well, you'll be glad to know that all the reading snippets recorded on this site earlier this week were lost due to me fiddling around with something and not saving or posting it before time ran out. i thot that when that happened it was automatically saved, since these things are autosaved regularly...in this case, no. so there's less you need to read/delete this week...maybe...maybe i'll revert to my normal stubborn mode and try to type it all out again! no, don't worry! i won't. but it is a way i can share where God has me and what is getting my attention without too much talk about me. this week though is a bit of talk about me.
romans 12.1f says 'do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. i believe it says somewhere in the bible that the our minds are renewed by the Holy Spirit (i believe) thru the bible. the world says POSSESSIONS ARE THE WAY TO GO! in fact, the more we have, the better off we are. Jesus made and owns everything in the universe and yet when He was here He only had the clothes on His back. no home. He left the $ that was given Him with someone He knew to be a thief. He told His disciples to go out in the same manner until they learned firsthand they would always have what they needed if they were doing what He told them to do (unless it was His time to eject them out of here). i want to be transformed. i have little to no faith in this area or i would just sell the house, car and possessions now and start doing what He wants...but, even though far, far short, am inching toward it on various fronts.
one recent example...every year i take baby steps toward the ideal of no insurance. Jesus didn't have any. just reduced homeowners from 127 to $91 a year by increasing to the maximum deductible ($5000) and, by importuning my agent that i did not need $99+k to cover lost possessions, she found it possible to find a way to reduce it from 75% to 40% of the coverage of the house. so now i have only (!) $72k. if i'm still here next year i hopefully will take one or two more whittles.
this world says either believe the fiction that there is nothing after death or attempt to stay here as long as possible. LIFE HERE IS ALL THERE IS most people, from personal observation, seem to adopt the latter. God, with a bit of black humor, has put this nation who fully buy into this, in a democratic dictatorship which is taking steps to cripple this quest. (when you get what someone decides is old or you cease to be productive for society in someone's view..bye bye!) for myself if it comes to the place of being forced to pay for 'health insurance', i'll at that point take my option to move to non-violent, non-cooperation and enter upon my retirement housing in the state pen early.
this, however, may not be necessary for i hope to die and get sprung sooner than later rather than fight for continued life. now i'm a congenital chicken so you may have the sad opportunity of 'watching' me cling to life with a vengeance greater than the average worldling would... we'll see. i have a bump growing on the left side of my neck now that may spring me free! i'm praying over it now. i may take some tentative step to see what it is. i'm not sure. but, personally, i have a great desire to be home.
the world says that it is very important to 1. excel or, at the very least, 2. conform to what others do. my desire is to be a mirror for others to, if possible, see themselves. there seems to be a fear, even a horror of being thot poorly of by others. i like to 'wear out clothes' and do other things that provide a 'mirror' opportunity and also make sure i am only related to by those who truly want to. as far as excelling, my goal is to decel in the eyes of others, to be considered as the scum of the earth. to sum up, i want to be transformed into one who has truly given up seeking the approval of men and only seeks the approval of God.
this world and everything in it is a living lie. the fundamental thot behind this system is DO NOT BELIEVE, THAT IS, OBEY GOD. another way to put this is ANYTHING IS PREFERABLE TO TRUTH, SPOKEN-LIVED. (it's ok, in fact its absolutely great if you become a hearer of the word, but dear pity you if you start doing what you hear!) everything that is in place is geared to a denial of God's truth, His will, His kingdom here. (after all someone else thinks he's in charge just because he's set himself up as god of this world.) the whole system here denies the fact that every living being is totally dependent upon God every moment for their existence. everything, most powerfully most of what we call 'religion', is geared to a dependence on self for meaning and significance (using various 'gods' and idols of various sorts as stooges. the world is mostly populated with 'jews' and 'gentiles'. the former are all about trying to prove to themselves and those around them that they make the grade, that, in fact, they are better than others in the quest to be good. the latter know themselves as those who have not, are not or never will make the grade. both, at heart, truly hate God with His offer of free forgiveness and will not receive it. it's too easy and besides He gets all the credit and you have to do what He wants rather than what you want. unacceptable. it is an offense to the 'truth' that they will make it on their own way and do their own thing come hell or high water. both 'jews' and 'gentiles' in effect worship themselves.
God is fascinating in His plan to intermingle those who are His with all those who refuse His help, the tares mixed with the wheat. one never, truly, knows who he is relating to out there. some of the most nice and holy-seeming are birthed in the innermost reaches of hell, while others who seem 'beyond all hope' are a breath away from being birthed into the miraculous inner transformation who are the children of God. a church, in its local expression, is either a 'church' which is a living parasite...stealing the terminology, etc., etc. of the true church or it is a mixed multitude full of genuine wheat and genuine tares. why do i go on?.... because, no matter how things appear, in or out of the Church/'church'(the first with a few genuine stalks of wheat, both with plenty of tares that try to look like wheat)/'gentiles' ('outsiders')...no matter how beautiful, and good and right a person or thing in this world may appear... the way to test what it really is... is to speak truth to it and expose it to the light, Jesus. Jesus is the only person who ever lived who consistently lived-spoke truth. all the rest of us can do is attempt the closest approximation possible. this is my goal but right now i feel like i am going in the opposite direction.
in this world system MAN IS GOOD and GOD IS EVIL. another way to put this maxim is RELIGION (man seeking 'god') IS GOOD therefore GRACE (God seeks man) IS NOT NECESSARY God says that every person for the entire length of their earthly life,
is not righteous
does not understand
does not seek God
has gone out of the way
together with all the rest, is unprofitable
is not doing good
has a throat like an open sepulchre
has a tongue with which they keep deceiving
has the poison of asps under their tongue
has a mouth that is full of cursing and bitterness
has feet that are swift to shed blood
has destruction and misery are in their paths
has not known the path of peace
has no fear of God before their eyes
do you view yourself the way God views you above? this is not hyperbole or some kind of idle words that mean nothing. this is the one accurate picture of who each of us is. i have met precious few who seem to believe this. the, we'll call them the religious, horrify me. i can understand a person who is blind spiritually, thinking themselves good. they don't have a clue. how can one get mad at a blind person for bumping along doing horrendous things without awareness? it's the ones who say 'I see' that really tork me off. i had a 'brother' the other day who actually seemed to get mad when i asked him how i could pray for him. it may have been a wrong impression, but i got the definite impression that such a one as himself did not need any prayer, that the very thot of it was repugnant! i used to wonder at the command to pray without ceasing. no more. i can't pray enough. the only reason i don't pray more is because i'm such an arrogant sinner actually thinking i can do anything worthwhile without God' help and guidance. certainly, in spirit, i know i am constantly in desperate need of God's ongoing forgiveness and guidance. most times people have nothing they need prayer for!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cannot possibly imagine that. on the very rare occasion where someone asks how they can pray for me (99% of the time it seems like a polite response to my inquiry), i blurt out the one that at that moment is most urgent...or i may chose one they themselves need prayer for (for i do need prayer for everything!)...or i may chose one that maybe God can use to challenge them....and if i ever meet someone who genuinely probes and desires to uphold me in prayer then i have to hold myself back from burying them in requests. i'm like a man dying of spiritual thirst in the desert of my sinfulness before God.
my sister, eileen, and her husband, dick, have very graciously opened their home to me. i not only had the privilege of a wonderful few games of march madness but now that my pro team, the chicago bulls improbably made the nba playoffs i went over to see them play a good game before losing to lebron james and the cavs by 13. (i hope they whip their tails!) the night before i dog sat for the first time for them. their two little dogs had a good time with me.
my instructions were to sleep on the 3rd floor and to keep both dogs with me. so when bedtime came i took them out to do their business, came in and locked us all safely in the bedroom. i think i heard them whispering at the foot of the bed and several wheezes sounding suspiciously like stiffled giggles..but, anyway the idea was that if they barked that was the sign they needed to go out. bed 10:30. 12 midnight, a.j., the elder statesman started. put on my clothes and out we went. come back and disrobe the second time. 1 am, it's buffy. clothes on, out, off. 2 am, aj. clothes, etc. 3..buffy..the routine. the really bad thing was that i, who usually sleep like a rock was never far from consciousness. it was a little kind of torture chamber, that room..4...i could swear she was laughing outright but quickly cleared her thoat and barked once more in an authoritative manner. by this time i am barely navigating getting the clothes on, let alone walking. alright miss smartypants, 3 strikes, you are out..i am putting you in your cage in the basement so i don't have to see or listen to you again. it was vengeful, yes, but as usual i was justifying myself. no sooner did she, having emptied herself yet again, lie esconced in the cage and i, having handled my clothing for the 11th time and lay the..head..down..did..i..hear..a......bark...and aj joined her. i'm not sure when i finally gained consciousness. glad i don't have a dog.
hope you have a good week. love, dad
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