2.8.2014 GEORGE WHITEFIELD'S JOURNALS - coming to faith in Christ

this is his account of life up to age 21 which focuses on his personal salvation through Jesus Christ...
parentheses mark portions excised by whitefield for contemporary publication...
which portions were put back in for a future edition.

am attempting to read with an eye to the development of the character, the life of Christ within.
put in capitals things that i noted about whitefield
that seemed worthy of personal notice as well as contemplation and/or emulation.

i was born in gloucester, in the month of december, 1714.
(my father and mother kept the Bell Inn.
the former died when i was 2 years old;
the latter is now alive
(this journal was written in 1739)
and has often told me how she endured 14 weeks' sickness after she brought me into the world;
but was used to say, even when i was an infant,
that she expected more comfort from me than any other of her children.
this, with the circumstance of my being born in an inn,
has been often of service to me in exciting my endeavours
to make good my mother's expectations,
and so follow the example of my dear saviour,
who was born in a manger belonging to an inn.

my very infant years must necessarily not be mentioned;
yet i can remember such EARLY STIRRINGS OF CORRUPTION IN MY HEART
AS ABUNDANTLY CONVINCES ME THAT
I WAS CONCEIVED AND BORN IN SIN;
that in me dwelleth no good thing by nature
and that if God had not freely prevented me by His grace,
i must have been for ever banished from His divine presence).

i can truly say I WAS FROWARD FROM MY MOTHER'S WOMB.
I WAS SO BRUTISH AS TO HATE INSTRUCTION
AND USED PURPOSELY TO SHUN ALL OPPORTUNITIES OF RECEIVING IT.
i can date SOME VERY EARLY ACTS OF UNCLEANNESS.
(i soon gave pregnant proofs of AN IMPUDENT TEMPER.)
LYING, FILTHY TALKING  and FOOLISH JESTING i was much addicted to,
even when very young).
sometimes I USED TO CURSE, IF NOT SWEAR.
STEALING from my mother i thought no theft at all
and used to make no scruple of taking money out of her pocket before she was up.
i have FREQUENTLY BETRAYED MY TRUST
and have more than once spent money i took in the house,
in buying fruits, tarts etc, to satisfy MY SENSUAL APPETITE.
NUMBERS OF SABBATHS I HAVE BROKEN
AND GENERALLY USED TO BEHAVE MYSELF VERY IRREVERENTLY IN GOD'S HOUSE.
MUCH MONEY I HAVE SPENT IN PLAYS AND
IN THE COMMON ENTERTAINMENTS OF THE AGE.
CARDS AND READING ROMANCES, were my heart's delight.
often have i joined with others in PLAYING ROGUISH TRICKS,
but was generally, if not always, happily detected.
for this, i have often since and do now bless God.

IT WOULD BE ENDLESS TO RECOUNT THE SINS AND OFFENCES OF MY YOUNGER DAYS.
they are more in number than the hairs of my head.
my heart would fail me at the remembrance of them,
was i not assured that my Redeemer liveth,
ever to make intercession for me.
however the young man in the gospel might boast
how he had kept the commandments from his youth,
with shame and confusion of face i confess that i have broken them all from my youth.
whatever foreseen fitness for salvation others may talk of and glory in,
i disclaim any such thing.
if i trace myself from my cradle to my manhood, i can see nothing in me
but a fitness to be damned.
(i speak the truth in Christ, i lie not.)
if the Almighty had not prevented me by His grace
and wrought most powerfully upon my soul,
quickening me by His free Spirit when dead in trespasses and sins,
i had now either been sitting in darkness
and in the shadow of death,
or condemned,
as the due reward of my crimes,
to be for ever lifting up my eyes in torments.

but such was the free grace of God to me,
that though corruption worked so strongly in my soul
and produced such early and bitter fruits,
yet i can recollect VERY EARLY MOVINGS
OF THE BLESSED SPIRIT UPON MY HEART
sufficient to satisfy me that God loved me with an everlasting love
and separated me even from my mother's womb,
for the work to which He afterwards was pleased to call me.

I HAD SOME EARLY CONVICTIONS OF SIN
and once, i remember when some persons (as they frequently did)
made it their business to tease me,
i immediately retired to my room and kneeling down, with many tears,
prayed over that psalm wherein david so often repeats these words-
'but in the name of the Lord will i destroy them'.
i was always fond of being a clergyman,
used frequently to imitate the ministers reading prayers, etc.
part of the money i used to steal from my parent i gave to the poor
and some books i privately took from others, for which i have since restored fourfold,
i remember were books of devotion.

my mother was very careful of my education and always kept me in my tender years
(for which i can never sufficiently thank her)
from intermeddling in the least with the public business.

about the tenth year of my age, it pleased God to permit my mother to marry a second time.
it proved what the world would call an unhappy match as for temporals,
but God overruled it for good.
(it set my brethren upon thinking more than otherwise they would have done
and made an uncommon impression upon my own heart in particular.)

when i was about twelve, i was placed at a school called St. mary de crypt, in gloucester,
-the last grammar school i ever went to.
having a good elocution and memory,
i was remarked for making speeches before the corporation at their annual visitation.
but i cannot say i felt any drawings of God upon my soul for a year or two,
saving that i laid out some of the money that was given me on one of those forementioned occasions,
in buying Ken's Manual for Winchester Scholars
-a book that had much affected me when my brother used to read it in my mother's troubles,
and which, for some time after i bought it, was of great benefit to my soul.

during the time of my being at school,
i was very fond of reading plays and have kept from school for days together
to prepare myself for acting them.
my master seeing how mine and my schoolfellows' vein ran,
composed something of this kind for us himself
and caused me to dress myself in girls' clothes,
which i had often done, to act a part before the corporation.
the remembrance of this has often covered me with confusion of face
and i hope will do so, even to the end of my life.

(and i cannot but here observe, with much concern of mind,
how this way of training up youth has a natural tendency
to debauch the mind, to raise ill passions and to stuff the memory with things
as contrary to the gospel of Jesus Christ, as light to darkness, heaven to hell.
however, though the first thing i had to repent of was my education in general,
yet i must always acknowledge my particular thanks are due to my master,
for the great pains he took with me and his other scholars,
in teaching us to speak and write correctly'.

before i was 15, having , as i thought, made a sufficient progress in the classics
and, at the bottom, longing to be set at liberty from the confinement of a school,
i one day told my mother, 'since her circumstances would not permit her
to give me an university education,
more learning i thought would spoil me for a tradesman;
and therefore, i judged it best not to learn latin any longer'.
she at first refused to consent, but my corruptions soon got the better of her good nature.
hereupon, for some time i went to learn to write only.
but my mother's circumstances being much on the decline and being tractable
(easily managed or controlled) that way,
i from time to time began to assist her occasionally in the public house,
till at length put on my blue apron and my snuffers,
washed mops, cleaned rooms and in one word, became professed and common drawer
for nigh a year and a half.

(but He who was with david when he was following the sheep big with young, was with me even here.
for) notwithstanding i was thus employed in a common inn and
had sometimes the care of the whole house upon my hands,
\yet i composed two or three sermons and dedicated one of them in particular to my elder brother.
one time, i remember, i was much pressed to SELF EXAMINATION
and found myself very unwilling to look into my heart.
FREQUENTLY I READ THE BIBLE when sitting up at night.
seeing the boys go by to school has often cut me to the heart.
and a dear youth, now with God, would often come entreating me,
when serving at the bar, to go to oxford.
my general answer was, 'i wish i could'.

after i had continued about a year in this servile employment,
my mother was obliged to leave the inn.
my brother, who had been bred up for the business, married;
whereupon all was made over to him
and i, being accustomed to the house,
it was agreed that continue there as an assistant.
(but God's thoughts were not as our thoughts.
by His good providence) it happened that my sister in law and i could by no means agree
(and at length the resentment grew to such a height,
that my proud heart would scarce suffer me to speak to her for three weeks together. 
but notwithstanding i was much to blame, yet i used to retire and weep before the Lord,
as hagar when flying from her mistress sarah-little thinking that God by this means
was forcing me out of the public business
and calling me from drawing wine for drunkards,
to draw water out of the wells of salvation for the refreshment of His spiritual israel).

after continuing for a long while under this burden of mind,
i at length resolved, thinking my absence would make all things easy, to go away.
accordingly, by the advice of my brother and consent of my mother,
i went to see my elder brother then settled at bristol.

HERE GOD WAS PLEASED TO GIVE ME GREAT FORETASTES OF HIS LOVE
and fill me with such unspeakable raptures,
particularly once in st. john's church, that i was carried out beyond myself.
I FELT GREAT HUNGERINGS AND THIRSTINGS AFTER THE BLESSED SACRAMENT,
and wrote many letters to my mother, telling her i would never go into the public employment again.
thomas a kempis was my great delight
and i was always impatient till the bell rang to call me to tread the courts of the Lord's house.
but in the midst of these illuminations something surely whispered, 'this will not last'.

and indeed, so it happened.
for -oh that i could write it in tears of blood!-when i left bristol, as i did in about two months
and returned to gloucester, i changed my devotion with my place.
alas! all my fervour went off:
i had no inclination to go to church or draw nigh unto God.
in short, my heart, though i had so lately tasted of His love,
was far from Him.

however, i had so much religion left, as to persist in my resolution not to live in the inn
and therefore my mother gave me leave, though she had but a little income,
to have a bed upon the ground and live at her house, till providence should point out a place for me.

having now, as i though, nothing to do,
it was a proper season for satan to tempt me.
much of my time i spent in reading plays and in sauntering from place to place.
i was careful to adorn my body,
but took little pains to deck  and beautify my soul.
evil communications with my old schoolfellows soon corrupted my good manners.
by seeing their evil practices, the sense of the divine presence i had vouchsafed unto me
insensibly wore off my mind
and i at length fell into abominable secret sin,
the dismal effects of which i have felt and groaned under ever since.

BUT GOD, WHOSE GIFTS AND CALLINGS ARE WITHOUT REPENTANCE,
WOULD LET NOTHING PLUCK ME OUT OF HIS HANDS.
though i was continually doing despite to the Spirit of grace.
he saw me with pity and compassion, when lying in my blood.
He passed by me;
He said unto my, LIVE
and even gave me some foresight of His providing for me.

one morning, as i was reading a play to my sister, said i.
'sister, God intends something for me which we know not of.
as i have been diligent in business,
i believe many would gladly have me for an apprentice,
but every way seems to be barred up,
so that i think God will provide for me some way or other that we cannot apprehend'.

how i came to say these words i now not.
God afterwards showed me they came from Him).
having thus lived with my mother for some considerable time,
a young student, who was once my schoolfellow and then a servitor of pembroke college, oxford,
came to pay my mother a visit.
amongst other conversation, he told her how he had discharged all college expenses that quarter
and received a penny.
upon that my mother immediately cried out,
'this will do for my son'.
then turning to me, she said, 'will you go to oxford, george?'
i replied, 'with all my heart'.
whereupon, having the same  friends that this young student had,
my mother, without delay, waited on them.
they promised their interest to get me a servitor's place in the same college.
she then applied to my old master, who much approved of my coming to school again.

in about a week i went and re entered myself,
(and being grown much in stature, my master addressed me thus:
'i see, george, you are advanced in stature,
but your better part must needs have gone backwards'.
this mad me blush.
he set me something to translate into latin
and though i had made no application to my classics for so long a time,
yet i had but one inconsiderable fault in my exercises.
this, i believe, somewhat surprised my master then
and has afforded me matter of thanks and praise ever since.

being resettled at school, i spared no pains to go forward in my book).
God was pleased to give me His blessing
and i learned much faster than i did before.
but all this while I CONTINUED IN SECRET SIN
and at length, got acquainted with such a set of debauched, abandoned, atheistical youths,
that if God by His free, unmerited and especial grace, had not delivered me out of their hands,
i should have long since sat in the scorner's chair, (and made a mock at sin).
by KEEPING COMPANY WITH THEM, my thoughts of religion grew more and more like theirs.
i went to public service only to make sport and walk about.
i took pleasure in their lewd conversation.
i began to reason as they did,
(and to ask why God had given me passions and not permitted me to gratify them?
not considering that God did not originally give us these corrupt passions
and that He had promised help to withstand them,
if we would ask it of Him.
in short, i soon made a great proficiency in the school of the devil.
i affected to look rakish (a rake is a dissolute and profligate person)
and was in a fair way of being as infamous as the worst of them.

but, oh stupendous love!
God even here stopped me, when running on in a full career to hell.
for, just as i was upon the brink of ruin,
He gave me such a distaste of their principles and practices,
that i discovered them to my master, who soon put a stop to their proceedings.

being thus delivered out of the snare of the devil,
i began to be more and more serious,
and felt God at different times in particular,
as i was coming downstairs and overheard my friends speaking well of me,
God so deeply convicted me of hypocrisy,
that though i had formed frequent but ineffectual resolutions before,
yet i had then power given me over my secret and darling sin.
notwithstanding, some time after being overtaken in liquor,
as i have been twice or thrice in my lifetime,
satan gained his usual advantage over me again,
-an experimental proof to my poor soul,
how that wicked one makes use of men as machines,
working them up to just what he pleases,
(when by intemperance they have chased away the Spirit of God from them.).

being now near the seventeenth year of my age,
i was resolved to prepare myself for the holy sacrament, which i received on christmas day.
i began now to be more and more watchful over my thoughts, words and actions.
i kept the following lent, fasting wednesday and friday thirty six hours together.

my evenings, when i had done waiting upon my mother,
were generally spent in ACTS OF DEVOTION,
READING Drelincourt on Death, and other PRACTICAL BOOKS
and i constantly WENT TO PUBLIC WORSHIP TWICE A DAY
being now upper boy, by God's help i made some reformation amongst my schoolfellows.
i was very diligent in reading and learning the classics and in studying my greek testament,
but was not yet convinced of the absolute unlawfulness of playing at cards
and of reading and seeing plays,
though i began to have some scruples about it.

near this time i dreamed that i was to see God on mount sinai, but was afraid to meet Him.
this made a great impression upon me:
and a gentlewoman to whom i told it, said,
'george, this is a call from God'.

still i grew more serious after this dream;
but yet hypocrisy crept into every action.
as once i affected to look more rakish,
i now strove to appear more grave than i really was.
however, an uncommon concern and alteration was visible in my behaviour
and i often used to find fault with the lightness of others.

one night, as i was going on an errand for my mother,
an unaccountable, but very strong impression maw made upon my heart that
i should preach quickly.
when i cam home, i innocently told my mother what had befallen me,
but she, like joseph's parents, when he told them his dream,
turned short upon me, crying out,
'what does the boy mean?
prithee hold thy tongue', or something to that purpose.
God has since shown her from whom that impression came.

for a twelve month, i went on in a round of duties,
RECEIVING THE SACRAMENT MONTHLY
FASTING FREQUENTLY, ATTENDING CONSTANTLY ON PUBLIC WORSHIP
AND PRAYING OFTEN MORE THAN TWICE A DAY IN PRIVATE. ,
one of my brothers used to tell me, he feared this would not hold long
and that i should forget all when i cam to oxford.
this caution did me much service, for it set me upon praying for perseverance
and under God, the preparation i made in the country
was a preservative against the manifold temptations
which beset me at my first coming to that seat of learning.

being now near 18 years old, it was judged proper for me to go to the University.
God had (sweetly) prepared my way.
the friends before applied to recommended me to the master of pembroke college.
another friend took up 10 pounds upon bond,
which i have since repaid, to defray the first expense of entering
and the master, contrary to all expectations, admitted me servitor immediately.

soon after my admission i went and resided and found my having been used to a public house
was now a service to me
for many of the servitors being sick at my first coming up,
by my diligent and ready attendance, i ingratiated myself into the gentlemen's favour so far,
that many, who had it in their power, chose me to be their servitor.

this much lessened my expense and indeed, God was so gracious,
that with the profits of my place, and some little presents made me by my kind tutor,
for almost the first three years i did not but all my relations together to above 24 pounds expense.
(and it has often grieved my soul to see so many young students
spending their substance in extravagant living
and thereby entirely unfitting themselves for the prosecution of their studies.)

i had not been long at the university,
before i found the benefit of the foundation i had laid in the country for a holy life.
i was quickly solicited to join in their excess of riot with several who lay in the same room.
God, in answer to prayers before put up, gave me grace to withstand them
and once in particular, it being cold, my limbs were so benumbed by sitting alone in my study,
because i would not go out amongst them,
that i could scarce sleep all night.
but i soon found the benefit of not yielding:
for when they perceived they could not prevail,
they let me alone as a singular odd fellow.

(all this while i was not fully satisfied of the sin of playing cards and reading plays,
till GOD upon a fast day WAS PLEASED TO CONVINCE ME.
for, taking a play, to read a passage out of it to a friend,
God struck my heart with such power, that i was obliged to lay it down again
and blessed by His name, i have not read any such book since.

before i went to the university, i met with mr. LAW'S 'SERIOUS CALL TO A DEVOUT LIFE,
but had not then money to purchase it.

soon after my coming up to the university, seeing a small edition of it in a friend's hand,
i soon procured it.
God worked powerfully upon my soul, as He has since upon many others,
by that and his other excellent treatise upon CHRISTIAN PERFECTION.

I NOW BEGAN TO PRAY AND SING PSALMS THRICE EVERY DAY,
BESIDES MORNING AND EVENING
AND TO FAST EVERY FRIDAY
AND TO RECEIVE THE SACRAMENT at a parish church near our college
and at the castle, where the despised methodists used to receive once a month.

the young men so called were then much talked of at oxford.
i had heard of and loved them before i came to the university
and so strenuously defended them when i heard them reviled by the students,
that they began to think that i also in time should be one of them.

for above a twelvemonth my soul
LONGED TO BE ACQUAINTED WITH SOME OF THEM
and I WAS STRONGLY PRESSED TO FOLLOW THEIR GOOD EXAMPLE,
when i saw them go through a ridiculing crowd to receive the holy eucharist at st. mary's.
at length, God was pleased to open a door.
it happened that a poor woman in one of the workhouses had attempted to cut here throat,
but was happily prevented.
upon hearing of this and knowing that both the mr. wesleys were ready to every good work,
i sent a poor apple woman of our college to inform mr. charles wesley of it,
charging her not to discover who sent her.
she went; but, contrary to my orders, told my name.
he having heard of my coming ot the castle and a parish church sacrament
and having met me frequently walking by myself, followed the woman when she was gone away
and sent an invitation to me by her, to come to breakfast with him the next morning.

I THANKFULLY EMBRACED THE OPPORTUNITY;
(and, blessed be God! it was one of the most profitable visits i ever made in my life.
my soul, at that time, was athirst for some spiritual friends to lift up my hands when they hung down
and to strengthen my feeble knees.
he soon discovered it and like a wise winner of souls, made all his discourses tend that way.
and when he had) put into my hands
PROFESSOR FRANCKE'S treatise AGAINST THE FEAR OF MAN
(and a book, entitled, THE COUNTRY PARSON'S ADVICE TO HIS PARISHIONERS)
(the last of which was wonderfully blessed to my soul) i took my leave)'

in a short time he let me have another book, entitled,
THE LIFE OF GOD IN THE SOUL OF MAN (note: by scougal, i believe);
(and, though i had fasted, watched and prayed and received the sacrament so long,
yet i never knew what true religion was,
till God sent me that excellent treatise by the hands of my never to be forgotten friend).

at my first reading it, i wondered what the author meant by saying,
"that some falsely placed religion in going to church
doing hurt to no one,
being constant in the duties of the closet
and now and then reaching out their hands to give alms to their poor neighbours',
'alas! though i, if this be not true religion, what is?'
God soon showed me; for in reading a few lines further,
that 'true religion was
UNION OF THE SOUL WITH GOD AND CHRIST FORMED WITHIN US,'
A RAY OF DIVINE LIGHT WAS INSTANTANEOUSLY DARTED IN UPON MY SOUL
AND FROM THAT MOMENT, BUT NOT TILL THEN,
DID I KNOW THAT I MUST BE A NEW CREATURE.

upon this, (like the woman of samaria, when Christ revealed Himself to her at the well)
I HAD NO REST (IN MY SOUL) TILL I WROTE LETTERS TO MY RELATIONS,
TELLING THEM THERE WAS SUCH A THING AS THE NEW BIRTH.
i imagined they would have gladly received it.
but alas! my words seemed to them as idle tales.
they thought that i was going beside myself
and by their letters, confirmed me in the resolutions i had taken not to go down into the country,
but continue where i was, lest that, by any means the good work which God had begun in my soul might be made of none effect.

from time to time mr. wesley PERMITTED ME TO COME TO HIM
and INSTRUCTED ME AS I WAS ABLE TO BEAR IT
BY DEGREES he INTRODUCEd me TO THE REST OF his CHRISTIAN BRETHREN
THEY BUILT ME UP DAILY IN THE KNOWLEDGE AND FEAR OF GOD
AND TAUGHT ME TO  ENDURE HARDNESS LIKE A GOOD SOLDIER OF JESUS CHRIST.

i now began, like them, to LIVE BY RULE
and to PICK UP THE VERY FRAGMENTS OF MY TIME,
that not a moment of it might be lost.
whether i ate or drank or whatsoever i did, i endeavoured to
DO ALL TO THE GLORY OF GOD.
like them having no weekly SACRAMENT, although the Rubric required it, at our own college,
I RECEIVED EVERY SUNDAY at Christ church.
i joined with them in keeping the stations by fasting wednesdays and fridays
(and LEFT NO MEANS UNUSED,
WHICH I THOUGHT WOULD LEAD ME NEARER TO JESUS CHRIST.

REGULAR RETIREMENT, morning and evening, at first i found some difficulty in submitting to;
but it soon grew profitable and delightful.
as i grew ripe for such exercises, i was from time to time)
ENGAGED TO VISIT THE SICK AND THE PRISONERS
AND TO READ TO THE POOR PEOPLE,  till i made it a custom, as most of us did,
to spend an hour every day in doing acts of charity.

the course of my studies i soon entirely changed.
whereas before, i was busied in studying the dry sciences
and books that went no farther than the surface,
i now resolved to READ ONLY SUCH AS ENTERED INTO THE HEART OF RELIGION
and WHICH LED ME DIRECTLY INTO AN EXPERIMENTAL KNOWLEDGE OF JESUS
...and Him crucified.
(the lively oracles of God were my soul's delight.
THE BOOK OF THE DIVINE LAWS WAS SELDOM OUT OF MY HAND
i MEDITATED therein day and night
and since that, God has made my way signally prosperous and given me abundant success.

God enabled me to do much good to many, as well as to receive much from the despised methodists
and made me INSTRUMENTAL IN CONVERTING ONE who is lately come into the church
and, i trust, will prove a burning and shining light.

several short fits of illness was God pleased to visit and to try me with
after my first acquaintance with mr. wesley.
my new convert was a help meet for me in those and in all other circumstances;
and, in company with him, and several other christian friends,
did i spend many sweet and delighful hours.
never did persons, i believe, strive more earnestly to enter in at the strait gate.
they kept their bodies under even to an extreme.
they were dead to the world and willing to accounted as the dung and offscour8ing of all things,
so that they might win Christ.
their hears glowed with the love of God and they never prospered so much in the inward man,
as when they had all manner of evil spoken against them falsely without.

MANY CAME AMONGST THEM FOR A WHILE,
WHO, IN TIME OF TEMPTATION, FELL AWAY.
the displeasure of a tutor or Head of a College,
the changing of a gown from a lower to a higher degree
-above all, a thirst for the praise of men,
more than that which cometh from God and a servile fear of contempt
-caused numbers that had set their hand to the plough, shamefully to look back.
the world and not themselves, gave them the title of methodists,
i suppose, from their custom of regulating their time
and planning the business of the day every morning.
mr. john and charles wesley, were two of the first that thus
openly dared to confess Christ
and they, under God, were the spiritual fathers of most of them.
they had the pleasure of seeing the work of the Lord prosper in their hands
before they went to georgia.
since their return, the small grain of mustard seed has sprung up apace.
it has taken deep root.

A BRIEF AND SUMMARY ACCOUNT OF MY TEMPTATIONS

AT MY FIRST SETTING OUT, in compassion to my weakness,
I GREW IN FAVOR BOTH WITH GOD AND MAN.
and USED TO BE MUCH LIFTED UP WITH SENSIBLE DEVOTION,
especially at the blessed sacrament.
but when religion began to take root in my heart
and I WAS TOTALLY  CONVINCED MY SOUL MUST TOTALLY BE RENEWED
ERE IT COULD SEE GOD,
I WAS VISITED WITH OUTWARD AND INWARD TRIALS.)

THE FIRST THING I WAS CALLED TO GIVE UP WAS
what the world calls MY FAIR REPUTATION.
i had no sooner received the sacrament publicly on a week day at St. mary's,
but i was set up as a mark for all the polite students that knew me to shoot at.
(by this they knew that i was commenced Methodist;
for though there is a sacrament at the beginning of every term,
at which all, especially the seniors, are by statute, obliged to be present,
yet so dreadfully has that once faithful city played the harlot,
that very few masters and no undergraduates but the methodists, attended upon it.

MR. CHARLES WESLEY, whom i must always mention with the greatest deference and respect,
WALKED WITH ME TO CONFIRM (make (more) firm; add strength to settle or establish firmly) ME,
from the church even to the college.
i confess, to my shame, i would gladly have excused him;
and the next day, going to his room, one of our fellows passing by,
i was ashamed to be seen to knock at his door.
but, blessed by God! THIS FEAR OF MAN GRADUALLY WORE OFF.
as i had imitated nicodemus in his cowardice, so, by the divine assistance, i followed him in his courage.
I CONFESSED THE METHODISTS MORE AND MORE PUBLICLY every day.
i WALKED OPENLY WITH THEM and chose rather to bear contempt with those people of God,
THAN ENJOY THE APPLAUSE OF ALMOST CHRISTIANS for a season.)

soon after this, i incurred the displeasure of THE MASTER OF THE COLLEGE,
who frequently chid and once THREATENED TO EXPEL ME,
if i ever visited the poor again.
being surprised at this treatment, and overawed by his authority,
i spake unadvisedly with my lips and said, if it displeased him, i would not.
my conscience soon pricked me for this sinful compliance.
i immediately repented and visited the poor the first opportunity
(and told my companions, if ever i was called to a stake for Christ's sake,
i would serve my tongue as archbishop cranmer served his hand, 
(note: the one he used to sign a type of rejection of Christ in order to save his life.)
viz. make that burn first.)

MY TUTOR, being a moderate man, did not oppose me
(much, but THOUGHT, i believe,that I WENT A LITTLE TOO FAR .
he lent me books, gave me money, visited me and furnished me with a physician when sick.
in short, he behaved in all respects like a father; and i trust God will remember him for good,
in answer to the many prayers i have put up in his behalf.

MY RELATIONS WERE QUICKLY ALARMED AT THE ALTERATION OF MY BEHAVIOUR,
CONCEIVED STRONG PREJUDICES AGAINST ME and , for some time, counted my life madness.)
I DAILY UNDERWENT SOME CONTEMPT AT COLLEGE.
SOME HAVE THROWN DIRT AT ME; OTHERS, BY DEGREES,
TOOK AWAY MY PAY(as a servitor) FROM ME
AND TWO FRIENDS, that were dear unto me, grew shy of and forsook me,
(when they saw me resolved to deny myself, take up my cross daily and follow Jesus Christ.
but our Lord, by His Spirit, soon convinced me that i must know no one after the flesh
and i soon found that promise literally fulfilled,
'that no one hath left father or mother, brethren or sisters, houses or lands, for Christ's sake and the gospel's,
but he shall receive a hundredfold in this life, with persecutions, as well as eternal life in the world to come'.

these, though little, were USEFUL TRIALS.
THEY INURED (accustom, toughen, harden) ME TO CONTEMPT, LESSENED SELF LOVE
AND TAUGHT ME TO DIE DAILY'.
my inward sufferings were of a more uncommon nature.
(satan seemed to have desired me in particular to sift me as wheat.
God permitted him, for wise reasons i have seen already,
viz. that His future blessings might not prove my ruin.

from my first awakenings to the divine life,
i FELT A PARTICULAR HUNGERING AND THIRSTING AFTER
THE HUMILITY OF JESUS CHRIST.
night and day i PRAYED to be a partaker of that grace,
imagining that the habit of humility would be instantaneously infused into my soul.
but as gideon taught the men of succoth with thorns, so GOD, if i am yet in any measure
blessed with true poverty of spirit,
TAUGHT IT ME BY THE EXERCISE OF STRONG TEMPTATIONS.

i observed before how i used to be favoured with SENSIBLE DEVOTION;
those) comforts were SOON WITHDRAWN
and A HORRIBLE FEARFULNESS AND DREAD PERMITTED TO OVERWHELM MY SOUL
(one morning in particular, rising from my bed, i felt an unusual impression and weight upon my breast,attended with inward darkness.
i applied to my friend, mr. charles westley.
he advised me to keep upon my watch and referred me to a chapter in kempis.

in a short time PERCEIVED THIS LOAD GRADUALLY INCREASE,
till it almost weighed me down and fully convinced me that
satan had as real possession of and power given over, my body, as he had once over Job's.)
ALL POWER OF MEDITATING OR EVEN THINKING WAS TAKEN FROM ME.
MY MEMORY QUITE FAILED ME.MY WHOLE SOUL WAS BARREN AND DRY
and i would fancy myself to be like nothing so much as a man locked up in iron armour.

WHENEVER I KNELT DOWN I FELT GREAT HEAVINGS (foot: 'pressures') in my body
AND HAVE OFTEN PRAYED UNDER THE WEIGHT OF THEM
TILL THE SWEAT CAME THROUGH ME.
(at this time, satan used to terrify me much, and threatened to punish me
if i discovered his wiles.
it being my duty, as servitor, in my turn to knock at the gentlemen's rooms by ten at night,
to see who were in their rooms, i though THE DEVIL would appear to me every stair i went up.
and he SO TROUBLED ME when i lay down to rest,
that FOR SOME WEEKS I SCARCE SLEPT ABOVE THREE HOURS AT A TIME.)

God only knows how many nights i have lain upon my bed GROANING under the weight i felt,
(and BIDDING SATAN DEPART FROM ME IN THE NAME OF JESUS.)
WHOLE DAYS AND WEEKS HAVE I SPENT IN LYING PROSTRATE ON THE GROUND
(AND BEGGING FOR FREEDOM FROM THOSE PROUD HELLISH THOUGHTS
THAT USED TO CROWD IN UPON AND DISTRACT MY SOUL.
but God made satan drive out satan;
for these thoughts and suggestions created such a self abhorrence within me,
that I NEVER CEASED WRESTLING WITH GOD, till He blessed me with a victory over them.
SELF LOVE, SELF WILL, PRIDE AND ENVY
so buffeted me in their turns,
that I WAS R-E-S-O-L-V-E-D EITHER TO DIE OR CONQUER.
i wanted to see sin as it was, but feared, at the same time, lest the sight of it should terrify me to death.

whilst my inward man was thus exercised, my outward man was not unemployed.
i soon found what a slave i had been to my sensual appetite
and now resolved to get the mastery over it by the help of Jesus Christ.)
accordingly, by degrees, i began to leave off eating fruits and such like
and gave the money i usually spent in that way to the poor.
afterward, i always chose the worst sort of food, though my place furnished me with variety.
i fasted twice a week.
my apparel was mean.
i thought it unbecoming a penitent to have his hair powdered.
i wore woolen gloves, a patched gown and dirty shoes (foot: 'therefore looked upon myself as very humble)
and (though i was then convinced that the kingdom of God did not consist in meats and drinks,
yet i RESOLUTELY PERSISTED IN THESE VOLUNTARY ACTS OF SELF DENIAL,
because i FOUND THEM GREAT PROMOTERS OF THE SPIRITUAL LIFE.)

for MANY MONTHS, i went on IN THIS STATE,
(faint, yet PURSUING and traveling along IN THE DARK,
in hope that the Star i had before once seen, would hereafter appear again.
during this season I WAS VERY ACTIVE )
but FINDING PRIDE CREEPING IN
AT THE END OF ALMOST EVERY THOUGHT, WORD AND ACTION
and meeting with CASTANIZA'S SPIRITUAL CONFLICT in which he says,
'that he that is employed in mortifying his will was as well employed
as though he were converting indians' or words to that effect,
satan so imposed upon my understanding,
that he persuaded me to shut myself up in my study,
till i could do good (with a single eye,)
lest, in endeavouring to save others, as i did now, i should, at last,
by pride and self complacence,
lose myself.

(HENCEFORWARD (SATAN) TRANSFORMED HIMSELF INTO AN ANGEL OF LIGHT
and worked so artfully, that i IMAGINED THE GOOD, and not the evil spirit
SUGGESTED TO ME EVERYTHING THAT I DID.

HIS MAIN DRIFT WAS TO LEAD ME INTO A STATE OF QUIETISM
(extinction of the will, withdrawal from worldly interests and passive meditation on God/divine things),
(he generally ploughed with God's heifer)
and when the Holy Spirit put into my heart good thoughts or convictions,
he always DROVE THEM TO EXTREMES.
for instance, having out of pride, put down in my diary what i gave away,
satan tempted me to lay my diary quite aside.
castaniza advised to talk but little,
satan said i must not talk at all.
so that i, who used to be the most forward in exhorting my companions,
have sat whole nights almost without speaking at all.
again, when castaniza advised to endeavour after a silent recollection and waiting upon God,
satan told me  i must leave off all forms and not use my voice in prayer at all.
the time would fail me to recount all the instances of this kind in which he had deceived me.
but WHEN MATTERS CAME TO AN EXTREME,
GOD ALWAYS SHOWED ME MY ERROR,
and by His Spirit, pointed out a way for me to escape.

the devil also sadly imposed upon me in the matter of my college exercises
whenever i endeavoured to compose my theme, i had no power to write a word,
nor so much as tell my christian friends of my inability to do it
saturday being come, which is the day the students give up their compositions,
it was suggested to me that i must go down into the Hall and confess i could not make a theme,
and so publicly suffer, as if it were for my Master's sake.
when the bell rung to call us, i went to open the door to go down stairs,
but feeling something give me a violent inward check, i entered my study
and continued instant (prompt, immediate) in prayer, waiting the event.
for this my tutor fined me half a crown.
the next week satan served me in like manner again;
but now having got more strength and perceiving no inward check, i went into the Hall.
my name being called, i stood up and told my tutor i could not make a theme.
i think he fined me a second time; but imagining that i would not willingly neglect my exercise,
he afterwards called me into the Common Room,
and kindly enquired whether any misfortune had befallen me
or what was the reason i could not make a theme. 
i burst into tears and assured him that it was not out of contempt of authority,
but that i could not act otherwise.
then, at length he said, he believed i could not;
and when he left me, told a friend, as he very well might, that he took me to be really mad.
this friend hearing from my tutor what had happened,
came to me, urging the command of scripture, to be subject to the higher powers.
i answered, 'yea; but i had a new revelation'.
Lord, what is man?

as i daily got strength, by continued, though almost silent, prayer, in my study,
MY TEMPTATIONS GREW STRONGER also,
PARTICULARLY FOR TWO OR THREE DAYS BEFORE DELIVERANCE CAME.).

near five or six weeks i had now spent in my study, except when i was obliged to go out.
DURING THIS TIME I WAS FIGHTING WITH MY CORRUPTIONS
AND DID LITTLE ELSE BESIDES KNEELING DOWN BY MY BEDSIDE,
feeling, as it were, a heavy pressure upon my body,
as well as an unspeakable oppression of mind,
YET OFFERING UP MY SOUL TO GOD,
TO DO WITH ME AS IT PLEASED HIM.
it was now suggested to me, that Jesus Christ was amongst the wild beasts
when He was tempted and that i ought to follow His example;
and being willing, as i thought, to imitate Jesus Christ,
after supper i went into Christ Church Walk, near our college
and continued in silent prayer under one of the trees (for near tow hours,
sometimes lying flat on my face, sometimes) kneeling upon my knees,
(all the while filled with fear and concern lest some of my brethren should be overwhelmed with pride.
the night being stormy, it gave me awful thoughts of the day of judgment.
i continued, i think) till the great bell rung for retirement to the college,
not without finding some reluctance in the natural man against staying so long in the cold.

(the next night i repeated the same exercise at the same place.
but the hour of extremity being now come,
God was pleased to make an open show of those diabolical devices by which i had been deceived.)

by this time, i had left off keeping my diary, using my forms, or scarce my voice in prayer,
visiting the prisoners, etc.
nothing remained for me to leave, unless i forsook public worship,
but my religious friends.
now it was suggested that i must leave them also for Christ's sake.
this was a sore trial; but rather than not be, as i fancied, Christ's disciple,
i resolved to renounce them, though as dear to me as my own soul.
accordingly, the next day being wednesday, whereon we kept one of our weekly fasts,
instead of meeting with my brethren as usual,
i went out into the fields and prayed silently by myself.
our evening meeting i neglected also and went not to breakfast, according to appointment,
with mr. charles wesley the day following.
this, with many other concurring circumstances, made my honoured friend, mr. charles wesley
suspecting more that ordinary was the matter.
he came to my room, (soon found out my case,) apprised me of my danger if i would not take advice
and recommended me to his brother john, fellow of lincoln college,
as more experienced (in the spiritual life.)
God gave me-(blessed by his Holy Name)-a teachable temper,
i waited upon his brother, with whom from that time i had the honour of growing intimate.
he advised me to resume all my externals, though not to depend on them in the least.
from time to time he gave me directions as my (various an) pitiable state required;
(and, at length, by his excellent advice and management of me, under God,
i was delivered from those wiles of satan.
praise the Lord, o my soul, and all that is within me praise his Holy name!)

DURING THIS AND ALL OTHER SEASONS OF TEMPTATION
MY SOUL WAS inwardly SUPPORTED WITH GREAT COURAGE AND RESOLUTION from above.
every day God made me willing to renew the combat,
and though my soul, when quite empty of God,
was very prone to seek satisfaction in the creature
and sometimes i fell into sensuality,
yet i was generally enabled to wait in silence for the salvation of God
or to persist in prayer,
till some beams of spiritual light and comfort were vouchsafed me from on high.
thomas a kempis, since translated and published by mr. john wesley;
costaniza's Combat
and the GREEK TESTAMENT
EVERY READING OF WHICH I ENDEAVOURED TO TURN INTO PRAYER,
were of great help and furtherance to me.
on receiving the holy sacrament, especially before trials,
i have found grace in a very affecting manner and in abundant measure,
sometimes imparted to my soul
-an irrefragable proof to me of the miserable delusion of the author of that work called,
The Plain Account of the Sacrament,
which sinks that holy ordinance into a bare memorial, who,
if he obstinately refuse the instruction of the Most High,
will doubtless, without repentance, bear his punishment, whosoever he be).

to proceed-i had now taken up my externals again
(and though satan for some weeks had been biting my heel,
God was pleased to show me that i should soon bruise his head).
a few days after,as i was walking along, i met with a poor woman,
whose husband was then in bocardo, or oxford town-gaol, (which i constantly visited).
seeing her much discomposed, i enquired the cause.
she told me, not being able to bear the crying of her children,
ready to perish for hunger and having nothing to relieve them,
who had been to drown herself, but was mercifully prevented
and said she was coming to my room to inform me of it.
i gave her some immediate relief
and desired her to meet me at the prison with her husband in the afternoon.
she came and there God visited them both by His free grace.
she was powerfully quickened from above
and when i had done reading, he also came to me like the trembling gaoler
and grasping my hand, cried out, 'i am upon the brink of hell!'
from this time forward, both of them grew in grace.
God, by his providence, soon delivered him from his confinement.
though notorious offenders against God and one another before,
yet now they became help meet for each other in the great work of their salvation.
they are both now living and, and, i trust,
will be my joy and crown of rejoicing in the great day of our lord Jesus.

soon after this, (the holy season of ) lent came on,
which our friends kept very strictly, eating no flesh during the six weeks,
except on saturdays also and ate nothing on the other days, except sunday,
but sage-tea without sugar and coarse bread/
i constantly walked out in the cold mornings till part of one of my hands was quite black.
this, with my continued abstinence and inward conflicts, at length so emaciated my body, that,
at passion week,finding i could scarce creep upstairs,
i was obliged to inform my kind tutor of my condition, who immediately sent for a physician to me.

this cause no small triumph amongst the collegians, who began to cry out,
'what is his fasting come to now?'
(but i rejoiced in this reproach, knowing that, though i had been imprudent and lost much of my flesh,
yet, i had nevertheless increased in the Spirit.)

(this fit of sickness continued upon me for seven weeks and a glorious visitation it was.
the blessed Spirit was all this time purifying my soul.
all my former gross and notorious and even my heart sins also,
were now set home upon me,
of which i wrote down some remembrance immediately
and confessed them before God morning and evening.
though weak, i often spent two hours in my evening retirements
and prayed over my greek testament and bishops hall's most excellent Contemplations,
every hour that my health would permit.)
about the end of the seven weeks,
(and after i had been groaning under an unspeakable pressure both of body and mind for about twelvemonth,
God was pleased to set me free in the following manner.
one day, perceiving an uncommon drought and a disagreeable clamminess in my mouth
and using things to allay my thirst, but in vain,
it was suggested to me, that when Jesus Christ cried out, ' I thirst', His suffering were near at an end.
upon which i cast myself down on the bed, crying out, 'i thirst! i thirst!'
soon after this, i found and felt in myself that i was delivered from the burden
that had so heavily oppressed me.
the spirit of mourning was taken from me and i knew what it was truly to rejoice in God my saviour;
and, for some time, could not avoid singing psalms wherever i was;
but my joy gradually became more settled and, blessed by God,
has abode and increased in my soul, saving a few casual intermissions, ever since.

thus were the days of my mourning ended.
after a long night of desertion and temptation, the Star,
which i had seen at a distance before,
began to appear again
and the Day Star arose in my heart.
now did the Spirit of God take possession of my soul
and , as i humbly hope, seal me unto the day of redemption.)

FROM..FIRST LEAVING ..UNIVERSITY..TILL ..TIME OF MY ORDINATION

as fast as i got strength after my sickness, my tutor, physician, and some others
were still urging me to go into the country, hoping thereby to divert me,
as they thought, from a too intense application to religion.
(i had for some time been aware of their design
and wrote letters beseeching my mother,
if she valued my soul,
not to lay her commands on me to come down.
she was pleased to leave me to my choice;
but) finding at last it was necessary for my health
and many other providential circumstances pointing out my way,
after earnest prayer for support, by the advice of my friends, i left my sweet retirement at oxford
and went to gloucester, the place of my nativity.

(having now obtained mercy from God and received the Spirit of Adoption in my heart,
my friends were surprised to see me look and behave so cheerfully,
after the many reports they had heard concerning me.
however, i soon found myself to be as a sheep sent forth amongst wolves in sheep's clothing;
for they immediately endeavoured to dissuade me,
as they had lately done a friend that began with me,
from a constant use of the means of grace,
especially from weekly abstinence and receiving the blessed sacrament.
but God enabled me to resist them steadfast in the faith;
and, by KEEPING CLOSE TO HIM IN HIS HOLY ORDINANCES,
i was made to triumph over all.

being unaccustomed for some time to live without spiritual companions,
and finding none who would join heartily with me-no, not one
-i watched unto prayer all the day long,
BESEECHING GOD TO RAISE ME SOME RELIGIOUS ASSOCIATES
IN HIS OWN WAY AND TIME.)

'I WILL ENDEAVOUR EITHER TO FIND OR MAKE A FRIEND',
had been my resolution now for some time;
and therefore, after IMPORTUNATE PRAYER one day,
i resolved to go to the house of one mrs. W....,
to whom i had formerly read plays, spectators, pope's Homer, and such like (trifling) books
-hoping the alteration she would now find in my sentiments might, under God, influence her soul.
(God was pleased to bless the visit with the desired effect.)
she received the word gladly.
she wanted to be taught the way of God more perfectly)
and soon BECAME A FOOL FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.
not long after, God made me instrumental to awaken several young persons,
who SOON FORMED THEMSELVES INTO A LITTLE SOCIETY
and HAD QUICKLY THE HONOUR OF BEING DESPISED AT GLOUCESTER,...
THUS, ALL WHO LIVE GODLY IN CHRIST JESUS,
MUST SUFFER PERSECUTION.

my mind being now more open and enlarged, i began to
READ THE HOLY SCRIPTURES UPON MY KNEES,
LAYING ASIDE ALL OTHER BOOKS,
AND PRAYING IF POSSIBLE, EVERY LINE AND WORD.
this proved meat indeed and drink indeed, to my soul.
i daily received fresh life, light and power from above.
(I GOT MORE TRUE KNOWLEDGE FROM READING THE BOOK OF GOD IN ONE MONTH,
THAN I COULD EVER HAVE ACQUIRED FROM ALL THE WRITINGS OF MEN.
in one word,) i found it profitable for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness,
every way sufficient to make the man of God perfect,
thoroughly furnished unto every good word and work.

during my absence from oxford i a spent three weeks at bristol,
whither I WENT TO SEE SOME RELATIONS, but could not do them much good,
because of the prejudices they had conceived against me.
however, i daily walked with God and going  to visit an aunt then in an almshouse there,
God brought in my way a young woman who was hungering and thirsting after righteousness.
she received the Word into an honest and good heart,
and since has proved a true follower of Jesus Christ.
(so gracious was the Lord, even in these my very early days,
not to leave Himself without witness,
in that He THUS VOUCHSAFED (give or grant as by favor or condescension) TO BLESS
MY POOR ENDEAVOURS IN EVERY PLACE WHERETO HIS PROVIDENCE
NOW SENT ME.

according to His abundant mercy, He also raised me up some temporal supplies.
(for some considerable time, i had followed the example of professor frank
and WHENEVER I WANTED ANY WORLDLY ASSISTANCE,
PLEADED THE SCRIPTURE PROMISES
FOR THE THINGS OF THIS LIFE,
AS WELL AS THAT WHICH IS TO COME,
IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST.
THIS IS STILL MY PRACTICE
AND I NEVER YET FAILED OF SUCCESS.
when i came from oxford, on account of my sickness and other extraordinary and unavoidable expenses,
i owed, i think, about 12 or 13 pounds
and when i went to bristol, i was so poor that i was obliged to borrow money of my kind hostess
mrs. H..., with whom i lodged at gloucester
-and whose husband and family i pray God eternally to bless,
-to bear my charges on the road.
this, i bless God, did not dishearten me;
but i continued pleading the promises in the Name of Christ;
and soon after my coming to bristol, i received an answer.
for, a brother of mine coming from the sea,
God inclined him to give me 4 guineas and some other necessaries.
and when i returned to gloucester, as i did after i had continued a short time at bristol,)
THOSE I EXPECTED TO ASSIST ME, DID NOT
BUT PERSONS I NEVER SPOKE TO
AND WHO, I THOUGHT, WERE MY ENEMIES,
WERE RAISED UP TO SUPPLY MY WANTS
and fulfill that promise which i always pleaded,
'seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness
and all these things shall be added unto you.'

(oh, what sweet communion had i daily vouchsafed with God in prayer after my coming again to gloucester!
how often have i been carried out beyond myself when sweetly meditating in the fields!
HOW ASSUREDLY HAVE I FELT THAT CHRIST DWELT IN ME AND I IN HIM!
and how did i daily walk in the comforts of the Holy Ghost,
and was edified and refreshed in the multitude of peace!
not that i was always upon the mount;
sometimes a cloud would overshadow me;
but the Sun of Righteousness quickly arose and dispelled it
and i knew it was Jesus Christ that revealed Himself to my soul.

i always observed, AS MY INWARD STRENGTH INCREASED,
SO MY OUTWARD SPHERE OF ACTION INCREASED PROPORTIONABLY.)
in a short time, therefore, i began to read to some poor people twice or thrice a week.
(i likewise visited two other little societies besides my own.
and almost every day, both then and since,
HAVE FOUND THE BENEFIT OF BEING TEMPTED MYSELF,
BECAUSE THAT ALONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO GIVE PROPER ADVICE
TO THOSE THAT CAME TO ME WHEN TEMPTED.

occasionally, as business and opportunity permitted,
I GENERALLY VISITED ONE OR TOW SICK PERSONS EVERY DAY
and though silver and gold i had little of my own,
yet, IN IMITATION OF MY LORD'S DISCIPLES,
WHO ENTREATED IN THE BEHALF OF THE FAINTING MULTITUDE,
I USED TO PRAY unto Him and He, from time to time,
HE INCLINED SEVERAL THAT WERE RICH in this world
TO GIVE ME MONEY,
so that i generally had a little stock for the poor always in my hand.)
one of the poor whom i visited in this manner was called of God as at the eleventh hour.
she was a woman above threescore years old,
and i really believe, died in the true faith of Jesus Christ.

(about this time GOD WAS PLEASED TO ENLIGHTEN MY SOUL
AND BRING ME INTO THE KNOWLEDGE OF HIS FREE GRACE
AND THE NECESSITY OF BEING JUSTIFIED IN HIS SIGHT BY FAITH ALONE.
...blessed be God!
most of us have now been taught this doctrine of Christ
and i hope, shall be willing to die in the defence of it.
it is the good old doctrine of the church of england.
it is what the holy martyrs in queen mary's time sealed with their blood
and which I PRAY, IF NEED BE,
THAT I AND MY BRETHREN MAY SEAL WITH OURS.

BURKITT'S AND (MATTHEW?) HENRY'S EXPOSITIONS
were of admirable use to lead me into this and all other gospel truths.
for many months have I BEEN ALWAYS UPON MY KNEES,
TO STUDY AND TO PRAY OVER THESE BOOKS.
the Holy Spirit, from time to time,
has led me into the knowledge of divine things
and i have been directed, by watching and reading the scripture in this manner,
even in the minutest circumstances, as plainly as the jews were,
when consulting the urim and thummin at the high priest's breast.

ALLEINE'S ALARM, BAXTER'S CALL TO THE UNCONVERTED
AND JANEWAY'S LIFE,
which i read at leisure hours, much benefited me.
i bless God, THE PARTITION WALL OF BIGOTRY AND SECT RELIGION
WAS SOON BROKEN DOWN IN MY HEART;
for, as soon as the love of god was shed abroad in my soul,
I LOVED ALL OF WHATSOEVER DENOMINATION,
WHO LOVED THE LORD JESUS IN SINCERITY OF HEART. (note: AMEN!!!!!)

...at my coming to gloucester, BEING USED TO VISIT THE PRISONERS at oxford,
i prayed most earnestly that god would open a door for me to visit the prisoners here also.
quickly after, i dreamed that one of the prisoners came to be instructed by me:
and it was impressed much upon my heart.
in the morning i went to the door of the county gaol.

i knocked, but nobody came to open it.
i thought the hour was not yet come.
i waited still upon God in prayer
and in some months after came a letter from a friend at oxford,
desiring me to go to one pebworth, who had broken out of oxford gaol and was retaken in gloucester.
as soon as i read this letter, it appeared to me that my prayer was now answered.
immediately i went to the prison, assuredly gathering that the Lord called me thither.
i met with the person and finding him and some others willing to hear the word of God
and having gained leave of the keeper and two ordinaries, 
I CONSTANTLY READ AND PRAYED WITH THEM EVERY DAY I WAS IN TOWN.
I ALSO BEGGED MONEY FOR THEM,
WHEREBY I WAS ENABLED TO RELEASE SOME OF THEM
AND CAUSE PROVISION TO BE DISTRIBUTED WEEKLY AMONGST THEM,
AS ALSO TO PUT SUCH BOOKS INTO THEIR HANDS AS I JUDGED MOST PROPER....