dear mr. pittinger and board members,
i did not send a vote on the increase. 2 reasons: 1) i have very little $ and every .44 counts. i don't know how many giving units you have but if we say about 5000 the vote costs the group about $2200 just in the sending. would it be possible for a system to be set up where vote could be tabulated by email (others would send by mail) limiting it to one vote per email and even putting the vote taken (yes/no) on the next month' prayer letter to each voting unit asking for confirmation by phone if inaccurate/made by another party (?). this could even be expanded to have prorata and other contributions to the ministry to be made automatically by email, thus saving everyone $ over time (a penny saved is a penny earned).
2) i feel that in the last half century or so health care costs have been driven up, in part, by the frantic attempt to avoid the inevitable. i say frantic for any given individual, if allowed would willingly use all the resources they could to save their own life...or such is the general impression given. this is understandable when a person who has no other hope. but our group is different. we all look forward to being with the Lord. death is not a thing we fear but rather welcome. our death is precious in the sight of the Lord for it brings us face to face with the One who loved us and gave His life that we might live with Him forever. if we relate to death no differently than those around us who have no hope, what kind of testimony do we bear? how does the grasping for a few more days in this fallen world magnify not only our trust in God's appointed time for us here, but also the absolute goodness of what awaits us?
one thing i have appreciated about the samaritan ministries approach is that it has a real element of faith. personally, i see the increase of maximum coverage from 100k to 250k as a bit of a movement away from this. is it not possible for us to do the best we can with a finite amount of resources. in francis schaeffer's book on ecology i only found one principle he espoused and that is to limit self. self-limitation in the midst of plenty is hard but i believe moral and right. in the area of eating and sex, lack of self-limitation leads to gluttony and adultery. is this any different? the billions around the world that for the most part live and die with little or no health care...does not God call us, if anything, to share with them rather than take more for ourselves? in other words, we, i believe, are currently in an unreal bubble of time and circumstance that erroneously can lead us to believe in the myth of unending supply FOR OURSELVES. i do not believe this to be reflective of reality (ie. righteousness) but rather a part of what might be called, for want of a better term, the Lie. would it not be possible for us to limit ourselves, trust in the Lord for our physical existence and rejoice in our imminent departure?
before all this medical technology came about how has mankind, both believers and unbelievers, dealt with sickness and death? after some very meagre efforts (judged by today's medical standards), which in the best cases, were heavily weighed AWAY FROM the purely medical TOWARD the quantity and quality of human compassion and caregiving -THE PERSON DIED.
the savour i get from the proposal for increasing the maximum coverage is that of seeking, as believers, to be doing things very similar unbeliever who have nothing to cling to but physical existence. i sense a subtle movement away from an inner transformation (romans 12.1f) into increasing trust in God's time for us here to being more pressed into the mold of worldly thinking - i need to do all i can to stay here as long as i can. i believe this disproportionately increases our importance while decreasing God's.
the president and those who take his ideological approach are desirous of moving americans to a place where, outside those very few who in the future will be able to pay unlimited cash , medical care will look much more slanted toward decreasing trust in medical technology and increasing trust in God! i would say, as is usual with the way God works, the outcome will not please the human agents who unwittingly brought it about! God may be using His servant, human government, to bring people to God. 'trust' in medical means will de facto be replaced by hopelessness and uncertainty, both more conducive to trust in God.
most people, including many believers i know, are not good stewards of the body that God has given them. why? i believe our trust is largely in the magic pill of medical technology. it's 'easier' than to take sole responsibility for one's health. to be honest, do you or i have 1) an absolute trust in God for our physical existence and its extent? are we full of peace and joy no matter what is happening to us physically! i, for one, can answer 'no'. i'm trying to inch forward toward a place of no insurance and full dependence on God. most in our circumstances would say that that is insane. again, that is the way most of humanity, past and present, have lived and died. 2) a habit of regular exercise. the spartans had a maxim to sweat every day! 3) regular sleep that is sufficient to give us the restorative energy we need to live conducive to maximum strength and health each day. 4) a total absence of foods in the diet that are processed and thereby unfit to provide the daily nutrients the body requires for strength and health. i know very few who buy, and fewer still who, organically grow their own supply of food (fruit, vegetable, animal). we all have our excuses. we want to cheat and get away with it. trust in medical technology is the splintering reed we all are leaning on.
i realize that these viewpoints are not common but, nevertheless, they are mine and i thank you for listening. based on them i would encourage consideration of the development of a website that would 1) direct those in the group interested in alternate (to the current ama model) health care sources without necessarily feeling it has to endorse all but rather in the spirit of what is out there, 2) enable the group to interact. that is to have place for comments, opinion, other related info for truly in the MULTITUDE of counsellors there is wisdom. each one who is involved observes caveat emptor and complete personal responsibility for their choices being educated by samaritan ministries toward increasing self-diagnosis and self-care. i am moving in this direction myself. 3) give a growing corpus of information on natural healing techniques, such as you did in your recent excellent article, 'how to use dietary supplements to avoid 10 common surgical procedures', which people can access. i do not propose that samaritan ministries devote a huge amount of time to this but use it more as a gathering and sharing place for self-help medical information. if this would take off the savings over time would possibly be significant. you may find members who would give time and expertise to develop this part of the ministry or, with any savings, pay for such with a joseph-like person exceptionally gifted in this area. you may not have to reinvent the wheel, so to speak, but simply bring together a corpus of all other types of sources into a readily usable format...again, in a continuing, growing and developing way as God would bless and lead.
i would also like to encourage consideration of some type of tiered approach to maximum coverage per incident, each person deciding their max and pay, pro-rated, in accordance with their desire. socialism and christianity are similar in the proposal that all the needs of the individual are covered by the group. their difference is mandated help vs. voluntary help. i guess its very difficult if not impossible to draw the line where the one ends and the other begins and maybe that leaves it with each individual to make the choice, in the case of belonging to samaritan ministries, how long to be a part of the group.
just some thoughts. i appreciate you all very much and thank God for all you have done and are doing to show Him through the commitment to obedience of galatians 6.1 in this way. may He continue to be your guide and joy. sincerely, steve paine
Monday, April 26, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
4.25.10 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!
james 1.2f says, 'my brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. but let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing' yesterday had a temptation/trial...satan rooting for me to dishonor God and God hoping i will show Him thru how i live. yesterday satan 'won'. i say 'won' rather than won because his 'victories' are really not victories but stepping stones to greater victory and honor for the Lord. i was in a work situation with several other individuals where they were demonstrating great ability in various areas such as building, etc. i, by contrast, was demonstrating an almost total lack of ability in the same areas..as is my usual position in regard to these things. while they were installing a floor in great triumph i muddled one ridiculously easy thing after another. first the riding mower i was on went dead. i was sent for gas and to pick up lunch. upon returning and filling the tank i found the mower would not start. jump the battery, of course. i don't know who to jump a battery (as usual, i forgot the spirit that has often helped me of 'i can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me'. so...well, go week wack. blame it all, of course, i can't get the thing started. with someone leaving their post the thing is running. after lunch they jumped the mower. so that's complete. i come in dreading what's next. if only i could shine like, in my own mind i had shown many times before. PRIDING MYSELF in outworking others. but no, the Lord had me in a time of testing, satan in a time of temptation.. the job was to fix up some little place in the existing flooring. i proceeded to take the rest of the afternoon to do it! on top of it all i committed a common sin in not doing a task in the way i am instructed to do it. i had my reasons!! the one who gave me the job gently chided me for taking a lot longer than need be, to which i responded with MY REASONS for not doing as instructed. he said no more. in my pride i wound not go to them AGAIN (oh here comes the idiot, who can't do anything) and further fall in their eyes and my own. pride! from time to time they would be making jocular work-a-day type remarks but i was in no humor for joking and i became increasingly silent and morose...the world's smallest package, someone tied up in themselves. this a.m. God graciously met me and showed me all my sin and more graciously enabled me to see myself and repent. oh blessed, patient Lord He is.
well, today, being sunday went to mision evangelica and there was melted before him and the brethren. have been praying for His love to fill my heart. yesterday there was none. this a.m. was a taste and God sweetly gave me some degree of fellowship with the saints.
i wear this cross, just like wear out each article of clothing. these are several of the many 'badges of spirituality' that cling to me like so much pus. at least this is the impression that is growing upon me. the same thing can be done by different people or be the same person with totally different motivations. the things are not sin or sinless in themselves but rather become either/or based upon the focus. is a thing truly done from the heart for God or for myself. i have the increasing impression that there is a lot of 'me' in things that are ostensibly done for the Lord. another that just comes to mind is the practice of asking people how i can pray for them. when it's of the Lord, no matter how it is received or what happens there is a deep reassurance and peace in the spirit that this is the way in which i am to walk. thank You Lord for the victory each of Your own has in Jesus Christ alone. help me not to be anyway that does not reflect You.
concerning the growing bump on my neck i believe two things were shown me. the string of the cross around my neck never having been washed in some 3-4 years of constant wearing..many times in filthy, dirty situations may be the direct reason for the bump. i took it off and have not worn it for a week or more. the thot to try and dislodge the black 'dot' which headed the bump ought to be removed by proding with a needle and it should be soaked in epsom salts.reading.. i've done this three times so far and the bump has decreased greatly in size and hardness. thank You Lord. ...so i guess i'm not to die from cancer right now.
thank the Lord for it seems He may have brought me out of nearly 4 months without virtually any work into the land of plenty...we'll see. last two weeks about 60 hours have been logged scraping and painting the nearman's (sp?) house gables. this was totally unexpected. last year had given them an estimate but no response so figured it would not happen. then sandy asked if i were currently painting. no. start in. they seem to be pleased and would like the rest of the house exterior and barn to be painted. one problem. as of 4.22.10, by EPA regulations, any pre-1978 house comes under special requirements. first, the painter must take a course on the removal of lead-based paint and obtain a licence costing $500, not to speak of a day of your life. second, the regulations are daunting from a. extensive testing for the presence of lead-based paint, to b. required use of a respirator, which for me makes breathing hot, difficult and painful (due to the way it fits on the head and c. special clothing d. tarping off the entire area to be scraped in plastic (i am currently working on a 40' high brick structure which is probably 50' long. e. special method of collection and disposal of paint chips...resulting in an astronomical increase in the cost of labor. when i discussed this with sandy after learning that 4.22 was the beginning of a new era in painting she was very disappointed. they were very pleased with the way the gables were going and decided that they would like me to paint more. i told her that this was impossible for i was on the tail-end of painting and that the gables would be the last work i would do on pre-1978 structures. she came back again and as a result, seeing that my commute would now be 0 minutes (they live next door) and that the amount of work would fill out most of the hours of this last year of painting, i said i would check into it further. in calling the local paint store i was filled in on all the things mentioned above...then he said, the only exception is that if you have a contract dated pre-4.22 and signed none of the post requirements apply and there is no time limit for completion of the project. this, i sensed, was God. this was 4.20. on 4.21 sandy (john was away) and i signed...
then at the same time i was called by a very good customer who has given me much work over the 4 years i have been in business with a big project to paint. i had thot i would not hear from them again...
this year has been different. in the last few years, i believe, every single person who spoke to me about painting, i painted for them. this year a number of people have contacted me and only one has had me paint. it almost seems like God was testing me, saying, ' is steve going to start conniving, calling people back, etc. or is he going to wait on Me to provide. i can't take any credit. God has somehow kept me from acting on my own...and now i am once again, with joy, receiving His superabundant supply. in fact His supply is so superabundant that i am trying to connive and figure a way to take advantage of all that has come which may easily turn out to far more than the now 44o some hours of painting i have left until i don't paint anymore. i am really struggling with greed on the one side and a horror of moving to the next step where i must totally trust God to provide physical needs without any help on my own. i have emerged, by God's grace, from famine into a time of seemingly abundant harvest. now the test is to let it go and trust God at the end of 2010's hours. i have has thots of paul working day and night as a man sent by God/maker of tents so that he could take no wages from me as well as provide for the band of men who traved with him in apostolic labor. this has occurred several times in the past year as i look to 1.1.2011. i am praying...keep me from not trusting You alone. bring me to a place of total dependence on You as well as labor with You in Your vineyard. yet i am wondering if painting say 100 hours of so a year might not enable me to' tentmake' while seeking first the kingdom. may God help me to do as He would lead.
reading...
truly exceptional -janie b. cheaney, worldmag,4.24.10, p26 ..God ordained three institutions: the family, the state and the church. with the state encroaching onto territory that should belong to the other two, it's right and proper to resist. that tide has been turned before and it can be again. but 'the king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He will'. prov. 21.1...activists, whether looking to thefjuture or the past, put too much faith in the state. isolationists seek refuge within the family. of all God-ordained institutions, the church is often overlooked - and yet, interestingly, the only one that will last. christians hold dual citizenship and the visible church is the diplomatic outpost for our farther country. not always safe and not always trustworthy, by eternal. in our zeal to redeem the culture, we must not neglect what God has already redeemed'..
worldmag, same issue...'president obama said recently that his commitment to passing comprehensive immigration reform is 'unwavering'...
the above is a perfect example of what happens when a nation departs from God. the president, in the constitution, does not pass any legislation nor does he in any way try to use his position to influence the passing of legislation. that is congress' domain. during bush's years it became more and more apparent that he was regularly passing the line between the executive and the legislative branches of government. because he was allowed to do this by congress, more accurately by the people, he became the template for a morphing of the executive branch into a dictatorial power. the legislative branch has lost their mission to make law in keeping with God's law. the executive branch is rapidly taking over legislative function. the judicial branch has left off making sure that law is in keeping with God's law. all three have failed to support the keeping of law, which is in accordance with God's law, is obeyed by the people. this has come about because we, as a people, have abandoned the fear of God and the keeping of His law. our only hope is i...and the next i....and the next i...start to do exactly what God says to do.
p39 has a picture of a number of young men and women at a native missionary training center in china crying out to God. i gazed at this for a long time with great desire to be in their number, sharing with them the burden of Christ...i went back a number of times with the same result. of course precious Christ is the lover of my soul but 1) i am not a fellowsoldier and 2) have no fellowsoldier. i have hoped to have married one. i have longed to find one. i feel so alone! my heart yearns to be in such a group of people but i know of no one...God keeps saying, endure hardness, go alone, with Me, into the fray. (associated with affray - a public fight)
voice of martyrs, 4.10, p.10...42 martyrs of ammoria - a.s.845..the 42 martyrs of ammoria were all commanders in the army of the byzantine emperor theophilus. when ammoria, located in modern-day turkey, fell to invading arab armies in 838, the muslims killed or sold many of the christians in the city. however, they took 42 ..commanders as hostages to samarra (now iraq) and threw them in prison, where they remained for seven years.
the muslim leaders told their prisoners, 'mohammed is the true prophet and not Christ'. the commanders replied, 'if there were two men debating about a field and the one said, 'this field is mine" and the other, "it is not, it is mine", and nearby one of them had many witnesses saying it is his field and the other had no witnesses, but only himself, what would you say - whose field is it?'
the muslims answered, 'indeed, to him who had many witnesses!' "you have judged correctly', the commanders said. 'that is the way with Christ and mohammed. Christ has many witnesses: the prophets of old, from moses to john the forerunner, who you also recognize and who witness to and about Him (Christ), but mohammed witnesses only to himself that he is a prophet and does not have even one witness'.
ashamed, the muslims said, 'our faith is better than the christian faith as proved by this: God gave us the victory over you and gave us the best land in the world and a kingdom much greater than christianity'.
in reply, the commanders said, 'if it were so, then the idolatry of the egyptians, babylonians, hellenes, romans and the fire-worship of the persians would be the true faith for , at one time, all of these people conquered the others and ruled over them. it is evident that your victory, power and wealth do not proved the truth of your faith. we know that God, at times, gives victory to Christians and, at other times, allows torture and suffering so as to correct them and to bring them to repentance and purification of their sins'.
for seven years, the 42 commanders were entreated to embrace the islamic faith, but they never acquiesced. they were finally beheaded in the year 845 their bodies were thrown into the euphrates river.
hope you have a good week. love, dad
well, today, being sunday went to mision evangelica and there was melted before him and the brethren. have been praying for His love to fill my heart. yesterday there was none. this a.m. was a taste and God sweetly gave me some degree of fellowship with the saints.
i wear this cross, just like wear out each article of clothing. these are several of the many 'badges of spirituality' that cling to me like so much pus. at least this is the impression that is growing upon me. the same thing can be done by different people or be the same person with totally different motivations. the things are not sin or sinless in themselves but rather become either/or based upon the focus. is a thing truly done from the heart for God or for myself. i have the increasing impression that there is a lot of 'me' in things that are ostensibly done for the Lord. another that just comes to mind is the practice of asking people how i can pray for them. when it's of the Lord, no matter how it is received or what happens there is a deep reassurance and peace in the spirit that this is the way in which i am to walk. thank You Lord for the victory each of Your own has in Jesus Christ alone. help me not to be anyway that does not reflect You.
concerning the growing bump on my neck i believe two things were shown me. the string of the cross around my neck never having been washed in some 3-4 years of constant wearing..many times in filthy, dirty situations may be the direct reason for the bump. i took it off and have not worn it for a week or more. the thot to try and dislodge the black 'dot' which headed the bump ought to be removed by proding with a needle and it should be soaked in epsom salts.reading.. i've done this three times so far and the bump has decreased greatly in size and hardness. thank You Lord. ...so i guess i'm not to die from cancer right now.
thank the Lord for it seems He may have brought me out of nearly 4 months without virtually any work into the land of plenty...we'll see. last two weeks about 60 hours have been logged scraping and painting the nearman's (sp?) house gables. this was totally unexpected. last year had given them an estimate but no response so figured it would not happen. then sandy asked if i were currently painting. no. start in. they seem to be pleased and would like the rest of the house exterior and barn to be painted. one problem. as of 4.22.10, by EPA regulations, any pre-1978 house comes under special requirements. first, the painter must take a course on the removal of lead-based paint and obtain a licence costing $500, not to speak of a day of your life. second, the regulations are daunting from a. extensive testing for the presence of lead-based paint, to b. required use of a respirator, which for me makes breathing hot, difficult and painful (due to the way it fits on the head and c. special clothing d. tarping off the entire area to be scraped in plastic (i am currently working on a 40' high brick structure which is probably 50' long. e. special method of collection and disposal of paint chips...resulting in an astronomical increase in the cost of labor. when i discussed this with sandy after learning that 4.22 was the beginning of a new era in painting she was very disappointed. they were very pleased with the way the gables were going and decided that they would like me to paint more. i told her that this was impossible for i was on the tail-end of painting and that the gables would be the last work i would do on pre-1978 structures. she came back again and as a result, seeing that my commute would now be 0 minutes (they live next door) and that the amount of work would fill out most of the hours of this last year of painting, i said i would check into it further. in calling the local paint store i was filled in on all the things mentioned above...then he said, the only exception is that if you have a contract dated pre-4.22 and signed none of the post requirements apply and there is no time limit for completion of the project. this, i sensed, was God. this was 4.20. on 4.21 sandy (john was away) and i signed...
then at the same time i was called by a very good customer who has given me much work over the 4 years i have been in business with a big project to paint. i had thot i would not hear from them again...
this year has been different. in the last few years, i believe, every single person who spoke to me about painting, i painted for them. this year a number of people have contacted me and only one has had me paint. it almost seems like God was testing me, saying, ' is steve going to start conniving, calling people back, etc. or is he going to wait on Me to provide. i can't take any credit. God has somehow kept me from acting on my own...and now i am once again, with joy, receiving His superabundant supply. in fact His supply is so superabundant that i am trying to connive and figure a way to take advantage of all that has come which may easily turn out to far more than the now 44o some hours of painting i have left until i don't paint anymore. i am really struggling with greed on the one side and a horror of moving to the next step where i must totally trust God to provide physical needs without any help on my own. i have emerged, by God's grace, from famine into a time of seemingly abundant harvest. now the test is to let it go and trust God at the end of 2010's hours. i have has thots of paul working day and night as a man sent by God/maker of tents so that he could take no wages from me as well as provide for the band of men who traved with him in apostolic labor. this has occurred several times in the past year as i look to 1.1.2011. i am praying...keep me from not trusting You alone. bring me to a place of total dependence on You as well as labor with You in Your vineyard. yet i am wondering if painting say 100 hours of so a year might not enable me to' tentmake' while seeking first the kingdom. may God help me to do as He would lead.
reading...
truly exceptional -janie b. cheaney, worldmag,4.24.10, p26 ..God ordained three institutions: the family, the state and the church. with the state encroaching onto territory that should belong to the other two, it's right and proper to resist. that tide has been turned before and it can be again. but 'the king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He will'. prov. 21.1...activists, whether looking to thefjuture or the past, put too much faith in the state. isolationists seek refuge within the family. of all God-ordained institutions, the church is often overlooked - and yet, interestingly, the only one that will last. christians hold dual citizenship and the visible church is the diplomatic outpost for our farther country. not always safe and not always trustworthy, by eternal. in our zeal to redeem the culture, we must not neglect what God has already redeemed'..
worldmag, same issue...'president obama said recently that his commitment to passing comprehensive immigration reform is 'unwavering'...
the above is a perfect example of what happens when a nation departs from God. the president, in the constitution, does not pass any legislation nor does he in any way try to use his position to influence the passing of legislation. that is congress' domain. during bush's years it became more and more apparent that he was regularly passing the line between the executive and the legislative branches of government. because he was allowed to do this by congress, more accurately by the people, he became the template for a morphing of the executive branch into a dictatorial power. the legislative branch has lost their mission to make law in keeping with God's law. the executive branch is rapidly taking over legislative function. the judicial branch has left off making sure that law is in keeping with God's law. all three have failed to support the keeping of law, which is in accordance with God's law, is obeyed by the people. this has come about because we, as a people, have abandoned the fear of God and the keeping of His law. our only hope is i...and the next i....and the next i...start to do exactly what God says to do.
p39 has a picture of a number of young men and women at a native missionary training center in china crying out to God. i gazed at this for a long time with great desire to be in their number, sharing with them the burden of Christ...i went back a number of times with the same result. of course precious Christ is the lover of my soul but 1) i am not a fellowsoldier and 2) have no fellowsoldier. i have hoped to have married one. i have longed to find one. i feel so alone! my heart yearns to be in such a group of people but i know of no one...God keeps saying, endure hardness, go alone, with Me, into the fray. (associated with affray - a public fight)
voice of martyrs, 4.10, p.10...42 martyrs of ammoria - a.s.845..the 42 martyrs of ammoria were all commanders in the army of the byzantine emperor theophilus. when ammoria, located in modern-day turkey, fell to invading arab armies in 838, the muslims killed or sold many of the christians in the city. however, they took 42 ..commanders as hostages to samarra (now iraq) and threw them in prison, where they remained for seven years.
the muslim leaders told their prisoners, 'mohammed is the true prophet and not Christ'. the commanders replied, 'if there were two men debating about a field and the one said, 'this field is mine" and the other, "it is not, it is mine", and nearby one of them had many witnesses saying it is his field and the other had no witnesses, but only himself, what would you say - whose field is it?'
the muslims answered, 'indeed, to him who had many witnesses!' "you have judged correctly', the commanders said. 'that is the way with Christ and mohammed. Christ has many witnesses: the prophets of old, from moses to john the forerunner, who you also recognize and who witness to and about Him (Christ), but mohammed witnesses only to himself that he is a prophet and does not have even one witness'.
ashamed, the muslims said, 'our faith is better than the christian faith as proved by this: God gave us the victory over you and gave us the best land in the world and a kingdom much greater than christianity'.
in reply, the commanders said, 'if it were so, then the idolatry of the egyptians, babylonians, hellenes, romans and the fire-worship of the persians would be the true faith for , at one time, all of these people conquered the others and ruled over them. it is evident that your victory, power and wealth do not proved the truth of your faith. we know that God, at times, gives victory to Christians and, at other times, allows torture and suffering so as to correct them and to bring them to repentance and purification of their sins'.
for seven years, the 42 commanders were entreated to embrace the islamic faith, but they never acquiesced. they were finally beheaded in the year 845 their bodies were thrown into the euphrates river.
hope you have a good week. love, dad
Sunday, April 18, 2010
4.18.10 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!
well, you'll be glad to know that all the reading snippets recorded on this site earlier this week were lost due to me fiddling around with something and not saving or posting it before time ran out. i thot that when that happened it was automatically saved, since these things are autosaved regularly...in this case, no. so there's less you need to read/delete this week...maybe...maybe i'll revert to my normal stubborn mode and try to type it all out again! no, don't worry! i won't. but it is a way i can share where God has me and what is getting my attention without too much talk about me. this week though is a bit of talk about me.
romans 12.1f says 'do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. i believe it says somewhere in the bible that the our minds are renewed by the Holy Spirit (i believe) thru the bible. the world says POSSESSIONS ARE THE WAY TO GO! in fact, the more we have, the better off we are. Jesus made and owns everything in the universe and yet when He was here He only had the clothes on His back. no home. He left the $ that was given Him with someone He knew to be a thief. He told His disciples to go out in the same manner until they learned firsthand they would always have what they needed if they were doing what He told them to do (unless it was His time to eject them out of here). i want to be transformed. i have little to no faith in this area or i would just sell the house, car and possessions now and start doing what He wants...but, even though far, far short, am inching toward it on various fronts.
one recent example...every year i take baby steps toward the ideal of no insurance. Jesus didn't have any. just reduced homeowners from 127 to $91 a year by increasing to the maximum deductible ($5000) and, by importuning my agent that i did not need $99+k to cover lost possessions, she found it possible to find a way to reduce it from 75% to 40% of the coverage of the house. so now i have only (!) $72k. if i'm still here next year i hopefully will take one or two more whittles.
this world says either believe the fiction that there is nothing after death or attempt to stay here as long as possible. LIFE HERE IS ALL THERE IS most people, from personal observation, seem to adopt the latter. God, with a bit of black humor, has put this nation who fully buy into this, in a democratic dictatorship which is taking steps to cripple this quest. (when you get what someone decides is old or you cease to be productive for society in someone's view..bye bye!) for myself if it comes to the place of being forced to pay for 'health insurance', i'll at that point take my option to move to non-violent, non-cooperation and enter upon my retirement housing in the state pen early.
this, however, may not be necessary for i hope to die and get sprung sooner than later rather than fight for continued life. now i'm a congenital chicken so you may have the sad opportunity of 'watching' me cling to life with a vengeance greater than the average worldling would... we'll see. i have a bump growing on the left side of my neck now that may spring me free! i'm praying over it now. i may take some tentative step to see what it is. i'm not sure. but, personally, i have a great desire to be home.
the world says that it is very important to 1. excel or, at the very least, 2. conform to what others do. my desire is to be a mirror for others to, if possible, see themselves. there seems to be a fear, even a horror of being thot poorly of by others. i like to 'wear out clothes' and do other things that provide a 'mirror' opportunity and also make sure i am only related to by those who truly want to. as far as excelling, my goal is to decel in the eyes of others, to be considered as the scum of the earth. to sum up, i want to be transformed into one who has truly given up seeking the approval of men and only seeks the approval of God.
this world and everything in it is a living lie. the fundamental thot behind this system is DO NOT BELIEVE, THAT IS, OBEY GOD. another way to put this is ANYTHING IS PREFERABLE TO TRUTH, SPOKEN-LIVED. (it's ok, in fact its absolutely great if you become a hearer of the word, but dear pity you if you start doing what you hear!) everything that is in place is geared to a denial of God's truth, His will, His kingdom here. (after all someone else thinks he's in charge just because he's set himself up as god of this world.) the whole system here denies the fact that every living being is totally dependent upon God every moment for their existence. everything, most powerfully most of what we call 'religion', is geared to a dependence on self for meaning and significance (using various 'gods' and idols of various sorts as stooges. the world is mostly populated with 'jews' and 'gentiles'. the former are all about trying to prove to themselves and those around them that they make the grade, that, in fact, they are better than others in the quest to be good. the latter know themselves as those who have not, are not or never will make the grade. both, at heart, truly hate God with His offer of free forgiveness and will not receive it. it's too easy and besides He gets all the credit and you have to do what He wants rather than what you want. unacceptable. it is an offense to the 'truth' that they will make it on their own way and do their own thing come hell or high water. both 'jews' and 'gentiles' in effect worship themselves.
God is fascinating in His plan to intermingle those who are His with all those who refuse His help, the tares mixed with the wheat. one never, truly, knows who he is relating to out there. some of the most nice and holy-seeming are birthed in the innermost reaches of hell, while others who seem 'beyond all hope' are a breath away from being birthed into the miraculous inner transformation who are the children of God. a church, in its local expression, is either a 'church' which is a living parasite...stealing the terminology, etc., etc. of the true church or it is a mixed multitude full of genuine wheat and genuine tares. why do i go on?.... because, no matter how things appear, in or out of the Church/'church'(the first with a few genuine stalks of wheat, both with plenty of tares that try to look like wheat)/'gentiles' ('outsiders')...no matter how beautiful, and good and right a person or thing in this world may appear... the way to test what it really is... is to speak truth to it and expose it to the light, Jesus. Jesus is the only person who ever lived who consistently lived-spoke truth. all the rest of us can do is attempt the closest approximation possible. this is my goal but right now i feel like i am going in the opposite direction.
in this world system MAN IS GOOD and GOD IS EVIL. another way to put this maxim is RELIGION (man seeking 'god') IS GOOD therefore GRACE (God seeks man) IS NOT NECESSARY God says that every person for the entire length of their earthly life,
is not righteous
does not understand
does not seek God
has gone out of the way
together with all the rest, is unprofitable
is not doing good
has a throat like an open sepulchre
has a tongue with which they keep deceiving
has the poison of asps under their tongue
has a mouth that is full of cursing and bitterness
has feet that are swift to shed blood
has destruction and misery are in their paths
has not known the path of peace
has no fear of God before their eyes
do you view yourself the way God views you above? this is not hyperbole or some kind of idle words that mean nothing. this is the one accurate picture of who each of us is. i have met precious few who seem to believe this. the, we'll call them the religious, horrify me. i can understand a person who is blind spiritually, thinking themselves good. they don't have a clue. how can one get mad at a blind person for bumping along doing horrendous things without awareness? it's the ones who say 'I see' that really tork me off. i had a 'brother' the other day who actually seemed to get mad when i asked him how i could pray for him. it may have been a wrong impression, but i got the definite impression that such a one as himself did not need any prayer, that the very thot of it was repugnant! i used to wonder at the command to pray without ceasing. no more. i can't pray enough. the only reason i don't pray more is because i'm such an arrogant sinner actually thinking i can do anything worthwhile without God' help and guidance. certainly, in spirit, i know i am constantly in desperate need of God's ongoing forgiveness and guidance. most times people have nothing they need prayer for!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cannot possibly imagine that. on the very rare occasion where someone asks how they can pray for me (99% of the time it seems like a polite response to my inquiry), i blurt out the one that at that moment is most urgent...or i may chose one they themselves need prayer for (for i do need prayer for everything!)...or i may chose one that maybe God can use to challenge them....and if i ever meet someone who genuinely probes and desires to uphold me in prayer then i have to hold myself back from burying them in requests. i'm like a man dying of spiritual thirst in the desert of my sinfulness before God.
my sister, eileen, and her husband, dick, have very graciously opened their home to me. i not only had the privilege of a wonderful few games of march madness but now that my pro team, the chicago bulls improbably made the nba playoffs i went over to see them play a good game before losing to lebron james and the cavs by 13. (i hope they whip their tails!) the night before i dog sat for the first time for them. their two little dogs had a good time with me.
my instructions were to sleep on the 3rd floor and to keep both dogs with me. so when bedtime came i took them out to do their business, came in and locked us all safely in the bedroom. i think i heard them whispering at the foot of the bed and several wheezes sounding suspiciously like stiffled giggles..but, anyway the idea was that if they barked that was the sign they needed to go out. bed 10:30. 12 midnight, a.j., the elder statesman started. put on my clothes and out we went. come back and disrobe the second time. 1 am, it's buffy. clothes on, out, off. 2 am, aj. clothes, etc. 3..buffy..the routine. the really bad thing was that i, who usually sleep like a rock was never far from consciousness. it was a little kind of torture chamber, that room..4...i could swear she was laughing outright but quickly cleared her thoat and barked once more in an authoritative manner. by this time i am barely navigating getting the clothes on, let alone walking. alright miss smartypants, 3 strikes, you are out..i am putting you in your cage in the basement so i don't have to see or listen to you again. it was vengeful, yes, but as usual i was justifying myself. no sooner did she, having emptied herself yet again, lie esconced in the cage and i, having handled my clothing for the 11th time and lay the..head..down..did..i..hear..a......bark...and aj joined her. i'm not sure when i finally gained consciousness. glad i don't have a dog.
hope you have a good week. love, dad
romans 12.1f says 'do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. i believe it says somewhere in the bible that the our minds are renewed by the Holy Spirit (i believe) thru the bible. the world says POSSESSIONS ARE THE WAY TO GO! in fact, the more we have, the better off we are. Jesus made and owns everything in the universe and yet when He was here He only had the clothes on His back. no home. He left the $ that was given Him with someone He knew to be a thief. He told His disciples to go out in the same manner until they learned firsthand they would always have what they needed if they were doing what He told them to do (unless it was His time to eject them out of here). i want to be transformed. i have little to no faith in this area or i would just sell the house, car and possessions now and start doing what He wants...but, even though far, far short, am inching toward it on various fronts.
one recent example...every year i take baby steps toward the ideal of no insurance. Jesus didn't have any. just reduced homeowners from 127 to $91 a year by increasing to the maximum deductible ($5000) and, by importuning my agent that i did not need $99+k to cover lost possessions, she found it possible to find a way to reduce it from 75% to 40% of the coverage of the house. so now i have only (!) $72k. if i'm still here next year i hopefully will take one or two more whittles.
this world says either believe the fiction that there is nothing after death or attempt to stay here as long as possible. LIFE HERE IS ALL THERE IS most people, from personal observation, seem to adopt the latter. God, with a bit of black humor, has put this nation who fully buy into this, in a democratic dictatorship which is taking steps to cripple this quest. (when you get what someone decides is old or you cease to be productive for society in someone's view..bye bye!) for myself if it comes to the place of being forced to pay for 'health insurance', i'll at that point take my option to move to non-violent, non-cooperation and enter upon my retirement housing in the state pen early.
this, however, may not be necessary for i hope to die and get sprung sooner than later rather than fight for continued life. now i'm a congenital chicken so you may have the sad opportunity of 'watching' me cling to life with a vengeance greater than the average worldling would... we'll see. i have a bump growing on the left side of my neck now that may spring me free! i'm praying over it now. i may take some tentative step to see what it is. i'm not sure. but, personally, i have a great desire to be home.
the world says that it is very important to 1. excel or, at the very least, 2. conform to what others do. my desire is to be a mirror for others to, if possible, see themselves. there seems to be a fear, even a horror of being thot poorly of by others. i like to 'wear out clothes' and do other things that provide a 'mirror' opportunity and also make sure i am only related to by those who truly want to. as far as excelling, my goal is to decel in the eyes of others, to be considered as the scum of the earth. to sum up, i want to be transformed into one who has truly given up seeking the approval of men and only seeks the approval of God.
this world and everything in it is a living lie. the fundamental thot behind this system is DO NOT BELIEVE, THAT IS, OBEY GOD. another way to put this is ANYTHING IS PREFERABLE TO TRUTH, SPOKEN-LIVED. (it's ok, in fact its absolutely great if you become a hearer of the word, but dear pity you if you start doing what you hear!) everything that is in place is geared to a denial of God's truth, His will, His kingdom here. (after all someone else thinks he's in charge just because he's set himself up as god of this world.) the whole system here denies the fact that every living being is totally dependent upon God every moment for their existence. everything, most powerfully most of what we call 'religion', is geared to a dependence on self for meaning and significance (using various 'gods' and idols of various sorts as stooges. the world is mostly populated with 'jews' and 'gentiles'. the former are all about trying to prove to themselves and those around them that they make the grade, that, in fact, they are better than others in the quest to be good. the latter know themselves as those who have not, are not or never will make the grade. both, at heart, truly hate God with His offer of free forgiveness and will not receive it. it's too easy and besides He gets all the credit and you have to do what He wants rather than what you want. unacceptable. it is an offense to the 'truth' that they will make it on their own way and do their own thing come hell or high water. both 'jews' and 'gentiles' in effect worship themselves.
God is fascinating in His plan to intermingle those who are His with all those who refuse His help, the tares mixed with the wheat. one never, truly, knows who he is relating to out there. some of the most nice and holy-seeming are birthed in the innermost reaches of hell, while others who seem 'beyond all hope' are a breath away from being birthed into the miraculous inner transformation who are the children of God. a church, in its local expression, is either a 'church' which is a living parasite...stealing the terminology, etc., etc. of the true church or it is a mixed multitude full of genuine wheat and genuine tares. why do i go on?.... because, no matter how things appear, in or out of the Church/'church'(the first with a few genuine stalks of wheat, both with plenty of tares that try to look like wheat)/'gentiles' ('outsiders')...no matter how beautiful, and good and right a person or thing in this world may appear... the way to test what it really is... is to speak truth to it and expose it to the light, Jesus. Jesus is the only person who ever lived who consistently lived-spoke truth. all the rest of us can do is attempt the closest approximation possible. this is my goal but right now i feel like i am going in the opposite direction.
in this world system MAN IS GOOD and GOD IS EVIL. another way to put this maxim is RELIGION (man seeking 'god') IS GOOD therefore GRACE (God seeks man) IS NOT NECESSARY God says that every person for the entire length of their earthly life,
is not righteous
does not understand
does not seek God
has gone out of the way
together with all the rest, is unprofitable
is not doing good
has a throat like an open sepulchre
has a tongue with which they keep deceiving
has the poison of asps under their tongue
has a mouth that is full of cursing and bitterness
has feet that are swift to shed blood
has destruction and misery are in their paths
has not known the path of peace
has no fear of God before their eyes
do you view yourself the way God views you above? this is not hyperbole or some kind of idle words that mean nothing. this is the one accurate picture of who each of us is. i have met precious few who seem to believe this. the, we'll call them the religious, horrify me. i can understand a person who is blind spiritually, thinking themselves good. they don't have a clue. how can one get mad at a blind person for bumping along doing horrendous things without awareness? it's the ones who say 'I see' that really tork me off. i had a 'brother' the other day who actually seemed to get mad when i asked him how i could pray for him. it may have been a wrong impression, but i got the definite impression that such a one as himself did not need any prayer, that the very thot of it was repugnant! i used to wonder at the command to pray without ceasing. no more. i can't pray enough. the only reason i don't pray more is because i'm such an arrogant sinner actually thinking i can do anything worthwhile without God' help and guidance. certainly, in spirit, i know i am constantly in desperate need of God's ongoing forgiveness and guidance. most times people have nothing they need prayer for!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cannot possibly imagine that. on the very rare occasion where someone asks how they can pray for me (99% of the time it seems like a polite response to my inquiry), i blurt out the one that at that moment is most urgent...or i may chose one they themselves need prayer for (for i do need prayer for everything!)...or i may chose one that maybe God can use to challenge them....and if i ever meet someone who genuinely probes and desires to uphold me in prayer then i have to hold myself back from burying them in requests. i'm like a man dying of spiritual thirst in the desert of my sinfulness before God.
my sister, eileen, and her husband, dick, have very graciously opened their home to me. i not only had the privilege of a wonderful few games of march madness but now that my pro team, the chicago bulls improbably made the nba playoffs i went over to see them play a good game before losing to lebron james and the cavs by 13. (i hope they whip their tails!) the night before i dog sat for the first time for them. their two little dogs had a good time with me.
my instructions were to sleep on the 3rd floor and to keep both dogs with me. so when bedtime came i took them out to do their business, came in and locked us all safely in the bedroom. i think i heard them whispering at the foot of the bed and several wheezes sounding suspiciously like stiffled giggles..but, anyway the idea was that if they barked that was the sign they needed to go out. bed 10:30. 12 midnight, a.j., the elder statesman started. put on my clothes and out we went. come back and disrobe the second time. 1 am, it's buffy. clothes on, out, off. 2 am, aj. clothes, etc. 3..buffy..the routine. the really bad thing was that i, who usually sleep like a rock was never far from consciousness. it was a little kind of torture chamber, that room..4...i could swear she was laughing outright but quickly cleared her thoat and barked once more in an authoritative manner. by this time i am barely navigating getting the clothes on, let alone walking. alright miss smartypants, 3 strikes, you are out..i am putting you in your cage in the basement so i don't have to see or listen to you again. it was vengeful, yes, but as usual i was justifying myself. no sooner did she, having emptied herself yet again, lie esconced in the cage and i, having handled my clothing for the 11th time and lay the..head..down..did..i..hear..a......bark...and aj joined her. i'm not sure when i finally gained consciousness. glad i don't have a dog.
hope you have a good week. love, dad
Monday, April 5, 2010
4.11.10 may i tremble at Your word!
things that stand out in print this week..
from 'words on fire: the unfinished story of yiddish by dovid katz
i'm going from 'memory' here so obviously you won't want to quote anything written here! hebrew was the language of the jew before the babylonian captivity around 400 bc, aramaic until the fall of jerusalem in about 70 ad, and yiddish since. yid has functioned as the every-day-speaking language which was seen as the bottom rung of a trilingualism which included hebrew and aramaic. the latter were used by men, mostly to study the old testament(hebrew) and the books of 'commentary' on it(aramaic). the diaspora of the jews ironically followed the movement of islam into europe where ashkenaz, current germany, became the center of this ongoing study of the sacred revelation to the jew.
the author uses 'pale of settlement' to describe the jews places of habitation. they have been cruelly treated by general 'christian' society under the charge of being Christ-crucifiers. they have lived as a stateless people many times driven from their homes to another location...if they were fortunate. yiddish was one of the things that enabled jews, wherever they lived, to communicate. katz is good from a scholarly perspective but did not help me understand how exactly this happened, for yiddish borrowed words from every culture the jews lived in...i don't know. maybe some day..
the jews split into various 'sects' all the way from totally secular to the amish-like (adherence to ways of dressing, etc. which clearly mark them as culturally different..in an unchanging-from-generation-to-generation way) haredim. the nation-creating movement in modern israel has developed a type of hebrew which has become the modern language of ivrit (spelling?) hitler's germany was catalyst for the development of ivrit and also the death of yiddish. after the holocaust post-war jewry adopted the languages of their home countries. today only the few remaining pre-war jews and the haradim speak yiddish.
a very interesting thing is discussed on p.375. '..they published a chart in 1995 following the demographic predictions for 200 each of the following categories of jews: hasidic orthodox, yeshiva orthodox/centrist orthodox(neoorthodox)/conservative/reform/secular. according to their projections, by the fourth generation, the 200 hasidim will have produced 5,157 jews; the 200 neorothodox, 692; the 200 conservatives, 48; the 200 reform, 27; the 200 secular, 10. so the projection is that there should be plenty yiddish-speaking into the future.
account of george whitefield's 'thunderstorm sermon..
'on mounting the pulpit near boston, he knelt. to one new observer he looked and sounded rather ordinary as he began to pray aloud. soon he prayed oblivious of his surroundings; 'he seemed to kneel at the trone of Jehovah and to beseech in agony for his fellow beings'. he ended his prayer, knelt a long time 'in profound silence and so powerfully had it affected the most heartless of his audience that a stillness like that of the tomb pervaded the whole house'.
as he rose and began his address, clouds broke the morning sunshine which had streamed thru the tall clear glass of the windows. all the time he laid the solid doctinal foundation on which he built every sermon, it was sun one moment, then shade, then sun, as shadows flitted across. suddently he stretched out his arm at a moving shadow. 'see that emblem of human life! it passed for a moment and concealed the brightness of heaven from our view. but it is gon! and where will you be, my hearers, when your lives are passed away like that dark cloud?
oh my dear friends, i see thousands sitting attentive, with their eyes fixed on the poor unworthy preacher. in a few days we shall all meet at the judgement seat of Christ...every eye will behold - the Judge! with a voice whose call you must abide and answer, He will enquire whether on earth you strove to enter in at the strait gate? whether you were supremely devoted to God? whether your hearts were absorbed in Him?'
by now the sun had gone; the curch grew dark, and in the distance the rumble of thunder. 'my blood runs cold when i think how many of you will seek to enter in and shall not be able. (AND I COULD GIVE A RIP!) o what plea can you make before the Judge of the whole earth?' it was no help that they had read the sacred Word and made long prayers and appeared holy in the eyes of men instead of loving God supremely; they had been 'false and hollow christians'.
the storm was almost overhead. the preacher stood in the eerie light of thundercloud about to break. 'o sinner! by all your hopes of happiness i beseech you to repent. let not the wrath of God be awakened! let not the fires of eternity be kindled against you'.
forked lightning.
'see there! it is a glance from the angry eye of jehovah. hark-'
he lifted his finger. he paused. tension stood at breaking point. a tremendous crash. the thunder pealed and reverberated. as it did away the preacher's deep bell-like tones came from the semi-darkness. 'it was the voice of the Almighty as He passed by in His anger!'
whitefield covered his face with his hands, fell to his knees in likent prayer. the storm passed. the sun shone and the windows reflected a magnificent rainbow. whitefield rose and pointed at it. 'look upon the rainbow and praise him who made it. very beautiful it is in the brightness thereof. it compasseth the heavens about with glory and the hands of the Most High have bended it'.
from the samaritan ministries monthly letter..
health care - galen.org..researching the best ways for patients to be able to exercise individual choice in health care and promotes competition in the private sector
bill frezza, realclearmarkets.com - ...'health care prices are fake, inflexible and inflated because they are set not by the repeated interactions of buyers and sellers but by opaque acts of collusion between goverment bureaucrats and special interests'.
creation.com (creation ministries international, gary bates)..'i realized there wern't any repeatable, experimental types of tests that people equate with science that could be used to prove that the universe is billions of years old.
this being the first year without any tv in, well, i don't know how long, God gave me a nice gift from my sister and her husband: ability to watch march madness from the sweet 16 to the end: duke 61 butler 59 for the national collegiate championship. this year's march madness was some of the best bball i have seen in a while..'my' team, duke, won over a team that may become my second best team in a battle superb. if i could have picked the best championship game match up from my point of view it would have been the one that happened. every butler game and all but one duke game were fantastic. both teams were a 'joy' to watch. a number of other games were a 'joy'...very good bball this year all round...but somehow the old thrill seems gone..strange. a nearly lifelong passion/love fading. if a game was not superb i was able to shut it off. a first. i'm not sure what is happening, but things of this nature have been happening...
i have been struggling with hatred in a growing way for the past year or two. first it was one individual. then two others..another..another etc. this week i became aware that this could easily generalize outward, that it is a very serious heart problem for anyone who professes to love others and to have experienced the love of God. on the one hand i experience God's love at all times. many times it is the only reality i have to cling to. again and again He relates, He forgives, He comforts, He withholds the bad i deserve, He helps and is so patient and gentle and good through it all. this to one who does not love Him at all if judged by what i do (ie. if you love Me KEEP My commandments)..and this goes on and on and on without a hint of Him getting sick of me, without any indication that He's had enough. on the other hand i am so the opposite with other sinners around me. i'm so judgmental..little or no leeway. (a brother recently said, 'why don't you call him again? make allowance for him being human'. i just can't..or i won't. i'm sick of sinners..people, ironically, just like me! i desperately need to be immersed in the love of God is what i feel. i desperately need a touch from God. i desperately need His life within and flowing out. i'm at the end of me. faking being loving just won't cut it any more. i yearn to truly love as i am loved by God. it's easy to love when you are loved, but when you are not it takes a miracle to keep right on loving.
the first time i heard 'sweet dreams' by annie lennox i was struck by the truth of these words and by the horror of that truth. they are words that describe just a part of the truth written in romans 3.10-18 starting with 'they ARE all (and will never cease to be as long as they draw breath) sinners (v9)..
sweet dreams are made of these
who am i to disagree
i travel the world and the 7 seas
everybody's looking for something
some of them want to use you
some of them want to be used by you
some of them want to abuse you
some of them want to be abused..
intellectually i believe the bible is true. i experience God's love and everywhere see many things that confirm the truth of Him and His revelation. but, at heart, i am absolutely empty of the kind of love He has for me and, i believe, for others. in retrospect, i've aped it, imitated it, but am now wondering if i ever have really had it. i know that His love is not feeling-based and maybe i am immersed in a selfish-stew. i just don't know. maybe true, truth-imitating, sacrificial love is never easy and maybe i just want it to be easy. i know that right now i want it to be reciprocated and maybe that too has nothing to do with genuine Godlike love. francis of assissi's ' seek not to be understood but to understand' etc. irritates me at this point. i have no desire or ability to do this or even fake it. I want human love and God seems to cordon Me off from it on every side. i am in crisis over it and hate, hate, hate the continual crucified reality that comes with loving with God's love. may He help me. in the flesh, i want a magic pill so i can love. He wants me bloody crucified.
i know, i know..i have a seemingly incurable negative bend (another of the many things God is showing me). i focus on the negative parts of reality. it's hard, from here, to think that someday i'll finally be cured of who i am. God keeps sending little encouragements to keep going. this spring the bird-chirping has been louder than i ever remember it. it seems like every little one has a little megaphone to it's beak proclaiming, 'everything is just fine!!!' if i could only believe what He is telling me thru His little prophets then out of my innermost being would flow rivers of living water. i long to be a He is....you know, it just occurred to me that in all His faithful, ongoing love for me and for every other person in the world He continually suffers because He never gets back what He would like: a reciprocal true love, in response, from us. if it is true that He continually suffers and yet continually shows love, then there is no way to escape suffering and pain in love or excuse to stop bloody love. right now i'm so thankful to receive this, so unwilling (i would say 'unable') to give it.
have a good week, love, dad
from 'words on fire: the unfinished story of yiddish by dovid katz
i'm going from 'memory' here so obviously you won't want to quote anything written here! hebrew was the language of the jew before the babylonian captivity around 400 bc, aramaic until the fall of jerusalem in about 70 ad, and yiddish since. yid has functioned as the every-day-speaking language which was seen as the bottom rung of a trilingualism which included hebrew and aramaic. the latter were used by men, mostly to study the old testament(hebrew) and the books of 'commentary' on it(aramaic). the diaspora of the jews ironically followed the movement of islam into europe where ashkenaz, current germany, became the center of this ongoing study of the sacred revelation to the jew.
the author uses 'pale of settlement' to describe the jews places of habitation. they have been cruelly treated by general 'christian' society under the charge of being Christ-crucifiers. they have lived as a stateless people many times driven from their homes to another location...if they were fortunate. yiddish was one of the things that enabled jews, wherever they lived, to communicate. katz is good from a scholarly perspective but did not help me understand how exactly this happened, for yiddish borrowed words from every culture the jews lived in...i don't know. maybe some day..
the jews split into various 'sects' all the way from totally secular to the amish-like (adherence to ways of dressing, etc. which clearly mark them as culturally different..in an unchanging-from-generation-to-generation way) haredim. the nation-creating movement in modern israel has developed a type of hebrew which has become the modern language of ivrit (spelling?) hitler's germany was catalyst for the development of ivrit and also the death of yiddish. after the holocaust post-war jewry adopted the languages of their home countries. today only the few remaining pre-war jews and the haradim speak yiddish.
a very interesting thing is discussed on p.375. '..they published a chart in 1995 following the demographic predictions for 200 each of the following categories of jews: hasidic orthodox, yeshiva orthodox/centrist orthodox(neoorthodox)/conservative/reform/secular. according to their projections, by the fourth generation, the 200 hasidim will have produced 5,157 jews; the 200 neorothodox, 692; the 200 conservatives, 48; the 200 reform, 27; the 200 secular, 10. so the projection is that there should be plenty yiddish-speaking into the future.
account of george whitefield's 'thunderstorm sermon..
'on mounting the pulpit near boston, he knelt. to one new observer he looked and sounded rather ordinary as he began to pray aloud. soon he prayed oblivious of his surroundings; 'he seemed to kneel at the trone of Jehovah and to beseech in agony for his fellow beings'. he ended his prayer, knelt a long time 'in profound silence and so powerfully had it affected the most heartless of his audience that a stillness like that of the tomb pervaded the whole house'.
as he rose and began his address, clouds broke the morning sunshine which had streamed thru the tall clear glass of the windows. all the time he laid the solid doctinal foundation on which he built every sermon, it was sun one moment, then shade, then sun, as shadows flitted across. suddently he stretched out his arm at a moving shadow. 'see that emblem of human life! it passed for a moment and concealed the brightness of heaven from our view. but it is gon! and where will you be, my hearers, when your lives are passed away like that dark cloud?
oh my dear friends, i see thousands sitting attentive, with their eyes fixed on the poor unworthy preacher. in a few days we shall all meet at the judgement seat of Christ...every eye will behold - the Judge! with a voice whose call you must abide and answer, He will enquire whether on earth you strove to enter in at the strait gate? whether you were supremely devoted to God? whether your hearts were absorbed in Him?'
by now the sun had gone; the curch grew dark, and in the distance the rumble of thunder. 'my blood runs cold when i think how many of you will seek to enter in and shall not be able. (AND I COULD GIVE A RIP!) o what plea can you make before the Judge of the whole earth?' it was no help that they had read the sacred Word and made long prayers and appeared holy in the eyes of men instead of loving God supremely; they had been 'false and hollow christians'.
the storm was almost overhead. the preacher stood in the eerie light of thundercloud about to break. 'o sinner! by all your hopes of happiness i beseech you to repent. let not the wrath of God be awakened! let not the fires of eternity be kindled against you'.
forked lightning.
'see there! it is a glance from the angry eye of jehovah. hark-'
he lifted his finger. he paused. tension stood at breaking point. a tremendous crash. the thunder pealed and reverberated. as it did away the preacher's deep bell-like tones came from the semi-darkness. 'it was the voice of the Almighty as He passed by in His anger!'
whitefield covered his face with his hands, fell to his knees in likent prayer. the storm passed. the sun shone and the windows reflected a magnificent rainbow. whitefield rose and pointed at it. 'look upon the rainbow and praise him who made it. very beautiful it is in the brightness thereof. it compasseth the heavens about with glory and the hands of the Most High have bended it'.
from the samaritan ministries monthly letter..
health care - galen.org..researching the best ways for patients to be able to exercise individual choice in health care and promotes competition in the private sector
bill frezza, realclearmarkets.com - ...'health care prices are fake, inflexible and inflated because they are set not by the repeated interactions of buyers and sellers but by opaque acts of collusion between goverment bureaucrats and special interests'.
creation.com (creation ministries international, gary bates)..'i realized there wern't any repeatable, experimental types of tests that people equate with science that could be used to prove that the universe is billions of years old.
this being the first year without any tv in, well, i don't know how long, God gave me a nice gift from my sister and her husband: ability to watch march madness from the sweet 16 to the end: duke 61 butler 59 for the national collegiate championship. this year's march madness was some of the best bball i have seen in a while..'my' team, duke, won over a team that may become my second best team in a battle superb. if i could have picked the best championship game match up from my point of view it would have been the one that happened. every butler game and all but one duke game were fantastic. both teams were a 'joy' to watch. a number of other games were a 'joy'...very good bball this year all round...but somehow the old thrill seems gone..strange. a nearly lifelong passion/love fading. if a game was not superb i was able to shut it off. a first. i'm not sure what is happening, but things of this nature have been happening...
i have been struggling with hatred in a growing way for the past year or two. first it was one individual. then two others..another..another etc. this week i became aware that this could easily generalize outward, that it is a very serious heart problem for anyone who professes to love others and to have experienced the love of God. on the one hand i experience God's love at all times. many times it is the only reality i have to cling to. again and again He relates, He forgives, He comforts, He withholds the bad i deserve, He helps and is so patient and gentle and good through it all. this to one who does not love Him at all if judged by what i do (ie. if you love Me KEEP My commandments)..and this goes on and on and on without a hint of Him getting sick of me, without any indication that He's had enough. on the other hand i am so the opposite with other sinners around me. i'm so judgmental..little or no leeway. (a brother recently said, 'why don't you call him again? make allowance for him being human'. i just can't..or i won't. i'm sick of sinners..people, ironically, just like me! i desperately need to be immersed in the love of God is what i feel. i desperately need a touch from God. i desperately need His life within and flowing out. i'm at the end of me. faking being loving just won't cut it any more. i yearn to truly love as i am loved by God. it's easy to love when you are loved, but when you are not it takes a miracle to keep right on loving.
the first time i heard 'sweet dreams' by annie lennox i was struck by the truth of these words and by the horror of that truth. they are words that describe just a part of the truth written in romans 3.10-18 starting with 'they ARE all (and will never cease to be as long as they draw breath) sinners (v9)..
sweet dreams are made of these
who am i to disagree
i travel the world and the 7 seas
everybody's looking for something
some of them want to use you
some of them want to be used by you
some of them want to abuse you
some of them want to be abused..
intellectually i believe the bible is true. i experience God's love and everywhere see many things that confirm the truth of Him and His revelation. but, at heart, i am absolutely empty of the kind of love He has for me and, i believe, for others. in retrospect, i've aped it, imitated it, but am now wondering if i ever have really had it. i know that His love is not feeling-based and maybe i am immersed in a selfish-stew. i just don't know. maybe true, truth-imitating, sacrificial love is never easy and maybe i just want it to be easy. i know that right now i want it to be reciprocated and maybe that too has nothing to do with genuine Godlike love. francis of assissi's ' seek not to be understood but to understand' etc. irritates me at this point. i have no desire or ability to do this or even fake it. I want human love and God seems to cordon Me off from it on every side. i am in crisis over it and hate, hate, hate the continual crucified reality that comes with loving with God's love. may He help me. in the flesh, i want a magic pill so i can love. He wants me bloody crucified.
i know, i know..i have a seemingly incurable negative bend (another of the many things God is showing me). i focus on the negative parts of reality. it's hard, from here, to think that someday i'll finally be cured of who i am. God keeps sending little encouragements to keep going. this spring the bird-chirping has been louder than i ever remember it. it seems like every little one has a little megaphone to it's beak proclaiming, 'everything is just fine!!!' if i could only believe what He is telling me thru His little prophets then out of my innermost being would flow rivers of living water. i long to be a He is....you know, it just occurred to me that in all His faithful, ongoing love for me and for every other person in the world He continually suffers because He never gets back what He would like: a reciprocal true love, in response, from us. if it is true that He continually suffers and yet continually shows love, then there is no way to escape suffering and pain in love or excuse to stop bloody love. right now i'm so thankful to receive this, so unwilling (i would say 'unable') to give it.
have a good week, love, dad
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