went to a church called something like keystone community fellowship down on stump rd. near rt. 309 below the mall in montgomeryville this am. had been praying about where i should go this week. then yesterday a brother named carlos, who i this past year met on a job site, called to see how dearborn went. he said he was going to be at church early to pray during the first service and then attend the second. i decided to go. we had a good time of prayer and then second service. this is a church with a real evangelistic vision and has grown tremendously in the last little bit. like the dove that noah sent out to see if there was a firm foundation i found no place for the sole of my spiritual foot to rest there...and so, upon leaving this am's meeting, hied back to my Refuge. i am asking God to make it very evident when and where i am to rest my soul with His gathered people. it is a hot, dry and thirsty land through which i travel. Lord help me! show me the way...
tuesday through friday i was able to work full days indoors...the first indoor job since january. thank You Lord for providing this work that cannot be put off or interrupted by rain. i now have crossed into the beginning of may as far as 20 hr per week average. thank You Lord for Your provision.
have stuggled a good bit this week with lechery and gluttony. Lord, send Your salvation to me. i am desperately sick and desperately tired of the spiritual aridity of my besetting sins. keep me back from presumptuous sin, let it not have dominion over me then shall i be upright and i shall be innocent from the great transgression. oh would You bend this crooked, bent-away-from-You soul so that You are finally ENOUGH and i am most highly pleased to please You.
thank You Lord for silas. thank You for the heart You are giving me for him. thank You for the healing You are effecting through him. thank You for being able to celebrate the year of life You have given him. Lord, please help this healing to extend to our children and to susan. i often puzzle about where exactly You would have my heart be toward them and can but seek to lean heavily on You to show me how they can each, best, experience Your love through me...i am needy and broken Lord. show me the way til i sense You have completely made me whole and i am enabled to love each one and relate to each one in a way that is pleasing in Your sight.
thank You for putting in the heart to strive after Your heart for me...to do the 7 daily duties You have given..to run 3 times a week...to intercede for the 13 men You have given (oh Lord help me to fight for my own heart...THAT IT WOULD BE TOTALLY YOURS AND AT YOUR DISPOSAL...then fight for my family, neighbors, Your church, fathers (oh Lord may every man around the world who fathers a child take full responsiblity for the child he has fathered and care for the woman who has borne their child. may You put it into the heart of all men to only consummate with the one woman You have for them to marry and then be faithful to that woman and to lead their homes and train up their children...may they be steadfast in this responsibility before You even if it all hits the fan..all blows up...all falls apart...my they remain, if necessary, all alone and yet steadfast to be and to teach what is right to their fractured family...to desplay You holiness and lovingkindness day by day), leaders of all areas including governmental leaders, then fight for these 13 men. oh God help me in the tremendous spiritually-oriented tidal pull that relentlessly seeks to erode these ESSENTIALS out of my life. may You make my spirit solid granite in the midst of all kinds of opposition to these ESSENTIALS. may this be where i live and die...in this unseen spiritual world...else i can do absolutely nothing in this world..in this life..of any value to You.
this week while painting i had a situation tangentially related to satan taking Jesus up to the pinnacle of the temple. i know that i have never, to date, received total healing from the concussion occurring in the bike accident for i always veer, against my will (!), in various situations. i have learned that this can occur and try to compensate for it but it will occasionally catch me unawares. so far i have had a couple of close calls but have not suffered any harm other than falls that brought no injury. as i balanced one morning on the top rung of the 7-8' inverted v-shaped gorilla ladder below me to paint across the apex crease of a vautled living room ceiling i suddenly realized that i was in great danger. i had done the first coat, carefully, the day before with no real trouble. i was aware of the concreted pad below which had been de-rugged but with some patience it was accomplished ok. but this time it was totally different. i first became aware of the fact that i was really struggling with balance due to the accident-created predilection to veer...in this case off the top of the ladder! for some reason it was quite heighted over the preceding day. that perception may have been due to a number of strong thots coming into my mind, with some variations, along the line of, 'they're going to find your body splattered all over the concrete floor long after your dead!". i would have mocked the thots but sensed a real and present danger of some sort, a palpable evil present. i began to call on the Lord repeatedly to help me, to enable me, to protect me. it was so strong that once on the top rung i had to keep my eyes focused steadfastly on a spot on the floor below, slowly raise the hand with the paint brush until i established contact with the ceiling, then, after establishing a sense of balance, slowly lower the hand, dip the brush in the paint (all without looking down) and raise the brush and paint. as you can imagine it was a slow process but as i kept crying out to the Lord the malevolent thots began to disperse and the sense of balance once again increased. a painted ceiling now shines the Lord's victory.
that was the most apparent of the number of spiritually related incidents this week many of which left me wasted and deflected...most likely dearborn backwash from the wicked spirit. may You do a mighty work..may You prepare many precious hearts to be made good soil and bear much good fruit for You. thank You for sending me this morning words about one who was wasted yet not deflected. make me to have this same grace Lord. he said to the elders at ephesus, 'ye know, from the first day that i came into asia, after what manner i have been withyou at all seasons, serving the Lord with all humility of mind and with many tears and temptations which befell me by the lying in wait of the jews and who i kep back nothing that was profitable unto you, but have shown you and have taught you publicly and from house to house testifying..repentance toward God and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ. and now, behold, i go bound in the spirit unto jerusalem, not knowing the things that shall befall me there..save that the Holy Ghost witnesseth in every city, saying that bonds and afflictions abide me. but none of these things move me, neither count i my life dear unto myself, so that i might finish my course with joy..' Lord with my little troubles harden me to steel to be able to pass through whatever You may have for me. Lord, i desire that You make of me a man to stand in the gap and make up the hedge before You so that You will not destroy our land...You who called frightened, hiding gideon 'thou mighty man of valour' and opened the ass' mouth to warn the prophet take me and make of me someone who will accomplish feats that men may know that You alone are God over all the earth.
hope you guys have a good week. love, dad
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