from today's blog...listen to this description of the Lord!
the Lord which MADE THE HEAVEN AND THE EARTH, the sea and all that therein is
which KEEPETH TRUTH FOREVER
which EXECUTETH JUDGMENT FOR THE OPPRESSED
which GIVETH FOOD TO THE HUNGRY
the Lord LOOSETH THE PRISONER
the Lord OPENETH THE EYES OF THE BLIND
the Lord RAISETH THEM THAT ARE BOWED DOWN
the Lord LOVETH THE RIGHTEOUS
the Lord PRESERVETH THE STRANGERS
He RELIEVETH THE FATHERLESS AND THE WIDOW
BUT
the way of the wicked HE TURNETH UPSIDE DOWN
the Lord shall reign forever..Praise ye the Lord! psalm 146.6-10
boy, is He ever a busy worker! oh Lord help me work with You not against..
today i had thots of the Lord's workings in my life over the last decade or so which may be termed HAMMER BLOWS BY THE HAND OF A LOVER.
it has by far been the most tumultuous decade of my entire life, but boy!!!! has it ever been good. i have suffered more, again, in that decade than probably my whole life before! but He has put a golden, glorious lining to every cloud as He is shaping me into His image.
HAMMERBLOW #1 - my wife's lawyer serves divorce papers 1.3.2000 to generally mark the one year anniversary of my crushing our family television in landis market's trash compactor late on new year's eve 1998. this was an initial 'statement' that i was reclaiming leadership of our family and household. (this is not necessarily recommended as a 'to do in loving leadership of the christian home' but my own sinful way of groping toward god.
HAMMERBLOW #2 - divorce becomes final in, i believe, march 2001
HAMMERBLOW #3 - december 2001 i purchase my first rental property in allentown and become a bigshot LANDLORD.
HAMMERBLOW #4 - january 2002 am miraculously 'released from my marriage' in pastor neiderhaus' office which unleashed: looked at from one angle, what immediately ensued with gusto was a period of off the charts sexual desire, temptation on about the level of when i hit 13 and the hormones kicked in. now one dead sexually for many year was definitely ALIVE. i don't think it publicly edifying to outline (who in words could describe the whole magical mystery tour in less than millions of words!) this strain of life but suffice it to say that it took divine intervention to keep me from asking out a young lady of 18 years old with whom i worked and with whom i had 'fallen absolutely in love with within a several month time frame from the aforementioned miraculous inner change'! ..oh, by the way, i turned 50 in may..
looked at from another it was God's crucible which He has unbelievably used to heal me of serious sexual dysfunction that had its roots in the 13-22 year old portion of my life and has seen me come to the point where the eyes and the mind are, by and large, healed of woman lust and now i continually am crying to God to give me an absolute pure heart toward every woman, looking at her as His daughter or His precious creation. He has also worked the miracle of setting me apart for my wife, who has remarried, to 'be there' for her if she should ever have need too great to bear alone.
HAMMERBLOW #5 - february 2003 realization of my sin in allentown and the desperate financial trouble that is about to swallow me up. i don't know the ways of the Lord. they are truly mysterious to me. i had been trying to 'get saved' from the time i can remember anything. i didn't try to get saved in this millenium though. it was not until after it probably happened that it began to dawn on me, a dawning that has spread a precious warmth over my whole life..and it keeps getting better every day! i don't know how exactly He did it...but i think He plucked this self-righteous pharisee out of the miry clay and set my foot upon the rock Christ Jesus during this last decade. all the other times it was possibly nothing but religion. the religious labor under the delusion that it is they who are seeking God...and i was a seeker.
but it dawned, as i said, about 2003 when i was getting a royal Fatherly beating in allentown for taking all the tithe $ i had stolen over the years (being a very high critic of how wickedly they spend their $!) and buying 4 properties in allentown. i had a better plan than God..i would get a living from the rents and seek first the kingdom of God!!
the light dawned one day when He led me to malachi 3.8-11 with the words, 'will a man rob God? yet you are robbing Me!..bring the whole tithe into the storehouse , so that there may be food in My house..then i will rebuke the DEVOURER for you, so that it may not destroy..' on that blessed word the light shown so gently into the deep, black pit of wickedness that is my soul. all MY properties were living nightmares which in several months time had drained thousands of dollars. not much more of this would have seen me lose everything. at that moment God wrought a deep change of heart and mind and i told Him i would bring 10% of what i got that week and put it in the offering plate ($8.50 went in) and that i would pay back all i had stolen...and...and...and... He wrought repentance in me. within a year He helped me in a miraculous way. (vs. 10...'test Me now in this..if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows'.) in 5 and a half months He miraculously sold all 4 'wrecks' that the devourer had been destroying. in a year and a half i paid the last of over $98k of debt i was in on the day He wrought repentance. and that was just the beginning of overflowing blessings that continue unabated to this day...in the midst of intensifying spiritual warfare and difficulties of all kinds. i must testify that, in accordance with His blessed word, every bit is a blessed part of 'the good fight of faith' which, by His grace i hope to battle to the last breath here.
but i get lost!!!! i am ahead of the point, which is, that His spirit gently brought the teeny tiny thought into my mind that this was the first time i ever remembered being spanked by Him. this was in the midst of sinking beneath the angry allentown waves before seeing the malachi beacon shown into my heart. in the midst of extreme agony, fear, horror a little gentle warmth was in that thought. i puzzled over it. tried to think of former spankings. mused about it generally from time to time...but in a very curious way it wrought a tiny warmth in a corner of my soul...could it be..it was almost on an unconscious level, almost like a living breath..not even a whisper..was it......love. in a weird way in all the chaos..i can't describe the very tiny but very real shadowy reality that was forming in the very pit of my sin..did God love me.
now i, like the pharisees, had learned a lot about God, but always had somewhat of an almost unconscious doubt..did i actually know Him..was He a real, live acquaintance? i never was 100% sure. but as i mused on the spanking=love concept..and THEN i was flattened by the precision and power of the malachi word and then..THE TRANSFORMATIVE POWER OF GOD-WROUGHT OBEDIENCE TO HIS WORD..like a dawning of a new day it came. I ALWAYS KNEW ABOUT GOD BUT NOW I KNOW HIM PERSONALLY. HE IS REAL and, almost more importantly to my lost soul, HE LOVES ME! when i sought Him in my way i was lost and almost destroyed in my sin and disobedience (all the while professing belief in all the doctrines of the Bible!) but WHEN HE DECIDED TO SEEK ME, IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII W AAAAAAAAAAAA S FOUND! all i can say is H A L L E L U J A H !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL PRAISE F O R E V E R HIS PRECIOUS NAME.
i would be willing to have the worst existence in the history of the human race all the way up to 135 years old or whatever, to whenever God would choose to save me and forgive me from all my filthy sickening sin(s) and put His never-ending Life within me. I'M NEVER GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...any way...He is always with me now. before..i only knew about Him...now i, praise His precious name, KNOW Him and moment by moment am a greatful recipient of His everlasting love.
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