3.18.2013 MY DEAR DAD

the following is part of a letter in which i describe something that God did for me, did in me in reference to my dad who went to heaven july 8,1998...

...i am now in the process of getting my house ready for sale.
i have been here 26 years in may
and, as i start to do this,
there are 'tugs' in the opposite direction.
the only thing to do is to keep looking to the Lord
and put my trust in Him
to help and to guide me in the whole matter.


right now i am going through all of my father's papers.
this is hard.
but it is also very good.
we never had a close relationship
and i always put the blame on Dad
Dad was not interested in me.
as i now go through his papers,
it is evident that
that was not at all the truth.
my Dad deeply loved me.

this whole process has made me reflect upon several things.
first, it causes me to see how my human heart can be so hard
and can be so blinded to what is really true.
also it has set my heart right.
i now have a good,
actually a very warm heart toward my dear departed father.
(note: for the first time since i was a small child.)
where before my heart was hard and sullen and unforgiving
toward my Dad-
in reading his notes on things
and seeing how,
although a sinful, fallen person like us all,
he was
-sometimes extremely difficult and taxing situations
-enabled to trust...
to put his trust in the Lord,
who was his only help...
i honor and esteem and am so proud of him...
and love him deeply.
i can't wait to see him.
even though he continually reached out to me,
i turned my back on him Joe.
i left him to go through the most difficult years of his life
alone.
but do you know,
i already know that he forgave me
and just continued to love and never complained.
so it will be great to be reunited with him and mom soon.

if i wasn't planning to move i would
-maybe
-never have gone through his papers
and seen how badly my wicked heart was deceiving me
....and receive God's forgiveness
and shed many tears of sorrow this last week-
overwhelming but overwhelmed now with joy.

blessed by God!
funny how He continually 'meets' me
and helps me in the many areas of my deep, dark needs.
He's so good!
i can't wait to be with Him.
hope it's soon!
well gotta go....