the bible says in I john 3.9, 'NO ONE who is born of God practices sin...' are you practicing, excusing, coddling some darling sin? is there any sin, no matter how small, you can't stop doing? anything God commands you find it impossible to do? if the answer is yes to any of these how is this affecting you. are you finding it easier to push it aside, to deal with it another day that never comes. is your heart becoming cold to God. do you have an open steady flow between you and God and the one who clearly demonstrates fear of and obedience to God? guard your heart. if you have given up even contending and wrestling with God over things He and His word are speaking to you about ... watch out!
right now God is troubling me about this because of what seems to be a growing amount of repetitive sin in my life and a growing readiness to give in to what i know is wrong. for my whole 'christian' life, my constant default during such a time has been to go back to trying to keep the law myself and the more I try, the more a mess i become. so in this time of great weakness, darkness and confusion spiritually, i find myself crying out continually in various ways, 'Lord, HELP ME!'
i have been actively praying for a time now that the Lord would reveal to me my true self and He has been answering! (that might be part of the reason for my current state, i don't know! but i am wickeder by far than i ever remember being!! the awareness of who i am apart from the grace of Christ seems to grow)
that's good in that it is more difficult to look down my nose at others. it's good because it tends to drive me away from looking for the answers in myself. i have no answers anymore. i am seeing more clearly that obedience is impossible for me. i used to say,the bible says x, ok i will do x. now i see that as impossible apart from denying myself, taking up my cross every day and following Him..impossible apart from looking totally away from myself, looking constantly to Him, calling constantly for help, strength, pardon, renewal. in spite of all the ways i see God changing me, sin seems very unconquerable right now. one lie, temptation, trial after another comes raining down.
i have recently re-noticed, reawakened with concern, verses like-
luke 13.24 - STRIVE TO ENTER by the narrow door; FOR MANY, i tell you, WILL SEEK TO ENTER AND WILL NOT BE ABLE. ...and i ask myself how much are you striving to do what God commands?
luke 16.16 - the Law and the Prophets were proclaimed until john; since then the gospel of THE KINGDOM OF GOD is preached, and EVERYONE IS FORCING HIS WAY INTO IT. cf.
matthew 11.12 - and from the days of john the baptist until now THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN SUFFERS VIOLENCE AND VIOLENT MEN TAKE IT BY FORCE.
the dictionary says of strive -
exert oneself vigorously
make strenuous efforts toward any goal
contend
struggle vigorously
the core idea in the second and third verses is ENERGY!
RIGHT NOW...i am not striving... i have no energy! many times i walk around, to myself, on the inside, like one already dead. by faith i keep trying, in prayer, to look away from myself to Him who, if i have Life, is my Life...and my only hope. may God rescue me.
He seems to keep sending my little hieroglyphics in the darkness. one, a biography, 'john bunyan' by frank mott harrison from which i would like to share. it has encouraged me. i trust it will you too if you are currently struggling in this way.
'..all bunyan's attempts at self-reformation led only to one result - hopeless failure. he had certainly gained knowledge, and he was able to talk on religious subjects; but he had not put on humility and become like a little child; nor had he learned that 'of such is the kingdom of heaven'.
...and 'upon a day, the good providence of god did cast me to bedford, to work on my calling (as a tinker); and in one of the streets of that town, i came where there were three or four poor women sitting at a door in the sun, and talking about the things of god'.
with eye and ear alert he 'drew near to hear what they said'. not curiosity alone prompted him to do so: he had another motive, 'for i was now a brisk talker also myself in the matters of religion'.
but his head drooped and his hear fell as he listened to the women. 'i heard, but i understood not', he acknowledges with a humility he had not previously known; 'for they were far above, out of my reach'.
hitherto, he had only measured himself by himself...and now he discovered the insignificance of his own religious life.
the women were talking of a New Birth, 'the work of God in their hearts..and how THEY WERE CONVINCED OF THEIR OWN MISERABLE STATE BY NATURE'. they talked, too, of GOD VISITING 'THEIR SOULS WITH HIS LOVE IN THE LORD JESUS'. they told also of WORDS AND PROMISES, WHICH HAD REFRESHED, COMFORTED, AND SUPPORTED them 'AGAINST THE TEMPTATIONS OF THE DEVIL'.
..his prayer was heard and he was delivered from the temptation. then he saw the silver lining behind the darksome cloud and it brought back the 'STATE OF HAPPINESS' of the poor people of bedford to whose conversation he had listened - 'in a dream of vision'.
'i saw as if they were set on the sunny side of some high mountain, there refreshing themselves with the pleasant beams of the sun, while i was shivering and shrinking in the cold, afflicted with frost, snow, and dark clouds. methought, also, betwixt me and them, i saw a wall my soul did greatly desire to pass; concluding, that, if i could, i would go even into the very midst of them and there also comfort myself with the heat of their sun'.
he goes on to tell how he sought 'some way or passage' to enter therein. at last he found a gap and a way, 'strait and narrow'; but all efforts to get in were in vain. 'WITH GREAT STRIVING' he got in first his head, then his shoulders and eventually his whole body. 'THEN WAS I EXCEEDING GLAD', and he sat down with them and enjoyed the light and heat of their sun.
to him the mountain was 'the Church of the living God; the sun, the comfortable shining of God's merciful face; the wall, the Word which separates christians and the world; and the gap - Jesus Christ, who is the way to God the Father'. but THE PASSAGE WAS 'WONDERFUL NARROW' and which ONLY THOSE IN 'DOWNRIGHT EARNEST' MIGHT ENTER, left only room for body and soul, and NOT body, soul and SIN.
thus, feeling 'forlorn and sad, b had 'a vehement hunger and desire' to be one of those who 'did sit in the sunshine'. SO HE PRAYED, 'whether at home or abroad, in house or field, O LORD CONSIDER MY DISTRESS'!
(quote from a book that helped b's pastor to come to Christ)...consider that to dye, is but to be done once and if we erre in that one action, we are undone everlastingly. and therefore have thine end ever in thine eie...that thou maist looke upon thy last bed, to be full sorely terribly assaulted by the king of feare...by the fearfull sight of all thy former sinnes...and the very powder-plot of the prince of hell...what manner of man oughtest thou to be then in the meane time, in all holy care, fore-cast and casting about to give up thine account with comfort at that dreadful hour? be so farre from deferring repentance in this day of visitation, and putting off till that time...consider that thou must presently passe to an impartiall, strict, the highest and last Tribunall, which can never be appealed from or repeal'd...for every thought of thine heart, every word of thy mouth, every glance of thine eye, every moment of thy time...let us then, whilst it is called to-day, call ourselves to account, examine, search and try thorowly our hearts, lives, and callings, our thoughts, words and deeds...consider the privation of God's glorious presence and eternall separation from those everlasting joyes...o then, HAVING YET A PRICE IN THINE HAND, to get wisdome to go to heaven, LAY IT OUT WITH ALL HOLY EAGERNESS while it is called to-day, for the spirituall and eternall good of thy soule...
(joining the church at bedford)...b who was not even yet sure of his salvation, would often visit mr. gifford (his pastor). he liked to hear gifford 'confer with others about the dealings of God with their souls'. the deeper the conviction he received, the further he felt himself from the goal he had set out to reach. 'foolish vanity' seemed to take the place of soul-longing after God.
those to whom b confided his misgivings, vainly sought to comfort him with God's promises. his very heart seemed closed 'against the Lord and against His holy word'. yet his conscience was tender; so tender indeed that he 'durst not take a tin or a stick', lest it should seem to resemble thieving. even the words he spoke caused him to fear, lest he 'should misplace them'. but he realized that though he was such a great sinner, yet God had not charged him with the guilt of sins of ignorance. he saw that 'righteousness was nowhere to be found, but in the person of Jesus Christ'. it was 'original and inward pollution' that plagued and afflicted him, and he feared lest sin and corruption should bubble out of his heart as water from a fountain.
older people around him, who were seeking treasures upon earth, 'as if they should live heere always', and those who professed faith and were yet much cast down and distressed over 'outward losses', perplexed him.
but amidst all this problematic inquiry going on within his heart and mind, jb had firmly grasped the eternal truth - that only the blood of Christ can remove the guilt of sin to him was so real and terrible, that he even felt envious of the sinless brute creation, as he reviewed the fallen state of sinful man, and considered that beasts and birds and fishes 'were not obnoxious to the wrath of God'.
from jb's 'holy war, 'now, as deabolus was busy and industrious in preparing to make his assault upon the town of mansoul without, so the captains and soldiers in the corporation were as busy in preparing within..but diabolus answered, do you hope, do you wait, do you look for help and deliverance? you have sent to Emmanuel, but your wickedness sticks too close in your skirts, to let innocent prayers come out of your lips. think you that you shall be prevailers and prosper in this design? you will fail in your attempts; for it is not only i, but your Emmanuel is against you: yea, it is He that hath sent me against you to subdue you. for what then, do you hope? or by what means will you escape?'
...'seated in the high-backed pew at st. john's one sabbath day, jb, his thoughts still stubbornly fixed upon his 'inner' self, with the other faithful few who formed john gifford's flock listened to a servant of God as he expounded a verse from the song of songs; 'behold thou are fair, my love; behold thou art fair'.
the preacher dwelt upon the two words, 'my Love' and, making them 'his chief subject-matter', he drew 'these several conclusions:
1. that the Church, and so every saved soul, is Christ's love, when loveless.'
2. Christ's love without a cause
3. Christ's love when hated of the world.
4. Christ's love when under temptation and under desertion.
5. Christ's love from first to last'
but the arguments put forward brought jb no consolation. not until the preacher began to apply his teaching was the young man's ear caught and his heart captured. it was the application of the fourth conclusion that fitted the case of the bewildered convert. this is what the preacher said; 'if it be so, that the saved soul is Christ's love under temptation, and the hidings of god's face, yet think on these two words, "MY LOVE", still.
the two words, "MY LOVE' returned again and again as jb returnee to elstow, and as he asked himself the question - what shall i get by thinking on these two words? -the answer, which kindled his spirit, came quickly and surely: 'thou art My love! thou art My love!' and repeated itself '20 times together' and each time 'waxed stronger and warmer. the words began to make me look up..
however, he was in the balance 'between hope and fear', and he once more questioned in his own heart - 'but is it true, but is it true?'
'at last i began to give place to the word, which, with power, did over and over make this joyful sound within my soul, "thou art my love and nothing shall separate thee from My love"...surely i will not forget this 40 years hence'.
...but, alas! within a month he 'had lost much of the life and savour' of the new-born joy and he realized that the tempter was again shadowing his path.
jb's overwrought system was sensitive to every impulse. the least suspicion of sound affected him, and he though voices were calling after him.
at length 'a very great storm came down upon me, 20 times worse than all i had met with before'. and it came stealthily too. the tempter used subtle means to attack his victim's mind. doubts as to the Fact of God and Christ, and the Truth of the scriptures, were amongst the temptations.
jb again fell into the slough of despond; he was in the grip of giant despair. he found it even hard to shed a tear of repentance - albeit he did deplore his apparent hardness of heart.
for long, weary months satan held sway over jb's mind; so much so that attendance upon the ordinances of god was performed perfunctorily.
it became irksome to read the bible, and prayer was well nigh impossible. 'and the tempter laboured to distract me and confound me'....diabolus was determined to recapture mansoul!
pressed beyond measure but not confounded, jb could not find himself fit to die; and yet could not but believe that 'to live long would make me feel more unfit'! so he CONTINUED to cry to the Lord and the Lord heard him; 'in which days that was a good word to me after i had suffered these things a while - i am persuaded that neither height, nor depth, nor life...shall separate us from the love of god, which is in Christ Jesus'.
the testings he had endured were not without their support to his spiritual life. one day when jb was sitting in a neighbor's house, sad at heart, and bemoaning his unjust thoughts of god's love, 'that word came (note- this biographer reports in another place that jb literally wore out his bible seeking to find God's word to him in each difficulty and question. do you? do i?) suddenly upon me, "what shall we then say to these things? if God be for us, who can be against us?"; and, too, the words, "because I live, ye shall live also', were, though short-lived, 'very sweet when present'. but they vanished all too soon out of his poor, troubled mind and seemed to him 'like peter's sheet, of a sudden caught up to heaven again'.
on another occasion jb was travelling into the country, and musing on his own unworthiness, when these words came into his mind -"He hath made peace through the blood of His cross'". he gripped their true meaning. that was a good day for me'..
at another time, by his own fireside, with bible in hand and reflecting upon his wretchedness, the Lord made precious to him the words - "forasmuch, then, as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, He also Himself likewise took part of the same; that through death He might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil and deliver them who, through fear of death, were all their lifetime subject to bondage" - a truth from which he gained comfort, 'solid joy and peace'.
like his pilgrim Christian, jb had climbed the Hill difficulty, had seen the lions' fierce eyes and heard their angry roar; but at last he found himself within the chamber called 'peace', from which he could delight his mind with a sight of the Delectable Mountains.
jb, as he sat under the ministry of 'holy' mr. gifford, benefited from his teaching. mg was not the man to lead his people into a false peace by unsound doctrine. he bade them not to take the opinion of man, but to seek by earnest prayer the illumination of god's Holy Spirit upon His word. 'because, mg would say, if you have done otherwise, you will find that, when you are strongly tempted, the strength to resist which you expected to find within you, is lacking'.
such exhortations gave encouragement to jb, who, from the weary years of experience, had at last discovered the truth of the words - "no man can say that Jesus Christ is Lord but by the Holy Spirit'. he realized also the difference between carnal notions and genuine revelations of God; between feigned faith, according to the wisdom of man, and 'the faith which comes through a man being born thereto of God'. thus was jb led on 'from truth to truth by God'. 'truly, the great God was very good to me', jb exclaims joyfully.
however, doubts sometimes assail him still; doubts which, in a normal mind might pass as quickly as they enter; with him they needed something more by way of settlement. but good came of them, for, as he says, 'I WAS DRIVEN TO A MORE NARROW SEARCH OF THE SCRIPTURES'.
a timely volume ('so old that it was ready to fll piece from piece, if i did but turn it over'), martin luther's 'commentary on the galatians' (note: in our times of spiritual distress we can spend time with God in His word but with men and women who have walked with God through time, even though we know of no such in the flesh), was sent to him, as he believed, by God. it brought him comfort. 'i was pleased much that such an old book had fallen into my hand'. its contentsmet his need. with the exception of his bible, the luther commentary was to him preferable 'before all the books that ever i have seen, as most fit for a wounded conscience'.
the dread of having committed 'the unpardonable sin' led jb one day to 'break his mind' to 'an ancient christian. i told him all my case. i was afraid i had sinned the sin against the Holy Spirit'. his aged friend, with more candour than discretion, replied, 'i think so too'. jb sorrowfully remarks, 'i had but cold comfort'. this helped to contribute to his distressed condition. but, although still retaining a sincere regard for his companion, he turned from man to God.
yet, strange to say, comfort fled from his grasp, even when he read the Word of God. 'the most free and full and gracious words of the gospel were the greatest torment to me.' he was tempted to believe that Christ did, indeed, pity his case, but could not speak the word of forgiveness, not because His merits were weak of His grace run out, but because His faithfulness to His threatenings would not let Him extend his mercy to sucha sinner as jb. 'these things may seem ridiculous to others, even as ridiculous as they were in themselves, but to me they were most tormenting cogitations'. it was long before the word TOOK HOLD UPON HIM: "the blood of Jesus Christ, God's Son, cleanse thus from all sin". (note-oh Lord God, do Thou to me also this blessedness without end!)
...he did not..easily escape the meshes the adversary had set and a long period of testing followed, in which he compared his own life with that of innumerable bible characters and in so doing he found himself to be 'the least of all saints'; so much so, that he doubted whether he were a saint at all.
'thus, by the strange and unusual assaults of the tempter, was my soul, like a broken vessel, driven as with the winds...i was as those that jostle against the rocks; more broken, scattered and rent'.
one day jb walked to a neighboring town and having seated himself on 'a settle in the street', he 'fell into a very deep pause'. in a sombre reverie he lifted his head; but the sun itself seemed to grudge him its light. the very stones in the streets and tiles upon the houses appeared to set themselves in array against him. but to the cry from the bitterness of his soul, there echoed out of the darkness - "I have loved thee with an everlasting love".
three days later at evening he sought the Lord in prayer: 'O Lord, i beseech Thee, show me that Thou hast loved me with everlasting love'!
'now i went to bed at quiet; also when i awaked the next morning, it was freshupon my soul, and - I BELIEVED IT!
'but before many weeks were over, i began to despond again' (note - WOE is me and everyone of a melancholy bent!); AND 'THE SCRIPTURE CAME INTO MY HEART. "THIS IS FOR MANY DAYS". THEN 'THOUGHT I, MANY DAYS ARE NOT FOREVER; MANY DAYS WILL HAVE AN END'. (note - HALLELUJAH!)
during this period, 'i remember i was again much under the question, whether the blood of Christ was sufficient to save my soul'. the doubt began in the morning and lasted 'till about seven or eight at night'. then 'these words did sound suddenly within my heart, HE IS ABLE'.
at the end here i append other parts of the jb bio i find a help in some way spiritually
ah my dear angry Lord,
since Thou dost love, yet strike;
cast down, yet help afford;
sure i will do the like.
i will complain, yet praise;
i will bewail, approve;
and all my sour-sweet days
i will lament and love. george herbert
'i was made to see that if i would suffer rightly i must first pass a sentence of death upon everything which can properly be called a thing of this life, even to reckon myself, my wife, my children, my health, my enjoyments, and ALL, as dead to me and myself as dead to them.
and, second, to live upon God that is invisible.'
...'christian men should be living men. take heed of being painted fire, wherein there is no warmth; and painted flowers, which retain no fragrance; and painted trees whereon is no fruit'..
jb ever preached what he 'did smartingly feel'..
'i have often thought that the best of christians are found in the worst times; and i have thought again, that ONE REASON WE ARE NOT BETTER IS, BECAUSE GOD PURGES US NO MORE: noah and job, who so holy as they in the time of their afflictions! and yet, who so idle as they in the time of their prosperity?'
'we are but dust and ashes, Thou the great God, the Lather of our Lord Jesus Christ! we are vile sinners, Thou art a holy God! we are as poor crawling worms! Thou art the Omnipotent Creator!....may our hearts be without words, O Lord, rather than our words be without heart. for we know, O God, that prayer doth make us cease from sin; and we know, too, that sin entices us from prayer! give us therefore the true spirit of prayer which is more precious than thousands of gold and silver'.
jb writes, 'why is a broken heart put in the room of all sacrifices which we can offer to God? a broken heart, a contrite spirit, God will not despise. He will certainly slight and reject, if, when thou comest to him, a broken heart be wanting: wherefore, here is the point, come broken, come contrite, come sensible of and sorry for thy sins, or they coming will be counted no coming to God aright; and if so, consequently thou wilt get no benefit thereby'.
titles that jb wrote found in this bio -
the doctrine of grace and law unfolded
some gospel truths unfolded
a discourse touching prayer
profitable meditations
the holy city
resurrection from the dead
a confession of faith and reason of my practice
a defense of the doctrine of justification
differences in judgment about water-baptism no bar to communion
pilgrim's progress (1674)
the strait gate
the life and death of mr. badman
the holy war
a caution to stir up a watch against sin
questions about the nature and the perpetuity of the seventh-day sabbath
a discourse upon the pharisee and the publican
the work of Jesus Christ as an advocate
a discourse of the building, nature, excellency and government of the house of God
the water of life
solomon's temple spiritualiz'd
the acceptable sacrifice
the greatness of the soul
the heavenly footman
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment