9.26.2010 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!

c.s.lewis, the weight of glory...our spiritual longings..the sense that in this universe we are treated as strangers, the longing to be acknowledged, to meet with some response, to bridge some chasm that yawns between us and reality, is part of our inconsolable secret. and surely, from this point of view, the promise of glory, in the sense described, becomes highly relevant to our deep desire. for glory meant good report with God, acceptance with God, response, acknowledgment, and welcome into the heart of things. the door on which we have been knocking all our lives will open at last.

perhaps it seems rather crude to describe glory as the fact of being 'noticed' by God. but this is almost the language of the new testament. st. paul promises to those who love God not, as we should expect, that they will know Him, but that they will be known by Him (I cor. 8.3). it is a strange promise. does not God know all things at all times? but it is dreadfully re-echoed in another passage.. there we are warned that it may happen to any one of us to appear at last before the face of God and hear only the appalling words: I never knew you. depart from Me. in some sense, as dark to the intellect as it is unendurable to the feelings, we can be both banished from the presence of Him who is present everywhere and erased from the knowledge of Him who knows all. we can be left utterly and absolutely outside - repelled, exiled, estranged, finally and unspeakably ignored. on the other hand, we can be called in, welcomed, received, acknowledged. we walk every day on the razor edge between these towo incredible possibilities.

..at present we are on the outside of the world, the wrong side of the door. we discern the freshness and purity of the morning, but they do not make us fresh and pure. we cannot mingle with the spendours we see. but all the leaves of the new testament are rustling with the rumour that it will not always be so. some day..we will get in..

meanwhile the cross comes before the crown and tomorrow is a monday morning. the cleft has opened in the pitiless walls of the world and we are invited to follow our great Captain inside. the following Him is, of course, the essential point. that being so, it may be asked what practical use there is in the speculations which i have been indulging. i can think of at least one such use.

it may be possible for each to think too much of his own potential glory hereafter; it is hardly possible for him to think too often or too deeply about that of his neighbour. the load or weight or burden of my neighbour's glory should be laid daily on my back, a load so heavy that only humility can carry it and the backs of the proud will be broken.

it is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare.

all day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. it is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. there are no ordinary people. you have never talked to mere mortal.

nations, cultures, arts, civilization - these are mortal and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. but it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit - immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. this does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. we must play. but our merriment must be of that kind ( and it is , in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously - no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. and our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feelings for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner - no mere tolerance or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment..

journal and selected letters of william carey by terry g. carter

..advice to his son jabez who has just married and taken a post in another area of india..

you are now engaging in a most important undertaking in which not only you and eliza have my prayers for your success but those of all who love our Lord..and know your engagement. i know a few hints for your future conduct from a parent who loves you very tenderly..

1. pay the utmost attention at all times to the state of your own mind both towards God and man. cultivate an intimate acquaintance with your own heart, labour to obtain a deep sense of your depravity and to trust always in Christ. be pure in heart and meditate much on..God. live a life of prayer and devotedness to god. cherish every amiable and right disposition towards man. be mild, gentle and unassuming yet firm and manly. as soon as you perceive any wrong in your spirit or behaviour set about correcting it..
2. you are now a married man. be not satisfied with conducting yourself towards your wife with propriety. let love to her be the spring of your conduct towards her. esteem her highly and so act that she may be induced thereby to esteem you highly..her honor is now yours and she cannot be insulted without you being degraded...end each day in uniting together to pray and praise God...
3. behave affably and genteelly to all but not cringingly or unsteadily towards any. feel that you are a man and always act with that dignified sincerity and truth which well command the esteem of all. seek not the society of worldly men but when called to be with them act and converse with dignity and propriety...gain a good acquaintance with history, geography, man and things..a gentleman..an enlarged understanding joined to engaging manners.

4. on your arrival at amboyna your first business must be to wait on mr. martin. you should first send a note to inform him of your arrival and know when it will suit him to receive you. ask his advice upon every occasion of importance and communicate freely to him all the steps you take.

5. as soon as you are settled begin your work. get a malay who can speak a little english and with him make a tour of the islands and visit every school. encourage all you see worthy of encouragement and correct with mildness yet with firmness. keep a journal of the transactions of the schools and enter one under a distinct head therein. take account of the number of scholars, the names of the schoolmasters, compare the progress at stated periods and in short consider this the work which the Lord has given ..

6. do not, however, consider yourself as a mere superintendent of schools, consider yourself as the spiritual instructor of the people and devote yourself to their good. God has committed the spiritual interests of the islands, 20,000 men or more to you - a vast charge - but He can enable you..revise the catechisms, tracts and school books used among them and labour to introduce among them sound doctrine and genuine piety. pray with them as soon as you can and labour after a gift to preach to them..you must say little till you know something of the language and then prove to them from scripture what is the right mode of baptism and who are the proper persons to be baptised. form them into gospel churches when you meet with a few who truly fear God and as soon as you see any fit to preach to others call them to the ministry and settle them in churches..avoid indolence and love of ease and never attempt to act the part of the great and gay in this world.
7. labour incessantly to become a perfect master of the ..language. in order to do this associate with the natives, walk about with them, ask the name of everything you see and note it down. visit their houses especially when any of them are sick. every night arrange the words you get in alphabetical order. try to talk as soon as you get a few words and be as soon as possible one of them. a course of kind and attentive conduct will gain their esteem and confidence and give you an opportunity of doing much good.
8. you will soon learn from mr. martin the situation and disposition of the alfoors - an original inhabitant - and will see what can be done for them. do not unnecessarily expose your life but incessantly contrive some way of giving them the word of life..
9. ..i wish you to learn correctly the number, size and geography of the islands, the number and description of the inhabitants, their customs and manners and everything not relative to them and regularly communicate these to me.
10. i wish you to pay the minutest attention to the natural productions of the islands and regularly to send me all you can - fishes and large animals excepted - but these you must describe. you know how to send birds and insects. send as many birds of every description alive as you possibly can and also small quadrupeds, monkeys etc and always send a new supply by every ship. shells, including crabs and tortoises, etc corals, stones of every description may be put in a box but each should have a label with the malay or country name, the place where found etc. rough stones broken from the rock are preferable to such as are worn or washed round by the sea. beetles, lizards, frogs and insects may be put into a small keg of rum to arkan and will come safely.
...your great work, my dear jabez, is that of a christian minister..the church has..borne a testimony to the grace given to you and will not cease to pray for you that you may be successful in every conflict and may our hearts be mutually gladdened with accounts from each other of the triumphs of divine grace. God has conferred a great favour on you in..this ministry. take heed to it..in the Lord that thou fulfill it. we shall often meet at the throne of grace. write to me by every opportunity and tell eliza to write to your mother.

after reading this i picked up a small biography of carey out of dad's books and am using that to piece together the parts not covered or alluded to in any way in the above book. i love reading the actual words of people, though, so the journal and letters were good!

carey, who originally was a shoe maker, had a call to go to india as a missionary. he had always had an attraction to languages and to nature. both were to play a part in what happened in india. he arrived there in 1793 and was there, at serampore near calcutta until his death at least 40 years later. after arriving he and his family were brought to great extremity (his wife had lost her mind due to her great fear of water, he had recieved no $ from the baptist mission he had helped start, was living illegally - the british owned east india company did not allow missionaries in the areas under their control) in a swampy area with small children in the midst of a jungle area with many dangerous animals, etc!) before God brought help in the form of other missionaries and the purchase of a house in serampore, which was a dutch possession which encouraged missionary activity.
carey started out by putting together a dictionary and grammer for the language of bengal which led to a bengali new testament 7.5 years after arrival. the putting of the bible into the various languages of the east was really the core of his life mission there. after bengali he realized that sanskrit was the mother language of many of the languages spoken in india. so he did the same for that as he had for bengali and that was the foundation to then doing the same for a number of other languages there.
the missionaries who came joined with carey, all living in the same house with their families, in a mix of self-support and ministry. carey did languages, bible translation and became a professor at a local college where a renaissance of ancient indian literature blossomed , ward printed these and many other various pieces of evangelistic and other literature and marshman and his wife ran a school which became very popular among the europeans as well as the native populations.

it took 7 years until the first hindu convert, krishna, to confess Christ. he ate with carey and his associates in so doing breaking cast and being disowned by his family and society in general. krishna told three others about Christ and they followed him in baptism and becoming outcasts. but God used their loving witness and more and more people became christians. carey encouraged all of this and a truly indigenous (native-centered) church began to grow. finally even a few of the brahmen (highest caste) confessed Christ and many came in to Jesus.

shortly after these event carey, ward and marshman began to have many trials and difficulties. reading about all that happened both in the first several years and then after the church was established among the people resembled, in a spiritual sense , crawling thru a thicket of thorns. very painful. it was amazing to see how they continued on.

for example on march 11, 1812..a fire raced thru the printing works, burning for 3 days, leaving only a shell of blackened walls and a few documents. for hours the workers labored to quench the flames. they did prevent the fire from spreading to the mission house and the school dormitories. some of the presses were saved, title deeds to the property and a few ledgers, but almost everything else was consumed.

a stock of paper just received from england went up in the blaze, as also did new type in tamil and chinese. fonts of hebrew, greek, persian, arabic, nagari, telegu and other vernaculars were burned. similarly, valuable manuscripts containing parts of the old and new testaments in the indian languages and in the sanskrit, pages of various dictionaries and grammars and all of ..carey's dictionary of the sanskrit and its indian cognate were consumed...manuscripts..represented years of labor...(carey)..'i wish to be still and know that the Lord He is God and to bow to His will in everything. He will no doubt bring good out of this evil and make it promote His interests, but at present the providence is exceedingly dark'.

9.13.10 I LIKE OLD

1. I LIKE OLD!
i am trying to live by the old saying 'make do, do without, use it up, wear it out. first of all, let me say that as we all, in all things: i have definitely not arrived. but i am well on my way to wearing ever deepening ruts into my characteristic behaviors and hardening my habits so that these eccentricities should grow ever more eccentric as i go along.

to think of a few things:
a few years ago i looked around at the fading, flaking paint, wall paper which was letting loose in the corners, the chimney sooted walls, etc. and thot (i who once dreamed grandiose dreams of putting an 8-sided cupola coming out of the roof in which i would sit, reading a book, watching the sun set and knocking out all the walls on the first floor and putting in huge windows throughout the house), you know a lot of the stuff in this house (built around 1895) is far better quality than anything i could afford to replace it with. i'm just going to leave it all 'mature' and grow old gracefully and, hopefully, never do anything to it except in situations where it's actual integrity is being threatened in the house.
i have, over the years, saved from destruction many things. when my wife did not want to live with me anymore i said, well, take everything you can possibly need or use. i'll be fine'. she, as usual, was very gracious and left me our queen-sized bed (she just told me how to correctly flip (rotate) the bed when, after 10 years, i suddenly realized that i hadn't flipped it 'lately'!) and it is still very comfortable, despite the non-flipping, even though we bought it over 36 years ago with some wedding $. she also left my bureau and the dining room table which was my parents'. she also left the diningroom table chairs and maybe an easy chair...i don't rightly remember...and a bunch of other smaller things she had no need of. oh yea, she left me more than fully equipped in the kitchen and bath with basic items. it wasn't much but it really was all i had need of. since most of the house was empty (four bedrooms, big rooms) i started watching for stuff that was left out for the trash and i have filled the house with very serviceable and rather nice looking things. i really feel rich. in fact many of the things i have picked up, i have actually found very helpful. currently i have a barn and house full of things i didn't have to buy.besides i have a raft load of good hardwood stored in the barn upper room in case i need something for fixing up.

i have recently taken to shifting the car into neutral when on downhills and since this is a hilly area i have done a lot of gliding for the last year or so. right now i am beginning to experiment with patching clothing. just did the first patch job the other day. i wear clothing until it is no longer feasible to wear. (as a result i have probably received more clothing than i will ever wear out and have begun to turn away certain items.

2. I DON'T BORROW $.
let me hasten to state that this is only my practice since my wife left some 12 (?) years ago. about that time i took all the invested $ out of the stock market. cashed in my 401k etc. and paid off the house about 11 years into a 30 year mortgage. to be fair my wife is very astute in $ affairs and taught me much.

i had to pay another mortgage off when dividing the house with my wife. she was very fair in all $ matter. (i think this was because she knew she didn't have any allowance before God to do what she did since the only allowance (not mandate!) for divorce is sexual unfaithfulness (which i was not), mt. 5.32; 19.9, the only option being for both husband and wife to live unmarried for the rest of their lives, rom. 7.2, with the goal of being reconciled, I cor. 7.10-1. remarriage is not an option to any believer in Jesus who is married to another believer in Jesus. now if i had not been a believer (but i was, at least, a professing believer and not excommunicated from the church) AND had let my wife, it would not have been the best but she would have had the ability to remarry, I cor. 7.13-28a. so, i think she was possibly feeling guilty and thus the kindness money wise. but man, we both are as guilty as hell for what we have done and continue doing in and out of our man-legalized state of marriage. we are still husband and wife in the eyes of God until we die.)

i had to pay off a third mortgage after God brought me to repentance of stealing His tithe for years. but since that time i have borrowed nothing. romans 13.8 says, 'owe no man anything'. so i do not plan to borrow any more. if the worst would happen and i owed more than i could pay i would want to sell everything i had and give that $, find the cheapest possible way to live, wear hand-me-downs, eat bread and water (or anything cheaper i could find), pay off any balance owed and just live out the rest of life hand-to-mouth on the streets. that would be my desire and if God helped me to have enough character to do that, that would be great. if not, the closest approximation thereto possible would be the goal. no borrowing though...borrowing is the broad road to financial hell. it happens when we are unfortunate enough to find ourselves unable to deny ourselves. as socrates said, the richest man is the one who needs least. and as another said, the richest man is not the one who possesses most but the one who gives most. it is truly a glory when Jesus sets us free from our own needs and demands. may Jesus completely set me free is my prayer.

i may add that my wife and i practiced, after an early correction by a friend, living by a budget and not buying anything on credit (we made and obvious exception for the house and possibly for a car, but always the goal was to pay off ASAP). we were very poor but determined at the start to start putting away .25 a week toward a house and God, with the inflation of the early 1980's and gifting my wife made it just possible to get a clunker kind of twin...all we needed to live and raise our three children in.

3. I DON'T BUY INSURANCE.

now this is a lie in my case. that is what i would like to do if trusted God enough. think of all the centuries of human existence during which the vast majority if not all of mankind had no insurance. what did they do? in the o.t. law there was provision that if someone's property was destroyed by the negligence of another then that was to be destroyed by the one responsible.

9.12.10 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!

it is saturday afternoon. i go soon to help dick and linda stiansen move back into the washington ave. house. it's been an interesting day. earlier this week had michalak put a new battery in because of starting problem. this a.m. at ace in harleysville the car was dead again. a guy tapped on the starter and it started so maybe now i need a starter. can't complain. the car has had few problems. the battery was in it since i bought it in 01. hopefully, now that i have the smutes i can finish up the little that is left tonight. i hope to patch the flat roofs before starting to work on the iron fence. well see.

been thinking about the idea of being a slave. a servant would have some degree of 'rights' but a slave would have very little if any. i thot of the verse 'you are not your own. you were brought with a price. therefore glorify God in your body'. i don't act like a slave. i tend to still do what i want a good bit...can't even imagine what it would be like to never do what i want but only what Jesus wants.

having trouble with brita faucet filter. water sprays out when i turn it on. brita sent 3 different couplings. water still sprays. today they had sent a washer and screening unit. water still squirts. so far a number of hours have gone by in talking on the phone and trying to make what is sent work.

i've deleted quite a bit of what has been typed. this has happened for the last several weeks. i've tired of my own words as they tend to be very self-centered and many times negative and self-righteous. i used to be proud of my foam and fury. now i can barely stand to listen to myself talk....so i have recently shifted to 'other people's words'... typing, typing, typing, TYPING..endless typing...for what? so i have no interest in typing what i'm thinking or what other people are thinking. above, you have a third option: banality. nope. no can do!

what's left? maybe i could have an online bible study. naw. what has been coming to me more and more is to just shut up and do something. maybe i should give up these stupid letters altogether. i don't see that they are of any use to you guys and they are an albatross around my neck, a waste of time all around. maybe i'll just type a few words each week and that way when you see the tag you'll know i'm still breathing...also, it just occurred that soon i may not have access to these computers, so that will be the easy answer. honestly, i still like to talk, if you want, but in some way which doesn't involve either monologues, negativity or banality.

two teenage girls across from me just started talking about having sex with so and so and not with so and so. about 10 seconds was all i could take and said, 'would you girls talk about that somewhere else. that's private...at that point another man piped in with a similar comment and so far we are spared from further. another reason it would be nice to be unshackled from the computer.

so, in fin, i may or may not type something. i'll try to only type avoiding all the stuff mentioned above.

hope you have a good week. love, dad

10.5.10 MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER!

it is now tuesday evening and i have just deleted everything i wrote on sunday and hope to type and send tonight.
last week was vacation, the first i've taken other than missions trips. a person might feel that i'm always on vacation and wonder what i do all the time. by vacation here i mean the first time i said i'm going to take time off and not feel guilty about it...and i didn't...except a little around the edges. it was a reading vacation where i read quite a bit of and about st. francis as well as treating myself to another read of 'humor in c.s. lewis' by lindvall which i really enjoy. i allowed myself to buy and consume 3 redner market 5 quart ice cream containers (2 with broken cookies and 1 with a swirl of fudge running thru vanilla ice cream). so all in all it was a good week.

i had just finished a month long job on the preceding saturday which brings the 10 hour a week average to the last week of september. now i am working on patching and covering the drive with a new driveway sealer by rustoleum. what i have covered so far seems to look real good so hopefully it will last a good amount of time. next on the list will be to grind and rustproof the iron fence.

now with only 137 hours to paint (when the last job pays) my mind is going more to what comes after.. i may not begin this part until january 2011 or, if a big job comes in right away it may be much sooner. right now it seems that at least one, maybe two lots may be thrown on that day. the first would ask: do You want me to begin waving my little flag for all the murdered innocents? if that is yes then, by lot, i hope to find the starting date. if no, the second would probably ask something like: do you want me to keep 54? both of these, the first answering 'yes' or the second 'no' would be thrilling. but i am preparing myself for a 'no' and 'yes'. it often seems that God doesn't chose for us to do what we want, but rather to die to self in doing what He wants. i'm trying to learn how to be dead to everything that thrills me. He probably does not want me 'in my element' but have me be a nothing so that whatever happens He gets all the notice.

concerning st. francis, i got what is called an omnibus (web. 1. another name for a 'bus' 2. a group of writings about/by (?) one person 3. a group of things 'packaged' together...something like different legislative items put into an package to be voted on.) of the earliest sources. 2 big paperbacks containing about 150 pages of things supposedly written by francis and aboub 1400 pages of others' writings about him from the century in which he died. (he died oct. 3, 1226) i read:
1. miscellaneous eye witness accounts from the 13th century,
2. st. francis' rule for the franciscan order he founded. there were three rules: a primitive rule he wrote out when he sought pope innocent III's approval to form an order in 1209. (this is lost); the one i read was the rule of 1221 which is thot to be much like the primitive rule with some additions and changes necessitated by the thousands of men who joined the brotherhood by that time; the rule of 1223 was written in legal language to make it possible for the order to become official. it had unofficially been approved but now official church approval was necessary, especially for the order to be accepted in other countries to which the brothers went.
3. two 'lives' of st. francis written by thomas of celano, a brother who had known francis personally. the first was in1229 and the second, i believe, around 1246.
4. a life of st. francis by st. bonaventure, the 7th minister general of the order after st. francis. this was written in 1263. i don't think they were contemporaries.
5. the three companions, written by three brothers who had known francis.
6. a memoir by brother leo, who was francis secretary, confessor and a close friend, one of the earliest brothers ot join the order.

i put a lot of quotes that 'spoke to' or interested me for various reasons into two entries on the blog and was planning to make a couple more...so voluminous the number...but i had a lack of peace about this and so cut out that and any more reading i could have done this week before the interlibrary omnibus was due.

with more time and permission i would have enjoyed reading the last several things:
7. mirror of perfection
8. the little flowers of st. francis

i find that i am of a nature that tends to minuteness of focus, interest and detail. often this trait is at one time both wonderful and frustrating. following the trail further and further in is delightful and sometimes i think that i could never tire of increasingly minute and detailed examination. the frustration is that, in a real sense i never accomplish anything. that may be why i think that jail or rambling would 'fit' because my breadth or range of foci would be restricted.

spiritually, it seems that this tendency which, combined with the trait of 'buzzing around a million different blossoms', is a stumbling block. somehow i sense i need to die to or put to death these character traits...and become kind of like a servant who has no say about what he will do in a day. if this is so i pray that i will chose the servant part and let the other go.

from reading his rule and then reading multiple accounts of him i kind of felt like one who is getting to know a person better. i like francis. to me he is a model in many areas..and yet some of the catholic trappings are a bit off putting. i think there is a bit of thot going on at the subconscious level. at this point.

things that i like and are a model:
1. simplicity of dress: a woolen outer garment, trousers and a rope for a belt. (i'm not sure how the stood 'barefoot' in the snow and winter though)
2. begging food necessary for the day ('take no thot for the morrow' to him meant that he begged every day rather than stockpiling)
3. begging a place to stay for the night...and along with this never owning his own 'home'

4. telling everyone wherever he went to do penance and believe the Gospel. (that is causing a lot of thot for john the baptist and Jesus' words were 'repent and believe the Gospel'. repent with the idea of 'a change of mind' and penance with the idea of pain over sin along with the idea of a change of behavior...are they one and the same think. this was a possibly convicting needle in my heart. do i make too much excuse for myself repeating things that are wrong? was francis, on the other hand, too self-focused in all the continual penance he did which involved self-administered pain until the correct behavior was established? at this point i'm not sure.

5. never receive any money. another method of cutting away the temptation to greed. he seems to follow Jesus' first, and more stringent, commandments when He sent out the apostles...here the commandment about taking no script (a bag for holding money, food and other possessions.) francis seemed to want himself, the brothers, the observing populace, the officials of the church at large to drawn away from a life focused on the things this world has to offer which bring comfort, pleasure and no need to depend on God to a life starkly dependent on God and wholly devoted being His slave, doing what He commanded.

6. don't criticize the officials in the church who are 1. not living as a godly example in the above things and, 2. are not helping the people spiritually. francis said that the brotherhood was sent to fill in gaps, to minister in areas where ministry was obviously needed. they were to support the officials rather than to try to draw people away to themselves. God would take care of any person who did not do what they were supposed to do. i liked this because there was peace...is this the same as Jesus openly pointing out the pharisees' sins and yet not trying to move the people away from them only their misdeeds; telling them that they would be kicked out of the synagogue for confessing Him...but did not try to move them out of the synagogue or to try to change the synagogue...

7. actively help people and do good.

alot of food for thot in francis. it has been good to have a time to meet him.

well, better go here. hope you had a good holiday and have a good week. love, dad

9.3.10 THOMAS OF CELANO'S LIFE OF ST. FRANCIS (cont)

since yesterday i have finished thomas of celano's first and second lives of st. francis and have read half way through st. bonaventure's major life of st. francis. bonaventure, who was not a contemporary of francis was nevertheless called upon to write a new life for various reasons.

first, 'the person and ideal of francis emerged with great difficulty from a mounting flood of writings..in which duly attested facts ran the risk of being lost while puerile imaginings or borrowings from a doubtful source survived'. also 'the quarrel between the 'spirituals' and the 'friars of the community' needed to be cleared up. the only rule that the first friars had was the teachings of the gospel and they felt no need of anything else: 'there were few of them; they were saints of exceptional quality; they were an elite. humanly speaking, it was impossible for the thousands of friars who had become members of the franciscan family to maintain themselves at such a peak" '...and other reasons are given..

as murky and over spiritualized as i found thomas of celano's lives to be, bonaventure's account is not only crisp and readily followed but his writing, whether or not truth, i find very strengthening spiritually. so obviously i am biased in favor of the latter. but as much as i hate to do it i will attempt to here continue quotations from the former where i left off in the 9.1.10 post.

..'francis before the lord pope and the ..cardinals..standing before such great princes, after receiving their permission and blessing, he began to speak fearlessly. indeed, he spoke with such great fervor of spirit, that, not being able to contain himself for joy, when he spoke the words with his mouth, he moved his feet as though he were dancing, not indeed lustfully, but as one burning with the fire of divine love...drawing forth tears of grief..

..francis..was grieved when he saw someone poorer than himself..from a feeling of compassion. and, though he was content with a tunic that was quite poor and rough, he very frequently longed to divide it with some poor person...he would ask the rich..when the weather was cold, to give him a mantle or some furs. and when..they willingly did what he..asked..he would say..'i will accept this from you with the understanding that you do not expect ever to have it back again'. and when he met the first poor man, he would clothe him with what he had received with joy..he was accustomed to say, 'who curses a poor man does an injury to Christ, whose noble image he wears, the image of Him who made Himself poor for us in this world'.

when he found an abundance of flowers, he preached to them and invited them to praise the Lord as though they were endowed with reason. in the same way he exhorted with the sincerest purity cornfields and vineyards, stones and forests and all the beautiful things of the fields, fountains of water and the green things of the gardens, earth and fire, air and wind, to love God and serve him willingly. finally, he called all creatures brother, and in a most extraordinary manner, ..he discerned the hidden things of nature with his sensitive heart, as one who had already escaped into the freedom of the glory of the sons of God.

oh how beautiful, how splendid, how glorious did he appear in the innocence of his life, in the simplicity of his words, in the purity of his heart, in his love for God, in his fraternal charity, in his ardent obedience, in his peaceful submission, in his angelic countenance! he was charming in his manners, serene by nature, affable in his conversation, most opportune in his exhortations, most faithful in what was entrusted to him, cautious in counsel, effective in business, gracious in all things. he was serene of mind, sweet of disposition, sober in spirit, raised up in contemplation, zealous in prayer and in all things fervent. he was constant in purpose, stable in virtue, persevering in grace and unchanging in all things. he was quick to pardon, slow to become angry, ready of wit, tenacious of memory, subtle in discussion, circumspect in choosing and in all things simple. he was unbending with himself, understanding toward others , and discreet in all things.

he was a most eloquent man, a man of cheerful countenance, of kindly aspect; he was immune to cowardice, free of insolence. he was of medium height, closer to shortness; his head was moderate in size and round, his face a bit long and prominent, his forehead smooth and low; his eyes were of moderate size, black and sound; his hair was black, his eyebrows straight, his nose symmetrical, thin and straight; his ears were upright, but small; his temples smooth. his speech was peaceable, fiery and sharp; his voice was strong, sweet, clear and sonorous. his teeth were set close together, even and white; his lips were small and thin; his beard black, but not bushy. his neck was slender, his shoulders straight, his arms short, his hands slender, his fingers long, his nails extended; his legs were thin, his feet small. his skin was delicate, his flesh very spare. he wore rough garments, he slept but very briefly, he gave most generously. and because he was very humble, he showed all mildness to all men, adapting himself usefully to the behavior of all. the more holy amongst the holy, among sinners he was as one of them. (note: this reminds one of solomon and his bride describing one another in the song of songs. would that i would be this intimate, knowing, accurate and complete in my understanding of You Lord.)

..he would recall Christ's words through persistent meditation and bring to mind His deeds through the most penetrating consideration. the humility of the incarnation and the charity of the passion occupied his memory particularly, to the extent that he wanted to think of hardly anything else..
..he sang the..Gospel in a sonorous voice. and his voice was a strong voice, a sweet voice, a clear voice..
..at a certain time..francis left behind the crowds of the world that were coming together daily..to hear and see him and he sought out a quiet and secret place of solitude, desiring to spend his time there with God and to cleanse himself of any dust that may have clung to him from his association with men. it was his custom to divide up the time given him to merit grace and, as seemed necessary to him, to give part of it to working for the good of his neighbors and the rest to the blessed retirement of contemplation. he therefore took with him just the very few companions to whom his holy life was better known than it was to the rest, so that they might protect him from the invasion and disturbance of men and respect and preserve his quiet in all things..
..francis toward the end of his life had a vision of a man standing above him, like a seraph with 6 wings, his hands extended and his feet joined together and fixed to a cross. 2 wings were extended above his head, 2 were extended as if for flight and 2 were wrapped around the whole body..solicitously he thot what this vision could mean and his soul was in great anxiety to find its meaning. and while he was thus unable to come to any understanding of it..the marks of the nails began to appear in his hands and feet, just as he had seen them a little before in the crucified man above him.
his hands and feet seemed to be pierced thru the middle by nails, with the heads of the nails appearing in the inner side of the hands and on the upper sides of the feet and their pointed ends the opposite sides. the marks in the hands were round on the inner side, but on the outer side they were elongated; and some small pieces of flesh took on the appearance of the ends of the nails, bent and driven back and rising above the rest of the flesh. in the same way the marks of the nails were impressed upon the upon the feet and raised in a similar way above the rest of the flesh. furthermore, his right side was as though it had been pierced by a lance and had a wound in it that frequently bled so that his tunic and trousers were very often covered with..blood.

it was francis' custom to reveal his great secret but rarely or to no one at all, for he feared that his revealing it to anyone might have the appearance of a special affection for him, in the way in which special friends act and that he would thereby suffer some loss in the grace that was given him. he therefore carried about in his heart and frequently had on his lips..'Thy words have i hidden in my heart, that i may not sin against Thee'..he had given a sign to his brothers ..who lived with him, that whenever any lay people would come to him and he wanted to refrain from speaking with them, he would recite the aforementioned verse and immediately they were to dismiss with courtesy those who had come..for he had experienced that it is a great evil to make known all things to every one and that he cannot be a spiritual man whose secrets are not more perfect and more numerous than the things that can be read on his face and completely understood by men. for he had found some who outwardly agreed with him but inwardly disagreed with him, who applauded him to his face, but ridiculed him behind his back,who acquired credit for themselves, but made the upright suspect to him. for wickedness often tries to blacken purity, and because of a lie that is familiar to many, the truth spoken by a few is not believed.
during the course of this ..period of time francis' body began to be burdened with various and more serious sicknesses than before. for he suffered frequent infirmities in as much as he had chastised his body and brought it unto subjection during the many years. for during the space of 18 years..his body had had little or no rest while he traveled thru various very large regions so that that willing spirit..that dwelt within him might scatter everywhere tht seeds of the word of God. he filled the whole earth with the Gospel of Christ, so that often in one day he made a circuit of 4 or 5 villages or even cities, preaching the kingdom of God to every one..

..though he found it necessary to moderate his early rigor because of his infirmity, he would still say: 'let us begin, brothers, to serve the Lord God, for up to now we have made little of no progress'. he did not consider that he had laid hold of the goal as yet..he wished to go back again to serving lepers, to be held in contempt, as he once had been..

in the 6th month before..his death, while he was at siena for treatment of the infirmity of his eyes, he began to be gravely ill in all the rest of his body; and, with his stomach racked by a long-standing illness and his liver infected, he vomited much blood, so that he appeared to be approaching death..he went ..to le celle near cortona. arriving there.. his abdomen began to swell and his legs and feet too and the ailment of his stomach began to grow worse..so that he could take hardly any food.

..in earlier times..a priest had begun to give francis some special food daily and francis thot..'you will not find a priest everywhere to provide these things always for you. this is not the life of a man who professes poverty. it is not proper for you to get accustomed to such things; gradually you will return to the things you have despised and you will run again after delicacies. arise now without delay beg from door to door for foods of mixed kinds. he therefore begged for prepared foods from door to door throughout assisi and when he saw his bowl full of all kinds of scraps, he was struck with horror, but mindful of God and conquering himself, he ate the food with joy of spirit.
concerning his decision to seek papal approval of his order...he had a vision of a little black hen, whose legs and feet were covered with feathers. she had innumerable chicks which pressed close around her, but they could not all get under her wings..he arose and said, 'the hen is i, small as i am in stature and naturally dark..the chicks are my brothers..whom francis' strength does not suffice to defend from the disturbances of men..therefore i will go..and ..commend them to the ..church, by the rod of whose power those of ill-will will be struck down and the children of god will enjoy full freedom everywhere unto the increase of eternal salvation'..

concerning poverty..'while he was in this valley of tears..he considered the common wealth of the sons of men as trifles and ambitious for higher things, he longed for poverty with all his heart. looking upon poverty as especially dear to the son of God, though it was spurned throughout the whole world, he sought to espouse it in perpetual charity. therefore, after he had become a lover of her beauty..he (sought) that he might cling to her more closely as his spouse and that they might be 2 in 1 spirit..there was no one so desirous of gold as he was desirous of poverty..he was solicitous in guarding this pearl of the Gospel. in this, above all, would his sight be offended if he saw anything contrary to poverty in his brothers..his poor habit showed where he was laying up his riches. with this he went his way happy, secure and confident; he rejoiced to exchange a perishable treasure for the hundredfold.
..he taught his brothers to make poor dwellings, of wood, not of stone and to erect small places according to a humble plan..'the foxes have dens and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head..
when the spirit becomes tepid and gradually grows cold toward grace, flesh and blood necessarily seek their own interests. for what remains if the soul does not find its delight, but that the flesh should turn to its delights/and then the animal appetite satisfies the craving of necessity, then carnal feeling forms the conscience..suppose a real necessity comes..or some want takes hold of him; if he is quick to satisfy it and thereby to put it a long way away from him what reward will he receive? (note: is it a lost reward or is it a lost opportunity to be freed to do God's will?)

in as far as the brothers depart from poverty, in so much will the world depart from them and they will seek and not find. but if they embrace my lady poverty, the world will provide for them, because they have been given to the world unto its salvation..there is a contract between the world and the brothers: the brothers must give the world a good example, the world must provide for their needs. when they break faith and withdraw their good example, the world will withdraw its hand in a just censure'.
francis made use of alms begged from door to door much more willingly than those offered spontaneously. he would say that shame in begging is the enemy of salvation and he affirmed that that kind of shame in begging which does not withdraw the foot is holy.

if he was invited by lords and was to be honored with a more lavish table, he would first beg some scraps of bread from the housed of neighbors and thus enriched by want, he would hasten to the table. asked..why he did this, he would say that he would not give up a permanent inheritance for a fief loaned to him for an hour. it is poverty that makes us heirs and kings of the kingdom of heaven, not..false riches.
he always sought a hidden place where he could adapt not only his soul but also all his members to God. when he suddenly felt himself visited by the Lord in public, lest he be without a cell he made a cell of his mantle. at times, when he did not have a mantle, he would cover his face with his sleeve so that he would not disclose the hidden..always he put something between himself and the bystanders, lest they should become aware of ..thus he could pray unseen even among many people in the narrow confines..

although francis preached to the unlearned people thru visible and simple things, in as much as he knew that virtue is more necessary than words, nevertheless among spiritual men and men of greater capacity he spoke enlivening and profound words. he would suggest in a few words what was beyond expression and using fervent gestures and nods, he would transport his hearers wholly to heavenly things. he did not make use of the keys of philosophical distinctions; he did not put order to his sermons, for he did not compose them ahead of time. Christ, the true power and wisdom, gave to his voice the voice of power. a certain doctor, a learned and eloquent man, once said: "while i can retain the preaching of others word for word, only the things that francis speaks elude me. if i commit any of them to memory, they do not seem to be the same that dropped from his lips before".

that honeyed poison, namely, familiarities with women, which led astray even holy men, francis commanded should be entirely avoided. fro he feared that from such things the weak spirit would be quickly broken and the strong spirit often weakened. avoiding contagion from association with them..was as easy as walking in a fire without having the soles or one's feet burned. ..a woman was so unwelcome to him that you would think that his caution was not a warning or an example but rather a dread or a horror. when their importunate(ness) caused him difficulty in speaking with them, he would ask for silence with a humble and speedy word and with his face cast down. sometimes, though, he looked up to heaven and seemed to draw from there the answers he gave to those who were speaking.

the safest remedy against the thousand snares and wiles of the enemy is spiritual joy..the devil carries dust so that he can throw it into even the tiniest chinks of conscience and soil the candor of ind and purity of life. but when spiritual joy fills hearts the serpent throws off his deadly poson in vain..
brother body should be provided for with discretion, so that a tempest of bad temper be not raise by it. so that it will not be wearied with watching and that it may persevere with reverence in prayer, take away from it every occasion for murmuring. for it might say 'i am weak with hunger, i cannot bear the burden of your exercise.'. but if after it has eaten sufficient food it should mutter such things, know that a lazy beast needs the spur and a sluggish ass must expect the goad'.
no one should flatter himself with evil praise over what a sinner can do. a sinner can fast, pry, weep, mortify his flesh. this..he cannot do, namely, be faithful to his Lord. therefore in this should we glory, that we give glory to God, that we serve Him faithfully, that we ascribe to Him whatever He has given us. the greatest enemy of man is his flesh; it does not know how to recall anything to grieve over it; it does not know how to foresee things to fear them; its only aim is to misuse the present time. ..it seeks for praise for its virtues and the external favor of men for its ...(whatever IT is doing).
..he knew that the price of fame diminishes the solitude of the conscience and that it is by far more harmful to abuse virtues than not to have them at all. he knew that it was not less a virtue to protect what was acquired than to acquire it. (when deluded by fame) we do not fix our eyes on our afflictions, we do not test the spirits, and when vainglory compels us to act, we think we have been moved by charity. moreover, if we have done even a little good, we cannot bear its weight, but ridding ourselves of it while we live, we lose it at the shore of eternity. we bear patiently our not being good. we cannot bear at all not to seem good, not to be thot good. and thus we live completely amid the praise of men, because we are nothing else but men.

humility is the guardian and the ornament of all virtues. if the spiritual building does not rest upon it, it will fall to ruin, though it seems to be growing. this virtue filled francis in a more copious abundance..in his own opinion, he was nothing but a sinner, despite the fact that he was the ornament and splendor of all sanctity..forgetting the things he had gained, he set before his eyes only his failings in the conviction that he lacked more than he had gained. there was no covetousness in him except the desire to become better, and not content with what he had, he sought to add new virtues.
he was humble in dress, more humble in conviction, most humble in reputation. this prince of God was not known as anyone's superior except by this brightest jewel alone, that among the lesser he was the least. ..all lofty speaking was absent from his mouth, all pomp from his gestures, all ostentation from his actions.
in many things he had learned his opinion from a revelation; yet, conferring about it, he would set the opinions of others ahead of his own. he considered the advice of his companions safer and the view of another seemed better than his own. he used to say that a brother had not given up all things for the lord if he kept the purse o his own opinion. he preferred to hear blame spoken of himself rather than praise, for the former would lead one to amend his life the latter to a fall.
a few years after his conversion, francis, to preserve ..holy humility, resigned the office of superior of the order..before all the brothers, saying: "from now on i am dead to you. but see, here is brother peter of catania, who i and all of you shall obey'.

i would not seem to myself to be a friar minor unless i were in the state i will describe to you. suppose i, being a prelate among the brothers, should go to the chapter and preach and admonish the brothers and at the end this should be said against me: "an unlettered and contemptible person is not suitable for us; therefore we do not want you to rule over us, because you have no eloquence, you are simple and unlettered". at length i am thrown out with repraches and despised by all. i say to you, unless i listen to these worse with the same face, with the same joy, with the same purpose of sanctity. i am in no way a friar minor.

he taught by his words and showed by his example that the brothers were to be especially humble toward clerics. for he used to say: "we have been sent to help the clergy toward the salvation of should so that what might be found insufficient in them might be supplied by us. everyone will receive his reward, not according to the authority he exercises, but according to the labor he does. know brothers the fruit of souls is most pleasing to God and it can be better obtained by peace with clerics than by disagreements with them. if they hinder the salvation of people, the revenge pertains to God and He will repay them in due time. therefore, be subject to prelates, so that, in so far as you can help it, no jealousy will spring up. if you will be sons of peace, you will win the clergy and the people for the lord and the Lord judges this more acceptable than to win the people but scandalize the clergy. hide their lapses, supply for their many defects; and when you have done this, be even more humble".

tell us, francis what is the perfect and highest obedience. and he replied, the truly obedient man under the figure of a dead body; "take a lifeless body and place it where you will. you will see that it does not resist being moved, it does not murmur about its position, it does not cry our if it is allowed to lie there. if it is placed on a chair, it will not look up but down; if it is clothed in purple, it looks twice as pale. this is a truly obedient man; he does not ask why he is moved, he cares not where he is place, he does not insist on being changed elsewhere. raised to an office, he retains his accustomed humility; the more he is honored, the more unworthy does he consider himself"...things that are granted after a request are more properly permissions; but if they are enjoined and not asked for, they are sacred obediences

9.1.10 CELANO'S FIRST LIFE OF ST. FRANCIS

thomas of celano, one of the brothers of st. francis' first order, was asked by pope gregory IX to write a biography of francis several years after his death in 1226 and this was finished in 1229.
following are some excerpts which, as usual, i share because of some personal impact/interest.

changed, therefore, but in mind, not in body, he refused to go to apulia and he strove to bend his own will to the will of God. accordingly, he withdrew for a while from the bustle and the business of the world and tried to establish Jesus Christ dwelling within himself. like a prudent business man, he hid the treasure he had found from the eyes of the deluded and, having sold all his possessions, he tried to buy it secretly...he shared this secret treasure with a friend...he, who was already holy by reason of his holy purpose, would enter a grotto, while his companion would wait for him outside; and filled with a new and singular spirit, he would pray to his Father in secret. he wanted no one to know what he did within, and taking the occasion of the good to wisely conceal the better, he took counsel with god alone concerning his holy proposal. he prayed devoutly that..God would direct his way and teach him to do his will. he bore the greatest sufferings in mind and was not able to rest until he should have completed in deed what he had conceived in his heart; various thots succeeded one another and their importunity disturbed him greatly. he was afire within himself with a divine fire and he was not able to hide outwardly the ardor of his mind; he repented that he had sinned so grievously and had offended..god's majesty and neither the past evils nor those present gave him any delight.

when he was brought before the bishop of assisi by his father, he would suffer no delay or hesitation in anything; indeed, he did not wait for any words nor did he speak any, but immediately putting off his clothes and casting them aside, he gave them back to his father. moreover, not even retaining his trousers, he stripped himself completely naked before all. (his father was a merchant who wanted his son to follow him in the business and in his worldly way of living. upon hearing of francis' change and also knowing that he had sold some of his merchandise and given it to the church, had sought thru abuse and intimidation to sway his son to his desire.)

about the above incident in thomas of celano's second life of francis..at the urging of the bishop of the city, a very pious man, who informed him that it was not lawful to spend anything fro sacred uses that had been gotten unlawfully, francis gave up to his father the money he had wanted to spend for restoring the church. in the hearing of many who had come together, he said; 'from now on i can freely say our father who art in heaven, not father peter bernardone, to whom, behold, i give up not only the money, but all my clothes too. i will therefore go naked to the Lord'.

then the holy lover of complete humility went to the lepers and lived with them, serving them most diligently..and washing all foulness from them..just as he said in his testament; 'when i was in sins, it seemed extremely bitter to me to look at lepers and the lord Himself led me among them and i practiced mercy with them'. so greatly loathsome was the sight of lepers to him at one time, he used to say, that..he would look at their houses only from a distance of 2 miles and he would hold his nostrils with his hands'..

..meanwhile francis, having put on a new kind of habit and having repaired the ..church , went to another place near the city of assisi, where he began to rebuild a certain dilapidated and well-nigh destroyed church..then he went to another place , which is called the portiuncula...and began to repair this church. at this time he wore a kind of hermit's dress, with a leather girdle about his waist; he carried a staff in his hands and wore shoes on his feet.

but when on a certain day the Gospel was read in that church, how the lord sent His disciples out to preach, the holy man of God, assisting there, understood somewhat the words of the Gospel; after mass he humbly asked the priest to explain the Gospel to him more fully. when he had set forth for him in order all these things,..francis, hearing that the disciples of Christ should not possess gold or silver or $; nor carry along the way scrip or wallet or bread or a staff; that they should not have shoes or 2 tunics, but that they should preach the kingdom of God and penance, immediately cried out exultingly:
'this is what i wish, this is what i seek, this is what i long to do with all my heart'...he immediately put off his shoes..but aside the staff..was content with one tunic and exchanged his leather girdle for a small cord. he designed for himself a tunic that bore a likeness to the cross..a very rough tunic so that he might crucify the flesh..a very poor and mean tunic, one that would not excite the covetousness of the world...committing all that he had heard...tried diligently to carry it out to the letter.
..one day when he was wondering over the mercy of the Lord with regard to the gifts bestowed upon him, he wished that the course of his own life and that of his brothers (several others, seeing his example and lifestyle, had joined in the same with him) might be shown him by the Lord..he sought out a place of prayer..and he persevered there for a long time..and he thot..of the years he had spent wretchedly, frequently repeating this word: O God, be merciful to me the sinner. little by little a certain unspeakable joy and very great sweetness began to flood his innermost heart. he began to stand aloof from himself and, as his feelings were checked and the darkness that had gathered in his heart because of his fear of sin dispelled, there was poured into him a certainty that all his sins had been forgiven and a confidence of his restoration to grace was given him. he was then caught up above himself, and absorbed in a certain light; the capacity of his mind was enlarged and he would see clearly what was to come to pass. when this sweetness finally passed, along with the light, renewed in spirit, he seemed changed into another man.

at the same time also, when another good man had entered their religion,their number rose to 8. then..francis called them all together and telling them many things concerning the kingdom of God, the contempt of the world, the renunciation of their own will and the subduing of their own body, he separated them into 4 groups of 2 each and said.."go..announcing to men peace and repentance unto the forgiveness of sins; and be patient in tribulation, confident that the Lord will fulfull His purpose and His promise. to those who put questions to you, reply humbly; bless those who persecute you; give thanks to those who injure you and calumniate you; because for these things there is prepared for you an eternal kingdom'.

(francis and 11 (?) followers, after going to rome and gaining from the pope unofficial approval of them as an order -this, about 1209 when the first rule of the franciscan order was written by francis - were returning to assisi)...they went at that time to the spoleto valley. they all conferred together, as true followers justice, whether they should dwell among men or go to solitary places. but francis, who did not trust in his own skill, but had recourse to..prayer before all transactions, chose not to live for himself alone, but for Him who died for all, knowing that he was sent for this..

.francis..went about the towns and villages announcing the kingdom of god, preaching peace, teaching salvation and penance unto the remission of sins, not in the persuasive words of human wisdom, but with the learning and power of the Spirit. he acted boldly in all things, because of the apostolic authority granted to him, using no words of flattery or seductive blandishments. he did not know how to make light of the faults of others , but he knew well how to cut them out; neither did he encourage the life of sinners, but he struck hard at them with sharp reproof, for he had first convinced himself by practicing himself what he wished to persuade others to do by his words..

..spoke the truth boldly, so that even the most learned men..wondered at his words and were struck with wholesome fear by his presence. men ran, and women too ran, clerics hurried and religious hastened that they might see and hear the holy man of God who seemed to all to be a man of another world...it seemed at that time...that a new light had been sent from heaven upon this earth, shattering the widespread darkness that had so filled almost the whole region that hardly anyone knew where to go. fro so profound was the forgetfulness of god and the sleep of neglect of Hi commandments oppressing almost everyone that they could hardly be aroused even a little from their old and deeply rooted sins.

...how great was the love that flourished in the members of this pious society! for whenever they came together anywhere or met one another along the way, as the custom is, there a shoot of spiritual love sprang up, sprinkling over all love the seed of true affection. what more shall i say? chaste embraces, gentle feelings, a holy kiss, pleasing conversation, modest laughter, joyous looks, a single eye, a submissive spirit, a peaceable tongue, a mild answer, oneness of purpose, ready obedience, unwearied hand, all these were found in them...

..girt with a cord, they wore poor trousers and they had the pious intention of remaining like this and they wished to have nothing more. they were, therefore, everywhere secure...distracted by no care, they awaited the next day without solicitude....when they frequently lacked the necessary lodging amid the coldest weather, an oven sheltered them or at least they lay hid for the night humbly in grottos or caves. during the day, those who knew how labored with their hands, staying in the houses of lepers or in other decent places, serving all..

..the virtue of patience so took hold of them that they sought rather to be where they might suffer persecution of their bodies than where they might be lifted up by the favor of the world, when their holiness was known..for many times when they were insulted and ridiculed, stripped naked, beaten, bound, imprisoned, they did not protect themselves by means of anyone's patronage, but they bore all things so courageously that nothing but the voice of praise and thanksgiving resounded in their mouths...recalling by constant discussion what they had done , they gave thanks to God for what they had done well; for what they had neglected..they poured forth groans and tears..

they thot they were forsaken by God if they did not find themselves to be constantly visited in their devotions by their accustomed piety. for when they wanted to give themselves to prayer, they made use of certain means lest sleep should take hold of them: some were held erect by hanging ropes lest their prayers should be disturbed by sleep ..others put instruments of iron about their bodies..others wore wooden girdles of penance. if, as it can happen, their sobriety were disturbed by an abundance of food or drink or if because they were tired from a journey, they surpassed even a little the bounds of necessity, they mortified themselves very sharply by an abstinence of many days...they tried to repress the promptings of the flesh with such great mortification that often they did not refrain from stripping themselves naked in the coldest weather and from piercing their bodies all over with the points of thorns...

..francis most diligently examined himself and his brothers daily, even continually; and, suffering nothin in them of wantonness, he drove every negligence from their hearts. strict in discipline, he was watchful of his trust at all hours. for if, as happens, a temptation of the flesh at times assailed him, he would hurl himself into a ditch full of ice, when it was winter and remain in it until every vestige of anything carnal had departed.

(my note: on the one hand, who am i to question st. francis who is far above me spiritually. but on the other, in a great number of places in celano's life where francis is commanding others...i just wonder...i guess i have to go thru the new testament again but it seems that although Jesus, paul and others certainly were not shy about telling others the commands of God..very bold at times...but with them there seems to be a different spirit. somehow they themselves, except possibly Jesus, being God, seem to recede and the words of God 'step forward'. with francis i get a bit more of francis and less of God.
also, thomas of celano's writing comes across more subjective than objective. in my search for just facts, as i go on (now, well thru his second life of francis) i find myself wondering how much is fact and how much is 'adoration fluff'. in this reading i think i am coming to understand and appreciate the catholic church more than before, but one factor - which impresses negatively - is more pronounced. man seems, in the roman catholic schema, to be unduly exalted and God, though formulaicly exalted, seems to someone be moved to the background. it is a subtle but very real impression that i get.
there is a truer ring when i sense God is speaking to me about something than when a man is.

a second comment on self mortification. my impression in the reading of francis' life is that this is not the way. one sees a SELF in such self mortification. i feel much more comfortable with watchman nee's 'the spiritual man' approach which, if i read it correctly, emphasizes rather 1. our position of being crucified with, raised up and exalted in Christ and 2. prayer for grace to walk in this position, than physically depriving and hurting the body.

..the apostolic authority was strong in him, and he therefore refused entirely to offer flattery to kings and princes..
..he said to them that true obedience consists not only in doing things that are commanded in word, but even those merely thot of; not only in doing things commanded, but even things desired; for, 'if a brother, subject to a brother superior, not only hears his voice, but even understands his will, he must immediately give himself entirely to obedience and do what he understands him to will by some sign or other..

..for holy simplicity had so filled them..that they knew nothing of duplicity of mind. for, as there was one faith in them, so was there one spirit in them, one will, one love; there was unity of souls among them, harmony of behavior..
...oh how often, without any man telling him, but be means of a revelation of the Holy Spirit, francis knew the actions of his absent brothers, laid open the secrets of their hearts and explored their consciences? ..of how many did he not predict future evils, though their present conduct seemed good!
..scrutinizing the actions of all his brothers with cautious and diligent examination, he was concerned about his subjects out of a kindly curiosity; and he left nothing unpunished if he found something done that was less than good.

with all zeal, with all solicitude, he guarded holy lady poverty, not permitting any vessel of any kind to be in the house, lest it lead to superfluous things, when he could in some way avoid being subject to extreme necessity without it. for, he used to say, it is impossible to satisfy necessity and not give into pleasure. cooked foods he permitted himself scarcely at all or very rarely; and if he did allow them, he either mixed them with ashes or destroyed their flavor with cold water...if he were invited to dinner by great princes who venerated him..he would taste a bit of the meat in observance of the holy Gospel (eat what is set before you..) and then, making a pretense of eating by raising his hand to his mouth, lest anyone should perceive what he was doing, (my note: ?) he would drop the rest in his lap.

francis was not ashamed, when he had failed in something, to confess his failing in his preaching before all the people. indeed, if it happened that he had an evil thot about anyone or if he had on occasion spoken an angry word, he would immediately confess his sins with all humility to the one about whom he had had the evil thot and beg his pardon..

..francis sought always to put his hand to courageous deeds..he longed at the height of perfection..in the 6th year of his conversion (1212?), burning intensely with the desire for holy martyrdom, he wanted to take ship for the regions of syria to preach the christian faith and penance to the saracens and infidels. (he stowed away on a ship after being refused and the ship, thru storms was grounded.)

..(in 1219) he set out for syria, at a time when great and severe battles were raging daily between the christians and the pagans..before he gained access to the sultan, though he was captured by the sultan's soldiers, was insulted and beaten..though he was treated shamefully by many who were quite hostile and hateful toward him, he was nevertheless received very honorably by the sultan. the sultan honored him as much as he was able, and having given him many gifts, he tried to bend francis' mind toward..riches..but when he saw that francis..despised all these things..he was filled with the greatest admiration and he looked upon him as a man different from all others. he was deeply moved by his words and he listened to him very willingly. still..the Lord did not fulfill francis desire for martyrdom..

he came to a certain place near bevagna where a very great number of birds of various kinds had congregated, namely, doves, crows and some others popularly called daws. when..he saw them, being a man of very great fervor and great tenderness toward lower and irrational creatures, he left his companions in the road and ran eagerly toward the birds. when he was close enough to them, seeing that they were waiting expectantly for him, he greeted them in his usual way. but, not a little surprised that the birds did not rise in flight, as they usually do, he was filled with great joy and..begged them to listen to the word of God.

among the many things he spoke to them were these words..'my brothers, birds, you should praise your creator very much and always love Him..He gave you feathers to clothe you, wings so that you can fly and whatever else was necessary for you. God made you noble among His creatures, and He gave you a home in the purity of the air; though you neither sow nor reap, He nevertheless protects and governs you without any solicitude on your part. at these words..the birds, refoicing in a wonderful way..began to stretch their necks, extend their wings, open their mouths and gaze at him. francis..went thru them..and returned, touching their heads and bodies with his tunic. finally he blessed them and then..he gave them permission to fly away to some other place...he went on his way..he began to blame himself for negligence in not having preached to the birds before..and so it happened that, from that day on, he..admonished all birds, all animals and reptiles and even creatures that have no feeling, to praise and love their Creator..he saw their obedience by personal experience.

when he came one day to a city called alviano to preach the word of God, he went up..so that he would be seen by all and he began to ask for silence. but when the people had fallen silent and were standing reverently at attention, a flock of swallows, chattering and making a loud noise, were building nests in that same place. since..he could not be heard by the people over the chattering of the birds, he spoke to them saying: 'my sisters, swallows, it is now time for me to speak, for you have already spoken enough. listen to the word of the Lord and be silent and quiet until the word of the Lord is finished'. and those little birds, to the astonishment and wonder of the people standing by, immediately fell silent, and they did not move from that place until the sermon was finished...
once when he was staying at the town of greccio, a little rabbit that had been caught in a trap was brought alive to him by a certain brother...he was moved..and said: 'brother rabbit, come to me. why did you allow yourself to be deceived like this?' and as soon as the rabbit had been let go by the brother who held it , it fled to the saint, and, without being forced by anyone, it lay quiet in his bosom as the safest place possible. after he had rested there a little while..he..caressing it with motherly affection, released it so it could return free to the woods. but when it had been placed upon the ground several times and had retuned each time to the ..bosom, he finally commanded it to be carried ..to the nearby woods.

..even water was turned to wine for him , when on one occasion he was ..ill..

when he entered any city, the clergy rejoiced, the bells were rung, the men were filled with happiness, the women rejoiced together, the children clapped their hands and often, taking branches from the trees, they went to meet him singing..

my note: it seems thomas of celano, either on his own motivation and/or at the encouragement of others seeks to portray francis as a christ-figure. many times his actions, etc. are phrased in such a way that direct wording from scripture used to speak of Jesus or God is, italicized, written into the narrative. there is also a lot of what might be called 'adoring fluff' which i have attempted to edit out for sheer space. thus ends the first installment of quotes from thomas of celano's first life of st. francis (1229).