1.16.2013 PERSONAL PRAYER

a very meaningful verse in my life has been psalms 27.4,
'one thing have i desired of the Lord, that will i seek.
that i may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life
to behold the beauty of the Lord
and to enquire in His temple.

a little over 10 years ago my son Nate and i went up to the brooklyn tabernacle.
it was the first time either of us had been there.
they were still in their old building and it was packed.
the Lord prepared my heart by the many things i experienced that day.
before the service began the prayers of the people all over the building
sounded like an otherworldly..holy, beehive.
the message from pastor cymbala was on psalm 27.4.
at the end i joined a throng of people at the front,
many who came in response to the invitation
to ask God to make this real in their lives.
it was the only time i have ever responded to an invitation as a non-child.
the fountain of my spirit was opened
and God has made real the desire and response of my heart.

in many various situations the Lord will bring that verse to mind...
almost more than any other verse.
recently i have more and more been drawn to the phrases,
'behold the beauty of the Lord' and
'inquire in His temple'
just as the new year came this meditative habit
once more had me thinking,
especially of the second..'inquire'..
asking Him to reveal what that meant practically.
with most things that i experience that are
what i call God things,
a tidal change occurred inwardly.
i find whenever the Lord
'highlights with neon yellow' marker
or 'sticks it to the soul with velcro'.
when He does this
from then on it is a part of my life.
that is what happened just after the new year.
i began a new page to write personal prayer requests
and noticed something new at the end of a lot of them.
question marks.

this has seemed,
hopefully somewhat true,
to subtly move me a bit from the position of
'I KNOW what is needed in this situation', to
'what is needed in this situation, Lord?'
maybe He is somewhat more
realizing to me, just
how little i even know how to rightly pray,
how a gracious God is
faithfully, lovingly listening...and cares
how greatly He must yearn over my sad state
seeing me like a sheep with ripped flesh from the brambles,
cast
(an animal in such a position on the ground
that it cannot get up on its feet again)
helpless to in any way help myself,
without a shepherd,
for i have wandered away
from His care, provision and protection,
thinking i know....matthew 9.36
...and is quietly working to make me a bit
more like Himself.

may God have mercy on me and help me to do what He says.