my perspective today is very different from what it was in 2010. at that time i was thinking that i would soon be busily involved in ministry for God. i was thinking that i would no longer be painting but devoting every moment to God and to the people to whom He wanted me to minister to. what actually has happened is something akin to being snatched off the street, bound and gagged, tortured with blows, rods and abuse of various kinds and left weak and starving..left for dead in the inky, stinking, horrid blackness. i am alone and filled with all kinds of increasing pain..dazed and not quite knowing what to do, having no one to go to, left for dead, alone. well not totally alone there is a light of sorts in my innermost being. there is a tender, caring, loving presence. in the midst of my darkness, pain, bombed out life Jesus, precious Jesus is still here.
this morning i looked at psalm 88. spending some time i labeled it variously, 'do you feel that God has abandoned you?', affliction, old age, the earthly lot of Jesus the messiah
the only shaft of light is the first line,
oh Lord, THE GOD OF MY SALVATION, and then continues speaking in
THE PAST THE PRESENT THE FUTURE COMMANDS & QUESTIONS
I HAVE CRIED OUT day and night before Thee
LET my prayer COME BEFORE Thee
INCLINE Thine ear unto my cry
for my soul IS FULL OF TROUBLES
and my life DRAWETH NIGH unto the grave
I AM COUNTED WITH them that go down to the pit
I AM AS a man that hath no strength.
(I AM) FREE* among the dead
(I AM) LIKE the slain that lie in the grave (whom Thou rememberest no more)
(they are cut off from Thy hand)
THOU HAST LAID ME in the lowest pit
in darkness
in the deeps.
THY WRATH LIETH HARD UPON me, and
THOU HAST AFFLICTED ME with all Thy waves selah.
THOU HAST PUT AWAY mine acquaintance far from me
THOU HAST MADE ME AN ABOMINATION unto them
I AM SHUT UP and
I CANNOT COME FORTH
MINE EYE MOURNETH by reason of affliction
Lord, I HAVE CALLED daily upon Thee
I HAVE STRETCHED OUT my hands unto Thee
wilt Thou SHEW WONDERS to the dead?
shall the dead ARISE and PRAISE Thee? SELAH
shall Thy lovingkindness BE DECLARED in the grave?
or Thy faithfulness in destruction?
shall Thy wonders BE KNOWN in the dark?
and Thy righteousness in the land of forgetfulness?
but unto Thee HAVE I CRIED, o Lord
and in the morning SHALL my prayer PREVENT Thee
Lord, why CASTETH Thou OFF my soul?
why HIDEST Thou Thy face from me?
I AM AFFLICTED and READY TO DIE from my youth up
while i suffer Thy terrors I AM DISTRACTED.
Thy fierce wrath GOETH OVER me
Thy terrors* HAVE CUT ME OFF.
they CAME ROUND ABOUT me daily like water
they COMPASSED me ABOUT together
lover and friend HAST Thou PUT far from me
and mine aquaintance (HAST Thou PUT) into darkness
summary-
in the PAST
I HAVE
CRIED OUT day and night before Thee
CALLED daily upon Thee
CRIED unto Thee oh Lord
THOU HAST
LAID ME in the lowest pit
darkness
the deeps
AFFLICTED ME with all Thy waves. selah.
PUT AWAY MINE ACQUAINTANCE far from me
MADE ME AN ABOMINATION unto them
CUT ME OFF with Thy terrors
Thy terrors CAME ROUND ABOUT ME daily like water
Thy terrors COMPASSED ME ABOUT together
PUT LOVER AND FRIEND FAR FROM ME
PUT MY ACQUAINTANCE IN DARKNESS
in the PRESENT
MY SOUL IS FULL OF TROUBLES
MY LIFE DRAWETH NIGH UNTO THE GRAVE
I AM COUNTED WITH them that go down to the pit
I AM AS a man that hath no strength
I AM FREE among the dead
I AM LIKE the slain that lie in the grave
I AM SHUT UP and
I CANNOT COME FORTH
MINE EYE MOURNETH by reason of affliction
I AM AFFLICTED AND READY TO DIE from my youth up
while i suffer Thy terrors I AM DISTRACTED
Thy fierce wrath GOETH OVER ME
so THE WRITER and (if, as a prophet he is speaking of Jesus Christ during His future time here on earth)
JESUS CHRIST and
I , the reader, insofar as what is written matches my situation matches what is written,
are PRAYing:
LET my prayer COME BEFORE Thee
INCLINE thine ear unto my cry
we humans keep praying that God hears. hopefully, we do this not because we truly believe He hasn't heard. if Jeremiah 33.3 is true (CALL TO ME, AND I WILL ANSWER YOU) we know one thing - God always answers prayer in the manner of 'yes', 'no' and 'not now(yet)..is that true or not? but here the writer has prayed in the past and he keeps praying! (Jesus..'ask..seek..knock') why? it comes to mind that it is good for me to have the type of relationship with God where there is an constant, confident, 'tell all' type of interaction...it is good to behold His beauty and to inquire in His temple..isn't prayer more about 'coming to become like Him' rather than an exercise in 'getting what we want'?..that takes time with Him, seeing Him in His word through the operation of the Spirit, sensing what delights Him, asking Him to show us what He wants and resting in His will (ie. whatever is happening...whatever His will is for whatever is to come)..coming to have only one overarching desire-Your will be done Lord, on earth as it is in heaven..it is good when my faith is failing, has failed..to continue to cling to Him in prayer..
the condition, the circumstances are pretty grim. after the opening flash of LIGHT AND HOPE ('oh Lord God of my salvation') this psalm is unremittingly dark to the very last word. but what more light does anyone need, no matter how dark it is, to know the Lord as savior. here my savior has
1. laid me low in the pit, in deeps (a metaphorical way of saying i am near death..drawing nigh to the grave?)
2. laid me in darkness (another word for #1 or referring to mental, spiritual or other types of darkness?)
3. afflicted me (with all His waves..the last referring to repeated afflictions of a certain type or of the same type?
4. moved lover, friend and acquaintance away (totally cut off from other people?)
5. made me an abomination, at least to my acquaintances (lover and friend too!?)
6. sent terrors which cut me off, come round about me, compass me (Jesus on the cross, what about me?)
7. ..they cause me to be distracted
8. sent His fierce wrath which 'goeth over' me
as a result
1. my soul is full of troubles
2. i am counted with those who go down to the pit
3. i have no strength
4. i am free among the dead
5. i am like the slain that lie in the grave
6. i am shut up
7. i cannot come forth
8. my eye mourneth because of my affliction
9. i am afflicted
10. i am ready to die
the only one who perfectly matches this is Jesus Christ facing and experiencing crucifixion on the cross. no matter what i face i will never face what He faced and i have the same savior He had.
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