2.17.2013 ARE YOU A HOMOPHOBE?

DOES JESUS WITH ZACCHEUS equal ME WITH HOMOSEXUALS?

i just got done meditating through the passage in luke 19.1-10
where Zaccheus meets Jesus.

2.16.2013 LORD BRING ME INTO A BROAD PLACE!

the other day into my spirit floated the word 'broad'
i sensed it was a seed blown by Your breath into my mind.
i searched for 'broad' and this is what i found...

primarily i found the verses that had, in a hidden manner,
breathed the beauty and mystery of this word into me to start.

the first is found in II samuel 22,
the body of words that, as verse 1 recounts,
'david spake unto the Lord the words of this song in the day that the Lord had delivered him out of the hand of all his enemies, and out of the hand of saul'
v20 He also brought me forth into a broad place;
He rescued me, because He delighted in me.

the second is found in psalm 18.19,
this psalm, as titled, is one and the same with II samuel 22
(haven't checked it but if not verbatim, in the same spirit,
and in light of the same occasion.

the other, job 36.16 says,
then indeed, He enticed you from the mouth of distress,
instead of it, a broad place with no constraint;
and that which was set on your table was full of fatness.

job uses the root word, the other two use a word that comes from the root word,
which is used of the land of palestine as promised by God to His people
it's most frequent occurrence, however is in
psychologically revealing phrases
involving parts of the body or bodily attributes.
this usage is completely colloquial
(ordinary or familiar conversation as opposed to formal speech)
and defies literal translation.

rAhab (the hebrew root word) appears

1. with mouth
I samuel 2.1
-then hannah prayed  and said,
'my heart exults in the Lord;
my horn is exalted in the Lord,
my mouth SPEAKS BOLDLY
(margin-is enlarged)
against my enemies,
because i rejoice in Thy salvation.
psalm 35.21
-and they OPENED their mouth WIDE against me;
they said, 'aha, aha, our eyes have seen it!
psalm 81.10
-I, the Lord, am your God,
who brought you up from the land of egypt;
OPEN your mouth WIDE and i will fill it.
isaiah 57.4
-against whom do you jest?
against whom do you OPEN WIDE your mouth
and stick out your tongue?
are you not children of rebellion
offspring of deceit.

2.with heart
psalm 119.32
-i shall run the way of Thy commandments,
for Thou wilt ENLARGE my heart.
isaiah 60.5
-then you will see and be radiant,
and your heart WILL THRILL AND REJOICE
(MARGIN- tremble and be enlarged)
psalm 25.17
-the troubles of my heart are ENLARGED;
bring me out of my distresses.

3. with steps
psalm 18.36
-Thou dost ENLARGE my steps under me.
and my feet have not slipped.

of special interest is psalm 4.1 where there is an extremely obscure usage
-answer me when i call, O God of my righteousness!
Thou has RELIEVED ME IN my distress.
be gracious to me and hear my prayer.

proverbs uses the verb only once to apply to the increase of $
in the view of the worldly wise man.
-18.16 a man's gift MAKES ROOM  for him,
and brings him before great men.

the word has no single english equivalent..
may be best translated in all of its colloquial usages as
'MADE GREATER EFFECT OF mouth, heart, etc.
this is a clumsy translation but gives  some semblance
of the original semitic
(afro-asiatic language group, of which hebrew is one)
flavour in all passages where used.

2.16.2013 LONELY

You are more and more helping me to see the absolute absence of Your love in my heart and in my life.
Oh Lord, is it in man to set about practicing Your love?
is that not impossible Lord?
but You say that things impossible to man are possible with God, do You not?
You say, 'you have not because you ask not'.
Lord, i ask...'GIVE ME YOUR LOVE OR I DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
is it not Your will that i love You with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, AND my neighbor as myself?
do You not say, 'anything you ask in My name shall be given you'?
i ask this not for myself. i ask this that You would be praised, that Your name, Your true nature,
would be known in a greater way through my small and totlly insignificant life (apart from You).

below i copy two songs written by the brother, now in heaven, who most challenges me and woos me
to You. You were lonely for the right reason. i increasingly believe that i am lonely for the wrong.
in any case i cry out to You to make me like You. all i want is that i am crucified and Christ is seem...
whether i'm lonely or not.
Lord, would You show me the way?

lonely by myself -larry norman       (so long ago the garden)

if i could find someone
who really cared for me
someone to share my love
and keep me company
if i could find someone
i'd let them take control
and in exchange for love
i'd give my very soul.

it's such a lonely life
i almost cry each night
cause fate has put me on the shelf
i get so lonely
so lonely by myself

if i could find someone
who'd really love me right
they'd make my life complete
they'd make my soul shine bright
i've looked around the world
i've walked down every street
still i can't find no one
to give me what i need

it's such a lonely life
i almost cry each night
cause fate has put me,
fate has put me on the shelf
i get so lonely
so lonely by myself
i get so lonely
so lonely
so lonely by myself

who can i turn to
is anybody there
doesn't anybody care
oooohhh doesn't anybody listen
doesn't anybody care


i am a servant - larry norman       (in another land)


i am a servant i am listening for my name
i sit here waiting i've been looking at the game
that i'v been playing
i've been staying much the same
when you are lonely you're the only one to blame

i am a servant i am waiting for Your call
i've been unfaithful so i sit here in the hall
how can You use me when i've never given all
how can You choose me
when You know i'd quickly fall

so You feed my soul, You help me grow
You let me know You love me
i might feel worthless now but i've made a vow
i will humbly bow before Thee
oh please use me i am lonely

i am a servant getting ready for my part
there's been a change
a rearrangement in my heart
at last i'm learning there's no returning once i start
to live's a privilaege, to love is such an art
but i need Your help to start
oh please purify my heart
i am Your servant

Lord, Your love is unparalleled. no human love comes close. I am nourished, secure in Your love,
but give me unending earthly agonizing until Your love is finally flowing freely THROUGH
a crucified me. oh Lord don't let me meet You emptyhanded.

2.15.2013 NOT IGNORANT OF his SCHEMES - II CORINTHIANS 2.11

i am getting more and more aware of lost moments.
after all my time here is growing very short.
the way time blows by
going to be with Jesus could happen
any nanosecond now.

in this state it is starting to become more and more apparent
that satan is CONTINUALLY active,
primarily through the thought life,
('schemes' is voAmata which literally means 'thoughts')
continually chipping away at the number of
'used for Jesus minutes'
that remain available for use.
frustrating.
jostling me gently into not laying down at 9pm
and if i say,
i'm determined!
i WILL get up at 4 anyway!
then i nod off and lose precious time.
constantly seeking to unsettle the mind,
get it OFF FOCUS
in various ways.
may You help me meet every thought, from whatever source, with the sword of the Spirit.

O Lord, what do i need? take these thoughts below and show me.. how do i walk with You continually?
1. CONSTANT PREDETERMINATION through prayer and waiting on God
a. as to how God would have me to use each moment and
b. focused to battle WITH THE WORD, if necessary, to use it that way

2. CONSTANT WATCHFULNESS
a. comparing what is going on within and around
b. to what should be going on and
c. what exactly is hindering what should be going on.
d. BATHING EVERY THOUGHT IN THE WORD
3. CONSTANT PRAYER: meditative? petitioning? enquiring? wrestling? beholding Your beauty!
4. CONSTANT CONFESSION/RENUNCIATION OF EVERY KNOWN SIN! (refuse it any place!)
5. CONSTANT OBEDIENCE
6. CONSTANT READINESS TO INSTANTLY BE FACE TO FACE WITH JESUS
therefore, gird your minds for action,
keep sober in spirit,
fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ
i peter 1.13

2.15.2013 EARLY RETIREMENT

EARLY RETIREMENT PLAN (i can start anytime i want..the sooner the better!)

1. sell ALL that you possess
2. distribute it to the poor
3. come to and follow Jesus luke 18.22
 (ie. seek FIRST His kingdom and His righteousness
warning:  if you do this you will never have any time for yourself.
warning: if you decide to rather focus on getting/increasing for yourself
getting to heaven will be impossible (have you ever tried to squeeze
a live camel through the eye of a needle?)
what do i get?
1. whatever you need to seek first God's kingdom and His righteousness matthew 6.33
2. as soon as you have done 1,2 and are busy doing 3 above,
what follows until physical death is a kIross.
this is whatever portion of time God has allotted you
that is fit and proper to the doing of what you have set about to do.
a 'season' given totally which yields fruit that remains to His eternal glory.
kind of like a 'season' to plan, another 'season' when you plow,
another 'season' when the plants grow, another 'season' to reap
and finally a 'season' to enjoy the fruits of your labor.
3. of course you have left behind you your possessions
and you have left behind your family
unless they too following the same
early retirement plan as you.
this all being true
you receive 'many times more' of the things you have gotten rid of
and 'many times more' very intimate and enriching relationships luke 18.30
than you would have had if you had not followed this plan.
4. when God wants you, you die, actually its more like falling asleep,
and you wake up looking into the loving eyes of Jesus. psalm 116. 15
(note: the only reason i haven't started yet is that i suffer from insanity
ie. choosing the insecurity, anxiety, fear and emptiness of here and not
instead of His will and...at his time His presence forever. ecclesiastes 9.3

2.14.2013 HAPPY BIRTH DAY NATE!

DEAR NATE!

happy birth day! you were an great gift from God
on that 3rd valentine's day that God gave mom and I together.
what a gift you have been to us.
You are a comfort, a strength, a joy, a blessing from God...and
we are very grateful to Him for you.

may you (and I) ASAP be radiantly with Jesus!
prayer and the desire of my heart
is that we identify ourselves with Him
and suffer for His name.
Love, dad

ps. i had a bunch of insane ravings on here
but as often happens
when i read what i have written
after a day or two
i just shake my head.
only by His grace and peace
will i have peace when i look in His eyes.
until then..brokenness and agony.
i just want to be found in Him.
i reject just mental assent, 'belief'.
there must be DO,
there must be fruit.
believe obeys...
and i don't obey well.
massive failure...frail indications of having His Life
oh but He is so real
so surpassingly precious, loving, forgiving
yet also grieved, warning, gently guiding
sometimes forbidding, making impossible!
oh changeless One, please change me.

2.11.2012 HOW TO CHOOSE A CHURCH

in the moody monthly june 1986. by gene getz (additions of mine sprinkled throu

1. do the forms and structure of the church allow for a balance in
learning the word of God,
experiencing fellowship with one another
and time with God
and sharing Christ with others?
2. is the word of God taught clearly and regularly?
3. is the word taught with variety
through verse by verse, topical, biographical and dialogue etc.
or is church locked into one particular approach?
4. is there a balance in the teaching through all parts of the bible?
5. is teaching applied to right now...
is it applied to the regular life habits, the besetting sins of the listeners?
(if the 'teacher' is not regularly out in the homes
and taking an active, ongoing interest in lives of the sheep
ie.'where they are going' spiritually speaking
he won't know what needs to be spoken to,
he won't know the sins he needs to privately or publicly reprove.)
(note: those who are hireling and not true pastors (or spiritual
brothers/sisters) regularly stay away from those
who are crying out for their spiritual concern and demonstrated love.
too often it is
'i see no evil' with hands over the eyes;
i hear no evil with hands over the ears,
so i cannot speak of any evil with my mouth.')
6. does the church consistently and systematically disciple
those who are believers?
(note: this does not refer  to mental knowledge but rather to
actual obedience in the doing. (how do i actually meditate on the word,
pray, rebuke sin in another believer...in general, do what God wants.)
7. do the structures of the church allow relationships with God
to grow naturally out of relationships with people?
8. do they allow communion to be a meaningful experience,
involving deep (and godly) relationships with other believers/unbelievers.
(note: for he who eats and drinks, eats and drinks judgment to himself,
if he does not judge (evaluate) the body (and his relationships with it)
rightly.
for this reason many among you are weak and sick and a number sleep.
(note: if every person is not in a correct relationship with every other person
it is deadly. see Jesus' concern in matthew 5.21-6 about this.)
9. is there weekly, vital, dynamic prayer taking place among the church there?
(note: is there a weekly public meeting
dedicated to nothing but real,united prayer?
(ie. pray your requests, don't tell them...others can get in touch to
find out more info and pray with you personally at other times...unless you
are all of one mind to continue the public meeting until all is spoken and
adequately prayed for as a group.)
10. is giving spontaneous, regular and joyful
meant to meet the needs of people?
(note: in other what percentage of the group's giving
goes to themselves and what percentage goes outside the group?)
11. is the music balanced between songs and hymns that teach and admonish,
that exalt and glorify God? is there a variety of musical forms
or is it locked into a culturally conditioned style?
12. do church structures allow opportunities to share Christ with others,
or are people kept so busy in church meetings and events
that they don't have time to build bridges and witness to unbelievers
and neighbors?
13.does the church allow time for members to relate informally to one another
outside the church building
or do relationships consist of attending church meetings, sitting and listening?
14. do families have time to have regular morning and evening devotions
together?
or do the regular church structures compete with family life?
15. does the church allow for freedom in form?
(note: another way to state this:
is mostly everything that bears 'official' or 'approved'
top down,
roots up
or a spirit directed intermingling not untrue to the bible?)
16.