this week i got thinking about joy (II cor. 6.10 - sorrowful yet always rejoicing; I thes. 1.6 - you..received the word in much tribulation with the joy of the Holy Spirit). happiness depends on what happens, circumstances. joy does not. i followed thru webster's (such as 'rejoice, delight, pleasure, sufficient, adequate etc.) to see if i could get more insight. i believe it was 'adequate' or another that gave me a better handle to understand what is involved in joy when it said, 'to be ENOUGH'. so evidently joy and contentment are closely related. i'm scared to death of being ill-thot of, of losing others' approval, of losing the security that comes from having a place to live, enough to eat, clothes to put on, things of whatever nature that make my life easier, 'nice'. what would i ever do if everyone i knew hated me, i was starving, naked and had no safe place to go. i would say that my thot that an unseen God is ENOUGH has hardly been put to the test. i certainly don't, inwardly, LIVE this. there are people and things that are essential. to be stripped of all but God might be a test far too strong for my supposed faith. all i can say is, if i lived 'Jesus, You are enough, period', i would live a vastly different life than the one i do now.
along this line... i received an extreme devotional in which the words of rachel scott, one of the christian students killed at columbine high school, convicted me. she said in her journal something to the effect that she lost all her friends at school due to her open witness to Jesus. i keep being haunted by jeremiah, 'oh Lord, You have deceived me and i was deceived. You have overcome me and prevailed. i have become a laughingstock all day long. EVERYONE mocks me. for each time i speak, i cry aloud. i proclaim violence and destruction, because for me the word of the Lord has resulted in reproach and derision all day long. but if i say, "i will not remember Him or speak anymore in His name", then in my heart it becomes like a burning fire shut up in my bones and i am weary of holding it in and i cannot endure it. for i have heard the whispering of many, terror on every side! denounce him; yes, let us denouce him! ALL MY TRUSTED FRIENDS, watching for my fall, say, "perhaps he will be deceived, so that we may prevail against him and take our revenge on him". but the Lord is with me like a dread champion...' (20.7f) i am haunted by Jesus words, '..do not fear...therefore everyone who confesses Me before men, i will also confess him before My Father who is in heaven. but whoever denies mMe before men, i will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven. do not think that i came to bring peace on the earth. i did not come to bring peace, but a sword. for I came to set a man against his father..and a man's enemies will be the members of his household. he who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me...he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me..he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me..he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it'...may God have mercy and make Himself alone ENOUGH for me.
this in the local prolife paper: margaret sanger, founder of planned parenthood, said, 'we want fewer and better children...we cannot make the social life and world peace we are determined to make, with the ill-bred, ill-trained swarms of inferior citizens that you inflict on us'. due to the religion of birth control and our rampant immoral disregard for God's restriction of sex to married-for-life couples we have become a nation in chaos: 38% of newborns do not have married parents (highest out-of-wedlock pregnancy rate in the vanishing western world); 20% of us have sexually transmitted disease.
confronted by two candidates for souderton borough council who believe they have the right to spend my $ on more than the bare necessities i had to do two write-in's, one for jim donnelly (an unknowing neighbor) and one for me. someone this week asked why i didn't run for office. i said because no one would vote for me. my platform: ONE -make public all that is 'going on' on the 'inside' and actively seek to DISCUSS EVERYTHING WITH EVERYONE and make response and (if my chosen course of action is out of line with the people - PUT IT TO A REFERENDUM! - quickly step aside; TWO - VOTE AGAINST SPENDING ONE DOLLAR FOR ANYTHING individuals can do for themselves (in souderton two examples of needed items are the maintenance of roads and of the town sewer plant); THREE - GET RID OF every thing, as a function of GOVERNMENT, that is not necessary (let this be done, by referendum if necessary, by private individuals, etc.). FOUR - start the process of ENDOWment of necessities so that in time taxes become a thing of the past and no person can lose their property due to illness, poverty, etc. FIVE - structure the law so that the PEOPLE'S VOICE PREVAIL perpetually. obviously a utopian scheme! alas, it's the only one i could enthusiastically be a part of and support during my vaporous time here on earth.
reading an article about lydia mikhailovna vins, in an article mom left, i found the first PROPOSAL i ever read that deeply resonated as one (theoretically...i don't see it ever happening!) that i could enthusiastically make. when she was 20 peter, her future husband' said, 'if you are willing to die in the mud, the swamps and the forests of siberia, then marry me'. my kind of proposal!
this week the Lord surprised me. first, after putting silvered asphalt on shirley's barn roof and front and back flat roofs on our shared twin, she blew me away with a check for $500!! i tried to tell her, as i had told her before, that i didn't want anything but she insisted. in so doing she paid me, after deducting for the material i used, $7.50 an hour above my normal rate!!! thank You Lord for the unexpected blessing!!!!
second, i was given a referral where the guy wanted an estimate. it was a large old house in very poor shape that had wall paper throughout most of it that needed to be removed. it would have taken over 250 hours and therefore impossible to complete by the june 15 end date. my old mode would be to throw out everything that God is building in my life in order to work like a madman gathering nuts for the winter. God seems to be calling me to gather manna (no more than 8 hours per day) and trust Him, not myself, to meet my physical needs. amazingly i was able to let the 'pot of gold' which would have quickly caught me up to date without looking back. occasionally the devil plants the 'you're crazy...you'll regret this'. if so, then the God of the Bible is not who He says He is, so it doesn't matter anyway then...right?
third, actually worked about 17 hours for pay this week so that was cool. finish up briefly tomorrow morning and then can get back to focusing completely on spiritual infrastructure and the restoration of 54.
went to living fellowship church in franconia today to catch up with a friend, pete, i met at the wild at heart men's retreat. am going thru alot of spiritual warfare and am becoming more aware of how the wicked spirit has ...well basically THROTTLED my spirit and deceived me in various ways for as long past as i can remember. am steadily seeking to attack through ongoing prayer fortresses within me he has established to the thwarting of God's will. i'm asking God to release in me a deep anger at what he has and is doing to the end that i will, in the word's of uncle buddy robinson 'gum him til i die'. have been studying and meditating a good bit on ephesians 6.10-20. in the flesh, i am like a lonely, scared waif now that i am leaving my church family. Lord, help me trust You.
got my boarding pass to dearborn, michagan which i have to figure how to get printed. need to learn how to take public trains to the airport (we leave am, june 16, and get back about lunch on june 22. am trying to get a copy of the koran to read. i have a heart for no one. who ever heard of a person on mission who did not have a heart. am comforted that following God is in the DOING and not in the feeling, thinking, willing. may He somehow allow His precious words of eternal life to be poured out of me and prepared hearts to drink in the life-giving water. hope you have a good week. love, dad
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