you may have noticed that the letter i sent to you yesterday came from spaineblog.blogspot.com. i hope to send all to you from that site because i have noticed that a number of recent things i have written have disappeared from my email 'all mail' and 'all sent mail' sections. i may be doing something wrong to cause that, i don't know. but just to be sure i will send from here and maybe what i write will remain. we will see. only the word of God and my soul will last anyway so maybe i should just let everything blow away. Lord, it right now occurs that this is a good time to petition You that You would help me let go of everything that pertains to me. if there is anything in me that pertains to You that will never be destroyed. i am sensing a desire to be remembered apart from You. Lord, forgive this and change me. may i be brought to the point where all attempt to be remembered die. replace this with one simple, central desire - to do what You want, period. anyway got good news that mario is going to resurrect an old computer at church and put it in the library for anyone to make use of...it this comes about it will be joy.
work has petered out and is breathing its last today when i complete a little rust-proofing a salt spreader at church. only thing on the horizon to the end of the year is any salting and shoveling we may need done at church. the new man, full time, takes over jan. 1. i'm struggling a bit as God tries to move me toward obeying matt. 6:33 (seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things (food and clothing) shall be added unto you). the struggling is for the most part sublimated. i think back to when God put me into painting on my own two years ago. most days i was paralyzed, or near so, with fear...maybe terror would be a better description. i'm experiencing a bit a paralysis in not working a set amount of time daily on the house (my weakest area by far) but at least God has enabled me not to retreat deeply into 'roots' which nourish the self life such as reading or gluttony. oh i pray that God would move me into deep, persevering, resisting prayer as i most likely will have strong temptations in these areas in the days to come. one night He woke me up at 3 am peacefully (!) not in stark terror as i experienced two years ago...He is good! and He gave me about an hour and a half window to petition, to entreat, to supplicate before Him in some of the many spiritually weak spots. He is good! He works so gently, so considerately, so mercifully...He is good. oh i pray that He will fill my heart till i am forgotten and He is all. wow, what a long way to get to that point! but He's patient. oh Lord, don't let me presume on Your patience. oh make me quick to do what You want. make me like daniel, who when You spoke to him in a vision (i only hear You in the Word), You came to him and said, 'o daniel, a man greatly beloved, understand the words that i speak to you..for from the first day (daniel has been seeking to understand what God was saying for 21 days doing without pleasant things, mourning) that thou didst set thine heart to understand and to chasten thyself before Me and i am come'. make me seek You like daniel. make me seek You that You would produce matthew 6:33 in me etc, etc, etc!!!! Make me to eat for strength and not for drunkenness to please my pallet or soothe my bruised and weary soul. make me to, like Jesus, to do what You give me to do and not turn aside to the drug of reading or doing anything i like before i do what You want...so anyway that's where i am this week about work, no work and my response. may God do a good work in me and grant faith. Lord i believe, help Thou my unbelief.
this is the perfect time to really overcome the mountain of 54. ignoring 54 is a deep-seated sin in me. God has been moving me away from the buzz of continually being around people (the church or anyone else) to 54 -to clean it up and fix it up and to be a presence for good and for relationship with the neighbors round about. yes, so much of all my 'spiritual' activity is selfish! so God wants me to do in reference to the church in particular not what makes me feel good but what He specifically tells me to do. He wants me to fall into 54 and die so that He can bring much of His good fruit. oh HELP me follow You, Lord. so, yea, we'll see what happens at 54. may i not take a careless, whatever attitude toward what He wants.
this week end (27th) dv its lancaster for an unpainted, not-put-together scooter and a ton of food. i'm trying to buy everything i usually buy in bulk to get the 10% discount so a bunch of $ will be going out that day. i'm still thinking that before priming the metal i would like to get it modified so that i can easily fold it and carry it inside wherever my destinations will be. Lord, grant wisdom...show me the way, what to do. i need to really seek God's guidance in this but by His grace it should be a great blessing to push the scooter along the road with an organic orange in my pocket.
have been continuing to study the most common hebrew word for 'humble' that also means afflicted or in pain. as you know this is right down my ascetic alley but...hey..it's there. what do i say. got a chance to share a bit with a sister this week who is being afflicted (humbled) and trust the Lord uses this to give her grace to humble herself under His mighty hand that He may exalt her in due time. well almost out of time. have a good week. love, dad
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