife invited him into her bed chamber. he could choose to have illicit sex with the wife of one of the most powerful men in egypt. but instead of choosing pleasure, he fled her grasp. this was the right choice, of course, but joseph's integrity got him into trouble. potiphar's wife accused him of rape, and he was sent to jail. no matter that the accusation was false. joseph went to prison nonetheless.
and joseph's story increases in intensity. earlier in his life his pride had caused him to be dumped into the pit; later his integrity got him into deeper trouble.
in joseph's story, the Storyteller is telling us something about life and about our own story. he is showing us that life is not predictable. the simple equation
'do good and good will come to you, but do bad and you will pay the price' doesn't hold.
it is more accurate to say,
'do good or do bad, but in either case disaster awaits'.
the search for shalom, for example, took joseph to prison where he was face to face with two men whose fates couldn't be more different from each other's. joseph again told the truth boldly. and just at the point when you think his agony was finally over, it began again. instead of being rescued from prison, joseph was left in chains. two long years passed before one of joseph's former cellmates-the one whose dream had been interpreted favorably-remembered joseph and mentioned to pharaoh his ability to interpret dreams.
joseph no doubt lamented his situation, but God is not bound by time, nor is our story. we desperately want our situation solved. we want resolution. but God unfolds the plot in His own time. it is in our months or years of waiting that our story comes to maturity. it is over a lifetime of stories that he turns our desire toward Him.
desire lies at the heart of who God made us to be, who we are at our core. desire is both our greatest frailty and the mark of our highest beauty. our desire completes us as we become one with our lover, and it separates us from Him and brings death as it wars against His will. desire is life and it is death.
desire is also at the core of an honest story and it is the core tension of all life. if we choose to read our story, then we are choosing to enter a wild and woolly process of writing and editing our life to embrace both loss and fear, dreams dashed as well as dreams enlivened by resurrected desire.
RISK REQUIRES BLEEDING FOR OUR DREAMS
a dream without suffering is little more than a fantasy. risk, the third element that gives structure to our search, involves bleeding. too many people are missing their story because they're watching the stories of others...
fantasy often involves legitimate desire...such daydreams are highly revelatory, but what they lack is blood.fantasy becomes a life dream when i'm willing to plunge into the cold water of reality..such action-such living-only takes a willingness to bleed.
so listen to the converging stories of the present. there is most likely just a handful of stories standing front and center in your life. they involve either loss and uncertainty or great opportunity and risk. whether the story takes place in the arena of business, family, friendships, enemies, love, service or play, you can be assured that the inciting events call for you to sacrifice your comfort and ease in order for your story to move forward. it's easy to ignore such inciting events. just turn on the television or crack open a trashy novel. it's easy to flee your story.
but if we honestly name the passionate desires of our heart, and if we risk seeing those desires come to be, the plot of our life story will begin to move with greater intentionality. yet the only way we can keep walking on that path is to allow ourself moments to rest and celebrate the temporary climax of a story in a denouement.
DENOUEMENT
a denouement is not a complete or fully resolved ending but a satisfying closure to a story. it means in french
'an untying, a relaxing of a knot of complexity'.
denouement is the rest that comes when all the disparate plot lines of a story, gnarled and taut, have been untied and an order has come about that brings a new moment of shalom....
tragedy mars shalom, but denouement invites us to remember our innocence and dream of a day of even greater redemption. denouement is an ending that serves as the prelude for a new beginning; there is always the next turn in the road. a new story begins the moment the old one ends. but a denouement is a respite that calls us to stop the journey for a brief interlude-
to eat, drink, sing, dance, and tell our story to others...
YOUR STORY UNFOLDS
..every life is a story with a unique meaning, about a person who bears a unique name, and which shares a common structure with every other story. according to this structure, we all will journey through countless moments of shalom, shattering, and searching that bring us to a sweet season of rest and celebration. we don't just have stories;
we are a story.
it is our responsibility to know our story so we can live it out more intentionally and boldly for the great story, the gospel.
God writes our story not just for our own enlightenment and insight,
but to enlighten others and
to reveal His own story through our story.
we are to read our past to gain a greater sense of how to write our life in the present. the more we take responsibility to write our present to honor the past, the greater the number of stories there will be in the future that are lived for His glory. ..
READING YOUR LIFE AS GOD HAS WRITTEN IT
'yes, that's so, said sam.
and we shouldn't be here at all, if we'd known more about it before we started.
but i suppose it's often that way.
the brave things in the old tales and songs, mr. frodo:
adventures, as i used to call them.
i used to think that they were things the wonderful folk of the stories went out and looked for, because they wanted them, because they were exciting and life was a bit dull, a kind of sport, as you might say.
but that's not the way of it with the tales that really mattered, or the ones that stay in the mind.
folk seem to have been just landed in them, usually-
their paths were laid that way, as you put it'.
that's an accurate description of life.
God is constantly writing our story, but he doesn't send us the next chapter to read in advance.
instead, we all read backward-
finding the meaning in our stories as we read what God has already written.
life is a story that unfolds in such a way that we can't see very far ahead.
we don't know the final outcome, or even the next plot twist,
until we're in the middle of it.
as say says to frodo in the fellowship of the ring:
'i wonder what sort of tale we've fallen into?
'i wonder, replied frodo.
but i don't know. and ghat's thee way of a real tale.
take any one that you're fond of.
you may know, or guess, what kind of a tale it is,
happy ending or sad ending,
but the people in it don't know.
and you don't want them to'.
WHAT SORT OF AUTHOR DO YOU HAVE?...you are a story.
you are not merely the possessor and teller of a num er of stories;
you are a well-written, intentional story that is authored by the greatest Writer of all time..
...God is the potter and we are the clay. even the word human-
derived from the latin word humus, meaning 'dirt'- shouts loudly about our origin.
we are dirt.
the name adam (hebrew, 'adama) means 'red', the color of clay.
God shaped, molded and formed us to reveal something about Himself..
He is a being who loves to reveal
and who invites us to join the process of revelation
by calling us to ask, seek, and knock.
God always intended for His children to join Him in completing creation.
we are not inanimate entities that merely reveal glory but living stories that are meant to create glory.
...both your plot and mine are formed in the circle of relationships into which we were born.
our plot includes the age or unique situation at the time of our birth.
it also involves the tension of the tragedy that is our lot inherited from the fall.
a plot is a thematic merry go round that circles in and out and around the curse of creation and makes movement from the beginning to the end a ride on a roller coaster.
remember, the narrative unfolding of beginning, middle and end does not always march in sequence.
WHAT SORT OF CHARACTERS POPULATE YOUR STORY? WHAT SORT OF PLOT DOES YOUR STORY HAVE?
...in many ways, the plot of our life is the story of humankind.
it is about how we came to be who we are (creation),
how we lost ourselves (the fall),
what it means to discover the name God has written for us (redemption),
and how the ending of our story reflects the great consummation of God's story (His coming).
our plot is an encounter with thee heartache and dreams and desires related to our personal tragedies-
the events of our life that occur between fall and redemption and, ultimately, glorification.
every life is under the curse, a consequence of adam and eve's turning from God to embrace the delectable lie of evil.
the most dramatic moment in the history of humanity,
other than the second adam's faithful surrender to the cross,
thrust humanity into the course of sorrow, loss, and harm.
every woman will labor with loneliness;
every man will struggle with futility.
it is write into the plot of the earth.
as a result of adam and eve's folly, we all have been cast east of eden.
we live as aliens who know we are not at home and
whose plot always involves efforts to rise above the tragedy of our condition.
we are looking for our eden and the intimacy we would have know with our heavenly parent had we not disobeyed.
at the same time, we are trying to make sense of the earthly parents we have been given.
and we are simultaneously trying to understand our time, face, and name.
in other words, we are trying to make sense of our story.
one wise person said anonymously,
'adversity introduces us to ourselves'.
....even when tragedy has nothing to do with physical death, it still involves a form of death in the shattering of shalom or harmony.
a divorce is a death.
sexual abuse is a death.
betrayal in a relationship
the loss of a job
conflict in a marriage
an auto accident
an illness,
loss of meaning
or hope
or joy-
all are forms of death.
in the bible God makes it clear that rebellion results in death. death lies at the heart of all tragedy and at the core of every personal narrative.
...tension is living in the gap between certainty and uncertainty.
we always begin with what we know and are irresistibly drawn to what we don't know.
we are inveterately curious.
we are wired to grow, and all growth stretches us beyond our comfort level.
...we want danger and excitement, but only as long as they cone with money back guarantee that everything will work our before the game is finished.
but life isn't like that.
there are no safe risks.
there is no growth that comes with a guarantee of success.
tension is the medium in which we breath every day.
...to understand our story, we need to know our tragedies,
and as we learn them,
we will catch a glimpse of how we currently manage tension.
repetitive patterns have become themes in our lives over time,
themes that impose structure on us even when a surface evaluation would tell us that these themes are nothing more than personal preference or desire.
we are not wholly our own,
nor are we exclusively the result of what has happened to us.
no wonder reading the plot of our lives is so difficult.
yet it is in the plot where we will find meaning.
it also is the only part of our story we can rewrite if the trajectory of our life is not as we desire.
i can't change my tragedies, nor can i really eliminate (fully) the characters in my story,
but i can write a new plot.
to do so requires reengaging the tragedies of my life with new patterns,
thereby developing new or additional themes
that mark who i am both as a coauthor of my life and an editor of my future.
doing this marks me as a character in a larger story,
a player who furthers the plot development
while living in the real world of tension and tragedy.
to know our plot is the first step in changing it.
WHAT SORT OF ENDING ARE YOU WRITING?
...the ending of my story is how i lived my life toward an aim,
a finish that is worth both dying for and living for.
if i live my life for me alone,
then my story is as dull as my self absorption,
even if i have survived untold adventures.
but if i live my life for Someone more important than myself
and i have sacrificed,
nobly risked,
been humbled,
learned,
grown and given,
then my life is headed toward a glorious ending.
what makes my life a glorious bestseller is that my plot reveals
not a mere moral or lesson
but the very person and being of God.
a merely good life reveals little beyond the fact that goodness exists.
but a life that knows its plot, characters, setting, dialogue and themes
will possess a clear and abiding passion that reveals something unique about the author.
a life that is familiar with its story reveals much about the character of God.
i don't believe God is so concerned that we build ministries-
or companies, families, or any other human legacy-
to His glory.
His glory is grown when we simply live out the calling He has given us.
we give Him much greater glory
when we are aware of our calling,
live intentionally,
and live with passion.
that's how we coauthor our own story.
chapter 2 - WHAT'S YOUR REAL NAME?
...dale carnegie developed a multimillion dollar business based on teaching people to
win friends and influence people by saying someone's name a minimum of 3 times during a conversation.
people apparently love to hear their own name.
a famous television sitcom sold the setting and premise for the show with the line,
'you want to go where everybody knows your name..
in the ancient near east a name confeerred meaning and a future
'to be lived up to or lived down'.
(notes, 'dictionary of biblical imagery, 1998)
a name marked a person with a set of expectations that determined the persons place
in the family and in the world.
today it is rare that parents first study a child in order to give the child a name that fits.
far more often wee pick a family name,
or we choose a name that sounds good and has a meaning that we like.
the hebrew process of naming was exactly the opposite.
a name was chosen that reflected the unique calling and character of the child.
(note, among others abraham, sarah and jacob had name changes by God later in life.)
...each change in nae points to a day when we will receive an entirely new name. the bible tells us that those who seek God will one day be given a new name:
'everyone who is victorious will eat of the manna that has been hidden away in heaven.
and I will give to each one a white stone and on the stone will be engraved
a new name that no one knows except the one who receives it. revelation 2.17
when i stand before God i will be given a new name...
the passage also reminds us that we are living in a world in between.
we are between two names.
we know our name;
we don't know what our new name will be.
...the result..is that we lose sight of the truth that we're on a journey to live out the story God has written for us...
paradoxically, we're moving toward the discovery of something we don't yet know but have already received...
the word mores, the latin word that means 'convention', is where we get our word morality.
we settle for the morality of our community,
in order to fit in,
to not be too different, odd or undesirable...
..we grow up in a sea of stories told in a way that fits what we want others to know about us...
chapter 3 -WHAT MAKES A GOOD STORY?
good stories tell about the intersection of desire (subjective expectation) and tragedy (cruel reality). a story begins when our desires collide head on with reality. sometimes reality is impersonal, like a storm theat sets into motion a flash flood that dills nine kids on a bus going to bible camp. but other times the cruelty is volitional. it could involve envious brothers, an unwise father who favors one son over the others, and a talkative, gifted younger brother who shares more about his dreams and desires than he should. good stories demand tragedy, and 'inciting incident'. and inciting incidents will always intensify our desire to listen to what the story is telling us-unless the inciting incident happens in our own story. often, when it occurs in our life, we want the story to be resolved and the problem solved-and quickly! we love stories as long as they happen to someone else.
stories don't give answers, but they do offer perspective. they provide a window through which we can look for patterns of life. peering through the window then leads to more compelling stories and finally deeper wisdom. wisdom ultimately isn't a formula or a conclusion but a way of being in the world that leads to a more truthful and more beautiful good. stories lure us because we sense this good hidden within them...
SHALOM
stories begin with life at peace. such shalom is not merely an absence of tension or the presence of perfect pleasure. it is a deep inner and external harmony when disparate parts flow togeher in a unity that is greater than the sum of the parts. it is like an excellent choir. at the state competition, when the tension and desire to do well are at their height, each member digs deeper and sings with an abandon that in turn stirs the combined whole, including the conductor, to reach even higher. as the piece moves to completion, the harmony intensifies to a level that is beyond what the choir has ever reached before. it is an experience of the fullness and beauty of shalom.
shalom often comes in a moment of tranquillity and innocence. as i wrote the last paragraph, i watched an eight month old child stand in her mother's lap and peer into her mother's eyes. her hands caressed her mothe's cheeks, and as she cooed, her mother echoed her tones. i stopped writing and stared. the moment of innocent, tender play between mother and daughter was captivating. such shalom is simultaneously invigorating and restful. it stirs and calms. it can bring the heart to a rest that may lead to sleep, but it is more likely to draw us to awe and wonder.
we all have moments of shalom. it is the moment we sat on our grandmother's lap and played with her pearl necklace. it is going downstairs on a winter morning and warming our feet against the furnace vent. i recall seeing my pajama pants billow with the flowing heat that made my toes toasty. i remember putting my head on a pillow to read a picture book until my mom called me to a breakfast of pancakes and warm syrup. that was shalom...
a moment of shalom is a taste of life in eden. it is life without sin, tragedy, emptiness or fear. search your own memory for moments of shalom. recall moments of rest, dafety and warmth...
SHALOM SHATTERED
shalom is shattered by sin, by the intrusion of a lie, a distortion of the truth that mars the pleasure of being naked, transparent, trusting and true. shalom is not shattered merely by the presence of something 'not good' because, in the garden of eden, God said that it was 'not good' for man to be alone. apparently, God wanted adam to know loneliness and absence in order to enter the glory of presence and companionship. mere absence is not tragedy, nor is our shalom shattered when we experience loneliness. instead, shattering occurs when ouur dignity is assaulted and death enters to divide and destroy.
consider the so called innocent teasing of childhood. a group of kids gathers around a timid classmate who is overweight:
'fatty pants, fatty pants, you're a big blubber butt!'
such words attack the most tender and raw part of the child's being. such words shatter shalom as sin severs trust and grows shame like a cancer. the result of the shattering is death. in every story, in every life, there are moments of death that take away our name and rename us as strangers, orphans, or widows.
at the moment of being unnamed, we are thrown into our story. we lose the name friend and are given the name reject. our story prior to the point of being unamed is a mild fluctuation between good and evil. it may be a boring or rather empty story, but at least it's safe. then tragedy enters the garden, and we are forever changed as we are cast from the sweet protection of shalom. from that point we embark on a journey that offers only intermittent moments of rest. our life is anything but mild, anything but safe.
joseph's life followed this pattern. he was relatively happy until he went to find his brothers. apparently, he wasn't used to being out in the rough and tumble world, but for some reason he was allowed to travel. his short trip became the starting point of a long and agonizing journey to an inhospitable foreign land.
obviously sshalom had been shattered long before this event, because joseph's brothers already hated him. but once the opportunity arose for them to punish hem, joseph's life journey truly began. tragedy always moves our story forward in a way that shalom could never accomplish.
josph's encounter with tragedy removed him from his father's benvolent provision. he went from most likely to succeed into shackled slavery. such a reversal of fortune, the shattering of shalom, takes away our idntity, reverses our expectations, and steals from us the security of our name. no longer was joseph favored son. he was now powerless slave.
listen to your own memory of times when you wer unnamed or destabilized by a shattering experience. some moments are monstrous, such as death dealing incidents of sexual abuse. or these moments can be as subtle and common as being mocked on a playground. in either case, the shattering moves us from a place of shalom to a place that is harsh and unrelenting. the shattering brins us a keen awareness that we are alone and in danger. we are on our own.
this is a pivotal point of our story. we need to name those moments and identify their settings, characters, dialogue and impact. doing this requires enormous honesty and courage, but it moves us more deeply into the plot of our life where we can once again imagine and pursue shalom.
SHALOM SOUGHT once we are evicted from the shalom of eden, we must figure out how to get food, where we are going to sleep and how we will make our way in the world. it's inconceivable to consider what adam and eve felt during their first night east of eden. life in the wild, surrounded by the formidable darkness, would require a radical new choice:
will i trust in God's goodness to protect me and provide for my needs or will i trust in myself?
the search for shalom is infused with the fundamental question of meaning"
is life as random, opointless and absurd as it seems?
or is it ordained, purposeful and meaningful?
what will win-the abundant indications of randomness or our desire for more than we can see?
the fact that we tell stories that are given menaing by structure implies an awareness that life is not essentially random. life surely has meaning, no matter who obscure or confusing.
the search for that meaning is give stucture by HONESTY, DESIRE, and RISK.
HONESTY IS NAMING THAT WE ARE NO LONGER IN EDEN.
our shalom has been compromised; we've been cast out of eden. but an amazing number of us never begin this journey because we won't fully admit that we have been exiled, orphaned and widowed. we want to believe we are still citizens and heirs, not aliens and fatherless children. but the story we are to live and write doesn't truly begin until we face what we have lost and then turn to see the horizon of uncertainty ahead. our story will gain momentum and depth only to the degree that we honestly embrace both loss and fear.
DESIRE BRIDGES OUR PAST AND OUR FUTURE
desire takes form through our dreams. for joseph, dreaming literally plunged him into his plight. telling his brothers that he saw them bowing down to him in a dream fueled their conspiracy to seell him into slavery.
but later, josph's dreaming reversed the shattering of his shalom. he was called from prison to report to pharaoh what God had been telling him about egypt's future in a dream. we're in the presence of a good story when the flaw that shatters shalom is also the doorway to redemption. that is, joseph's being exiled (the shattering) led to his relationship with pharaoh (his redemption). whether it be our won flaw or the sin of others, God uses the raw material of sin to create the edifice of His redeemed glory.
your plight is also your redemption.
the bible assumes that its stories are also our story. abraham, the father of faith, is sent of into exile. he's a settled man with a comfortable life, but God makes him an alien in a foreign land. like abraham, we will be called by God to leave our place of comfort. isaac, the son of laughter, is redeemed from death by God's provision, and we will know God's provision as well. jacob, the son of isaac, takes redemption into his own hands and ends up being an alien like his grandfather.
we are abraham, isaac and jacob. their stories are a paradigm of our own. each of us is called, redeemed and exiled-again and again. along the way, we are called to make choices consistent with the character we are called to play. our story evolves as we face the tough decisions that come our way.
joseph was forced to make a series of agonizing choices. he was a slave serving in a position of trust when potiphar's wife invited him into her bed chamber. he could choose to have illicit sex with the wife of one of the most powerful men in egypt. but instead of choosing pleasure, he fled her grasp. this was the right choice, of course, but joseph's integrity got him into trouble. potiphar's wife accused him of rape, and he was sent to jail. no matter that the accusation was false. joseph went to prison nonetheless.
and joseph's story increases in intensity. earlier in his life his pride had caused him to be dumped into the pit; later his integrity got him into deeper trouble.
in joseph's story, the Storyteller is telling us something about life and about our own story. he is showing us that life is not predictable. the simple equation
'do good and good will come to you, but do bad and you will pay the price' doesn't hold.
it is more accurate to say,
'do good or do bad, but in either case disaster awaits'.
the search for shalom, for example, took joseph to prison where he was face to face with two men whose fates couldn't be more different from each other's. joseph again told the truth boldly. and just at the point when you think his agony was finally over, it began again. instead of being rescued from prison, joseph was left in chains. two long years passed before one of joseph's former cellmates-the one whose dream had been interpreted favorably-remembered joseph and mentioned to pharaoh his ability to interpret dreams.
joseph no doubt lamented his situation, but God is not bound by time, nor is our story. we desperately want our situation solved. we want resolution. but God unfolds the plot in His own time. it is in our months or years of waiting that our story comes to maturity. it is over a lifetime of stories that he turns our desire toward Him.
desire lies at the heart of who God made us to be, who we are at our core. desire is both our greatest frailty and the mark of our highest beauty. our desire completes us as we become one with our lover, and it separates us from Him and brings death as it wars against His will. desire is life and it is death.
desire is also at the core of an honest story and it is the core tension of all life. if we choose to read our story, then we are choosing to enter a wild and woolly process of writing and editing our life to embrace both loss and fear, dreams dashed as well as dreams enlivened by resurrected desire.
RISK REQUIRES BLEEDING FOR OUR DREAMS
a dream without suffering is little more than a fantasy. risk, the third element that gives structure to our search, involves bleeding. too many people are missing their story because they're watching the stories of others...
fantasy often involves legitimate desire...such daydreams are highly revelatory, but what they lack is blood.fantasy becomes a life dream when i'm willing to plunge into the cold water of reality..such action-such living-only takes a willingness to bleed.
so listen to the converging stories of the present. there is most likely just a handful of stories standing front and center in your life. they involve either loss and uncertainty or great opportunity and risk. whether the story takes place in the arena of business, family, friendships, enemies, love, service or play, you can be assured that the inciting events call for you to sacrifice your comfort and ease in order for your story to move forward. it's easy to ignore such inciting events. just turn on the television or crack open a trashy novel. it's easy to flee your story.
but if we honestly name the passionate desires of our heart, and if we risk seeing those desires come to be, the plot of our life story will begin to move with greater intentionality. yet the only way we can keep walking on that path is to allow ourself moments to rest and celebrate the temporary climax of a story in a denouement.
DENOUEMENT
a denouement is not a complete or fully resolved ending but a satisfying closure to a story. it means in french
'an untying, a relaxing of a knot of complexity'.
denouement is the rest that comes when all the disparate plot lines of a story, gnarled and taut, have been untied and an order has come about that brings a new moment of shalom....
tragedy mars shalom, but denouement invites us to remember our innocence and dream of a day of even greater redemption. denouement is an ending that serves as the prelude for a new beginning; there is always the next turn in the road. a new story begins the moment the old one ends. but a denouement is a respite that calls us to stop the journey for a brief interlude-
to eat, drink, sing, dance, and tell our story to others...
YOUR STORY UNFOLDS
..every life is a story with a unique meaning, about a person who bears a unique name, and which shares a common structure with every other story. according to this structure, we all will journey through countless moments of shalom, shattering, and searching that bring us to a sweet season of rest and celebration. we don't just have stories;
we are a story.
it is our responsibility to know our story so we can live it out more intentionally and boldly for the great story, the gospel.
God writes our story not just for our own enlightenment and insight,
but to enlighten others and
to reveal His own story through our story.
we are to read our past to gain a greater sense of how to write our life in the present. the more we take responsibility to write our present to honor the past, the greater the number of stories there will be in the future that are lived for His glory. ..
Sunday, November 18, 2012
11.18.2012 LARRY NORMAN -IN ANOTHER LAND
even though there seem to be few norman albums available through inter library loan, this cd was recently purchased by the indian valley public library which makes 4 norman's that they have. this originally came out in 1975. the one before me was reissued in 2008. i was given the 1975 as a gift and gave it to my granddaughter mikaela. on that cd norman's 'i am a servant' very deeply spoke to me...it seems almost autobiographical to my life. on the 2008 version there is a different rendition of the same and is not nearly as powerful. i wish i had both versions in front of me. i am of the impression that they are also not carbon copies as to what songs are included. i especially appreciate
#16-8 of which #17-joyful delta day has such good lyric i hope to look them up and post them here (all three are excellent, #18 one of the many fruits of larry norman's active witness to many if not all the great rockers)
cd write up...in 2001 LN was inducted into the gospel music hall of fame, alongside elvis presley. in january 2004, he was inducted into the ccm (contemporary christian music) hall of fame.
time magazine called him 'the most significant artist in his field. billboard magazine said he was 'the most important writer since paul simon.
his album only visiting this planet was voted 'the #1 gospel album of the last 20 years in the ccm critics poll.
he started writing his own songs and performing them in 1956, at the age of nine. L had his first brush with fame through ted mack's original amateur hour in 1959. he later appeared on dick clark's american bandstand three times. but he didn't like television and preferred live concerts and 'street outreach' to pursuing a broader career. he began recoding for capitol records in 1967..
l often found himself on the wrong side of pop culture. he faced commercial opposition by speaking out against drugs at a time when the hippie generation celebrated them. he didn't care that it caused him to be considered part of the establishment. he opened up a halfway house with his first royalty check.
he had grown up the only white boy in a black neighborhood in san francisco and because of what he witnessed there, he developed a real compassion for the poor.
he spent the next 4 decades speaking out against drugs and urban violence and performing many concerts to raise $ for the poor..
he publishes (he died in 2008, i think) a political magazine, phanzine, and has remained very active in socio-politics, but has always presented his opinions as bi partisan. he performed at the white house for both the nixon and carter administrations.
over the last 4 decades his songs have been translated into more than a dozen languages, including chinese, russian and hebrew. his music has been studied in various universities. he has enjoyed friendships with writers like francis schaeffer, steve turner, os guiness and malcom muggeridge.
he was one of the first rock artists to perform behind the iron curtain, secretly in 1981 and again in 1988. after the fall of communism, he performed 6 times at moscow's 80k seat olympiski stadum.
L is an intensely private man who lives in oregon with his son. he has done few interviews during his career, avoided tv exposure and not sought radio airplay. he records his albums in his own studio and they are released internationally through various independent distributors.
for almost 35 years the press has referred to L as 'the father of christian rock because it was L who first combined rock and roll music with christan lyrics- 50+ years ago.
he record3ed albums for capitol records for 5 years and appeared on the same concert stages with jimi hendrix, the doors, janis joplin, the grateful dead, the byrds and many other rock bands.
L recorded for MGM for 4 years while running his own independent labels. he started one way records in 1970, solid rock records in 1974, street level records in 1978 and phydeaux records in 1981.
over the years he has sold out many concert halls including the royal albert hall 6 times, the sydney opera house and the hollywood bowl. he has toured the world performing concerts as widely as israel, india, russia, china, japan, australia, brazil, norway, britain, france and italy. most of his influential work was recorded in the sixties and seventies but he continued to have successful albums in the eighties and nineties.
by the 80s he had walked away from his lucrative american career, avoiding the spotlight of christian festivals and what he called 'the fish circuit. he chose instead to perform in countries where american artists were not going; to cultures which had never heard modern christian music, he did this for the next 20 years.
in 1992 L recorded stranded in babylon in a remote studio in norway. it was named 'album of the year by almost every gospel magazine and critic's poll in europe. he returned to america to tour behind the release of the album but was very stressed out from his work load of the previous 30 years. he went to the ER at cedars sinai, screaming and clutching his chest. without an EKG test he was misdiagnosed as having 'esophagitis (sever indigestion) but was suffering a major heart attack. it destroyed more than half of his heart. he has since retired and only does one or two concerts a year.
on this album
1.the rock that doesn't roll
2 i love you
3. UFO
4 i've searched all around
5. righteous rocker
6. if God is my father
7. why don't you look into Jesus
8. i am a servant
9. the sun began to rain
10. shot down
11. 666
12. diamonds
13. one way
14. song for a small circle of friends
15. hymn to the last generation
16. strong love, strange peace
17. joyful delta day
18. the rock that doesn't roll (with cliff richards)
#16-8 of which #17-joyful delta day has such good lyric i hope to look them up and post them here (all three are excellent, #18 one of the many fruits of larry norman's active witness to many if not all the great rockers)
cd write up...in 2001 LN was inducted into the gospel music hall of fame, alongside elvis presley. in january 2004, he was inducted into the ccm (contemporary christian music) hall of fame.
time magazine called him 'the most significant artist in his field. billboard magazine said he was 'the most important writer since paul simon.
his album only visiting this planet was voted 'the #1 gospel album of the last 20 years in the ccm critics poll.
he started writing his own songs and performing them in 1956, at the age of nine. L had his first brush with fame through ted mack's original amateur hour in 1959. he later appeared on dick clark's american bandstand three times. but he didn't like television and preferred live concerts and 'street outreach' to pursuing a broader career. he began recoding for capitol records in 1967..
l often found himself on the wrong side of pop culture. he faced commercial opposition by speaking out against drugs at a time when the hippie generation celebrated them. he didn't care that it caused him to be considered part of the establishment. he opened up a halfway house with his first royalty check.
he had grown up the only white boy in a black neighborhood in san francisco and because of what he witnessed there, he developed a real compassion for the poor.
he spent the next 4 decades speaking out against drugs and urban violence and performing many concerts to raise $ for the poor..
he publishes (he died in 2008, i think) a political magazine, phanzine, and has remained very active in socio-politics, but has always presented his opinions as bi partisan. he performed at the white house for both the nixon and carter administrations.
over the last 4 decades his songs have been translated into more than a dozen languages, including chinese, russian and hebrew. his music has been studied in various universities. he has enjoyed friendships with writers like francis schaeffer, steve turner, os guiness and malcom muggeridge.
he was one of the first rock artists to perform behind the iron curtain, secretly in 1981 and again in 1988. after the fall of communism, he performed 6 times at moscow's 80k seat olympiski stadum.
L is an intensely private man who lives in oregon with his son. he has done few interviews during his career, avoided tv exposure and not sought radio airplay. he records his albums in his own studio and they are released internationally through various independent distributors.
for almost 35 years the press has referred to L as 'the father of christian rock because it was L who first combined rock and roll music with christan lyrics- 50+ years ago.
he record3ed albums for capitol records for 5 years and appeared on the same concert stages with jimi hendrix, the doors, janis joplin, the grateful dead, the byrds and many other rock bands.
L recorded for MGM for 4 years while running his own independent labels. he started one way records in 1970, solid rock records in 1974, street level records in 1978 and phydeaux records in 1981.
over the years he has sold out many concert halls including the royal albert hall 6 times, the sydney opera house and the hollywood bowl. he has toured the world performing concerts as widely as israel, india, russia, china, japan, australia, brazil, norway, britain, france and italy. most of his influential work was recorded in the sixties and seventies but he continued to have successful albums in the eighties and nineties.
by the 80s he had walked away from his lucrative american career, avoiding the spotlight of christian festivals and what he called 'the fish circuit. he chose instead to perform in countries where american artists were not going; to cultures which had never heard modern christian music, he did this for the next 20 years.
in 1992 L recorded stranded in babylon in a remote studio in norway. it was named 'album of the year by almost every gospel magazine and critic's poll in europe. he returned to america to tour behind the release of the album but was very stressed out from his work load of the previous 30 years. he went to the ER at cedars sinai, screaming and clutching his chest. without an EKG test he was misdiagnosed as having 'esophagitis (sever indigestion) but was suffering a major heart attack. it destroyed more than half of his heart. he has since retired and only does one or two concerts a year.
on this album
1.the rock that doesn't roll
2 i love you
3. UFO
4 i've searched all around
5. righteous rocker
6. if God is my father
7. why don't you look into Jesus
8. i am a servant
9. the sun began to rain
10. shot down
11. 666
12. diamonds
13. one way
14. song for a small circle of friends
15. hymn to the last generation
16. strong love, strange peace
17. joyful delta day
18. the rock that doesn't roll (with cliff richards)
Saturday, November 17, 2012
11.17.2012 PSALM 119.113 I HATE VAIN THOUGHTS; BUT THY LAW DO I LOVE
taken from spurgeon's treasury
psalm 119. 113
i HATE vain thoughts, but Thy law do i love. kjv
i hate those who are double minded, but Thy law do i love. nasv
in this paragraph the psalmist deals with thought and things and persons which are the opposite of God's holy thoughts and ways. he is evidently in great fear of the powers of darkness and of their allies, and his whole soul is stirred up to stand against them with a determined opposition.
just as he begins the octave, verse 97, with
'o how i love Thy law,
so here he begins with a declaration of hatred against that which breaks the law.
the opposite of the fixed and infallible law of god is the wavering, changing opinion of men:
david had an utter contempt and abhorrence for this;
all his reverence and regard went to the sure word of testimony.
in proportion to his love to the law was his hate of man's inventions.
the thoughts of men are vanity;
but the thoughts of God are verity.
we hear much in these days of 'men of though', 'thoughtful preachers' and 'modern thought':
what is this but the old pride of the human heart?
vain man would be wise.
the psalmist did not glory in his thoughts...
when man thinks his best his highest thoughts are as far below those of divine revelation as the earth is beneath the heavens.
some of our thoughts are specially vain in the sense of vain glory, pride,conceit and self trust;
others in the sense of bringing disappointment, such as
fond ambition,
sinful dreaming,
and confidence in man;
others in the sense of emptiness and firvolity,
such as idle thougts and vacant romancings in which so many indulge...
the psalmist is not indifferent to evil thoughts as the careless are;
but upon them he looks with a hate as true as was the love with which he clung to the pure thoughts of God.
the last octave was practical, this is thoughtful;
there the man of God attended to his feet,
and here to his heart:
the emotions of the soul are as important as the acts of the life,
for they are the fountain and spring from which the actions proceed.
when we love the law it becomes a law of love
and we cling to it with our whole heart. (note: as a man thinks, so is he..) spurgeon
when david had an inclination in his heart to God's statutes, the immediate effect of it was to hate vain thougts. we read, 'i have inclined mine heart to perform Thy statutes' and it follows, 'i hate vain thoughts'. the vanity of his heart was a burden to him.
a new creature is as careful against wickedness in the head or heart, as in the life.
a godly man would be purer in the sight of God than in the view of man.
he knows none but God can see the wanderings of his heart or the thoughts of his head,
yet he is as careful that sins should not rise up as that they should not break out. stephen charnock
'i hate vain thoughts'
or the evil devices
or the double hearted imaginations
or the intermeddling, counter coursing thoughts
that is to say, that kind of practice of some men, that sail with every wind, and seek still to have two strings to their bow.
the hebrew word doth properly signify boughs or branches,
which shoot up perplexedly or confusedly in a tree. theodore haak d1657
in those vacant hours which are spared from business, pleasure, company and sleep and chich are spent in solitude, at home or abroad;
unprofitable, proud, coveous, sensual, envious or malicious imaginations,
occupy the minds of ungodly men and often infect their very dreams.
these are not only sinful in themselves, indicatindg the state of their hears,
and as such will be brought into the account at the day of judgment;
but they excite the dormant corruptions and lead to more open and gross violations of the holy law.
the carnal mind welcomes and delights to dewll upon these congenial imaginations,
and to solace itself by ideal indulgences,
whenopportunity of other gratification is not presented,
or when a man dare not commit the actual transgression.
but the spiritual mind recoils at them;
such thoughts will intudee from time to time,
but they are unwlcome and distressing
and are immediately thrust out;
while other subjects, from the word of God, are stored up in readiness to occupy the mind more profitably and pleasantly during the hours of leisure and retirement.
there is no better test of our true character,
than the habitual effect of vain thoughts upon our minds-
whether we love and indulge them,
or abhor and watch and pray against them. thomas scott d1821
a godly man may have roving thoughts in duty.
sad experience proves this;
the thoughts will be dancing up and down in prayer.
the saints are called stars;
but many times in duty they are wandering stars. the heart is like quicksilver which will not fix.
it is hard to tie two good thoughts together;
we cannot lock our hearts so close,
but that distracting thoughts,
like wind,
will get in.
hierom complains of himself..
'sometimes, saith he, when i am about God's service,
i am walking in the galleries, or
casting up accounts.
but these wandering thought are not allowed
i hate vain thoughts
they come as unwelcome guests, which are no sooner spied, but turned out of doors. thomas watson
'every dislike of evil is not sufficient;
but perfect hatred is required of us against all sorts and degrees of sin. david dickson
the word is used for the opinions of men;
and may be applied to all heterodox opinions,
human doctrines,
damnable heresies;
such as are inconsistent with the perfections of God,
derogate (detract) from His grace,
and from the person and offices of Christ;
and are contrary to the word,
and which are therefore rejected and abhorred by good men. john gill
'vain thoughts' hebrew seaphim, halting between two opinions. see I kings 18. 21. hence it signifies sceptical doubts. christopher wordsworth
our thoughts are set upon trifles and frivolous things, neither tending to our own profit nor the benefit of others
'the heart of the wicked is little worh
psalm 119. 113
i HATE vain thoughts, but Thy law do i love. kjv
i hate those who are double minded, but Thy law do i love. nasv
in this paragraph the psalmist deals with thought and things and persons which are the opposite of God's holy thoughts and ways. he is evidently in great fear of the powers of darkness and of their allies, and his whole soul is stirred up to stand against them with a determined opposition.
just as he begins the octave, verse 97, with
'o how i love Thy law,
so here he begins with a declaration of hatred against that which breaks the law.
the opposite of the fixed and infallible law of god is the wavering, changing opinion of men:
david had an utter contempt and abhorrence for this;
all his reverence and regard went to the sure word of testimony.
in proportion to his love to the law was his hate of man's inventions.
the thoughts of men are vanity;
but the thoughts of God are verity.
we hear much in these days of 'men of though', 'thoughtful preachers' and 'modern thought':
what is this but the old pride of the human heart?
vain man would be wise.
the psalmist did not glory in his thoughts...
when man thinks his best his highest thoughts are as far below those of divine revelation as the earth is beneath the heavens.
some of our thoughts are specially vain in the sense of vain glory, pride,conceit and self trust;
others in the sense of bringing disappointment, such as
fond ambition,
sinful dreaming,
and confidence in man;
others in the sense of emptiness and firvolity,
such as idle thougts and vacant romancings in which so many indulge...
the psalmist is not indifferent to evil thoughts as the careless are;
but upon them he looks with a hate as true as was the love with which he clung to the pure thoughts of God.
the last octave was practical, this is thoughtful;
there the man of God attended to his feet,
and here to his heart:
the emotions of the soul are as important as the acts of the life,
for they are the fountain and spring from which the actions proceed.
when we love the law it becomes a law of love
and we cling to it with our whole heart. (note: as a man thinks, so is he..) spurgeon
when david had an inclination in his heart to God's statutes, the immediate effect of it was to hate vain thougts. we read, 'i have inclined mine heart to perform Thy statutes' and it follows, 'i hate vain thoughts'. the vanity of his heart was a burden to him.
a new creature is as careful against wickedness in the head or heart, as in the life.
a godly man would be purer in the sight of God than in the view of man.
he knows none but God can see the wanderings of his heart or the thoughts of his head,
yet he is as careful that sins should not rise up as that they should not break out. stephen charnock
'i hate vain thoughts'
or the evil devices
or the double hearted imaginations
or the intermeddling, counter coursing thoughts
that is to say, that kind of practice of some men, that sail with every wind, and seek still to have two strings to their bow.
the hebrew word doth properly signify boughs or branches,
which shoot up perplexedly or confusedly in a tree. theodore haak d1657
in those vacant hours which are spared from business, pleasure, company and sleep and chich are spent in solitude, at home or abroad;
unprofitable, proud, coveous, sensual, envious or malicious imaginations,
occupy the minds of ungodly men and often infect their very dreams.
these are not only sinful in themselves, indicatindg the state of their hears,
and as such will be brought into the account at the day of judgment;
but they excite the dormant corruptions and lead to more open and gross violations of the holy law.
the carnal mind welcomes and delights to dewll upon these congenial imaginations,
and to solace itself by ideal indulgences,
whenopportunity of other gratification is not presented,
or when a man dare not commit the actual transgression.
but the spiritual mind recoils at them;
such thoughts will intudee from time to time,
but they are unwlcome and distressing
and are immediately thrust out;
while other subjects, from the word of God, are stored up in readiness to occupy the mind more profitably and pleasantly during the hours of leisure and retirement.
there is no better test of our true character,
than the habitual effect of vain thoughts upon our minds-
whether we love and indulge them,
or abhor and watch and pray against them. thomas scott d1821
a godly man may have roving thoughts in duty.
sad experience proves this;
the thoughts will be dancing up and down in prayer.
the saints are called stars;
but many times in duty they are wandering stars. the heart is like quicksilver which will not fix.
it is hard to tie two good thoughts together;
we cannot lock our hearts so close,
but that distracting thoughts,
like wind,
will get in.
hierom complains of himself..
'sometimes, saith he, when i am about God's service,
i am walking in the galleries, or
casting up accounts.
but these wandering thought are not allowed
i hate vain thoughts
they come as unwelcome guests, which are no sooner spied, but turned out of doors. thomas watson
'every dislike of evil is not sufficient;
but perfect hatred is required of us against all sorts and degrees of sin. david dickson
the word is used for the opinions of men;
and may be applied to all heterodox opinions,
human doctrines,
damnable heresies;
such as are inconsistent with the perfections of God,
derogate (detract) from His grace,
and from the person and offices of Christ;
and are contrary to the word,
and which are therefore rejected and abhorred by good men. john gill
'vain thoughts' hebrew seaphim, halting between two opinions. see I kings 18. 21. hence it signifies sceptical doubts. christopher wordsworth
our thoughts are set upon trifles and frivolous things, neither tending to our own profit nor the benefit of others
'the heart of the wicked is little worh
11.17.2012 PSALM 119.130 ONLY THE SIMPLE UNDERSTAND GOD
...taken from spurgeon's 'treasury of david'..
psalm 119.130 - ' the entrance of Thy words giveth light; it giveth understanding unto the simple.
no sooner do they gain admission into the soul than they enlighten it: what light may be expected from their prolonged indwelling! their very entrance floods the mind with instruction, for they are so full, so clear; but, on the other hand, there must be such an 'entrance', or there will be no illumination. the mere hearing of the word with the external ear is of small value by itself, but when the words of God enter into the chambers of the heart then light is scattered on all sides. the word finds no entrance into some minds because they are blocked up with self conceit, or prejudice or indifference; but where due attention is given, divine illumination must surely follow upon a knowledge of the mind of God. oh, that Thy words, like the beams of the sun, may enter through the window of my understanding and dispel the darkness of my mind!
the sincere and candid are the true disiples of the word. to such it gives not only knowledge, but understanding. these simple hearted ones are frequently despised and their simplicity has another meaning infused into it. so as to be made the theme of ridicule; but what matters it? those whom the world dubs as foods are among the truly wise is they are taught of god. what a divine power rests in the word of god, since it not only bestows light, but gives that very mental eye by which the light is received;
'it giveth understanding'. hence the value of the words of God to the simple, who cannot receive mysterious truth unless their minds are aided to see it and prepared to grasp it. spurgeon
(on the next page, as part of the commentary on v136, he includes a poem that reminds me of a word from the Lord recently as to how i do not weep with and for others (thus disobeying the command in romans 12.15)...and now this reminds me of a lack of the heart revealed below. o Lord MAKE ME LIKE YOU!
'Lord, let me weep for nought but sin,
and after none but Thee,
and then i would, o that i might!
a constant weeper be. do a heart change in me oh God. make me like jeremiah whose eyes were rivers of water...but not only for Your people but also for my awful shortfall from 'be perfect for your Father in heaven is perfect.
...the clause does not refer to the mechanical opening of the book by the reader, but to the spiritual opening of its true sense by divine illumination, to the mind which naturally cannot discern it.
joseph addison alexamder
'entrance', lit. opening, ie. unfolding or unveiling. j.j.perowne
'Thy words'..the beginning of them;the first three chapters in genesis, what light do they give into the origin of all things; the creation of man, his state of innocence; his fall through the temptations of satan and his recovery and salvation by Christ, the seed of the woman! the first principles of the oracles of god, the rudiments of religion, the elements of the world, the rites of the ceremonial law gave great light unto gospel mysteries.
john gill
'the entrance of Thy words'..
a profane shopman crams into his pocket a leaf of a bible, and reads the last words of daniel;
'go thou thy way, till the end by, for thou shalt rest and stand in thy lot at the end of the days',
and begins to think what his own lot will be when days are ended.
a gottingen professor opens a big printed bible to see if he has eyesight enough to read it, and alights on the passage,
'i will bring the blind by the way that they knew not,
and in reading it the eyes of his understanding are enlightened.
comwell's soldier opens his bible to see how far the musket ball has pierced and finds it stopped at the verse;
'rejoice, o young man, in thy youth, \and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth;
and walk in the ways of thine heart and the sight of thine eyes;
but know thou that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment.
and in a frolic the kentish soldier opens the bible which his broken hearted mother had sent him, and the first sentence that turns up is the text so familiar in boyish days;
'come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden
and the weary profligate repairs for rest to Jesus Christ. james hamilton d1867
he amplifies this praise of the word of "God when he saith that the entrance thereof, the first opening of the door of the word, gives light:
for if the first entrance to it give light, what will the progress and continuance thereof do? this accuseth the age wherein we live, who now of a long time hath been taught by the word of God so clearly, that in regard of time they might have been teachers of others, yet are they but children in knowledge and understanding. but to whom doth the word give understanding?
david saith to the 'simple':
not to such as are high minded,
or double in heart,
or wise in their own eyes,
who will examine the mysteries of godliness by the quickness of natural reason.
no: to such as deny themselves,
as captive their natural understanding,
and like humble disciples submit themselves,
not to ask, but to hear;
not to reason, but to believe.
and if for this cause, naturalists who want this humility cannot profit by the word;
papists..so full of prejudices concerning it...utter blasphemies against it,
calling it not unprofitable,
but pernicious to the simple and to the idiots.
and again, where they charge it with difficulty, that simple men and idiots should not be suffered to read it, because it is obscure;
all these frivolous allegations of men are annulled by this one testimony of God,
that it gives light to the simple. william cowper.
'light' this light hath excellent properties.
1. it is lux manifestans,
it manifesteth itself and all things else.
how do i see the sun, but by the sun, by its own light?
how do i know the scripture to be the word of God, but by the light that shineth in it, commending itself to my conscience!
so it manifests all things else;
it layeth open all frauds and impostures of satan,
the vanity of worldly things,
the deceits of the heart,
the odiousness of sin.
2. it is lux dirigens, a directing light, that we may see our way and work. as the sun lighteth man to his labour, so doth this direct us in all our conditions.
3. it is lux vivficans, a quickening light.
'I am the light of the world: he that followeth Me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life. john 7.12
'waake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead and Christ shall give thee light. ephesians 5.14
that light was the life of men:
so is this spiritual life;
it not only discovereth the object (Jesus), but helpeth the faculty, filleth the soul with life and strength.
4. it is lux
exhilarans, a comforting, refreshing, cheering light; and that in two respects.
a. because it presents us with excellent grounds of comfort.
b. because it is soul satisfying light. condensed from manton
'it giveth understanding' if all the books in the world were assembled together, the bible would as much take the lead in disciplining the understanding as in directing the soul. it will not make astronomers, chemists or linguists; but
there is a great difference between strengthening the mind and storing it with information. henry melvill
'it giveth understanding to the simple' there are none so knowing that God cannot blind;
none so blind and ignorant whose mind and heart his Spirit cannot open.
He who by his incubation upon the waters at the creation, hatched that rude mass into the beautiful form we now see and out of that dark chaos made the glorious heavens, and garnished them with so many orient
(those which help us to know our direction) stars, can move upon thy dark soul and enlighten it,
though it be as void of knowledge as the evening of the world's first day was of light.
the schoolmaster sometimes sends home the child and bids his father to put him to another trade, because not able, with all his art, to make a scholar of him;
but if the Spirit of God be master,
thou shalt learn,
though a dunce..
no sooner is the soul entered into the Spirit's school,
than he becomes a proficient. william gurnall
'to the simple' this is one great characteristic of the word of God,
-however incomprehensible to the carnal mind,
it is adapted to every grade of enlightened intelligence. w. wilson
'the simple' the word is used sometimes in a god sense, and sometimes ion a bad sense.
it is used in a good sense,
first, for the sincere and plain hearted
'the Lord preserveth the simple: i was brought low, and He helped me. ps. 116.6
'for our rejoicing is this, the testimony of our conscience, that in simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grce of God, we have had our conversation in the world, and more abundantly to you ward II corinthians 1.12
secondly, for those that do not oppose the presumption of carnal wisdom to the pure light of the word:
so we must all be simple or fools that we may be wise:
'if any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool that he may be wise. I corinthians 3.18;
that is, in simplicity of heart submitting to God's conduct, and believing what He hath revealed.
thomas manton
psalm 119.130 - ' the entrance of Thy words giveth light; it giveth understanding unto the simple.
no sooner do they gain admission into the soul than they enlighten it: what light may be expected from their prolonged indwelling! their very entrance floods the mind with instruction, for they are so full, so clear; but, on the other hand, there must be such an 'entrance', or there will be no illumination. the mere hearing of the word with the external ear is of small value by itself, but when the words of God enter into the chambers of the heart then light is scattered on all sides. the word finds no entrance into some minds because they are blocked up with self conceit, or prejudice or indifference; but where due attention is given, divine illumination must surely follow upon a knowledge of the mind of God. oh, that Thy words, like the beams of the sun, may enter through the window of my understanding and dispel the darkness of my mind!
the sincere and candid are the true disiples of the word. to such it gives not only knowledge, but understanding. these simple hearted ones are frequently despised and their simplicity has another meaning infused into it. so as to be made the theme of ridicule; but what matters it? those whom the world dubs as foods are among the truly wise is they are taught of god. what a divine power rests in the word of god, since it not only bestows light, but gives that very mental eye by which the light is received;
'it giveth understanding'. hence the value of the words of God to the simple, who cannot receive mysterious truth unless their minds are aided to see it and prepared to grasp it. spurgeon
(on the next page, as part of the commentary on v136, he includes a poem that reminds me of a word from the Lord recently as to how i do not weep with and for others (thus disobeying the command in romans 12.15)...and now this reminds me of a lack of the heart revealed below. o Lord MAKE ME LIKE YOU!
'Lord, let me weep for nought but sin,
and after none but Thee,
and then i would, o that i might!
a constant weeper be. do a heart change in me oh God. make me like jeremiah whose eyes were rivers of water...but not only for Your people but also for my awful shortfall from 'be perfect for your Father in heaven is perfect.
...the clause does not refer to the mechanical opening of the book by the reader, but to the spiritual opening of its true sense by divine illumination, to the mind which naturally cannot discern it.
joseph addison alexamder
'entrance', lit. opening, ie. unfolding or unveiling. j.j.perowne
'Thy words'..the beginning of them;the first three chapters in genesis, what light do they give into the origin of all things; the creation of man, his state of innocence; his fall through the temptations of satan and his recovery and salvation by Christ, the seed of the woman! the first principles of the oracles of god, the rudiments of religion, the elements of the world, the rites of the ceremonial law gave great light unto gospel mysteries.
john gill
'the entrance of Thy words'..
a profane shopman crams into his pocket a leaf of a bible, and reads the last words of daniel;
'go thou thy way, till the end by, for thou shalt rest and stand in thy lot at the end of the days',
and begins to think what his own lot will be when days are ended.
a gottingen professor opens a big printed bible to see if he has eyesight enough to read it, and alights on the passage,
'i will bring the blind by the way that they knew not,
and in reading it the eyes of his understanding are enlightened.
comwell's soldier opens his bible to see how far the musket ball has pierced and finds it stopped at the verse;
'rejoice, o young man, in thy youth, \and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth;
and walk in the ways of thine heart and the sight of thine eyes;
but know thou that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment.
and in a frolic the kentish soldier opens the bible which his broken hearted mother had sent him, and the first sentence that turns up is the text so familiar in boyish days;
'come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden
and the weary profligate repairs for rest to Jesus Christ. james hamilton d1867
he amplifies this praise of the word of "God when he saith that the entrance thereof, the first opening of the door of the word, gives light:
for if the first entrance to it give light, what will the progress and continuance thereof do? this accuseth the age wherein we live, who now of a long time hath been taught by the word of God so clearly, that in regard of time they might have been teachers of others, yet are they but children in knowledge and understanding. but to whom doth the word give understanding?
david saith to the 'simple':
not to such as are high minded,
or double in heart,
or wise in their own eyes,
who will examine the mysteries of godliness by the quickness of natural reason.
no: to such as deny themselves,
as captive their natural understanding,
and like humble disciples submit themselves,
not to ask, but to hear;
not to reason, but to believe.
and if for this cause, naturalists who want this humility cannot profit by the word;
papists..so full of prejudices concerning it...utter blasphemies against it,
calling it not unprofitable,
but pernicious to the simple and to the idiots.
and again, where they charge it with difficulty, that simple men and idiots should not be suffered to read it, because it is obscure;
all these frivolous allegations of men are annulled by this one testimony of God,
that it gives light to the simple. william cowper.
'light' this light hath excellent properties.
1. it is lux manifestans,
it manifesteth itself and all things else.
how do i see the sun, but by the sun, by its own light?
how do i know the scripture to be the word of God, but by the light that shineth in it, commending itself to my conscience!
so it manifests all things else;
it layeth open all frauds and impostures of satan,
the vanity of worldly things,
the deceits of the heart,
the odiousness of sin.
2. it is lux dirigens, a directing light, that we may see our way and work. as the sun lighteth man to his labour, so doth this direct us in all our conditions.
3. it is lux vivficans, a quickening light.
'I am the light of the world: he that followeth Me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life. john 7.12
'waake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead and Christ shall give thee light. ephesians 5.14
that light was the life of men:
so is this spiritual life;
it not only discovereth the object (Jesus), but helpeth the faculty, filleth the soul with life and strength.
4. it is lux
exhilarans, a comforting, refreshing, cheering light; and that in two respects.
a. because it presents us with excellent grounds of comfort.
b. because it is soul satisfying light. condensed from manton
'it giveth understanding' if all the books in the world were assembled together, the bible would as much take the lead in disciplining the understanding as in directing the soul. it will not make astronomers, chemists or linguists; but
there is a great difference between strengthening the mind and storing it with information. henry melvill
'it giveth understanding to the simple' there are none so knowing that God cannot blind;
none so blind and ignorant whose mind and heart his Spirit cannot open.
He who by his incubation upon the waters at the creation, hatched that rude mass into the beautiful form we now see and out of that dark chaos made the glorious heavens, and garnished them with so many orient
(those which help us to know our direction) stars, can move upon thy dark soul and enlighten it,
though it be as void of knowledge as the evening of the world's first day was of light.
the schoolmaster sometimes sends home the child and bids his father to put him to another trade, because not able, with all his art, to make a scholar of him;
but if the Spirit of God be master,
thou shalt learn,
though a dunce..
no sooner is the soul entered into the Spirit's school,
than he becomes a proficient. william gurnall
'to the simple' this is one great characteristic of the word of God,
-however incomprehensible to the carnal mind,
it is adapted to every grade of enlightened intelligence. w. wilson
'the simple' the word is used sometimes in a god sense, and sometimes ion a bad sense.
it is used in a good sense,
first, for the sincere and plain hearted
'the Lord preserveth the simple: i was brought low, and He helped me. ps. 116.6
'for our rejoicing is this, the testimony of our conscience, that in simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grce of God, we have had our conversation in the world, and more abundantly to you ward II corinthians 1.12
secondly, for those that do not oppose the presumption of carnal wisdom to the pure light of the word:
so we must all be simple or fools that we may be wise:
'if any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool that he may be wise. I corinthians 3.18;
that is, in simplicity of heart submitting to God's conduct, and believing what He hath revealed.
thomas manton
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
11.13.2012 SPURGEON ON PRAYER
'A TRUE PRAYER IS
AN INVENTORY OF NEEDS
A CATALOG OF NECESSITIES
AN EXPOSURE OF SECRET WOUNDS
A REVELATION OF HIDDEN POVERTY.
WHILE IT IS AN APPLICATION TO DIVINE WEATH,
IT IS ALSO A CONFESSION OF HUMAN EMPTINESS.
AN INVENTORY OF NEEDS
A CATALOG OF NECESSITIES
AN EXPOSURE OF SECRET WOUNDS
A REVELATION OF HIDDEN POVERTY.
WHILE IT IS AN APPLICATION TO DIVINE WEATH,
IT IS ALSO A CONFESSION OF HUMAN EMPTINESS.
11.13.2012 I THESSALONIANS 5.16-8 - THE MAGIC PILL!
16 REJOICE ALWAYS
17 PRAY WITHOUT CEASING
18 IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS
take it every morning!
17 PRAY WITHOUT CEASING
18 IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS
take it every morning!
Saturday, November 10, 2012
11.10.2012 POWER VACUUM
when God is not absolutely in control of a person His grace and power cannot operate and the person's life (whether observable outwardly or not by either the person himself or others) is out of control.
the same principle happens in this world system. whenever there is a world power, whether one or several countries, there is relative peace (witness, for one of many examples, the famous pax romana (roman peace) that went on for two centuries or so during the height of the power of the roman empire). but if a world power, retaining the name only, starts to wane, the world is plunged into increasing chaos. i learned this many years ago as a political science student. i sense this happening now. all indications seem to indicate that the political hegemony
(leadership, predominance..from hegemon-a leading or paramount power)
of the united states is vanishing. the reasons in our case are spelled out in deuteronomy 28. God also elevates evil nations to punish other nations for their evil (isaiah 13.1-5 speaks of the situation of babylon destroying judah) and then destroys the destroyers (isaiah 13.17-22;14.1;4-7).
the arab spring with the faux democracies
(they have not a clue that to be a nation of free people is only accomplished by having people who are free to obey God (john 8.32,36) not free to do what they want)
is one of many indications of this.
every recognized freedom must have its roots in this fundamental freedom that comes through submission in our lives to Jesus and His word. and like thoreau learned that even though he was in prison, it was really he that was free and everyone on the outside that was not.
we as a nation are no longer obeying God so all our nationally enjoyed freedoms (freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom from faulty imprisonment and autocratic sentence, freedom of self defense and freedom for the practice of religion are, and de facto, must evaporate away.
THE GOOD NEWS IS that this all according to God's word and that He, throughout the world, is establishing His kingdom secretly (Jesus speaks of His kingdom as like leaven which a woman took and hid in three pecks (Matthew 13.33)
(peck equals 2 gallons)
of meal until it was all leavened (that's when King Jesus comes back to take control in person!). He is creating little pockets of absolute allegiance to Himself in the midst of a sea of human angst, fear, anxiety and woe untold.
'but the wicked are like the tossing sea, for it cannot be quiet, and its waters toss up refuse and mud. there is no peace, says my God, for the wicked. isaiah 57.21f
these pockets are individuals who are free to do what Jesus tells them in the word...and nothing else. every individual like this is an island of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and controlled Self. galatians 5.22 they cannot disobey Jesus and are prepared to suffer anything on account of Him. such a person knows that they live in hell now. this life is the place where only one thing of importance happens..every time they obey Jesus. heaven is a sweet expectation..soon...increasingly sweet in accordance to what they suffer here. whenever they suffer on account of Jesus they sing and dance with rejoicing in their hearts...for they know that when this happens they have been accounted worthy of suffering WITH Jesus and will have great reward in heaven.
'blessed are you when men cast insults at you and persecute you and say all kinds of evil against you falsely, on account of Me. rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great, for so they persecuted the PROPHETS who were before you. matthew 5.11-2 (..and there are no SILENT prophets. every free person speaks the word of God openly.)
the same principle happens in this world system. whenever there is a world power, whether one or several countries, there is relative peace (witness, for one of many examples, the famous pax romana (roman peace) that went on for two centuries or so during the height of the power of the roman empire). but if a world power, retaining the name only, starts to wane, the world is plunged into increasing chaos. i learned this many years ago as a political science student. i sense this happening now. all indications seem to indicate that the political hegemony
(leadership, predominance..from hegemon-a leading or paramount power)
of the united states is vanishing. the reasons in our case are spelled out in deuteronomy 28. God also elevates evil nations to punish other nations for their evil (isaiah 13.1-5 speaks of the situation of babylon destroying judah) and then destroys the destroyers (isaiah 13.17-22;14.1;4-7).
the arab spring with the faux democracies
(they have not a clue that to be a nation of free people is only accomplished by having people who are free to obey God (john 8.32,36) not free to do what they want)
is one of many indications of this.
every recognized freedom must have its roots in this fundamental freedom that comes through submission in our lives to Jesus and His word. and like thoreau learned that even though he was in prison, it was really he that was free and everyone on the outside that was not.
we as a nation are no longer obeying God so all our nationally enjoyed freedoms (freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom from faulty imprisonment and autocratic sentence, freedom of self defense and freedom for the practice of religion are, and de facto, must evaporate away.
THE GOOD NEWS IS that this all according to God's word and that He, throughout the world, is establishing His kingdom secretly (Jesus speaks of His kingdom as like leaven which a woman took and hid in three pecks (Matthew 13.33)
(peck equals 2 gallons)
of meal until it was all leavened (that's when King Jesus comes back to take control in person!). He is creating little pockets of absolute allegiance to Himself in the midst of a sea of human angst, fear, anxiety and woe untold.
'but the wicked are like the tossing sea, for it cannot be quiet, and its waters toss up refuse and mud. there is no peace, says my God, for the wicked. isaiah 57.21f
these pockets are individuals who are free to do what Jesus tells them in the word...and nothing else. every individual like this is an island of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and controlled Self. galatians 5.22 they cannot disobey Jesus and are prepared to suffer anything on account of Him. such a person knows that they live in hell now. this life is the place where only one thing of importance happens..every time they obey Jesus. heaven is a sweet expectation..soon...increasingly sweet in accordance to what they suffer here. whenever they suffer on account of Jesus they sing and dance with rejoicing in their hearts...for they know that when this happens they have been accounted worthy of suffering WITH Jesus and will have great reward in heaven.
'blessed are you when men cast insults at you and persecute you and say all kinds of evil against you falsely, on account of Me. rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great, for so they persecuted the PROPHETS who were before you. matthew 5.11-2 (..and there are no SILENT prophets. every free person speaks the word of God openly.)
Friday, November 9, 2012
11.9.2012 CONSECRATION III
comment in journal on 11.1 in reflection of entry in prayer journal 10.28..
i am learning that when i allow something i know to be wrong in my life it opens the door to sin multiplying and dominating. God pretty clearly was letting me know He wanted me to give myself completely to Him. i would not do this. there were too many 'non-sinful' things in my life that i enjoyed and did not want to give up. hence the following scenario unfolded over the better part of a year's time in my life..
regarding my addictive behavior:
beginning in earnest during 2011
the year i originally thought would be the first 'full time service to the Lord '
...which would continue for the rest of my life
(the year the Lord spoke to me about giving everything to Him..of consecrating myself fully to Him)
rejecting that
(too high a price!)
i subconsciously sought my meaning in
sports (rather than in God)
which then,
without me consciously realizing it,
took (maybe 'demanded' is a better word)
progressively larger chunks,
not only of my time
but my mind
and my affections,
it grew from tv (at first sports, then they got me watching movies i secretly abominated...i was somehow able to not allow this to continue)
to christian magazines (only two, but i HAD to read them)..
to newspapers and then
secular news magazines (a growing number)..
to addictive tv..
to radio..
to addictive radio (i still can almost 'smell' the disgusting way in which the sports 'talk radio' would savage, one after another, human beings playing a game and trying to do their best...absolutely repulsive in my heart but i had to keep getting more and more sports info and that was the only way..that is the point where i knew i was truly addicted) and the growing sports mania which fed them...which was encroaching more and more upon my life to the point of a subtle, insidious (is it not always so in) addiction.
at this time i began to pray
to cry out for help and deliverance
and the Lord took all of it away
john 7.17 says ,
'if any man is WILLING to do His will, he shall know of the teaching, whether it is of God...'
God brought me to the point where i was willing. when He completely took it away, i knew it was Him and not me. i had absolutely no power to stop. then i simply stopped..it all...without any effort, angst or longing. that's when You know it is a work of God.
when a thing is of God there is great power. all the above, which had such a hold on my life for that time, completely left that day...leaving only the two christian magazines in a non-addictive way. i only have one word to say.
HALLELUJAH. i thank You for setting me free Lord.
..quoting from my journal of
11.1...'the Lord took away (what is noted above) in june 2012.
is He now moving me to ? i don't know yet. but i sense the same power as i experienced in what is related above..
1. get up at 4 a.m. EVERY MORNING
2. RUN every other day.
3. quiet time (one hour divided between prayer and reading through the bible in a year)
4. breakfast (1 hour)
5. NEXT work hard at one of the following for 8 hours (40 hour MAX per week)
-is there anyone who You are leading me to help?
-if not, is there any work for pay to do right now?
-if neither of the above, work at 54 (my house) with the goal of establishing a clean, maintained, orderly home ASAP.
6. BE ALERT TO wasting time.
7. after 5 pm is for the Lord. (right now being alone with the Lord seems of utmost importance...forget about running around to church gatherings or of purely self interest with no edification in the Lord. forget about being with people other than for the purpose of exhortation (hebrews 3.13-4), prayer, the word, mutual sharing/examining of current spiritual state (acts 2.42) or sharing the gospel of the kingdom (mk. 16.15).
8. no book reading over .5 hour a day....and m a y b e more extensive on the sixth day of the week (this, at this time, seems mixed in my heart...it is a bit doubtful for it easily can become an idol for me...but great good has come to me spiritually thereby. so this standard along with the cry for constant spiritual awareness and discernment...)
9. abstinence from any food (ie. ice cream is the worse temptation) eaten for taste or any other reason but to gain strength. (ecclessiastes 10.17)
10. continue to move away from anything like intimacy with any woman, young or old, especially those i deem 'spiritual'. (i see more and more the wisdom in a complete, yet not an unnatural or 'weird' separation of the sexes...especially in spiritual matters and matters of the heart. they are still friends but now there is a plexiglass wall between.)
i always thought consecration was once and for all event. my father claimed a second work of grace in which he experienced a once for all filling of the Holy Spirit. i disagreed with his belief, with john wesley, that this included an end to all WILLFUL sin. i can line up passages in the bible on my side...but i still wonder. he had many things about his life that i am hard pressed to find another explanation for. we were always estranged due to my (now clearly seen, then unconscious of) arrogant pride and wickedness, but at heart, even then, i admired his character traits (fruit of the Spirit?) and the way he lived his life. he's already forgiven me..just like my heavenly Father.
i still ponder entire sanctification claimed by my father and many others in church history. i could not say i have any experience such as they report and can be seen in their lives. i am an odd duck. my salvation experience is anything but what might be called simple and normative...yet i KNOW He lives within me..i KNOW the sweet fellowship, the forgiveness of sins, the comfort, the guidance and counsel...and that He will never desert me...but, no matter what happens, will bring me, through the shed blood of Jesus Christ His Son...to Himself at last.
just as salvation has been piecemeal and chaotic, so seems sanctification in my life. right now He is winnowing out of my life all the shit that is in me...but i think it impossible for Him to ever use me in His service until He gives me the heart transplant spoken of in ezekiel 36...until He fills me with His love for people....until He lets me see them as He does.
back to journal..
11.5..'great spiritual struggle in my life'...these words come to mind from the account of when God established His covenant with abraham..'now when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon abram and behold TERROR and GREAT DARKNESS fell upon him'..genesis 15.12. the capitalized words although not exactly matching my experience they are similar and connotative of what i am going through these last few days. something funky is going on. i am experiencing a sort of darkness, confusion, a haze, very weak and flacid prayer, temptation to 'give up' (doing what God seems to be leading me to do (ie. list above)...myriad, strong accusations, drugged-like sleep for long periods of time with no discernable normal reason..
..just shared this with nate (our oldest son) over the phone and asked prayer..immediately have a very real sense of 'lightening' of the general oppression.
...this last causes me to reflect that God has so moved in my life that i am in a position of being quite profoundly alone:
1. i have been moved out of the relatively warm and comfortable leidy church family
2. my 'calling' to speak the truth in love (ephesians 4.15) has almost uniformly lost me relationships. maybe i am doing so in a strictly literal manner when the proper way to do so sounds very different...i just don't know. i just keep looking at what Jesus said (but how, what manner, with what kind of spirit did He do it?! i'm sure it wasn't sweet and syrupy or 'nice'..he said it and they wanted to destroy him...oh Lord it is probably because i don't love people like You! please show me, change me, fill me with You so it comes across the way it did from You..help me please!
3. my time at mision evangelica has turned out not at all the way i might have expected. it seems, in a weird way, that i am like frozen in glass..i'm not real..i still totally freeze up when spoken to or trying to speak (and yet i can praise and pray somewhat freely in spanish...this makes friendship difficult to impossible. most of all real fellowship is not possible. the result is despite some real degree of a surface type of friendliness i still view myself, and probably viewed, as an outsider. may God humble me and give me the boldness to
-stay attached, hang around, hang out, look stupid, talk stupid, make mistakes...but 'be among'..why does this frighten me so, Lord?
maybe their relative aloofness is a mirror image of my own toward them. o Lord have pity on me and help.
4. i have lessening time and interest in talking about the things of the world that everyone talks of and that propensity is growing.
5. i seem to meet or know few people who seem concerned enough about their relationship with Christ..few who seem aware (concerned?) about their great sinfulness and constant failure to be who He saved them to be. (am i the only 'crazy' who struggles against all this? ..the bible, especially Jesus' words are pointed painfully to all different kinds of things amiss!! this experience is a great and growing horror to me as i would think that this would be what MARKED true church fellowship or what those in it were constantly focused on.
6. i know i do not have a genuine love for people...the kind described by Jesus and the word generally. this is probably the cause of a break on my side. i probably have all kinds of wickedness (ie. pride etc) which keeps people away. (it may be a cop out but i see Jesus as profoundly alone, even among His closeset disciples...they seem light years away...such as the time right after He told them (again) of His imminent suffering and death when they were arguing about who was the greatest among them! or, worse, asking preferment in heaven!! not a scintilla of even understanding let alone concern for what He said, what He was about to face..all alone. therefore it is easy for this bad boy to rationalize self-unseen wickedness within the thought 'i'm alone for the same reasons Jesus was!!!! just another example of unbelievable human rationalization.
7. in the past several years God has been revealing my subconscious self. one of the most astounding areas is my hatred for other people. within this year He has given me Jesus' commands in luke 6.27-8;36-8 to 'meditate-pray whenever i am overcome with a spasm of hatred for someone. it has already been used by Him to start making real change in the way i view people. i use them as them as the 'bones' of prayer for individuals who rise in my mind as, hated, for whatever sin i am ascribing to them currently, grows. i find them a real 'spiritual cure' of sorts for hatred and judgmentalism. i find that these sins of mine in reaction to their sins are therby evaporated and not only that but i actually am experiencing a degree of heart change, attitude chang and 'what i do in reference to them' change...which is encouraging..
while this has been good for me, a help and a blessing from god, it has made me relize that this may be the common state of the old nature in everyone (either subconsciously or consciously) and has taken a good bit of my rather naive and rosy view of human nature.
when i think of this my mind can go to john 2.23b-25
('...many believed in His name, beholding His signs which He was doing. but Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all me, and because He..knew what was in man'.)
and become a 'proof text' for 'distance' from people.
but no sooner do i seek rationaliztion for my own aloofness than i am reminded of God's love, the love that caused Him to give Himslef to die a horrible death, though personally Innocent, for men who are 'helpless', 'ungodly', 'sinners', 'enemies' (romans 5.6-11).. i see His tender heart in isaiah 15.5a; 16.9,11 toward men who He is destroying..and i say,
you are not like God if you protect yourslef against the worst of men. and back to luke 6 the mind goes..'love your enemies'..
as larry norman sings, '..you may be a righteous rocker or a holy roller...you can be most anything...but you ain't nothin' without love.
consecrate me Lord. help me to give up all for You...but if i don't have Your love 'i ain't nothin'.
i am learning that when i allow something i know to be wrong in my life it opens the door to sin multiplying and dominating. God pretty clearly was letting me know He wanted me to give myself completely to Him. i would not do this. there were too many 'non-sinful' things in my life that i enjoyed and did not want to give up. hence the following scenario unfolded over the better part of a year's time in my life..
regarding my addictive behavior:
beginning in earnest during 2011
the year i originally thought would be the first 'full time service to the Lord '
...which would continue for the rest of my life
(the year the Lord spoke to me about giving everything to Him..of consecrating myself fully to Him)
rejecting that
(too high a price!)
i subconsciously sought my meaning in
sports (rather than in God)
which then,
without me consciously realizing it,
took (maybe 'demanded' is a better word)
progressively larger chunks,
not only of my time
but my mind
and my affections,
it grew from tv (at first sports, then they got me watching movies i secretly abominated...i was somehow able to not allow this to continue)
to christian magazines (only two, but i HAD to read them)..
to newspapers and then
secular news magazines (a growing number)..
to addictive tv..
to radio..
to addictive radio (i still can almost 'smell' the disgusting way in which the sports 'talk radio' would savage, one after another, human beings playing a game and trying to do their best...absolutely repulsive in my heart but i had to keep getting more and more sports info and that was the only way..that is the point where i knew i was truly addicted) and the growing sports mania which fed them...which was encroaching more and more upon my life to the point of a subtle, insidious (is it not always so in) addiction.
at this time i began to pray
to cry out for help and deliverance
and the Lord took all of it away
john 7.17 says ,
'if any man is WILLING to do His will, he shall know of the teaching, whether it is of God...'
God brought me to the point where i was willing. when He completely took it away, i knew it was Him and not me. i had absolutely no power to stop. then i simply stopped..it all...without any effort, angst or longing. that's when You know it is a work of God.
when a thing is of God there is great power. all the above, which had such a hold on my life for that time, completely left that day...leaving only the two christian magazines in a non-addictive way. i only have one word to say.
HALLELUJAH. i thank You for setting me free Lord.
..quoting from my journal of
11.1...'the Lord took away (what is noted above) in june 2012.
is He now moving me to ? i don't know yet. but i sense the same power as i experienced in what is related above..
1. get up at 4 a.m. EVERY MORNING
2. RUN every other day.
3. quiet time (one hour divided between prayer and reading through the bible in a year)
4. breakfast (1 hour)
5. NEXT work hard at one of the following for 8 hours (40 hour MAX per week)
-is there anyone who You are leading me to help?
-if not, is there any work for pay to do right now?
-if neither of the above, work at 54 (my house) with the goal of establishing a clean, maintained, orderly home ASAP.
6. BE ALERT TO wasting time.
7. after 5 pm is for the Lord. (right now being alone with the Lord seems of utmost importance...forget about running around to church gatherings or of purely self interest with no edification in the Lord. forget about being with people other than for the purpose of exhortation (hebrews 3.13-4), prayer, the word, mutual sharing/examining of current spiritual state (acts 2.42) or sharing the gospel of the kingdom (mk. 16.15).
8. no book reading over .5 hour a day....and m a y b e more extensive on the sixth day of the week (this, at this time, seems mixed in my heart...it is a bit doubtful for it easily can become an idol for me...but great good has come to me spiritually thereby. so this standard along with the cry for constant spiritual awareness and discernment...)
9. abstinence from any food (ie. ice cream is the worse temptation) eaten for taste or any other reason but to gain strength. (ecclessiastes 10.17)
10. continue to move away from anything like intimacy with any woman, young or old, especially those i deem 'spiritual'. (i see more and more the wisdom in a complete, yet not an unnatural or 'weird' separation of the sexes...especially in spiritual matters and matters of the heart. they are still friends but now there is a plexiglass wall between.)
i always thought consecration was once and for all event. my father claimed a second work of grace in which he experienced a once for all filling of the Holy Spirit. i disagreed with his belief, with john wesley, that this included an end to all WILLFUL sin. i can line up passages in the bible on my side...but i still wonder. he had many things about his life that i am hard pressed to find another explanation for. we were always estranged due to my (now clearly seen, then unconscious of) arrogant pride and wickedness, but at heart, even then, i admired his character traits (fruit of the Spirit?) and the way he lived his life. he's already forgiven me..just like my heavenly Father.
i still ponder entire sanctification claimed by my father and many others in church history. i could not say i have any experience such as they report and can be seen in their lives. i am an odd duck. my salvation experience is anything but what might be called simple and normative...yet i KNOW He lives within me..i KNOW the sweet fellowship, the forgiveness of sins, the comfort, the guidance and counsel...and that He will never desert me...but, no matter what happens, will bring me, through the shed blood of Jesus Christ His Son...to Himself at last.
just as salvation has been piecemeal and chaotic, so seems sanctification in my life. right now He is winnowing out of my life all the shit that is in me...but i think it impossible for Him to ever use me in His service until He gives me the heart transplant spoken of in ezekiel 36...until He fills me with His love for people....until He lets me see them as He does.
back to journal..
11.5..'great spiritual struggle in my life'...these words come to mind from the account of when God established His covenant with abraham..'now when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon abram and behold TERROR and GREAT DARKNESS fell upon him'..genesis 15.12. the capitalized words although not exactly matching my experience they are similar and connotative of what i am going through these last few days. something funky is going on. i am experiencing a sort of darkness, confusion, a haze, very weak and flacid prayer, temptation to 'give up' (doing what God seems to be leading me to do (ie. list above)...myriad, strong accusations, drugged-like sleep for long periods of time with no discernable normal reason..
..just shared this with nate (our oldest son) over the phone and asked prayer..immediately have a very real sense of 'lightening' of the general oppression.
...this last causes me to reflect that God has so moved in my life that i am in a position of being quite profoundly alone:
1. i have been moved out of the relatively warm and comfortable leidy church family
2. my 'calling' to speak the truth in love (ephesians 4.15) has almost uniformly lost me relationships. maybe i am doing so in a strictly literal manner when the proper way to do so sounds very different...i just don't know. i just keep looking at what Jesus said (but how, what manner, with what kind of spirit did He do it?! i'm sure it wasn't sweet and syrupy or 'nice'..he said it and they wanted to destroy him...oh Lord it is probably because i don't love people like You! please show me, change me, fill me with You so it comes across the way it did from You..help me please!
3. my time at mision evangelica has turned out not at all the way i might have expected. it seems, in a weird way, that i am like frozen in glass..i'm not real..i still totally freeze up when spoken to or trying to speak (and yet i can praise and pray somewhat freely in spanish...this makes friendship difficult to impossible. most of all real fellowship is not possible. the result is despite some real degree of a surface type of friendliness i still view myself, and probably viewed, as an outsider. may God humble me and give me the boldness to
-stay attached, hang around, hang out, look stupid, talk stupid, make mistakes...but 'be among'..why does this frighten me so, Lord?
maybe their relative aloofness is a mirror image of my own toward them. o Lord have pity on me and help.
4. i have lessening time and interest in talking about the things of the world that everyone talks of and that propensity is growing.
5. i seem to meet or know few people who seem concerned enough about their relationship with Christ..few who seem aware (concerned?) about their great sinfulness and constant failure to be who He saved them to be. (am i the only 'crazy' who struggles against all this? ..the bible, especially Jesus' words are pointed painfully to all different kinds of things amiss!! this experience is a great and growing horror to me as i would think that this would be what MARKED true church fellowship or what those in it were constantly focused on.
6. i know i do not have a genuine love for people...the kind described by Jesus and the word generally. this is probably the cause of a break on my side. i probably have all kinds of wickedness (ie. pride etc) which keeps people away. (it may be a cop out but i see Jesus as profoundly alone, even among His closeset disciples...they seem light years away...such as the time right after He told them (again) of His imminent suffering and death when they were arguing about who was the greatest among them! or, worse, asking preferment in heaven!! not a scintilla of even understanding let alone concern for what He said, what He was about to face..all alone. therefore it is easy for this bad boy to rationalize self-unseen wickedness within the thought 'i'm alone for the same reasons Jesus was!!!! just another example of unbelievable human rationalization.
7. in the past several years God has been revealing my subconscious self. one of the most astounding areas is my hatred for other people. within this year He has given me Jesus' commands in luke 6.27-8;36-8 to 'meditate-pray whenever i am overcome with a spasm of hatred for someone. it has already been used by Him to start making real change in the way i view people. i use them as them as the 'bones' of prayer for individuals who rise in my mind as, hated, for whatever sin i am ascribing to them currently, grows. i find them a real 'spiritual cure' of sorts for hatred and judgmentalism. i find that these sins of mine in reaction to their sins are therby evaporated and not only that but i actually am experiencing a degree of heart change, attitude chang and 'what i do in reference to them' change...which is encouraging..
while this has been good for me, a help and a blessing from god, it has made me relize that this may be the common state of the old nature in everyone (either subconsciously or consciously) and has taken a good bit of my rather naive and rosy view of human nature.
when i think of this my mind can go to john 2.23b-25
('...many believed in His name, beholding His signs which He was doing. but Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all me, and because He..knew what was in man'.)
and become a 'proof text' for 'distance' from people.
but no sooner do i seek rationaliztion for my own aloofness than i am reminded of God's love, the love that caused Him to give Himslef to die a horrible death, though personally Innocent, for men who are 'helpless', 'ungodly', 'sinners', 'enemies' (romans 5.6-11).. i see His tender heart in isaiah 15.5a; 16.9,11 toward men who He is destroying..and i say,
you are not like God if you protect yourslef against the worst of men. and back to luke 6 the mind goes..'love your enemies'..
as larry norman sings, '..you may be a righteous rocker or a holy roller...you can be most anything...but you ain't nothin' without love.
consecrate me Lord. help me to give up all for You...but if i don't have Your love 'i ain't nothin'.
11.9.2012 ALLENDER - 'TO BE TOLD' I
i thank the Lord for the local bookmobile and how He seems to have led me there. just picked up the second book by dan allender, ''to be told' 2005. below i share the introduction, 'what's your story?
1.2... everyone has a story. put another way, everyone's life is a story. but most people don't know how to read their life in a way that reveals their story. they miss the deeper meaning in their life, and they have little sense of how God has written their story to reveal Himself and His own story.
if you don't think such things are important, consider a conversation i had recently with a friend who was weighing a career move. he showed me a list of pros and cons. there were an equal number of problems and benefits no matter what he decided-whether he changed jobs or stayed where he was.
'if the list is weighted according to my values and dreams, he observed, it's a dead heat. i might as well flip a coin.
but my friend was overlooking his own story, the one thing that would give him direction in making this decision. he hadn't considered God's authorship of his life. he was aware of god's authority but not of God's ongoing creative work in his life-and in all our lives.
'which choice allows you to live your life most consistently with how God has been writing your life story?, i asked.
my friend had no idea what i was getting at. so i asked him if he'd ever studied his life to see what story, what themes, and what plot God was writing his life to reveal. he still looked at me as if i were from outer space.
'why would i study my life? he asked. i was there as everything happened, so what is there to study?
this is a bright, honest, good man who is sensitive to God. he listens well to his wife's heart and he is intentional about doing the right thing in countless areas of his life-health, finances, time with his kids and spirituality. but he saw no value in reading his own story.
most of us have spent more time studying a map to avoid getting lost on a trip than we have studying our life so we'll know how to proceed into the future. when we're preparing to make significant decisions,
why will we study a stock report but fail to look at our own story?
why will we read various o op-ed pieces to help clarify our views on a controversial topic but ignore our own past, which helped form our most important views?
if we're taking a course, we're willing to study books that bore us to pieces, but we won't take time to review our own life, which holds answers about God and our selves that will thrill us, amaze us and sober us. we read and study a great variety of sources and spend time researching our options in order to live in the right direction. but SELDOM DO WE APPROACH OUR OWN LIFE WITH THE MIND SET OF A STUDENT, EAGER TO LEARN, GAIN INSIGHT AND FIND DIRECTION FOR THE FUTURE.
we habitually push aside the one thing that can clarify not only how we got to where we are today but also where God is leading us tomorrow and beyond. our own life is the thing that most influences and shapes our outlook, our tendencies, our choices and our decisions. it is the force that orients us toward the future, and yet we don't give it a second thought. much less a careful examination. it's time to listen to our own story.
if you stick with me awhile, we'll take a close look at 4 core issues that are of crucial importance to you-even if you don't yet realize it.
first, GOD is not merely the creator of our life. He IS also THE AUTHOR OF OUR LIFE, and HE WRITES EACH PERSON'S LIFE TO REVEAL HIS DIVINE STORY. there never has been nor ever will be another life like mine-or like yours. just as there is only one face and name like mine, so there is only one story like mine. and God writes the story of my life to make something known about Himself, the one who wrote me. the same is true of you. your life and mine not only reveal who we are, but they also help reveal who God is.
second, NEITHER YOUR LIFE NOR MINE IS A SERIES OF RANDOM SCENES THAT PILE UP LIKE SHOES IN A CLOSET. we don't have to clear out old stories to make room for new ones.
BOTH YOUR STORY AND MINE HAVE
UNIQUE CHARACTERS,
SURPRISING TWISTS
CENTRAL THEMES
TENSION AND SUSPENSE, and
DEEP SIGNIFICANCE.
EACH IS AN INTRIGUING TALE AND NEITHER IS FICTION.
our story is truer than any other reality we know, and
EACH OF US MUST DISCOVER THE MEANING OF WHAT GOD HAS WRITTEN AS OUR LIFE STORY.
IN OUR STORY GOD SHOWS US WHAT HE'S UP TO AND
WHAT HE WANTS US TO BE ABOUT.
with the third core issue, things start to get exciting.
WHEN I STUDY AND UNDERSTAND MY LIFE STORY, I CAN THEN JOIN GOD AS A COAUTHOR.
i don't have to settle for merely being a reader of my life;
GO CALLS ME TO BE A WRITER OF MY FUTURE.
He asks me to take the only life i will ever be given and shape it
in the direction He outlines for me. i am to keep writing, moving forward into the plot that god has woven into the sinews of my soul.
and fourth, THERE IS THE NECESSITY AND BLESSING OF TELLING OUR STORY TO OTHERS. to the degree that we know God and then join Him in writing our story, we are honored to join others in the calling of storytelling. God, of course is the master storyteller. His self revelation is captured in a sweeping narrative and then given to us in the book that grips our heart and captures our soul. God also creates a story with each person's life-a story that we are meant to tell.
AND SINCE WE ARE CALLED TO TELL OUR STORY,
WE ARE ALSO CALLED TO LISTEN TO THE STORIES OF OTHERS.
and since we are to tell and to listen, then
EVEN MORE SO WE ARE CALLED TO ENCOURAGE OTHERS
TO KNOW
AND TELL
AND LISTEN TO GOD'S OWN STORY as well as their own.
God is calling us to fully explore, to fully enjoy and to fully capture the power of the great story. one way we do this is by listening to our lesser stories and then telling them to others.
do you ever feel that you're stuck,
just going through the motions,
not hearing from God, and
not feeling any passion about your life?
it's easy to land there if you're not listening to your story.
God writes our story with great passion and desire, and He reveals our own passions and desires as we read and listen to our story. so i was saddened to see my friend about to make a huge life decision without first asking;
WHO AM I?
WHAT ABOUT GOD AM I MOST UNIQUELY SUITED TO REVEAL TO OTHERS?
AND HOW IS THAT MEANING IN MY LIFE BEST LIVED OUT?
my friend wasn't listening to his own story to gain direction for his decision about the future.
i'm grateful the he accepted the counsel of a self-confessed fool and answered a series of questions that i asked him to consider. you will be asked to answer the same questions as you read this book. to answer these simple questions, you must study your own story. you must listen to the heartache and hope that are etched in the narrative of your life. and you must find the meaning God has written there.
i asked my friend to join God in writing the next paragraph and then the next page of the story that is his life. i'm asking you to do the same. allow others to read and edit and critique and join in the glory of the great story God is telling through you.
YOUR STORY HELPS REVEAL THE GREATEST STORY,
THE STORY THAT GOD IS TELLING ABOUT HIMSELF.
GOD INTENDS FOR EACH OF US TO LIVE FOR A GREATER GLORY AND A GREATER STORY, THAN OUR OWN...
in addition to listening to your story, you need to write your story. at the very minimum, this means you need to name your story. and naming means saying far more than
'my parents largely ignored me, and i felt abandoned.
or even
'i had a happy childhood. i never knew life could be so hard until i grew up.
in my work as a psychotherapist, i often hear these statements. but when i ask the person to narrate, to tell the stories of life that bought him or her to make these statements, i usually get nothing more than a stare. i might as well ask the person to tell me the meaning of e+mc squared and to do so in farsi.
if we can admit the pain and loss and injustice of the past, then why is it so difficult to tell about the day just prior to each incident that marked our life with shame or anger or emptiness? why can we not decipher the themes of our life up to that point? and what about the setting-the sounds and words and sights and smells-of each damaging incident?
we know our stories very well. we just don't yet know how well.
your story has power in your own life, and it has power and meaning to bring to others. i want your story to stir me, draw me to tears, compel me to ask had questions. i want to enter your heartache and join you in the hope of redemption. but your story can't do these things if you can't tell it. you can't tell your story until you know it. and you can't truly know it without owning your part in writing it. and you won't write a really glorious story until you've wrestled with the author who has already written long chapters of your life, many of them not to your liking.
we resist telling a story we don't like and we don't like our own stories. but consider this:
IF YOU DON'T LIKE YOUR STORY,
THEN YOU MUST NOT LIKE THE AUTHOR.
or conversely:
IF YOU LOVE THE AUTHOR,
THEN YOU MUST LOVE THE STORY HE HAS WRITTEN IN AND FOR YOUR LIFE.
let's engage the author of our story so we can enter into the joy He holds before us if we live out our story for the sake of others.
IF WE COME TO KNOW OUR STORY AND
THEN GIVE IT AWAY,
WE WILL DISCOVER THE DEEPEST MEANING IN OUR LIVES.
WE WILL DISCOVER THE AUTHOR WHO IS EMBEDDED IN OUR STORY,
AND WE WILL KNOW THE GLORY HE HAS DESIGNED FOR EACH ONE OF US TO REVEAL.
it is toward this good end that we now set out.
note: well,
is this going to be a book that changes my life,
will it be something that i choose not or 'cannot' do my part to the point of reaching the unbelievable place set forth above
or will it prove a dud, a fake, a fiasco.
time will tell. if the book opens the door to as great and earth shaking life change as it predicts and if i make the effort..am given the grace to get to the last sentence...it will be worth any price i pay, any difficulty i encounter.
i am already thinking of people i know..starting with my estranged wife..who i would like to invite to join with me in this journey.
we will see.
man proposes, God disposes.
1.2... everyone has a story. put another way, everyone's life is a story. but most people don't know how to read their life in a way that reveals their story. they miss the deeper meaning in their life, and they have little sense of how God has written their story to reveal Himself and His own story.
if you don't think such things are important, consider a conversation i had recently with a friend who was weighing a career move. he showed me a list of pros and cons. there were an equal number of problems and benefits no matter what he decided-whether he changed jobs or stayed where he was.
'if the list is weighted according to my values and dreams, he observed, it's a dead heat. i might as well flip a coin.
but my friend was overlooking his own story, the one thing that would give him direction in making this decision. he hadn't considered God's authorship of his life. he was aware of god's authority but not of God's ongoing creative work in his life-and in all our lives.
'which choice allows you to live your life most consistently with how God has been writing your life story?, i asked.
my friend had no idea what i was getting at. so i asked him if he'd ever studied his life to see what story, what themes, and what plot God was writing his life to reveal. he still looked at me as if i were from outer space.
'why would i study my life? he asked. i was there as everything happened, so what is there to study?
this is a bright, honest, good man who is sensitive to God. he listens well to his wife's heart and he is intentional about doing the right thing in countless areas of his life-health, finances, time with his kids and spirituality. but he saw no value in reading his own story.
most of us have spent more time studying a map to avoid getting lost on a trip than we have studying our life so we'll know how to proceed into the future. when we're preparing to make significant decisions,
why will we study a stock report but fail to look at our own story?
why will we read various o op-ed pieces to help clarify our views on a controversial topic but ignore our own past, which helped form our most important views?
if we're taking a course, we're willing to study books that bore us to pieces, but we won't take time to review our own life, which holds answers about God and our selves that will thrill us, amaze us and sober us. we read and study a great variety of sources and spend time researching our options in order to live in the right direction. but SELDOM DO WE APPROACH OUR OWN LIFE WITH THE MIND SET OF A STUDENT, EAGER TO LEARN, GAIN INSIGHT AND FIND DIRECTION FOR THE FUTURE.
we habitually push aside the one thing that can clarify not only how we got to where we are today but also where God is leading us tomorrow and beyond. our own life is the thing that most influences and shapes our outlook, our tendencies, our choices and our decisions. it is the force that orients us toward the future, and yet we don't give it a second thought. much less a careful examination. it's time to listen to our own story.
if you stick with me awhile, we'll take a close look at 4 core issues that are of crucial importance to you-even if you don't yet realize it.
first, GOD is not merely the creator of our life. He IS also THE AUTHOR OF OUR LIFE, and HE WRITES EACH PERSON'S LIFE TO REVEAL HIS DIVINE STORY. there never has been nor ever will be another life like mine-or like yours. just as there is only one face and name like mine, so there is only one story like mine. and God writes the story of my life to make something known about Himself, the one who wrote me. the same is true of you. your life and mine not only reveal who we are, but they also help reveal who God is.
second, NEITHER YOUR LIFE NOR MINE IS A SERIES OF RANDOM SCENES THAT PILE UP LIKE SHOES IN A CLOSET. we don't have to clear out old stories to make room for new ones.
BOTH YOUR STORY AND MINE HAVE
UNIQUE CHARACTERS,
SURPRISING TWISTS
CENTRAL THEMES
TENSION AND SUSPENSE, and
DEEP SIGNIFICANCE.
EACH IS AN INTRIGUING TALE AND NEITHER IS FICTION.
our story is truer than any other reality we know, and
EACH OF US MUST DISCOVER THE MEANING OF WHAT GOD HAS WRITTEN AS OUR LIFE STORY.
IN OUR STORY GOD SHOWS US WHAT HE'S UP TO AND
WHAT HE WANTS US TO BE ABOUT.
with the third core issue, things start to get exciting.
WHEN I STUDY AND UNDERSTAND MY LIFE STORY, I CAN THEN JOIN GOD AS A COAUTHOR.
i don't have to settle for merely being a reader of my life;
GO CALLS ME TO BE A WRITER OF MY FUTURE.
He asks me to take the only life i will ever be given and shape it
in the direction He outlines for me. i am to keep writing, moving forward into the plot that god has woven into the sinews of my soul.
and fourth, THERE IS THE NECESSITY AND BLESSING OF TELLING OUR STORY TO OTHERS. to the degree that we know God and then join Him in writing our story, we are honored to join others in the calling of storytelling. God, of course is the master storyteller. His self revelation is captured in a sweeping narrative and then given to us in the book that grips our heart and captures our soul. God also creates a story with each person's life-a story that we are meant to tell.
AND SINCE WE ARE CALLED TO TELL OUR STORY,
WE ARE ALSO CALLED TO LISTEN TO THE STORIES OF OTHERS.
and since we are to tell and to listen, then
EVEN MORE SO WE ARE CALLED TO ENCOURAGE OTHERS
TO KNOW
AND TELL
AND LISTEN TO GOD'S OWN STORY as well as their own.
God is calling us to fully explore, to fully enjoy and to fully capture the power of the great story. one way we do this is by listening to our lesser stories and then telling them to others.
do you ever feel that you're stuck,
just going through the motions,
not hearing from God, and
not feeling any passion about your life?
it's easy to land there if you're not listening to your story.
God writes our story with great passion and desire, and He reveals our own passions and desires as we read and listen to our story. so i was saddened to see my friend about to make a huge life decision without first asking;
WHO AM I?
WHAT ABOUT GOD AM I MOST UNIQUELY SUITED TO REVEAL TO OTHERS?
AND HOW IS THAT MEANING IN MY LIFE BEST LIVED OUT?
my friend wasn't listening to his own story to gain direction for his decision about the future.
i'm grateful the he accepted the counsel of a self-confessed fool and answered a series of questions that i asked him to consider. you will be asked to answer the same questions as you read this book. to answer these simple questions, you must study your own story. you must listen to the heartache and hope that are etched in the narrative of your life. and you must find the meaning God has written there.
i asked my friend to join God in writing the next paragraph and then the next page of the story that is his life. i'm asking you to do the same. allow others to read and edit and critique and join in the glory of the great story God is telling through you.
YOUR STORY HELPS REVEAL THE GREATEST STORY,
THE STORY THAT GOD IS TELLING ABOUT HIMSELF.
GOD INTENDS FOR EACH OF US TO LIVE FOR A GREATER GLORY AND A GREATER STORY, THAN OUR OWN...
in addition to listening to your story, you need to write your story. at the very minimum, this means you need to name your story. and naming means saying far more than
'my parents largely ignored me, and i felt abandoned.
or even
'i had a happy childhood. i never knew life could be so hard until i grew up.
in my work as a psychotherapist, i often hear these statements. but when i ask the person to narrate, to tell the stories of life that bought him or her to make these statements, i usually get nothing more than a stare. i might as well ask the person to tell me the meaning of e+mc squared and to do so in farsi.
if we can admit the pain and loss and injustice of the past, then why is it so difficult to tell about the day just prior to each incident that marked our life with shame or anger or emptiness? why can we not decipher the themes of our life up to that point? and what about the setting-the sounds and words and sights and smells-of each damaging incident?
we know our stories very well. we just don't yet know how well.
your story has power in your own life, and it has power and meaning to bring to others. i want your story to stir me, draw me to tears, compel me to ask had questions. i want to enter your heartache and join you in the hope of redemption. but your story can't do these things if you can't tell it. you can't tell your story until you know it. and you can't truly know it without owning your part in writing it. and you won't write a really glorious story until you've wrestled with the author who has already written long chapters of your life, many of them not to your liking.
we resist telling a story we don't like and we don't like our own stories. but consider this:
IF YOU DON'T LIKE YOUR STORY,
THEN YOU MUST NOT LIKE THE AUTHOR.
or conversely:
IF YOU LOVE THE AUTHOR,
THEN YOU MUST LOVE THE STORY HE HAS WRITTEN IN AND FOR YOUR LIFE.
let's engage the author of our story so we can enter into the joy He holds before us if we live out our story for the sake of others.
IF WE COME TO KNOW OUR STORY AND
THEN GIVE IT AWAY,
WE WILL DISCOVER THE DEEPEST MEANING IN OUR LIVES.
WE WILL DISCOVER THE AUTHOR WHO IS EMBEDDED IN OUR STORY,
AND WE WILL KNOW THE GLORY HE HAS DESIGNED FOR EACH ONE OF US TO REVEAL.
it is toward this good end that we now set out.
note: well,
is this going to be a book that changes my life,
will it be something that i choose not or 'cannot' do my part to the point of reaching the unbelievable place set forth above
or will it prove a dud, a fake, a fiasco.
time will tell. if the book opens the door to as great and earth shaking life change as it predicts and if i make the effort..am given the grace to get to the last sentence...it will be worth any price i pay, any difficulty i encounter.
i am already thinking of people i know..starting with my estranged wife..who i would like to invite to join with me in this journey.
we will see.
man proposes, God disposes.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
11.3.2012 BARACK OBAMA OR MITT ROMNEY?
ironically, the presidential race is not really very important at all. the magnifying glass placed over it by the media shows that we are no longer in any sense a free people. if we were free people, we would
-not listen to the media in the first place.
-have impeached virtually every (naw, let's say EVERY, for they all got the disease) elected official long ago...on one issue alone,
thinking that they are in charge rather than stewards of what has been entrusted to them by law
ie. the president should stop making laws as that isn't what a president is elected to do.
the supreme court should stop making laws as that is not what they are elected to do.
the congress should revoke any laws made by the president and supreme court.
-have regularly reinstalled and reimpeached officials until they keep the oath they swear to abide by the constitution...
..but none of this does any good if the laws do not reflect the fear and wisdom of the God of the bible.
also, IRONICALLY, 'FREEDOM' IS NO LONGER IMPORTANT
WHEN IT CHANGES FROM
freedom to obey God and be His servant and the servant of one's fellow man TO
freedom to do as i please.
...we in america have morphed from the first to the second which is another way of saying SLAVERY.
HUMPTY DUMPTY HAS FALLEN and
all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put him together again.
i used to think that it was very strange that a person would not vote..whether through apathy or religious conviction, etc. i am coming round...maybe...
if any real people with the guts to do what is right i might vote again some day.
but before dropping out totally from this 'privilege'
(to send a person to a place of governmental authority where in disregard to God, law or any other possible restraint...they do what they DAMN WELL PLEASE...i'm not cursing them..rather trying to capture the general impression i have from american 'public servants' i have observed from close up or far away).
i plan to write in, for the third election in a row, the considered-crazy Paul man who comes the closest to being an electable...write him in for all the republicans up for other offices too.
i hope to help barack obama get reelected for i see that as the quickest way to bring about the demise of america, the economic, media and sexual sewage pipe currently spewing out its filth to the rest of the (imitating) world...after all we must be right..we have all the $$$$$$$. we need to 'mainline' a second dose of president obama in order to get to total destruction more quickly.
but there is also a kind of is a 'win' situation if mitt romney squeezes in. he,
the quintessential shining, modeled, plastic party icon designed to get the most votes possible..given the unfortunate moral deficit he must lug around to get those weird people who abhor things like public genocide,
seems more likely to succeed (for a short while) in patching up the economic black hole of immoral america..
which will be handy to give the illusion that we are still 'blessed' of God...
and bring a complete and overdue destruction of the republican party.
my hope is not the republican party. (i come from generations of republicans and have been a card carryer all my adult life.)
my hope is not a 'more healthy economy.
my hope is not in anything other that a complete renunciation of who we currently are.
my hope is to wake up from my spiritually drugged state and
START TO FEAR GOD ENOUGH TO OBEY HIM as a good slave would obey his master.
luke 6 CREDO
love my enemy
do good to those who hate me
bless those who curse me
pray for those who spitefully abuse me
judge no one
condemn no one
pardon everyone
give (good measure, pressed down shaken together, running over)
trust God (jeremiah 17.5f
God will progressively destroy america as she is,
God will bless whoever obeys His word and puts all their trust in Him alone.
-not listen to the media in the first place.
-have impeached virtually every (naw, let's say EVERY, for they all got the disease) elected official long ago...on one issue alone,
thinking that they are in charge rather than stewards of what has been entrusted to them by law
ie. the president should stop making laws as that isn't what a president is elected to do.
the supreme court should stop making laws as that is not what they are elected to do.
the congress should revoke any laws made by the president and supreme court.
-have regularly reinstalled and reimpeached officials until they keep the oath they swear to abide by the constitution...
..but none of this does any good if the laws do not reflect the fear and wisdom of the God of the bible.
also, IRONICALLY, 'FREEDOM' IS NO LONGER IMPORTANT
WHEN IT CHANGES FROM
freedom to obey God and be His servant and the servant of one's fellow man TO
freedom to do as i please.
...we in america have morphed from the first to the second which is another way of saying SLAVERY.
HUMPTY DUMPTY HAS FALLEN and
all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put him together again.
i used to think that it was very strange that a person would not vote..whether through apathy or religious conviction, etc. i am coming round...maybe...
if any real people with the guts to do what is right i might vote again some day.
but before dropping out totally from this 'privilege'
(to send a person to a place of governmental authority where in disregard to God, law or any other possible restraint...they do what they DAMN WELL PLEASE...i'm not cursing them..rather trying to capture the general impression i have from american 'public servants' i have observed from close up or far away).
i plan to write in, for the third election in a row, the considered-crazy Paul man who comes the closest to being an electable...write him in for all the republicans up for other offices too.
i hope to help barack obama get reelected for i see that as the quickest way to bring about the demise of america, the economic, media and sexual sewage pipe currently spewing out its filth to the rest of the (imitating) world...after all we must be right..we have all the $$$$$$$. we need to 'mainline' a second dose of president obama in order to get to total destruction more quickly.
but there is also a kind of is a 'win' situation if mitt romney squeezes in. he,
the quintessential shining, modeled, plastic party icon designed to get the most votes possible..given the unfortunate moral deficit he must lug around to get those weird people who abhor things like public genocide,
seems more likely to succeed (for a short while) in patching up the economic black hole of immoral america..
which will be handy to give the illusion that we are still 'blessed' of God...
and bring a complete and overdue destruction of the republican party.
my hope is not the republican party. (i come from generations of republicans and have been a card carryer all my adult life.)
my hope is not a 'more healthy economy.
my hope is not in anything other that a complete renunciation of who we currently are.
my hope is to wake up from my spiritually drugged state and
START TO FEAR GOD ENOUGH TO OBEY HIM as a good slave would obey his master.
luke 6 CREDO
love my enemy
do good to those who hate me
bless those who curse me
pray for those who spitefully abuse me
judge no one
condemn no one
pardon everyone
give (good measure, pressed down shaken together, running over)
trust God (jeremiah 17.5f
God will progressively destroy america as she is,
God will bless whoever obeys His word and puts all their trust in Him alone.
Friday, November 2, 2012
11.2.2012 JESUS CHRIST SAVES SUSSANA'S SON, JOHN!
oh Lord, work in me so i no longer assent to 'correct doctrine' but do what You say. i like john wesley hunger for REALITY, not just words. it seems like i'm 'living'. i hunger to be truly crucified with Christ so that it is no longer i who live but Christ who lives in, and is experienced by me...so that others see Him not me.
below taken from sussana wesley by charles ludwig..
160.2 while john and charles were attendig oxford, the morals of the students were extrememly low. drinking, gambling, idleness, and loose living were common. both john ancd charles rebelled at this. charles wrote: diligence led me into serious thinking. i went to the weekly sacrament and persuaded two or three young students to accompany me and to observe the method of study prescribed by the statutes of the uiversity. this gave me the harmless name of METHODIST.
soon, this little group increased until it had as many as 25 members. from susanna, charles had learned the value of method; and, now that hed had founded this group which was soon to be known as the holy club, methods became part of their system. each minute of day had its purpose. there was a certain time for prayer, fasting, studying the bible, distributing alms, visiting prisoners, group discussions, taking communion, and so on.
i was because of these methods, members of the holy club were sneered at as being methodists. and it was because charles wesley had founded the holy club that he is revered as being the first methodist.
while john and charles continued at oxford, susanna kept up a steady correspondence with them. she encouraged them, discussed fine points in theology, and gave advice. she rejoiced when they were ordained priests in the church of england. but she refused to insist that they follow this course. that tsk, she felt, was the work of the Holy Spirit.
169.last...on october 14, 1735, john and charles took a boat from gravesend in ordderto embark for georgia. that afternoon they boarded the simmonds. although their mother was absent, her influence was still with them. the idea of method which they had learned from her had become part of the fiber of their lives. they had agreed to be engaged in private prayer each morning from 4 till 5; to study the bible together from 5 till 7; to breakfast from 7 till 8; from 8 until 9 to have public prayers; and to continue on in this manner until they retired for the ight between 9 and 10. it was a hectic schedule.
during their third month at sea, the simmonds was caught in a terrible storm. john recorded the event in his journal.
'at noon our third storm began. at 4 it was more violent that before. the winds roared about us. the ship not only rocked...with the utmost violence, but shook and jarred with so unequal, grating motion, that one could not but with great difficulty keep one's hold of anything, nor stand a moment without it. every ten minutes came a chock from the stern or side of the shi, which one would think would dash the planks to pieces.
'at 7 i went to the germans (they were called moravians and were on their way to georgia). i had long before observed the great seriousness of their behavior. of their humility tey had given me continual proof. and every day had given them occasion of showing a meekness which no injury could remove. if they were pushed, struck, or thrown down, they rose again and went away; but no complaint wsas found in their mouth. there was now an opportunity of trying whether they were delivered from the spirit of fear, as well as from that of pride, anger and revenge. in the midst of the psalm wherewith their service began, the sea broke over, split the main sail in pieces, covdered the ship and poured in between the decks, as if the great deep had already swallowed us up. a terrible screaming began among the english.
the moravians calmly sung on.
i asked one of them afterwards, '(were) you not afraid?
he answered, 'i thank God, no.
i asked, 'but were not your women and children afraid?
he replied, mildly, 'no;p our women and children are not afraid to die.
the storm stopped at noon.
but the turmoil in wesley's heart did not stop.
again and again he questioned himself,
'WHAT IS IT THAT THESE MORAVIAN BRETHREN HAVE THAT I DO NOT HAVE?
could it be, he wondered, that there is more to christianityh than the mere reading of prayers and the quoting of scripture?
...after almost 4 months on the ocean, the simmonds reached the savannah river on february 5, 1736. both john and charles were utterly wearied by their trip. still, both remained intrigued by the Christ like lives of the moravians.
approaching mr. spangenberg, one of the moravian pastors, john questioned him about the serenity or his people. in reply, the pastor said,
'my brothr, i must first ask you one or two questions.
HAVE YOU THE WITNESS WITHIN YOURSELF?
does the Sprit of God bear witness with your spirit that you are a child of God?
mumbed by the question, john remained silent.
then spangenberg had another question.
'DO YOU KNOW JESUS CHRIST?
'i know that He is the saviour of the world, replied john after a pause.
'true, replied the german,
''but do you know that He has saved YOU?
the pastor's emphasis on YOU startled john.
didn't the man know that he had and oxford degree,
that he was a fellow of lincoldn college,
an ordained priest,
the son of an ordained priest,
an ardent student of the bible,
a missionary,
and that he had served as a curate?
and didn't he know that he had been baptized as an infant,
that he had been raised in the church,
and that his parents were godly people?
finally, john wesley gulped,
'i hope...He..died to save me.
but his words had a doubtful ring in them.
neither john nor charles was happy in georgia...
neither john nor charles had been converted to the moravian faith. but each had been definitely influenced. moreover, peter bohler, another moravian, had kept in contact with them in london. realizing that he would preach faith, john was puzzled;
for he himself, had very little faith.
approaching peter, he asked,
'but what can i preach?
peter replied:
'PREACH FAITH TIL YOU HAVE IT;
AND THEN BECAUSE YOU HAVE IT,
YOU WILL PREACH FAITH.
john followed his friend's advice. but this led to problems, as indicated by his journal.
tues. 9. i preached at great st. helen's..on
'he spared not His own son, but delivered Him up for us all.
my heart was now so enlarged to declare the love of God to all that were oppressed by the devil,
that i did not wonder in the least when i was afterward told,
'sir, you must preach here no more.
sun. 14. i preached in the morning at st. ann's aldersgate; and in the afternoon at the savoy chapel, free salvation in the blood of Christ. i was quickly apprized that at st. ann's, likewise, i am to preach no more.
and so it went. the pulpit was closed to him at st. john's, wapping,at st. bennett's, at paul's-warf, and other places. charles, too, was ignored.
with almost every door bolted in front of them, charles and john (and sussana with them) were dismayed and heartbroken. neither charles nor john knew that an amazing breakthrough which would transform england was less than two weeks away.
kezzyhad a breakthrough experience in which she realized that Christ had come to earth to die for her sins. her feeling of assurance was so profound and so visible that charles was inspired to write one of his greatest hymns:
love divine, all love excelling
joy of heaven, to earth come down.
fix in us Thy humble dwelling
all Thy faithful mercies crown
following kezzy's 'conversion', charles had his own encounter with the Lord. his was in a rowhouse-number 12-in little britain, a short street that right angles from aldersgate. his conversion was on may 21 and was the result of a 'poor ignorant mechanic who knew nothing but Christ'.
three days later, feeling that he had never really been converted,
(note: this testimony is very meaningful to me..it 'speaks' deeply to me because it has many parallels to mine..
you don't know Christ because of your family.
you don't know Christ because of what you understand mentally.
you don't know Christ because of what you have done.
you don't know Christ because you believe the bible.)
john wesley concentrated on studying the new testament. to his amazement, he learned that the conversion experience was almost always an instantaneous one. troubled, he continued to consult with bohler, and then with bohler's friends. finally convinced that simple faith was the answer, he resolved in his own words to renounce
'all dependence in whole or in part, upon my own works or righteousness.
but pray as he would, nothing seemed to happen.
then about 5 in the morning on wednesday, may 24, 1738, he opened his greek new testament to II peter 1.4. there, he read:
'whereby are given unto us exceedingly great and precious promises; that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature.
afterwards, just as he left the house, he read the words of Jesus:
'thou art not far from the kingdom of god mark 12.34.
in the afternoon he was invited by a friend to attend a service in the nearby st. paul's cathedral.
curiously, the anthem was psalm 130. backgrounded by music of henry purcell, former organist of westminster abbey, the words were:
'out of the deep have i called unto Thee, o Lord; Lord, hear my voice.
john listened intently, for that anthem fitted his need as closely as a glove fits a hand. what happened after that? turning to his journal we read:
'in the evening i went very unwillingly to a society in aldersgate street, where one was reading luther's preface to the epistle to the romans. about a quarter till nine, while he was describing the change which God works in the heart through faith in Christ,
i felt my heart strangely warmed,
i felt that i did trust Christ,
Christ alone for salvation:
and an assurance was given me,
that He had taken away MY sins,
even MINE,
and saved ME from the law of sin and death.
assured of personal salvation through Christ, john and charles began to have a crowded ministry. soon, both were preaching many times each day. and when the churches were bolted against them, they preached in the streets, in the fields, at public gatherings. at first, they attracted a few, then hundreds, then thousands, then tens of thousands. george whitefield suggested field preaching. john was horrified. then he remembered how his mother had led services in the kitchen and how transforming those services had been. thus encouraged, he took the plunge and was soon observing gutters in the coal miners' faces as their tears washed away the dust.
(note: how is it possible to truly, i mean 'rightly', 'actually', 'savingly', know Christ and not tell every person you meet about them...to not speak the truth of God as it bears upon each person whether they say they are 'saved' or not? how is it possible. larry norman in sweet sweet song of salvation says,
when you know a pretty story, you don't let it go unsaid,
you tell it to your children as you tuck them into bed
and when you know a wonderful secret
you tell it to you friends,
tell them that a lifetime with Jesus is like a street that never ends.
it seems, well it just seems almost impossible to truly know the gospel without having to speak of it to everyone.
..and i carefully, guardedly, partially, fearfully (what will they do to me if they don't like it or don't believe it?)
at times, more likely when there are other 'christians' around for 'moral support'..
WHAT HORRIFIC GARBAGE
I MUST NOT TRULY HAVE JESUS IN MY HEART YET or i would continue the abominable, shameful, disgraceful way i am now living 'for' Him.)
below taken from sussana wesley by charles ludwig..
160.2 while john and charles were attendig oxford, the morals of the students were extrememly low. drinking, gambling, idleness, and loose living were common. both john ancd charles rebelled at this. charles wrote: diligence led me into serious thinking. i went to the weekly sacrament and persuaded two or three young students to accompany me and to observe the method of study prescribed by the statutes of the uiversity. this gave me the harmless name of METHODIST.
soon, this little group increased until it had as many as 25 members. from susanna, charles had learned the value of method; and, now that hed had founded this group which was soon to be known as the holy club, methods became part of their system. each minute of day had its purpose. there was a certain time for prayer, fasting, studying the bible, distributing alms, visiting prisoners, group discussions, taking communion, and so on.
i was because of these methods, members of the holy club were sneered at as being methodists. and it was because charles wesley had founded the holy club that he is revered as being the first methodist.
while john and charles continued at oxford, susanna kept up a steady correspondence with them. she encouraged them, discussed fine points in theology, and gave advice. she rejoiced when they were ordained priests in the church of england. but she refused to insist that they follow this course. that tsk, she felt, was the work of the Holy Spirit.
169.last...on october 14, 1735, john and charles took a boat from gravesend in ordderto embark for georgia. that afternoon they boarded the simmonds. although their mother was absent, her influence was still with them. the idea of method which they had learned from her had become part of the fiber of their lives. they had agreed to be engaged in private prayer each morning from 4 till 5; to study the bible together from 5 till 7; to breakfast from 7 till 8; from 8 until 9 to have public prayers; and to continue on in this manner until they retired for the ight between 9 and 10. it was a hectic schedule.
during their third month at sea, the simmonds was caught in a terrible storm. john recorded the event in his journal.
'at noon our third storm began. at 4 it was more violent that before. the winds roared about us. the ship not only rocked...with the utmost violence, but shook and jarred with so unequal, grating motion, that one could not but with great difficulty keep one's hold of anything, nor stand a moment without it. every ten minutes came a chock from the stern or side of the shi, which one would think would dash the planks to pieces.
'at 7 i went to the germans (they were called moravians and were on their way to georgia). i had long before observed the great seriousness of their behavior. of their humility tey had given me continual proof. and every day had given them occasion of showing a meekness which no injury could remove. if they were pushed, struck, or thrown down, they rose again and went away; but no complaint wsas found in their mouth. there was now an opportunity of trying whether they were delivered from the spirit of fear, as well as from that of pride, anger and revenge. in the midst of the psalm wherewith their service began, the sea broke over, split the main sail in pieces, covdered the ship and poured in between the decks, as if the great deep had already swallowed us up. a terrible screaming began among the english.
the moravians calmly sung on.
i asked one of them afterwards, '(were) you not afraid?
he answered, 'i thank God, no.
i asked, 'but were not your women and children afraid?
he replied, mildly, 'no;p our women and children are not afraid to die.
the storm stopped at noon.
but the turmoil in wesley's heart did not stop.
again and again he questioned himself,
'WHAT IS IT THAT THESE MORAVIAN BRETHREN HAVE THAT I DO NOT HAVE?
could it be, he wondered, that there is more to christianityh than the mere reading of prayers and the quoting of scripture?
...after almost 4 months on the ocean, the simmonds reached the savannah river on february 5, 1736. both john and charles were utterly wearied by their trip. still, both remained intrigued by the Christ like lives of the moravians.
approaching mr. spangenberg, one of the moravian pastors, john questioned him about the serenity or his people. in reply, the pastor said,
'my brothr, i must first ask you one or two questions.
HAVE YOU THE WITNESS WITHIN YOURSELF?
does the Sprit of God bear witness with your spirit that you are a child of God?
mumbed by the question, john remained silent.
then spangenberg had another question.
'DO YOU KNOW JESUS CHRIST?
'i know that He is the saviour of the world, replied john after a pause.
'true, replied the german,
''but do you know that He has saved YOU?
the pastor's emphasis on YOU startled john.
didn't the man know that he had and oxford degree,
that he was a fellow of lincoldn college,
an ordained priest,
the son of an ordained priest,
an ardent student of the bible,
a missionary,
and that he had served as a curate?
and didn't he know that he had been baptized as an infant,
that he had been raised in the church,
and that his parents were godly people?
finally, john wesley gulped,
'i hope...He..died to save me.
but his words had a doubtful ring in them.
neither john nor charles was happy in georgia...
neither john nor charles had been converted to the moravian faith. but each had been definitely influenced. moreover, peter bohler, another moravian, had kept in contact with them in london. realizing that he would preach faith, john was puzzled;
for he himself, had very little faith.
approaching peter, he asked,
'but what can i preach?
peter replied:
'PREACH FAITH TIL YOU HAVE IT;
AND THEN BECAUSE YOU HAVE IT,
YOU WILL PREACH FAITH.
john followed his friend's advice. but this led to problems, as indicated by his journal.
tues. 9. i preached at great st. helen's..on
'he spared not His own son, but delivered Him up for us all.
my heart was now so enlarged to declare the love of God to all that were oppressed by the devil,
that i did not wonder in the least when i was afterward told,
'sir, you must preach here no more.
sun. 14. i preached in the morning at st. ann's aldersgate; and in the afternoon at the savoy chapel, free salvation in the blood of Christ. i was quickly apprized that at st. ann's, likewise, i am to preach no more.
and so it went. the pulpit was closed to him at st. john's, wapping,at st. bennett's, at paul's-warf, and other places. charles, too, was ignored.
with almost every door bolted in front of them, charles and john (and sussana with them) were dismayed and heartbroken. neither charles nor john knew that an amazing breakthrough which would transform england was less than two weeks away.
kezzyhad a breakthrough experience in which she realized that Christ had come to earth to die for her sins. her feeling of assurance was so profound and so visible that charles was inspired to write one of his greatest hymns:
love divine, all love excelling
joy of heaven, to earth come down.
fix in us Thy humble dwelling
all Thy faithful mercies crown
following kezzy's 'conversion', charles had his own encounter with the Lord. his was in a rowhouse-number 12-in little britain, a short street that right angles from aldersgate. his conversion was on may 21 and was the result of a 'poor ignorant mechanic who knew nothing but Christ'.
three days later, feeling that he had never really been converted,
(note: this testimony is very meaningful to me..it 'speaks' deeply to me because it has many parallels to mine..
you don't know Christ because of your family.
you don't know Christ because of what you understand mentally.
you don't know Christ because of what you have done.
you don't know Christ because you believe the bible.)
john wesley concentrated on studying the new testament. to his amazement, he learned that the conversion experience was almost always an instantaneous one. troubled, he continued to consult with bohler, and then with bohler's friends. finally convinced that simple faith was the answer, he resolved in his own words to renounce
'all dependence in whole or in part, upon my own works or righteousness.
but pray as he would, nothing seemed to happen.
then about 5 in the morning on wednesday, may 24, 1738, he opened his greek new testament to II peter 1.4. there, he read:
'whereby are given unto us exceedingly great and precious promises; that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature.
afterwards, just as he left the house, he read the words of Jesus:
'thou art not far from the kingdom of god mark 12.34.
in the afternoon he was invited by a friend to attend a service in the nearby st. paul's cathedral.
curiously, the anthem was psalm 130. backgrounded by music of henry purcell, former organist of westminster abbey, the words were:
'out of the deep have i called unto Thee, o Lord; Lord, hear my voice.
john listened intently, for that anthem fitted his need as closely as a glove fits a hand. what happened after that? turning to his journal we read:
'in the evening i went very unwillingly to a society in aldersgate street, where one was reading luther's preface to the epistle to the romans. about a quarter till nine, while he was describing the change which God works in the heart through faith in Christ,
i felt my heart strangely warmed,
i felt that i did trust Christ,
Christ alone for salvation:
and an assurance was given me,
that He had taken away MY sins,
even MINE,
and saved ME from the law of sin and death.
assured of personal salvation through Christ, john and charles began to have a crowded ministry. soon, both were preaching many times each day. and when the churches were bolted against them, they preached in the streets, in the fields, at public gatherings. at first, they attracted a few, then hundreds, then thousands, then tens of thousands. george whitefield suggested field preaching. john was horrified. then he remembered how his mother had led services in the kitchen and how transforming those services had been. thus encouraged, he took the plunge and was soon observing gutters in the coal miners' faces as their tears washed away the dust.
(note: how is it possible to truly, i mean 'rightly', 'actually', 'savingly', know Christ and not tell every person you meet about them...to not speak the truth of God as it bears upon each person whether they say they are 'saved' or not? how is it possible. larry norman in sweet sweet song of salvation says,
when you know a pretty story, you don't let it go unsaid,
you tell it to your children as you tuck them into bed
and when you know a wonderful secret
you tell it to you friends,
tell them that a lifetime with Jesus is like a street that never ends.
it seems, well it just seems almost impossible to truly know the gospel without having to speak of it to everyone.
..and i carefully, guardedly, partially, fearfully (what will they do to me if they don't like it or don't believe it?)
at times, more likely when there are other 'christians' around for 'moral support'..
WHAT HORRIFIC GARBAGE
I MUST NOT TRULY HAVE JESUS IN MY HEART YET or i would continue the abominable, shameful, disgraceful way i am now living 'for' Him.)
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