i'm on a mission...it feels like something that is more God-done than me-done. i feel like a fully unfurled sail before a mighty wind. there's many aspects to this, more than could be shared but the part i'm thinking about right now is the mission to do what i ought rather than what i want. this i saw mom live day in and day out. it was kind of like observing a creature from a different world...a world vaguely comprehensible mentally but experientially non-existent. my whole life has been following the muse, butterflying to the next scent, following fully the moment...all that flowery language for doing, as much as possible, what i want! well, God may have other plans. He seems to have me following strange, very strange paths, in an alien world...the world of personal responsibility. lately i am urged strongly to constantly do things i don't want to do. all the old siren songs waft in vain, all the strong passions...are they TOTALLY CASTRATED! i'm not sure. given my track record, next week could find me neck in neck with the next guy following the 'eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow i die' dictum...we'll see.
was praying about going to a 'wild at heart' 3 day conference in the poconos with jim yothers down the block in april. sensed i should be going primarily to have an opportunity to minister in jim's life (i don't know if that is really why God wants me there, maybe there's something else..too). no $..what to do..wouldn't you know it..within several days i had not one but two jobs when i had one bathroom in the last two months...well, in this topsy turvey world in which i now live i have 1 minute and 2 seconds left on the computer...who knows how long it will be till i can talk with you age.....hey, unexpectedly i'm back in touch within 5 minutes! the library was crawling with people so i was 'giving it up' but looked over in an less noticed spot and what should i see...so now i'm happy as a clam to have 56 more minutes to communicate all this stuff you really are dying to find out...i am such a selfish person, this is all for me!....(by the way when you see anywhere from.. to................................................................................ that means either the brain is wandering or i'm thinking about what to say next, or i'm just a little spacey at that point) anyway so i'm going to a place where at last i'll feel truly at home...a gathering of cave men. we men are the warriors of the world..on the inside much weaker than the weakest woman, much more a crybaby...but outside ready for bloody WAR! so should be good...maybe they teach jujitsu moves during the break sessions.
censorship, it seems, may have come to suburban philadelphia. the souderton independent, actually montgomery newspapers, limited me to one 300 word letter per month and then the first one i gave them, on abortion, they have refused to print. have been too busy to call and inquire as to why not. it's sad. freedom of speech was a cool concept while it lasted in the USA (union of socialist associations)...oh hadn't you heard! yea they changed that some time back. this last week they had this tiny piece on global warming from a person in flourtown, 15 miles south. sigh..
on the bright side, God has given me back my mother. she is pani (sp?) anna, a tiny, babushka- wearing little russian mother of iryna one of our missionaries to the ukraine. the Lord put it on my heart to ask her if she would be willing to darn the hole in my warm, wool sweater and the big hole that the washing machine 'ate' in the last mitten that my mom gave me (i didn't know you couldn't put a mitten in a washing machine). she not only did an awesome job darning the both but gave me a two pairs of wool socks and a pair of wool mittens to boot!!! my feet are no longer like two chunks of ice and i can endure the icy, late evening runs quite nicely. actually last night, frigid as usual, my hands SWEAT and i had to hand her mittens up to dry...she is my mother in that she has the same, sweat, tearful affection that i have not seen since my mom was still in her right mind...WOW... i've got to introduce them when we all get there. GOD IS GOOD! He so tenderly and without fanfare meets my needs and overflows beyond when all i deserve is hell. oh jehovah-tzidkenu (the Lord my righteousness) how i praise You.
i may be crazy, but i just bought about 20 different heirloom organic seeds from a place in missouri called heirloom seed acres or something like that. also dropped $70 on a drip irrigation system..had been thinking of this for a while and then saw it..and prayed..and took the plunge. and bought a little book about how to start seeds inside...all this expense at a time when, to my professed thought, the only place for any self-respecting person is prison..sigh..i am just a bundle of contradictions, a work (of God) in process. i may never get to sow them but then again maybe i will.
got 26 minutes to share my am devotional focus from today. was thinking about alot i can't share, pouring out my heart to the Lord to show me if i am blind, to keep the focus on all my sins and crying for wisdom about what to do in a certain thing and i'll share a bit of what came out on paper: oh Lord MAKE ME AN ANSWER (in some small way) TO THIS PRAYER/VISION of Your church-give Your church
a SHEPHERD-WATCHMAN-BARKING DOG-EQUIPPER-DISCIPLER of males
one who follows jethro's advice and not a one man show
fill us with ACCEPTANCE of each other and every person in the world, caring, loving, drawing each OTHER to our heart
help us all be interrelated members of one BODY, don't let no one usurp Your headship!
make us learners of You so we are constantly DISCIPLING others
make us FATHERS trainers of our children
MOTHERS managing their homes to be a godly, outreaching economy
CHILDREN honoring, obeying, serving their parents
a BODY where body life occurs with all sharing spiritual struggles, victories, defeats with one another
all EVANGELISTS preaching the good news of the Gospel to all we touch!
TRUTH-SPEAKERS, loving one another and the world enough to challenge sin and warn..
PROPHETS all overflowing with God's word wherever we are rather than a single talking head with all other mouths silenced
SALT AND LIGHT out of the inward-looking 'church program' which ghettoizes and keeps us sealed off from the world so desperately in need of God's love
WIDOWS functioning as described in the pastoral epistle
OLDER people teaching YOUNGER people
hilarious, profuse GIVING of self, time, resources rather than caught in the greed of the TAKERS
GOD OVER GOVERNMENT in everything..non-acceptance of ANYTHING from government
a PRAYING, CROSS-BEARING, HOLY, LOVING, TRUTH-SPEAKING, GRATEFUL, EVANGELIZING, DISCIPLING, GIVING, TRUSTING-IN -CHRIST'S-RIGHTEOUSNESS- ALONE, VICTORIOUS CHURCH!
love, dad
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment