*79 AN EXTRACT OF..WESLEY'S JOURNAL (p79-82) from Feb.1,1737-8, to his return from Germany...
1. that men revile me and say all manner of evil against me
that I am become as it were a monster unto many
that the zealous of almost every denomination cry out, 'away with such a fellow (def - partner in a joint undertaking..re $ or property) from the earth...this gives me, with regard to myself, no degree of uneasiness. for I know the scripture must be fulfilled, 'If they have called the Master of the house Beelzebub, how much more them of his household? but it does give me a concern, with regard to those who, by this artifice (def - 'craftsmanship' a clever trick) of the devil, are prevented from hearing that word which is able to save their souls.
2. for the sake of these and indeed of all who desire to her the truth of those things which have been so variously related, I have been induced to publish this farther account and i doubt not but it will even hence appear, to all candid and impartial judges, that I have hitherto lived in all good conscience toward God.
3. I shall be easily excused, by those who either love or seek the Lord Jesus in sincerity, for speaking so largely of thee Moravian Church; a city which ought to be set upon a hill. their light hath been too long hid under a bushel. if is high
*80 time it should at length break forth and 'so shine before men, that others also may glorify their Father which is in heaven.
4. if any should ask, 'But do you think even this church is perfect, without spot or wrinkle, or any such thing? I answer plainly, no; though I trust it will be, when patience has had its perfect work.' but neither do I think it right to entertain the world with the spots of God's children.
5. it has been further asked, whether I imagine God is to be found only among them. I reply, 'By no means. I know there is a God in England, and we need not go to seek Him in strange lands'. I know that in our own, He is very nigh unto all that call upon Him and therefore i think those unwise (to say no more) who run to inquire after Him in Holland or Germany.
6. when I went, the case was widely different. God had not them 'made bare His arm' before us as He hath now done; in a manner (I will be bold to say) which had not been known either in Holland or Germany at that time, when He who ordereth all things wisely, according to 'the counsel of His won will', was pleased by me to open the intercourse between the English and the Moravian Church.
7. the particular reason which obliged me to relate so much of the conversation I had with those holy men, is this: in Sept. 1738, when I returned from Germany, I exhorted all I could to follow after that great salvation, which is through faith in the blood of Christ, waiting for it, 'in all the ordinances (def - an established rite or ceremony..ie. Baptism, the Lord's Supper) of God' and in 'doing good, as they had opportunity, to all men'. and many found the beginning of that great salvation, being justified
*81 freely, having peace with God through Christ, rejoicing in hope of the glory of God and having His love shed abroad in their hearts.
8. but about Sept., 1739, while my brother and I were absent, certain men crept in among them unawares, greatly troubling and subverting their souls; tilling them they were in a delusion, that they had deceived themselves and had no true faith at all. 'for, said they, none has any justifying faith, who has ever any doubt or fear, which you know you have; or who has not a clean heart, which you know you have not, nor will you ever have it, till you leave off using the means of grace; (so called) till you leave off running to church and sacrament and praying and singing, and reading either the Bible or any other book, for you cannot use these things without trusting in them. therefor, till you leave them off, you can never have true faith. you can never till then trust in the blood of Christ.
9. and this doctrine, from the beginning to this day, has been taught as the doctrine of the Moravian Church. I think, therefor, that it is my bounden duty to clear the Moravians from this aspersion (def - damaging or derogatory remark or criticism;slander), and the more, because I am perhaps the only person now in England that both can and will do it. and I believe it is the peculiar providence of God that I can; that 2 years since the most eminent members of that Church should so fully declare both their experience and judgment, touching the very points now in question.
10 the sum of what has been asserted, as from them, is this:
a. that a man cannot have any degree of justifying faith, till he is wholly freed from all doubt and fear and till he has, in the full, proper sense, a new, a clean heart.
*82 b. that a man may not use the ordinances of God, the Lord's supper in particular, before he has such a faith as excludes all doubt and fear and implies a new, a clean heart.
in flat opposition to this, I assert,
a. that a man may have a degree of justifying faith, before he is wholly freed from all doubt and fear ..before he has, in the full, proper sense, a new, a clean heart.
b. that a man may use the ordinances of God, the Lord's Supper in particular, before he has such a faith as excludes all doubt and fear and implies a new, a clean heart.
I farther assert, 'this I learned (not only from the English, but also)from the Moravian Church.
and I hereby openly and earnestly call upon that Church, (and upon Count Zinzendorf in particular, who, I trust, is not ashamed or afraid to avow any part of the Gospel of Christ) to correct me, and explain themselves, if I have misunderstood or misrepresented them.
London, Sept 29, 1740 John Wesley
*83 2.3.1738 ..hereby I trust He hath in some measure 'humbled me and proved me and shown me what was in my heart'. hereby I have been taught to 'beware of men'. hereby I am come to know assuredly, that if 'in all our ways we acknowledge God', He will, where reason fails, 'direct our path', by lot or by the other means which He knoweth. hereby I am delivered from the fear of the sea, which I had both dreaded and abhorred from my youth.
hereby God has given me to know many of His servants; particularly those of the Church of Hernhuth. hereby my passage is opened to the writings of holy men in the German, Spanish and Italian tongues. I hope too some good may come to others hereby. all in Georgia have heard the word of God
*84 some have believed, and began to run well. a few steps have been taken towards publishing the glad tidings both to the African and American Heathens. many children have learned 'how they ought to serve God', and to be useful to their neighbour. and those whom it most concerns have an opportunity of knowing the true state of their infant colony and laying a firmer foundation of peace and happiness to many generations.
2.4 - I told my friends some of the reasons which a little hastened my return to England. they all agreed it would be proper to relate them to the Trustees of Georgia.
accordingly, the next morning I waited on Mr. Oglethorpe, but had not time to speak on that head. in the afternoon I was desired to preach at St. John the Evangelist's. I did so on those strong words, 'If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature. I was afterwards informed, many of the best in the parish were so offended, that I was not to preach there any more.
2.6 I visited many of my old friends, as well as most of my relations. I find the time is not yet come when I am to be 'hated of all men'. O may I be prepared for that day!
2.7 (a day much to be remembered.) at the house of Mr. Weinantz, a Dutch merchant, I met Peter Bohler, Schulius Richter and Wensel Neiser, just then landed from Germany. finding they had no acquaintance in England, I offered to procure them a lodging and did so near Mr. Hutton's, where i then was. and from this time I did not willingly lose any opportunity of conversing with them, while I stayed in London.
2.8 I went to Mr. Oglethorpe again, but had no opportunity of speaking as I designed. afterwards I waited on the board of Trustees, and gave them a short but plain account of the state of the colony: an account, I fear, not a little differing from those which they had frequently received before: and for which I have reason to believe some of them have not forgiven me to this day.
2.12 - I preached at st. Andrew's, Holborn, on, 'though i give all my goods to feed the poor and though I give my body to be burned and have no charity, it profiteth me nothing. O hard sayings! who can hear them? here too, it seems, I am to preach no more.
2.15 - I waited on (def - to call upon or visit) the Trustees again, and gave them in writing the substance of what I had said at the last Board.
*85 whatsoever farther questions they asked concerning the state of the province, I likewise answered to the best of my knowledge.
2.17 - I set out for oxford with Peter Bohler, where we were kindly received by Mr. Sarney, the only one now remaining here, of many who, at our embarking for america, were used to 'take sweet counsel together', and rejoice in 'bearing the reproach of Christ
2.18 -we went to Stanton-Harcourt, to Mr. Gambold, and found my old friend recovered from his mystic delusion and convinced that St. Paul was a better writer than either Tauler or Jacob Behmen. the next day I preached once more at the Castle (in Oxford) to a numerous and serious congregation.
all this time I conversed much with Peter Bohler, but i understood him not; and least of all when he said...my brother, my brother, that philosophy of yours must be purged away.
2.20 - I returned to London. on Tuesday I preached at great St. Helen's, on, 'If any man will come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.
2.22 - I was with the Trustees again, to whom I then gave a short account ( and afterwards delivered it to them in writing) of the reasons why I left Georgia.
2.26 - I preached at 6, at St. Lawrence's; at 10 , in st Catherine Cree's church; and in the afternoon, at St. John's, Wapping. I believe it pleased God to bless the first sermon most, because it gave most offence; being indeed an open defiance of that mystery of iniquity which the world calls PRUDENCE; grounded on those words of St. Paul to the Galatians, 'as many as desire to make a fair show in the flesh, they constrain you to be circumcised; only lest they should suffer persecution for the cross of Christ.
2.27 - I took coach for salisbury and had several opportunities of conversing seriously with my fellow-travellers, but endeavouring to mend the wisdom of God by the worldly wisdom of prefacing serious with light conversation, and afterwards following that advice of the Mystics, 'leave them to themselves' all I had said was written on the sand. 'Lord, lay not this sin to' my 'charge'!
2.28 - I saw my mother once more. the next day I prepared for my journey to my brother at Tiverton. but on Thursday morning, 3.2, a message that my brother
*86 Charles was dying at Oxford, obliged me to set out for that place immediately. calling at an odd house in the afternoon, I found several persons there who seemed well-wishers to religion, to whom I spake plainly; as I did in the evening, both to the servants and strangers at my inn.
with regard to my own behaviour, I now renewed and wrote down my former resolutions.
1. to use absolute openness and unreserve, with all I should converse with.
2. to labour after continual seriousness, not willingly indulging myself in any the least levity of behaviour, or in laughter, -no, not for a moment.
3. to speak no word which does not tend to the glory of god; in particular, not to talk of worldly things. others may, nay, must. but what is that to thee? and,
4. to take no pleasure which does not tend to the glory of god; thanking god every moment for all i do take, and therefore rejecting every sort and degree of it, which I feel i cannot so thank him in and for.
3.4 I found my brother at Oxford, recovering from his pleurisy; and with him Peer Bohler; by whom (in the hand of the great God) I was, on sunday, the 5th, clearly convinced of unbelief, of the want of that faith whereby alone we are saved. (foot - with the full Christian salvation)
accordingly, Monday, 6, I began preaching this new doctrine, though my soul started back from the work. the first person to whom I offered salvation by faith alone, was a prisoner under sentence of death. his name was Clifford. Peter Bohler had many times desired me to speak to him before. but I could not prevail on myself so to do; being still (as I had been many years) a zealous assertor of the impossibility of a death-bed repentance.
3.10 - Peter Bohler returned to London.
*3.14 - I set out for Manchester, with Mr. Kinchin,Fellow of Corpus Christi, and Mr. Fox, late a prisoner in the city-prison. between 5 and 6 we called at Chapel-on-the -Heath, where lived a poor man, sometime prisoner in the Castle of Oxford. he was not at home; but his wife came to us, to whom Mr. Kinchin spoke a few words, which so melted her heart, that she burst out into tears, and we went on rejoicing and praising God.
about 8, it being rainy and very dark, we lost our way but before 9, came to shipston, having rode over, I know not how, a narrow foot-bridge, which lay across a deep ditch near the town. after super I read prayers to the people of the inn and explained the second Lesson; I hope not in vain.
the next day we dined at Birmingham, and, soon after we left it, were reproved for our negligence there, (in letting those who attended us go, without either exhortation or instruction,) by a severe shower of hail. at Hedgeford, about 5, we endeavoured to be more faithful; and all who heard seemed serious and affected.
in the evening we came to Stafford. the mistress of the house joined with us in family prayer. the next morning, one of the servants appeared deeply affected, as did the ostler before we went. soon after breakfast, stepping into the stable, I spake a few words to those who were there. a stranger who heard me said, 'sir, I wish I was to travel with you'; and when I went into the house, followed me and began abruptly, 'sir, I believe you are a good man and I come to tell you a little of my life. the tears stood in his eyes all the time he spoke; and we hoped not a word which was said to him was lost.
at Newcastle, whither we came about 10, some to whom we spoke at our inn were very attentive; but a gay young woman waited on us, quite unconcerned however, we spoke on. when we went away, she fixed her eyes, and neither moved nor said one word, but appeared as much astonished as if she had seen one risen from the dead.
coming to Holms-Chapel about 3, we were surprised at being shown into a room, where a cloth and plates were laid. soon after 2 men came in to dinner. Mr. Kinchin told them, if they pleased, that gentleman would ask a blessing for them. they stared and , as it were, consented; but sat still while I did it, one of them with his hat on. we began to speak on
*88 turning to God and went on, though they appeared utterly regardless. after a while there countenances changed and one of them stole off his hat and laying it down behind him, said all we said was true; but he had been a grievous sinner, and not considered it as he ought; but he was resolved, with God's help, now to turn to Him in earnest. we exhorted him and his companion, who now likewise drank in every word, to cry mightily to God, that he would 'send them help from his holy place.
being faint in the evening, I called at Altringham and there lit upon a Quaker, well skilled in, and therefore (as I soon found) sufficiently fond of, controversy. after an hour spent therein, (perhaps not in vain,) I advised him to dispute as little as possible; but rather follow after holiness and walk humbly with his God.
late at night we reached Manchester. Friday, the 17th, we spent entirely with Mr. Clayton, by whom , and the rest of our friends here, we were much refreshed and strengthened. Mr. Hoole, the Rector of St. Ann's church, being taken ill the next day, on Sunday, 19, Mr. Kinchin and I officiated at Salford chapel in the morning , by which means Mr. Clayton was at liberty to perform the service of St. Ann's and in the afternoon I preached there on those words of St. Paul, 'if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature.
early in the morning we left Manchester, taking with us Mr. Kinchin's brother, for whom we came, to be entered at Oxford. we were fully determined to lose no opportunity of awakening, instruction, or exhorting, any whom we might meet with in our journey. at Knutsford, where we first stopped, all we spake to thankfully received the word of exhortation. but at Talk-on-the-hill, where we dined, she with whom we were, was so much of a gentlewoman, that for near an hour our labour seemed to be in vain. however, we spoke on. upon a sudden, she looked as one just awaked out of a sleep. every word sunk into her heart. now have i seen so entire a change both in the eyes , face and manner of speaking, of any one in so short a time.
about 5, Mr. Kinchin riding by a man and woman double-horsed, the man said, 'Sir, you ought to thank God it is a fair day; for if it rained, you would be sadly dirty with your little horse. Mr. Kinchin answered, 'True: and we ought to thank god for our life and health and food and raiment and
*89 all things. he then rode on, Mr. Fox following; the man said, 'sir, my mistress would be glad to have some more tali with that gentleman. we stayed and when they came up, began to search one another's hearts. they came to us again in the evening, at our inn at stone, where I explained bother to them and many of their acquaintance who were come together, that great truth, -Godliness hath the promise both of this life and of hat which is to come.
3.21 - between 9 and 10 we came to Hedgeford. just then, one was giving an account of a young woman, who had dropped down dead there the day before. this gave us a fair occasion to exhort all that were present, 'so to number' their own 'days', that they might apply their 'hearts unto wisdom'.
in the afternoon one overtook us , whom we soon found more inclined to speak than to hear. however, we spoke and spared not. in the evening we overtook a young man, a Quaker, who afterwards came to us, to our inn at Henley, whither he sent for the rest of his family, to join with us in prayer: to which I added, as usual, the exposition of the Second Lesson. our other companion went with us a mile or 2 in the morning; and then not only spoke less than the day before, but took in good part a serious caution against talkativeness and vanity
an hour after, we were overtook by an elderly gentleman, who said he was going to enter his son at Oxford. we asked, 'at what College? he said, he did not know: having no acquaintance there on whose recommendation he could depend. after some conversation, he expressed a deep sense of the good providence of god and told us, he knew god had cast us in his way, in answer to his prayer. in the evening we reached oxford rejoicing in our having received so many fresh instances of that great truth, 'In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths.
*89 3.23 I met Peter Bohler again, who now amazed me more and more, by the account he gave of the fruits of living faith, - the holiness and happiness which he affirmed to attend it. the next morning I began the greek Testament again, resolving to abide by 'the law and the testimony'; and being confident, that God would hereby show me, whether this doctrine was of God.
3.26 I preached at Whitam, on 'the new creature, and went in the evening to a society in Oxford, where, (as my manner
*90 then was at all societies,) after using a Collect or two and the Lord's prayer, I expounded a chapter in the New Testament, and concluded with 3 or 4 more collects and a psalm.
3.27 - Mr. Kinchin went with me to the Castle, where, after reading prayers and preaching on, 'it is appointed unto men once to die', we prayed with the condemned man, first in several forms of prayer and then in such words as were given us in that hour. he kneeled down in much heaviness and confusion, having 'no rest in' his 'bones, by reason of' his 'sins'. after a space he rose up and eagerly said, 'I am now ready to die. I know Christ has taken away my sins; and there is no more condemnation for me'. the same composed cheerfulness he showed, when he was carried to execution: and in his last moments he was the same, enjoying a perfect peace, in confidence that he was 'accepted in the Beloved'.
4.1 - being at Mr. Fox's society, my heart was so full that I could not confine myself to the forms of prayer which we were accustomed to use there. neither do I purpose to be confined to them any more; but to pray indifferently, with a form or without, as I may find suitable to particular occasions.
4.2 being Easter Day, I preached in our College chapel, on 'the hour cometh and now is, when the dead shall hear the voice of the son of god and they that hear shall live'. I preached in the afternoon, first at the Castle, and then at Carfax, o the same words. I see the promise; but it is afar off.
believing it would be better for me to wait for the accomplishment of it in silence and retirement, on Monday, 3, I complied with Mr. Kinchin's desire and went to him at Dummer, in Hampshire. but I was not suffered to stay here long; being earnestly pressed to come up to London, if it were only for a few days. thither, therefore, I returned, on Tuesday, 18th.
4.22 I met Peter Bohler once more. I had now no objection to what he said of the nature of faith; namely, that it is (to use the words of our Church) 'a sure trust and confidence which a man hath in god, that through the merits of Christ his sins are forgiven and he reconciled to the favour of God'.neither could I deny either the happiness or holiness which he described, as fruits of this living faith. 'the Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit that we are the children of God': and, 'He that believeth hath the witness in himself', fully convinced me of the former: as, 'whatsoever is born of
*91 God, doth not commit sin'; and, 'whosoever believeth is born of God, ' did of the latter. but I could not comprehend what he spoke of an INSTANTANEOUS WORK. I could not understand how this faith should be given in a moment: how a man could AT ONCE be thus turned from darkness to light, from sin and misery to righteousness and joy in the Holy Ghost. I searched the Scriptures again, touching this very thing, particularly the Acts of the apostles: but, to my utter astonishment, found scarce any instances there of other than instantaneous conversions; scarce any so slow as that of St. Paul, who was three days in the pangs of the new birth. I had but one retreat left; namely,'thus, I grant , God wrought in the first ages of christianity; but the times are changed. what reason have I to believe he works in the same manner now?
but on Sunday, 23, I was beat out of this retreat too, by the concurring evidence of several living witnesses; who testified, god had thus wrought in themselves; giving them in a moment such a faith in the blood of His son, as translated them out of darkness into light, out of sin and fear into holiness and happiness. here ended my disputing. i could now only cry out, 'Lord , help thou my unbelief'
I asked P. Bohler again, whether I ought not to refrain from teaching others. he said, 'No; do not hide in the earth the talent god hath given you accordingly, on Tuesday, 25, I spoke clearly and fully at Blendon to Mr. Delamotte's family, of the nature and fruits of faith. Mr. Broughton's great objection was, he could never think that I had not faith, who had done and suffered such things. my brother was very angry and told me, I did not know what mischief I had done by talking thus. and indeed, it did please God then to kindle a fire, which I trust shall never be extinguished.
on Wednesday 4.26, the day fixed for my return to Oxford, I once more waited on the Trustees for Georgia: but, being straitened for time, was obliged to leave the papers for them which I had designed to give into their own hands. one of these was the instrument whereby they had appointed me Minister of Savannah; which, having no more place in those parts, I thought it not right to keep any longer.
P. Bohler walked with me a few miles, and exhorted me not to stop short of the grace of God. at Gerard's Cross I plainly
*92 declared to those whom god gave into my hands, the faith as it is in Jesus: as I did next day to a young man I overtook on the road, and in the evening to our friends at Oxford. a strange doctrine, which some, who did not care to contradict, yet knew not what to make of; but one or 2, who were thoroughly bruised by sin, willingly heard, and received it gladly.
in the day or two following, i was much confirmed in the 'truth that is after godliness', by hearing the experiences of Mr. Hutchins, of Pembroke college, and Mrs Fox: 2 living witnesses that God CAN (at least, if he does not always) give that faith whereof cometh salvation in a moment, as lightning falling from heaven.5.1 the return of my brother's illness obliged me again to hasten to London. in the evening I found him at James Hutton's, better as to his health than i expected; but strongly averse from what he called 'the new faith'.
this evening our little society began, which after wards met in Fetter-lane. our fundamental rules were as follows:
in obedience to the command of God by St. James and by the advice of Peter Bohler, it is agreed by us,
1. that we will meet together once a week to 'confess our faults one to another and pray one for another, that we may be healed'.
2 that the persons so meeting be divided into several BANDs or companies, none of them consisting of fewer than 5 or more than 10 persons.
3. that every one in order speak as freely, plainly and concisely as he can, the real state of his hear, with his several temptations and deliverances, since the last time of meeting.
4. that all the bands have a conference at 8 every Wednesday evening, begun and ended with singing and prayer.
5. that when any new member is proposed, very one present speak clearly and freely whatever objection he has to him.
6. that when any new member is proposed, every one present speak clearly and freely whatever objection he has to him.
7. that those against whom no reasonable objection appears, be, in order for their trial, formed into one or more distinct bands and some person agreed on to assist them.
*93 8. that after 2 months' trial, if no objection then appear they may be admitted into the society.
9. that every fourth Saturday be observed as a day of general intercession.
10. that on the Sunday seven-night following be a general love-feast, from seven till ten in the evening.
11. that no particular member be allowed to act in any thing contrary to any order of the society: and that if any persons, after being thrice admonished, do not conform thereto, they be not any longer esteemed as members.
5.3 - my brother had a long and particular conversation with Peter Bohler. and it now pleased God to open his eyes; so that he also saw clearly what was the nature of that one true living faith, whereby alone, 'through grace, we are saved'.
5.4 - Peter Bohler left London, in order to embark for Carolina. O what a work hath God begun, since his coming into England! such an one as shall never come to an end, till heaven and earth pass away.
5,6 I was at Blendon. they now 'believed our report. O may 'the arm of the Lord' be speedily 'revealed unto them!
5.7 - I preached at St. Lawrence's in the morning; and afterwards at St.Katherine Cree's church. I was enabled to speak strong words at both; and was, therefore, the less surprised at being informed, I was not to preach any more in either of those churches.
5.9 -I preached at Great St. Helen's, to a very numerous congregation, on, 'He that spared not his own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, now shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? my heart was now so enlarged, to declare the love of god, to all that were oppressed by the devil, that I did not wonder in the least, when I was afterwards told, 'Sir, you must preach here no more'.
5.10 - Mr. Stonehouse, Vicar of Islington, was convinced of 'the truth as it is in Jesus'. from this time till sat. 13, I was sorrowful and very heavy; being neither able to read, nor meditate, nor sing, not pray, nor do anything. yet I was a little refreshed by Peter Bohler's letter (written in Latin), which I insert in his own words:
*94 I love you greatly and think much of you in my journey, wishing and praying that the tender mercies of Jesus Christ the Crucified, whose bowels were moved towards you more than 6,000 years ago, may be manifested to your soul: that you may taste and then see, how exceedingly the Son of God has loved you and loves you still; and that so you may continually trust in Him and FEEL HIS LIFE IN YOURSELF. BEWARE OF THE SIN OF UNBELIEF. and if you have not conquered it yet, see
*95 that you conquer it this very day, through the blood of Jesus Christ. delay not, I beseech you, to believe in YOUR Jesus Christ; but so put Him in mind of his promises to poor sinners, that He may not be able to refrain from doing for you, what He hath done for so many others. O how great, how inexpressible, how unexhausted is His love! surely He is now ready to help; and nothing can offend Him but our unbelief. ...'believe, therefore. greet in my name your brother Charles and Hall; and admonish one another to believe and then to WALK CIRCUMSPECTLY IN THE SIGHT OF GOD to fight LAWFULLY against the devil and the world and to crucify and to tread all sin under your feet, as far as you are permitted through the grace of the Second Adam, whose life exceeds the death of the first Adam and whose grace far surpasses the corruption and damnation of the first Adam.
the Lord bless you! abide in faith, love, teaching, the communion of saints; and briefly, in all which we have in the New Testament. I am, 'Your unworthy Brother, Peter Bohler....
*97 5.19 ... I preached at St. John's , Wapping, at 3 and at St. Bennett's, Paul's Wharf, in the evening. at these churches, likewise, I am to preach no more...
...Monday, Thursday and Wednesday, I had continual sorrow and heaviness in my heart: something of which I described, in the broken manner I was able, in the following letter to a friend:
'O why is it, that so great, so wise, so holy a God will use such an instrument as me! Lord, 'let the dead bury their dead! but wilt Thou send the dead to raise the dead? yea, thou sendest whom Thou wilt send and showest mercy by whom Thou wilt show mercy! Amen! be it then according to Thy will! if Thou speak the word, Judas shall cast out devils.
'I feel what you say, (though not enough) for I am under the same condemnation. I see that the whole law of God is holy, just and good. I know every thought, every temper of my soul, ought to bear God's image and superscription. but how am I fallen from the glory of God! I feel that 'I am sold under sin'. I know, that I too deserve nothing but wrath, being full of all abominations: and having no good thing in me, to atone for them or to remove the wrath of God. all my works, my righteousness, my prayers, need an atonement for themselves. so that my mouth is stopped. I have nothing to plead. God is holy, I am unholy. god is a consuming fire: I am altogether a sinner, meet to be consumed.
yet I hear a voice (and is it not the voice of God?) saying, 'Believe and thou shalt be saved. He that believeth is passed from death unto life God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life'.
O let no one deceive us by vain words, as if we had already attained this faith! (foot - that is, the proper christian faith) by its fruits we shall know. do we already feel 'peace with God', and 'the joy of the Holy Ghost?' does 'His Spirit bear witness with our spirit that we are the children of God? Alas, with mine He does not. nor, I fear, with yours. O Thou saviour of men, save us from trusting
*98 in anything but Thee! Draw us after Thee! let us be emptied of ourselves and then fill us with all peace and joy in believing; and let nothing separate us from Thy love, in time or in eternity.
what occurred on Wed.,24, I think best to relate at large, after premising what may make it the better understood. let him that cannot receive it ask of the Father of lights, that He would give more light to Him and me
1. I believe, till I was about ten years old I had not sinned away that 'washing of the Holy Ghost' which was given me in baptism; having been strictly educated and carefully taught, that I could only be saved 'by universal obedience, by keeping all the commandments of God', in the meaning of which I was diligently instructed. and those instructions, so far as they respected outward duties and sins, I gladly received and often thought of. but all that was said to me of inward obedience or holiness, I neither understood nor remembered. so that I was indeed as ignorant of the true meaning of the Law, as I was of the Gospel of Christ.
2. the next 6 or 7 years were spent at school; where, outward restraints being removed, I was much more negligent than before, even of outward duties and almost continually guilty of outward sins, which I knew to be such, though they were not scandalous in the eye of the world. however, I still read the Scriptures and said my prayers, morning and evening. and what I now hoped to be saved by, was, 1. not being so bad as other people. 2. having still a kindness for religion. and, 3. reading the Bible, going to church and saying my prayers.
3. being removed to the University for 5 years, I still said my prayers both in public and in private and read, with the Scriptures, several other books of religion, especially comments on the New Testament. yet I had not all this while so much as a notion of inward holiness; nay, went on habitually, and, for the most part, very contentedly, in some or other known sin: indeed, with some intermission and short struggles, especially before and after the holy communion, which I was obliged to receive thrice a year. I cannot well tell what I hoped to be saved by now, when I was continually sinning against that little light I had' ; unless by those transient fits of what many Divines taught me to call repentance.
*99 4. when I was about 22, my father pressed me to enter into holy orders. at the same time,
the providence of God directing me to Kempis's 'Christian Pattern'.
I began to see, that true religion was seated in the heart and that God's law extended to all our thoughts as well as words and actions.
I was, however, very angry at Kempis, for being too strict; though I read him only in Dean Stanhope's translation. yet I had frequently much sensible comfort in reading him, such as I was an utter stranger to before: and meeting likewise with a religious friend, which I never had till now,
I began to alter the whole form of my conversation and to set in earnest upon a new life.
I set apart an hour or two a day for religious retirement.
I communicated every every week.
I watched against all sin, whether in word or deed.
I began to aim at and pray so good a life' I doubted not but I was a good christian.
5. Removing soon after to another College,
I executed a resolution which I was before convinced was of the utmost importance, -shaking off at once all my trifling acquaintance.
I began to see more and more the value of time.
I applied myself closer to study.
I watched more carefully against actual sins
I advised others to be religious, according to that scheme of religion by which I modeled my own life.
but meeting now with Mr. Law's Christian Perfection and Serious Call, although I was much offended at many parts of both, yet they convinced me more than ever of the exceeding height and breadth and depth of the law of God. the light flowed in so mightily upon my soul, that every thing appeared in a new view.
I cried to God for help and resolved not to prolong the time of obeying Him as I had never done before. and by my continued endeavour to keep His whole law, inward and outward, to the utmost of my power, I was persuaded that I should be accepted of Him and that I was even then in a state of salvation.
6.in 1730 I began visiting the prisons; assisting the poor and sick in town; and
doing what other good I could, by my presence or my little fortune, to the bodies + souls of all men.
to this end I abridged myself of all superfluities, and many that are called necessities of life.
I soon became a by-word for so doing and I rejoiced that my name was cast out as evil.
the next spring I began observing the Wednesday and Friday Fasts, commonly observed in the ancient church; taking no food till 3 in the afternoon.
*100 and now I knew not how to go any farther. I diligently strove against all sin.
I omitted no sort of self-denial which I thought lawful:
I carefully used, both in public and in private, all the means of grace at all opportunities.
I omitted no occasion of doing good: I for that reason suffered evil.
and all this I knew to be nothing, unless as it was directed toward inward holiness.
accordingly this, the image of God, was what I aimed at in all, by doing his will, not my own. yet when, after continuing some years in this course, I apprehended myself to be near death, I could not find that all this gave me any comfort, or any assurance of acceptance with God. at this I was then not a little surprised; not imagining I had been all this time building on the sand, nor considering that 'other foundation can no man lay, than that which is laid' by God, 'even Christ Jesus.
7. soon after, a contemplative man convinced me still more than i was convinced before, that outward works are nothing, being alone; and in several conversations instructed me, how to pursue inward holiness, or a union of the soul with god. but even of his instructions (though I then received them as the words of God) I cannot but now observe, 1. that he spoke so incautiously against trusting in outward works, that he discouraged me from doing them at all. 2. that he recommended (as it were, to supply what was wanting in them) mental prayer, and the like exercises, as the most effectual means of purifying the soul and uniting it with God. now these were, in truth, as much my own works as visiting the sick or clothing the naked; and the union with God thus pursued, was as really my own righteousness, as any I had before pursued under another name.
8. in this refined way of trusting to my own works and my own righteousness, (so zealously inculcated by the mystic writers,) I dragged on heavily, finding no comfort or help therein, till the time of my leaving England. on shipboard, however, I was again active in outward worked; whee it pleased God in His free mercy to give me 26 of the Moravian brethren for companions, who endeavoured to show me 'a more excellent way'. but I understood it not t first. I was too learned and too wise. so that it seemed foolishness unto me. and I continued preaching and following after and trusting in, that righteousness whereby no flesh can be justified.
9. all the time I was at Savannah I was thus beating the
*101 air. being ignorant of the righteousness of Christ, which, by a living faith in Him, bringeth salvation 'to every one that believeth', I sought to establish my own righteousness; and so laboured in the fire all my days. I was not properly 'under the law'; I knew that 'the law' of god was 'spiritual; I consented to it that it was good'. yea, 'I delighted in it after the inner man'. yet was I 'carnal, sold under sin'. every day was I constrained to cry out, 'what I do, I allow not: for what I would , I do not; but what I hate, that I do. to will is' indeed 'present with me: but how to perform that which is good, I find not. for the good which I would, I do not; but the evil which I would not, that I do. I find a law, that when I would do good, evil is present with me': even 'the law in my members, warring against the law of my mind', and still 'bringing me into captivity to the law of sin'.
10. in this vile, abject state of bondage to sin, I was indeed fighting continually, but not conquering. before, I had willingly served sin; now it was unwillingly; but still I served it. I fell and rose, and fell again. sometimes I was overcome and in heaviness: sometimes I overcame and was in joy. for as in the former state, I had some foretastes of the terrors of the law, so had I in this, of the comforts of the Gospel. during this whole struggle between nature and grace, which had now continued above 10 years, I had many remarkable returns to prayer; especially when I was in trouble: I had many sensible comforts; which are indeed no other than short anticipations of the life of faith. but i was still 'under the law', not 'under grace': (the state most who are called christians are content to live and die in:)for I was only striving with, not freed from, sin. neither had I the witness of the spirit with my spirit, and indeed could not; for I 'sought it not by faith, but as it were by the works of the law'.
11. in my return to England, Jan. 1738, being in imminent danger of death, and very uneasy on that account, I was strongly convinced that the cause of that uneasiness was unbelief; and that the gaining a true, living faith was the 'one thing needful' for me. but still I fixed not this faith on its right object: I meant only faith in God, not faith in or through Christ. again, I knew not that I was wholly void of this faith; but only thought, I had not enough of it. so that when Peter Bohler, whom God prepared for me as soon as I came to London,
*102 affirmed of true faith in Christ, (which is but one,) that it had those 2 fruits inseparably attending it, 'Dominion over sin, and constant Peace from a sense of forgiveness', I was quite amazed, and looked upon it as a new Gospel if this was so, it was clear I had not faith. but I was not willing to be convinced of this. therefore, I disputed with all my might and laboured to prove that faith might be where these were not; especially where the sense of forgiveness was not: for all the Scriptures relating to this I had between long since taught to construe away; and to call all Presbyterians who spoke otherwise. besides, I well saw, no one could, in the nature of things, have such a sense of forgiveness and not FEEL it. but I felt in not. if then there was no faith without this, all my pretensions to faith dropped at once.
12. when I met Peter Bohler again, he consented to put the dispute upon the issue which I desired, namely, Scripture and experience. I first consulted the Scripture. but when I set aside the glosses of men and simply considered the words of God, comparing them together, endeavouring to illustrate the obscure by the plainer passages; i found they all made against me and was forced to retreat to y last hold, 'that experience would never agree with the LITERAL INTERPRETATION of those scriptures. nor could I therefore allow it to be true, show me such at any time; if i desired it, the next day. and accordingly the next day he came again with three others, all of whom testified, of their own personal experience, that a true living faith in Christ is inseparable from a sense of pardon for all past, and freedom from all present, sins. they added with one mouth, that this faith was the gift, the free gift of God; and that he would surely bestow it upon every soul who earnestly and perseveringly sought it. I was now thoroughly convinced; and, y the grace of God, I resolved to seek it unto the end,
1. by absolutely renouncing all dependence, in whole or in part, upon my own works or righteousness; on which I had really grounded my hope of salvation, though I knew it not, from my youth up. 2. by adding to the constant use of all the other means of grace, continual prayer for this very thing, justifying, saving faith, a full reliance on the blood of Christ shed for ME; a trust in Him, as MY Christ, as MY sole justification, sanctification and redemption.
*103 13. I continued thus to seek it, (though with strange indifference, dullness and coldness and unusually frequent relapses into sin,) till Wed., 5.24. I think it was about 5 this morning, that I opened my testament on those words, ...'there are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises, even that ye should be partakers of the divine nature'. II Pet. 1.4 just as I went out, I opened it again on those words, 'Thou art not far from the kingdom of God'. in the afternoon I was asked to go to St. Paul's. the anthem was, 'out of the deep have i called unto thee, O Lord: Lord, hear my voice. O let Thine ears consider well the voice of my complaint. If Thou, Lord wilt be extreme to make what is done amiss, O Lord, who may abide it? for there is mercy with Thee; therefore shalt Thou be feared. O Israel, trust in the Lord: for with the Lord there is mercy and with Him is plenteous redemption. and He shall redeem Israel from all his sins'.
14. in the evening I went very unwillingly to a society in Aldersgate Street, where one was reading Luther's preface to the Epistle to the Romans. about a quarter before 9 while he was describing the change which God works in the heart through faith in Christ, I felt my heart strangely warmed. i felt I did trust in Christ, Christ alone for salvation: and an assurance was given me, that he had taken away MY sins, even MINE, and saved ME from the law of sin and death.
15 I began to pray with all my might for those who had in a more especial manner despitefully used me and persecuted me. I the testified openly to all there, what I now first felt in my heart. but it was not long before the enemy suggested, 'this cannot e faith; for where is thy joy? then was I taught, that peace and victory over sin are essential to faith in the Captain of our salvation: but that, as to the transports of joy that usually attend the beginning of it especially in those who have mourned deeply. God sometimes giveth, sometimes withholdeth the, according o he counsels of His own will.
16 after my return home, I was much buffeted with temptations; but cried out, and they fled away. they returned again and again. I as often lifted up my eyes and He 'sent me help from His holy place. and herein I found the difference between this and my former state chiefly consisted. I was
*104 striving, yea, fighting with all my might under the law, as well as under grace. but then I was sometimes, if not often, conquered; now, I was always conqueror.
4.25 - the moment I awaked, 'Jesus, master', was in my heart and in my mouth; and I found all my strength lay in keeping my eye fixed upon Him and my soul waiting on Hm continually. being again at st. Paul's in the afternoon, I could taste the good word of God in the anthem, which began, 'My song shall be always of the loving kindness of the Lord: with my mouth will I ever be showing forth Thy truth from one generation to another. yet the enemy injected a fear, 'if thou dost believe, why is there not a more sensible change? I answered, (yet not I,) 'that I know not. but this I know, I have now peace with God. and I sin not today and Jesus my master has forbid me to take thought for the morrow.
18. 'but is not any sort of fear, continued the tempter, 'a proof that thou dost not believe? I desired my Master to answer for me; and opened His Book upon those words of St. Paul, 'without were fightings, within were fears. then, inferred I, well may fears be within me; but i must go on, and tread them under my feet.
4.26 - my soul continued in peace, but yet in heaviness because of manifold temptations. I asked Mr. Telchig, the Moravian, what to do. he said, 'You must not fight with them, as you did before, but flee from them the moment they appear and take shelter in the wounds of Jesus'. the same I truly waiteth still upon god: For of Him cometh my salvation; he verily is my strength and my salvation, hew is my defense, so that I shall not greatly fall. O put your rust in Him always, ye people; pour out your hearts before him; for God is our hope.
4.27 - believing one reason of my want of joy was want of time for prayer, I resolved to do no business till i went to church in the morning, but to continue pouring out my heart before Him. and this day my spirit was enlarged; so that though I was now also assaulted by many temptations, I was more than conqueror, gaining more power thereby to trust and to rejoice in God my Saviour.
*105 4.28 - I waked in peace, but not in joy. in the same even, quiet state I was till the evening, when i was roughly attacked in a large company as an enthusiast, a seducer and a setter-forth of new doctrines. by the blessing of God, I was not moved to anger, but after a clam and short reply went away; though not with so tender a concern as was due to those who were seeking death in the error of their life.
this day I preached in the morning at St. George's Bloomsbury, on, 'this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith' and in the afternoon at the chapel in Lorn-Acre, on god's justifying the ungodly; -the last time (I understand ) I am to preach at either. 'not as i will, but as Thou wilt'.
4.29 - I set out for Dummer with Mr. Wold, one of the first-fruits of Peter Bohler's ministry in England. I was much strengthened by the grace of god in him: yet was his state so far above mine, that I was often tempted to doubt whether we had one faith. but without much reasoning about it I held here: 'though his be strong and mine weak, yet that God hath given some degree of faith even to me, I know by its fruits. for I have CONSTANT PEACE; - not one uneasy thought. and I have FREEDOM FROM SIN; - not one unholy desire.
yet on wednesday did I grieve the spirit of God, not only by not WATCHING UNTO PRAYER, but likewise by speaking with sharpness instead of tender love, of one that was not sound in the faith. immediately god hid His face and i was troubled; and in this heaviness I continued till the next morning, 6.1: when it pleased God, while I was exhorting another, to give comfort to my soul and (after I had spent some time in prayer) to direct me to those gracious words, 'having therefore boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith. let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; ( for He is faithful that promised;) and let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works.
6.3 I was so strongly assaulted y one of my old enemies, that I had scarce strength to open my lips or even to look up for help. but after I had prayed, faintly, as I could, the temptation vanished away.
6.4 was indeed a feast-day. for from the time of my rising till past one i the afternoon, I was praying, reading the Scriptures, singing praise, or calling sinners to repentance. all
*106 these days I scarce remember to have opened the Testament, but upon some great and precious promise. and I saw more than ever, that the Gospel is in truth but one great promise, from the beginning of it to the end.
6.6 - I had still more comfort and peace and joy; on which I fear I began to presume: for in the evening I received a letter from Oxford which threw me into much perplexity. it was asserted therein, 'that no doubting could consist with the least degree of true faith: that whoever at any time felt any doubt or fear, was not WEAK IN FAITH, but had NO FAITH at all: and that none hath any faith, till the law of the Spirit of life has made him WHOLLY free from the law of sin and death.
begging of God to direct me, I opened my testament on I Cor. 3.1 etc. where St. Paul speaks of those whom he terms 'babes in Christ,' who were 'not able to bear strong meat' nay (in a sense) carnal'; to whom nevertheless he says, 'ye are God's building, ye are the temple of God'. surely then these men had some degree of faith; though, it is plain, their faith was but weak.
6.7 - I determined, if God should permit to retire for a short time into Germany. I had fully proposed, before I left Georgia, so to do, if it should please god to bring me back to Europe. and I now clearly saw the time was come. my weak mind could not bear to be thus sawn asunder. and i oped the conversing with those holy men who were themselves living witnesses of the full power of faith, and yet able to bear with those that are weak, would be a means, under God, of so establishing my soul, that i might go on from faith to faith, and 'from strength to strength'.
*109 6.28 - ...I was a little surprised to observe, that neither in this, nor in any other of the Romish churches where I have been, is there, properly speaking, any such thing as joint worship; but one prays at one shrine or altar and another at another, without any regard to, or communication with, one another.
*110 7.6 - ...at Eckershausen...here I continually met with what I sought for, viz., living proofs of the power of faith: persons saved from inward as well as outward sin by 'the love of God shed abroad in their hearts; and from all doubt and fear, by the abiding witness of 'the Holy Ghost given unto them'.
*111 7.9 I then recollected what Peter Bohler had often said upon this head, which was to this effect. -
1. when a man has living faith in Christ, then is he justified
2. this is always given in a moment
3. and in that moment he has peace with God
4. which he cannot have without knowing that he has it
5. and being born of God, he sinneth not;
6. which deliverance from sin he cannot have without knowing that he has it.
*117 8.8 ....I had the opportunity of talking with Michael Linner, the eldest of the Moravian church, and largely with Christina David, who, under God, was the first planter of it.
4 times also I enjoyed the blessing of hearing him preach, during the few days I spent here; and every time he chose the very subject which I should have desired, had I spoken to him before. thrice he described the state of those who are 'weak in faith', who are justified, but have not yet a new clean heart; who have received forgiveness through the blood of Christ, but have not received the constant indwelling of the Holy Ghost. this stat he explained once from, 'Blessed are the poor in spirit; for theirs is the kingdom of heaven'; when he showed at large, from various Scriptures, that many are children of god and heirs of the promises, long before their hearts are softened by holy 'mourning'; before they are comforted by the abiding witness of the Spirit, melting their souls into all gentleness and 'meekness'; and much more, before they are renewed in all that 'righteousness' which they 'hungered and thirsted after' ; before they are 'pure in heart', from all self-will and sin; and 'merciful', as their 'Father which is in heaven is merciful'.
*118 ..the fourth sermon which he preached, concerning the ground of faith, made such an impression upon me, that, when I went home, I could not but write down the substance of it, which was as follows:
'the word of reconciliation which the Apostles preached, as the foundation of all they taught, was, that we are reconciled to God, not by our ow works, nor by our own righteousness, but wholly and solely by the blood of Christ.
'but you will say, 'must i not grieve and mourn for my sins? must I not humble myself before God? is not this just and right? and must I not first do this, before I can expect God to be reconciled to me? I answer, it is just and right you must be humbled before God. you must have a broken and contrite heart. but then observe, this is not your own work. do you grieve that you are a sinner? this is the work of the Holy Ghost. are you contrite? are you humbled before God? do you indeed mourn and is your heart broken within you? all this worketh the self-same Spirit.
'Observe again, this is not the foundation. it is not this by which you are justified. this is not the righteousness, this is no part of the righteousness, by which you are reconciled unto God. you grieve for your sins. you are deeply humble. your heart is broken. well; but all this is nothing to your justification. the remission of your sins is not owing to this cause, either in whole or in part. your humiliation and contrition have no influence on that. nay, observe farther, that it may hinder your justification; that is, if you build any thing upon it; if you think, 'I must be so or so contrite. I must grieve MORE, before I can be justified. understand this well. to think you must be MORE contrite, MORE humble, MORE grieved, MORE sensible of the weight of sin, before you can be justified, is to lay your contrition, your grief, your humiliation, for the foundation of your being justified, is to lay your contrition, your grief, your humiliation, for the foundation of your being justified: at least, for a part of the foundation. therefore it hinders your justification; and a hinderance it is which must be removed before you can lay the right foundation. the right
*119 foundation is, not YOUR contrition, (though that is not your own,) not YOUR righteousness; nothing of YOUR OWN; nothing that is wrought IN YOU by the Holy Ghost; but it is something WITHOUT YOU, viz., the righteousness and the blood of Christ.
'for this is the word, 'to him that believeth on God that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness. see ye not, that the foundation is nothing in us? there is no connexion between God and the ungodly. there is nothing less or more in the ungodly, to join them to God. works, righteousness, contrition? no; ungodliness only. this then do , if you will lay a right foundation. go straight to Christ with all your ungodliness. tell him, 'Thou, whose eyes are as a flame of fire searching my heart, seest that I am ungodly. I plead nothing else. I do not say, I am humble or contrite; but I am ungodly. therefore bring me to Him that justifieth the ungodly. let Thy blood be the propitiation for me. for there is nothing in me but ungodliness'.
'here is a mystery. here the wise men of the world are lost, are taken in their won craftiness. this the learned of the world cannot comprehend. it is foolishness unto them: sin is the only thing which divides men from god. sin (let him that heareth understand) is the only thing which unites them to God; that is, the only thing which moves the lamb of God to have compassion upon, and, by His blood, to give them access to the Father.
'this is the 'word of reconciliation' which we preach. this is the foundation which never can be moved. by faith we are built upon this foundation; and this faith also is the gift of God. it is His free gift, which He now and ever giveth to every one that is willing to receive it. and when they have received this gift of God, then their hearts will melt for sorrow that they have offended Him. but this gift of God loves in the heart, not in the head. the faith of the head, learned from men or books, is nothing worth. it brings neither remission of sins, nor peace with God. labour then to believe with your whole heart. so shall you have redemption through the blood of Christ. so shall you be cleansed from all sin. so shall ye go on from strength to strength, being renewed day by day in righteousness and all true holiness.
*120 8.12 was the intercession-day, when many strangers were present, some of whom came 20 or 30 miles. I would gladly have spent my life here; but my Master calling me to labour in another part of his vineyard, on Monday, 14, I was constrained to take my leave of this happy place; Martin Dober and a few others of the brethren, walking with us about an hour. O when shall THIS Christianity cover the earth, as the 'waters cover the sea?'
*124 an extract of a letter wrote by the church of Hernhuth, to the President of Upper Lusatia, Jan. 24, 1732
1. none can be ignorant of the religion of our ancestors, who have read the history of John Huss. some of his followers endeavoured to repel force by force. the rest, having better learned Christ, obtained leave of Georg Podibrad, King of Bohemia, to retire and live apart. retiring, accordingly, in the
*125 year 1453, to a place on the borders of Silesia and Moravia, they lived in peace, till the time of Luther and Calvin, with both of whom as with their followers, they maintained a friendly intercourse; especially when,by the providence of God, they were placed among those of either opinion.
2. in the year 1699, David Ernest Jablonsky, grandson to Amos Comenius, the last Bishop of the Moravians, was consecrated Bishop of the United Brethren in Moravia, Bohemia, and Poland, in a Synod regularly assembled. to him Count Zinzendorf signified, that several of the Moravian brethren, having escaped from the tyranny of the papists, were so joined to the Lutherans, whose doctrine they approved, as nevertheless to retain their ancient discipline...
3. it most be acknowledged that many of our ancestors, about the beginning of the Reformation, from fear of man, did not openly confess the truth: and hence it was that the Romish Pastors ore with them; being little concerned what their private opinions were. but hence it also was, that continually using dissimulation and not walking in simplicity, they were no longer fervent in spirit, as of old time, neither could they find any peace to their souls.
4. it was in the year 1715 that a soldier of the Emperor's, lately discharged, came to Sehl, a village of which the Jesuits are lords and began to talk with Augustin Neusser and his brother. he sharply reproved their hypocrisy, in pretending to be Romanists and dissembling the true faith. yet they conferred with flesh and blood, till the year 1722, when at length they forsook all and retired into Upper Lusatia. they left 3 brothers behind them, who were soon after cast into prison and grievously persecuted by the Papists; so that as soon as ever a door was opened, they also left all and followed after, as finding no safety either for body or soul in their own country; when, about the same time, Michael and Martin Linner and the Haberlands, were driven out, with their families, after having suffered the loss of all things, for not conforming to the Romish worship and for receiving those they called heretics into their houses. (note - these people formed the church of Hernhuth in Germany with Count Zinzendorf.)
*138 Arvid Gradin, a Swede, born in Dalecarlia, spoke to this purpose: 'before I was 10 years old, I had a serious sense of religion and great fervour in prayer. this was increased by my reading much in the New Testament; but the more I read, the more earnestly I cried out, 'Either these things are not true or we are not christians'. about 16 my sense of religion began to decline, by my too great fondness for
*139 learning, especially the Oriental Tongues, wherein I was instructed by a private preceptor (def - teacher), who likewise did all that in him lay to instruct me in true Divinity.
'at 17 I went to the Univ. of Upsal, and a year or 2 after was licensed to preach. but at 22, meeting with Arndt's 'True Christianity', I found I myself was not a christian. immediately I left off preaching and betook myself wholly to philosophy. this stifled all my convictions for some years, but when i was about 27, they revived and continued the year after, when i was desired to be domestic Tutor to the children of the Secretary of State. I now felt I was 'carnal, sold under sin', and continually struggled to burst the bonds, till (being about 31) I was unawares entangled in much worldly business. this cooled me in my pursuit of holiness; yet for a year and a half my heart was never at peace. being then in a bookseller's shop, I saw the account of the Church at Hernhuth. I did not think there could be any such place and asked the bookseller if that was a real account. his answer, 'that it was no more than the plain truth', threw me into deep thought and fervent prayer, that God would bring me to that place. I went to the Secretary and told him I did not design to stay at Upsal, having a desire to travel. he said, he had a desire his son should travel, and was glad of an opportunity to send him with me. I was grieved, but knew not how to refuse any thing to my patron and benefactor. accordingly we left Upsal together and, after a year spent in several parts of Germany, went through Holland into France and so to Paris, where we spent another year. but i was more and more uneasy, till I could be disengaged from my charge, that I might retire to Hernhuth. in our return from France, my pupil's elder brother returning from Italy met us at Leipsigt. I immediately writ to his father and having obtained his consent, delivered him into his hands.
'Apr. 23, 1738..I came hither. here I was in another world. I desired nothing but to be cleansed inwardly and outwardly from sin by the blood of Jesus Christ. i found all here laying the same foundation. therefore, though I did not think with them in all points of doctrine, I waived these, and singly pursued reconciliation with God through Christ.
'On the 22d of May last. I could think of nothing but, 'He that believeth hath everlasting life. but I was afraid of
*140 deceiving myself and continually prayed I might not build without a foundation. yet I had a sweet, settled peace and for 5 days this Scripture was always in my thoughts. on the 28th those words of our Lord were as strongly impressed upon me. 'I f ye, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Ghost to them that ask Him? at the same time I was incessantly carried out to ask, that He would give me the witness of His Spirit. on the 29th I had what I asked of Him, namely, the plArofophoria pisteOs (note -fullness of faith?..then follows a paragraph that I wish I could understand.)
'Repost in the blood of Christ. a firm confidence in God and persuasion of his favour; serene peace and steadfast tranquility of mind, with a deliverance from every fleshly desire and from every outward and inward sin. in a word, my heart, which before was tossed like a troubled sea, was still and quiet and in a sweet calm.'
in the present discipline of the Church of Hernhuth, all which is alterable at the discretion of the superiors, may be observed,
I. the officers of it.
1. the Eldest of the whole Church; beside whom, there is an Eldest of every particular branch of it. there is also a distinct Eldest over the young men, and another over the boys; a female Eldest over the women in general and another over the unmarried and another over the girls.
2. the Teachers, who re four.
3. the Helpers (or Deacons)
4. the Overseers, (or Censors), 11 in number at Hernhuth.
5. the Monitors, who are 11 likewise.
6. the Almoners, eleven also.
7. the Attenders on the sick, 7 in number.
8. the Servants, or Deacons of the lowest order.
II. The division of the people of Hernhuth are divided,
1. into five male classes, viz., the little children the middle children, the big children, the young men and the married.
*141 the females are divided in the same manner. 2. into 11 classes, according to the houses where they live: and in each class is an Helper, an Overseer, a Monitor, an Almoner, and a Servant.
3. into about 90 bands, each of which meets twice at least, but most of them 3 times a week, to 'confess their faults one to another and pray for one another, that they may be healed.
III. the Rulers of the Church, that is, the Elders, Teachers, Helpers, have a conference every week, purely concerning the state of souls, and another concerning the institution of youth. beside which, they have one every day, concerning outward things relating to the Church.
the Overseers, the Monitors, the Almoners, the Attenders on the sick, the Servants, the Schoolmasters, the young men, and the children, have likewise each a conference once a week relating to their several offices and duties.
once a week also is a conference for strangers; at which any person may be present and propose any question or doubt which he desires to have resolved.
in Hernhuth is taught reading, writing, arithmetic, Latin Greek, Hebrew, French, English, History and Geography.
there is a Latin, French and an English lecture every day, as well as an historical and geographical one. on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, is the Hebrew lecture; the Greek on Tuesday and Thursday.
in the Orphan house the larger children rise at five. (the smaller between 5 and 6) after a little private prayer they work till 7. then they are at school till 8, the hour of prayer; at 9, those who are capable of it learn latin; at 10, french; at 11 they all walk; at 12, they dine all together and work till 1; at 1, they work and learn writing; at 3 arithmetic; at 4, history; at 5, they work; at 6, sup and work; at 7, after a time spent in prayer, walk; at 8 the smaller children go to bed, the larger to the public service. when this is ended , they work again till at 10 they go to bed.
IV. every morning, at 8, is singing and exposition of Scripture; and commonly short prayer.
at 8 in the evening, there is commonly only mental prayer (foot - this is unscriptural; note - i'm not sure what this is...'silent' prayer?)joined with the singing and expounding.
*142 the faithful afterwards spend a quarter of an hour in prayer, and conclude with the kiss of peace.
on Sunday morning the Service begins at 6; at 9, the Public Service at Bertholdsdorf; at 1, the Eldest gives separate exhortations to all the members of the Church, divided into 14 little classes for that purpose, spending about a quarter of an hour with each class; at 4, begins the Evening Service at Bertholdsdorf, closed by a conference in the church; at 8, is the usual Service; after which the young men, singing praises round the town, conclude the day.
on the first Saturday in the month the Lord's supper is administered. from 10 in the morning till two, the Eldest speaks with each communicant in private, concerning the state of his soul; at 2, they dine, then wash one another's feet; after which they sing and pray; about 10, they receive in silence without any ceremony and continue in silence till they part at 12.
one the second Saturday is the solemn prayer-day for the children: the third is the day of general intercession and thanksgiving; and on the fourth is the great monthly conference of all the superiors of the Church...
bottom 142-148 is an extract of the constitution of the church of the Moravian Brethren at Hernhuth, laid before the theological order at Wirtemberg, in the year 1733 ...which starts out,
1. they have a Senior, or Eldest, who is to assist the Church by his counsel and prayers, and to determine what shall be done in matters of importance. of him is required that he be well experienced in the things of God and witnessed to by all for holiness of conversation....and gives the details of the group at that time.
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