1.20.1012 JIM ELLIOTT'S JOURNAL

1.13.1950 how well has bunyan's interpreter spoken: 'things present and our fleshly appetite are such near neighbors one to another; and things to come and carnal sense are such strangers to one another. therefore it is that the first of these so suddenly fall into amity and that distance is so continued between the second'. how unlike God i am. when He stretches forth His hand in mercy and forebearing love, i point an accusing legal finger at the sinner He would bless. and when He judges righteously and slaughters his enemies in stern justice, i whimper for softness. as Israel did not utterly drive out the inhabitants of the land when they were strong, so i am weak to carry through to the letter God's mandates...

1.16 deserted all morning. much time on my knees but no fervency or any desire for prayer. no heed or hearkening in study of the word either. what good is greek, commentaries, insight, gifts, and all the rest if there is no heart for Christ? oh, what slackness i feel in me now. wasted half a day. no school because of snow. good thing. i had nothing to say to the kids anyhow.

1.24 james 3.6 and the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body and setteth on fire THE COURSE OF NATURE; and it is set on fire of hell. ...pondering what the TROKON TAS GENESEOS of james 3.6 can mean. obviously, it is something bad as he condemns the tongue for igniting it. it may be those springs of inner response unleashed by a careless word, either said or heard. that natural cycle (geneseos) having this meaning in james 1.23 (natural face) which is not to be provoked without some evil issue. how often i have sat 'thinking, ' i betook myself to linking fancy unto fancy' (as poe's raven) over some word uttered which gyrated downward and landed me in vile-thought acts. if this be so and the world of iniquity in my tongue so potent, how important that it be kept, as a watch set at one's lips. i have considered that this whole passage (3.1-12) refers specifically to public preaching, that communication of teachers which is so formative to a listener. as one has said, 'the sins of teachers be the teachers of sins'.

2.3 difficulty getting anything from the word at all. no fervency in prayer. disturbance in the house, cold weather and occasional headaches have made spiritual things less precious this whole week. i find i must drive myself to study, following the 'ought' of conscience to gain anything at all from the word - lacking any desire at all sometimes. it is important to learn respect and obedience to the 'inner must' if godliness is to be a state of soul with me. i may no longer depend on pleasant impulses to bring me before the Lord. i must rather respond to principles i know to be right, whether i feel them to be enjoyable or not.

2.4 i do not understand why i have never seen in america what missionaries write of - that sense of swords being drawn, the smell of war with demon powers. corresponding is the unity among christians, forced by the onslaught of a very real foe. satan is not real, though we talk much of belief in a 'personal devil'. as a result, our warfare takes on this sham fight with shadows, a cold war of weary words. there is no sense of shouting, rather of yawning. laughter long ago stifled sobs in our assemblings together. woe, woe, woe unto us for we have not submitted to sacrifice. we have not guessed the power of the calling to which God has called - its power to ruin and to revise, its strength to slay. service's 'law of the yukon' has some words -utterly out of context - yet secularly applicable to the life to which i think God is calling:

send not your foolish and feeble
send me your strong and your sane
strong for the red-rage of battle
sane for i harry them sore
send me men girt for the combat
men who are grit to the core
swift as the panther in triumph
fierce as the bear in defeat
sired of a bulldog parent
steeled in the furnace of heat..
and i wait for the men who will win me-
and i will not be won in a day
and i will not be won by weaklings
subtle and suave and mild
but by men with the hearts of vikings
and the simple faith of a child
desperate, strong and resistless
unthrottled by fear of defeat
them will i guild with my treasure
them will i glut with my meat

teach me to count the cost, o God, most expensively won!

2.11 i see tonight that in spiritual work, if nowhere else, the character of the worker decides the quality of the work. shelley and byron may be moral free-lancers and still write good poetry. wagner may be lecherous as a man and still produce fine music, but it cannot be so in any work for God. paul could refer to his own character and manner of living for proof of what he was saying to the thessalonians. 9 times over in the first epistle he says, 'you know', referring to the thessalonians' firsthand observation of paul's private as well as public life. paul went to thessalonica and lived a life that more than illustrated what he preached; it went beyond illustration to convincing proof. no wonder so much work in the Kingdom today be shoddy; look at the moral character of the worker. in I corinthians paul has to ask several times, 'know ye not?' as though they had not rightly apprehended his meaning. in I john, it is 'we know', where the knowledge is based on firsthand individual experience. in revelation, Christ speaks saying, ' I know'. oh, happy state when hearer and speaker may prove each other true...