sometime during 2008 it occurred to me that there has been something different about me spiritually for the past six years. i have experienced a type of relationship with God unlike any other time in my life. people used to talk about having a relationship with God and i would have agreed that the same was true for me...but now i'm not sure. maybe its more ongoing, more continual, more intense. or maybe i just thought i had a relationship before when i didn't. one thing is sure. i used to look at others like the pharisee in the temple thanking God he was not like other men and reciting his good works as evidence. now i'm much more like the despised tax-collector who sat beside him praying for God's mercy. i used to think that once one was saved he was supercharged in such a way that he, on a practical level, did not need God. now i experience a deep need of Him most every moment. whereas Jesus used to be a distant savior who had forgiven me and given me eternal life and left me on my own, now He is a precious, constant companion as well.
when i was a child i prayed that Jesus-would-come-into-my-heart-and-be-my-savior. i'm not sure. did it ever 'take'? i finally came to see myself as a sinner and become concerned about this when i was 20. there was a crisis of some sort and for the first time the Bible became understandable and, more than that, it seemed as though God was speaking directly to me through it. i always dated my 'salvation' from this time and maybe that's when it happened...but now this tremendous difference from any period before has come. for the first time He is real!
my spiritual roots being in the wesleyan methodist denomination for a long time i believed i could lose my salvation. then one time, during what i will call my pharisee period, i read a two volume biography of George Whitefield, the english evangelist influencial during the great awakening in the 18th century. he believed that man did not choose God but God man. when i closed the second volume i did also. to see a man who believed this and yet had such an undying passion for the souls of men was amazing to behold. i had struggled with romans 9..' it does not depend on the man who wills but on God who has mercy... He has mercy on whom He desires and He hardens who He desires..what if God, although willing to demonstrate His wrath and to make His power known, endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction? He did so in order that He might make known the riches of His glory upon vessels of mercy which He prepared beforehand for glory...(9.16,18,22-3), no more did i doubt or argue. He evidently changed me imperceptibly as i read. i no longer sit in judgment on Him...why don't You and why do You, etc...i'm amazed that He would forgive and bless eternally anyone and so grateful that He has me.
this past year i have been meditatively reading through 'the spiritual man' by watchman nee and believe God has changed me a bit by this book. there also was a little pamphlet written by j.i. packer, an introduction to 'the death of death in the death of Christ' written by john owen (1684). they both speak deeply to me concerning what i have and continue to experience in Christ. i share them as two, among a multitude of, great blessings God has given in 08.
'God wishes no one to "perish but that all should reach repentance" because He 'desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth' II pet. 3.9; I tim. 2.4 no problem arises concerning whom God wants to save or whom He will let perish. the problem before us is, rather, what is the sinner's attitude towards God's will? if he decides to be a christian because he is naturally inclined towards 'religion', naturally contemptuous of the world or naturally influenced by his heredity, environment or family, he is as far from God and His life as are other sinners. if (he) chooses to be a christian at the moment of excitement or enthusiasm, he may not fare better than the rest. it all reduces itself to this: what is his attitude towards God's will? God loves him, but will he accept this love? Christ calls him, but will he come? the Holy Spirit wants to give him life, but is he willing to be born? his will is useful only in choosing God's will...if man himself commences the search for salvation, he is yet perishing..but if man, upon hearing the gospel, is willing to accept what God offers to him, he shall be saved. in the one case, man originates; in the other he receives. the one does the willing himself while the other accepts God's will.
now j.i. packer..."to the question: what must i do to be saved? the old gospel replies: believe on the Lord Jesus Christ.
to the further question: what does it mean to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ? its reply is: it means knowing oneself to be a sinner, and Christ to have died for sinners; abandoning all self-righteousness and self-confidence, and casting oneself wholly upon Him for pardon and peace; and exchanging one's natural enmity and rebellion against God for a spirit of grateful submission to the will of Christ through the renewing of one's heart by the Holy Ghost.
and to the further question still: how am i to go about believing on Christ and repenting, if i have no natural ability to do these things? it answers: look to Christ, speak to Christ, cry to Christ, just as you are; confess your sin, your impenitence, your unbelief, and cast yourself on His mercy; ask Him to give you a new heart, working in you true repentance and firm faith; ask Him to take away your evil heart of unbelief and to write His law within you, that you may never henceforth stray from Him. turn to Him and trust Him as best you can, and pray for grace to turn and trust more thoroughly; use the means of grace expectantly, looking to Christ to draw near to you as you seek to draw near to Him; watch, pray, read and hear God's Word, worship and commune with God's people, and so continue till you know in yourself beyond doubt that you are indeed a changed being, a penitent believer, and the new heart which you desired has been put within you."
i pinch myself. i can't believe the great God of the Bible has forgiven all my innumerable sins. i can't wait to be with Him forever. i'm so greatful He doesn't cast such a one away. what about you? has He saved you or are you heading unknowingly for hell? i don't care how 'good' or 'bad' you think you are. remember, He will only be Lord of all or not at all. He wants to save you but His will must be yours. it's your call. if you will give Him complete control of your life, call. He promises, whoever will call upon the name of the Lord will be saved.
if you don't know how, pray this old hymn. ' open my eyes that i may see, glimpses of truth Thou hast for me, place in my hand the wonderful key, that shall unclasp and set me free.. open my ears and let me hear, voices of truth Thou sendest clear, and while the wave-notes fall on my ear, everything false will disappear.. silently now i wait for Thee, ready my God, Thy will to see, open my (ears, eyes, heart), illumine me, Spirit divine!
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