from bainton's bio..of luther it is said, 'the content of the depressions was always the same, the loss of faith that God is good and that He is good to ME. after the frightful anfechtung (akin to spiritually-based angst) of 1527 l wrote, 'for more than a week i was close to the gates of death and hell. i trembled in all my members. Christ was wholly lost. i was shaken by desperation and blasphemy of God'. his agony in the later years was all the more intense because he was a physician of souls; and if the medicine which he had prescribed for himself and for them was actually poison, how frightful was his responsibility. the great problem for him was not to know where his depressions came from, but to know how to overcome them. in the course of repeated utterances on the subject he worked out a technique for himself and for his parishioners.
the first comfort which he offered was the reflection that intense upheavals of the spirit are necessary for valid solutions of genuine religious problems. the emotional reactions may be unduly acute, for the devil always turns a louse into a camel. nevertheless the way of man with God cannot be tranquil.
'if i live longer, i would like to write a book about anfechtungen, for without them no man can understand scripture, faith, the fear or the love of God. he does not know the meaning of hope who was never subject to tempations. david must have been plagued by a very fearful devil. he could not have had such profound insights if he had not experienced great assaults.
l verged on saying that an excessive emotional sensitivity is a mode of revelation. those who are predisposed to fall into despondency as well as to rise into ecstasy may be able to view reality from an angle different from that of ordinary folk. yet it is a true angle; and when the problem or the religious object has been once so viewed, others less sensitive will be able to look from a new vantage point and testify that the insight is valid.
l felt that his depressions were necessary. at the same time they were dreadful and by all means and in every way to be avoided and overcome. his whole life was a struggle against them, a fight for faith. this is the point at which he interests us so acutely, for we too are cast down and we too would know how to assuage our despondency. l had 2 methods: the one was a head on attack, the other an approach by way of indirection. sometimes he would engage in direct encounter with the devil. this particular ..may amuse the modern reader and incline him not to take l seriously; but it is noteworthy that what the devil says to l is only what one says to oneself in moments of introspection, and, what is still more significant, only the minor difficulties were referred to the devil. in all the major encounters, God Himself was the assailant. the devil was something of a relief. l relished, by comparison, the personification of his enemy in the form of a being whom he could bait without danger of blasphemy. he describes with gusto some of these bouts"
'when i go to bed, the devil is always waiting for me. when he begins to plague me, i give him this answer; 'devil, i must sleep. that's God's command, 'work by day. sleep by night' so go away.' if that doesn't work and he brings out a catalog of sins, i say, 'yes..i know all about it. and i know some more you have overlooked. here are a few extra. put them down'. if he still won't quit and presses me hard and accuses me as a sinner, i scorn him and say, 'St. satan, pray for me. of course you have never done anything wrong in your life. you alone are holy. go to God and get grace for yourself. if you want to get me all straightened out, i say, 'physician, heal thyself'.'
sometimes l had the temerity to undertake also the greater encounter with God Himself. 'i dispute much with god with great impatience and i hold him to his promises'. the canaanite woman was a source of unending wonder and comfort to l because she had the audacity to argue with Christ. when she asked him to come and cure her daughter, he answered that he was not sent but to the lost sheep of the house of israel and that it was not meet to take the children's bread and give it to the dogs. she did not dispute his judgment. she agreed that she was a dog. she asked no more than that which befits a dog, to lick up the crumbs which fall from the children's table. she took Christ as his own words. he then treated her not as a dog but as a child of israel.
'all this is written for our comfort that we should see how deeply God hides his face and how we must not go by our feeling but only by his word. all Christ's answers sounded like no, but He did not men no. He had not said that she was a dog. He had not said no. yet all His answers were more like no than yes. this shows how our heart feels in despondency. it sees nothing but a plain no. therefore it must turn to the deep hidden yes under the no and hold with a firm faith to God's word'.
at times, however, l advised against any attempt to wrestle one's way through.
'don't argue with the devil. he has had 5,000 years of experience. he has tried out all his tricks on adam, abraham and david and he knows exactly the weak spots'. and he is persistent. if he does not get you down with the first assault, he will commence a siege of attrition until you give in form sheer exhaustion.
better banish the whole subject.
seek company and discuss some irrelevant matter as, for example, what is going on in venice.
shun solitude. 'eve got into trouble when she walked in the garden alone. i have had my worst temptations when i am by myself'.
seek out some christian brother, some wise counselor.
undergird yourself with the fellowship of the church.
then, too, seek convivial company, feminine company, dine, dance, joke, and sing.
make yourself eat and drink even though food may be very distasteful. fasting is the very worst expedient.
once l gave three rules for dispelling despondency;
1. faith in Christ
2. get downright angry
3. the love of a woman..home life was a comfort and a diversion. so also was the presence of his wife when the devil assaulted him in the night watches. 'then i turn to my katie and say, 'forbid me to have such temptations and recall me from such vain vexations'.
the devil hates it because he cannot endure gaiety.
manual labor was a relief. a good way to exorcise the devil is to harness the horse and spread manure on the fields.
in all this advice to flee the fray l was in a way prescribing faith as a cure for the lack of faith. to give up the argument is of itself an act of faith akin to the gelassenheit of the mystics, an expression of confidence in the restorative power of God, who operates in the subconscious while man occupies himself with extraneous things.
if l was disturbed about the state of the world and the state of the Church, he could gain reassurance only through the recognition that as a matter of plain fact the situation was not bad.
at other times the depression was with regard to himself. one recalls his oscillation of feeling at the wartburg as to whether he had been brash or craven. the answer in his own case could never be that he had any claim on God, and then the question forever recurred whether God would then be gracious. when one is assailed by this doubt, where shall one turn? l would say that one never knows where, but always somewhere. to inquire after the starting point of l's theology is futile. it begins where it can. Christ Himself appears variable, sometimes as a good shepherd and sometimes as the avenging judge. if then Christ appeared hostile, l would turn to God and would recall the first commandment, 'I am the Lord thy God'....he would say, 'let go everything in which i have trusted. Lord, Thou alone givest help and comfort. Thou hast said that Thou wouldst help me. i believe Thy word. o my God and Lord, i have heard from Thee a joyful and comforting word. i hold to it. i know Thou wilt not lie to me. no matter how Thou mayest appear, Thou wilt keep what Thou hast promised, that and nothing else'.
on the other hand, if God hides Himself in the storm clouds which brood over the brow of sinai, then gather about the manger..or again, if Christ and God alike are unapproachable, then look upon the firmament of the heavens and marvel at the work of God ,who sustains them without pillars. or take the meanest flower and see in the smallest petal the handiwork of God.
but above all else..the record of the revelation of God in Christ. 'the true christian pilgrimage is not to rome or compostela, but to the prophets, the psalms and the gospels'. ..he was completely lost unless he could find something without on which to lay hold. and this he found in the scriptures...he saw God in the midst of the despondencies of the biblical characters..
'abraham was told by God that he must sacrifice the son of his old age by a miracle, the seed through whom he was to become the father of kings and of a great nation. a turned pale. not only would he lose his son, but God appeared to be a liar. He had said, 'in isaac shall be thy seed', but now He said, 'kill i'. who would not hate a God so cruel and contradictory? how a longed to talk it over with someone! could he not tell sarah? but he well knew that if he mentioned it to anyone he would be dissuaded and prevented from carrying out the behest. the spot designated for the sacrifice, mount moriah, was some distance away; 'and a rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and did not leave the saddling of the ass to others. he himself laid on the beast the wood for the burnt offering. he was thinking all the time that these logs would consume his son, his hope of seed. with these very sticks that he was picking up the boy would be burned. in such a terrible case should he not take time to think it over? could he not tell sarah? with what inner tears he suffered! he girt the ass and was so absorbed he scarcely knew what he was doing.
he took 2 servants and i his son. in that moment everything died in him; sarah, his family, his home, i. this is what it is to sit in sackcloth and ashes. if he had known that this was only a trial, he would not have been tried. such is the nature of our trials that while they last we cannot see the end. 'then on the third day a lifted up his eyes and saw the place afar off'. what a battle he had endured in those three days! there a left the servants and the ass, and he laid the wood upon i and himself took the torch and the sacrificial knife. all the time he was thinking, 'i, if you knew, if your mother knew that you are to be sacrificed '. 'and they went both of them together'. the whole world does not know what here took place. the 2 walked together. who? the father and the dearest son - the one not knowing what was in store but ready to obey, the other certain that he must leave his son in ashes. then said i, 'my father'. and he said, 'yes my son'. and i said, 'father, here is the fire and here the wood, but where is the lamb?' he called his father and was solicitous lest he had overlooked something and a said, 'God will Himself provide a lamb, my son.
when they were come to the mount, a built the altar and laid on the wood, and then he was forced to tell i. the boy was stupefied. he must have protested, 'have you forgotten: i am the son of sarah by a miracle in her old age, that i was promised and that through me you are to be the father of a great nation?' and a must have answered that God would fulfill his promise even out of ashes. then a bound him and laid him upon the wood. the father raised his knife. the boy bared his throat. if God had slept an instant, the lad would have been dead. i could not have watched. i am not able in my thoughts to follow. the lad was as a sheep for the slaughter. never in history was there such obedience, save only in Christ. but God was watching and all the angels. the father raised his knife; the boy did not wince (note: really!?). the angel cried, 'a, a!' see how divine majesty is at hand in the hour of death. we say, 'in the midst of life we die'. God answers, 'nay, in the midst of death we live'.
l once read this story for family devotions. when he had finished, katie said, 'i do not believe it. God could not have treated His son like that'. 'but katie,' answered l, 'he did'.
hear l also as he describes the passion of Christ...Jesus went to His death in full possession of His faculties. He suffered even more than did the malefactors. a robber was simply crucified, not at the same time reviled. to Christ were spoken words of raillery, 'if you are the son of God, come down'. as if to say, 'God is just. He would not suffer an innocent man to die upon a cross'. Christ at this point was simply a man, and it was for Him as it is is for me when the devil comes and says, 'you are mine'. after the reviling of Chris, the sun was darkened and the earth trembled. if a troubled conscience shudders at the rustling of a wind-blown leaf, who much more terrible must it have been when the sun was blotted out and the earth was shaken. Christ was driven to a cry of desperation. the words are recorded : Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? 'my God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?' but note this, the prayer of the forsaken began, 'my God'. the cry of despair was a confession of faith.
what wonder then that l, in the year of his deepest depression, composed these lines;
a mighty bulwark is our God
a doughty ward and weapon.
He helps us clear from every rod
by which we now are smitten.
still our ancient foe
girds him to strike a blow.
might and guile his gear.
His armor striketh fear.
on earth is not his equal.
by our own strength is nothing won.
we court at once disaster.
there fights for us the Champion
Whom God has named our Master.
would you know His name?
Jesus Christ the same
Lord Sabaoth is He.
no other God can be.
the field is His to hold it.
and though the fiends on every hand
were threatening to devour us,
we would not waver from our stand.
they cannot overpower us.
this world's prince may rave.
however he behave,
he can do no ill.
God's truth abideth still.
one little word shall fell him.
that word they never can dismay.
however much they batter,
for God Himself is in the fray
and nothing else can matter.
then let them take our life,
goods, honor, children, wife.
we will let all go.
they shall not conquer so,
for God will win the battle.
note: thank You Lord for helping me to know other human beings who have struggled in this life with a great desire that You alone would be ENOUGH...but never reached that here. I john 3.2!
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