DO NOT SET YOUR HEARTS ON THE GODLESS WORLD OR ANYTHING IN IT. ANYONE WHO LOVES THE WORLD IS A STRANGER TO THE FATHER'S LOVE. EVERYTHING THE WORLD AFFORDS, ALL THAT PANDERS TO THE APPETITES OR ENTICES THE EYES, ALL THE GLAMOUR OF ITS LIFE, SPRINGS NOT FROM THE FATHER BUT FROM THE GODLESS WORLD. AND THAT WORLD IS PASSING AWAY WITH ALL ITS ALLUREMENTS, BUT HE WHO DOES GOD'S WILL STANDS FOREVERMORE.
it has been slowly taking shape in my soul but this morning i came to conscious level of realization as it were.. or seemed to be. i have gotten back into the habit of reading the sports pages every day and sports illustrated every week over the past year or so. during the same time another habit, build upon the desire to catch up with the latest in sports on kyw, the local radio news station, of listening to, to use the word loosely..the news (the newest, latest happenings...or is it what has most lately been decided that the common man's attention be focused on?). it is coming into slowly sharpening focus that these, along with the habit of watching basketball on my sister's television (i sanctimoniously have carried my own set to a local 'goods for the poor' store...at yet the Idol has insinuated itself into my life from another geographical location!) are tiny little technological lemmings or lilliputians which are slyly 'capturing' me, my mind, my life. they, i sense, along with possibly other similarly sly, innocuous 'creatures' will take on a life and power of their own and will not be content until they are completely 'guiding' me, dominating and deciding how and for what i will live, occupying my every moment, my every thought. probably not...but i have this sneaking suspicion, this, probably, totally irrational thought.
i am coming to a growing awareness that HABITS, no matter how small and innocuous they may seem, may have tremendous power. they may have the same power to mold and decide who i am or will be on the inside as what, for want of a better word, SOCIAL MORES (societal expectations, if you will) have to mold me on the outside.
i am aware of a slight, spiritual gurgling, choking sound echoing from deep within. it's probably just my imagination, but i sense that it may be important for me to:
1. take up a serious cry to God to help me be totally (TOTALLY?! the very word rips and tears my screaming Flesh, my SELF! will not endure such indignity!!) deny myself of these, and
2. set about taking these little imposing, self-important tyrants by the scruff of their slimy little necks and rip them out of my life. (oh, but the thot comes, 'be careful! do this gradually, ever so gradually. exercise moderation. you don't want to go off the deep end'...the second, follows closely, 'you will never be able to do it. don't even try'.
but then the thot comes, when Jesus talks about the little inner habit of looking at women in order to lust for them does He talk of gradualism or hint of impossibility...or does He clearly recommend an awful, bloody, self-masochism (pleasure gained through pain) when He says,
'if your right eye is your undoing, TEAR IT OUT AND FLING IT AWAY; it is better for you to lose one part of your body than for the whole of it to be thrown into hell. and if your right hand is your undoing, CUT IT OFF AND FLING IT AWAY; it is better for you to lose one part of your body than for the whole of it to go to hell' matthew 5.29-30
YEA BUT...my whole flesh rises up in total rebellion and strong resistance to this word comes unbidden. yea but that was for a real sin, even though unseen. but this, these little things,(that are gradually taking over my life and shaping how i think and determining how i spend my seconds) they are so harmless and innocent. there is nothing wrong with them, surely.
...anyway i have noticed in the papers and on the air how much time is spent on things that my baser self craves and encourages me to spend time on what is, in effect, a Zero, when it comes to eternity. it progressively encourages me to keep investing in myself and laying nothing up with which i can meet God...which could very really result in the fact that he would not be able to say to me, 'well DONE (every second this world occupies nothing is DONE, inwardly or outwardly, for God) good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of thy Lord'.
oh help me to bloody up my life, appearing here as a freak of worse, so that i may spend my seconds DOING for You.
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