6.21.2012 I WANNA DIE!

quite frankly i wish i were not here on earth. that is one of a myriad of indicators that my SELF nature is very alive and doing well. Jesus Christ, who i pronounce as my Lord and savior, clearly says to me, LET NOT YOUR HEART BE TROUBLED; BELIEVE IN GOD; BELIEVE ALSO IN ME. but my old wicked nature cannot take it and i am inclined to agree with myself rather than to submit to Jesus' word. so forsaking the fountain of living waters i continue, vainly, to hew out my broken cisterns than can hold no water and leave me cracked and dry. when i am not running to substitutes for Him and drugging myself into insensibility just to get through the next period of time...i find it intolerable to live as one of the mass of human beings who find it possible to live, and even 'be happy' in the midst of a holocaust centered in my home nation (and by infecting countless peoples around the world with our horrendous wicked example and even encouragement)...a holocaust (lit. whole burnt offering) now more than 9 times the magnitude of the little one in nazi germany between 1939-45..they murdered 6 million jews, we have, so far, murdered 55+ million babies and, due to our wicked influence, over 1.25 billion have been reported since 1960.)  the baby holocaust is constantly brought up as 'wicked', 'horrible', something we should never allow to be repeated...while at the same time half of our population FIGHTS to make sure that women keep having 'choice', 'health care', the right to murder their own offspring...why? choice...not wanting to take responsibility for what they have done. they willingly went to bed. they are not some helpless group of preyed upon innocents. yet they are not only allowed, they are supported and surrounded with the force of 'law' to have this right to murder another human being. why are men not given the right to murder born children up to 2 years of age in the name of choice? then both genders both made the decision to get into bed. both should have the choice to avoid responsibity for their actions?

this is HOLOCAUST CUBED! nazi victims had some ability to escape but these are ALL, NOT ONLY 1. DEFENSELESS, THEY ARE 2.VOICELESS AND 3. INNOCENT...unlike the jews in nazi europe.

but i have to keep living here. there is no 'get out of jail' card. why? because i am just as evil as the murderers as...so i get stuck here with them. God would be absolutely just if He sent every single man, woman, boy and girl to hell for the human heart, every one... including mine, is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. who can know it.  i get very enraged by the sins of the next guy but my own i suckle, cuddle and cherish...as heinous as they be...

look at the portrait of man...every one of us.
there is none righteous
not even one
there is none who understands
there is none who seeks for God
all have turned aside
together they have become useless
there is none who does good
there is not even one
(now he focuses on my mouth)
their throat is an OPEN GRAVE  (i kill other human beings with my mouth...and do so for all to see...thinking myself fully justified to murder them for what they have said, done, looked like(!) etc.)

with their tongues they keep DECEIVING (i am a congenital liar. lying tints, clings to or wholly characterizes my speech)

the POISON of asps is under their lips (behind soft smiles and smooth words poison (murder) lurks if you cross me or if i'm having a bad day or whatever i legitimize as the reason for your just demise)
the litany continues...

whose mouth is full of CURSING and BITTERNESS
their feet are SWIFT TO SHED BLOOD
DESTRUCTION and MISERY are in their paths
and the path of peace have they not known

now the reason for all this
THERE IS NO FEAR OF GOD BEFORE THEIR EYES

every man is a murderer at heart...

if i have to stay here...living with myself...living with all murderers around me...who one...and all find it so easy to live in the midst of ongoing infant genocide...would You put a FEAR OF YOU in my heart?! I WANNA DIE TO MYSELF, LORD!...if not, take me out of here now.